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WELL, FIRST OF ALL, JUST TO BE
MARRIED AND TO HAVE THIS UNION,
A CELEBRATION OF YOUR LOVE.
TO GO OFF AND DO SOME SECRETIVE
THING, I THOUGHT, WAS
INAPPROPRIATE.
PLUS --
>> Conan: ■■U ARE SO MISSING
THE POINT, MY FRIEND.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> BUT, I CONTINUE HERE.
PLUS, YOU CAN GET AWAY
WITH SO MUCH MORE, 'CAUSE
YOU THROW IT TOGETHER, AND THEN
YOU HIRE THE STRIPPERS
AND THE DANCERS, AND YOU HAVE
THE POLE IN YOUR ROOM --
>> Conan: BUT SHE'S RIGHT THERE.
YOU HAVE TO ■■ THERE AND GO,
OOH, OOH.
>> LET ME TELL YOU, SHE WOULD
MUCH RATHER BE IN MY PRESENCE
WHEN WE HAVE A SOIREE AND SUCH,
RATHER THAN LIKE, ME SNEAKING
OFF AND GOING "OH, I JUST PLAYED
POKER WITH THE GUYS."
>> Conan: RIGHT, RIGHT.
AND THEN YOU COME BACK
WITH UNDERWEAR ON YOUR HEAD.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> NO, I STILL DID THAT.
>> Conan: NOW, THIS WAS IN LAS
VEGAS, BUT YOU HAD THE EVENT --
>> LAS VEGAS, WE WENT
TO THE HARD ROCK HOTEL,
AND THEY HAVE A SUITE UP THERE
WHICH ACTUALLY HAS A BOWLING
ALLEY IN IT, WHICH IS PRETTY
INTERESTING BECAUSE --
>> Conan: YOU DON'T WANT TO BE
NEXT TO THAT SUITE, I'M
GUESSING.
>> NO, PROBABLY NOT.
NOT A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP.
BUT, HERE'S THE THING,
I THOUGHT, "THIS IS MY CHANCE
TO SHINE.
MY WIFE'S HERE, IT'S ALL GOOD.
WE GOT STRIPPERS AND A FUN SHOW.
I'M REALLY GOING TO SET IT OFF."
>> Conan: I LOVE THAT, I CAN'T
GET USED TO THAT.
"THIS IS GREAT, I GOT MY WIFE,
WE GOT THE STRIPPERS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WE'RE ALL SET TO GO."
>> ONE WOULD THINK IT'S GOOD,
EXCEPT FOR SOME REASON, WHEN
STRIPPERS GET AROUND MY WIFE,
I TURN COMPLETELY INVISIBLE.
>> Conan: THAT'S BECAUSE
THEY ALL WANT TO TALK TO HER?
>> THEY ALL WANT TO TALK
TO CARMEN, SO YOU KNOW WHAT
I DID?
I WAS BOWLING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Conan: RIGHT, THAT'S GREAT.
THE STRIPPERS WERE IN THE CORNER
WITH YOUR WIFE, AND YOU'RE
BOWLING ALONE.
>> YOU'RE A MARRIED GUY, TELL ME
ABOUT YOUR BACHELOR PARTY.
'CAUSE YOU OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T
DO --
>> Conan: MY BACHELOR PARTY WAS,
AND I'M BEING COMPLETELY HONEST
HERE, I GOT MARRIED IN SEATTLE.
FLEW OUT TO SEATTLE, WE HAD
TO DO THE SHOW TWO NIGHTS
BEFORE, SO I WENT OUT
TO A RESTAURANT WITH MY FRIENDS,
AND I WAS SO TIRED, 'CAUSE WE'D
BEEN WORKING REALLY HARD, THAT
WE ATE SOME STEAKS, AND I SAID
"OKAY, LET'S GO TO THE BAR
AND HAVE A DRINK."
AND I HAD HALF A DRINK,
AND I SAID "I GOT TO GO
TO SLEEP."
>> MY POINT EXACTLY.
>> Conan: AND I WENT TO SLEEP,
'CAUSE I WAS JUST SO EXHAUSTED.
SO THAT WAS MY CRAZY BACHELOR
PARTY.
>> THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.
AT LEAST I WENT BOWLING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Conan: NO, YOUR BOWLING ALONE
IS STILL 50 TIMES BETTER THAN
WHAT I DID.
>> I WAS BOWLING, AND THERE WAS,
YOU KNOW, IN THE PERIPHERY,
I COULD SEE STRIPPERS DOING
CRAZY STUFF WITH MY WIFE, SO IT
WAS ALL GOOD.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Conan: RIGHT, THAT'S GREAT.
WELL, BEFORE I WENT TO SLEEP,
I WATCHED SHOWTIME.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT IT WAS NOTHING.
>> IF IT WAS "AFTER DARK," IT
WAS KIND OF SIMILAR.
>> Conan: IT WASN'T, NO.
I FORGET WHAT IT WAS, BUT IT WAS
A MOVIE ABOUT PONIES
OR SOMETHING.
>> YEAH, NOT GOOD.
>> Conan: DEPRESSING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> NOT GOOD.
>> Conan: NOW, I HOPE I'M NOT
BEING TOO PERSONAL, HERE,
BUT THIS HAS BEEN DISCUSSED
IN THE PRESS.
>> OKAY.
>> Conan: OKAY, HERE WE GO.
CARMEN SAYS THAT YOU TOOK ***
ON YOUR WEDDING NIGHT.
>> THAT IS TRUE.
>> Conan: IT'S CARMEN ELECTRA!
>> I KNOW.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I KNOW.
LET ME EXPLAIN TO YOU.
PUT THIS TO REST.
■■LAUGHTER ]
HERE'S THE THING, BABY.
>> Conan: THESE ARE CALLED
REDUNDANT SYSTEMS, IS WHAT I'M
SAYING.
>> I KNOW, I UNDERSTAND THAT.
ON PAPER, IT LOOKS LIKE THAT,
BUT LET ME EXPLAIN.
ONCE AGAIN, I GOT TO BACKPEDAL
HERE A LITTLE BIT.
FIRST OF ALL, AS A WEDDING GIFT,
MY DOCTOR GAVE US A STARTER PACK
OF ***.
LIKE, "HEY, OKAY."
>> Conan: WHO IS THIS DOCTOR,
FIRST OF ALL?
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
PUT IT THIS WAY, I STOPPED DOING
DRUGS A LONG TIME AGO, SO THIS
IS MY WAY OF REALLY, YOU KNOW,
TEARING OFF THE NEW SEASON
WITH MY MARRIAGE.
"A LITTLE BLUE LOVE,"
AS WE CALL IT.
>> Conan: BLUE LOVE?
>> BLUE LOVE.
>> Conan: IT'S CALLED BLUE LOVE?
>> WELL, THEY'RE BLUE AND,
YOU KNOW, THEY ENHANCE THE LOVE.
>> Conan: SOUNDS LIKE A "SMURF"
***, TO ME.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT THAT'S ME.
>> I'D RATHER HE GAVE ME THAT,
ACTUALLY.
>> Conan: YEAH, DID YOU SEE
THE "SMURF" ***?
>> THAT'S GOOD.
>> Conan: THOSE GUYS ARE CRAZY.
>> I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED.
YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED,
AND SO THE MARRIAGE, THE UNION,
IS WONDERFUL.
WHEN YOU'RE STANDING THERE
EXCHANGING A VOW, THAT'S REALLY
IMPORTANT.
BUT THE REST OF THE NIGHT,
YOU'RE A HOST.
YOU DON'T SIT DOWN, YOU DON'T
EAT.
>> Conan: YOU WORK
AT YOUR WEDDING.
>> YOU'RE WORKING.
SO YOU GET TO YOUR ROOM AT 2:00,
3:00 IN THE MORNING, YOU'RE
EXHAUSTED.
AT LEAST WE WERE, 'CAUSE WE HAD
A BIG WEDDING AND A LOT
OF PEOPLE AND MAYBE WE GOT
A DANCE AND I DIDN'T SEE
HER FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT.
SO, BY THE TIME WE GOT
TO OUR ROOM, IT WAS LIKE 3:00 IN
THE MORN■■G, AND I JUST FIGURED,
YOU KNOW, "HEY, DOCTOR HOOKED US
UP, WILD NIGHT, LET'S MAKE THIS
HAPPEN."
>> Conan: LET'S MAKE THIS
HAPPEN, IN A SPECIFIC TIME TABLE
WITH THE BLUE LOVE.
>> YES, SO WHAT ENDED UP
HAPPENING WAS, I TOOK THE BLUE
LOVE, WE WENT --
>> Conan: ■■AH, WE KNOW WHAT
HAPPENED!
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YOU KNOW, WE --
>> Conan: THIS IS
FOR THE HEARING IMPAIRED.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AH, AND THEN MMM.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I WANT YOU TO USE■■HAT
ON FUTURE SHOWS.
>> Conan: I'M GOING TO.■■
I'M GOING TO, YEAH.
>> SO, WHAT ENDED UP HAPPENING
WAS THE LOVEMAKING WAS
ASTONISHING.
WE HAD A GREAT TIME.
AND THEN, FOR THE NEXT EIGHT
HOURS, I HAD THE WORST HEADACHE
I'VE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE.
>> Conan: THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS.
>> AND WE TRIED TO WATCH THE TV,
AND ALL I COULD GET WAS
A DAVID SPADE MOVIE, AND IT
REALLY MADE IT A NIGHTMARISH
EXPERIENCE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Conan: SOUNDS LIKE MY PONY
MOVIE.
MY HALF A DRINK AND A PONY
MOVIE.
IS THAT A SIDE EFFECT OF ***,
YOU GET THE HEADACHE?
>> EVIDENTLY.
I HAVEN'T EXPERIMENTED SINCE.
>> Conan: WELL, LET'S MAKE SURE
WE GET TO THE BOOK.
"DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME."
THIS BOOK, I GUESS THERE'S A LOT
OF FASCINATING PICTURES, 'CAUSE
YOU HAVE A MACHINE --
>> A PHOTO BOOTH.
>> Conan: -- A PHOTO BOOTH
IN YOUR HOUSE, AND THERE'S A LOT
OF GREAT, AMAZING, COOL CANDID
PHOTOS OF PEOPLE IN THE BOOK.
BUT, ONE OF THE NICE THINGS
ABOUT THIS BOOK IS THAT YOU DO
NOT MAKE A PROFIT ON THIS BOOK,
IS THAT RIGHT?
>> NO, I DON'T.
ACTUALLY, THAT'S MY BOOK -- IT'S
ABOUT MY EXPERIENCES WITH DRUG
ADDICTION AND COMING OUT OF IT
AND FINDING REAL JOY IN MY LIFE■
REAL INNER PEACE.
THE PROCEEDS OF THAT BOOK GO
AN ORGANIZATION CALLED
THE MUSICIANS' ASSISTANCE
PROGRAM, WHICH IS
AN ORGANIZATION THAT HELPS FUND
TREATMENT FOR STRUGGLING
ADDICTS.
>> Conan: COOL.
THAT'S A GOOD THING.
[ APPLAUSE ]
WELL, "DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME"
IS AVAILABLE NOW, AND VERY NICE
TO HAVE YOU ON THE SHOW.
PLEASE COME BACK.
DAVE NAVARRO.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH INTERPOL ON THE SHOW.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪♪