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Good evening, dear friends. The Empire of Passion is on the air. We are happy to welcome you.
Putin's Empire
Hello, dear friend.
You can sing Putin songs about Crocodile Gene,
bake him a cake,
write a coloring book about his adventures,
but he won’t appreciate any of this.
[Why did you do that? Oooh, because I cannot stand you!!]
Vladimir Vladimirovich wanted something else for a gift,
nothing more or less than a resurrected empire.
Putin covers up this desire with words about the Eurasian Union and articles in Izvestiya more than 2,000 words long.
Oh yeah, “I read Komsomolskaya Pravda on the way to work.” There’s a double standard for you.
Putin was not satisfied with the customs union of Russia, Belarus and Kazakhstan, which was created this summer.
At the New Year of 2012 he will launch the Single Economic Space and call all this together the Eurasian Union.
One hundred and sixty-five million happy consumers, no borders impeding movement of capital,
the work force scurrying here, there and everywhere.
Khristenko, although he looks like the American comedian Rodney Dangerfield,
was completely serious when informed Putin that over the six month period the trade turnover of the customs union was 88 billion dollars.
He promised 100 billion for next year.
There will no longer be a border with Kazakhstan, labor or migration quotas, nothing at all.
Only unrestrained economic growth, supranational legislation, universal happiness and Putin.
Vladimir Vladimirovich doesn’t plan to stop at this and will add to the Union Kirghizia, Tadzhikistan, and then, if he can manage it,
many other countries including Ukraine.
[A fairy tale]
Putin wanted to create a national ideal. He goes along and thinks—I need to do something global and grandiose.
So that certain people stop their whining,
and others find business partners,
and a third group will finally get their wives to make them soup.
Something for everyone, so that everyone feels great!
Suddenly Nursultan Nazarbayev is sitting right in his path.
Putin says “Why are you not coming to meet me, and just sitting there.”
“Actually, I have been sitting here for a long time-- for four terms,” answers Nazarbayev. “I have oil.”
“Do you really have oil? Come with me and I will show you oil like you never saw oil before. All of it will be ours! - OK!!”
They go on toward the lake, and there Rosa Otunbayeva is sitting and crying.
“Why are you crying?”
“I cannot build a hydroelectric station, I cannot conjure up water spirits to be guest workers. I cannot defend my country.”
“Come with us and we will defend you. Just until your term as president runs out, of course.
And we will give your guest workers better working conditions.”
Rosa cheered up and wiped away her tears.
They continue on together, and suddenly they see Lukashenko wearing potato-colored glasses.
He is digging in the potato field and singing.
They rip off his potato-colored glasses, and he asks in surprise.
”Who are you? I did not ask you to come here; you can go you know where.
Only come around from time to time, and give me a little fraternal help. We can settle accounts!” And he shakes a potato.
“We don’t need your potato. You’d be better off coming with, us you can cheer us up with your songs and your optimism. And you can raise your potato planting to a new level, a global level.”
Lukashenko twirled his mustache and agreed.
The four of them continue on until they encounter Yanukovich sitting on the road in front of a house. He looks very, very sad.
Why haven’t you come to visit for such a long time?”
“They won’t permit it now. They say I offended Yuliya with a seven year incarceration.”
“How did you offend?” asks Putin with a frown. And then he smiles in a fatherly way and offers Yanukovich a bottle of mineral water. Mineral water with gas.
“We have a lot more, come on with us. That’s enough quarreling over trivia, it doesn’t do anyone any good.
And they go on together until they create a national ideal, so that the people of the fraternal countries can live better and in a more advanced manner.
All because you can catch a fish in a short time, but it takes a while to build an empire. Especially with an honest-to-god economy that those picky foreigners can’t find fault with. That’s this story’s end, if you believe it you’re my friend..
[To the cat: All the same, you’ll get more views. MORE VIEWS.]
[Your sense of humor is terrible. It was a joke.]
By the way during my time off, I was in Minsk, there the vertical power structure is like a broom – it all converges on Papa (Batka).
Lukashenko’s older son, Viktor, is, in actuality, the second most important personage in the country and heads the Belarusian KGB,
his younger son Dmitriy is in charge of Belarusian sport.
In the last election, Lukashenko got 80% of the votes. How many of them were actually his is a mystery.
And although Papa’s fiery speeches have an effect only on mentally challenged journalists, his hold on power is firmer than ever.
[Sanya is staying with us, staying with us, everything will be OK]
Inflation in Belarus increased during the past year
and if, in the past, a Muscovite could go there and feel like a king, now he can feel like an emperor.
Maybe at some point Lukashenko will get sick of debasing himself before Europe in exchange for hand-outs and promises and he will take a decisive step in another direction.
[There’s no result – guys, good-bye]
The foreign media are confused about whom they should support in the situation developing with regard to the Eurasian Union
and are beginning to talk about Putin as a necromancer who is bringing the USSR back to life.
Have they taken fright, or what? The idiots.
They themselves inserted Putin’s words into a Call of Duty ad, and now they are complaining.
Only Larry King, in proud solitude, praised Putin.
[It seems to me that if Putin lived in America, he would have gotten to be president there, as well.]
Well, Larry, just be patient, it is foreordained, after all.
It would be interesting to know whether this foreordination would confer the ability to avoid the errors of the European Union.
It, in its time, spread its legs and admitted pieces of the ex-USSR and many other countries without thinking about economic consequences.
In conclusion—the disease has been contracted and there is no hope for a cure from the point of view of EU finances.
To be of use to Russia, integration must lead not only to an increase in territory and the elimination of borders, but also to the creation of an independent economic structure.
Structures able to associate as equals with the USA, China and the EU,
and play complex and interesting games with them, not only atmore interesting than “open the valve and there is gas; close it and there is nonenow you see the gas, now you don’t." Good luck!
[A small country, a small country]
Don’t forget to join our chat groups “Satire without an outhouse” and “Dima and Vova,” there you will find more funny pictures and subscribe to my project “Not that news.”
[I would like you to drop in.]