Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
My Brothers and Sisters in Al-Islaam
I welcome you here today, To once again another blessed gathering
On this Blessed day of this blessed hour of youmul Jumma
And always and forever we ask Allah (Almighty) to indeed shower his mercy
His peace and his blessings upon each and everyone of us here today
As to what follows ayuhal ahbab
In our recent meetings, In our recent khutbas that we have had together
We have begun to discuss a topic which dealt with the domestic relations in our homes
The relationship between the Husband and the Wife
Certain manners, The conduct that a husband will do
That causes his marriage to be ruined
And certain Manners that the Wife will do, That causes the Marriage to be ruined
And today Bi-Iznillaahetaala We will conclude this topic
And we will continue discussing some of the manners from both parties
That when they do it
It causes their marriage to be ruined
In InshaAllah ho Taala If Allah (Almighty) wills it that we come and we meet again in the future
We will continue with another similar or related topic
Which we will be discussing very shortly
So as to what follows Ayyuhal Ahbab
As usual,
I will begin by specially addressing the Brothers
And so for the Sisters I ask for your indulgence
And I ask for you to bear with me as I speak to the brothers directly
And brothers realize,
For those of us who have not, Who are new to this topic
Realize,That Wallaahi, Thumma Wallaahi, The person that is standing on this Mimbar
Speaking to you,
He is advising himself before he is advising you
And so i begin
And we begin with the first manner, Conduct
That a Husband will do
And it causes his marriage to be ruined
He will see his wife, She will be cooking, She will be cleaning
She will be spending hours and hours doing these things at home
And in addition
She will be taking care of the first child, The second child,
Or the many children that is in the home
And then often you would find homes
Where the Brother in Law or the Father in Law
Or the Mother in Law or someone else is also living in the same home
Is a part of the family
And she is expected to take care of them
And then, As the days continue
He will confront her, He will be sitting with his own family
Or his own friends, And he will embarrass her
He will make snap judgments against her
He will make fun of her
He will make certain jokes against her
And it causes an embarrassment, And it causes that it is the topic
Of laughter amongst himself and his family
But you know where the problem is?
The problem is at the end of this he says to her
I was just joking
An he tries to brush off the embarrassment that he has caused
This is a direct indication, Of the lack of appreciation, An Love
That a husband must have for his wife
The Rasool SWS
If you look into his Sera, You will find
That all the wives that he has
That he had that he had to live with and take care of
You will never find,The Prophet SWS Doing this with any of his Wives
It has never happened, And even if you look into the Seera
You will not even find a fabricated lie against the Messinger SWS
That he even did something like this
And so where does this manner come from?
How do some Husbands, Make comments to their Wives
And can see that the Wife is embarrassed
She's feeling shy, She wants to escape
And still not feel the remorse or regret in their hearts
And at times, This is something that becomes continuous
Let me tell you where this leads to
Eventually the Wife
She continues in her marriage
However you will find, That when the Husband leaves the home
So does she
When he wants to go out, She doesn't want to be near him
Even if he calls her and says lets go and do the groceries
Lets go to the Mall, lets go somewhere together
She refuses to be with him
A reason that causes the marriage to be ruined
From the manners Brothers and Sisters
That a husband may do
That causes his marriage to be ruined
And this is something, That i constantly receive complaints from many of the wives
E-mailing me, Calling me, And complaining about this problem
They say to me Brother Musleh
As I walk with my Husband in public
Weather it be in a Masjid,
Weather it be in the mall, Or in the grocery store,
Wherever it is,
I find that my Husband, He holds my hand
And he keeps me close to him, Alhamdulillah
The problem is
The eyes of the Husband, Is somewhere else
And the eyes are sleazily looking, And gazing at the Haraam that surrounds them
Allah (Almighty) tells us in Sura Nur
An Ayah (verse) that many of us here know
It is the only Ayah in the Quraan, That explicitly, Directly addresses us
And explicitly commands us, To lower our gaze
Allah (Almighty) tells us
Go and tell the believing Men , This is the first rule
The believing Men, To cover, To lower their gaze
There is no way to twist and turn or to go around the Ayah (verse)
It is explicit, And self explanatory in in of itself
But the interesting part of this
Is the next Ayah (verse) immediately after it
Allah (Almighty) Says
And also tell the believing Women, To lower their gaze
And to protect themselves
The point that I wish for you to take Brothers
Is realize Allah (Almighty) Speaks to us
The men, First
Then he addresses the Women
Scholars of Tafseer (Explanation of the Quraan) teach us
That the taurteeb, The order of this Ayah
Is a direct indication, That the Men in general
Have this problem
More than the Women do
Allah-Ho-Akbar (All Praise is due to Allah)
Do you see how beautiful it is, When you study the Quraan
That even the order of the Ayas (verses)
There is a meaning in and of itself
Nothing happens, Unless that there is a purpose
And so realise Brothers and Sisters
The Man who is with his Wife, With his family
Yet he still cannot control his Eyes
Realize that this is a direct indication
That there is a sickness in the Heart
When there is a sickness in the Heart
And it is continuous
It will cause that the marriage be ruined
And we continue
The third and final point Brothers
I speak to you
And I remind myself and all of you
The third and final point
From the manners and the conduct that men will do
That causes their Marriage to be ruined
And this is a direct indication of hypocrisy
Nifaaq
Hypocrisy,Something that you and I we understand very well
Something that Allah (Almighty) Speaks very severely in the Quraan about
And in order to summarize this third point,
We will say
That there are some Husbands that talk the talk
But they won't walk the walk
So they will tell their Wives
I don't want you to do this
I don't want you to say this
I don't want you to go here
I don't want you to stay here
So their wifes becomes like a piece of furniture
Where they shift and turn, And twist how they like
And they have no indication, Or no assessment to themselves
That as they do this with the Wives
They themselves will do the exact same thing
This is where the hypocrisy happens
That they order their Wives to do this, Or to stay away from that
Yet they themselves
Will commit that error
Will commit that mistake
Let me give you an example
There are many of our Brothers
Families, Close friends
Who have this ideology
Who have this thinking
That they can leave their homes, Whenever they please
And they can have the wife sitting in the home
And she will cry
She will feel sorrow, She will feel upset
Because you know what the problem is?
She has no idea where her Husband is
So she does the only natural thing
She picks up the phone and she calls him
He hangs up the phone
He sees that it is his Wife, He hangs up the Phone
So she assumes now, She starts to make assumptions
OK he is busy, Let me text him
He doesn't return the text
He completely treats her
As though she is a piece of flesh in the home
When its time to cook? Cook
And you can see, Listening by my words Brothers
That I am being very open and direct
Because this a problem
That causes the marriage to be ruined
And at many times, When those Brothers who do this
When they are confronted
When you go to them and you say
Listen
If she were to leave right now
And you had no idea where she went
What would you do?
And you start to see the flair
The reaction
How dare she do this!
How dare she leave me!
How dare she disobey me
This is an exact indication
As the Prophet SWS tells us
That this is the characterless of a Munafic (Hypocrite)
And an Ayah (verse) that you and I know
What does Allah (Almighty) say, About the munaafikoon
That they are were in the Jahanam (hell fire)
They are not only placed in the Hell fire
But as a matter of fact, They are put all the way at the bottom of the Hell fire
We ask Allah (Almighty)
Always and forever, For something so trivial that can lead us to the Hell fire
Yaa Rabbi (OH my Lord)
Forgive us and protect us from this
And as for the Sisters
Brothers, I ask for your patience, And your indulgence
As I address the Sisters directly
Oh Sisters
This portion of the Khutba (Sermon) it is for you
From the manners
From the conduct
That Wives will do
And it causes their marraige to be ruined
If the Husband she sees
That he is having trouble
With his Parents, With his own siblings
With his side of the Family
She pulls herself out
She stays out of it
She doesn't want ot have any involvement in it
She doesn't want to have any voice in it
And you know why?
And at the end of whatever commotion is happening
She wants to say, That I am the good one
I have nothing to do with this situation
Brothers and Sisters
Especially to our Sisters
There is an important saying that we all have heard of
Behind every great Man,
There is a great Woman
And realize, That this statement here
You can find not one, Not two, But numerous examples
Of the great Women in Al-Islaam
From Fatima RAA, The daughter of the Rasool SWS
If you ever read her Seera
You will find , That Night and Day, 24 Hours
Whenever she needed to support
Weather it be Emotionally
Financially
Physically
Materialistically
She was always there to support, And be there for her Husband
And so, This is what defines you, Oh Sisters
This is what defines you, That you be a support for your Husbands,
No matter what the situation is
Number two
Oh Sisters
May Allah (Almighty) Bless you
For you are the Mothers of our Children
You are the ones that carry, These Children
And if it wasn't for the Women Wallaahi
We as Brothers would live a very difficult life
Because it is the Sisters that would carry that Child
Then it is the Sisters that will give birth to that child
Then it is the Sisters that will feed that child
Then it is the Women that would raise that Child
It is the Women that become the first high School for that Child
The first University for that Child
And our part is, We support that
And so Sisters,
Number two
From the manners that a wife may do
May commit
That causes her marriage to be ruined
Is that she tells, Her Parents
About a problem that is happening in the home with her Husband
And she speaks to him when the Husband is not at home
And the Husband has absolutely no clue
And she gives a complaint
Weather it be at her Parents
Weather it be somebody close to her
And then she arrainges
That they confront the Husband, When he least expects it
So when the Mother in Law, Or the Father in Law come to the Husband and says
You have been doing so and so to my Daughter
And he has absolutely the slightest idea of what has just happened
It hits him by surprise
There is no communication
He was left stumped and dumbfounded
And here Brothers and Sisters
As we all know
Allah (Almighty) tells us
In an extremely important Ayah (Verse, Admonition, Warning)
Scholars give various interpretations of this Ayah
And from those interpretations,From those Tafseer
Some of the Ulama RAA tells us,
This Ayah is only speaking about communication
Nothing else
Two parties must speak to each other
This is what the Ayah is speaking about
Many scholars have held this opinion
And so Sisters
I urge you and I plead to you
Do not keep your Husbands in suspense
Or as we call, Play guessing games with them, If you like
Do not allow that barrier to come between you,And the voice of communication between your Husbands
And finally, Number three
From the manners, That a wife may do,
That causes her marriage to be ruined
We will discuss this third and final point in the second part of the Khutba
May Allah (Almighty) Put Barrakat in our marriages
In our lives, With our Children
With our Friends, Our Families
Our Brothers, Our Sisters
May Allah (Almighty) put Barrakat in this part of our lifestyle
May Allah (Almighty) Grant Mercy, To each and everyone of us here today
These are the words that I leave you with in the first part of the Khutba
The Khateeb rest
Bismillah
Alhamdulillah
As-Salaatto was-salaam Wa Alaa Rusoolillah SWS
The third and final point, Oh Sisters
From the things, That you may do
That causes a marriage to be ruined
And for this we we mention only one word
Extravagance
Constantly spending
Constantly complaining that you do not have enough
Constantly re and going and leaving
And attending the shopping Malls And the stores
Doing this on a consistent basis
Spending all the hard Money
The wealth that is accumulated in the home
For extravagance
Allah Asja Wa-Jal tells us
Don't be extravagant
Allah does not love those who are extravagant
Brothers and sisters
There is an important point here to note
Many people have the notion
That to be extravagant, You have to take out your wallet and spend
Let me tell you that there are two types of extravagance
There are those who constantly spend, And accumulate in this manner
But realize Brothers and Sisters
Those of us
Who are in that state where we are constantly collecting
We we see something that is old and run down, We keep it
And we say Insha Allah, This has some use to it
Somebody is moving out, We go and we collect from them
Insha Allah we have use for this
Somebody has just had a problem
They are giving away, They are selling their furniture
They are selling their things , For a very cheap price
InshaAllah we will have some use for it
And before you know it
The entire home, there is nothing except a path to walk
Realize Brothers and Sisters
This state of collecting
And in this society it is known as a pack Rat
This state of constantly collecting things
That are of no benefit to you or your home
And they find only a storage in that home
Realize that this is also part of the Ayah Allah (Almighty) tells us
Orders us
Don't be extravagant
It is something that is a sickness of the Heart
And there are many people that at times
They have to actually have to get treatment
The have to be Psychologised , In order to overcome this
These are the words that I leave you with, Brothers and Sisters
And in conclusion I say
All of the points that were mentioned are general
And for some of us here listening
You will say to yourself at some point
Well that rule also apply to the Women
And the Women may say the same for the Men
As i mentioned to you, These are general points
That are more common to one gender than another
And Insha -Allah-ho-Ta-Aala
If Allah (Almighty) grants us the pleasure of meeting once again
In this Blessed Masjid, In this blessed hour of Youmul Jumma
We will begin with you
A topic
That is extremely important when we have our families
Entitled
Things that Parents do
That causes them to loose their Children
And you'll see it today
Children will grow up
They will fall to the social pressures that surround them
Then they will begin to commit Haraam at a very early age
And as they grow up
The Daughter comes home and she is pregnant
Then the son he comes home, He has never prayed a Salaat in his entire life
Then these same Children
They will grow up
And then the Daughter will come
And she will say that she wants to get Married to somebody that is Haraam
Somebody that everyone disapproves of
And the Son will do the same
And if the Parents repel And they say No, We don't approve of this
What happens?
They elope
They leave, They run away
They get married and live their own lives
Why does this happen?
Many Parents don't realize
That the spark for these problems to happen
Start from the very home itself
And InshaAllah We will be discussing this in our future gathering
May Allah (Almighty)
Indeed shower his Love and his forgiveness upon all the Husbands here
May Allah (Almighty)
Indeed shower his Love , His forgiveness
for all the Wives that are here
May Allah (Almighty) put Baraqa in our Marriages
Put Baraqa in our Children
Put Baraqa in our Society
Put Baraqa in our Community
May Allah (Almighty) shower his Mercy
To the Umma of Muhammed SWS
These are the words that I leave you with
We send Peace and Blessings to the Rasool SWS
Ready for the Salaat