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Thank you for giving blood.
Thank you for giving
Ah, hello, Binky and Samantha.
Hello.
Fat Cat Tory ***!
Fat Cat Tory ***!
Ow!
There are a couple of reasons why,
erm people are losing their faith
in politics, and they're both
councillor Patricia David.
So when you're, er, committing your
scribbles to the chip paper
Oh, there's Councillor Patricia
David now trying to sneak in!
Do you have a response to the news
that your council office
has given developers permission to
build luxury flats
on the site of a nursery school?
Can I have a response to the news?
Yeah. Erm. What I could say is that
I
What I could said is that I don't,
like
sprinkles or hundreds and
thousands
what you get on a trifle or a
pudding.
Get to the point, David!
What we need is trifle, if trifle is
housing!
And we need housing, we don't need
hundreds and thousands.
Are you saying that the nursery
schools
are the hundreds and thousands?
Possibly. Yes.
OK and opposed Labour Minister Klive
Richards, what do you make of that?
Patricia David is a disgrace and
should resign immediately.
And anything to add?
Fat Cat Tory ***! What he said!
Resign, David! Resign! Do, the
right, thing!
Excuse me, excuse me.
Patricia?
Panic attack.
Kim Chung. Louise O'Reilly.
Fairy Cake? Oh, yeah
Typical of me to get interviewed by
the press on my first day.
Is it? These are lovely
Interviewed? Kim in full flow, on
TV, on my first day.
Luckily I've just been on a media
training course
as part of my politics doctorate.
Which, by some ridiculous fluke,
I managed to get some sort of double
distinction for.
Ridiculous.
Are you OK?
I'd like to see John in my office,
please,
and bring in the biscuit tin.
He's on his statutory ten minute
break.
OK, well
Your ten o'clock's here, Patricia.
Reschedule for 11, please.
I've bumped them from nine.
Well, there we are, then.
Can I have a response to the
news?
I don't like sprinkles or hundreds
and thousands
Councillor David was rambling and
incoherent.
Kim Chung, newly appointed head of
Community Relations,
had this to say.
This community needs homes for the
weak and vulnerable.
Housing, housing, housing.
Press conference in fifteen minutes.
Fat Cat Tory ***!
To whom it may concern, there has
been some kind of a misunderstanding,
I have not now, nor have I ever,
requested priority disabled housing
for myself.
I can only assume the mistake has
been made somewhere in your office.
Could it have been David Patricia?
Please remove all record of me.
I'm busy!
You didn't get one earlier.
Hello, hello. Trying to win some
friends.
Erm
We've got a press conference in ten
minutes.
Do you want to go over anything?
Right. Erm we've got a tin here.
Simply put, biscuit tin for shared
snacks.
Louise likes digestives, John likes
custard creams, I like Hobnobs.
It's pretty straight forward.
You know I feel awful actually, just
jumping down your throat
on your first day about something so
trivial. You know, forget it.
You know actually, what I will
say,
Kim, is don't assume that we haven't
thought these things through.
Yeah? There are no fairy cakes in
this office
because they don't fit in this tin.
It's not complicated.
Why don't you get a bigger tin?
Thanks, Kimmy!
Yep, don't forget your cakes.
I successfully sued Duncan from Blue
after I was refused a plus one
for one of his concerts.
Yes, that was me.
Yes, I agree. In many ways it was
the beginning of the end for him.
Oh, hello, John.
Just doing exercises from my doctor
For your? Hernia. I do this one
for my back.
You wanna keep your pelvis tucked
under when you do it, John.
Best to tuck it under. That's it,
that's better.
Tuck it under.
Tuck it right under.
it looks.
I need a plus one because I'm in a
wheelchair.
Because I'm in a wheelchair.
So nursery schools nursery
schools.
You know, my mother was single,
Patricia.
Was she?
She worked six jobs.
What, at the same time or?
She worked shifts. Yes, of course
she did, course she did.
She couldn't afford to send me to
nursery,
if I was lucky I'd go with her and
do the skirtings and the floors.
Oh, yes, I remember.
Mucking out with my mother, you
know,
up at six, across the paddock,
polishing the tack.
I'll never forget the pride I felt
putting that 25 pence
into my piggy bank at the end of
every month.
But, you know, the real prize wasn't
the Scalextric Grand Prix
I bought with my pennies after ten
years of saving.
The prize
was the work ethic, Patricia.
You want something you earn it.
Shall I try this in a different
intonation?
Because I am in a wheelchair.
It doesn't matter whether I can walk
or not.
I use a wheelchair.
When everyone else was stuffing
themselves with coconut mushrooms,
I was sucking on a broken biscuit
and dreaming of being Graham Hill.
What is a erm Scalextric, John?
It's an electrical, circular
racing track
where the cars go
round and round.
Fascinating.
Er so, press conference.
Yeah. In five minutes, you ready?
News just in - we have reports
of a five car pile up
at Clapham Junction.
Currently there is one fatality
with several more people seriously
injured.
The crash was caused when a driver
swerved to avoid a cyclist.
I think it's time to face the music.
Right.
I've already spoken to your
colleague about this,
so I'm unsure why I'm speaking to
you, really.
Behind the line!
I can't attend the One Direction
concert without a plus one.
Ah, Patricia, we
Kim.
So I have the plus one? Thanks so
much.
Resign! Resign!
Priorities. Making them.
I'm about to make the ultimate
sacrifice,
which is what I am about to do.
There's been a terrible car pile-up,
which is very, very sad.
I'm afraid nurseries and housing is
going to have to wait.
I'm a platinum card blood donor,
and my services are required in
saving the lives of constituents
and I prioritise life,
so I leave you in the capable
hands of my colleague Kim Chung.
What about the nursery?
What about the nursery?!
Are you or are you not knocking down
this nursery?
That is a fantastic question. I'm so
glad you asked.
Taxi!