Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
- supervised.
- You sold $2.
000 in a day.
- Impressive huh?
- Your brother is mad at me.
- I put him in majestic summer school.
- Maybe you and I can solve a ***.
Blood samples point
to Kyle and Jill.
Jill had an abortion!
I'm setting in front of you documents
which will honorably discharge you
from the US army reserves.
- Can you grow here?
- Hell yeah it's perfect.
Allright, teach me some
more grow business.
Guillermo's crew is all moody
'cause I jacked his horse.
I left you a package
in the garage.
I need you to hold on to it
for a spell.
Weeds - Saison 3 - �pisode 6
Grasshopper
Michvanilly / Macanto / [dx] / San-A
Good morning.
you want huevos rancheros?
Why are you cooking
without clothes?
No I have underwear on.
There's a cotton barrier between
my eggs and yours.
Would you please take a walk
into the laundry room with me?
Oh, please tell me there's
not a body in there.
- Yowza.
- ***.
- ***-o-licious.
- Oh put it back.
Are you a smack dealer
now Nancy?
Oh, bringing the hammer, down!
turnin' out the ***!
- Hardcore!
- How much is it worth?
I'm no expert.
I've heard tar is worth between
$40,000 and $80,000 a key,
and we've got 20 keys
in there, and that's wholesale.
Once you break down into
chunks and balloons,
you're talking about
It's awesome.
Calm down, you
don't understand.
Oh, wait, is your
oh, jesus, Andy!
What? That's a lot of money,
I'm excited for us.
Are you insane?
This isn't ours.
We're not *** dealers.
That stuff scares the
*** out of me.
- Hello?
- Good, you're up.
- We're throwing a party.
- Are we?
I had a vision in the
middle of the night.
Think big and festive.
Mixed drinks, strong,
and real food
None of that California
healthy crap.
Fried things,
wrapped in bacon.
- Crowd pleasers.
- When are we throwing this party?
Tomorrow, for the Agrestic city council.
And whoever else matters
in wherever the
*** it is you live.
Nice, tomorrow,
as in 24 hours?
Well, I was thinking late
afternoon, so it's more like 31.
Your budget's 5 grand.
make it look like $10,000.
I've emailed you a guest list:
mayor ***, council man ***,
any other important ***
you can think of, add them on.
- Is this gonna be a problem?
- No, no, all good.
Great, wear something that
shows off those sexy legs.
I look forward to seeing
where they end sometime.
That's your one for the day.
- Did I, uh, hear "party"?
- Yes, for the city council, go on.
- Get out of here.
- Aw politicians, ***, this is perfect.
We can unload at least a key.
These are U-turn's drugs, and he's
going to take them back.
You are going to shave
and find a clean shirt.
because you are going to
cater this soiree,
because we are going to have
the party here tomorrow night.
Here? Not a restaurant or a hall?
Not if we want to make
Take $1,000.
make it look like $5,000.
I don't remember volunteering my
services, maybe I have plans tomorrow.
Maybe I have a playdate
- You live here for free.
- Yes.
You eat my food, you wipe your
*** with my toilet paper.
I don't have to ask you ***.
Get in there and finish
frying your eggs,
think of a menu that includes
pork-wrapped items.
And wash your hands.
I need now is for the boys to
eat *** eggs for breakfast.
Right, cuz then they'd
want it everyday.
Welcome, to your
new home miss Hodes.
We've got it promised out next week,
some folk shooting a movie,
But after that,
she's all yours.
Thank you Sullivan Groff.
Of course, we'll have to keep it in
the corporation's name
for the first six months
A house is a fat piece of swag to hide.
Oh it works for me.
Keeps it out of my husband's
stubby, little sausage fingers.
- Husband?
- Yeah.
- You're not wearing a ring.
- I'm separated.
Dancing my way to divorce.
This is an amazing living room.
They call this "the great room".
This is the room that
sells the house.
Oh, flat screen goes right here.
- What the ***?
- Here, get behind me.
God!
"***"
- "***"!
- ***.
And another "***".
"***" *** Doug.
But you got to admit, he's quite
accurate with a 5 iron.
I'm not dressed for this.
You said you wanted to talk.
this is my fitness time.
Ow, quit it!
Bob and weave, Bob and weave.
Oh, no, too slow.
- Come on!
- Ok.
When are you coming to take
your trunk out of my house?
- Oh you looked didn't you?
- It's in my house.
And there it shall remain,
grasshopper.
Listen
I'm throwing a party tomorrow, it can't
be storage space for your ***.
Get the trunk, out of
my house, now.
No more complaining.
Now, move your feet!
Come on!
What am I doing here?
You are working off your debt
and your ***.
Keep moving.
- What do you want from me?
- I'm thinking about grooming you.
I'm thinking about the future.
Yeah, that's 'cause Marvin
is a fat fool!
Maybe one day
you'll be my lieutenant.
- No, thank you.
- Oh!
Okay
Yeah, I wasn't asking,
and you ain't there yet.
Just keep on watching
and learning,
and we'll see what happens.
Never turn down
an opportunity to learn.
- You're right.
- No, I'm left.
See? See what I'm saying?
Listen when we done here,
I'm gonna give you an address
downtown, 7:30 sharp.
- It's a surprise.
- I don't like surprises.
You're gonna like this one.
Now, come on!
keep dancing, girl! Aah!
Bingo!
Oh, so close.
All right, new game.
Picture frame.
So that means we fill out the
whole outer edge of the card
Top row, bottom row, side,
and side, all filled in.
Now, this is a long one, everyone,
so settle in
and let's bingo!
It's an indica blend, so it's
not too harsh, not too heady.
It has a real calming effect.
Son, I don't need a sales pitch.
Just tell me this
Will it *** me up?
Yes, sir,
it will *** you up good.
Benine.
Good news.
Your tumor is B-9.
B-9
Hurry up and give it to me.
This girl is giving me a headache.
Before
- And after.
- Very good!
Before.
N-37.
It is a known fact that in africa,
the lions rule the Serengeti plain.
All right,
I need you to try one of each.
I have stuffed mushrooms,
little smokies wrapped in bacon,
chicken satay, and rumaki.
Feast and praise.
Is this dinner?
Yeah, sure, I guess.
try.
This sucks.
How can it suck?
it's wrapped in bacon.
Not the food.
This Me and you.
I want family dinner
I need to talk to mom.
I'm your uncle.
talk to me.
Can you convince mom
that I'm better off
sitting home all summer
than stuck in a classroom
full of religious zealots
proselytizing
a form of fundamentalism
that's two klicks away from jihad?
Maybe you better talk to your mom.
Try another smoky.
When's mom coming home?
Uh, not sure.
She has
a "ladies in business" thing.
She's at a drug thing, isn't she?
No.
Yeah, she's at a drug thing.
your mother's a drug dealer.
Why do you make me say it? Why?
- Bud, where you going?
- I'm not hungry.
Okay, no more hors d'oeuvres.
I'll make some pasta.
We'll watch bikini
chicks eat crickets.
No, thanks.
I'm gonna go read.
Reading?
You kids today and your reading.
The male's barbed ***
will make sex so painful
for the female
that she snarls and snaps at
him when he retreats.
So he bites the scruff of her
neck to hold her down.
Now, the bite may appear to be
dangerous and aggressive
Someone get the door!
- Who is it?
- I don't know who it is,
because someone hasn't
put up my security cameras
like I asked 17 times.
Hey, I'm working the crops here.
You ain't doing nothing
but smoking mores
and running water
through dollhouses.
Why don't you get your *** up
a ladder and do it?
- Should I get it?
- yeah, see who it is.
What I do with my time
is none of your damn business.
And when I ask you to do
something, you *** do it,
'cause I'm your aunt, I'm your
elder, and I will beat you down.
It ain't like you don't know we
supposed to have a security s
What the *** you doing here?
Don't just stand there
invite a *** in.
Next time I ring your bell, you
better hurry up and let me in.
Next time you in my face, gargle.
Oh, you a wild girl, Vaneeta.
Why'd you bring him here?
He brought me.
it was a surprise.
I didn't even know
about this place.
I know everything.
Now, come over here.
I don't want my soldiers
fraternizing with the help.
This is not me.
How could you think I'd like this?
The fun's just getting started.
Now, where's our crop?
It ain't ready.
What you mean, "it ain't ready"?!
Y'all had a minute to get
this place up and running.
Y'all got more excuses
than a *** in court.
Pull it up, dry it out!
let'*** the streets!
Come on, let's move, now!
Look, I told you
It ain't ready.
Can't force nature.
Oh, no? Hmm.
Seedless watermelon
Broccoflower, aprium
half apricot, half plum.
***, you can't force nature.
They even got a hypoallergenic
cat you can buy for 4 grand.
Knock over a plant.
What?
You need to learn to wreck ***.
Let them know you mean business.
Look, I'm all for wrecking ***
to make a point.
I do it with my kids all the time.
But we're wrecking our own ***.
Don't argue with me.
Just go over there
and bust some *** up
before I have to bust one of
them up, and wait for my cue.
So, y'all ***
think we playin', huh?
I want my ***'crop in a month!
Now, do it right!
Fine.
All right, louis
Show's over.
You'll get your ***'crops,
and then we're done with your ***.
Your grandmother always said
you were a bad seed.
Now look at you
full-grown *** bush.
You old fool.
It's over when I say it's over.
Aah!
All right, Nancy, let's go.
Did you ***'apologize?
What's the matter with you?
Listen, "thug" means never
having to say you're sorry.
An underground canal
will carry the sewage
right through agrestic
to our water-treatment plant
in van nuys.
- Are you coming to the party later?
- Yes
- Well, how about being my date?
We're ready to break ground, sir.
What do you want now?
You ever watch a man
play with a big machine?
Not for a long time, but you
still didn't answer my question.
Get over your issues, celia.
I want you.
Let's just start with a date,
and we'll take it from there.
- okay, stop right there.
- can I help you?
- Mr.
Groff?
- Dumb name.
- And you are?
- Warden Shlapobersky,
from the wildlife commission.
A mammal on our
endangered-species list
may lose its habitat
with this new construction.
We have to insist
that you halt all work
until we've further
investigated the matter.
Let me guess the dirt shrew.
Yeah, yeah.
Looks like a jackrabbit
and a big rat ***.
You're not getting
anything else from me, wilson.
This store is closed.
Well, this project is on hold
until there's a full report
on the dirt shrew,
and I'm referring to
the endangered animal,
not the one
in the hard hat and heels
who's been sucking your ***.
I said, "don't let me move"!
You're big.
you're a large man.
It's hard to keep you in one place.
I don't let you move.
Shut the *** up!
I ain't talking to you!
Tell him to shut his ***'mouth.
Shut your *** mouth, Marvin!
That's good.
Oh, that was really good.
Hey, listen,
if you don't really need me,
I need to go to the flower mart
to pick up some Casablanca
Lilies for my boss's party, and
and I hear that all the wedding planners
get there early and buy them all.
He'll kill me if this party tanks.
You're being hyperbolic.
I don't think
he'll actually kill you.
But me
I'm a different matter.
- Put your hand on my shoulder.
- Why?
It helps me pay attention
to my form! Do it!
Review time.
What did we learn last night?
Lesson make an impact.
I'm a drug dealer
And I'm great at what I do.
Don't you want to be great
at what you do?
Yeah.
You been learning good, novice.
But you got to do better.
More money
Results
Faster.
Now go get those lilies.
Hi, we haven't
officially met.
I'm Tara.
Silas.
Hmm, community-service boy.
I saw you sell mr.
Mertes
an eighth.
Nice cross.
Yes, well, I'm tight with the lord.
So, he's aware you can spot
an eighth from across the room?
He is.
In fact, he, uh,
he likes it when I get ***.
We have some great talks.
Are you gonna tell on me?
Not if you smoke me out.
Right now?
Tomorrow.
Same time.
Gladwell park.
Uh, smoke me out, and
I'll tell you about my friend.
Jesus.
That's the one.
Hey, hey,
go easy on the jumbo shrimp.
Those are expensive.
Dumb name can afford it.
(Hey, hey, shh!)
You got to let it go, man.
Love the food, pal.
Want you to give
a friend of mine a call.
We're shooting a movie
in one of our empty houses.
Needs a caterer.
you'll thank me later.
Hey, you did a good job.
How much of the budget
did you stuff in your bra?
Uh, half.
- Can I feel?
- No
In that case, next time,
spring for a hall.
Now, you see that fella
Baldy, the white-haired clown?
Let me know
when he's good and shitfaced.
I need his signature on something.
And that woman there
in the chanel knockoff
She needs the recipe
for the stuffed mushrooms.
She's a big fan.
she's also someone's wife.
I need to borrow her
for a minute.
You are going to talk to me.
In, in.
Okay, listen.
I know we're in the middle
of the party and everything,
but, Nancy,
you have got to stop hating me.
- I don't hate you.
- But you do.
Celia, I don't.
Listen, you got me a job.
What's done is done.
I don't want to
fight anymore.
Let's just leave it.
Good, then.
- Okay ?
- I'm glad.
- Great.
- *** it!
These ***
ankle-strap shoes.
Has Sullivan
ever talked about me?
- What?
- Has he ever mentioned me?
Yes.
He calls you
the hot redhead.
Are you sure
he was talking about me?
Because I've always thought
I was more
Auburn with, like,
strawberry blond highlights.
He was definitely talking
about you.
He likes you.
You should go be with him.
Nancy, there you are.
Matt Keefe
doesn't have a drink in his hand.
Hey, man, what's up?
Did you tell some woman
in a Chanel knockoff
she could go through
my recipe box?
Out, out,
all of you, all of you!
This room is off limits!
Okay? Out.
Get out.
- I'm really glad
- Get out!
What are you doing down here?
These little smokies
are like crack.
Don't eat too many of them.
They're filled with nitrates.
I really have to talk to you.
Well, bad time.
We'll talk later.
I promise.
You look beautiful tonight.
Thank you.
I want to thank you
for being my date.
You're welcome.
You know
I'm gonna keep trying.
Good.
Who are you?
A sheep in god's flock.
Let me hear you say "baa.
"
You want a drink?
Mr.
Johnson gave it to me
after he confused me with his war buddy.
I don't drink.
Wine's okay
because jesus drank that,
but, other than wine,
I don't drink.
But you smoke.
Only weed, not cigarettes.
Never cigarettes.
You don't drink,
you don't smoke cigarettes.
Let me guess
you don't have sex either?
Not until I'm married.
How can you be all into jesus
and still smoke weed?
Because pot is natural.
It's not processed.
It's made by god himself,
so it's spiritual,
elevates you, opens your mind,
and that's what god's love
is all about.
I can see your ***.
***.
Don't be embarrassed.
I mean, that's
part of god's love, too.
Once you're married.
You're right.
My virginity is for my husband
But that doesn't mean
we can't have some fun.
You okay?
Of course.
I was just at this party
last night
and fell up on two
big-*** freaks, that's all.
- They kept a brother up all night.
- I'm coming!
Keeping up with my heart rate,
swinging my arms.
You gonna let him beat you?
Come on! First one
to the next tree wins!
U-Turn? Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
Marvin!
What is it?
What's wrong with him?
He got high blood pressure.
I saw some people
at the bottom of the hill.
Run and ask them if they have
a banana.
He needs potassium!
I'll stay here.
you'll be okay.
You ***-*** ***
I got you now.
This is for saying I was too
stupid to be your second in command.
And this is for laughing at me
for going to "Dreamgirls"
and for never
letting me count the money.
You gonna die, ***.
Don't die on me, coz!
No one has any bananas.
We need to get him
out of here.
Let's pick him up.
U-Turn's dead!
He's dead!
What am I supposed to
do now, man?!
What the ***
am I supposed to do, man?!