Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
Hi, this is Patty Contenta with Ask An Expert answering your love and sensuality questions.
I feel like I'm in a *** rut. My husband and I have regular sex, but it doesn't excite
me like it once did. It's always satisfying, but I feel like we're missing some of that
chemistry we once had. Any ideas on how to get it back?
We can only be in moments where we have stale moments actually in our lives and sex can
be one of those things. And I do believe when you're in a marriage,
this seems like a simple thing, but creating a regular thing like a date night even if
it's once a month is really important. But not just any regular date night. So I
really think it's a moment for you to really turn up the volume flirting and foreplay.
I mean really turn it up. So we're going to use the whole dinner table situation as a
way to turn up the volume. So for example, when you are sitting at the
dinner table instead of just doing your usual thing when yo get the menu where you kind
of look at it and you order, this is what I would do. I look at the menu and I'm always
touching myself because touching myself reminds me of how much I love myself, and then as
I'm looking at the menu, I use this opportunity to always ask my man what does he want. I'm
a woman that wants to know what everybody loves to eat because food is very important
to me. And after he shares what he's having, I sort of lean over with a gentle chest press,
I use my middle finger to touch his menu and make sure with a very passive, soft voice
read what I'm having to him. And remember I'm poetic, so I remember that it's a moment
to turn up the foreplay, alright. So I'm reading the menu of what I'm having to him off of
his menu, so it's a reason to kind of lean in, touch him a little bit, tilt your head,
maybe give him extended eye contact. So that's one way when it comes to the menu.
Another way is engaging people in this whole thing. The waiter and waitress are always
fun. They're there to sort of help you play along. So if I don't know what I want to order,
I ask them, tell me what's the most delicious thing on the menu, I can't decide between
this and this and I really need your help. And I'm going in there this way and every
time that he starts describing what's better or what's good, I'll give a touch and get
excited about I thin I want to have that. Just to get him involved with the food we're
about to have. So that's the whole food and menu thing.
Then there's a moment where you're having a wine glass and want to have some wine. Don't
just look at that wine glass, pick it up and do cheers. Touch the wine glass, play with
stem, enjoy how it feel in your hands. It seems very obvious but it's so playful and
so fun. I've done this with even guys that know what I do and they still smile every
time I do it because they know where I'm going with it and I think that's great. So the wine
glass stem thing and we have other things like when he passes you the bread. Don't just
take the bread, take a moment to touch his wrist, give him a gentle squeeze, look at
him again, extended eye contact, then take the bread and joyfully receive from him with
a thank you. So these are simple little moments that I
think you know where I'm going with this where you can start adding a little bit of zip into
dinner. i mean even playing footsie under the table, why not. Accidental footsie, see
how he reacts. Then maybe do it again. These are all of the things we see in movies
but we tend to sometimes shy away from because we thin is it really important. But it is.
And always works.