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( music playing )
Announcer: SO YOU'D LIKE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT LIVING IN THE FUTURE?
WELCOME TO THE YEAR 2055!
WOW-WHEE, IT SURE IS NEAT!
FLYING CARS, NANOTECHNOLOGY, THE SINGULARITY
AND CULTURED MEAT FOR EVERYONE...
...WAS WHAT WE THOUGHT THE FUTURE WOULD BE LIKE.
( fanfare )
INSTEAD THE FUTURE IS AN EXCITING WASTELAND OF ADVENTURE!
- LOOK, THERE'S LITTLE JOHNNY NOW! - ( dog barking )
- ( snarling ) - DON'T WORRY, THAT DOG HAS NO TEETH.
- BUT HE STILL HAS RABIES, SO DON'T LET HIM GUM YA! - ( gunshots )
- ( howls ) - WHAT HAPPENED TO MAKE THE FUTURE SO FUTURISTIC?
MAYBE IT WAS A COMBINATION OF CLIMATE CHANGE
WEARING DOWN THE ICE CAPS; ECONOMIC COLLAPSE DESTROYING INTERNATIONAL TRADE;
ANTIBIOTICS BECAME USELESS JUST AS ROBBER-BARONS RETREATED TO SKY-HIGH TOWERS;
RESOURCE WARS POISONED THE WATER SUPPLY;
AND A GENERATION RAISED ON LIKES AND SHARES HAD NO COPING MECHANISM.
CHRIST CAME BACK... AND THEN HE LEFT AGAIN.
ALSO THERE WAS A PRETTY BIG EARTHQUAKE IN EVERYWHERE.
BUT THAT'S THE PAST! THIS IS THE FUTURE!
SO HOW DO YOU EAT IN THE FUTURE?
WHY, FUTURE FOOD COMES IN FANCY FURRY PACKAGES.
IT'S FRESH AS CAN BE. YOU OPEN IT WITH A KNIFE AND YOU'D BETTER EAT IT FAST
BECAUSE FUTURE FOOD DOESN'T GET REFRIGERATED.
THERE AREN'T ANY FRIDGES! REMEMBER CARS?
CARS OF THE FUTURE ARE TOTALLY DIFFERENT THAN THE ONES TODAY.
THEY DON'T GO ANYWHERE! THEY'RE LIKE HOMES.
AND THREE OR FOUR PEOPLE CAN DEFEND THEM FOR SHELTER.
- ( screams ) - HERE'S ANOTHER HOUSE OF THE FUTURE.
WINDOWS ARE A THING OF THE PAST. AND THE NEWEST FAD
IS LIVING IN ONE PLACE FOR A NIGHT
- AND THEN RUNNING FROM GANGS. - ( clamoring )
- ( laughing ) - ENTERTAINMENT OF THE FUTURE IS VERY SIMILAR
TO THE ENTERTAINMENT OF TODAY-- INSTEAD OF YOUTUBE OR TELEVISION,
KIDS OF THE FUTURE HAVE PILES OF ASH TO PLAY WITH.
WHY, THAT'S A LITTLE ASHMAN!
RELATIONSHIPS OF THE FUTURE ARE A LOT LESS COMPLICATED THAN THEY ARE TODAY.
DESPERATE FOR ANY KIND OF CONNECTION, PEOPLE WILL SLEEP WITH ANYONE.
- BEGGARS CAN'T BE CHOOSERS. - ( shrieks )
AND WE'RE ALL BEGGARS IN 2055!
- ( grunts ) - AND WHAT ABOUT FASHION? SHOES SHOES SHOES.
IT'S ALL ABOUT SHOES.
FINDING SHOES THAT FIT IS TO DIE FOR.
JUST ASK THAT GUY! OR DON'T. HE MAY BE DEAD. YEP, DEAD.
- ( growling ) - WOW, THE FUTURE IS AN EXCITING PLACE!
- ( crowd roaring ) - YEAH, THE FUTURE IS EVERYTHING WE DREAMED OF
- AND MORE! - ( grunts )
ALL THE TROUBLES OF YOUR DAY-TO-DAY ARE GONE.
NO MORE BILLS! NO MORE PARKING TICKETS
- OR HEALTH INSURANCE. - ( screams )
NOW YOU DO WHATEVER YOU WANT EVERY DAY.
- THAT'S THE FUTURE! - ( moans )
NOW RUN!
( upbeat music playing )