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Sergio Ramos presents his biography
"Well, good evening and welcome. I've called you to introduce my book.
This is my book and these are the reporters. Reporters, let me introduce my book to you.
Well, following the introductions, it's time for questions.
Yes, I've got one. Why does Mourinho have it in for me?
Ah, you should know it...
Ah, alright. I use to get confused. You ask me questions.
Let's go, first question." "Me! When did you decide to write an autobiographical book?"
"Dude, I haven't understood a thing. Ask me an easier question." "So, could you describe the book?"
"Yeah, that's a good question. You've done it well.
It's very simple. The book is about a span long. It's a bit thick. It's got many letters, I'm not lying at all.
I'm on the cover. Of course, since the book is about me...
How is it going to appear another person, right?" "No, I mean that if you could tell us what the book is about."
"I've got no idea, dude. I haven't read it." "But the book is yours."
"I already know it, but I'm waiting for the movie version." "But the book says..."
"Hey, don't tell me!" "But you should explain that..."
"No, don't explain anything either!" "But..."
"No, I don't wanna know it!" "But it's about your life!"
"Oh, damn it! This smart *** has spoiled it for me! Well done. Very well. Congratulations.
Would you like it if I told you what's going on in Madrid's locker room before you wrote it, eh? Would you like it?
Would you like to know that the locker room is a powder keg, eh? No, don't interrupt me, eh!
Would you like to know that all the players think Mourinho is a fool? You wouldn't like it, would you? Of course not. You wouldn't be pleased.
So listen, tough ***! *** you! There's no exclusive story! You idiot...
"Let's go to the newsroom quickly before someone gets ahead of us." "Go on...!
Well... Listen, I'm very calm because I've written a book and it only remains to plant a child and to have a tree.
Or not...
Mmmm... No, it was to write a child... No, you take a child, dig a hole, and plant him.
No! It was to write to a child, 'Dear child, do you want me to plant a tree for you?' But it doesn't sound well.
Well, at least I've got the book. If you want, I can plant it and tell your child."