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-I'd wear this to a wedding.
-To whose wedding?
-Chris Brown and Rihanna's.
-OK, that's weird.
-Weird?
Or safe?
-Little bit of both.
-Mm-hm.
-Oh, so check this out.
Deb didn't come home last night.
-Really?
-And she's not answering her phone.
-Well, did you try and call her on Skype?
-That is so weird.
She's never not on Skype.
Ooh, Greg Oden's on.
What are you up to, buddy?
-Hey.
You click a highlighted phone number on a website, it dials
that number on Skype.
-I think she's gone for good.
-Really?
-Yeah.
-Dude, I'm so sorry.
You OK?
-Well, I cried for like an hour last night.
-You did?
-Mostly because I was watching "In Treatment."
-I know, that show's so real.
-It's so real.
-It's so believable.
-And I think the realness of it is what made me cry--
-Mm-hm.
-And that's why I was crying so much.
-Mm-hm.
-But here's the weird part.
I woke up this morning and I was, like, fine with
everything.
I mean, I had breakfast.
No one yelled at me.
I watched "Mannekin." No one yelled at me.
I took a run.
OK, one guy yelled at me, but that's because
I peed on his lawn.
-That's crazy.
-I know.
-I can't believe you did all that stuff before work.
-I am liberated.
I feel free now, because she's not in my life.
-You're going to call the cops, though.
-I don't think so.
I might not call the cops.
And I know this is weird.
I know she's only been gone for a day.
But I feel like it's time I get back out
there and start dating.
-So I'm newly single.
-Tell us what happened, my brother.
-Well, my wife either left me or she died.
-Great.
Well, let's get started.
-OK.
So how does this work?
Do you guys edit together a video and then upload that to
my profile, or?
-What's that word?
-Upload?
-What is that.
-Wh-- what does that mean?
-You guys don't know what upload means?
-Upload.
Oh, upload.
Upload.
Yeah, we can upload.
-Oh, upload.
-We can upload.
It don't think you have the emphasis
on the right syllable.
Yeah, we can side load.
We can swing load, sweet chariot.
-(SINGING) Swing load, sweet chariot.
-No, no.
Do the Afro-American voice.
[SINGS IN DEEPER VOICE]
MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): That's a little joke we have.
-Why do I still feel like you don't know what you're doing?
-Hey, we're a Christian dating service.
MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): We know what upload means.
-Have a little faith, my brother.
-Cross bump?
-Uh, nah.
-More for us.
-Mm-hm.
-Peace.
-I guess I'm looking for someone who can resurrect my
love life, you know, bring it back from the dead.
MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): Someone like Jesus?
LEIF TOPPS (OFFSCREEN): No, more like Mannequin.
-You would never do one of these, would you?
-M-me?
No.
No, no, no, no, no.
-Hypothetically, if you did do one of these--
I'm just saying hypothetically--
what would you look forward in a guy?
Hypothetically.
-What, like sense of humor--
LEIF TOPPS (OFFSCREEN): Yes.
-Confidence.
LEIF TOPPS (OFFSCREEN): Yes.
-Good job.
LEIF TOPPS (OFFSCREEN): Yes.
-Works well with family.
-Now we're talking.
-Tall.
-Wow, shallow.
-Enormous [BLEEP].
-And we are back.
-Leif Topps, I believe we have found you a match.
-Really?
-That is so fast.
-I feel like this is the first step in me moving on.
-She's attractive, she's funny, and she is definitely
into sports.
-We know her as LadyHoops35, but you may know
her from the WNBA.
-I can't--
-Yeah, just walk around.
-Just, no-- no.
-Just walk over to those chairs.
LEIF TOPPS (OFFSCREEN): Well, get up on the
table and push it.
-You guys could get up, too.
-That's OK.
Oh, there it is.
-There we go.
-OK.
-Holy half-court shot.
-Daddy likey.
-So thanks for taking Marcus around the photo studio.
-Hey, my pleasure.
Did we not have a good time?
-Yeah.
Awesome.
Well, Marcus, I forgot something in the back.
You want to come with me?
-OK.
-OK.
-I'll wait right here for you.
-OK.
-I miss you already.
I love you.
Hey, whoa.
-What in the name of Nancy Lieberman-Cline was that?
-Are you a ghost?
-No.
-Would you tell me if you were a ghost?
-What is going on?
-I thought that you had left me for good.
-No.
-Or, even better, that you had died.
-Oh, you idiot, I was at the Stillwater Spa.
They took away my cell phone.
It's a no-talking spa.
You booked it for me, you dummy.
Put it on your American Express points 'cause you're
too cheap to spend--
-Oh, yeah.
-Oh, right.
-I totally spaced on that.
-Check your iCal.
-I did not put it in my iCal.
-Oh, you're a moron.
-I would know if I put it in my--
oh my God.
There it is in my--
-Daddy Leif, can we play basketball this afternoon?
-Ooh.
Marcus, yeah.
We're not going to be able to play basketball this
afternoon, and I'm going to need you to do Daddy Leif a
huge solid.
Can you tell your mommy that we are no longer a family?
-And tell him to get me a coffee.
-Get her a coffee too.
DEBORAH SCHACTMAN-TOPPS (OFFSCREEN): You have no
reception here.
-Well, that's not my fault.
DEBORAH SCHACTMAN-TOPPS (OFFSCREEN): It is.