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these are stories of hope and courage from the hospitals and university of
loma linda
the image has been and even married for fourteen years and we have three
children
my eldest daughter is me anything she's thirteen inches in eighth grade
and then i have sendpm
here's eleven almost well and he's in sixth grade
and then they engaged is operating and she is nineteen and she's in the fourth
grade were very close family and we've always had a very much and
they can see that i was
just not myself
when she needs attention to kill started taking over her life
her family was on the and of breaking apart i have struggled with that diction
since i was eighteen years old i was in a car accident he broke my leg
rather than physical therapy i've got lots of pills and and so i've had to
struggle throughout my whole life
started really low
it's really stakeout effecting my marriage
because i restraining them my feelings
n effectively interaction with my family and isolated alive
no one really
told me was going on scorpion on themselves
just little things that she denied and noted spent it wasn't
but he was in my mom my mom now
panhandle finalize
yes
political ecology
highly-placed
acecomm along
howard apply
camino hardest part was
watching my kids
watcher goto
knowing that she strathclyde from the kids
but not really doing a job at it
my children alter
and i can see in their eyes and esther
was going
and my husband and i
are not communicating
exhilarating given up
i thought to myself
how could someone
he says the love that has been
says the kids
begging
might be the biggest peace and
but the family is that they're not emotionally available because you know
emotions are planted
if they have this irritability going on there dekho really focus somewhere else
that focuses on getting
picked up
tired of art
certainly
involved anymore
she's cameras up in her room one king received
c addiction plays with your mind and you think that's actually sick but you're
just making yourself sector
communication myself very rational
with your family might be different still
it was definitely spiraling out of control
i was at the edge we were off
very edge
i was probably most carrier
meaning relationship
there are a lot of my friends
air and forget the same thing the aren't important
handed my fat from mine
my mom and dad
there was a point where
i wanted to leave
but at the same time
i didn't want to leave
a good idea
when i look back over what i hear this
i could have killed myself
and i do not want
i want to live
newland from eight children and i guess
that was a turning point for me
this time
you know get some help
that's been going on for mary for fourteen years and i wanted to be where
everybody would consider normally in reviews wake up in the morning
and just be fine here today and i have to
user to do the things
do you want to bring my family on board with acted bmc and going through
treatment along with them it's invaluable
you know we were so and slated
that opening up it to my family as especially my immediate family my
children and my husband
it's just
brought the walls down so they could talk about it never satin
in front of my children
candidate
you know that's just didn't want them to be change i mean
but then once we really expect slated to me in explaining to them
it's just seemed only out for him and this is what we're doing to fix it
it can be easy to make the mistake
of just focusing on the
missing ground the reality that and it is actually impacting
the family's says
before i can be like undid
nobody would know the difference
the because they're involved and then you know
what i need to get help me
it keeps me uncountable participation by the family reduces the rate of relapse
actually helps occasions
uh...
continue on intrigued
you taking everybody
and given them some education
some coping skills
identity pleaded allen sent in the room
syringes came on and you know kids nine and has been came to his teens and
and you know more about himself in the land about themselves
and when you really open the dialogue
to talk about it which we never had before
really excited there
the kids finally got to speak out
separated alcohol and drugs from my mom
so it was
person forever talking
early prime around five point for the cockpit maroon
but i'll
love song
wildlife now
alonso haha
it harm that
it is like a busy
*** at
and he taught me about it
it is important for the kids to be involved in what
windsors difficult here those things
because you feel like a responsible but yet
they have them
ability to tell you how they fill in the opens in the dialogue
the screen them in me
and and has been you know just to know what
what we were doing affects them you never know what you've done
and he really can
they can open their mouths and tell you cannot wait a family member just
something about themselves to for kids especially its really important to be
able to keep them safe place
to talk about
what's going on
behinds
they're not allowed to talk about it generally what's going on
relation between jenny and i
ten times better
we've learned a
communicate
with each other
pantaloon
timelines online pad
styles and home
claims
contacts
i feel that my melinda
and flown
has giving me so much hope
hope for the future
hope for a better life
i feel like everyone else live my life
to show them
live my life the best thing
intervening sample
they can do for somebody
i haven't gotten
van nuys fans can without
handed to bring our kids home
to both of us
my family
all of us together
my leg pain
the internally landslides
and eugene
imitation
dot
i'm a very creative person a film more alive when i'm out there
dancing and singing and
elaborating
and
evaluating family in grief
and i have nothing out all of them
of the beach
and
and fight
alike like
hahaha
altitude
in allegheny
usar your everyday teenagers going about their lives school sports and friends
and
but under the surface there can be a lot of heat and came
tactic kalyne stuff
frank lloyd
antagonistic handout as having and island comment
incase like and comments before and i mean i can't keep it
as in the fifth grade
setting
stephanie
and at that time
i was in using resistor anything like that actually used by mail
and how it cleared
itself
activity here
and again and again and again like a light sometimes hank at what i hope i
needed to get home x_-rated like earning lights up which is big open up a whole
day like
others like this it feel like i like there's a lot like kind of thing and it
just like it's ice could scare myself living
so for entry is intentional
harming of yourself
for any number of reasons that could be to cope with uh...
overwhelming emotions it could be to punish yourself it could be four
to get some as attention for how fourteen to twenty four percent of
adolescents
in in recent research telesat dates self injured sometime in their life
most often is cutting
uh... but it also can be biting heating hair pulling picking is very common as
well
we can yourself injuring really isn't any different
then the football players smokes pot
where the cheerleader drinks too much on the weekends
we all do things that are unhealthy to make ourselves feel better
layers of glass a wine after worker smoking cigarettes are great
were gambling on the weekend or shopping too much
we are two things
healthy
against common
more relaxed
these kids are any different
uh... young person who is trying to hide their cutting
make had
may cut
on their chest where broward cover
they make had on there's bias
and so even if the range shorts it's covered
that's gonna be harder to detect it's gonna be harder to find the warning
signs you're not gonna see the physical evidence of
you're gonna see more emotionally
the most important thing
to remember is to stay calm
your response opposed to your reaction are very important and what happens with
that child in the next half hour or so
the first thing to do his two gets into a safe place disquiet
of course if there's injuries are serious scene you did treat do that
first
simply sit and listen to them away from where their kids can see
just that time alone with them
where you can listen to what
their kenya's not look at their pain
because they're saying
can you see my pain
knocking you see my cats
so spent time with them before you call the police before you call the parents
just sit and talk to them given the chance to calm down
wheezing recommend about half an hour or maybe forty minutes if you have that
much time
and of course
uh... carats must be called
and you must let yall know
the adolescent know that their parents need to be informed to you can help them
get treatment for this and the it's treatable and there is hope
really
ape-like frustrating bhai like i can explain my feelings my parents like this
is how i feel inside and as always kind of like a built-up like tension and i
would just like act out towards people and i would guess i_d_ rebellious things
and i would just kinda like i couldn't figure out who i was a lot of things
were going on at that time that there were escalating with page
she weighs that very emotional very injury we couldn't get in there
to kim in a cave which is currently chair
i definitely felt something missing inside felt up with
everything like that especially boys i fell in love with a allotment boys that
just
like just broke we got emotionally a definate cannot be l most of the time we
see is that people who sell singer
have had a lot of invitation
a lot of consistent
isolation alive
times were families
on don't get along thing don't have a voice in their family
so the self injure to feel better
and they often do it alone
awful child with change
k enough i was upset sometimes i would find it because it was like a
it made me really happy after but it was only a i realize it was only a short
while before i have to do it again
there's things that help your body didn't hand
deal with stress hands
cope with
unimaginable pain
that's built into its that we all have that
and and we activated we need
these kids need
i want to take my physical pain
and and like i'd rather take it affects satellite emotionally like damage to
help when somebody cuts to cope
cuttings actually making their situation
it's not fixing the environment fixing what's happened in but it's fixing them
heart fixing where they are motion like i thought it was okay
but i've got one they get bigger and they get deeper and like it's just that
i lead uh...
like unionist
destroying yourself like
thank you never going to have to deal with the real problems
so when i was eleven came into my dad at that time
well
the chemo sentences
i wish and sunday
and i said what
locating you've rolls up his sleeve
and he's kind of peace
use caches ever seen
like he it's just it
think that this is crucially pain
in my chest at doesn't have a hard
and realize something was on on me
deeply
at that time
that was when in mumbled on to divorce which was a hard time for me
and me it was a hard time for everybody
we were always a very close to town
cell that divorce really time
uh... through with the family and the people
adding weight to
dipping any
i didn't want to
mostly because it had started at person
because
i was volatile
in essence the cutting really
attendant
on verifies and invalidates that they've matter they have the motions there real
people
and so i i i don't take it as the horrible thing and take it as of really
dysfunctional wave of saying
re-take the
emotional pain it can be caught that they can't control
and do some physical pain that they can control
and uh...
overrides the emotional pain things like that
if you're stressed out you actually saw from the time with a hammer and also in
you know we read about your bills anymore
your your
that physical pain takes over
they also have history sometimes of the abuse
and not necessarily to *** abuse which most people talk about but also
physical abuse neglect
post-traumatic stress
someone whose father has gone into
iraq or maybe a mother who has done a treatment for alcoholism or maybe a loss
for the parent when or a divorce or maybe they lived with their grandparents
and they got taken away from them
late like across in situations like this profits
i did not have the ability
fight to talk to somebody
i thought that because
was having had happened
that was who i was
there wasn't like a life outside of that
i thought it was always gonna be like is right there
sometimes pig
they may want to die
and they can't they don't know what to do with that feelings just to overwhelm
it's too much
and so if they
if they conduct they came to take away that feeling of wanting to die
and i just i became like this person
just actively everything was fine but then i would fall apart and nobody would
be in there because they didn't know
and so the cut themselves
to have something else to focus on
their in their little world when it's going on
and it's happening
he also have endorphins that kick in
and nuns the pain so they feel
and the actually
check out for a little bit they tell us you know so they don't hear the
screaming on the other side of the door
to just focus on feeling better themselves for that moment
gave me like security uh...
because of the park
begins ironing out i can take care of myself no matter what happens like
inundating falls apart n my family
or in-house l_a_ in my life i'd can always have this thing that i can take a
myself
there's a lot of guilt attached to cutting
and spending time
i needed to spotlight i'll tell my parents i think there's a like except
like like i need help
it was their helpless
hopeless
operable feeling prepare
and just desperate
wanting someone
looking to anybody and everybody ten
help us
i didn't want
to believe that there was something
deeper
with came into being
seeking attention
and we don't have people got sick
with these type of me and with that type of thing
so it was great
i think wins an adult finds a kid carrying
it really freaks and
one eight understanding
to they don't
they can't figure out why they're doing
and a um...
they don't know how to make it better
we feel helpless
page actually came to us and said that
and
free to be alone
and i'm afraid of myself and the phrase that i will kill myself without mean to
and that the first thing we dare that whereas the firm
references for counselors it's a big deal with the work for you tonight to
tell me
country
you've dot too
you've got to accept that gift of their trust that they've given you
i came up on something that cookbooks
that i'd need its outside they needed someone a profession
who really knew what he was going and my reaction that i was scared that i was
going to deal with him
yelling at me
uh... very upset a
by his reaction was more
supportive
anyway
and send us therapy
not only teaches skills for the kids
teaches the carrots skills
in intention
and what to pay attention to
acknowledging their emotions
not to be scared about their notion but validating
each out there
and then being people
to realize that
and we can work together and meet choices first meeting we like to know
islands like in l_a_ right now
not going to the paper to stay at all
and i thought back to late watch the parents i talked with recycling
this could help me out that way you know i can't like his childlike victim by
like no it's not going away thank i hate if anything
because i don't have started
went figuring out that yeah i can and it need to be there and
there was a place where i can be opened and
that and was in the home like only one
i didn't want to go because
analysts here
you know when the first command
somewhat resistant as you would be is a teenager and the parents are thinking
about commitment they're making a how long it's going to take
and once they get past a month or so our treatment sixteen weeks there so
committed to the program and they're actually scared to leave because they're
so excited to have a group that understands them they're learning tools
their family life is changing it
really takes
the person as they are
and sees them in the very best light but there are
realizing that they're doing the best they can under the circumstances that
they've
they think it's an in their life whether it's genetic whether its environmental
whether it's dramatic
and it takes them where they are
and it assumes that
that this person
the suffering
and the thing you really wanted to be
they had these particular skills that they were teaching you
and that we see realize that these skills were
for all of us we all instead why was that i think it every basic effort to
death
because that i've realised not only is going to help me
with page
but it's going to help me in our relationship sent for myself before
i'd just like housing just kids but now as a parent and where they came from
unhinged
saw how they fell down anything you like that my grandson
feelings and talking about like and here they are not ideal in the lake
kind of thing
they're struggling to depress their anxious
they need their parents there with him one parent or both parents
in our programs we always include families
families healed together
they gave best a whole toolbox of
skills
and we went away at with a treasure chest of skills that i can now go to
if in fact i think of how like how can i think this
like with one of the late
you know steps they came here are some name you know it's not a step by step
that i get this business and you'll be great lake they have to work through it
you and show you how do apply it
air system
uh... world of difference in
intimacy that life is perfect
there's bombs but now we have to have to attest to help to see the bombs
had i have a spectacular talent it's reassuring to me
until about that
there's nothing here began doing their best when something happened
alan apakah
everyday planning ahead
to protect that
away like that that to the side
for today
how to deal with what i'm going through
i was started in l ike
talk for a friend that i want to talk site daily alan you have a family and
life
a state my parents really gotten out of the eight yes no one thing about me like
i needed to be a waiver
yeah like i missed my mom when she goes away i think i mean it's made out she
wants to be with me
she texts me when i'm at work
uh... and miss you
week she's affectionately air tickets are on the cheek yakin hai erika holzer
and
certainly enjoy each other college ends in hopes that they
kind of let go
and now i i like giselle like i want to start my life i want to go to school i
want to go to college like
it's like i want to have like a family has to do get depressed and when i get
depressed i want to do that
blair happy for now that
to help myself and not doing that
we know the triggers
we know dixon
and then we know that we have to have
schools
and fill in that way
this is weekend
so we don't think that we had
it was really good
after like everyday act eight more my happiness bat
that was taken away from me
to depression
i got my son
and uh...
i think he's cool make it
thank you for joining us
the next episode postini dvd whose on the waiting list for an infant heart
transplant