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(John H.) ALL RIGHT, AMERICA. LET'S PLAY BIG BALL.
UHH!
COME ON!
(men grunting)
(monkeys screech)
(John A.) THAT'S RIGHT, 24 COMPETITORS
ARE ABOUT TO HIT THE FIELD AND FALL HEADLONG
INTO A BATTLE FOR $50,000...
UHH! WHOA!
ON THE WORLD'S MOST EXTRAORDINARY OBSTACLE COURSE.
WHOO-HOO!
WE'LL SEE MAGNIFICENT FALLS...
UHH!
ASTONISHING SPILLS,
AND SENSATIONAL TUMBLES.
AAH!
ONLY OUR MIGHTIEST THREE WILL ADVANCE
TO THE MOST CHALLENGING OBSTACLE OF ALL--
THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
THE EPIC COMPETITION BEGINS NOW.
ONE WILL BECOME A CHAMPION, BUT ALL WILL...
WIPEOUT.
(man) YOU'RE WELCOME, "WIPEOUT"! COME ON!
HELLO, AMERICA, AND WELCOME TO
AN ALL-NEW, ALL-THRILLING SUMMER EPISODE OF "WIPEOUT."
I'M JOHN ANDERSON.
ALONGSIDE ME, MY CO-HOST JOHN HENSON.
AH, "WIPEOUT."
I BELIEVE IT WAS SHAKESPEARE WHO SAID,
"A BIG BALL BY ANY OTHER NAME WOULD SMELL AS SWEET."
I DON'T THINK SHAKESPEARE SUGGESTED
SMELLING THE BIG BALLS.
NO, I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT THAT.
MM-HMM.
THAT MIGHT'VE BEEN BAZOOKA JOE.
NOW THAT COULD BE.
TIME TO MOVE ON AND WELCOME OUR 24 CONTESTANTS,
WHO ARE READY TO TAKETH THEIR BEST SHOT AT $50,000,
AND IT ALL STARTS WITH THE QUALIFIER.
WE'LL BEGIN THIS WEEK WITH BUCKING BRONCOS.
WILD HORSES COULDN'T DRAG THEM AWAY.
(horse whinnies and snorts)
FROM THERE, IT'S ON TO DRIVER'S ED.
YEAH, WHERE OUR WHEELIES POP YOU.
NEXT UP, THE WORLD-FAMOUS BIG BALLS.
NONE BIGGER OR BALLSY-ER.
AFTER THAT, IT'S ON TO THE MONKEY JIGGLE-ATOR.
FIRST THEY CONQUER OUR CONTESTANTS, THEN THE PLANET.
AND FINALLY THE DOUBLE BARREL,
WHERE TODAY WE'RE TOSSIN' PIZZAS.
EXTRA CHEESE, EXTRA WIPEOUTS, PLEASE.
24 CONTESTANTS TO BEGIN.
ONLY THOSE WITH THE TOP 12 TIMES WILL MOVE ON.
ALL RIGHT, WIPEOUTS AWAIT.
LET'S GET DOWN TO THE THIRD MEMBER OF OUR TEAM, JILL WAGNER.
AHH, LOOK AT THIS. IT'S SUCH A PRETTY DAY.
AND OUR FIRST CONTESTANT OF THE DAY IS UP.
WHOO! YEAH!
AND SHE IS LINGERIE MODEL ZARAH MONTES.
OF COURSE! ZARAH MONTES!
SHE'S A WIDE RECEIVER FOR THE SAN DIEGO SEDUCTION.
(air horn blows)
I DRAFTED HER IN MY FANTASY LINGERIE FOOTBALL LEAGUE.
NO JOKE.
WATCHING HER RUN THE CONTROL TOP OFFENSE
IS A THING OF BEAUTY.
FIRST AND TEN, ZARAH BREAKS THE HUDDLE
AND HEADS FOR THE BUCKING BRONCOS.
(whinnying and snorting)
YOU SURE THAT'S A BRONCO? LOOKS LIKE A COW.
OH, HO HO!
OHH!
BUT THERE ARE THE HORSESHOES.
MUST BE ONE OF THEM HORSE... COWS.
AAH!
(neighs)
OHH! THROWN FOR A LOSS.
OH, HO HO!
"WIPEOUT" IS JUST LIKE LINGERIE FOOTBALL, JOHNNY,
IN THAT SLOW-MOTION REPLAYS ARE THE BEST PART.
ZARAH SCRAMBLING UP THE STAIRS FOR THE SECOND HALF.
OHH!
OOH!
WELL, THE HORSESHOES GET A RINGER,
BUT THE BRONCOS FOOTGEAR A FAR CRY
FROM ZARAH'S 4-INCH STILETTO CLEATS.
AAH!
OH!
OH, HO! HORSESHOES ARE USUALLY GOOD LUCK,
BUT HERE ON "WIPEOUT," WE DON'T BELIEVE IN LUCK. OR IN GOOD.
ZARAH GETTING BEHIND THE WHEEL OF THE TEAM BUS AT DRIVER'S ED.
SWERVING OFF THE ROAD HERE.
HANGS ON, THOUGH. GREAT HANDS.
THAT'S WHY I DRAFTED HER IN MY FANTASY LEAGUE.
THAT AND HER THIGH-HIGHS.
AAH!
OH, HO NOW!
AAH!
ZARAH HASN'T TAKEN A SHOT LIKE THAT SINCE...
AAH! AAH! AAH!
THAT BENCH-CLEARING CAT FIGHT AT THE LINGERIE SUPER BOWL.
(slo-mo voice) AAH!
BET PILLOW FIGHT EVER.
OUR LINGERIE FOOTBALLER NOW FACING OUR FEARSOME FOURSOME--
THE STORIED BIG BALLS.
LINED UP AND HEADING INTO THE TEETH OF THE DEFENSE.
HEY! STICKS THE LANDING!
OH, HO!
SHE'S STAYING ON!
LINGERIE FOOTBALL PLAYER IS A PRO!
EW!
AAH!
BUT SHE GETS STOPPED AT THE GOAL LINE.
GOOD TRY, ZARAH.
JUST LIKE THAT TOUCHDOWN AGAINST THE LAS VEGAS SIN...
(groans) THAT SHE DROPPED IN THE END ZONE.
OH!
NOW THIS GAME'S ABOUT TO GET REALLY INTERESTING
AT THE JIGGLE-ATOR.
ZARAH LINING UP IN HER T-BACK FORMATION.
(monkeys screeching)
MONKEYS LINING UP IN THEIR SILVERBACK FORMATION.
OH, MY GOSH! I HATE MONKEYS.
(Jill) YOU HATE MONKEYS?
WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE.
WOW, I FEEL LIKE I'M WATCHING "RUDY,"
EXCEPT RUDY IS A CHICK,
AND NOTRE DAME IS FACING A TEAM OF KILLER MONKEYS.
KILLER MONKEYS, HUH? THEY SEEM DOCILE ENOUGH TO ME.
WELL, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE CALLED OFFSIDES,
YOU HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL THEY CALL "HIKE."
RED 22! RED 22!
BLUE BANANA! BLUE BANANA! HUT, HUT, HIKE!
WHOA! LOOK AT THAT!
OHH!
LET THE CHAOS BEGIN!
OOH!
OH! IT'S GETTING A LITTLE HANDSY NOW.
COME ON, REF! BLOW THE WHISTLE! BLOW THE WHISTLE!
AAH!
OH!
OOH, HOO HOO! LET'S HOPE THOSE CHIMPS DON'T GET FLAGGED
FOR EXCESSIVE CELEBRATION.
YOU CAN SEE HERE ON THE SMASH CAM,
ZARAH SPLITS THE SEAM AND SEES NOTHING BUT DAYLIGHT,
THEN WATER, THEN DAYLIGHT AGAIN...
AND THEN MORE WATER.
ZARAH'S MADE IT TO OUR LAST OBSTACLE.
IT'S THE DOUBLE BARREL
AND TODAY, WE'RE SLINGING PIZZA PIE.
JUMP RIGHT IN THAT BARREL, RIDE IT AROUND,
THEN HOP OUT ONTO THE FINAL PLATFORM,
OR TAKE A COLD SWIM TO THIS FINISHING SPOT.
OOH!
OHH! DON'T FORGET ABOUT THE EXTRAS.
UH... PEPPERONI AND CHEESE WITH THAT?
YEP, LOTS OF PEPPERONI, LOTS OF CHEESE,
AND SAUCE.
THE LINGERIE FOOTBALLER MAKING A STOP AT OUR CONCESSION STAND.
JUMPS FOR THE FINISH...
OHH!
AH!
ZARAH GETS SAUCED AND TOSSED,
BUT AT LEAST SHE DELIVERED HERSELF TO THE FINISH LINE
IN 30 MINUTES OR LESS.
A VERY NICE OPENING DRIVE. ZARAH FINDS THE END ZONE
WITH A TIME AROUND 6 1/2 HALF MINUTES...
(groans)
AND SHE'S HOPING THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH
TO GET HER NUMBER CALLED AGAIN LATER.
BACK AT THE TOP OF THE COURSE IS OUR NEXT CONTESTANT--
DAN KOSITZKE.
JOHN, IS HE SOME SORT OF ZEN MASTER?
NEVER SAY NEVER!
WHOO! YEAH!
HMM. ZEN MASTER WITH A BIT OF AN OUTBURST.
BIEBER!
YEAH!
HE JUST SAID "BIEBER," DIDN'T HE?
(air horn blows)
(scoffs) DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
WHAT WOULD A 32-YEARD-OLD WAITER FROM LANSING, MICHIGAN,
BE YELLING "BIEBER" FOR?
AH, GOOD POINT. I MUST'VE HEARD HIM INCORRECTLY.
OH, HO!
WHOA! DAN--TROUBLE GETTING CENTERED UP
FOR HIS GO AT THE BUCKING BRONCOS.
WHOO! BIEBER! UHH!
OHH!
OH! DID HE JUST SAY "BIEBER" AGAIN?
JILL, PLEASE SOLVE THIS MYSTERY.
ALL RIGHT, DANIEL, SO HOW YOU GONNA ATTACK OUR COURSE TODAY?
YOU KNOW, I'M CHANNELING SOMEONE TO GET ME THROUGH THE COURSE.
OKAY. WHO YOU GONNA CHANNEL?
I'M GONNA CHANNEL JUSTIN BIEBER.
(John H.) WELL, THAT MAKES PERFECT SENSE...
IF DAN WAS A TEENAGE GIRL
OR IF JUSTIN BIEBER WAS AN ATHLETE.
(John A.) MAN'S A FAN, JOHNNY...
JUST AN INAPPROPRIATE FAN, BUT A FAN NONETHELESS.
(panting) I'M GETTING TOO OLD FOR THIS STUFF.
YOU'RE ALSO TOO OLD FOR YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO "TIGER BEAT."
BIEBER! OH!
OH, HO HO!
AY!
INAPPROPRIATE FAN FALLING HARDER THAN HE DID
FOR DORA THE EXPLORER.
AAH!
PAST THE BIG BALLS,
OUR INAPPROPRIATE FAN STARING AT THE JIGGLE-ATOR.
IT'S SAFE TO SAY DAN ISN'T A FAN OF OUR APES--
THEM BEING GROWN UP AND ALL.
AAH!
OHH! MONKEYS DENIED!
OH, HO HO!
(monkey groans)
DON'T WORRY, FELLAS.
YOU'LL GET ANOTHER SHOT. WE GOT PLENTY OF CONTESTANTS LEFT.
THERE'S NO STOPPING THIS TANK!
I AM OLIVER BOTAR,
THE UNSTOPPABLE!
(air horn blows)
NOTHING'S STOPPING THIS TANK!
NOTHING'S STOPPING HIM.
(air horn blows)
NOTHING!
NOTHING'S STARTING HIM...
NOTHING!
BUT NOTHING'S STOPPING HIM.
NOTHING!
(air horn blows)
THE TANK'S GROUND ATTACK FINALLY UNDERWAY.
DAINTIEST TANK I'VE EVER SEEN, REALLY.
THAT WAS EASY.
APPARENTLY, TANK HAS STUDIED
SUN TZU'S "THE ART OF TIPTOEING."
(whoosh, horse snorts)
WELL, THAT WAS NOT VERY NICE OF YOU.
LITTLE KNOWN FACT HERE--
TANKS RUN ON DIESEL AND GOOD MANNERS.
(neighs)
OH!
OHH!
OH, HO!
MILITARY TECHNOLOGY WITH A MAJOR SETBACK...
OH!
AS A HORSE WALLOPS A TANK.
IF THIS TESTY LITTLE TANK GETS BELTED ONE MORE TIME
WITH A HORSESHOE, HE MAY SURRENDER, JOHNNY.
OHH! OH, HO HO!
OHH!
RIGHT IN THE CANNONBALLS!
AND THE TANK WAVES THE BROWN FLAG.
MANY A CONTESTANT THROWING IN THE TOWEL TODAY
ON OUR BEASTLY OBSTACLES,
WHETHER IT'S BEEN OUR THOROUGHBRED STALLIONS...
(neighs)
OR OUR RAVENOUS PRIMATES.
AAH!
IT'S A FEEDING FRENZY OUT THERE.
AAH!
OOH!
THEY ARE RIDING ROUGHSHOD OVER EVERYBODY.
KING KONG AIN'T GOT NOTHING ON THESE TWO!
(nasal voice) AND DOWN THE STRETCH HE COMES,
A MAN WHO THINKS HE'S ON AN ACTUAL HORSE.
(normal voice) HE KNOWS HE'S NOT REALLY GOING ANYWHERE, RIGHT?
(deep voice) TAKE YOUR STINKIN' PAWS OFF HER,
YOU DAMN DIRTY APES!
(whinnies)
OUR ANIMALS RULE.
(normal voice) YEAH, AND YOU HEARD THAT
STRAIGHT FROM THE HORSE'S... MOUTH.
WHO DO WE HAVE NEXT?
ON HER WAY TO THE PIZZA PARTY AT THE DOUBLE BARREL, JOHN,
THAT'S ASHLEY WELLS-- OH, BOY--
WHOSE PRIDE AND JOY IS HER ANT FARM.
YOU KNOW, I HAD AN ANT FARM ONCE.
MM.
I NEVER HARVESTED, THOUGH.
I COULDN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET THE TRACTOR IN.
(grunts) AAH!
OH!
OH!
(laughs) THAT WAS SUPREME.
WHO ORDERED THE EXTRA LARGE WIPEOUT?
THAT PIZZA BARREL NO PICNIC FOR OUR ANT FARMER.
AAH!
STILL, THIS ANT FARMER GETS TO THE BAR
WITH A DECENT TIME, JOHN.
I ACTUALLY HAVE SOME NEWS FOR YOU.
OKAY. (speaks indistinctly)
YOU... COULD BE MOVING ON.
WHOO!
I SAID "COULD BE."
(noisemakers blow)
(John H.) HEY, NO TEASING THE CONTESTANTS. THAT'S MY JOB.
(John A.) CHECKING BACK AT THE START OF THE COURSE...
(choir vocalizes, projectile whistling)
UH, WHERE'S THAT NEXT CONTESTANT?
OOH!
OH!
OH, MY LORD! WHO'S THAT?
UHH!
MY NOTES SAY THAT'S PASTOR ERIC SIMPSON.
LOOKS LIKE WE GOT A GIFT FROM GOD.
A MIDDLE-AGED MAN IN SWIM TRUNKS?
WE GOT PLENTY OF THOSE. WHAT MAKES THIS GUY SO SPECIAL?
OOH!
WHOA! DID HE JUST DO A BELLY FLOP ON DRY LAND?
(slo-mo voice) OOH!
INDEED HE DID.
SWEET! CAN HE DO ANY OTHER COOL STUFF?
ALL RIGHT, ONE-TRICK PONY.
BET HE WISHES HE STILL HAD THAT EXTRA RIB RIGHT ABOUT NOW.
GOD'S GIFT TO WIPEOUT
DELIVERING ON ALL HIS PROMISE SO FAR, JOHN.
BUT GOD CAN'T BE YOUR COPILOT ON THIS ONE, BUDDY.
AAH!
OH!
OH, HO! TAKING A FEW SHOTS TO THE PRAYER BEAT.
AMEN!
AH!
OH!
AND ON THE SIXTH DAY, GOD CREATED THE CUP.
AAH! AAH!
AND ON THE SEVENTH DAY, ERIC RESTED.
(voice echoing) TIME TO SEE HOW GOD'S GIFT TO YOU
FARES ON THE WORLD-FAMOUS BIG BALLS.
MORGAN FREEMAN, IS THAT YOU?
I WISH.
GOD, I LOVE THAT GUY'S VOICE.
I LOVE YA.
(normal voice) HO!
AAH!
(laughs) AND WE LOVE THE MOTIVATOR, ERIC.
(voice echoing) EVEN WHEN HE FALLS FROM GRACE,
HE'S GOT THE VOICE OF AN ANGEL.
(slo-mo voice) OHH!
I THINK IT'S TIME TO TAKE A BREAK.
REALLY? THE BIG MAN-- HE NEEDS A BREAK?
HOW DARE YOU QUESTION ME, ANDERSON!
THAT DOES IT.
THIS YEAR, YOU'RE GETTING COAL IN YOUR STOCKING.
OKAY, WELL, NOW I'M CONFUSED.
ARE YOU GOD OR ARE YOU SANTA CLAUS?
YES!
CLAUS AND GOD.
WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE GRADE "A" WIPEOUT...
(speaks indistinctly)
♪♪♪
WELCOME BACK TO "WIPEOUT," EVERYBODY.
JOHN AND JOHN WITH YOU HERE, JILL DOWN ON THE COURSE.
YEAH. SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOUR COMMERCIALS
BUT JUST HANG WITH US FOR ANOTHER EIGHT TO TEN MINUTES.
MM-HMM.
I PROMISE YOU, WE'LL RETURN YOU TO MORE WORDS FROM OUR SPONSORS.
CAN'T WAIT FOR THAT. LET'S GET RIGHT BACK
TO THE SECOND HALF OF OUR QUALIFIER.
UP TOP, AVID VIDEO GAMER MICHAEL KONG.
WAIT. A VIDEO GAMER NAMED KONG?
MM-HMM.
HUH. I BET I KNOW HIS FAVORITE GAME, RIGHT?
(screeching)
"Q-BERT." NO?
NO. SEE, I'M GUESSING MAYBE "DONKEY KONG"?
OH, YOU'RE RIGHT! LOOK, KONG'S THROWING BARRELS.
HE KNOWS HE'S ON "WIPEOUT"
AND NOT IN AN ACTUAL VIDEO GAME, RIGHT?
HEADS UP! HO!
(crash)
MICHAEL KONG, NOT FUNNY.
HEY, ARE YOU GONNA PUT A STOP TO THIS?
FIRST WE GOTTA GET THAT BARREL GUY TO STOP STOCKING BARRELS.
WE HAVE A BARREL GUY?
THE BEST IN THE BUSINESS, JOHNNY.
OKAY, LOOKS LIKE KONG'S FINALLY CALMED DOWN.
(air horn blows)
HORN SOUNDS. QUARTER IN THE SLOT.
MICHAEL "DONKEY" KONG DOWN THE RAMP.
FULL SPEED AHEAD TOWARD THE BUCKING BRONCOS.
(chuckles) A MONKEY RIDING A HORSE...
(bell chimes)
I SAW THAT ON THE INTERNET.
I ALSO SAW A MONKEY--
FOCUS, JOHN. FOCUS.
MM!
OH! I'M NOT SURE WHAT HIS STRATEGY IS, JOHN.
MAYBE HE SAW THE FRUIT AND JUST DOVE IN
TO GET THE EXTRA BONUS POINTS.
(electronic chirp)
RACKING UP A HIGH SCORE,
KONG'S ON HIS WAY TO DRIVER'S ED.
DO YOU NEED A DRIVER'S LICENSE FOR THIS?
NAH, YOU'LL BE FINE AS LONG AS YOU'VE LOGGED A LOT OF HOURS
ON "POLE POSITION" AND "GRAND THEFT AUTO."
UHH!
HO HO HO!
HO HO HO HO!
HO HO HO! NOT EVEN UP-UP-DOWN-DOWN-
LEFT-RIGHT-LEFT-RIGHT- "B"-"A"-START
COULD HAVE GOTTEN HIM OUT OF THAT.
CLASSIC DONKEY KONG LUMBERING UP TO THE CLASSIC BIG BALLS.
(boinging)
NO HESITATION HERE.
THERE'S A PRINCESS TO SAVE.
YEAH.
LOOK AT HIM GO!
YEAH! OH!
OH! JUST OVERSHOOTS THE LANDING.
DONKEY KONG LOOKING MORE LIKE FROGGER OUT THERE.
BUT THEN THE DREADED LOG TAKES HIM OUT.
("game over" sound plays)
MICHAEL KONG SWIMMING TO THE JIGGLE-ATOR.
DON'T EXPECT OUR MONKEYS TO GO EASY ON HIM, JOHNNY.
NO HONOR AMONG APES, JOHN.
LOOKS LIKE KONG'S ABOUT TO MEET SOME FRIENDS OF HIS.
HEY, THAT'S MY FRIEND.
PRETTY SKETCHY FRIENDS
IF THEY'RE THROWING BARRELS AT YA.
UH-OH! BALLSY, LOOK OUT!
AAH! AAH!
(crash)
OH!
AH!
WE GOTTA FIRE THAT BARREL GUY.
MICHAEL "DONKEY" KONG NOT PHASED BY HIS FRENEMIES,
CHARGES THROUGH THE JIGGLE-ATOR.
HEY, BUDDIES.
DONKEY KONG LAYING HIMSELF AT THE MERCY OF OUR MONKEYS.
OH!
OH, HO HO!
AH!
OH!
APE SHALL NOT KILL APE.
THAT'S AFFECTION, JOHN. THEY'RE JUST HELPING HIM
PICK THE FLEAS OUT OF HIS HAIR.
(error sound plays)
OH! AND GAME OVER ON THE JIGGLE-ATOR.
BAD MONKEY!
MICHAEL "DONKEY" KONG STILL GOT A LIFE LEFT.
MAYBE HE'LL USE THAT IN THE NEXT ROUND.
NOW LET'S BACKTRACK
TO 22-YEAR-OLD CASHIER ASHLEY RICE.
OH! I'M ABOUT TO RIDE THE BULL?
NO, IT'S NOT A BULL. IT'S A HORSE... COW.
AAH!
AND YOU'RE NOT GONNA RIDE IT. YOU'RE GONNA TRY TO CROSS IT.
(amplified voice) HEY, I SAID NO RIDING THE HORSE-COW.
(normal voice) WAIT. THAT'S FUN TO WATCH.
(amplified voice) PLEASE KEEP RIDING THE HORSE-COW.
YEAH, SHE'S ACTUALLY PRETTY...
AAH!
OH!
OH! AH, NEVER MIND.
NICE JOB, ASHLEY, BUT EVEN NICER JOB, HORSE-COW.
I BET YOU NEXT YEAR, WE SEE A COW
IN THE WINNER'S CIRCLE OF THE KENTUCKY DERBY.
WHOO!
YOU KNOW, ALONG WITH BEING A CASHIER
AND A GOOD HORSE-COW RIDER, ASHLEY'S ALSO A DANCE TEACHER.
CAN YOU DANCE?
I AM A FANTASTIC DANCER.
WELL, DO YOU WANNA SHOW ME?
BOOP.
(John H.) WELL, JILL, YOU AND YOUR BUS DRIVER DANCE
WILL HAVE TO MOVE ON OVER.
THIS CASHIER'S ITEM SCANNING DANCE IS
GONNA SUPERMARKET SWEEP ACROSS THE NATION.
(John A.) THE DANCING CASHIER NOW READY
TO CHECK OUT DRIVER'S ED. MOVING WELL.
OH!
OH, HO HO!
CALL HER MANAGER AND TELL HIM SHE'LL BE EARLY FOR WORK,
BECAUSE SHE JUST GOT KNOCKED INTO NEXT WEEK.
(slo-mo voice) OH!
(filtered voice) CAN WE GET A CLEANUP ON AISLE FOUR, PLEASE?
BACK AT THE BUCKING... HORSE-LIKE CREATURES
IS ANNA PARKER, A NATIVE OF POLAND.
COWS.
(normal voice) HALF RIGHT.
I MEAN, HORSES.
EXACTLY. IT'S A MIX. THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING.
JOHNNY, THIS POLISH GIRL IS A SMART...
AAH!
OH, HO!
OOH!
BUT SHE IS TOTALLY BUCKED.
KEPT THOSE FEET MOVING.
CLOSEST TO MAKING IT ACROSS TODAY, THOUGH.
(grunts)
JILL, TELL US HER SECRET.
TELL ME HOW YOU'RE GONNA WIN THIS THING TODAY.
I'M GONNA GO FAST.
YOU'RE GONNA GO FAST.
(John H.) A WINNING STRATEGY.
AND I'M GONNA GO FAST.
FAST ON TOP OF FAST-- SOLID PLAN.
AND I HAVEN'T GOTTEN PAST THAT PART.
WELL, 50% OF A PLAN IS BETTER THAN NO PLAN AT ALL.
IT'S YELLOW, LIKE A BANANA!
(John A.) THEN PEEL OUT, ANNA.
ANNA LIKE A BANANA!
POLISH GIRL WITH A PLAN KEEPING HER MIND AGILE
IN HOPES OF COMING UP WITH THE REST OF A STRATEGY.
AAH!
I KNOW THE MONKEYS HAVE A GAME PLAN.
WHOA!
HA HA! AND IT IS 100% EFFECTIVE.
YEAH, MAYBE THE OTHER HALF OF HER PLAN
SHOULD'VE BEEN "BRING BANANAS."
(monkeys screeching)
PLEASE TELL ME OUR NEXT CONTESTANT CAME BETTER PREPARED.
(boinging)
I'M NOT SURE, BUT BRYAN NORMAN
DEFINITELY CAME EAGER AND READY TO GO.
(Jill) WHAT DO YOU DO?
I'M A GEOLOGIST, ACTUALLY. I--
DO YOU LIKE TO JUMP AND HOP?
I DO LIKE TO JUMP.
(John H.) WOW. I WONDER WHAT MAKES THIS ROCK HOUND SO JUMPY.
WELL, WHEN I'M LOOKING AT ROCKS, I GET REALLY EXCITED. (chuckles)
(John H.) OKAY.
HAVE YOU TOLD YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT THOSE FEELINGS?
(John A.) LET'S JUST SEE HOW OUR GEOLOGIST DOES
ON THE JIGGLE-ATOR.
LOOK AT THESE MONKEYS.
Y'ALL KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT GEOLOGY.
(growling)
BE CAREFUL, BRYAN.
(speaks indistinctly) TEACH 'EM SOMETHING.
DON'T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS FUR.
THOSE TWO ARE BOTH IN MONKEY MENSA.
THEY JUST DON'T LIKE TO FLAUNT IT.
(monkeys screeching)
UH-OH.
OOH, HOO HOO HOO! CLASS IN SESSION.
WATCH THOSE FAMILY JEWELS.
THE GEOLOGIST IS GETTING HIS DIAMONDS CUT.
YOU DON'T LIKE MONKEYS?
(kisses)
WHOA! BRYAN WITH A BIG, WET KISS ON THE MONKEY MOUTH.
WOW. THAT'S ONE WAY TO DISTRACT HIM.
AND IT WORKS.
AW.
BRYAN MADE IT ALL THE WAY ACROSS.
I'M STARVING.
GEOLOGIST TAKING TIME OUT FOR A LITTLE HOT MONKEY LOVE.
(screeching)
(slo-mo voice) I LIKE YOU.
(kisses)
THE CHIMP TRYING TO KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE...
MMM!
AFTER BRYAN JUST ROCKED HER WORLD.
WELL, THE PIZZA BARREL'S READY TO ROCK BRYAN'S WORLD.
AAH!
THE GEOLOGIST JUMPING IN.
OH, JEEZ. HEY, THAT'S REAL TOMATOES.
WE SPARE NO EXPENSE HERE ON "WIPEOUT."
THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.
ONLY THE BEST.
MM!
OH! BRYAN MAKES THE PIZZA BARREL.
SPECTACULAR. YOU KNOW, IT'S HARD TO FIND ANY FAULTS...
WHOO!
IN OUR GEOLOGIST'S RUN.
ROCKS ROCK!
YOU KNOW, THIS PIZZA BARREL HASN'T BEEN THAT EASY
FOR EVERYONE, THOUGH.
IF THE PEPPERONI DOESN'T GET 'EM...
OOH! AH.
OOH, HOO HOO!
AAH!
OUR DEEP DISH WILL.
(grunts)
OH! MAMA MIA!
PIZZA!
SWIMMING IN CHEESE AND DRENCHED IN SAUCE.
MAKE THAT DOUBLE CHEESE AND DOUBLE SAUCE.
JOHN, JUST BECAUSE SOMEBODY SAYS THEY'RE FULL,
WE KNOW THEY WANTED MORE. SO HERE YOU GO.
11 HERBS AND SPICES,
400 TIMES THE RECOMMENDED DAILY ALLOWANCE OF KETCHUP.
OOH!
WE WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS MOMENT TO CELEBRATE
THE UNSUNG HEROES OF PIZZA--
THE DELECTABLE DAIRY AND THOSE JUICY, RIPE TOMATOES.
BUT SERIOUSLY--OH!
OH!
IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING TASTY FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY,
MAKE IT A PIZZA BARREL NIGHT.
(grunts) OH!
OH! WIPEOUT.
(imitates Italian accent) JUST LIKE-A MAMA USED TO MAKE.
TIME NOW TO MEET OUR LAST CONTESTANT OF THE DAY.
IT'S 48 YEAR OLD BARRY FAST.
BRINGS ON THE BIG BALLS! (growls)
BRING ON HENSON! (growls)
HEY, WHAT'D I DO?
BRING ON ANDERSON! (growls) I GOT YOU ALL!
AND THEN WHEN I'M DONE, I'M GONNA GET A BIG HUG FROM JILL.
THIS GUY IS A BIT OF A BULLY-- TAUNTING US,
TAUNTING THE COURSE...
MM.
DEMANDING A HUG FROM, JILL.
HOPEFULLY, SHE SET HIM STRAIGHT.
AW! JILL!
WH...
THANK YOU.
AW, MAN!
THE HOT ONES ALWAYS GO FOR THE BAD BOYS.
WHAT ELSE YOU GOT?
I GUESS THIS FELLA JUST TAKES WHAT HE WANTS.
HEY NOW!
IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?
NOW HE'S TRASH-TALKING THE PIZZA TOPPINGS?
ARE THERE NO FOODSTUFFS SAFE FROM HIS TYRANNICAL REIGN?
OH!
TAKE THAT, BARRY.
OH!
OH!
BULLY GETS A TASTE OF HIS OWN MEDICINE...
IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?
AND SOME DELICIOUS MARINARA SAUCE.
FORTUNATELY FOR BARRY, THAT DIDN'T SLOW HIM DOWN ONE BIT.
SOLID TIME, AND WE WILL BE SEEING HIM IN THE NEXT ROUND.
YEAH! IS THAT ALL?
UH, NO. WE JUST SAID YOU'RE MOVING ON.
JOINING HIM WILL BE
DAN "THE INAPPROPRIATE FAN" KOSITZKE...
(Dan) BIEBER!
THE ANT FARMER ASHLEY WELLS,
AND GOD'S GIFT TO WIPEOUT ERIC SIMPSON.
ALSO MOVING AHEAD, MICHAEL "DONKEY" KONG,
THE DANCING CASHIER ASHLEY RICE...
(Ashley R.) BOOP. BOOP.
AND OUR GEOLOGIST BRYAN NORMAN.
(boinging)
STICK AROUND, AMERICA.
STRAIGHT AHEAD, IT'S TOTAL CARNAGE.
AAH!
SPOILER ALERT-- IT'S GONNA BE TOTAL CARNAGE.
♪♪♪
WE ARE BACK WITH MORE "WIPEOUT," AMERICA.
24 COMPETITORS TO START...
MM-HMM.
AND HALF OF THEM ALREADY ELIMINATED,
AND WE ARE READY TO CUT THE FIELD IN HALF AGAIN.
OH, MY. JOHN...
HMM?
I KNOW TOTAL CARNAGE IS BRUTAL,
BUT CUTTING PEOPLE IN HALF IS...
OH, YOU MEANT 12 DOWN TO 6.
MM-HMM.
YEAH, THAT ACTUALLY SOUNDS LIKE
SOMETHING WE COULD SHOW ON NETWORK TV. GOT IT.
YEAH. STILL ON THE HUNT FOR THE 50 LARGE, WE HAVE
DAN "THE INAPPROPRIATE FAN" KOSITZKE...
(Dan) BIEBER!
OLIVER "THE TANK" BOTAR,
AND ANNA PARKER, OUR POLISH GIRL WITH A PLAN.
(Anna) AND I'M GONNA GO FAST.
(whoosh)
WE ALSO HAVE MICHAEL "DONKEY" KONG,
THE GEOLOGIST BRYAN NORMAN,
AND BARRY THE BULLY.
AND NOW AWAITING THOSE UNLUCKY--
SORRY. THE LUCKY 12-- IS TOTAL CARNAGE.
YEAH, NO REASON FOR CONTESTANTS TO BE TERRIFIED HERE.
MM.
(laughs) THIS PART IS FUN.
YEAH, DEFINITELY A FAN FAVORITE.
SURE. IN FACT, I THINK IT'S THE ONLY REASON
KIDS DON'T WANT THE SUMMER TO END
AND HAVE TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL.
YEP. THE ONLY REASON.
ONLY REASON.
HERE'S HOW IT WORKS. OUR 12 CONTESTANTS START TOGETHER
ON A PLATFORM 10 FEET ABOVE THE WATER.
THE GOAL IS SIMPLE--
MAKE IT AROUND TO THE FINISH PLATFORM
WHILE NAVIGATING OVER OUR WHIRLING CRANKSHAFT
AND BETWEEN THESE TWIRLING HOOPS.
NO DUCKING IS ALLOWED.
THE FIRST SIX CONTESTANTS TO MAKE IT TO THE OTHER SIDE
MOVE ON TO THE NEXT ROUND.
WHILE THE OTHER SIX MOVE ON TO THE PARKING LOT.
THAT'S THE GAME. THOSE ARE THE RULES.
SO LET'S GET DOWN TO THE ACTION.
(all) "WIPEOUT"!
LOVE TO SEE SOME PRE-COMPETITION CAMARADERIE
BETWEEN OUR CONTESTANTS.
YEAH, DON'T WORRY.
TOTAL CARNAGE WILL KNOCK THAT RIGHT OUT OF 'EM.
(Barry) WHO'S IN FRONT?
LEAD, FOLLOW, OR GET OUR OF THE WAY.
BARRY THE BULLY LAYS DOWN THE LAW IMMEDIATELY.
(Barry) JILL, I WANT A HUG WHEN I GET DONE.
UH, AS LONG AS YOU DON'T GET WET.
JILL TAKING PART IN OUR HUGS FOR THUGS EXCHANGE.
YEAH, THAT IS SO AWESOME.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS, IT'S ROUND ONE. LET'S GET STARTED!
(air horn blows)
THE HORN SOUNDS. TOTAL CARNAGE UNDERWAY.
CAN'T WAIT. THE RINGS COMING IN HOT.
(woman) AAH! AAH!
OH, HO HO!
WHOA!
WOW! CORRECTION--
NOW TOTAL CARNAGE IS UNDERWAY.
THE FIRST PASS WIPES OUT HALF THE CONTESTANTS...
WHOA!
HA HA! AND THE CRANKSHAFT TAKES OUT THE REST.
WE ALMOST GOT 'EM ALL DOWN.
MICHAEL "DONKEY" KONG FIRST TO MOVE IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.
CAN'T MAKE A MONKEY OUT OF HIM.
NOW FACE-TO-FACE WITH THE CRANKSHAFT.
OH!
OH, HO!
(robotic voice) INSERT COIN TO CONTINUE.
("game over" sound plays)
POLISH GIRL WITH A PLAN SIZING UP THE CRANKSHAFT.
HER STRATEGY OF "RUN FAST" GOT HER THIS FAR.
NEEDS TO THINK FAST. OOH!
(normal voice) OH! POLISH GIRL AND HER PLAN
SHATTERED TO BITS.
(laughs) OH. HO HO!
BARRY THE BULLY CHARGING AHEAD
LIKE HE'S A GLORIOUS MEMBER OF THE COBRA KAI.
BULLY PUSHING AROUND THE CRANKSHAFT,
MOVING PAST. OH!
NO! (imitates Donald Trump) YOU'RE FIRED.
AND FARMER ASHLEY WELLS-- TOUGH ROAD TO HOE.
(normal voice) NOBODY ABLE TO CONQUER THE CRANKSHAFT SO FAR.
OOH!
OH, HO HO!
WOW.
ANT FARMER GETS KNOCKED DOWN.
AAH!
HER WIPEOUT LOOKS SO SMALL FROM ALL THE WAY UP HERE.
ERIC SIMPSON, GOD'S GIFT TO WIPEOUT,
GRACING THE CRANKSHAFT WITH HIS PRESENCE...
AAH!
AND NOT GRACING US WITH A WIPEOUT.
BARRY THE BULLY READY TO PICK ON SOMEBODY ELSE,
AND THERE IN FRONT OF HIM-- AY!
AAH!
THAT'S WHY WE SAY "NO DUCKING," LADY.
THE BULLY MAKES IT OVER.
GOD'S GIFT TO WIPEOUT STARING AT THE RINGS.
DIVINE INTERVENTION, AND HE MAKES IT THROUGH!
BARRY THE BULLY--OH!
OH, HO HO!
THE BULLY WITH A SELF-INFLICTED WIPEOUT.
GOD'S GIFT TO WIPEOUT-- ONE MORE STEP.
OOH, HOO!
YES! HE MAKES IT!
(Jill) YEAH!
ANGELS, SOUND YOUR TRUMPETS.
THIS IS FOR YOU, JILL!
AND THE SIGN OF THE CROSS BELLY FLOP.
HE'LL BE RESURRECTED IN THE NEXT ROUND.
OH! BELLY FLOP!
WELL, SHE SAYS WHAT SHE SEES, FOLKS.
ONE SPOT CLAIMED, FIVE LEFT.
THE ANT FARMER NOW OUT IN FRONT.
OH, GOD!
ANT FARMER MUSTERING UP
THE STRENGTH OF TEN MILLION ANTS. OH!
OH!
RIGHT IN THE THORAX!
AND INAPPROPRIATE FAN GETS RETURNED TO SENDER...
OH!
JUST LIKE HIS FAN MAIL.
THE ANT FARMER HARVESTED BY OUR CRANKSHAFT.
PLAN FOILED.
JUST LIKE HER ANTS' DREAM OF ESCAPE, JOHN.
THE TANK OLIVER BOTAR ON THE MARCH.
OH, CRAP.
THE TANK NOT THRILLED ABOUT THIS LAND/SEA BATTLE.
HE IS UP AND--OH!
OH!
AAH!
FORCED TO STORM THE BEACH.
POLISH GIRL WITH A PLAN LEADING THE PACK AGAIN.
AAH!
HER PLAN WAS TO GO FAST.
WELL, NOT REALLY A PLAN AS MUCH OF A GUIDELINE.
(Jill laughs)
INAPPROPRIATE FAN STALKING THE LEAD NOW.
AY! YA!
OH! CRANKSHAFT INVADES THE FAN'S PERSONAL SPACE.
BUT THE GEOLOGIST AVOIDS A DRILLING.
GEOLOGIST FORGED IN THE FIRES OF MOUNT DOOM,
BUT CAN HE ROCK OUR RINGS?
YEAH.
ONE JUMP, AND HE MAKES IT INTO THE NEXT ROUND.
YEAH!
YES! GOOD JOB, BRYAN!
HE'S GOT THE COMPETITIVE FIRE OF LIQUID MAGMA, JOHN.
BAD BAR. BAD BAR.
STOP WHINING, TANK.
ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR AND "WIPEOUT."
STILL, HE ROARS ONTO THE BATTLEFIELD.
TOTAL CARNAGE NOT KNOWN FOR ITS PEACE TREATIES, JOHNNY.
OH!
OH, HO!
BLITZKRIEG FROM THE RINGS KNOCKS HIM RIGHT IN.
DONKEY KONG NOW FINDING HIMSELF OUT IN FRONT,
EVER WARY OF THE THREAT
OF SHORT, ANIMATED ITALIAN BROTHERS WITH THICK MOUSTACHES.
WELL, WHO ISN'T?
RIGHT BEHIND HIM, DANCING CASHIER ASHLEY RICE.
AAH!
LOOK OUT!
WHOA! DOUBLE-BAGGED.
UP AHEAD, DONKEY KONG
DIG DUGGING IT RIGHT PAST THE RINGS.
TWO MORE JUMPS TO VICTORY...
YES!
(woman) YEAH, MICHAEL!
THIS DONKEY KONG IS PLAYING OUR GAME A LITTLE BIT LONGER.
WHOO!
THREE SPOTS FILLED, THREE LEFT.
OUT IN FRONT, BARRY THE BULLY
MUSCLING TOWARD THE FINISH PLATFORM.
THE BULLY REALLY FEELING THE PRESSURE HERE.
PREDATOR NOW THE PREY.
AH!
AH, HA HA!
OH, HO HO! HEADBUTT AND A WET WILLY.
CRANKSHAFT GIVING THIS BULLY A TASTE OF HIS OWN MEDICINE.
BETTER THAT THAN A TIBETAN TWISTER
OR AN ATOMIC GRUNDY.
THE TANK SHIFTING INTO TOP GEAR
AND GOBBLING UP GROUND.
NOW STANDING STILL.
BEST DEFENSE IS NO OFFENSE, I GUESS.
(chuckles)
AND IT WORKS!
POLISH GIRL AMENDS HER PLAN, AND SHE'S GOING SLOW.
PERFECT ADJUSTMENT.
COME ON, BAR.
THE TANK STILL JAWING WITH THE CRANKSHAFT.
DOES A PULL-UP. THAT WORKED.
STORMING THE FINISH.
AND COUNT IT. HE'S MOVING ON.
YEAH!
YEAH! WHOO!
FORGET HOGAN. THIS GUY IS MY HERO.
HEY, LADIES!
WE'RE DOWN TO TWO SPOTS, JOHNNY.
SO FAR, IT'S ALL GUYS.
INAPPROPRIATE FAN HOPING TO DODGE THE RINGS,
LIKE A MODERATOR IN A CHAT ROOM.
BACKSTAGE PASS JUST A HOP AWAY!
YES, SIR!
OH, HO!
NEVER SAY NEVER!
HEY, I'LL BE YOUR FAN
IF YOU NEVER SAY "NEVER SAY NEVER" AGAIN.
ONLY A SINGLE SPOT REMAINS.
WAY TOO MUCH TESTOSTERONE OVER HERE.
WHOO!
(man) WE NEED A GIRL.
WELL, JILL, THERE'S A LADY UP FRONT NOW.
POLISH GIRL WITH A PLAN CLOSING IN ON IT.
RIGHT BEHIND HER,
BARRY THE BULLY MAKING A MAD DASH.
POLISH HAS ONLY THE CRANKSHAFT TO OUTMANEUVER.
OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!
INDECISIVE, LOOKING FOR AN OPENING.
THE MOMENT OF TRUTH!
NO!
OH, NO!
WELL, HER FEET WERE FAST, BUT NOT FAST ENOUGH,
AND THE DOOR IS KICKED WIDE OPEN FOR BARRY THE BULLY.
A PAIR OF GALS GAINING ON HIM.
BARRY SETTLED AND STEADY.
WOW. HE JUST STAYED STILL AND THE RINGS PASSED BY.
(laughs)
NO PROBLEM.
YEAH! THE BULLY IS STILL IN IT!
WHOO!
GET READY TO HUG IT OUT, JILL.
BARRY THE BULLY IS IN THE NEXT ROUND.
BOO! BOO!
YOU GUYS ARE ALL MOVING ON!
(man) YEAH!
IN THE NEXT ROUND,
WE HAVE GOD'S GIFT TO WIPEOUT ERIC SIMPSON,
GEOLOGIST BRYAN NORMAN,
AND MICHAEL "DONKEY" KONG.
(electronic beeps)
WE ALSO HAVE OLIVER "THE TANK" BOTAR,
DAN "THE INAPPROPRIATE FAN" KOSITZKE,
AND BARRY THE BULLY.
(Barry) BRING ON HENSON!
HENSON'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE, AND YOU SHOULDN'T EITHER.
AAH!
MORE GREAT WIPEOUTS JUST AROUND THE CORNER.
♪♪♪
WELCOME BACK TO "WIPEOUT," AMERICA.
THAT'S RIGHT. WE HAVE ALREADY--
(music box playing)
ICE CREAM TRUCK!
ANYHOW, WE'VE ALREADY NARROWED DOWN
THE NUMBER OF OUR CONTESTANTS FROM 24 TO 6,
BUT WE ARE NOT DONE YET.
FIGHTING TO GET INTO OUR FINAL THREE
AND STILL ON THE HUNT FOR THE 50 GRAND,
WE HAVE GOD'S GIFT TO WIPEOUT ERIC SIMPSON...
(choir vocalizes)
THE GEOLOGIST BRYAN NORMAN,
MICHAEL "DONKEY" KONG...
(electronic beeps)
OLIVER "THE TANK" BOTAR,
DAN "THE INAPPROPRIATE FAN" KOSITZKE...
(bell dings)
AND BARRY THE BULLY.
(squeak, crunch)
I'M BACK.
I SEE THAT, BUT, UH, WHERE'S THE ICE CREAM?
IT WASN'T THE ICE CREAM MAN.
OH.
IT'S WAS THE RINGER
ON THE INAPPROPRIATE FAN'S CELL PHONE.
I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
OKAY.
WHERE WERE WE? AH, YES, THE WIPEOUT PLAY SET.
LET JOHN ANDERSON TELL YOU HOW IT WORKS.
BE GLAD TO.
THE WIPEOUT PLAY SET BEGINS WITH A RIDE ON THE SLIDE,
WHERE CONTESTANTS SOAR ONTO THE SPINNING PLATFORM.
NEXT, THEY'LL TAKE A TWIRL ATOP EACH OF THESE SWEEPER ARMS,
CROSSING FROM ONE SIDE TO THE OTHER
AS THEY ROTATE AT ALARMING SPEEDS...
OH!
AND FROM THERE, CONTESTANTS WILL FLING THEMSELVES
FROM THESE DIVING BOARDS TO THE FINISH PLATFORM.
BUT PLEASE AVOID
THE SPINNING BLADES OF THIS GIANT WINDMILL.
WE'LL PLAY THREE ROUNDS,
AND THE FIRST PERSON TO FINISH EACH ROUND
WILL EARN A SPOT IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET THIS PLAYDATE STARTED.
HE SAID HE HAD A ROCKET POP,
BUT HE DIDN'T.
ALL THE FELLAS SEATED ATOP THEIR SLIDES AND READY TO GO.
I'VE BEEN HAVEN'T SLID ON A SLIDE SINCE I WAS 5 YEARS OLD.
THIS IS GONNA BE AWESOME.
DO THE MATH. THE GEOLOGIST HASN'T BEEN ON A SLIDE
IN MORE THAN 20 YEARS.
AND THE INAPPROPRIATE FAN HASN'T BEEN ON ONE... TODAY.
(slide whistle plays)
BRING ON THE BIG BALLS!
(air horn blows)
BARRY THE BULLY TAUNTING AN OBSTACLE FROM ROUND ONE.
OH!
OH!
THAT STARTS AN AVALANCHE OF WIPEOUTS.
NOBODY IS SAFE, JOHN.
THE BULLY DOWN THE SLIDE. YES!
FIRST ONE ON.
CAN YOU SLOW THIS DOWN FOR AN OLD MAN, PLEASE?
THE BULLY PLEADING FOR THE MERCY THAT HE NEVER GIVES.
STOP IT!
OH! AND HE MAKES IT.
I'M STARTING TO ROOT FOR THIS GUY.
OLD GUYS RULE!
NEVER MIND. THE BULLY LEAPS
ONTO THE SWEEPER... ARM... PLATFORM.
(grunting)
STRONG ARM TACTICS DON'T SEEM TO BE WORKING HERE.
HE'S PICKED THE WRONG VICTIM.
HOW'S THAT WORKING FOR YA?
THE SWEEPER STICKS UP FOR ITSELF...
YAH!
AND PUTS THE BULLY DOWN.
OH, HO HO!
OH, HO! INAPPROPRIATE FAN RUNS INTO A RESTRAINING ORDER.
GOD'S GIFT TO WIPEOUT GENUFLECTING.
THE TANK RUNNING ON FUMES.
OH! GOD'S GIFT TO WIPEOUT SACRIFICING THE BODY.
AAH!
GEOLOGIST KNOCKED OFF THE CONTINENTAL SHELF.
WHOA!
GO AHEAD, YOUNG MAN. SHOW ME HOW TO DO IT.
I WOULD LOVE TO.
THE BULLY MAKING LOTS OF NOISE BUT ZERO PROGRESS.
THE TANK ROLLING AHEAD.
(Barry) OKAY, SMART GUY.
NOW GOD'S GIFT TO WIPEOUT JOINS HIM.
(Barry) OH, COME ON. NOW YOU'RE KILLING ME.
THEY ARE LEAVING THE BULLY IN THE DUST, JOHN.
OH, HO!
THE TANK--OH, HO! HE'S GONNA RUST DOWN THERE.
AH!
BULLY BITES IT, TOO.
GOD'S GIFT LIVIN' ON A PRAYER.
OH, HO HO!
OH!
BUT LOSES HIS RELIGION.
DONKEY KONG STARTING AT LEVEL TWO.
HE MAKES IT TO THE MIDDLE PLATFORM.
AH!
EASILY MOUNTS THAT SECOND SWEEPER ARM.
HE IS THE FIRST TO MAKE IT TO THE DIVING BOARDS, JOHNNY.
OH!
ALL THAT'S LEFT TO DO NOW IS
SPRING HIMSELF INTO THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
OH!
OH, HO!
RIGHT IN THE JOYSTICK!
OH, AFTER THAT COLLISION,
DONKEY KONG PROBABLY FEELING MORE LIKE MS. PAC-MAN.
(grunts)
BACK TO THE ACTION. GEOLOGIST ONTO THE SWEEPER ARM.
ALL THREE SPOTS IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE ARE STILL AVAILABLE.
YES! OH.
HE SEES HIS CHANCES CRYSTALLIZED.
DOES HE HAVE THE STONES TO SPRINGBOARD TO THE FINAL ROUND?
OH, MY. (giggles)
HE KINDA LIKES IT. GIGGLING THERE.
HE BETTER HURRY, THOUGH. NO TIME TO PLAY WITH OLD FAITHFUL.
OKAY.
GEARS UP, JUMPING, LANDING AND SLIDING.
AAH! YES!
SCORING!
(air horn blows)
THE GEOLOGIST IS GOING TO THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
DAMN! THAT SUCKS!
YES! OH, MY GOSH!
(Jill) BRYAN! WAY TO GO, BUDDY.
THANK YOU.
HOW YOU FEELING RIGHT NOW?
I'M A LITTLE TIRED. MY BUTT HURTS. OVERALL, HAPPY.
ALL RIGHT, GOOD TO KNOW, GEOLOGIST. ONE SPOT--
HENSON, I'M COMING FOR YOU!
BULLY, CAN I FINISH?
JEEZ. IF THIS WERE A BLABBERING CONTEST,
I THINK I KNOW WHO THE WINNER WOULD BE.
HE MAY HAVE WON, BUT I'M BETTER-LOOKIN'!
ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT? LET'S AGREE TO DISAGREE.
(air horn blows)
(Barry) GO AHEAD. GO AHEAD!
ROUND TWO OFF AND SLIDING. THE BULLY DIRECTING TRAFFIC.
ONE SPOT IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE FILLED,
TWO MORE TO BE EARNED.
IT'S GETTING CROWDED ON THAT SPINNING PLATFORM.
GOD'S GIFT STEADYING HIMSELF.
(Dan) GET OUT OF THE WAY. YOU'RE IN THE WAY.
LEAP OF FAITH.
MM-HMM.
YEAH! HE'S AHEAD OF THE CONGREGATION.
(Dan) ONE OF YOU GUYS GET OFF THERE SO I CAN GO.
THE INAPPROPRIATE FAN HOUNDING GOD'S GIFT
AS HE MAKES IT TO THE CENTER PLATFORM.
YES!
SECOND SWEEPER ARM IN HIS SIGHTS.
MOVE! MOVE! MOVE! MOVE! MOVE!
HE BETTER HURRY, THOUGH.
INAPPROPRIATE FAN SNEAKING HIS WAY ONTO THE CATWALK.
(man) NICE!
SWINGING AROUND, AND HE LANDS IT.
YEAH!
(squeals)
GOD'S GIFT HOPING TO TAKE HIS RIGHTFUL PLACE
AT THE RIGHT HAND OF THE GEOLOGIST.
OH! TAKES A SHOT.
OOH!
OH, HO HO!
OH, HO! FIRST SPRINKLED THEN DUNKED.
DONKEY KONG TAKES HIS SHOT.
OH! THEN HE TAKES A SHOT.
THE INAPPROPRIATE FAN GETTING HIS CHANCE TO WIN ONE
FOR PREPUBESCENT POP IDOLS EVERYWHERE.
OH, YEAH!
OH, HO HO HO HO! TAKE A SEAT!
CAN HE DO IT FOR KITTENS
AND CANDY AND SANTY CLAUS?
YES!
ALL RIGHT!
AND DAN "THE INAPPROPRIATE FAN" KOSITZKE
IS IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
(air horn blows)
YOU KNOW, 50 GRAND COULD BUY HIM
A LOT OF COTTON CANDY AT THE CARNIVAL.
OH, MY GOD!
DAN THE MAN! YEAH!
(speaks indistinctly)
WELL, WHATEVER THAT WAS,
I COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT BETTER MYSELF.
ONE MORE ROUND TO GO.
ONE MORE SPOT IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE AT STAKE.
(air horn blows)
THERE'S THE HORN. READY, AIM, SLIDE.
OOH!
THE BULLY GOES FLYING,
BUT SOMEHOW LANDS ON THE PLATFORM.
WHAT?
AMAZING! WHATEVER HAPPENED TO KARMA, JOHN?
BULLY TAKING ADVANTAGE OF HIS GOOD BREAK.
FIRST SWEEPER ARM CONQUERED.
WOW. BULLY TRYING TO DISTANCE HIMSELF.
OH, HO HO!
OH, HE GETS A TAHITI TOILET SHOWER.
DONKEY KONG TAKING THE LEAD.
COME ON, MICHAEL KONG!
TRYING TO MAKE IT TO THAT BONUS ROUND,
AND HOLY BILLY MITCHELL!
MM!
DONKEY KONG GETS A FISTFUL OF WATER.
GOD'S GIFT ON THE SWEEPER ARM.
GETTING OFF WOULD BE A BLESSED EVENT.
(speaks indistinctly)
ONE MORE LEAP,
HE'LL BE KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCKIN' ON HEAVEN'S DOOR.
HERE HE GO--OHH!
OH!
OH!
STILL WAITING FOR THAT RAPTURE.
THE BULLY GIVING THE SWEEPER ARM A PURPLE NERPLE.
HE'S AT THE DIVING BOARDS.
YOU DID IT!
YEAH!
BULLY'S GOTTA MAKE A MOVE NOW.
OUT OF NOWHERE, HERE COMES DONKEY KONG, SPRINTING BY.
OH!
OH, HO HO!
ARCADE FIRE!
DON'T DO THIS! I'M OLD!
BULLY PLAYING THE AGE CARD
ALL OF A SUDDEN WITH THE WATER CANNON.
KEEP IT TOGETHER, PAL. YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER.
HENSON!
BLASTED OFF BY A SHOWER!
I LOVE WATER!
OUR BULLY'S FALL WAS LIKE MANNA FROM HEAVEN
FOR GOD'S GIFT.
I LOVE YOU!
WATER CANNONS GIVING HIM THE BUSINESS, TOO.
THE LEAP...
NO!
OH! WOW!
JOHN, THAT LOOKED FAMILIAR.
OOH!
HE GOES OUT LIKE HE CAME IN.
BARRY THE BULLY DETERMINED TO GIVE THE SLIDE
A LITTLE WHAT FOR. HE DIVES.
AND THEN SLIDING.
NO FIGHTS AT THE BIKE RACK TODAY. WHOOP. OH.
HIDE YOUR LUNCH MONEY, KIDS.
(air horn blows)
THE BULLY IS GOING TO THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
(Barry) THAT WAS THE EASIEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE...
(Jill) OH!
IN MY LIFE.
POLITE AND HUMBLE.
OUR OTHER TWO WIPEOUT ZONE FINALISTS--
DAN "THE INAPPROPRIATE FAN" KOSITZKE
AND THE GEOLOGIST BRYAN NORMAN.
STICK AROUND. WE'RE ABOUT TO GIVE AWAY $50,000.
THE WIPEOUT ZONE IS COMING UP NEXT.
♪♪♪
WELCOME BACK TO "WIPEOUT," AMERICA.
THE COMPETITION BUILDING TO THIS POINT.
JOHNNY, IT IS TIME TO GET IN THE ZONE.
THAT'S RIGHT. WE STARTED THE DAY WITH 24 HOPEFUL CONTESTANTS,
AND THROUGH A PROCESS OF RIGOROUS ELIMINATION...
RIGHT. PEOPLE FELL DOWN A LOT.
YEAH, A LOT OF FALLING DOWN.
WE HAVE WHITTLED THAT NUMBER ALL THE WAY DOWN TO JUST THREE,
AND SOON, WE'LL KNOW WHICH OF THESE FEARSOME COMPETITORS
WILL BE TAKING HOME OUR $50,000 PRIZE.
THERE IS, HOWEVER, ONE MAMMOTH TASK
STILL STANDING IN THEIR WAY-- THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
IT IS MADE UP OF FOUR GRUELING STAGES.
IT ALL STARTS WITH THE TOWERING FLUME OF DOOM,
A BREATHTAKING 7-STORY PLUMMET
THAT LAUNCHES CONTESTANTS INTO THE NIGHT AND INTO THE WATER.
FROM THERE, IT'S ON TO THE IRON MAZEN.
THIS ONE WILL MAKE YOUR HEAD SPIN, PEOPLE.
ENTER ON THE YELLOW, EXIT ON THE RED,
ALL WHILE BATTLING SPEED AND GRAVITY.
CONQUER THAT, AND IT'S ON TO THE AXLE OF EVIL.
CONTESTANTS MUST TAKE THESE WHIRLING PRONGS
FOR A DIZZYING RIDE, THEN DROP ONTO THE NEXT PLATFORM.
FINALLY, OUR LAST OBSTACLE, THE GREAT WALL OF FALL.
THEY'LL HAVE TO PLOT A COURSE TO THE FINISH
OVER AND THROUGH THESE MOVING PEGS.
OF THESE THREE FINALISTS,
ONE IS ABOUT TO WALK AWAY WITH $50,000.
DAN "THE INAPPROPRIATE FAN" KOSITZKE
IS THE FIRST TO TAKE A CRACK AT IT.
LET'S SEE HOW HE GOT HERE TO THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
WHEW!
BIEBER!
DAN "THE INAPPROPRIATE FAN" KOSITZKE
MADE EVERYBODY A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE
THIS MORNING ON THE QUALIFIER.
HE WOULDN'T TAKE "NO" FOR AN ANSWER ON TOTAL CARNAGE,
AND FREQUENTLY FORCED HIMSELF TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE
ON THE WIPEOUT PLAY SET.
NOW HE'S BEEN CREEPILY WAITING FOR A CHANCE
TO MEET OUR BIGGEST CELEBRITY, THE WIPEOUT ZONE,
AND IF HE'S NOT TOO STARSTRUCK,
HE WILL TAKE HOME THE $50,000 PRIZE.
(shouts indistinctly)
IT'S THAT TIME, JOHNNY.
DAN THE INAPPROPRIATE FAN
PERCHED HIGH ABOVE THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
SEVEN STORIES IN THE AIR,
A LOT TO THINK ABOUT AS HE AWAITS THAT PLUNGE.
(beeping)
BIEBER.
THIS BABY DWARFS THE PLAY SET SLIDE, JOHNNY.
DOWN HE GOES. HOO HOO!
OH, HO HO!
OH! THE FLUME OF DOOM NEVER DISAPPOINTS.
CRAZY GOOD.
1,000 GALLONS OF H2O
PUSHING DAN DOWN AND UP.
PLENTY OF DISTANCE BEHIND THAT LAUNCH.
A FANTASTIC START.
SO MUCH MORE TO COME, BEGINNING WITH THE IRON MAZEN,
AND IT IS A CHORE JUST GETTING UP TO THE THING.
IN HE GOES, AND THE SCRAMBLE BEGINS.
MAKING HIS WAY DOWN
AND AROUND WITH CONTROL AND PURPOSE HERE.
QUICKLY THROUGH THE YELLOW AND INTO THE CRUCIAL RED ZONE.
STILL HAS TO GET IN POSITION TO GET OUT.
TRICKY LITTLE JUMP OVER TO THE PLATFORM.
OH, HO!
OH!
SHORT AND STRAIGHT DOWN.
YEAH, HE HAD THE RIGHT IDEA.
OH!
JUST COULDN'T EXECUTE IT THERE.
HE'LL HAVE A NICE, LONG SWIM TO CLEAR HIS HEAD, THOUGH,
AS HE GETS READY FOR ANOTHER ATTEMPT.
BACK UP, BACK IN, BACK TO WORK.
DAN STILL WITH A LOT OF ENERGY
AS HE SLALOMS THROUGH THE MAZE.
SIDE TO SIDE, LIGHTNING QUICK INTO THE RED.
AGAIN, IN THE RIGHT PLACE.
TIME IS RIGHT AS WELL.
HE'S DIVING NOW. YEAH!
YEAH! DAN IS DONE WITH THE IRON MAZEN.
AND AT A BIT OVER THE 4-MINUTE MARK,
HE IS READY TO FACE OFF WITH THE AXLE OF EVIL.
OOH. INAPPROPRIATE GRIP ON THAT PRONG.
UPSIDE DOWN. WHEW. POUNDED WITH WATER.
THIS IS GONNA BE A DIFFERENT DISMOUNT HERE.
OH!
HE HELD ON JUST A SECOND TOO LONG.
YEAH, A NEAR-PERFECT RIDE ON THE AXLE,
BUT DAN HELD ON TOO LONG, AND IT COST HIM.
ANOTHER SECOND ATTEMPT COMING NOW.
DAN MOUNTING UP AGAIN, AND USING THAT SAME TECHNIQUE--
VISE-LIKE LEG LOCK ON THE PEG.
AT THIS RATE, HE'S GONNA CRASH INTO THE PLATFORM.
OH! THAT WORKED OUT JUST FINE!
OH!
RUNNING THE COURSE WITH HIS OWN PECULIAR STYLE,
BUT RUNNING IT EFFECTIVELY,
AND HE'S GONNA NEED MORE OF THAT TO GET PAST OUR FINAL OBSTACLE,
THE GREAT WALL OF FALL.
PEG AND PISTONS. WATCH YOUR STEP.
EVERY PATH SO SLIPPERY AND TREACHEROUS.
THE PEGS-- THEY'RE STURDY. OH!
OH!
OH! AND NOW HE'S DOWN!
OH! ONE MISSTEP,
AND HE GETS PUNISHED BY THOSE PEGS ON THE WAY DOWN.
DAN'S BEEN A QUICK STUDY.
EVERY FIRST-ATTEMPT FALL
HAS BEEN FOLLOWED BY A SECOND-ATTEMPT SUCCESS.
AND HE IS HOPING THAT TREND HOLDS UP
ON HIS SECOND TIME AROUND HERE ON THE GREAT WALL OF FALL.
DROPS DOWN, STRADDLES THAT PISTON.
I'M NOT SURE THAT'S THE BEST SPOT.
WHOA! A JOLT THERE!
HAS HIS HANDS FULL NOW. HE'S TWISTED AROUND AND BACKWARD.
SOMEHOW, JOHNNY, HE SAVES IT.
WOW. HE NEEDS TO GET HIMSELF TURNED AROUND SOMEHOW.
WELL, IT'S WORTH SOME EXTRA CAUTION HERE
TO AVOID A LONG SWIM.
A WIPEOUT NOW WOULD CRUSH HIS TIME.
11-PLUS MINUTES--ALREADY IS UP THERE A LITTLE BIT.
AND HE HAS GOT IT, JOHN.
DAN THE INAPPROPRIATE FAN...
WHOO! YEAH!
HAS SET THE TIME TO BEAT AT 11 MINUTES, 31 SECONDS.
WIPEOUT ZONE GOT KILLED! WHOO!
A VERY RESPECTABLE TIME, JOHNNY.
NOW WE NEED TO FIND OUT IF IT'S A WINNING TIME.
THE GEOLOGIST BRYAN NORMAN...
(laughs)
LOADED INTO THE TOWERING FLUME OF DOOM
AND READY TO TAKE HIS SHOT AT IT.
LET'S LOOK AT HIS DAY TO THIS POINT.
THE GEOLOGIST BRYAN NORMAN...
(grunts)
DIDN'T TAKE OUR QUALIFIER FOR GRANITE THIS MORNING
WHEN HE LEAPED HIS WAY TO A FIRST PLACE FINISH.
THINGS GOT A LITTLE ROCKY ON TOTAL CARNAGE...
YEAH!
BUT BRYAN ENDURED AND GOT A LITTLE BOULDER
ON THE WIPEOUT PLAY SET.
NOW WITH 50 GRAND ON THE LINE...
(screaming)
BRYAN MUST SQUARE OFF
AGAINST OUR FINAL OBSTACLE, THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
BRYAN STANDING ATOP THAT TOWERING FLUME OF DOOM,
AND THAT CAMERA ANGLE SHOWS YOU
JUST HOW SCARY THIS DROP'S GONNA BE.
OH, MAN. THIS IS REALLY, REALLY GNARLY.
DAN'S WATCHING.
RIGHT HERE.
HE HAS THE TIME TO BEAT.
BRYAN ANTICIPATING THE RIDE AHEAD.
WELL, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.
THE 7-STORY FLUME OF DOOM COUNTDOWN BEGINS.
(beeping)
AND THERE HE GOES!
WHOA!
HEY, HEY!
WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
OUR GEOLOGIST IS DIGGING IT!
TAKE ANOTHER LOOK AT THAT.
BRYAN FLUSHED OUT BY THAT THOUSAND-GALLON DUMP,
WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
AND HE GOES FLYING!
A MEAN, GIANT RATTRAP.
BRYAN OUT OF THE WATER,
RUNNING UP THAT RAMP THAT LEADS TO IRON MAZEN.
I'M LOOKING FOR SOME CHEESE, RATTRAP.
ABOUT 50 GRAND WORTH OF CHEDDAR.
AND HE HOPS IN. TRYING TO GET INTO POSITION NOW.
UH-OH!
BRYAN DOESN'T LOOK LIKE HE KNOWS WHERE TO GO RIGHT NOW.
YEAH, INSTEAD OF MAKING HIS WAY TO THE RED,
HE'S JUST LETTING THE MAZE SPIN HIM.
NO DANGER OF FALLING YET. YOU KNOW WHAT?
BUT FROM DOWN THERE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE MAZE,
IT IS A HARD ROAD BACK.
YEAH, YOU GOTTA LET
THE WHEEL DO SOME OF THE WORK FOR YOU, JOHNNY.
HE HAS FOUND THE RED FINALLY.
OOH!
OH! BUT HE'S STARTING TO TAKE A BEATING.
WELL, HE GOT A LOOK AT IT,
BUT ONLY AS IT PASSED BY, JOHNNY.
HE'S STUCK IN THE MAZE.
MM-HMM.
THAT'S GONNA HURT HIS TIME, NOT TO MENTION HIS BODY.
NOW DESPITE THE CONFUSION, HE IS PERFECTLY POSITIONED
AS HE APPROACHES THE EXIT AGAIN.
SEES THE OPENING.
AND HE JUST WALKS OUT, JOHN.
WOW.
WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
A BIZARRE, HAPHAZARD TECHNIQUE.
HE IS HOPPED UP FOR THE NEXT CHALLENGE.
THE AXLE OF EVIL BEARING DOWN.
OH, HO!
OOH! BRYAN GONNA GUT THIS THING OUT.
IT'S A WET AND WILD WHIRLING RIDE.
OH, WOW!
OH, HE FLIPS UP!
AND HE FALL--HE COMES UP SMELLING LIKE A ROSE!
WOW!
WOW, THAT WAS A GOOD ONE.
WOW!
MAN! BRYAN FLIRTING WITH DISASTER,
BUT THAT RECKLESS TECHNIQUE OF HIS CONTINUES TO PAY OFF.
PAST THE 4-MINUTE MARK NOW.
BRYAN'S GOT TWO OBSTACLES BEHIND HIM WITHOUT A SINGLE WIPEOUT,
AND NOW ON TO THE GREAT WALL OF FALL,
AND BELIEVE ME, WE CALL IT THAT FOR A REASON.
HE HASN'T FALLEN YET, HUH?
OH! OH, HO!
OH! HE ALMOST HAD ONE THERE, JOHNNY.
NEARLY LOST IT, BUT HE STAYS UP TOP.
YEAH, TAKING HIS TIME
NOT IN THIS GEOLOGIST'S TOOL KIT, APPARENTLY.
NEARLY FINISHED.
THE WATER CANNON'S BLASTING AWAY.
BUT BRYAN HARDENED BY PRESSURE AND TIME.
JOHNNY, THAT IS A NEAR FLAWLESS RUN.
YEAH!
BAM!
RIGHT AWAY, YES, SIR!
(shouting indistinctly)
CLOCKING IN WITH A VERY SOLID TIME
OF 4 MINUTES, 55 SECONDS.
OLD GUYS RULE! OLD GUYS RULE!
BUT IF THE BULLY HAS ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT,
HIS NAME WILL BE ON THAT CHECK.
BARRY THE BULLY
READY TO MAKE HIS CASH GRAB IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
THAT COMES UP WHEN WE RETURN.
♪♪♪
WELCOME BACK TO "WIPEOUT," AMERICA.
WE'RE IN THE SECOND HALF OF THE WIPEOUT ZONE,
AND WE ARE DOING OUR DARNEDEST TO GIVE AWAY 50,000 BIG ONES.
THE GEOLOGIST BRYAN NORMAN ROCKED THE WIPEOUT ZONE
AND CURRENTLY HOLDS THE LEAD,
BUT THAT COULD ALL CHANGE IN AN INSTANT.
BARRY THE BULLY ABOUT TO TAKE HIS TURN.
LET'S REVIEW HOW HE MADE IT HERE TO THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
AAH!
BARRY THE BULLY QUICKLY MADE MINCEMEAT OF OUR QUALIFIER
THIS MORNING WITH A SECOND-PLACE FINISH.
HE GAVE TOTAL CARNAGE A KNUCKLE SANDWICH
AND REFUSED TO PLAY NICE ON THE WIPEOUT PLAY SET.
(grunts)
NOW BARRY MAY HAVE FINALLY MET THE ONLY OBSTACLE
THAT ISN'T AFRAID TO STAND UP TO HIM--THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
YEAH! (speaks indistinctly)
WE STARTED THE DAY WITH 24 CONTESTANTS,
AND IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THIS MOMENT.
BARRY THE BULLY LOCKED AND LOADED INTO
THE TOWERING FLUME OF DOOM,
WAITING TO TAKE THAT 70-FOOT FREEFALL.
(beeping)
NOW UNLOCKED AND UNLOADED AND UNDERWAY,
ARMS OUT...
WHOA!
AND GLIDING AND FOR MAXIMUM DISTANCE.
STOIC LOOK ON BARRY'S FACE
AS HE IS JETTISONED DOWN THE FLUME OF DOOM.
MAN VERSUS WIPEOUT ZONE, JOHN,
AND HE MEANS BUSINESS.
HAS TO SHAKE OFF THAT FLAT-ON-HIS-BACK ENTRY.
OW! THAT HURT.
YEAH! HOW DOES IT FEEL
TO BE THE ONE GETTING BULLIED FOR ONCE, BARRY?
TIME TO FIND OUT HOW BARRY STANDS UP
TO THIS YELLOW AND RED LABYRINTH.
NO HESITATION GETTING IN.
UHH!
OH, GOODNESS!
OH, HO HO HO!
NEARLY TAKES A HEADER RIGHT OUT OF THE MAZE!
LUCKY TO KEEP HIS BALANCE.
BACK TO FOCUSING ON THE TASK OF GETTING TO THE RED SIDE
AND GETTING OUT.
OOH!
OOH! AH!
IRON MAZEN REMINDING BARRY WHO'S IN CHARGE HERE.
HE'S GOOD.
WAY UP TOP AND TURNING FOR HOME,
IRON MAZEN HAS CHEWED HIM UP.
IT'S READY TO SPIT HIM OUT.
JUMPING ACROSS. YEAH, COUNT IT.
NOT THE WAY ANYBODY WOULD HAVE DRAWN IT UP,
BUT HE'S PAST IT, AND THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS.
OUT OF THE IRON MAZEN NOW.
JUST A FEW TICKS OFF BRYAN'S PACE THUS FAR.
I THINK HE'S GETTING PRETTY WINDED.
SOME WISHFUL THINKING ON THE GEOLOGIST'S PART THERE.
HERE COMES THE AXLE. BARRY GRABBING HIMSELF A PRONG.
SLIPPING AWAY. SPLASH!
OH, HO! YEAH, BARRY THE BULLY...
(grunts)
NEVER REALLY GOT A GOOD GRIP ON THAT PRONG.
LOOKED LIKE HE TRIED BRUTE STRENGTH,
BUT IT JUST WASN'T ENOUGH.
HERE'S HIS SECOND ATTEMPT NOW.
BARRY BACK ON AND SPREAD-EAGLE,
USING ALL THREE PRONGS.
THIS IS FIRST-RATE EFFORT.
YEAH, HE IS ABOUT TO ACE THE AXLE OF EVIL.
TOUCHING DOWN. OH! SHOCKER!
NO! THE BULLY RIDING THE AXLE OF EVIL PERFECTLY THERE...
(grunting)
BUT THEN HE BLEW THE DISMOUNT.
AND NOW HE IS IN ALL-OUT GO MODE.
TWO OBSTACLES TO GO AND LESS THAN A MINUTE TO FINISH.
SORT OF DIRE STRAITS HERE.
BALANCED AND SECURE ON HIS THIRD TRY.
HAS TO CAREFULLY STEP OFF. NICE.
UH-OH.
MIRACULOUSLY, BARRY IS STILL IN THIS.
DONE WITH THE AXLE OF EVIL, ON TO THE GREAT WALL OF FALL.
ABOUT 30 SECONDS LEFT NOW.
BARRY'S GOT ALL THE TIME HE NEEDS,
BUT HE HAS TO BE PERFECT HERE.
WIPEOUTS AT THIS POINT ARE OUT OF THE QUESTION.
THE BULLY MOVING ALONG SLOW AND EASY,
BUT HE REALLY DOESN'T HAVE THAT LUXURY.
HE NEEDS TO RISK EVERYTHING.
RUNNING OUT OF TIME. LEAPS...
UHH!
OHH!
NO!
BARRY THE BULLY GOES DOWN.
CAN'T REGAIN HIS BALANCE WITH NO TIME TO SPARE.
AND THAT MISSTEP IS GONNA COST HIM 50 GRAND.
(air horn blows)
AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
THE GEOLOGIST BRYAN NORMAN IS OUR WINNER.
YOU JUST WON "WIPEOUT"!
I WON?!
YES!
WHOO! YEAH!
I CAN'T BELIEVE! WHOO!
(laughs)
YEAH!
LOOK AT HIM GO, JOHNNY!
(chuckles)
THIS IS THE MOST EXCITING THING TO HAPPEN TO GEOLOGY
IN 5 MILLION YEARS.
MM.
AND YOU SAID SCIENCE WAS A FRAUD.
I SAID NO SUCH THING.
THAT'S GONNA DO IT FOR US.
PLEASE JOIN US AGAIN NEXT WEEK
WHEN 24 BRAND-SPANKING-NEW CONTESTANTS
TAKE ON MORE CRAZY OBSTACLES.
UNTIL THEN, AMERICA, I'M JOHN ANDERSON.
AND FOR OUR COLLEAGUE JILL WAGNER,
I'M JOHN HENSON SAYING, GOOD NIGHT AND BIG BALLS.
AAH!
(electronic beeping)
♪♪♪
UHH!
UH-HUH! UHH!
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
UHH! AAH!
(smack)
AAH!
UHH! AH! COME ON!
YEAH!
HA!
GRR! ROLLING!