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ANNOUNCER: From the Double Cross Ranch,
weighing in at 247 pounds,
please welcome the living legend,
Terry Funk!
(CROWD CHEERING)
His opponent from Truth or Consequences, New Mexico,
weighing in at 277 pounds,
this is Cactus Jack!
(CROWD CHEERING)
STYLES: The waiting is over. The time for talk is done.
It's time for action.
You know something, Terry.
STYLES: Wait a minute.
I've been sitting back there, watching, and I think we both agree,
there's been far too much violence already.
(CROWD SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY)
Terry, I recently learned
to appreciate the value of family entertainment.
STYLES: Are you kidding me?
I think I know these people in Philadelphia pretty well.
And what they want and what they need right now
is one hell of a scientific match.
(CROWD BOOING)
STYLES: I don't think so.
By golly, Terry, I think we are the two guys to give it to them.
(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)
STYLES: So, we are going to see a scientific match-up
between Cactus Jack and Terry Funk.
You know what, Terry?
You and I, we wrestled in Japan in a tag team.
We wrestled in Florida in a tag team.
But tonight, thanks to ECW, the first time we ever stood toe-to-toe
the way it's supposed to be.
(CROWD SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY)
I got a lot of respect for you,
and it's going to hurt me to have to kick your *** all over the ECW arena.
STYLES: Whoa!
(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)
STYLES: The gauntlet has been dropped.
But not as bad as it's going to hurt you. ***-***!
You know,
that's what I love about Cactus,
he's always been a dreamer, hasn't he?
STYLES: And I have a gut feeling
we are about to see a classic wrestling match-up.
And despite the fact that there is no personal
animosity between these two wrestlers,
you can bet they'll pull out all the stops
to get the victory and see who is the hardest of the hardcores.
These two can chainsaw each other and shake hands.
CROWD: Whoo!
STYLES: I heard a "whoo."
Is it senior citizens night here at the ECW arena?
And Cactus lays in at Terry Funk just to get his attention.
And he has.
He likes it. The Funker likes it.
Cactus Jack thrown on the outside.
Terry Funk goes right out after him.
And Funk is using what's left of a table to assault Cactus Jack.
Face-first goes Cactus Jack into the steel guard rail.
Funk has asked the fans to part the way, so they have.
Because we are witnessing a battle of biblical proportions.
And if Moses can part the way, so can Terry Funk.
Hell, did Moses ever wrestle in Philly? I don't think so.
Can Moses do a moonsault? No.
Terry Funk is God in Philly.
Well, our cameras following the action
into one of the far corners of the arena.
Funk and Cactus...
This is the scientific match-up we were told that we were going to have.
They're scientifically beating the hell out of one another.
Sleeper by Terry Funk.
Cactus drops down to break the hold.
Cactus Jack launched himself into Terry Funk.
Oh!
You wanted hardcore, you got it.
And if heaven ain't a lot like Philadelphia,
I don't think anyone in this building wants to go.
Irish Whip on Terry Funk. Funk hits hard.
Face-first goes Terry Funk into the canvas.
Jack now with Funk. Oh, no!
Here it comes. No!
This is how Cactus Jack lost an ear.
Cactus Jack lost an ear just this way!
He may be deaf before this match-up is over.
Well, thankfully Cactus Jack manages
to escape with one-and-a-half ears.
Funk and Cactus going toe-to-toe at ringside.
This is scientific wrestling at its best.
Not!
And Cactus goes face-first into the steel support.
And again.
Funk rolls Cactus back into the ring.
Wait a minute, here comes the Public Enemy.
The Public Enemy is assaulting Terry Funk.
(CROWD BOOING)
What the hell are they doing out here?
We had a great hardcore match-up.
We were making hardcore history!
I don't understand this at all.
Rock and Grunge are in the ring with Funk.
Cactus Jack has been busted wide open.
DDT on Terry Funk.
Well, the Public Enemy trying to give the match to Cactus Jack.
He doesn't want it.
Now, the Public Enemy is going after Jack!
The Public Enemy is now committing
assault and battery on Cactus Jack!
They're trying to get Jack to cover Funk.
But Jack doesn't want to cover Funk.
I don't understand this.
Well, there goes the ref.
So much for Jim Molineaux.
And now Terry Funk has been laid out.
Once again,
they're trying to get Cactus to cover him.
(SCATTERED BOOING)
What was that?
We've got no decision.
Well, Jack refusing to have his hands raised
to victory by the Public Enemy.
So they just beat the hell out of him, too.
Terry Funk is being assaulted by the Public Enemy.
I don't understand any of this.
None of this makes sense.
Well, Terry Funk and Cactus Jack are going berserk.
(CROWD CHEERING)
And they're looking for the Public Enemy.
Cactus Jack and Terry Funk are looking for
"Flyboy" Rocco Rock and Johnny Grunge.
This has been Hardcore Heaven.
Thanks for joining us exclusively on ECW home video.
We'll see you next time.
Are we off? That's all.
All right, that's a wrap, fellas.
That's a keeper. No, wait a minute!
Are we still rolling?
Are we still rolling?
Cactus Jack has found Johnny Grunge.
And here comes Terry Funk after Rocco Rock.
We've got an impromptu match-up.
Looks like Funk and Jack versus ECW Tag Team Champs.
Rocco Rock was thrown into the first row.
Terry Funk using a frying pan.
Funk just chasing Rock with that frying pan.
CROWD: Oh!
Terry Funk has two frying pans.
It's like watching a bad cartoon.
Terry Funk is going to try to piledrive Rock on the frying pan.
(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)
Well, Cactus Jack and Terry Funk have made a statement.
And I believe they've made two enemies for life.
Oh, my God!
ANNOUNCER: Please do not throw chairs into the ring!
Please do not throw chairs into the ring!
Stop the chairs!
Stop the chairs!
Do no throw chairs into the ring!
STYLES: Talk about hardcore.
I've got nothing left to say.
This has been Hardcore Heaven and a night of wrestling
as only Eastern Championship Wrestling can do it.
Fans, we thank you so much for joining us.
This is Joey Styles signing off from ringside in the ECW arena,
we'll see you next time.