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One more push, Mrs. Sadelstein. Push! Push!
lt's a boy.
And so happy! Look at him smiling.
He's got a roommate! Keep pushing!
Honey, we're having twins!
-She fell on top of him. -lt's a girl?
Yes, Mrs. Sadelstein, and she seems to be irritating her brother.
l believe she just stuck her hand up his ***.
ls that normal for twins?
lt happens. l wouldn't say it's normal.
Doctor, she just stuck her foot up there, too.
You know, you got to admit though, that is kind of cute, huh?
Are you going bald?
No, no, no, no. You're getting fatter, and your hair doesn't realize
that it needs to cover more face.
-Okay. -Where'd you put the car?
l put the car... Wait a minute.
Are we seriously just carrying that? What about helping me with some bags?
l'm carrying Poopsie's cage. It's very heavy.
-You brought the bird? -What? She's sick.
She's dying of spleen cancer. l'm supposed to leave her there?
You ever think maybe she's dying of old age? We got her when we were four.
A bird is a lifetime commitment. She's lucky one of us remembers that.
Now she's flapping around. All right, sit still.
Sit!
Stay. Stay.
A cart!
Okay, that'll help.
l see. That's gonna help you.
-A cart for free! -Very good.
What's the matter? You look tired. Are you tired?
Yeah, l'm tired. It's 4:OO in the morning.
For me. For you, it's 1:OO in the afternoon.
-No. For you, it's 7:OO a.m. For me, it's 4:OO. -ln the afternoon?
No! In the morning. Right now!
No! No, no, no. Because...
Then l wouldn't have landed for another three hours and l'd be tired.
Quit making things up, Mr. Numbers.
Okay. Nice shoes.
What? Thank you.
Payless.
When l go to the bathroom, at the most it takes 10 minutes.
What were you doing in there?
Well, it takes me a while because l have so much to take off.
l have the pantyhose, and then l have to take down my underwear,
then l take off my Spanx, and by that time l'm like,
''Hey, l'm halfway home, let me just take the skirt off and the shirt off,
''and just feel naked...''
-Hey, how about this? Forget l asked. -All right.
Can you do me a favor? Will you lower your window a little?
-l need... -Why don't you put yours down?
No, no, no. l need a cross-breeze. So come on, down a little bit. Thank you.
Yeah. Whoa, that's too much. A little up. A little up.
Thank you.
Now l'm not feeling anything.
How about the back window? Just take that down.
Yeah.
That's too much for Poopsie! Poopsie! Up the window!
How about l put the air conditioner on?
Okay, if you want to waste the money.
Oh, my God.
She's only here till Sunday.
Yeah.
How long are you here for?
Long enough to know better.
You're a war vet, l heard? What war were you in?
War of the Worlds.
Yeah.
Have a good Thanksgiving.
No... l'm hanging up the phone. Goodbye.
Good morning, honey.
Hey, you know, Jill leaves on Sunday. You could try to control yourself.
You're right. No, you're right. She means well.
Ready for breakfast.
What are you doing? Why don't you get a robe on?
What? You don't walk around in your underwear anymore?
Last l checked, we were family!
Will you just...
You got your stuff flopping around in front of my kids.
Why is it okay for Erin to wear that?
What is your hang-up, man?
Just put something on so my kids don't have to have their minds sandblasted.
-Jack. -You know what?
l'm saying l like your shoes, all right? Great shoes!
l'm not even wearing shoes.
Stop being weird, weirdo!
Yeah.
Fine, l'll put on your precious coat.
ls that better, guys?
ls the evil underwear monster back in her cave?
You don't have to be scared anymore. The bras and ***!
Oh, God.
A ham this good only comes once a generation.
l give this ham four rings.
That's a hell of a good ham right there.
Whose idea was the wig?
That was his choice.
That's great.
Because you don't recognize
-it's Shaq at all, with the wig. -No.
l think that's smart because
King's Head Ham paid him a million bucks, and so l'm sure they're gonna go,
''Great! People will never know it's him!''
You should have put a hockey mask on his face
to guarantee no one knows it's one of the greatest basketball players of all time.
The ninja ham will attack.
What is your goal here?
You know what l mean? Just get that ham
and make it look cool, and make it look fun. You know what l mean?
Ham hasn't been fun for so long.
No, your goal to me seems like it's to destroy my whole company.
That's what's going on when l see this.
l love this ham.
We needed you there, man.
Yeah, l would have been there,
but l was having a picnic lunch on Telly Savalas' gravesite.
So, you got to understand where l'm coming from.
You know what? The only way l can feel better right now is
if you say, ''l am useless.''
-Okay. l'm useless, man. -No.
Say it loud enough for the whole company to hear.
l'm useless!
Now, get up on the couch and do the ''l'm useless'' monkey dance.
Come on.
l'm useless! l'm useless!
All right. Now, eat a banana and turn off the TV.
l just... Let's see, what else?
You sounded like you were...
l like what you ordered, but l don't want to get what you got.
Let's get a Norwegian cold water salmon. Is that good?
lt's a real nice piece of fish.
Okay, l don't want that.
Chicken bruschetta and fresh spinach. Is that good?
lt's very popular here.
Okay, l don't want that. l want...
-New pot roast. -Another good choice.
Why is it ''new''?
They actually just added it to the menu, so they put a ''new'' sticker on it.
Okay, good luck with it.
Let's go with Tuscan chicken with white beans,
but instead of the white beans, can l trade that in for mashed potatoes?
Yes, you can.
No, give me the white beans.
-Okay. -And to drink,
l will have
tomato iuice. Sprinkle in some ginger ale, and just go for it.
Thank you... Lady.
Look, Jack, l have no problem doing this adult diaper commercial. l really don't.
l just don't want people to assume that l wear them. Fair?
This is when he was trying to grow an afro. Him trying to grow an afro!
You know what, how about this?
At the end of the commercial, l stare right in the camera and say,
''Depends really absorb a lot, or so l've been told.''
That's a nice compromise.
But you know, you're partners with Jack.
-l'm the partner. -And you're the assistant.
He hates you.
He what?
Whoa!
Funny meeting you here.
l saw you enioying that frankfurter,
but not enough to call me.
What was l gonna do? Thank you for the frankfurter. It was good.
-Not as good as Nathan's. -Does this bother you?
Okay, smoking is bad for you. It kills you, and you lose your fingers from it.
So, just keep it to yourself.
The fingers will go? We need those.
But, you know, we all suffer from these little imperfections.
Although, l've yet to find yours.
Okay, eyes up. Eyes up.
What's that?
-Jean Naté! -Yeah.
The scent of destiny.
Yeah. l don't know what you're doing right now, but just listen,
l am not your wham, bam, eggs and ham type.
l'm not a one night stand for you.
l doubt very much if a galaxy of one-nighters would be enough to
delve into the depths of your charms.
l only have one more day out here. Watch yourself.
He's got me leaving tomorrow, by the way.
-Yeah. _Cause l'm so annoying to him!
l overheard that little cake spat you had there with your brother, Popcorn.
l come out on your side.
Thank you. l mean, l'm not trying for much.
l'm asking for my own cake, so l can have my own candles to blow out.
Who's that gonna hurt?
Only me, because l know how achingly beautiful you would look in candlelight.
Will you stop? You don't quit.
No. Why should l? Not while l'm ahead.
lf l had pants, you'd charm them right off, wouldn't you?
No, l'm not into pants.
What? What are you...
The reason l don't wear pants is l get rashes with the hot weather in California.
But l take Benadryl and there is calamine lotion.
You know? l want to hear more.
How about we take a drive, find you a birthday cake?
l know an open bakery.
l'm sure you do. l can't just get in the car with you.
l don't know you. l know everyone else knows you, but l don't.
Sham-Wow!
You know what? You know what? Just... Let's go. Let's go somewhere.