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Hello?
Bill?
Come in!
Major Faultline?
Honey Bear?
Jerk!
I don't know what he answers to these days.
Hello! Come in!
Stupid thing.
I need to talk to you Bill! And also your sculpture of the Starship Enterprise made
out of butter is getting really rancid!
[sigh]
OK I know I look crazy. And not crazy hot, well I do look crazy hot.
But I mean like, cuckoo. I'm talking to an egg.
Essentially yes. I am talking to an egg.
But the Major is lost in time, he's been travelling around, apparently he's stuck in
the future...
I don't know. He briefly mentioned that, in passing, and he left me this egg, from the
future, ooh, and it's supposed to be something that I can contact him through,
but I've been trying everything and I can't get this damn egg to work.
Pretty much it just looks like somethin' that popped out of a chicken's ***.
Or hen.
Hen? Yeah. The roosters are the men, right?
Roosters are the men. I'm a hen. I'm a woman.
Anyway. This thing, it just doesn't do ***.
I need to talk to him, You honey, because I need his expertise on being fired.
He is an expert on being fired because it's happened like a zillion times.
So, what's happened is, while I was gone, I mean, on my brief kidnapping spree, I
mean I was being kidnapped, just, you know, that old thing...
Lung Fish panicked and hired all these idiots to swell the ranks of Ronin Force,
and for example, the Plumber.
Lung Fish hired him as super hero while I was gone, even though I had rejected his
resume, and calls, and faxes, and mail, numerous times, and said No. No way you
are ever gonna be a super hero.
So now he's been demoted to a janitor position, which I would have been fine
with, except he sucks at that too.
I mean, isn't he used to toilets and poo and pipes and metal and stuff?
And he can't even do that!
I mean, Aqua Soldier walked in. He is a W.U.S.S. recruit agent.
He looks for new people. I mean he didn't come there for that, I mean just came into
our office to use the bathroom, but that doesn't matter.
He was turning into liquid form, which he does around noon, I hear...
I don't know him personally, but I'd love to.
Anyway, so, he's doin' his thing, and the Plumber comes in and uses him as mop
water.
That's mixed with ***!
The mop is mopping up ***, and put in there.
That is just... bad on so many levels.
It's so embarrassing.
He needs to go.
All of those fools need to go.
Well actually, there's one guy who's OK.
His name is Le Gros Chapeau, he calls himself? And he wears this tiny little hat.
Like a little, it's a little hat!
And he has this little cute page boy haircut, and he kind of trots around and
does this a lot, and he's always in the corner, really furiously working hard.
Like I really respect his work ethic.
He's always giggling, in kind of a maniacal way... it's kind of attractive too, like kind
of like those clowns that are not scary, but they're like, Oh, they could be like a
hot dad or something underneath?
Anyway, yeah. So he's working hard, he's clearly giggling, enjoying his job... he's
really refreshing to be around.
He can stay, for now.
But those other fools, they've got to go.
And, I'm trying to think of a creative way to fire them, so I need to talk to the Major
because he's been fired like a zillion times.
Have I said that? Yeah. Many times. Like, you can't even count on hands.
So he would know what's fun when you're getting fired.
I mean not fun for him being fired, 'cause probably it's never fun, but for the fire-er.
Who had the most fun? What were they doing?
So I was thinking, maybe I'd have a pizza party for all the recruits?
And they'd be all like, Yay! Pizza! I'm lactose, but I'm just throwin' it to the wind
and having pizza! What's for dessert!
And I'd be like, Here's your dessert! It's pink. And it's a pink slip. And you're fired.
BOOM!
How awesome would that be?
Pizza party, and then firing party.
For one.
That would be awesome.
Or, I could make them fight to the death. Like with like knives or like those
gladiator things, because I'd tell them that there's one spot in Ronin Force left. And
they have to FIGHT to the death to be the one that takes the spot.
Then, I tell the winner, nuh-uh. There's no spot on Ronin Force. And, P.S.
You're arrested for ***.
How amazing would that be. For me. To watch.
I just think it's a really great idea.
I'm gonna write that down.
Where are my pens?
I had a whole bunch of pens.
I don't know.
Anyway. I really think that I need the Major's help because he's just so good at
being crappy and having ideas about what hurts feelings, because he's really, you
know, he's gone through a lot of *** from me, and from the many times he's been
let go.
If I could just keep him in one room long enough to talk to him about these things!
But this time travel thing is such a pain in the ***!
He's always disappearing, I mean I was asleep last night, or a couple nights ago,
and I rolled over, and there he is, wearing a knight's helmet, reeking of garbage, like
olde time garbage.
Like, I don't know WHERE he's been,
[sigh] and then I have this egg that's supposed to help me contact him, and I've
been doing this and this...
[windy warpy sound]
Hello?
Major? Honey? ***?
Nothing. Nothing! I just, you know what?
I think this is just an egg. A giant egg.
And I'm gonna wait for it to hatch, and I'm just gonna eat what comes out.
Uh... unless it's a dinosaur.
'Cause they're spiky.