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PREVIOUSLY ON "UGLY BETTY"...
EXCUSE ME? I AM NOT STALKING YOU.
I AM MONITORING AN ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT
WHO IS A FLIGHT RISK.
WHAT IS THIS?
A TRACKING DEVICE.
I'M NOT ONE OF YOUR FLYING MONKEYS, WILHELMINA.
DON'T CROSS ME, SWEETHEART, 'CAUSE YOU'LL LOSE.
YOU'RE HERE BECAUSE OF ME, BECAUSE OF WHAT I DID.
I'M TURNING MYSELF IN.
LISTEN TO ME, WILHELMINA.
YOU ARE NOT GETTING YOUR HANDS ON THIS COMPANY.
THE ONLY PERSON RUNNING THIS MAGAZINE WILL BE A MEADE.
I'M SORRY.
IF ALEX WANTS TO TAKE OVER, THEN LET HIM.
I GOT LOTS OF PARTYING TO CATCH UP ON.
(Betty) GOOD MORNING, AMANDA.
OH, HEY, BETTY. I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU.
MM-HMM.
HMM. THAT'S NICE.
WOW. THEY'RE EVEN BIGGER THAN I REMEMBER.
(telephone rings)
DANIEL MEADE'S OFFICE.
OH, NO, I'M SORRY. HE'S NOT HERE RIGHT NOW.
HE'S, UM, IN A BREAKFAST MEETING.
(woman) AHH!
DANIEL MEADE'S OFFICE.
OH, NO, UM, I'M SORRY.
HE'S ALL TIED UP.
DANIEL, IT'S ME.
YOU'VE GOT TO GET OVER HERE. ALEXIS IS TOTALLY TAKING OVER.
IF YOU'RE THERE, PICK UP, PLEASE.
ALL RIGHT. I GUESS YOU'RE OUT.
UM, HI.
CAN I HELP YOU?
JUST ADMIRING THE INNER SANCTUM OF THE FECKLESS PRINCE.
AS THE EMPIRE DISSOLVES,
EVEN THE CUSHION ON THE BONE-WHITE CHAISE
SAGS WITH DEFEAT.
WAIT A MINUTE. I KNOW THAT HAT.
YOU'RE QUINCY COMBS. (gasps)
YOU'RE WRITING THAT *** BOOK ABOUT THE MEADES.
OH, IT'S A CRITIC, TOO.
TELL ME, WOULD THIS BLIND ITEM ABOUT A CERTAIN MAGAZINE EDITOR
SEEN *** UNDER THE PETER PAN STATUE--
IT WASN'T HIM! TIME FOR YOU TO GO.
OH, MY, YOU ARE FEISTY.
AND I BITE, TOO.
DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE ME.
YOU MAY BE THE BEAST THAT GUARDS THE GATES,
BUT I'VE TAKEN DOWN KINGS, PRESIDENTS, THE ELECTRIC CAR.
DANIEL MEADE DOES NOT STAND A CHANCE AGAINST ME.
GO.
HIGHER.
I SAID HIGHER.
JUST PIN IT.
(Southern accent) OW!
WELL, FILL MY BUCKET WITH NOTHING BUT THIGHS.
RELAX, COLONEL. WE ALL KNOW YOU PREFER NUGGETS.
EW. THAT'LL BE CHICKEN RUINED FOR ME.
BRADFORD MEADE WON'T BE ABLE TO KEEP HIS HANDS OFF YOU.
IN SIX MONTHS, YOU'LL BE RUNNING MEADE PUBLICATIONS.
IN A YEAR, A SMALL LATIN AMERICAN COUNTRY.
HERE. THESE SHOULD WORK.
(gasps) YOU GOT INVITED TO PRAGUE?
UGH. I WOULD KILL TO GO TO THIS CLUB.
HOW DID "C" GET ON THE A-LIST?
WELL, I GUESS WHEN YOU'RE ONE OF THE TOP TEN DESIGNERS TO WATCH,
PEOPLE IN THE CITY WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU.
NOT WHEN I MEAN IT, NO.
LISTEN, McMARTYR,
YOU KNEW EXACTLY WHAT YOU WERE GETTING YOURSELF INTO,
SO SPARE ME THE CONSCIENCE AND ENJOY THE SPOTLIGHT,
'CAUSE IT CAN ALL GO AWAY...
JUST LIKE THAT.
(Constance) HOLD STILL, NACHO.
(beeping)
OOH, LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY'S GOT A LITTLE BOO-BOO THERE.
I TRIED WEARING IT UNDER MY SOCKS.
MY IDEA. IT WAS RUINING HIS PANT LINE.
(sighs)
GOOD NEWS IS I'M FREE.
BAD NEWS IS NOW I GOTTA TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE.
I'M SORRY, NACHO. I WAS JUST DOING MY JOB.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE A FLIGHT RISK.
I WAS DOING IT FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.
NOW I WILL ALWAYS GO THE EXTRA MILE TO MAKE SURE MY CLIENTS
BECOME CITIZENS OF THE U. S. OF A.
IS SHE GONNA GIVE US ANOTHER FLAG?
WHEN DO I GET TO MEET MY LAWYER?
YOU HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HIM YET?
HMM. I'LL CALL JERRY TO SEE IF HE COULD
SWING BY MY PLACE TONIGHT SO YOU CAN MEET HIM.
YOUR PLACE?
UM, LOOK, UM, CONSTANCE, I-I'D JUST...
FEEL BETTER IF--
IF WHAT? YOU DON'T TRUST ME?
OF COURSE I TRUST YOU.
LISTEN, IGNACIO,
I ADMIT I HAD A THING FOR YOU.
I DON'T GO BLONDE FOR JUST ANYONE, BUT THAT'S OVER.
HERE'S MY ADDRESS.
MAKE SURE YOU BRING SOME FLOWERS.
IT'S A JOKE.
HONEY, YOU MUST THINK YOU'RE THE ONLY CHIP IN THE BAG.
(laughs) BYE, HILDA.
BYE, CONSTANCE.
I LOVE HER.
OKAY, THERE IS NO WAY YOU'RE GOING TO HER HOUSE.
HILDA, I NEED TO MEET THE LAWYER.
YEAH, IN AN OFFICE WITH FLUORESCENT LIGHTS
LOOK, I'M NOT MAKING ANY WAVES.
I'M TOO CLOSE TO GETTING MY GREEN CARD.
PAP!
HILDA! I CAN HANDLE MY OWN AFFAIRS.
(pills rattle)
DANIEL, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? IT'S ALMOST 2:00.
ALREADY? WHOO! GOT ANY MESSAGES FOR ME?
YES. BECKS CALLED TO SAY,
"CONGRATULATIONS ON GETTING INTO TABITHA'S GIFT BAG."
EW. I JUST GOT THAT.
HAVE YOU, BY ANY CHANCE, TAKEN A LOOK AT PAGE SIX TODAY?
THAT'S THE PETER PAN STATUE.
I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS SOME CREEPY KID WATCHING US.
DANIEL, THERE ARE PEOPLE FOLLOWING YOU.
JUST EARLIER TODAY,
I CAUGHT QUINCY COMBS SNOOPING IN YOUR OFFICE.
QUINCY COMBS? RAPPER?
NO. CELEBRITY TRASHER.
HE'S THE GUY WHO WROTE THOSE BOOKS
ON KATHIE LEE, KOBE, WHOOPI.
WHOOPI? WHAT DID SHE DO?
IT'S NOT OUT YET, BUT APPARENTLY, IT'S SHOCKING.
THE MEADES ARE NEXT. HE WANTS TO DESTROY YOUR FAMILY.
A LITTLE LATE FOR THAT, HUH?
NOT FOR YOU. OPEN UP.
DANIEL, IF HE FINDS OUT
JUST HOW OUT OF CONTROL YOU'VE GOTTEN,
YOU'RE GONNA BE THE FIRST FIVE CHAPTERS OF THAT BOOK.
THINGS ARE DIFFERENT NOW.
YOU'VE ACTUALLY EARNED SOME RESPECT IN THIS BUSINESS.
BETTY, YOU WORRY TOO MUCH.
WELL, SOMEBODY HAS TO WORRY! YOU ARE NEVER HERE.
LOOK, I'M SURE ALEXIS IS HANDLING EVERYTHING JUST FINE.
OH, OKAY, SO THAT'S IT?
YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAND EVERYTHING OVER TO HER?
YOU'VE WORKED SO HARD FOR THE LAST SIX MONTHS.
YEAH, AND IT WAS TAKEN AWAY FROM ME IN A MINUTE.
DON'T YOU GET IT?
I'M BEING EXACTLY THE WAY MY FAMILY EXPECTS ME TO BE.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M HAVING A BLAST.
I'M ACTUALLY GOOD AT THIS.
THOSE AREN'T MY SHOES.
YOU HAVE MODELS COMING IN AT 4:00.
NICE.
GIRL MODELS, THOUGH, RIGHT?
I'LL BE THERE.
IT'S NICK.
WHEN I GIVE A MESSAGE TO ALEXIS, THE PERSON NEEDS A LAST NAME.
MM-HMM, AND WHAT IF MADONNA CALLS?
CICCONE, PENN, RITCHIE-- PICK ONE.
SNAP! SHE READ YOU.
WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME ALEXIS NEEDED AN ASSISTANT?
I LEFT DANIEL'S DESK BECAUSE I THOUGHT
YOU GOT A NEW HEADSET.
I'M TALKING. I WANT A CAREER I CAN BE PROUD OF
IT'S NOT TOO LATE.
HE HASN'T EVEN BEEN HERE LONG ENOUGH
I KNOW WHY.
BECAUSE HE'S A SUCK-UP... AND HE WON'T SLEEP WITH ME.
(scoffs) ME NEITHER.
MANDY, IF YOU WANT ALEXIS TO SEE YOU AS A CONTENDER,
YOU NEED TO BE HERE 24/7 AND BE WILLING TO DO
RIDICULOUS AND DEMORALIZING THINGS
FOR SOMEBODY WHO'S TOO FREAKIN' LAZY TO--
HELLO, WILLIE. LICK THAT FOR YOU?
MM-HMM.
QUINCY COMBS?
HOW DID THAT INKY SNAKE GET IN THE BUILDING?
THERE SHOULD BE.
A RED HAT WITH HIS SKIN TONE? I'M GAGGING.
ALEXIS IS MEETING WITH HIM.
LET'S PUT IT THIS WAY-- IF MY FATHER WERE DROWNING,
I WOULD PULL UP A LAWN CHAIR AND WATCH.
MY, SUCH CANDOR.
WHY NOT?
YOU'RE WRITING A *** BOOK, AND I'M DYING TO TRASH HIM.
MY FATHER TOLD ME I WAS DEAD TO HIM.
HE TORMENTED MY MOTHER BY FLAUNTING HIS AFFAIR WITH FEY.
FLAUNTED? FEY'S DIARIES MADE IT SOUND SO DISCREET.
DIARIES? WHO GAVE YOU HER DIARIES?
FEY'S MAID AND I GO BACK A LONG WAY.
IS THERE ANYTHING ABOUT MY MOTHER IN THEM?
OH, YES. WHEN FEY WRITES ABOUT YOUR MOTHER,
HER PEN DRIPS WITH MORE VENOM
THAN A COBRA SQUARING OFF WITH A MONGOOSE.
SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS A ***.
MR. COMBS, I HAVE BEEN MEETING WITH MY MOTHER'S LAWYERS,
TRYING TO BUILD A DEFENSE.
IF THERE'S ANYTHING IN THOSE DIARIES THAT COULD--
NOTHING I'VE READ COULD SPRING YOUR MAMA FROM THE BIG HOUSE.
HOWEVER, THE DIARIES FOR THE LAST SIX MONTHS OF HER LIFE
ARE UNACCOUNTED FOR.
THEN I NEED THEM.
UNFORTUNATELY NOBODY KNOWS WHERE THEY ARE.
I SUSPECT THEY MAY BE LOCKED UP IN FEY'S SECRET ROOM.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
APPARENTLY, YOUR FATHER AND MS. SOMMERS...
HAD DAILY TRYSTS...
RIGHT HERE IN THE "MODE" OFFICE.
FEY REFERS TO IT AS THEIR...
"LOVE DUNGEON."
(woman laughs)
CAN I GET YOU GIRLS SOME COFFEE?
AHEM. I'M SORRY FOR THE INTERRUPTION,
BUT YOU HAVE A 5:00 P.M. CIRCULATION MEETING.
IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR CIRCULATION?
MM, DO YOU NEED ME TO RUB SOMETHING?
MY SISTER CAN COVER FOR ME.
OH.
MY SISTER COVERS FOR ME ALL THE TIME.
SO YOU TWO DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER?
WE HAVE TO. THIS IS OUR FIRST TRIP TO NEW YORK,
AND I PROMISED OUR MAMA I WOULD KEEP AN EYE ON THIS ONE.
(scoffs) LIKE I'M GOING TO RIP OFF MY CLOTHES
AND JUMP INTO A FOUNTAIN. (laughs)
OH, SO YOU DO HAVE PLANS FOR TONIGHT.
THAT DEPENDS ON YOU.
YOU CAN'T FOLLOW HIM AROUND WITH A STUN GUN, LOVE.
SO I'M SUPPOSED TO SIT AROUND
AND--AND WATCH A FRIEND FALL APART?
HE'S NOT A FRIEND. HE'S YOUR BOSS.
UH, UH, HEY, DON'T CROSS THAT LINE.
THIS BUILDING IS NOT THE PLACE TO LOOK FOR FRIENDS.
YOU DON'T WANT TO GET IN TOO DEEP WITH THESE PEOPLE.
TRUST ME. EVERYONE AROUND HERE HAS GOT A HIDDEN AGENDA.
WELL, NOT DANIEL, AND HE NEEDS ME RIGHT NOW.
HE'S ONLY ACTING OUT TO PUNISH HIS FAMILY.
YOU KNOW, HE HASN'T CHANGED HIS SOCKS SINCE TUESDAY?
HIS SOCKS? NEXT YOU'LL BE PACKING HIS LUNCH FOR HIM.
OH, BETTY, YOU DIDN'T.
WELL, HE CAN'T DRINK LIKE THAT ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.
EVER SINCE HENRY GOT BACK WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND,
YOU HAVE BECOME OBSESSED WITH TAKING CARE OF DANIEL.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU HAD A MEADE-FREE NIGHT?
WELL, I JUST WENT ON THAT DATE WITH MY ORTHODONTIST,
AND WE SPENT THE ENTIRE NIGHT WITH DANIEL'S MOTHER.
AND LAST FRIDAY?
I HAD MARC OVER FOR DINNER. I LEFT...
AND RAN OFF TO THE PRINTER...
WITH DANIEL.
OH, MY GOD.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
MY WHOLE LIFE IS DANIEL. WHAT DO I DO?
YOU CAN START BY LEAVING THIS BUILDING AT A DECENT HOUR.
YOU UP FOR A LITTLE BIT OF FUN IN THE CITY?
YES. YES! RIGHT NOW.
NOW YOU PROMISE ME
THAT YOU WON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT THIS PLACE FOR THE WHOLE NIGHT.
I PROMISE. NO DANIEL.
OKAY, AM I DRESSED RIGHT FOR THE CLUB?
SURE...
IF YOU'RE AUDITING THEM.
(man) ♪ YEAH ♪
(Fergie) ♪ AIN'T NOBODY ROCK IT LIKE THIS ♪
♪ AIN'T NOBODY OUT THERE SWIFT LIKE THIS ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE I GO, ALL I HEAR IS THIS ♪
♪ YES, I MUST CONFESS ♪
AH!
OW!
♪ 'CAUSE KEEPING IT FRESH IS MY MAIN INTEREST ♪
♪ YOU'RE ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ CAN'T HATE ON THIS, SO HATE IF YOU WANNA, WANNA ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THAT AIN'T GON' MAKE ME WANNA ♪
TA-DA!
♪ GO STOP WHAT I'M DOING TO YOU ♪
♪ 'CAUSE MY BEAT'S SO BUMP, BUMP ♪
♪ IN THE CLUB THEY BE JUMPIN', JUMPIN' ♪
♪ TO THE BASS THAT'S, LIKE, PUMPIN', PUMPIN' ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I TOLD 'EM TO SHAKE THEIR HUMPS ♪
♪ OH, AND ANY MINUTE I'LL BE ROLLING THROUGH ♪
♪ SO GET READY, SO GET READY ♪
♪ AND ANY MINUTE I'LL BE COMIN' THROUGH ♪
OH, LOOK. IT'S SCARY BRADSHAW AND A SIDE OF POTATOES.
GUESS WHAT, AMANDA?
BETTY WEARS THE SAME SIZE SHOE AS YOU.
♪ GET READY 'CAUSE HERE I COME ♪
BECKS?
WHERE'S EVERYBODY GOING? I DIDN'T MISS THE PARTY, DID I?
OH, NO, THERE'S NO PARTY.
DANIEL'S IN A MEETING WITH TWO MODELS.
OH, ADD BECKS, YOU GET A PARTY.
OH, UM... YOU KNOW, I FORGOT TO TELL DANIEL ONE THING--
NO!
♪ GET READY, 'CAUSE HERE I COME ♪
♪ COMIN' FOR YOU ♪
UNH-UNH!
(elevator bell dings)
♪♪♪
WHERE DO THEY KEEP THE MENUS?
UH, DO I LOOK LIKE I EAT?
SOME OF US DO AND HAVE TO WORK LATE.
YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND IF YOU HAD SOMETHING TO DO
BESIDES PUTTING ON LIPSTICK.
OH, AND SOME OF US SHOULD LOOK INTO POWDERING OUR BROWN NOSE.
I DON'T KEEP MENUS HERE. TRY THE KITCHEN.
SORRY TO BOTHER YOU.
I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE HUNGRY.
OH, HE'S IN THE KITCHEN, MAKING HIS OWN DINNER.
YOU KNOW NICK, ALWAYS LOOKING OUT FOR NUMBER ONE.
(man) OW!
UNH!
UNH!
(man singing R&B song)
(Betty) THAT WAS AMAZING.
YOU JUST SAID YOUR NAME AND THEY PULLED THE ROPE BACK.
NO, I'M NOT.
YES, YOU ARE. ENJOY IT. I'M WITH CHRISTINA McKINNEY.
BETTY, WILL YOU STOP SAYING THAT, PLEASE?
WHY CAN'T YOU HAVE ANY FUN WITH IT?
I DON'T KNOW. I'M JUST... I'M--I'M SCOTTISH.
WE'RE A HUMBLE PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO DRINK. SO WHAT DO YOU WANT?
OH... IS THIS THAT KIND OF A CLUB?
NO, IT'S A COCKTAIL, LOVE. I'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE.
HI, I'M LOIS.
♪♪
THIS IS FUN, BEING AT A CLUB.
I DON'T DO THIS A LOT, BUT I'M GONNA START.
I'M GONNA START DOING A LOT OF THINGS.
YOU KNOW, I LOVE MY JOB, BUT IT'S JUST NOT ENOUGH.
(snoring)
YOUR EYES ARE OPEN AND YOU'RE SNORING.
I'VE... NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE.
(cell phone rings)
OH.
(ring)
(ring)
(man with deep voice) This is Eastern Limo.
Is this Daniel Meade's office?
NO, THIS IS HIS ASSISTANT, THOUGH. CAN I HELP YOU?
YES, WE WERE CALLED TO PICK HIM UP AT A PARTY,
BUT WE CAN'T FIND HIM. UH, DO YOU KNOW WHERE HE CURRENTLY IS?
WELL, I DID MAKE RESERVATIONS FOR HIM AT THE, UH...
THE SALT MINE.
(normal voice) SALT MINE? OH, THAT'S SO YESTERDAY.
WAIT A SECOND! IS THIS QUINCY COMBS?!
HELLO? HELLO!
OOPS.
SHH. SHH.
SORRY, SORRY. WHOOPS, WHOOPS.
WHAT WOULD I LIKE?
I'D LIKE YOU TO DEFEND MY WIFE
WITHOUT REDUCING HER TO A RAVING SOCIOPATH!
SHOULD I COME BACK AT A BETTER TIME?
I'M NOT SURE THERE'LL BE ONE.
SALES REPORTS.
(sighs) YOU POOR SOUL.
I CAN'T IMAGINE HOW DIFFICULT THIS MUST BE FOR YOU.
YOUR CHILDREN ONLY LIVE TO EMBARRASS YOU,
AND YOUR WIFE TAKES AWAY "MODE,"
THE MOST PRECIOUS JEWEL IN YOUR CROWN.
YOU MUST FEEL SO ALONE.
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW...
YOU'RE NOT.
THANKS, WILLIE. I APPRECIATE IT.
(whispers) NO.
THIS JUST CAME FOR YOU. IT LOOKED REALLY IMPORTANT,
AND I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO HAVE TO WAIT
FOR NICK TO GET OFF HIS PERSONAL CALL.
THANK YOU, AMANDA.
♪♪
DANIEL, IF YOU GET THIS WHILE YOU'RE STILL AT THE RESTAURANT,
BETTY!
I GOTTA GO. BYE. WE DIDN'T SPEAK. IT WAS JUST A MESSAGE.
I'M NOT WORKING. I'M HERE TO HAVE FUN. WHOO-HOO!
LOOK. FREE JELL-O.
OH! THEY DIDN'T HAVE THIS FLAVOR WHEN I WAS A KID.
OH, COME ON. LISTEN, I JUST MET TWO BLOKES AT THE BAR.
THEY ARE LOVELY. I THINK I'VE JUST MET YOUR...
(imitates American accent) "MR. BIG."
HEY. HEY, YOU MUST BE BETTY.
HI.
OH, KEVIN AND BEN WERE AT FASHION WEEK.
OH, DID YOU SEE CHRISTINA'S DESIGNS?
THEY WERE GREAT, WEREN'T THEY?
"NEW YORK" MAGAZINE SAYS THAT HERS WERE THE MOST IMPRESSIVE.
OH, THEY DON'T WANNA HEAR ABOUT THAT.
YEAH.
♪♪
(woman) OH!
SO, UH, DID YOU... GROW UP IN THE CITY?
MICHIGAN. CHEBOYGAN.
NEVER HEARD OF IT?
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
ACTUALLY, DANIEL WENT TO TENNIS CAMP THERE.
HE STILL GETS THE NEWSLETTER.
OH, HE'S MY--
UH, YOU KNOW WHAT? WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT HIM.
DO YOU WANNA DANCE?
WE COULD BOTH TRY. IT MIGHT BE FUN.
OKAY.
♪♪
(woman) HEY!
(man) HOLD ON THERE, TURBO.
MY BAD.
(man) GOSH! HEY, COME ON, MAN!
MAYBE WE SHOULD FIND A CORNER WITH A LITTLE BIT MORE SPACE.
YEAH, ME, TOO.
♪♪
(Daniel) YEAH! LET'S GO FIND OURSELVES A TABLE.
(woman laughing)
(Becks) WHOO-HOO!
(laughs)
SOMETHING WRONG?
UM, NO. UH, YOU KNOW WHAT? I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
UH, DON'T MOVE.
OR MOVE, BUT MAYBE NOT YOUR ARMS.
♪♪
DOES THIS MEETING INCLUDE DINNER?
WELL, HONEY, I GOTTA EAT. THIS TANK DOESN'T RUN ON EMPTY.
SIT DOWN. I'LL BRING OUT THE DIP.
DOES JERRY LIVE AROUND HERE?
JERRY, MY LAWYER.
OH, UH... HE LIVES IN SHEEPSHEAD BAY,
BUT HE'S ALWAYS RUNNING LATE, SO COME ON, DIG IN.
WE DON'T NEED HIM TO START OUR PARTY--MEETING.
♪♪
MM.
HE PATTED MY HAND.
IN A NURSING HOME!
OH, MY GOD. HAVE I STILL GOT IT?
YOU'RE TOTALLY HOT, ESPECIALLY FOR A WOMAN OF YOUR--
HEIGHT.
HOW'D SHE DO IT?
HOW DID FEY GET THAT OLD SACK IN THE SACK?
MAYBE SOMETHING IN ONE OF FEY'S DIARIES CAN HELP YOU.
DIARIES?
I HEARD FROM AMANDA,
WHO OVERHEARD NICK TALKING TO ALEXIS,
ABOUT A MEETING THAT SHE HAD WITH QUINCY.
FEY KEPT DIARIES.
GET THAT FRUITY PEBBLE ON THE PHONE.
I NEED TO KNOW WHAT'S IN THOSE PAGES.
(man) ♪ I'VE BEEN RUNNING AWAY FOR TOO LONG ♪
♪ IT'S TIME TO PICK UP MY BAGS AND GO AND GO AND GO ♪
♪ IT'S TIME I FACED MY FEARS ♪
KEVIN'S BOUGHT US ANOTHER ROUND.
WHERE'S BEN?
OH, BLOODY HELL.
COME ON, LET'S GO SOMEWHERE ELSE.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. NO, I WANNA STAY, CHRISTINA, I DO.
I JUST... I-I NEED TO TELL HIM ONE THING.
I KNOW.
OH...
BETTY, YOU'RE ADDICTED.
IF HE WAS CRACK, YOU WOULD SELL YOUR NEPHEW FOR A BAG OF HIM.
(Quincy) WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
(Wilhelmina) INSIGHT. FEY KEPT THAT ROMANCE ALIVE FOR YEARS.
SHE MUST HAVE WRITTEN SOMETHING IN THOSE DIARIES.
INTERESTING. YOU DON'T RETURN MY CALLS, AND NOW--
I DIDN'T COME EMPTY-HANDED.
OH, WILHELMINA, CASH IS SO CRUDE.
IT'S NOT MONEY. IT'S PHOTOGRAPHS.
UNLESS YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED IN SEEING
THE GRADUAL TRANSFORMATION OF ALEX MEADE INTO ALEXIS MEADE.
WHERE ON EARTH DID YOU GET THESE?
OH, NOW, BEFORE I LOSE YOU COMPLETELY, TELL ME,
WHAT DID FEY DO THAT TURNED HIM ON?
FROM WHAT I CAN GATHER,
FEY KEPT HER FEET AS SOFT AS A BABY'S BOTTOM.
DAILY PEDICURES, DEAD SEA SALTS, PARAFFIN TREATMENTS.
APPARENTLY, HER VELVETY INSTEP RATTLED HIS CAGE.
(scoffs) BRADFORD IS INTO FEET?
SHE MUST HAVE BEEN QUITE FACILE.
SHE DESCRIBES FEEDING HIM CHERRIES
THAT SHE COULD PICK UP WITH HER TOES.
OH, MY.
MM-HMM.
NOW YOU SEE IT, AND NOW YOU DON'T.
OOH.
ALL THESE PEOPLE WERE ASSIGNED TO YOU?
MM-HMM. I'VE HELPED A WHOLE LOT OF FOLKS BECOME CITIZENS.
HOW COME YOU'RE NOT IN ANY OF THE PICTURES?
I'M ALWAYS THE ONE HOLDING THE CAMERA.
OH.
HUNGRY? TIME FOR PORK ROAST.
WAIT, WHAT ABOUT JERRY?
IGNACIO, JERRY ISN'T COMING.
HE CALLED RIGHT BEFORE YOU GOT HERE.
WHAT?
LOOK, WE KNEW IT WASN'T A SLAM-DUNK.
BUT YOU TOLD ME THAT--
I WOULD HELP YOU, AND I PLAN ON KEEPING MY WORD.
YOU DESERVE TO BE A CITIZEN, IGNACIO.
AND AS SOON AS WE FINISH EATING,
WE'LL GET IN THE CAR, DRIVE TO ATLANTIC CITY,
WHAT?!
I BOOKED US THE BRIDAL SUITE AT BALLY'S.
TOMORROW MORNING, YOU'RE GONNA WAKE UP
AND STRUT DOWN THAT BOARDWALK A LEGAL MAN.
WANT SOME WINE TO CELEBRATE?
CONSTANCE, YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT. YOU GOT THAT FUNKY HEART.
I'LL POUR YOU SOME GRAPE JUICE.
(woman) ♪ AND WHAT I WANNA DO ♪
♪ IS FIND A BOY LIKE YOU ♪
YOU'RE NOT TOO INTO THIS PLACE, ARE YOU?
NO, IT'S GREAT.
I SAW THAT ON "DANCING WITH THE STARS."
I ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THAT.
YOU CAN DIP ME LIKE LEEZA GIBBONS.
WHOO! (laughs)
I'M GONNA SPIN YOU NOW. CAN YOU HANDLE IT?
CAN YOU?
WHOO! (laughs)
♪ AND WHEN I SEE YOU, BOY ♪
♪ YOU MAKE MY HEARTBEAT JUMP ♪
♪ I CAN'T STOP LOOKING AT YOU♪
OH, NO. IT'S QUINCY!
WHAT? WHAT'S WRONG? DID I BREAK SOMETHING?
NO, NO. UM, LIFT ME AGAIN.
♪ LIKE WOW ♪
A LITTLE TO THE LEFT. YOUR LEFT.
NO, BACK A LITTLE BIT MORE.
BACK, BACK, BACK, BACK. GO TO THE RIGHT.
BETTY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
NOTHING. WE'RE HAVING FUN. AREN'T YOU HAVING FUN?
NO. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING.
I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU WERE DIFFERENT,
BUT YOU'RE JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER GIRL IN THIS CITY,
ALWAYS SCANNING THE ROOM
AND LOOKING FOR SOMETHING BETTER.
YEAH, THOUGH YOU'RE THE FIRST ONE
THAT'S EVER MADE ME HELP HER LOOK.
WHAT--NO. WAIT, BEN...
MY FATHER'S NOT HERE RIGHT NOW. WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT?
THE MESSAGE YOU LEFT WAS PASSED ON TO ME.
I SEARCHED MY FILES,
HE HAS TO BE.
PRUSSIAN BLUE, VERY NEUTRAL.
WHO SCHEDULED THE DATE AGAIN?
HIS CASEWORKER-- CONSTANCE GRADY.
I TOOK OVER ALL OF MISS GRADY'S CASES.
YOUR FATHER WAS NOT ON HER LIST.
WHY DID YOU TAKE OVER HER CASES?
WELL, SOMEBODY HAD TO. SHE WAS FIRED TWO MONTHS AGO.
SIT YOUR RUMP DOWN, CAUSE THIS RUMP IS READY, BABY.
CONSTANCE, PLEASE.
JUST GIVE ME THE NUMBER AND I'LL CALL THE LAWYER MYSELF.
YOU WANNA RUIN YOUR APPETITE AFTER I BEEN COOKING ALL DAY?
(knife whirs)
(cell phone rings)
(ring)
HELLO?
HILDA?
MY DAUGHTER-- SOME PROBLEM AT HOME.
NO, NO, NO, THE PROBLEM IS OVER THERE.
YOUR CASEWORKER WAS FIRED TWO MONTHS AGO.
WHAT?!
YEAH, YOU HEARD ME. SHE LIED. *** CRAZY!
NOW, LISTEN. THE WOMAN HAD A BREAKDOWN.
SHE'S UNSTABLE, SO DON'T MAKE ANY QUICK MOVES.
JUST--JUST POLITELY EXCUSE YOURSELF AND GET OUT!
OKAY, TURN OFF THE MAIN WATER PIPE. I'LL CALL YOU RIGHT BACK.
DINNER'S READY.
BELIEVE IT OR NOT,
THEY ONLY SELL THESE CRITTERS IN ONE PET SHOP IN JERSEY CITY.
WELL, HURRY UP. I DON'T HAVE ALL NIGHT.
WILLIE, YOU KNOW THAT I BELIEVE IN SUFFERING FOR OUR BEAUTY,
BUT I DON'T THINK I CAN WATCH THIS.
GET A GRIP, MARY. WE DID AN ARTICLE ON THIS TWO MONTHS AGO.
IF HOUSEWIVES IN SINGAPORE CAN HANDLE IT, SO CAN I.
THEY'RE JUST LITTLE FISH NIBBLING OFF DEAD SKIN.
COULDN'T WE JUST USE A REALLY STRONG LOOFAH?
DUMP 'EM!
(gasps)
(chuckles)
OH, MY, THEY'RE HUNGRY.
(retches)
HI.
OH, HI.
I'M JUST, UH... FEELING THE WALLS.
(whispers) GOOD WALLS.
WELL, I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT NICK LEFT.
SOMETHING ABOUT CHEERLEADING FINALS ON CABLE AND ***.
ANYWAY, I AM HERE AS LONG AS YOU NEED ME.
(normal voice) I DON'T. THANKS. GOOD NIGHT.
CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?
DID YOU EVEN THINK OF HIRING ME TO BE YOUR ASSISTANT?
EVERYONE KNOWS I WOULDN'T MIND
GETTING A LEG UP IN THIS COMPANY.
YES, BUT APPARENTLY YOU'VE HAD BOTH LEGS UP WITH MY BROTHER.
AMANDA, I JUST DON'T SEE US AS A GOOD FIT.
WELL, I'M SORRY YOU FEEL THAT WAY,
BUT I COULD'VE BEEN A REAL ASSET TO YOU.
I KNOW THIS PLACE INSIDE AND OUT.
I KNOW WHO STOLE WHAT. I KNOW WHO SLEPT WITH WHO.
I KNEW JANIE IN STYLES WAS PREGNANT BEFORE SHE DID.
AND F.Y.I., IT'S NOT HER HUSBAND'S OR HER BOYFRIEND'S.
YOU DO KNOW A LOT.
LOOK, I'M TRYING TO FIND SOMETHING
THAT MIGHT HELP WITH MY MOTHER'S DEFENSE.
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD ANYTHING ABOUT A SECRET ROOM?
YOU MEAN THE LOVE DUNGEON?
(gasps) DO YOU KNOW WHERE IT IS?
SURE, IN NEVER-NEVER-LAND.
IT DOESN'T EXIST. IT WAS FEY'S WAY OF SAYING,
"I'M HUNG OVER AND I WANNA GO HOME."
IF YOU'D HIRED ME, YOU'D ALREADY KNOW THAT.
MAYBE I MADE A MISTAKE.
IF ANYTHING SHOULD EVER HAPPEN TO NICK, YOU'RE NEXT IN LINE.
YOU MEAN, LIKE, IF HE FALLS DOWN THE STAIRS?
ACTUALLY, I WAS THINKING MORE LIKE IF HE GOT MARRIED
AND MOVED AWAY, BUT I LIKE YOUR AMBITION.
FOR NOW, LET'S FORGET YOU EVER SAW ME IN DANIEL'S OFFICE.
WHY DON'T YOU GO PICK OUT SOMETHING NICE
FOR YOURSELF IN THE CLOSET?
(Fergie) ♪ 'CAUSE I REMEMBER YESTERDAY ♪
♪ WHEN I DREAMT ABOUT THE DAYS WHEN I'D ROCK ON M.T.V. ♪
DANIEL!
♪♪
DANIEL!
WHOA!
♪ SO REMEMBER YESTERDAY, WHEN I DREAMT ABOUT THE DAYS... ♪
DANIEL!
♪ THAT'D BE REALLY DOPE ♪
♪ SO REMEMBER YESTERDAY ♪
♪ WHEN I DREAMT... ♪
♪♪
DANIEL!
♪♪
BACK AWAY.
DANIEL, THIS IS BETTY.
IF YOU HEAR ME, QUINCY COMBS IS IN THE HOUSE!
(music stops)
SAVE YOURSELF! GO OUT THE BACK DOOR!
BETTY?
(woman) WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
FOR YOU.
IS THAT GIRL STALKING YOU?
SORRY, BUT, UH, MY DAUGHTER SAYS THE WHOLE BASEMENT IS FLOODED.
BUT I MADE DINNER.
IT LOOKS GREAT. MAYBE YOU COULD WRAP IT UP,
AND WE COULD DO THIS LATER IN THE WEEK.
PORK LASTS FOREVER.
DIOS. COULD YOU OPEN THIS, PLEASE?
I DON'T LIKE LEFTOVERS.
(cell phone rings)
AND I DON'T LIKE TO BE INTERRUPTED ON MY WEDDING NIGHT.
PLEASE, GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK AND LET ME GO.
MY FAMILY NEEDS ME.
SO DO I. NOW TRY THIS ON.
NO! DANIEL, I WAS HERE BEFORE YOU.
I WAS ENJOYING A FILTHY CUB SCOUT.
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.
I SAW YOU ACTING CRAZY, AND I SAW QUINCY COMBS' HAT!
NO! NO, WE ARE NOT DOING THIS HERE. I--NO.
BUT, DANIEL, I WAS JUST TRYING TO--
BETTY, STOP! WE'RE NOT AT THE OFFICE.
I DON'T NEED A CHAPERONE OR A BODYGUARD OR A BABYSITTER.
WHEN WE LEAVE THAT BUILDING, YOUR DAY IS OVER.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
PLEASE, FOR GOD SAKE, JUST LET ME LIVE MY LIFE!
PUNCH OUT!
DANIEL, YOU PROMISED ME AND MY SISTER YOU'D COME DANCE.
COME ON.
OH, YOU'RE STILL HERE?
AND I THOUGHT I WAS BURNING THE MIDNIGHT OIL.
WHAT'S THAT?
I FORGOT TO INCLUDE IT WITH THE EARLIER PACKAGE.
MIND IF I...
SIT FOR A MOMENT?
IT'S BEEN A CRAZY DAY,
AND... MY SHOES ARE KILLING ME.
I KNOW YOU NEVER EXPECT TO HEAR THIS FROM ME, BUT...
SOMETIMES IT'S CRIMINAL WHAT WE DO FOR FASHION.
ANY CHANCE WE CAN HAVE A DRINK, BRADFORD?
WHAT?
DRINK?
OH, YEAH. UH...
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE?
UH, I'LL HAVE WHATEVER YOU'RE HAVING.
OOPS.
AH.
(liquid spilling)
(clicks tongue)
I DON'T LIKE BEING PLAYED. YOU GAVE ME HOPE
THAT I COULD FIND SOME EVIDENCE TO HELP MY MOTHER.
THERE IS NO "LOVE DUNGEON," QUINCY,
AND NO DIARIES EITHER, I'M GUESSING.
GO FIND SOME OTHER CHUMP,
BECAUSE YOU JUST LOST YOUR BEST SOURCE.
SO THE BESIEGED QUEEN NEEDS TO SEE A LITTLE EVIDENCE?
WELL, I HAVE IT RIGHT HERE.
"SEPTEMBER 9, 2005--DON'T KNOW WHAT I CAN SAY TO COMFORT B.
WE MET IN THE LOVE DUNGEON."
SEE? RIGHT HERE-- FEY'S HANDWRITING. IT GOES ON.
"OUR AFTERNOON DELIGHT HAS BEEN REPLACED
"BY TALK, TALK, TALK OF ALEX,
AND HOW BADLY B. FEELS FOR THE WAY HE TREATED HIS SON."
THIS PART IS NOT IMPORTANT.
GIVE ME THAT.
"ALEX TOOK OFF FOR EUROPE,
AND NOW B. WANTS TO FOLLOW AND BEG HIM TO COME HOME."
TRY THE PANTS ON, TOO. I WANT TO TAKE A PICTURE.
CONSTANCE, DON'T.
YOU MIND WEARING A LITTLE HEEL?
I DON'T WANT TO TOWER OVER YOU SINCE I'M WEARING MY HAIR UP.
WE ARE NOT GETTING MARRIED!
I AM TRYING TO HELP YOU, NACHO!
YOU CAN'T HELP ME.
YOU DON'T EVEN WORK THERE ANYMORE!
THE GAME IS OVER, CONSTANCE.
NOW PLEASE, LET ME GO.
SO YOU'RE GONNA BE LIKE ALL THE REST OF 'EM, HUH?
I HELP YOU PUT YOUR LIFE TOGETHER.
I HOLD YOUR HAND WHEN YOU WALK INTO THAT BIG, SCARY COURTHOUSE.
I GET YOU TO THE FINISH LINE,
AND THEN I NEVER HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN.
THAT IS NOT TRUE.
YES, IT IS.
THERE ARE OVER 200 PEOPLE IN THAT BOOK ALONE.
WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
CONSTANCE, EVERY ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE
REMEMBERS YOU AND ARE GRATEFUL, BELIEVE ME,
BUT YOU CAN'T EXPECT THEM TO COME BACK
'CAUSE THEY STILL NEED YOU TO HOLD THEIR HANDS.
THEY HAVE TO GO FORWARD, AND SO DO YOU.
(pounding on door)
(Hilda) CONSTANCE, OPEN UP!
PAPI, ARE YOU IN THERE?
PAPI!
(pounding continues)
CONSTANCE, I COULD STAND OUT HERE ALL NIGHT!
(pounds)
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
WE WERE JUST TALKING.
IN COSTUME?!
YOU ARE IN A LOT OF TROUBLE, LADY!
NO, SHE'S NOT.
CAN I HAVE MY PHONE, PLEASE?
HERE.
WHAT IS THIS FOR?
I'D LIKE YOU TO TAKE A PICTURE BEFORE WE LEAVE.
TAKE...
(shutter clicks)
I'M SORRY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE MADE YOU COME HERE.
NO, YOU WERE RIGHT. I GET TOO INVOLVED.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?
WHY CAN'T I JUST BE MORE LIKE YOU
BETTY!
I MEAN, LOOK WHAT IT'S DONE FOR YOU.
YOU SHOULD TOTALLY GO BACK IN THERE. PEOPLE KNOW YOUR NAME.
YEAH, WELL, EVERYTHING COMES AT A PRICE.
WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU?
NO ONE CAN PRAISE YOU WITHOUT YOU GETTING ALL WEIRD.
BECAUSE I DON'T DESERVE ANY OF IT.
I DIDN'T GET INTO FASHION WEEK BECAUSE OF MY TALENT.
I MADE A DEAL WITH WILHELMINA.
A DEAL?
I AGREED TO DO THINGS FOR HER--
CERTAIN FAVORS, SUPPLYING INFORMATION.
WHAT KIND OF INFORMATION?
OH, EVERYTHING--GOSSIP, WHO'S LOYAL, WHO'S NOT.
I THINK I EVEN HAD SOMETHING TO DO
WITH PUTTING DANIEL'S FATHER AND MOTHER BEHIND BARS.
WAIT. WHY WOULD YOU EVER AGREE TO HELP WILHELMINA?
BECAUSE... I JUST WANTED SOMEONE TO SEE MY DESIGNS
THAT WASN'T JUST MY MOTHER OR MY BLOODY CAT.
SO EVERY CONVERSATION WE'VE HAD, EVERYTHING I'VE TOLD YOU,
YOU'VE TAKEN BACK AND YOU'VE REPORTED?
BETTY, IF SOMEONE CAME TO YOU
AND OFFERED YOU HELP JUST TO GET CLOSER TO YOUR DREAM, YOU--
NO, I WOULDN'T. I HAVE DREAMS, TOO,
I DIDN'T DO THIS TO HURT YOU.
CAN WE JUST--PLEASE, CAN WE TALK ABOUT IT?
NO, I DON'T THINK THAT WE CAN.
CHRISTINA, YOU'RE RIGHT.
THAT BUILDING IS THE WRONG PLACE TO LOOK FOR FRIENDS.
(hangers clatter)
(sighs)
SO YOU PLAN ON WORKING LATE AGAIN THIS WEEK?
MY SCHEDULE IS WIDE OPEN.
(telephone rings)
(ring)
(beep)
(voice mail beeps)
IT'S ALEXIS.
COULD YOU PLEASE GIVE ME A CALL WHEN YOU CAN?
THANKS...
DAD.
(telephone beeps)
(knock on door)
YOU EXPECTING SOMEONE?
MM. MIGHT BE MY SISTER.
ANSWER, WILL YOU?
I NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
HEY.
YOU WEREN'T SLEEPING, WERE YOU?
I DIDN'T THINK SO.
UM...
WHERE IS, UM,
WHERE'S BECKS?
I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE MORE FUN TO END THE NIGHT HERE.
OH. OKAY.
THERE'S, UM, STILL SOME MORE CHAMPAGNE.
I'VE HAD PLENTY.
SO ARE YOU GIVING PETRA THE MAY COVER OR THE JUNE?
WE DIDN'T TALK ABOUT ANY COVERS.
I WOULD PREFER MAY.
IT'LL GIVE US A BETTER SHOT AT DOING "HARPER'S BAZAAR" IN JULY.
WHAT, ARE YOU ALSO HER MANAGER?
NO.
I'M HER MOTHER,
AND MY DAUGHTER IS A MONTH SHY OF 17,
SO EITHER YOU GIVE HER THIS COVER
OR YOU MIGHT FIND YOURSELF IN A BIT OF TROUBLE, MR. MEADE.
PETRA IS 16?
OH. YOU DIDN'T ASK TO SEE I.D., DID YOU?
YOU NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY BOY.
(Betty) SO WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
THE GUY WHO'S GOT MY CASE SAYS HE'LL DO WHAT HE CAN
TO GET ME THE EARLIEST POSSIBLE COURT DATE. WE'LL SEE.
SO SHE'S JUST BEEN LYING TO YOU THIS WHOLE TIME?
WHY DIDN'T YOU LET HILDA CALL THE POLICE?
I THINK SHE'S BEEN PUNISHED ENOUGH.
SO HOW WAS YOUR NIGHT?
DID YOU GO TO THAT BIG, FANCY CLUB? WAS IT FUN?
THAT MUCH, HUH?
IT'S JUST BEEN A VERY LONG DAY.
YEAH, TELL ME ABOUT IT.
YOU KNOW, DAD, PEOPLE CAN REALLY SURPRISE YOU.
YES, THEY CAN,
BUT IT'S NOT ALWAYS BAD.
LIKE WHEN YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO YANKEE STADIUM,
AND YOU END UP AT A METS GAME.
THEY WON THEIR DIVISION.
MAYBE WE'RE JUST TOO TRUSTING.
YOU KNOW WHAT, MIJA?
MAYBE THAT'S NOT SUCH A BAD THING.
(telephone rings)
HELLO?
HI. UH, MR. SUAREZ, IT'S DANIEL.
Sorry to call so late.
THAT'S FINE. IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
UH, NO, NOT REALLY.
I'VE BEEN TRYING TO REACH BETTY ON HER CELL,
BUT IT'S GONE STRAIGHT TO VOICE MAIL. IS SHE THERE?
(lowered voice) IT'S DANIEL. HE WANTS TO SPEAK TO YOU.
IT SOUNDS LIKE HE MIGHT BE IN TROUBLE.
TELL HIM I'LL SEE HIM IN THE MORNING.
I'VE PUNCHED OUT.