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I'm leaving.
- ***.
Take a taxi.
- Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Showtime.
- Muah.
- Have fun.
Two hours.
Don't waste it.
***, flick, grub.
Go!
- Hey, honey.
You going
to be okay on your own?
- Oh, yeah, I'll be fine.
Once I move
your lady magazines
And get my workout on.
- Okay.
- All right, bye, baby.
♪
come on.
All right.
Let's do it.
I did not know
they broke up.
- Nothing wrong with that.
- Wine.
No, beer.
Sandwich.
Apocalypse now.
Pizza.
Pay-per-view ***.
Scotch!
- Awesome banker.
Beatles at Shea stadium.
Dave.
- Wow.
What are you doing
at the beach, girl?
- ***.
Firecrackers.
Sportscenter.
French fries.
Weed.
Van Halen.
- Hey, babe.
- Thank god you're home.
♪
- the secret
to the life you wanted ♪
it's all true ♪
someone's got to do it ♪
now we have
the facets working ♪
we've got through ♪
all we need is you ♪
- It's on us, y'all.
- What? The hell it is.
What is wrong with you?
You spend our money like you're
in a rap video.
- Half of it is mine
and if I want to make it rain,
I will make it rain.
- Oh, girl power.
Can I get a what what? ♪
- what what? ♪
- you got to stop the spending.
You're out of control.
You're like Dave
with his eating.
- Huh?
- The way you plowed
through that steak
Fork down between bites,
bro.
- I didn't even finish
that whole thing.
- Yeah.
Leaving behind
the steamed broccoli
Showed great restraint.
- Come on, man.
- Speaking of which,
Did you get your cholesterol
results back?
- Uh, uh, I did.
They were--
you know Dr.
Sullivan.
He's a bit of a hysteric.
- Really?
Because he was great with me
With my psychosomatic
epstein-barr,
Which is the most dangerous kind
because it resides solely
In the mind.
What is the ldl number?
Uh, 175.
- Oh, my god.
- Dave.
- Guys, I really don't know
if this is a huge deal.
- It is.
Your heart's gonna explode.
You're gonna make my sister
a widow
And I don't want leigh
to see that.
- You know what,
if I'm such a huge mess,
Why can I, from a standing
position mind you,
Jump onto this table
right now?
- Table jump?
We got a table jump!
- Oh! Are we doing
drunk sports Stu?
'cause I can do a flip.
- Everybody sit down.
What, is this
a white-trash-off?
Sorry.
- You know, Dave,
You seem to have a lot
of pent-upMan energy.
- I do?
- We have a place
For gentlemen to go
to release that energy.
I'm talking about
Drum roll please
- The man cave.
Are your eyes closed?
- No.
- Okay, now open them.
Boom.
How sweet is this?
- Oh, cool, dude.
- It's like man narnia.
Step through
the looking glass.
- Actually, I think
it's a wardrobe, big guy.
- Didn't know that one.
I was too busy playing sports
and getting laid in high school.
That's the kind of smack
that's gonna fly around here.
Rex draws first blood.
- So, uh, how'd you get leigh
to agree to this?
- Agree to it?
She suggested it.
- I put the international
beers here.
The spittoon there.
And I think it's naughtier
If we hide the german ***.
- Straight sword
or samurai?
- Samurai.
Bundeslag?
Your wife bought that?
- She read an article
that said men need a place
To be men so we built
this man cave for us men.
And, of course,
Vance, you're welcome too.
Boom! Two for Rex.
Hey, guys, remember edward
forty hands?
- Why were our shirts off?
- 'cause it's awesome.
Guys, let's lose
these yuppie straightjackets
And call in sick.
Who's tapin' up?
Deja vu, ***.
- Well, the girls are outside
waiting for us I think so
- And it's Tuesday
and we're 30.
- Not in here.
In here it's Saturday
and we're 18!
- Night, buddy.
Table jump achieved.
- Didn't ask for it.
I can't believe your cholesterol
is that high.
What did the doctor say?
- He said there's nothing
I can do about it.
- Well, what about changing
your diet?
- Well, except for that.
Did you not just see
the table jump?
- Okay, listen, ***,
I love you.
And I need to wring,
like, 60 more good years
Out of you.
When you screw
with your health,
You screw with me.
- Well, you listen to me,
***
I love you and I don't
want you to worry about me.
So, yes, I will watch
what I eat.
- Good.
- All right.
that's my bacon.
I'll go tell him
the bad news.
- Can I just, like, hold
one of your bags
So I feel
like I'm shopping?
Oh, that's the stuff.
- But why don't you just buy
something
For yourself?
Like these shoes.
- I promised Vance
I would cut back.
You don't understand.
I can't buy just one thing.
I'm compulsive.
look what I bought.
- Did you at least get
the tennis balls?
- Amy, you and I
are first generation americans.
- Actually,
I'm from Louisiana.
- We need to act
like we belong here.
Buy big or go home.
I saw this one first.
And then I saw these.
This one's coming with me.
Ma'am, can I get
a dressing room?
- All right, let's give this
another shot.
Last time, less than strong.
Hopefully tonight you guys got
your "a" cave game.
How's your snack jones?
Can I get you a soft pretzel
with melted cheese?
- What are you doing?
You know Dave's got
no self-control.
- Yes.
Dave's a train wreck.
A slave to his simian
appetites.
But once he walks
through that door
I don't even have to finish
that sentence.
- Knock knock.
I'm not looking.
Keep your pants off.
- Why would our pants
be off?
- 'cause it's awesome.
- I thought you guys
might want
Some chex mix and tequila.
- Too cool.
- What?
skin mags?
You boys.
That is out-of-bounds.
- I'm calling it.
This is weird.
- Yo, what do you mean
you're calling it?
- This whole thing
feels forced.
- Yeah.
I feel
an intense pressure
To be classic.
- But you are classic.
We're all classic.
- See you, buddy.
- No.
Yeah, take some--
as much as you want.
This thing's
gonna be going late
If you guys change
your mind.
- They probably just had
to run off and buy some tampons.
- Good smack, babe.
You're on the board.
- It's not
that I don't trust you
To cook healthy for Dave,
it's just--
- You think I don't know how.
- You're a career woman.
And that's valid.
But you're barely at home
And never in the kitchen.
You know,
Dave's a latchkey husband.
- Okay, I need some spinach
for a salad.
you can't buzz spinach.
- Personally, I would go
with kale.
But if you insist on spinach,
At least get a decent bunch.
Look at the leaves.
This is market 101.
Bob, I apologize.
- Okay, Vance,
no one's more worried
About Dave's health
than I am.
- Really? Are you doing
everything you can
To keep him healthy?
How is the sex?
- As always,
none of your business.
- A german medical journal
recently concluded
That sex is an amazing
cardio workout.
- Hmm, Bundeslag is not
a medical journal.
Yeah.
Dave referenced
the same article.
- Hey.
I am counting
on you in the bedroom.
I can't be as vigilant
in that department.
- "as" vigilant?
- The female form
is a powerful tool
When used as a carrot
of distraction.
When Dave reaches
for his beloved chips ahoy!,
Present yourself.
Who knows, you might invite
Im zumsammenhang into your bed.
True intimacy.
Bob, this could be the last time
I come around, man.
This is
It's not acceptable.
- I knew you guys
would come back.
- Heard this is a ace
where anything goes.
- Just a bunch of guys
keeping it real.
Can't really comment.
- I need to hide these bags
from Vance.
- That's a bad idea.
This has become,
like, hang central
For the lesser sex.
- Vance isn't coming back here.
- Why not?
- Because he doesn't get
the man cave.
But I do.
This is a place
where secrets are safe.
- 'cause it doesn't judge.
Should I allow you in?
It's a tough question.
On the pro side, I love
that you're keeping something
From your partner.
That's very cave.
Con--and it's a big one--
you're a girl.
I thought leigh
had dulled this.
I'll do it.
I'll hide the bags.
- Oh, thank you, Rex.
- The cave wants to evolve.
- I love this tune.
- I've had it on repeat
for three hours.
- Can you turn it up?
- I don't know.
Can you join me
in a shot of tequila?
- I don't know.
Can you light it on fire?
Is this chewing tobacco?
- It ain't bubble gum,
sweetheart.
- Okay, so I left you
a big salad in the fridge.
- Aw, thanks.
Although I am stuffed
from that half cup of grapes
That I had for snack.
Come on.
You're late.
Let's go.
- Oh, honey, I wish
I didn't have to go out.
I am so proud
of how you're embracing
This new diet.
- Well, I am proud of you,
honey.
- Hey, Dave.
- Secret pizza?
Really?
- What?
Oh.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I think you have
the wrong house, sir.
- Classic Dave.
I got the usual for you.
Large with onions
and chorizo.
- Chorizo?
- Portuguese sausage.
- Oh, by the way, dude,
I'm gonna be out
of town next week.
My cousin Stu's gonna sub
for me.
Really great guy.
Told him all about you.
- Thank you, Leon.
- Later, Dave.
- Honey,
I went to the market
On my lunch hour.
Vance made me look stupid
in front of farmers.
- Yeah, he can be brutal
around those guys.
- What is wrong with you?
- It is so hard.
I have all these junk food
triggers.
I noticed the Trailblazers game
was on.
Next thing I know,
I'm speed-dialing Leon.
You think that was
an easy moment?
He knows about the diet.
There was judgment in his eyes.
- You know, this is really
just not cool.
- The early stages of a diet
are really, really hard.
The cravings.
I just need something
to get me out
Of the first few days.
- Whew.
- Okay.
- Pizza craving's gone.
- Good.
- You know, uh, sex always
makes me wantCookies.
- Yep.
Okay.
♪
- Oh, I love it
when you do the feet.
- Not now.
They have to dry.
- I got you something.
- Why?
- 'cause I love you, dummy.
And I know you've been
trying hard
Not to spend money.
- Really?
Oh.
- It's for all your bling
when we get rich.
Got it at an estate sale.
- It's ivory.
- I know how much
You hate elephants.
- I do.
- God, egg whites make me want
to have hash browns.
Tacos.
Mm-hmm.
- Ah.
Ah.
Oh, my god.
This thing is so good.
You want half?
- It's cool
if you want to use the office.
- Working late.
- I biked home.
I am so tired.
I just want a bath.
- I just saw an ad
for waffles.
Room for two in that tub?
- Oh, honey, no thanks.
- There's--there's a hockey game
on tv,
So total nacho trigger.
- Honey, I'm disgusting.
I smell.
There's bugs in my hair.
- It's just a nacho craving.
It's not like I want
a gourmet meal or anything.
You have my permission
to half-*** it.
- Thus concludes
the worst seduction ever.
I am taking a bath
and I am going to bed.
- Vance did something sweet
So I have to return
those clothes.
Where did I put them though?
Things got a little hazy
the other night.
♪
- Your stuff's
in the closet but
- Wow.
- Please don't tell Julia.
- I'm out of here.
- Me too.
- What's the rush?
The only thing waiting at home
are rules and judgments.
Embrace this place, guys.
- Embrace it.
- Embrace it.
- I might just have one more
for the road.
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, how did you know
it was wintergreen?
That's the one
that I like.
Bam.
- There we go.
Yeah!
- Rehearsal dinner.
But the shoes
Not so great
for rehearsal dinner.
- Don't you dare
return those.
I promise you,
you will wear them.
- Ten more.
- we'll fly away ♪
every night we'll fly ♪
away ♪
- Oh, my god.
Nachos.
New dress.
New shoes.
And you're dipping again?
- I woke up
and you weren't there.
- Yeah, she called me at 11:15
to tell me you're missing.
That's really fun.
I was half out of my mind.
- Did you even notice
that I was gone?
- It's getting a little
coed in here.
- You know what, it's fine
'cause I'm leaving.
- No.
No, don't go, sis.
The man cave doesn't want to be
gender-specific.
It just wants to be cave.
- Ah.
What a mind.
- This is a betrayal dagger
through my heart.
- I can't help it.
I have issues with money.
Growing up, my dad
could never hold down a job.
Whenever we had money,
mom said, "spend it, girls.
Spend it.
Who knows
if we'll ever have it again.
"
- her father
worked at con ed for 30 years.
- I love these shoes.
- You are making me
into a nag,
Which goes completely
against
My artistic temperament.
I am in real estate.
I am not going to be
the Julia in this relationship.
- I am not going to be the Julia
of this relationship.
- Whoa.
I am not a nag.
- Yeah.
- Dave?
- Uh, yeah.
I was going to jump in.
Don't confuse
loud and opinionated
With nagging.
- Really?
That's the thanks I get?
I gave you sex
outside of a mail boxes, etc.
Because something smelled
like chinese food.
Dave, I don't want to be
the only adult
In this relationship.
- That's frustrating, sis.
- Honey, I am as worried
about my health as you are.
I really am.
I just--it's all--
I used to be this guy.
I could eat
whatever I wanted.
And one day I wake up
and I'm--
I can't eat butter.
I can't eat cookies or pizzas.
I'm--I'm--I'm like my dad.
- You're getting older
and it's scary.
- Yeah.
I wish I young again.
It was so easy back then.
It was just fun.
- Bet you're not
the only one
Who feels that way.
- Yeah, I miss staying up
all night
And blowing off classes.
- I miss driving down
to the shore
And night swimming.
- Spreading rumors
about people you hate
Being pregnant.
- It is exhausting
being responsible.
- Don't you just want
a night off?
Subconsciously,
isn't that why we all came here?
We're in our 30s now,
guys.
How many more chances
do we have to really go off?
- at times
I understand you ♪
and I know how hard
you try ♪
- Oh!
Oh, I love this song!
- Oh, yeah! Yeah!
- Guys, I got it.
Let me do it.
- I am liking this.
I am liking this a lot.
- Shot!
Let's take shots!
Ugh!
- Oh!
- but then the passion
flares again ♪
♪
♪
I want to hold you
till I die ♪
till be both break down
and cry ♪
I want to hold you ♪
till the fear in me
subsides ♪
oh yeah yeah ♪
yeah yeah subsi-- ♪
- please tell me
it's Saturday.
no, honey.
It's a Wednesday.
- oh, yeah?
Oh, my god.
I'm never drinking
that way again.
I'm never eating that way
again.
- Yeah, honey, you got really
out of control last night.
Oh.
- How did this happen?
Why am I wearing this?
Was this some kind of dare?
- Mm-mmm.
No one asked for it.
- People our age cannot handle
a night like that.
- it was a teenage wedding ♪
and the old folks
wished them well ♪
you could see that pierre
did truly love ♪
the mademoiselle ♪
and now the young monsieur
and madame ♪
have rung the chapel bell ♪
c'est la vie
say the old folks ♪
it goes to show
you never can tell ♪
- Time for work.
- Bye, hon.
- Later.