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Oi, como vai você?
Para aqueles que não sabem, meus vídeos estão sendo traduzidos em inglês.
Eles tem essas legendas e tal, porque algumas pessoas estavam tipo:
"Oh, que droga esse cara está dizendo?"
Então agora, todas as pessoas que não falam português, poderão entender o que eu digo.
Você provavelmente vai se arrepender disso.
It took me long to upload a new video for the regular reason: I was working
I'm still working, by the way
Have you ever seen a mug for left-handed people? Look at this one
The engraved part is in the front side. If you hold it with your right hand, look:
You look to the engraved part
So I'm gonna have to hold it with my left hand.
I'm not left-handed, by the way. I'm right-handed
Left-handed people are kind of proud of that
Every time you say you're right-handed, and come up with this discussion, someone says:
"All the great genius of the world were left-handed"
Because, of course, if you're left-handed, you're also a genius
I think that being a genious is a consequence of being left-handed
And every time you are talking about this hand thing, a guy says he is two-handed
I don't know what's the percentual of two-handed people in the world, but I know it's small
But when you talk about it, the percentual raises to, basically, 80 per cent
Right, Lola? Are you left-handed, Lola?
Lola is left-handed, for example
I'm kidding.She is a "four-leg-drive"
For those who complained, and said that watch my videos just because of Lola,
here she is.
Right, Lola? Right? Are you here to record the video with me?
Don't you wanna record the video with me and get famous? Oh...
When I was younger, I couldn't understand the left-handed people. I thought they were kidding
For some reason I couldn't understand how someone could do stuff with the left hand
I've always been so right-handed that, when I played "Unreal"
and gun was in the left side, I couldn't play. I got very "fustraded".
When I was playing "Counter Strike", too.
*You say "fustrated"*
-What?
*You say "fustrated"*
"Fustrated"? I don't say "fustrated"
-*You just said it* - I have a diction problem. I can't say it right
Frustrated. Frustration. "Frustratron"
Cartoon characters. Heroes. When I read comic books, for example, and the guy used
the gun in the left hand, I used to get pissed off.
This hero doesn't deserve my confidence. I wouldn't trust my life to this guy.
Link, from Zelda, for example, is left-handed.
That's why I prefer Sega's games.
People from Sega are right-handed.
Back to the 'when I was younger" thing: When I was a kid, I was worse, but
I have this strange habit to see faces in objects
I see faces everywhere: In any product, any object, anything
For example, if I look... To the sink, I see a little face
I can configure two eyes and a mouth and then I see faces everywhere
When I look at numbers, I see little faces. All of them have their own personality
"E" is a happy face. "A" is a little more serious.
"1", that is a number, is noble
I'm running out of battery. Hang on...
***. Anyway, I'm gonna talk until the battery is over.
*Hairdryer noise*
I can't. Sorry.
So...
-Look -Hi!
-Tell them what happened.
- This is something that every kid should do at home: If you have a liquid soap in a porcelain thing like this,
take it to the shower. We ran out of soap, then I thought I could use this.
I push it the first time, then it slipped. I thought: "Wow, I gotta be careful"
I pushed again, and it slipped again. "Wow, I gotta be careful"
Then I thought: "I need to warn PC, 'cause it easily slips"
At the third time I hold it here, so it wouldn't slip, and then: "swoosh"
And then it happened again.
Then it fell. And made a "death noise" on the floor
I heard it. I was recording. It's got some sharp points that can cut your leg off.
-And nothing happened to you? -No, it just crashed to the ground
-Lucky you, 'cause by a few millimetres it would cut your leg.
Did you know that in the 70's all shower stalls were made of glass? And the glass
wasn't tempered.
And then people had sex in the shower, and then people slipped and broke the glass.
Then people were split in half.
-Are you serious?
- So if you live in the 70's, do not have sex in the shower.
-And also don't take this thing inside, because it's not cool.
- By the way, do not have sex at all, because Jesus disapproves it
- Dude, I'm afraid this will hurt me. Get out! Out!
So, let me tell them what you do, so you will become famous
- Up here - My brother is a store designer. Right?
He works with Visual Merchandising. He's really good at it, he laughs, has a
lot of clients, but he wants more, he wants to "win the world'
So if you have a store, but not a poor store.
- It has to be store for rich people -Yeah, a store for rich people
If you have a store in a mall, or elsewhere, hire Beto Siqueira
He has a company called "Vitesse VM", that will make you rich and will broke your shower stall.
What was I talking about? Kids? Oh, I see faces in all things...
I see faces in cars. I don't know if it is just me, or everybody...
I always thought it was just me. It's kind of my superpower
I can see faces in cars.
The windshield is the eyes, or the forehead, depends on the car
The hood is like the nose. And the flashlights, and that thing between them, that I forgot the name,
is like the mouth.
Cars usually smile. Oh, and depending on the way I look, the flashlights can be the eyes.
So, for me, every car also have its own personality.
For example, "Fiat Uno" is the most smiling cars of all.
And all of these new cars, rich people's cars, that all look like batmobile, has japanese faces.
The "Beetle" is kind of a scared guy, like this:
And when I look at those very tall buildings, you know?
For me they are all giant robots, that moved when we aren't looking
My mom brought my this. It's like a "dan top", but fake
It costs 8 reals (USS 5), and the box comes with 100.
When I was a kid, in "Seu Nivaldo's Bar", this was called "Black ***"
What's kind of a offensive name to use nowadays
I used to get embarrassed to go to the bar and ask: "Don't you wanna give me a black ***?"
I don't have anything against "black ***"
Afro american... ***...
By the way, a lot of kid stuff had nonsense names. I don't know if formerly things were more innocent.
We played "Pega-Pega" (Nail-Nail), "Duro ou Mole" (Hard or soft),
There was that thing on the playground "Trepa-Trepa"(Hump-Hump)
I wonder how it would be if it was in USA. If a school had a "Trepa-Trepa",
they would be sued accused of ***.
By the way, this double meaning thing suck. People are obsessed about sex.
Everything is a reason to make a joke about a *** position or organ.
I think that people who can have sex should just have it and shut the *** up.
And people who want to, should try to have sex. And people who don't, can play
videogame, for example.
Sex is like a taboo, looks like people are forbidden to talk about it.
I don't talk too much about it, because I guess it's unnecessary, specially in my videos.
If you want to see sex you can go to "porntube.com" or any other *** site you like.
Everyone had sex. You were born 'cause your parents had sex. Your parents were born
'cause your grandparents had sex.And they were born 'cause your great-grandparents had sex.
And do not think they had it in a way that Jesus approves, you know... They must have done all things they wanted
The important thing is not to think about it, 'cause it cause some psychological problems.
I think that the problem of people with sex is that, eventually, they'll think about their parents doing it.
And you'd *better not* think about it.
And that's not so impressionant: Everybody did it, everybody does, and will keep doing.
So you don't have to be desperate when people talk about it.For me, sex is not a problem.
Unless you have AIDS, and everybody: "Have sex... I'll talk about sex..."
Everybody had sex. Your mom had sex. Your grandmom had sex. Even Jesus's mom had sex.
And before you tell me that Jesus's father is the holy spirit, or God, if you wanna believe, do it...
Then you'll have to live with the fact that Jesus's mom had sex with a white dove.
So I rather belive that the Messiah was born because of two human beings.
Translated by @GabrielKafer
The only mammal that was born on a sexless way is Lola
Lola is a tiny dog, really cute, and doesn't need this kind of thing.
She was born through a pterodactyl egg.
That got this egg by killing all white doves from GTA IV.
The egg was an achievement.
Then Lola was born.