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HA HA.
AW.
[YAWNS]
STOP.
WHY?
DEREK, STOP.
O.K.
WHY'D YOU STOP?
I LOST MY HEAD.
YOU KNOW, ASH, IT'S BEEN GREAT BEING BACK IN TOWN
VISITING ALL THE COLLEGES.
THE BEST PART HAS BEEN BEING WITH YOU.
I MISS YOU.
ME, TOO.
16 YEARS ON THE SAME STREET
AND YOU BLEW IT BY MOVING.
IF NOT STANFORD, I'LL GO TO ULA.
I'LL BE AROUND ALL THE TIME.
DEREK, YOU'LL GET IN.
YOU'RE TOO SMART. I WISH YOU WERE DUMBER.
I'D HAVE A BOYFRIEND AGAIN.
HEY.
YOU NEVER STOPPED HAVING ONE.
YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT 'CAUSE YOU LIKE ME.
I'M SAYING THAT 'CAUSE I LOVE YOU.
AW!
LOOK AT YOU TWO.
ALMOST A YEAR APART
AND YOU TWO LOVEBIRDS HAVEN'T MISSED A BEAT.
NOT ANOTHER WORD!
I'M NOT GOING TO DISTURB YOU.
I'M GOING IN THE KITCHEN,
GET ME A LITTLE BEVERAGE OR SOMETHING.
ALTHOUGH, THESE ARE THE MOMENTS OF YOUR LIFE.
WILL!
NO. NO. NO. YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU GUYS ARE GROWN ADULTS.
I DON'T HAVE NO BUSINESS DISRESPECTING YOU LIKE THIS.
I'M SORRY.
I'LL JUST GO AWAY.
I'M SORRY.
HEY.
I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU.
OH, DEREK, WHAT IS IT?
JUST OPEN IT.
OH, A LITTLE HORSE.
YEP.
THAT'S FROM WHEN WE RODE THE CAROUSEL DOWN AT THE PIER.
THAT'S WHEN WE FIRST HELD HANDS.
AH AH AH AH.
OH, MY GOD. A LITTLE ROLLERBLADE.
REMEMBER WHEN WE WENT ROLLER-SKATING DOWN IN VENICE?
THAT'S WHEN WE FIRST KISSED.
DEREK, THIS IS SO SWEET.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS.
YOU KNOW,
WE'VE HAD A LOT OF FIRSTS TOGETHER.
I KNOW.
YOU KNOW, ASHLEY, THERE'S, UH...
THERE'S ANOTHER FIRST I THINK WE SHOULD DO TOGETHER.
REALLY? WHAT?
WELL, I LOVE YOU, ASHLEY,
AND I THINK WE SHOULD MAKE LOVE.
TOGETHER?
♪ NOW THIS IS A STORY ALL ABOUT HOW ♪
♪ MY LIFE GOT FLIPPED ♪
♪ TURNED UPSIDE-DOWN ♪
♪ AND I'D LIKE TO TAKE A MINUTE ♪
♪ JUST SIT RIGHT THERE ♪
♪ I'LL TELL YOU HOW I BECAME THE PRINCE ♪
♪ OF A TOWN CALLED BEL-AIR ♪
♪ IN WEST PHILADELPHIA, BORN AND RAISED ♪
♪ ON THE PLAYGROUND IS WHERE I SPENT MOST OF MY DAYS ♪
♪ CHILLIN' OUT, MAXIN', RELAXING ALL COOL ♪
♪ AND ALL SHOOTIN' SOME B-BALL ♪
♪ OUTSIDE OF THE SCHOOL ♪
♪ WHEN A COUPLE OF GUYS WHO WERE UP TO NO GOOD ♪
♪ STARTED MAKIN' TROUBLE IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
♪ I GOT IN ONE LITTLE FIGHT ♪
♪ AND MY MOM GOT SCARED ♪
♪ AND SAID YOU'RE MOVING WITH YOUR AUNTIE ♪
♪ AND UNCLE IN BEL-AIR ♪
♪ I WHISTLED FOR A CAB ♪
♪ AND WHEN IT CAME NEAR ♪
♪ THE LICENSE PLATE SAID FRESH ♪
♪ AND IT HAD DICE IN THE MIRROR ♪
♪ IF ANYTHING, I CAN SAY ♪
♪ THAT THIS CAB WAS RARE ♪
♪ BUT I THOUGHT, NAH, FORGET IT ♪
♪ YO, HOMES, TO BEL-AIR ♪
♪ I PULLED UP TO A HOUSE ABOUT 7 OR 8 ♪
♪ AND I YELLED TO THE CABBY ♪
♪ YO, HOMES, SMELL YOU LATER ♪
♪ I LOOKED AT MY KINGDOM, I WAS FINALLY THERE ♪
♪ TO SIT ON MY THRONE AS THE PRINCE OF BEL-AIR ♪
GOOD MORNING, GEOFFREY.
PLAYING DRESS UP AGAIN, MASTER CARLTON?
FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
I'M INSTALLING THE NEW INTERCOM SYSTEM.
YOU?
HA HA HA.
YUK IT UP, BRIT BOY.
REMEMBER, HE WHO LAUGHS LAST...
LAUGHS BEST.
HA HA HA.
YOU KNOW, I KIND OF REMEMBER HIM BEING TALLER.
REALLY?
I DON'T.
AAH!
EXCUSE ME, CARLTON.
I'M GOING TO LET THAT ONE SLIDE, YOUNG MAN.
OBVIOUSLY, YOU'VE FALLEN IN WITH A BAD ELEMENT.
HEY, YO, DEREK, MAN,
I'M TELLING YOU, YOU'D LOVE ULA.
YOU GOT TO CHECK IT OUT.
WE CALL IT "THE HIVE"
'CAUSE THE HONEY'S BE SWARMIN'.
CAN YOU HEAR ME?
CAN YOU HEAR ME?
OH, HI, DEREK.
OH, HI, ASHLEY.
THAT'S DISGUSTING.
NO. ACTUALLY, CARLTON, THAT'S A KISS.
IF YOU'RE LUCKY, ONE DAY YOU'LL EXPERIENCE ONE.
VERY FUNNY.
I GOT A CALL FROM OZ.
THE WIZARD SAID YOUR BRAIN IS READY.
WE'RE STILL ON FOR TONIGHT, RIGHT?
UH, YEAH.
YOU'RE TRIPPING.
SHE CAN'T SAY NO TO YOU.
WILL...
THAT'S GREAT.
I GOT TO DO SOME ERRANDS.
I'M OUT OF HERE.
O.K., BYE.
I'M WATCHING YOU, MISTER.
REALLY? LET ME HELP YOU.
I NEVER LIKED THE CUT OF THAT BOY'S JIB.
YOU SHOULDN'T BE ADMITTING
YOU BEEN LOOKING AT THAT BOY'S JIB.
OH, HILLARY, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE?
NOT NOW.
MY SHOW STARTS IN FIVE MINUTES.
UH-OH, BIG SISTER RADAR.
IT'S IMPORTANT, ISN'T IT?
I CAN TELL.
I HAVE A THIRD SENSE ABOUT THESE THINGS.
HILLARY...
DO YOU REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME YOU FELL IN LOVE?
OH, THIS IS IMPORTANT.
COME. COME. COME.
SIT. SIT. SIT.
IT WAS LAWRENCE YOUNG,
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN AT BEL-AIR PREP.
HE WAS A GOD.
HE HAD BEEN HELD BACK THREE YEARS
SO HE WAS REALLY BUFF.
HE HAD THE MOST AMAZING--
HILLARY, I--I GET THE PICTURE.
OH, ASHLEY, ARE YOU IN LOVE?
I THINK SO.
I FEEL LIKE DEREK'S THE ONE.
I WON'T FEEL THIS WAY ABOUT ANYBODY ELSE.
OH, ASH, I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU,
BUT LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS DON'T USUALLY WORK OUT.
I MEAN, LOOK AT THE LITTLE MERMAID.
I MEAN, SHE WAS STUCK IN THE SEA,
AND HE WAS STUCK ON LAND.
BUT THEY ENDED UP TOGETHER.
WITH THE HELP OF A LOBSTER.
YOU KNOW A LOBSTER?
LOOK, HILLARY, DEREK AND I HAVE BEEN SPENDING
A LOT OF TIME TOGETHER,
AND WE REALLY CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER.
AND LAST NIGHT, THE SUBJECT CAME UP ABOUT, UM...
UM, SEX.
OH.
OH, DID YOU?
NO! NO!
NO.
BUT I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT, AND...
I--I JUST WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU KNOW IF--
I CAN JUST TELL YOU THAT, FOR ME,
LAWRENCE AND I REALLY LOVED EACH OTHER,
AND WE BOTH FELT THAT WE WERE ABLE TO MAKE A RESPONSIBLE DECISION.
WE DECIDED THAT THE TIME WAS RIGHT.
ANY REGRETS?
DIDN'T I TELL YOU HE WAS BUFF? HELLO?
BUT I MEAN, HILLARY, WEREN'T YOU SCARED?
OF COURSE.
EVERYONE IS.
BUT I WAS READY.
AND ONLY YOU KNOW IF YOU'RE READY OR NOT.
ASHLEY, FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER,
YOU HAVE BEEN INDEPENDENT, RESPONSIBLE, AND SMART.
NOW, I KNOW YOU'RE AWARE OF ALL THE ISSUES.
AND WHATEVER DECISION YOU DO MAKE,
I'M ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU.
THANK YOU, HILLARY.
O.K., WHAT DO YOU THINK?
NOPE.
IF YOU GUYS DON'T PICK ONE,
I'LL BE GOING ON THIS DATE WEARING A HEADBAND.
I'M SURE DEREK WOULDN'T MIND.
KEESHA, HE'S NOT LIKE THAT.
HE SAYS WE'RE SOUL MATES.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'LL DO WHEN HE LEAVES.
I MISS HIM ALREADY.
ARE YOU GUYS, YOU KNOW...
NO.
HAVE YOU GUYS EVER...
NOPE.
BUT IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE GETTING CLOSE.
WELL, ALL I KNOW IS,
WHEN DEREK AND I MAKE LOVE,
IT'LL BE SPECIAL.
WHEN?
IF.
WILL, THE NEW INTERCOM SYSTEM IS WORKING LIKE GANGBUSTERS.
NOW WE CAN TALK TO ONE ANOTHER FROM DIFFERENT ROOMS.
I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU WHEN WE'RE IN THE SAME ROOM.
CHECK OUT THE EXCITING NEW ROAM FEATURE.
LET'S LISTEN TO MY ROOM.
WELL, ALL'S QUIET IN THERE.
OOH, THERE'S A SURPRISE.
SUBJECT-- GEOFFREY'S ROOM.
I WONDER HOW I'D LOOK
IF I SHAVED MY ENTIRE BODY.
CHANGING CHANNELS.
IF YOU AND DEREK HAVE SEX,
YOU'LL BE THE FIRST ONE IN OUR GROUP TO LOSE HER VIRGINITY.
DEREK'S LEAVING TOMORROW.
ARE YOU GOING TO DO IT?
KEESHA, IT'S NOT DOING IT,
IT'S MAKING LOVE.
YES, I THINK WE'RE GOING TO DO IT TONIGHT.
AAH!
AAH!
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?
WE'RE GOING TO STOP LISTENING.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
ENOUGH LISTENING.
TIME FOR ACTION.
SHE NEEDS DEPROGRAMMING.
WE'LL MAKE HER WATCH MOVIES,
DORIS DAY MOVIES.
THERE'S A GOOD, WHOLESOME ROLE MODEL.
♪ QUé SERA SERA ♪
♪ WHATEVER WILL BE WILL BE ♪
WAIT A MINUTE.
WHATEVER WILL BE WILL BE?
WHAT KIND OF DEVIL-MAY-CARE MESSAGE IS THAT?
THE ***!
O.K., CARLTON.
LOOK, YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN.
FIND THE YELLOW PAGES.
I'M CALLING A NUNNERY.
IT'S LATE.
SO I'LL NEED A 24-HOUR ONE.
CARLTON, MAN, WE AIN'T EVEN CATHOLIC.
HAVE AN OPEN MIND.
ARE YOU LISTENING TO YOURSELF?
I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT.
WE'LL DO GOOD COP, BAD COP.
I MEAN, I'M HER BROTHER.
I'LL PLAY THE BAD COP.
O.K., YOU BABY. YOU CAN BE THE BAD COP.
LET'S MOVE.
CARL--
CARLTON.
WOULD YOU UNHAND ME?
ARE YOU GOING UPSTAIRS AND MAKE A FOOL OUT OF YOURSELF?
IF NEED BE.
SOMEONE HAS TO STOP THE INSANITY!
THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.
ASHLEY COULDN'T SAY NO TO YOU.
I DIDN'T LIKE THE CUT OF HIS JIB.
ARE YOU THE BAD COP?
LOOK, CARLTON--
COME HERE. NOW LISTEN.
AIN'T NOBODY GONNA BE NO COP,
AND AIN'T NOBODY GOING UPSTAIRS
'CAUSE WE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HEAR WHAT SHE SAID.
THERE ARE DEMONS OUT THERE
THAT GO BY THE NAME
OF SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES,1
RISK OF PREGNANCY,
IMPROPER USE OF A ***.
AND YOU'D HAVE US DO NOTHING?
I DIDN'T SAY WE'RE DOING NOTHING.
WHAT DO WE DO?
YOU'LL KNOW AS SOON AS I--
HEY!
HEE HEE.
HOW Y'ALL DOING?
HI.
IS DEREK HERE YET?
OH, HE AIN'T COMING.
WHAT?
YEAH. IT WAS, UM...
A BIG ACCIDENT OUT ON THE 605.
YEAH. A JACKKNIFED BIG RIG.
YOU KNOW, SPILLED OUT A BIG LOAD OF, UH, UH...
JACKKNIVES.
HEY, EVERYBODY. WHAT'S UP?
HEY! WHAT'S UP, MAN?
THANK GOD, YOU'RE ALIVE.
WE'RE GOING TO TAKE OFF.
SEE YOU, GUYS. BYE.
I'M GOING TO GO GET A SWEATER.
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. GO GET A SWEATER.
YOU KNOW.
CHILLY.
SO, DEREK, WHAT'S UP, MAN?
CAN WE HAVE A WORD WITH YOU FOR A SECOND?
OH, WHAT'S GOING ON?
WE'RE ASKING THE QUESTIONS HERE, PALLY.
SO, DEREK, YOU KNOW ABOUT FOOTBALL?
YEAH.
YEAH, YOU DO,
OR YEAH, YOU DON'T?
ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH THE TERM "OFFSIDES"?
OH, YEAH.
THAT'S WHEN SOMEBODY CROSSES THE LINE TOO SOON.
EXACTLY.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT HERE THEN, BRO?
NO.
NO, YOU DO,
OR NO, YOU DON'T?
CARLTON.
LET'S PUT IT THIS WAY.
YOU'RE ROUNDING THIRD BASE,
AND YOU'RE HEADED FOR HOME.
YOU THINK YOU'RE ABOUT TO SCORE EASY,
BUT HERE'S THE PROBLEM.
YOU'RE IN THE VISITOR'S BALLPARK.
AND IF YOU SCORE,
THE ANGRY FANS WON'T BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS.
AND IT'S BAT NIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
ARE YOU TWO IN TROUBLE WITH A *** OR SOMETHING?
LET'S STOP BEATING AROUND THE BUSH.
YOU'RE PLAYING CHESS.
YOUR ROOK'S BEEN BLIND-SIDED BY THE QUEEN'S GAMBIT.
YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR BISHOP AT HOME
AND PROTECT YOUR QUEEN'S VIRTUE
OR TAKE THE *** ROAD,
CASTLE YOUR KING, AND GO FOR THE MATE.
AND IT'S BAT NIGHT.
DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?
READY TO GO, DEREK?
HEY.
DEFINITELY, LET'S GO.
CARLTON, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE DEREK OUTSIDE
AND SEE IF HIS LIGHTS IS WORKING?
I'M GOING TO TALK TO ASHLEY.
MY LIGHTS?
WILL, THAT'S ENOUGH.
NOW, WHAT'S GOING ON?
PHEW.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
THAT'S A VERY INTELLIGENT QUESTION, ASHLEY.
THAT'S A MARVIN GAYE SONG, TOO.
GOOD NIGHT, WILL.
ASHLEY, NO!
ASHLEY, DON'T DO IT.
DO WHAT?
ME AND CARLTON WERE ROAMING ON THIS STUPID INTERCOM,
AND WE ROAMED RIGHT INTO YOUR CONVERSATION,
AND WE HEARD WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT YOU AND DEREK.
YOU WERE SPYING ON ME?
ASHLEY, NOW SPYING,
THAT'S SUCH AN UGLY WORD.
WE WERE ROAMING.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS INVADED MY PRIVACY LIKE THAT.
BUT--BUT--BUT--
FIRSTLY, HOW DARE YOU LISTEN TO MY CONVERSATION.
SECONDLY, IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
NONE OF MY BUSINESS?
RIGHT.
THIS IS MY LIFE.
I DECIDE WHAT I DO OR DON'T DO.
YOU KNOW, I WOULD EXPECT THIS FROM CARLTON...
BUT NOT YOU.
A--
[DOOR SLAMS]
YOU HAVEN'T SAID A WORD ALL THE WAY HERE.
DID I DO SOMETHING?
OH, NO. NO. NO.
SO, WHAT'S GOING ON?
CARLTON AND WILL LISTENED TO ME AND MY FRIENDS
HAVING A REALLY PRIVATE CONVERSATION.
OH, REALLY?
YEAH.
THEY HEARD ME SAYING THINGS
THAT I JUST DIDN'T WANT THEM TO HEAR.
LIKE WHAT?
JUST SOME STUFF.
WELL, WHAT KIND OF STUFF?
UH, STUFF, UM, ABOUT ME AND YOU.
OOH, GOOD STUFF?
YEAH.
THEY HEARD ME TELLING MY FRIENDS THAT, UM...
THAT I WANTED YOU TO BE MY FIRST.
DID YOU MEAN THAT?
YOU THINK YOU'RE READY?
WELL, IF YOU ARE.
ARE YOU?
SURE.
I GUESS.
ASHLEY, IT SOUNDS TO ME LIKE YOU'RE NOT TOO SURE.
WELL, DOES IT BOTHER YOU
THAT YOU'RE LEAVING TOMORROW?
WELL, YEAH.
DOES IT BOTHER YOU?
I THINK IT DOES.
WOULD YOU RATHER NOT DO THIS?
WELL, I JUST NEVER THOUGHT MY FIRST TIME WOULD BE
WITH SOMEONE WHO WAS LEAVING ME.
WHAT IF WE NEVER SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN?
ASH, WE'LL SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN.
THEN WE REALLY DON'T HAVE TO RUSH.
I'M SORRY.
BABY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO ME.
SO, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO NOW?
I DON'T KNOW.
MINIATURE GOLF?
LET'S DO IT.
GOLF.
ASHLEY!
BACK OFF, WILL.
YOU TELLING ME TO BACK OFF?
HOLD UP.
NOW THIS IS ME.
NOW, WE ALWAYS USED TO BE ABLE TO TALK ABOUT ANYTHING.
TALK.
WELL, YOU KNOW, I JUST WANT TO SAY
I'M SORRY WE INVADED YOUR PRIVACY.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT.
I KNOW.
I SAID IT WAS WRONG.
IT'S JUST HARD FOR ME
TO ACCEPT THE FACT THAT YOU'RE GOING TO...
YOU KNOW, THAT YOU'RE GOING TO BE...
YOU KNOW.
I KNOW YOU CUTE.
IT'S JUST THAT--
FORGET ABOUT IT.
NO. NO.
I CAN'T FORGET ABOUT IT.
IN MY EYES, YOU'RE STILL THE LITTLE GIRL
THAT USED TO FOLLOW ME AROUND ALL THE TIME.
NOW YOU WEARING DRESSES
AND GOT MAKEUP
AND THE WHOLE NINE.
IT'S--IT'S...
IT JUST MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE
TO KNOW THAT YOU'RE HAVING A...
A SEX LIFE.
FINE. BE UNCOMFORTABLE.
LOOK, WILL...
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
Yeah.
I MEAN...
I LOVE DEREK,
AND I THOUGHT I WAS READY, BUT I'M NOT.
YOU KNOW, FOR A MINUTE,
JUST FOR A MINUTE,
I FORGOT HOW SMART YOU ARE.
GUESS I KIND OF PANICKED A LITTLE BIT.
YEAH.
YOU REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I ASKED YOU ABOUT SEX?
YOU PANICKED THEN, TOO.
I DID NOT.
WELL...
I GUESS IT'S NOT THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD
TO HAVE A COUSIN WHO CARES TOO MUCH.
[CARLTON] THAT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL.