Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
Next to the last idea for you right 25 to 35 percent of the parents of ADHD
children
are ADHD themselves it used to be people
didn't care they didn't ask they didn't want to know or they didn't think it mattered
now we know it matters first of all
it matters that your own ADHD needs to get treated because we studied now the
impact of ADHD
on parents whether they have ADHD children or not
we now has a series of studies particularly the work of Charlotte
Johnston at University of British Columbia
and Andrea Chronis at University of Maryland who have now studied parents who have this
disorder and what it does to their parenting
and you can see the obvious things here greater impulsiveness higher rates have
of expressed emotion
greater rates of disciplining lower rates
of parental monitoring of children all of which increases the risk for
oppositional disorder
in the child so the parent ADHD
needs to be detected and managed not just the child's ADHD
and also more recently it is the best predictor of who fails
in behavioral parent training if the parent themselves has the same disorder
my last admonition to you is one that Leah busque el you wrote about thirty
years ago
in his book for families have retarded an autistic children
in this book this guy a said 10 most important things a family over disabled
youngster can do
is to practice forgiveness and he meant by this four things
you better get good at forgiving yourself
for your mistakes you will make them we all make them
even raising normal children you will make more of them BS ADHD children know
just how to push your buttons to get you to do things you'll regret
so you better get good at forgiving yourself those mistakes and if Julie
Harris is correct you don't matter anyway
you not as important as you thought you were
so relax a little bit it's okay you know what really matters asthma scalia said
you try to get it right the next time it's not did you make the mistake
it's what you gonna do about it tomorrow to make sure that it doesn't happen
again
at a very important ideas one other things that I think
arm that will be very helpful in helping you to do this
I is to step back to that principle about being a shepherd
you're not an engineer so it matters what you do but it doesn't matter that
much what you do
and I find it's better if you have the shepherds you because you start to look
at your children in a very different light
as things to be enjoyed and celebrated and cherish for their uniqueness
as opposed to being mounds have claimed that you can sculpt into whatever you
choose to do
he just don't have that kind of power the second
area of forgiveness is that if your child this is harder
okay this is harder because resentment can build up the mistakes are there the
misbehavior there you are being given
misbehavior 20 course happen but you have to deal with
you have had to step up to the plate and become your child's frontal lobes
it's not easy it is exhausting and there's a tendency among some parents to
allow a certain amount of with gentleness to creep into this
I wish that you had a different child a better child a normal child
and boy that is just one step away from just to find child abuse
the idea that your child may be doing this intentionally
is one of the sources are present on us so you better get good for giving these
kids their mistakes they make a lot of them
so here's a couple suggestions that parents have told me about their work
for them and I love these ideas and I put him in my parents book
number one at the end up the day
after dinner when you're having your coffee or your cognac or whatever
want you to take out a sheet of paper I want to write down
all the problems you had with this kid today right amado
every one of them alright exorcise your demons
get him down on the paper and want to go to the sink take a match in like him
much to burn em all up there they go gone
you have now perform the ritual ex-assistant the demons are gone the day
is over
let gate goal aren't
the second thing when the parents taught me that she found was so useful
is after your child has fallen asleep go upstairs
said on the floor in a yoga position you know
and watch your child sleep
just breathe in and out and watch there's nothing more
innocent and watching a young child sleep
enough dot doesn't renew your batteries and restore your balance to your view of
your child I'm not sure what will
maybe a glass of wine while you're watching the child with
but whatever it takes to let these goal
and to try to get better tomorrow that's what really matters
not the mistakes you make and the same applies to your partner your spouse
don't get all upset because they're not doing a quite the way you want it done
or vice versa and then of course the last one is the one you're all here for
I hope as well
and that is to learn more about ADHD but in learning you realize that the public
doesn't understand this disorder the way we do
that they are ignorant but this disorder and its causes
so you better get good for giving other people who Claire
at you in Walmart because your child is a handful
who stare at you in the Outback restaurant
who look at you as if this is your fault my sister-in-law
as an ADHD son this is my nephew damn
one time she was in target in an older woman came over to her and said
why don't you control your child you know this is all your fault
if young parents like you would just take this bull by the horns and
discipline these kids for
we wouldn't be having this from and she followed my sister-in-law
out the car out to the to the car at the car stood there yelling at her washy
locked her door and she was in cheers over this
now that's an extreme example but don't tell me this can happen
most if you have had these looks thrown at you
about your child and sometimes it goes up a notch
so you better get a thick skin about the public that doesn't understand this
disorder
now there's a cognitive therapy technique that you can use
while you're looking at these people you can be saying in your mind
what it to your porch face
but I don't want you to say it Oklahoma
right this is just cognitive therapy
you're a new two-year you don't know what you're talking about if you in 10
these kids
walk a mile in my shoes but just shut up drive on
get on with your life but you better get good for giving the public the
misunderstanding
because boy do they misunderstand this disorder
I'll hang around for a few questions but I hope you enjoyed the 30 things
families need to understand