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Recently, I saw in the news that a chimp attacked a man. The chimp bit off the man's face, and
his genitalia. That's some coldblooded stuff, man. Did you know that chimps are the most
dangerous animal in the world when they escape from zoos? They're more dangerous than lions,
than bears, than sharks -- I'm not sure how many sharks have escaped from a zoo, but you
can imagine the pandemonium that would ensure if you saw one coming down the causeway. But
the reason that they're so dangerous is that they're super smart, they got the strength
of eight retards, and they never forget. You can be that guy at the zoo who cleans out
the cages with the hose. You know, the one who squirts out the poo. And you could be
there squirting it out, and all of the sudden you get a kink in the house, and then suddenly
it squirts the guy in the face. He's gonna sit in that tire swing, and he's gonna brood.
What the hell? The poo's down there, my face is up here. What's he saying, Clyde? Clyde
is the orangutan in the cage next to him. I'm gonna get that guy. And he will too. It
could be years later when Chim Chim escapes, and that same guy at the zoo could be walking
down the street. Suddenly, Chim Chim drops out of a tree. He's got a jean jacket on.
He's got a do-rag and a toothpick. You know, he looks like a thug from the 80s, but he's
smart. But he's a chimp, you know, he's still a little back. Hey, Chim Chim, when did you
get out? You're still not mad about that whole hose thing, Chim Chim? There was a kink in
the hose. What's that? What do I value most in my life? Well, I guess my face and my genitalia.
Why do you ask?