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Okay, the page just came up. It’s all black and white with a picture of a typewriter along
the top.
Yes, that’s it.
Okay, what now?
Come again?
What now? You were showing me your blog but this doesn’t look like a blog.
That’s because you still have to navigate TO the blog.
I thought I just did that.
What?
Am I not on the blog already?
You typed in the address, hit enter, and did nothing else, correct?
Correct.
Then you’re not on the blog already.
I thought you were showing me your blog.
I am.
But this isn’t your blog?
It IS my blog, but you still have to––
I’m just saying that with you being the writer and all, you’re kind of lacking in
specificity, you know?
You just have to click the link!
What link?
The one that says “Blog” on it.
Okay, wait, do you have MORE than one blog?
Oh. My. God ….
Okay, that looks like a blog.
I’m so happy you approve.
Can you tell me something, though?
If it’s within my ability to communicate at a level far beneath my average working
vocabulary.
What?
What?
If it’s within my ability--
What?
If it’s within my ability to communicate at a level far beneath my average working
vocabulary.
I don’t understand a single thing happening in this post. Who’s Clarence and what the
hell is a “laser raptor ***”?
What are you doing? You can’t start the story there!
What? Where? I’m at the beginning of your blog.
No, that’s the end.
It’s the end now?
Well, not the end––I’m not done writing––but that’s where I’m currently at.
The beginning?
The end!
All I wanna know is where the hell am I supposed to start reading this thing?
You have to go to the bottom of the page.
I have to go to the BOTTOM of the page to read the BEGINNING of your blog? Is there
an explanation at the bottom of the page about the laser raptor ***?
No, there are navigation links at the bottom of the page. You need to click back to the
beginning of the blog.
The beginning isn’t where I started?
No, you started at the end.
You know this *** is confusing, right? Why didn’t I go to the beginning of the blog
in the first place?
Because that’s not how blogs work.
THERE’S FIVE HUNDRED AND THIRTY NINE PAGES ON YOUR BLOG?
That’s about right.
How many posts are on each page?
Ten.
That’s a bit much.
How do you figure?
Why don’t you just publish a book?!
Well––
BOOKS ARE EASIER TO NAVIGATE! YOU ALWAYS KNOW WHERE TO START AND YOU JUST *TURN* THE PAGE.
I’ll publish it when I’m done.
IT’S A FIVE HUNDRED AND THIRTY NINE PAGE BLOG. And counting. Are you ever GOING to
be done?
No … probably not.
This is problematic.
We’re talking about the epic, never-ending sci-fi fiction blog?
Have you read it?
I’m aware of it.
You’ve never read it?
I’m AWARE of it.
I’ve read every single one of your books.
And I’ve read YOUR book. With additional emphasis on the singular nature of the word
“book”.
Of course you read it. Everybody read it. It’s a bestseller.
WAS a bestseller. Six years ago. And you followed up all of that record-shattering success with
a BLOG that you’ve been writing for five years and can’t seem to figure out how to
finish.
It’s an anthology.
It’s incomprehensible.
What have YOU written? Huh? ANYTHING? What are you even doing in this chat?!
YOU asked me to read your blog!
I apologize … But YOU––
Me?
HIM.
(sighs)
At least I’ve HAD a bestseller, even if it’s only been one. How’s the whole self-publishing
business working out for you, you arrogant son of a ***?
Jesus, fellas. Is there some hostility up in here or is it just raining rhino *** outside
or something?
I have a feeling we both saw the same news this morning.
Cupid’s Third Stand?
Cupid’s Third Stand.
Did somebody say the name of the latest installment of my Christian-Romance-Cash-Cow Extravaganza
starring none other than Cupid, the heroic god of *** desire?!
Your new book came out?
Yesterday. It’s already number 12 on Amazon’s top romance list.
Congratulations!
Oh, for the love of––
No––this kind of formulaic genre *** deserves no one’s congratulatory remarks.
Oh, these fellas are just sour because I, unlike them, actually make money with my writing.
By taking advantage and exploiting a market you have no business writing for!
Christian romance?
He’s an atheist!
Guilty as charged. But I’m still a writer. My creative talents and shockingly astute
intellect allow me to craft stories that are APPEALING to the Christian market.
This is like a vegetarian becoming a butcher.
Because YOU’VE been to space and wrapped your own hands around a throbbing laser raptor
***?
You’ve read my blog, then?
Forget being an atheist––how can you write romance novels when you’ve never been in
a real relationship in your entire life?!
It’s called FICTION.
It’s called ***.
It’s called jealousy, is what it is.
You, my friend, are a sell-out of the worst kind.
It’s despicable.
It’s heinous.
It’s inexcusable.
It’s reprehensible.
It’s vile, putrid, and utterly distasteful.
Totally despicable.
I already said that.
What? Oh, I apologize.
Perfectly fine.
I dunno, he’s writing and selling books successfully. It sounds like you guys ARE
kinda jealous.
Yeeeeaaaah, what HE said.
What it sounds like is that we have STANDARDS.
Ethics.
Behavior that IS ethical.
Scruples, even.
Moral obligations to write in a manner befitting ….
Befitting writer’s who want to be PROUD of their work.
PRIDE. Yes. We have pride.
Pride? You’re proud of your library of self-published novellas that nobody reads? And you? Are you
proud of the twisted mess of a sci-fi blog that takes a four-year degree in engineering
to understand how to navigate? Are these things you’re PROUD of? Because, me, I’m proud
that I’ve built career out of doing something I love.
…. scamming a system and a disrespecting genuine authors throughout the world?
What was that?
Hater’s gonna hate, man.
Yeah. Well, listen, it was great catching up, fellas. I’ve gotta run. I’m taping
an interview about Cupid’s Third Stand. It’ll air nationally tomorrow morning. On
TV. Nationally. So …. yeah. Later.
Cool guy.
I hate him with every fiber of my being.
Cupid’s Third Stand …. That is such a stupid title.
….. I am so jealous.
I want his success.
He just keeps writing, how does he write so much?
And it’s the perfect niche.
Right?! Christian romance. God!