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WOMAN: So we have your CPT56, a number of charitable receipts,
and your GST74s.
And that's good.
But I-I still don't see those T4As.
Miss Fanshaw?
You know, I haven't been this intimate with anyone in years.
Oh. I'm sorry.
Don't pity me. Miss Picky. Miss Perfect.
You sit there at your desk, thinking,
"Why doesn't she get a real job?
Why isn't she in a relationship?"
I had sex with my brother-in-law.
Is that what you wanted to hear?
I don't even like him. He wears Old Spice.
But he called me an idiot, and I can't stand criticism.
You had sex with your sister's --
Look, I know what you're gonna say.
I've been very irresponsible up until now.
I don't plan. I just react.
I know that.
You know what I think it is, what I'm afraid of deep down?
That if I start being responsible,
I'll stop being an artist.
Isn't that ridiculous?
Ellen, we have to wrap this up.
I am through with who I am right now.
I hate who I am right now.
-I'm taking control of my life. -Good.
Well, um, we have to stop.
Stop? What do you mean, stop?
Well, I'm sorry, but if I can't complete your audit
within the mandated time period,
I'm required to impose a settlement.
So soon?
But I think we're making progress here.
Yes, we are.
Do you think we could move to an hour-and-a-half session?
[ Piano plays intro to "Mackers" ]
♫ Call me superstitious or cowardly or weak ♫
♫ But I'll never play a character ♫
♫ Whose name one dare not speak ♫
♫ I'll play Hamlet in doublet and hose ♫
♫ Or either of the Dromios ♫
♫ But, sorry, I won't play Mackers ♫
♫ I'll play Richard III with a hump and a wig ♫
♫ Or Henry VIII, that selfish pig ♫
♫ But, sorry, I don't do Mackers ♫
♫ Every soul that plays this role ♫
♫ Risks injury or death ♫
♫ I'd rather sweep the bloody stage ♫
♫ Than ever do Mac-you-know-who ♫
♫ So give me King Lear, Cleopatra ♫
♫ Romeo, Juliet -- doesn't "mattra" ♫
♫ I'll play them all for free ♫
♫ But I'd be crackers to take on Mackers ♫
♫ You see, I'm skittish about the Scottish tragedy ♫
♫ Och, aye ♫
[ Cheers and applause ]
Subtitling made possible by RLJ Entertainment
[ Telephone ringing ]
Hello?
Maria.
Hey.
Canceled. Okay.
Yeah, no problem.
Patrick?
No. I-I don't know where he wa-- where he is.
I, uh -- I wasn't at the bar last night, so...
Okay.
Bye.
-Patrick. -[ Groans softly ]
Patrick, wake up.
Rehearsal's canceled. That was Maria.
There's some problem with Macbeth or...
Did Maria know I was here?
No.
Oh, thank God.
Oh, God.
Are you sorry we did it?
No.
Then what? Afraid people will laugh?
I-I know people are gonna laugh.
Was I your first woman?
[ Laughs ]
Yeah.
I was just making it up as I went along.
Got strong improvisational skills, then.
You were pretty good, too, Juliet.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
[ Laughs ]
That's fantastic.
You need to tell me to shut up
or I'll just blab on about myself.
No. I love it.
You're a fantastically complicated character.
-Me? Get out. -No, really.
You seem like a corporate robot sitting behind a desk all day.
Don't take that the wrong way.
-No. -'Cause you're not.
That's my point. Still waters run deep.
[ Laughs ]
Not that deep, I warn you.
I have new scenes.
Would you mind, um...
Oh, no, no, no. No problem.
Okay. It's just the top two, and you can leave the bottom three.
Morning, Anna. Any messages from Sanjay?
I'm sorry. What?
Any messages or faxes from Sanjay?
Uh, no. Henry's agent's been calling, though.
Oh. What does he want?
To sue us, apparently.
He's pretty upset about Henry being fired.
-What? -You -- You didn't hear?
No.
Well, uh, Geoffrey and Henry had a big fight,
and Geoffrey took him out of the show,
and Jerry's going on tonight.
Oh, my God, Anna!
Why didn't you call me about that?!
I did, but you didn't answer.
Jesus Christ!
You can't leave a message, call back?
Where's Geoffrey right now?
Uh, probably still in bed.
I'd try the storage room.
The storage room. Of course. I mean, why not?
The whole world's going nuts, right?
Brian, I'm just gonna let him stew in his own juices
for a little while.
I mean, this is obviously some rather dubious attempt
to assert his crippled little manhood.
No. I'm at home.
Hey, listen, why don't we get together for a beer later on?
All right.
I'll see you then.
[ Banging on door ]
I'm sleeping.
OLIVER: Please!
Geoffrey, for God's sake, we have to talk about this.
You can't shut me out.
You quit, remember?
You washed your hands of the show!
So why don't you just crawl back into your grave?
What? Crawl back into my grave?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Look, if this is about Henry, what's done is done.
And it's better this way.
Jerry knows all the lines. He'll be fine.
Geoffrey, the only reason that we're selling any tickets at all
is because of Henry Breedlove.
He is defying my direction.
He's in another play entirely,
and he's infected the whole cast.
Now, I know you're worried about your job --
Geoffrey, I'm worried about the future of the entire festival.
Now, what is the point of putting on a play
if no one comes to see it?
Which would you prefer -- an empty house with a great play
or a full house with a piece of garbage?
Garbage! Garbage! I want garbage!
Alana, I explained all this.
I can't pick up the kids after rehearsal.
I need time to learn my lines.
Forget about the buttonhole, Mary Anne!
There's no time!
We'll just stitch him into it,
and tell him that he can't pee till after curtain call.
Please, just -- Could you for once in your life --
Yes, it's a big deal!
It's "Macbeth," for crying out loud!
-Ow! -What is it?
Oh, for God's sake, you silly twit!
Jerry, I need to go over your tops and bottoms
before the fight rehearsal.
I-I'll be right there.
I have to go. I love you.
Hello?
-Hey, Jerry, how you doing? -Oh, terrific, Geoffrey.
My wife hates me. But that's nothing new.
Okay, good.
Okay. The moment right after the ***, you come downstairs.
I think he doesn't quite exactly know what to do with his hands.
-Geoffrey. -Too much?
-Yeah. -Yeah, right.
Look, all you really have to do is connect.
Connect?
-I need you to hold still. -Sorry.
-Connect? -With the other actors.
And don't worry about anything else.
You're gonna be living moment to moment.
That's exactly how Macbeth is living.
So just ride with it.
Geoffrey, I think there's something you should know.
What?
Well, these past few months, my wife and I are separating.
We're in couples counseling, and he's siding with her.
It's messy. Anyway...
I wasn't really expecting to go on.
Nobody does.
-I know the soliloquies cold. -Right.
It's the stuff in between I'm not really sure of.
You mean the parts
where you have to talk to other people on the stage?
Yeah.
Oh.
-[ Door opens ] -JEAN: Boots!
Let's hope they fit!
Be still!
***! Sorry.
Sorry.
Okay, uh, let's lose that cape-cloak thing,
and, uh, do it again.
-Geoffrey. -You're late.
Stop this.
-This is a *** match. -Ellen...
You're threatened by Henry,
and you're making the rest of us suffer for it.
I have tried every possible way to get through the Henry.
But I'm at the end of my rope.
There are other actors in this play.
That's my point exactly.
Like me, for instance. This is a *** hard part.
You know, Ellen, I would really love
to continue this tête-à-tête,
but I have a million things to do before tonight!
God, you sound exactly like Oliver.
[ Sighs ]
It's gonna be okay.
Listen, Jerry --
Don't worry. I'll be there for you.
Don't sweat it. I'll cope with whatever you give me.
Just keep the blade away from my eyes, okay?
-Sure. Yeah. -[ Both laugh ]
I don't see why my production has to suffer
because Geoffrey Tennant has another bout of lunacy.
ANNA: I'm sorry.
The understudy has to be put in,
and with the crossover casting, we're stuck.
Your rehearsal is canceled. I'm sorry.
You're sorry. How familiar.
-Hello, Darren. -Lionel.
-Anna. -I have your pages.
[ Sighs ] God.
Um, I-I had a chance to proofread the script,
and I noticed there's a new character.
She's sort of like me, isn't she?
-Which one? -Annette.
Why do you say that?
Well, she's from Winkler.
Her grandfather was a Hutterite.
And she had an accident with a dairy machine.
I...
-I told you that story. -Did you?
I'd forgotten that.
I-I guess it just got under my skin.
I-I can take it out if it bothers you.
Annette just, uh, came to me.
She's innocent and brave
and extremely sexy in this improbable way.
Yeah, she is like you.
Do you mind me using it?
No. I guess you can use it.
But Henry was our draw!
And the numbers are already way down
because of that *** campaign!
Richard, don't do that. Don't go negative, Richard.
My team heard that.
They're working very hard for you.
I'm sorry. I know.
But we are in previews, Sanjay, to half-empty houses!
Half-full houses, Richard.
Don't say that!
Look, Richard, the numbers are down
because your new audience is on a different buying cycle.
What audience?!
Your former subscribers were older.
They planned ahead.
They knew where they were gonna take their vacation next year.
They took their pills on time.
Your new audience is younger.
They're more impulsive. They plan poorly.
Their buying cycle runs very fast.
But when they come, they will come in hoards.
-Trust me. -Hoards?
It'll be a youth-quake, Richard.
-Is your clarinet there? -It's here.
Play something. Feel.
Let your love of music be a balm for your troubled soul.
And while you're doing that, I will do my job.
-All right. -Goodbye, Richard.
[ Beeps ]
[ Footsteps approaching ]
Richard, there are a couple of police officers here.
-They want to talk to you. -Well -- Well, send them in.
Are you in trouble?
No, Anna, I'm not in trouble. Send them in.
Gentlemen, can I help you?
Sorry to interrupt you, but, uh...
Do you know this man?
That's Sanjay Rainier.
I'm sorry -- What name did you say he's using now?
MARIA: Five minutes, Jerry. Break a leg.
GEOFFREY: So Emily is gonna be stage right
just in case you dry.
All you have to do is connect.
-Right. -And, well, keep up the pace.
-Pace. Right. -And, you know, be Macbeth.
Right.
You're gonna be great.
Now, is there anything I can get you?
Do you want water? Puke bucket?
-Fisherman's Friend? -I'll be fine.
If only I didn't have to pee every five minutes.
MARIA: Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to tonight's preview performance of "Macbeth."
I have one announcement to make.
The role of Macbeth, usually played by Henry Breedlove,
will be played by Jerry Appleby.
[ Crowd booing ]
Ah, pbbt!
They're gonna love you. Everybody loves an underdog.
Excuse me.
[ Vomits ]
Hey. Rip my shirt off.
-What? -Just rip it off.
-I can't. -Why?
It'll get wrecked.
That -- That's the point. Just -- Just rip it!
-[ Button clatters ] -Oh, shoot. Where did it go?
Forget about it.
Oh, I think it rolled under the bed.
Forget about the damn button.
I have a -- I have a needle and thread in the bedside cabinet.
-[ Buttons clattering ] -Oh!
I'll need the serger.
Mm!
Places, please.
Places for the top of the show.
Have fun out there.
I'll see you in the wings. Stage left.
Break a leg.
House to half.
House lights out.
And go, witches.
WITCHES: Thrice to thine and thrice to mine
and thrice again, to make up nine.
Peace! The charm's wound up.
-What's my line? -Now!
MARIA: So foul and fair.
So foul and fair. So foul and fair.
[ Whispering ] Foul!
So foul and fair a day I have not seen.
What are these...
...so withered and wild in their attire,
that look not like the inhabitants of the earth,
and yet are on't?
Don't bother gloating.
I've just come to watch the carnage.
***. ***! He just jumped three pages.
Uh, sound cue 17, go.
8:47.
Act one, scene five.
Enter Lady Macbeth.
The stripping scene.
I still think it's a very interesting idea.
Oh, come on, it's a terrible idea, Brian.
It's unplayable.
Did you ever try it?
Why waste everyone's time on an idea that I know is worthless?
Where are you going?
I'm off to see the naked Macbeth.
Are you coming?
Are you mad? I want nothing to do with it.
Henry, you're a good actor,
but you're in danger of becoming a hack,
mired in technique and afraid to try anything new.
Look, the only thing I'm afraid of is looking like an idiot.
Exactly my point. Come.
If it fails, that validates your position, doesn't it?
Or are you afraid it might be good?
We love him highly and will continue our graces towards him.
By your leave, hostess.
[ Applause ]
Don't let him cut any more. I've got a quick change.
-Where is he? -Other side.
Is this a dagger which I see before me?
No!
No!
Too soon!
If it were done when 'tis done,
then 'twere well it were done quickly.
Good lad. He's hanging on, isn't he?
-By the skin of his teeth. -Heh.
...but this blow might be the be-all and the end-all here...
LADY MACBETH: Was the hope drunk wherein you dressed yourself?
Hath it slept since?
And wakes it now, to look so green and pale
at what it did so freely?
From this time such I account thy love.
Art thou afeard to be the same in thine own act and valor
as thou art in desire?
Wouldst thou have that which thou esteem'st
the ornament of life,
and live a coward in thine own esteem,
letting "I dare not" wait upon "I would,"
like the poor cat in the adage?
Prithee, peace!
I dare do all that may become a man.
Who dares do more is none.
What beast was it that made you break this enterprise to me?
The scene doesn't work.
Not unless you believe that Macbeth is a consummate soldier.
He would not be afraid.
I have given suck,
and know how tender 'tis to love the babe that milks me.
She's struggling with him.
It's -- It's embarrassing. It's pathetic.
Will you shut up? That's my husband up there!
Have pluck'd my *** from its boneless gums...
...and dashed his brains out,
had I so sworn as you have done to this!
-If we should fail? -We fail!
But screw your courage to the sticking-place,
and we'll not fail.
That's the play.
ANNA: Oh, Lionel!
[ Both moaning ]
LIONEL: Tell me about Dusty again.
-ANNA: Again? -Yes.
ANNA: Um, w-well, he...
Um, he was with the rodeo.
That-- That's why they called him Dusty.
-LIONEL: W-Was he big? -ANNA: Big?
LIONEL: You know, was he -- was he a big cowboy?
ANNA: Uh, yes, he was a big cowboy.
He was -- [ Laughs ]
I can't believe I'm telling you this.
He was so -- He was like a bull, you know?
LIONEL: Oh, God, that's hot. I'm gonna turn on the lights.
-ANNA: No! Why?! -Because I-I want to see you.
I want to see you naked, spread-eagle on the bed.
ANNA: Uh, please, no.
Y-You don't want to see me like that.
Oh, yes, I do. You're -- You're beautiful.
-Uh, no, I'm not. -Yes, you are.
-No, I'm not. -Yes, you are.
O-Okay, fine, I'm beautiful,
but you're not turning on the light.
LIONEL: You're hurting my hand.
Why won't you let me see you?
ANNA: Please. This is going so well.
LIONEL: But just a flash.
Just give me something [Smooch] work with.
ANNA: Oh...
Okay. Just a flash.
-ANNA: [ Gasps ] -[ Glass breaks ]
Careful. There's broken glass everywhere.
LIONEL: Did any get in the bed?
ANNA: Um, I don't know. Uh, I'll turn on the light.
-What's next? -Upstage left.
"You know your own degrees. Sit down."
-What? -The banquet scene.
-Oh, God. Right. -Left!
-What? -Left!
LADY MACBETH: Why do you make such faces?
When all's done, you look but on a stool.
Prithee, see there!
Behold!
Look! Lo!
How say you?
Why, what care I?
If thou canst nod, speak too!
If charnel-houses and our graves
must send those that we bury back...
I suppose it does work on some level.
-Thank you. -I still don't like it.
Well, it's collaboration. It's give and take.
This particular bit of staging is important to me.
And what kind of ghost does it make me
if I can't stage the ghost properly?
-[ Thunder crashing ] -MACDUFF: Turn, hellhound, turn!
On the balcony! On the balcony!
MACBETH: Of all men else, I have avoided thee.
But get thee back.
My soul is too much charged with blood of thine already.
I have no words:
My voice is in my sword:
thou bloodier villain than terms can give thee out!
Oh. God. Tell me when it's over.
What's next?
Just come on!
Aah!
Aah!
[ Audience gasps ]
You did it, man.
Ahh!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Well done, lad.
[ Knock on door ]
Alana.
You were amazing!
I was so proud.
[ Sobbing ] I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
[ Knock on door ]
Jerry! That was great work!
Unbelievable energy!
We knocked 15 minutes off the show!
That might have been all the lines I dropped.
-[ Laughs ] -Do you hear the applause?
The audience got their money's worth.
Thanks.
We'll do a little work before the next performance,
see if we can't patch some of that text back in.
I'm going on again?
Of course!
Oh! [ Sobs ]
Champagne!
Stay?
-[ Cork pops ] -CYRIL: [ Laughs ]
Sure. The kids can watch a video.
FRANK: Well, I haven't had so much fun
since Teddy McCown took over as Falstaff in 1972.
Poor Eric had a heart attack in the middle of the show.
And Teddy was so skinny,
we had to take the cushions out of the sofa in the green room
and stuff them up his doublet!
[ Laughter ]
What happened to Eric?
[ Laughing ] Oh, he died!
CYRIL: Well, anyway, here's to you.
-To Jerry! -To Jerry!
To Jerry!
Well?
He was terrible.
Miscast, maybe, but you can't deny he was effective.
Oh, come on, Brian.
You're not buying into that ***.
Of course, if you put a man onstage unprepared,
he's gonna create some sort of energy.
I mean, we feel his fear. Christ.
If I were you, I'd find Geoffrey tonight.
And say what?
Say, "Please, let me play Macbeth."
I will not humiliate myself.
Henry, there's only one reason
to be an actor in the theater -- one --
and it is the hope that one day
you'll be in a production like this
to play that part with this company of actors
under a director who cares about the play
as much as Geoffrey obviously does.
I'll set up the meeting.
And I'll be there to hold your hand.
And don't insult me by not attending.
Yeah, but this is the way it always was, Oliver!
You'd lay it out, I'd bring in my ideas,
and then we'd have a big fight!
Like our first "R and J." The Queen Mab speech.
-I could have killed you. -I could have killed you.
You would not stay where I put you.
It was a two-page speech.
I was upstaging Mercutio for two pages!
I was giving you focus!
-Ha! -And how old is this argument?
20 years.
Well, happy anniversary.
[ Cackles ]
Ah, Ellen! Hi. A note --
Oh, Geoffrey, that's enough.
Bring him back.
-Who? -Henry.
I saw the play, Ellen, for the first time in eight weeks.
I saw what we can do with this play.
Yes. You made your point.
Henry is a problem, but he's the right man for the part.
-Okay -- -Just listen to me, okay?
I know what I'm saying.
Jerry had a great night. But he's never gonna be Macbeth.
And the next time he's on that stage, he's gonna realize that,
and it will kill him.
[ Sighs ]
We became a company tonight. That's what you wanted, right?
So bring Henry back, and we'll do the rest to make it work.
[ Sighs ] I don't think I can do that.
-Why? Pride? -Partly.
Would you do it for me?
Do you mean for you, you?
Or do you mean for you, the actress, you?
For the actress and...
...for whatever else I might mean to you.
[ Sighs ]
All right. I'll call him in the morning.
-You will? -Yeah.
-I didn't think that would work. -Well, it did.
Even if he makes you beg, which he will --
Yes, I will beg him if I have to.
Yes.
Well, thank you.
-Well, good night. -Good night.
And you will call him in the morning?
Yes! For the love of God!
Sorry.
You know, you should really clean yourself up.
You're starting to look inhuman.
She's right.
I know.
No. I mean about your hygiene.
It's like living with a baboon.
Well, it is.
WOMAN: Morning, Miss Fanshaw.
-Ellen. You're early. -I'm on time.
Oh, yes. That's what I meant.
-I've got the forms. -Ah. Wonderful.
They were in the utility drawer.
[ Laughs ]
So you see -- I can be responsible.
You seem in good spirits.
I am. It's the new me.
I'm acting like an adult now, you know?
I'm taking charge of my life.
I dealt with Geoffrey yesterday.
You would have been proud of me.
Good. Glad to hear it.
I have your assessment.
-Oh, my God. -I'm sorry, Ellen.
It's -- It's just how the numbers came out.
You're sorry?
No, I was getting somewhere. I was making progress!
You said this process was about understanding myself!
It's about punishment! That's what it's about!
$27,867.53?
Oh, my God! It's so specific!
-It's not personal. -Will you stop saying that?
I'm an actor! Everything's personal!
-I know. -No, you don't!
You don't know.
You've never seen me onstage, so you don't know what it is I do.
You can't possibly understand what it means to me.
Actually, I have.
What?
Seen you. Onstage. Many times.
It's the highlight of our summer
to come to the festival and see you.
My -- My favorite was that lady in "The Winter's Tale."
-What was her name? -Paulina?
Yes, Paulina.
That moment in the courtroom when she turns on the king
and tells him that his wife is dead.
Um...What studied torments, tyrant, hast for me?
What wheels? Racks? Fires?
What flaying?
Boiling in leads or oils?
What old or newer torture must I receive,
whose every word deserves to taste of thy most worst?
Yes! Yeah.
Oh, it -- it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up
just thinking about it.
Why didn't you tell me that you'd seen me.
I didn't want to complicate our relationship.
I don't even know your name.
[ Laughs ] Amani Shikati.
Well, I guess I have to pay for this somehow.
Should I bring you the check?
Oh, no, no. You -- You can just mail it in.
So this is it, then.
Yep.
[ Sobbing ]
I'm sorry.
Don't be. I've seen much worse. Much, much worse.
Y-You can pay in installments.
JULIET: Lips that they must use in prayer.
ROMEO: Oh, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do.
They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.
Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake.
Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take.
Stop! What are you doing?
SARAH: Well, we're trying to do the play.
DARREN: Please, don't try to do the play.
Don't kiss each other. Don't touch each other.
Only do what I tell you to do.
SARAH: All that you've told us to do
is to stare straight ahead and say the lines.
And why aren't you doing that?
Because it doesn't give us anything to play!
Exactly! I don't want you to play anything!
Why can't you understand this?
Romeo and Juliet are not real people or characters.
They are signifiers.
They are not signifiers.
Yes, they are!
They are two young people who are desperately in love!
Stop speaking! Don't speak anymore!
I don't want to hear anything come out of that mouth
unless it is a line from the play
spoken flatly and without emotion.
-I hate this. -And I hate you.
Let's move on.
Act two, scene three.
-[ Knock on door ] -GEOFFREY: Come on in.
-Hi. -Hey! How are you feeling?
Good, good. I'm still buzzing.
I spent some time this morning going over the lines,
so you don't have to worry.
You mean you're putting the 14 minutes back on the play?
[ Laughs ] Most of them.
Oh, no, no! [ Chuckles ]
Alana must have been proud, yeah?
Yeah. I think it saved my marriage.
We were all proud.
I'm not going on again, am I?
I'm gonna ask Henry back. If he says no, you are.
He won't say no.
He'd be crazy to say no.
You were great, Jerry.
You were really, really great.
But I'm not your Macbeth.
You were last night.
Well, I should go.
I have to get ready for Lionel's reading.
Ah. Sure.
Okay.
Um, thanks again, Geoffrey.
It was the greatest experience of my life.
-RICHARD: You lied to me. -SANJAY: I never lied to you.
RICHARD: You lied to me over and over and over.
SANJAY: I never lied to you.
-No, you're lying right now! -I never told you a single lie.
Oh, shut up! Shut up!
You killed off the festival. We're ruined.
That is the language of defeat.
Yes! The language of defeat!
'Cause we're defeated, you *** ruiner!
Richard, let's not talk about business right now.
It's obviously upsetting you. Take a breath.
Come on.
[ Breathing deeply ]
Just one.
[ Breathes shallowly ]
Richard, let me tell you a secret.
I am having a fantastic life.
Look at the dreams I've lived.
I wanted to be a paramedic.
So one day I climbed into an ambulance, and I became one.
I've been a freighter captain, a clown, and a lawyer
all in one week.
How did I do these things?
I'll tell you.
It's all a trick.
All you have to do is believe in your dreams,
and they'll come true.
Sanjay, you're in jail.
Yes, yes. I'm in jail.
That's old news already. Move on.
Richard, your secret dream
is to be a great musical-theater performer.
Shut up!
Just believe that you are one, and you'll be one.
-That's what I would do. -Again, Sanjay, you're in jail!
Richard, you can't get arrested for doing musical theater.
Come on. Sing for me just once.
I never got a chance to hear you.
Just once for me, and it'll relax you.
Then we can talk about the campaign.
Sanjay, you're a pathetic, manipulative liar.
-I never lied -- -You're a *** liar!
Give me that! And I hope you rot in here.
Richard, I am so, so sorry.
But I'm going to have to resign the account.
Aah!
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the New Burbage Studio Theatre
for the first in a series of staged readings
showcasing new works by Canadian playwrights.
Today's play, "Three Brothers," is written by Lionel Train.
Geoffrey, sorry to keep you waiting.
Ahh. It's all right.
I'm -- I'm just happy you came at all.
Well, don't be too happy. I'm here under duress.
Okay.
I'd like you to come back.
Would you?
Yes, I would.
What, the understudy not working out, huh?
Jerry did a fine job.
-We saw the show. -Did you?
Yes, I saw a man stuttering
and sweating his way through "Macbeth."
Now, if that was your desired effect,
well, I'd say you succeeded admirably.
Yes.
Anyway...
Please come back.
-Oh, it's "please" now, is it? -What do you want me to say?
I want you to say that you're sorry for what you did,
for not treating me with the respect I deserve.
I want you to say that you made a mistake
because you are inexperienced
and that you will learn from what you did
and it will not happen again.
I'm sorry.
And... [ Clears throat ]
I am inexperienced, and I -- I acted rashly,
and I did not give you the respect that you deserve.
And it won't happen again.
Fine.
I'll come back. [ Laughs ]
I just want you to know one thing.
I will be playing this character my way, hmm?
The way it should be done,
the way I have done it three times before, successfully.
And I suggest that you watch and learn, Geoffrey,
'cause I will show you who he really is.
Ahh.
Bet you enjoyed that.
Geoffrey, your vision of the play works.
I saw that last night. Do not let him ruin it.
What are you saying?
I'm saying the play's the thing.
It's bigger than any one actor.
You know that. I know you do.
You must stage the play the way you see it.
It's easier said than done.
Yes, it is.
See you opening night.
[ Moaning ecstatically ]
Oh, thank you! [ Moaning ]
Thank you!
I'm sorry.
It's been a dry season.
[ Laughter ]
JERRY: How long?
Two years. Two and a half, actually.
Since Dusty left.
JERRY: Dusty? What kind of name is that?
He was with the rodeo.
Like a bull, he was.
[ Laughter ]
JERRY: I'm going to turn on the lights.
ELLEN: Why?
I want to see you naked, spread eagle on the bed.
Oh, god, no!
Please! You're so beautiful.
ELLEN: No, I'm not.
You are. You're beautiful. And talented.
I -- I thank God for you.
I thank God for you.
[ Laughter ]
[ Door closes ]
[ Water turns on, off ]
Are you okay?
It's just allergies.
What did you think of the reading?
Um, I couldn't stay.
I didn't see the ending. I'm sorry.
Well, you didn't miss much.
Annette moves to Winnipeg and gets a job as a secretary.
I know. Terrible.
What a year. I mean, one thing after another.
Oliver died. I break up with Geoffrey.
Have sex with my brother-in-law.
And now I'm playing Annette from Winkler.
God.
Can I ask you a personal question?
Okay.
Do you think I'm miserable because of who I am
or what I do?
Be honest.
Sometimes I think if I were a secretary, I would be happy.
I mean, you're a secretary, and you're happy.
I'm not a secretary.
I'm the associate administrative director.
Yes, of course you are.
What -- What I mean is that
your work and your personal life are separated,
and that's why you're happy.
Your life is simple.
I envy you.
By the way, how's your secret romance going?
Um...
It's, um...
...complicated.
Allergies.
I'm sorry.
Oh. God, I'm so insensitive.
All I can say is, stand up for who you are.
Don't be like Annette from Winkler, okay?
Hey.
You stole from me!
You stole my secrets! You spat them on the stage!
No, no. No, no, no.
That was my life.
I was writing about my life,
and you just happen to be part of my life right now.
But you used my words!
Because you said them to me.
When you said them to me, they became my words.
That's the way language works.
What are you saying, that a writer just copies
conversations he has in life and makes actors repeat them?!
You're oversimplifying, but, basically, yes.
Ah!
Look, Anna, if it upsets you that much, I'll shelve the play.
Really?
Of course.
Our relationship is important to me.
And God knows the play doesn't work anyway.
The second act's weak.
Annette's not a grounded character.
No offense.
No, it's okay. I'm not...
I'll put it away. Okay?
Thank you.
It probably doesn't mean anything now,
but a guy stopped me in the lobby on the way just now.
A producer.
He wants to talk to you about an off-Broadway run.
Oh.
Would you excuse me?
MARIA: You want to give the actors notes.
Yes.
But you don't want Ellen or Henry to know about it.
That's right -- I need to speak to the actors for five minutes,
just five minutes before the show,
without Henry, without Ellen.
[ Groans ]
Oh! For God's sakes, Maria.
Just for once in your life
forget that you're a stage manager.
I can't.
Five minutes! What can it hurt?!
Oh, all right! But if Equity finds out --
Ah, I'll tell them it was a safety thingy.
[ Doorbell rings ]
Richard!
Evelyn, I'm -- I'm so sorry.
I didn't know you were having a party.
Yes. It's a costume party.
You look wonderful.
I need to talk to him. It's an emergency.
Do you mind waiting here?
No. Not at all.
[ Muttering ] ***!
*** ***!
***!
-[ Glass breaks ] -Sorry. Sorry.
[ Tray clatters ]
I'm so sorry to disturb you at home,
but something terrible has happened.
What is it?
Who are you supposed to be?
I'm Cardinal Richelieu. What is it?
I just came from a meeting
with our account executive from Frog Hammer.
Look, this isn't good.
The meeting was in jail. [ Sobs ]
What's going on, Richard?
Sanjay's been arrested. He's a fraud.
His real name is Morris Taylor.
-What? -He's a dentist.
He's a dentist from Halifax!
He -- He got bored and decided to reinvent himself.
He's had all these identities.
I mean, it's incredible. But he's not a *** kid.
There's no such thing as cycle time!
He just made it up!
He made up the whole campaign as he was going along.
And now we've lost half our subscriber base,
and all the rebranding money is gone.
[ Chuckles ]
Jesus Christ.
What do you want me to do about it?
I want you to help me.
I want you to tell me what -- what should I do?
I want to tell you, Richard,
the richest people in the city are in my living room right now.
I could do some kind of emergency whip-round
and get you some money.
My God. You'll -- You'll do that?
No.
No?
No *** way.
'Cause I don't want to.
Because that would be throwing good money after bad.
-I'm begging you. -It's over, Richard.
You blew it. You had your shot.
And now the festival is going down, and you made the call.
Accept it, and be a man.
All right.
I accept responsibility.
I do.
If you'll help us,
just to get us through to the end of the season,
I will resign.
Resign?
[ Laughs ]
Do you have any idea how many dreary *** board meetings
I had to sit through just to watch you *** it up?
No. You don't get to resign.
Because I am gonna wait until next week
when you tally up all of your disastrous *** numbers,
and then I'm gonna exercise my privilege
and fire your sorry *** publicly.
Your head is coming off, my friend,
and I am gonna be the one wielding the ax.
Got it?
Subtitling made possible by RLJ Entertainment
[ Piano plays intro to "Call the Understudy" ]
♫ Call the understudy, I can't go on tonight ♫
♫ I'm drinking with my buddy, I'm getting good and tight ♫
♫ Before they raise the curtain, I'll be higher than a kite ♫
♫ So, call the understudy, I can't go on tonight ♫
♫ Tell the cast and crew to break a leg ♫
♫ Break a leg ♫
♫ Roll me out another bloody keg ♫
♫ Bloody keg ♫
♫ I need to ease the pain that life can bring ♫
♫ Life can bring ♫
♫ And liquor is what will hit the spot ♫
♫ The play is not the thing ♫
♫ So, call the understudy, I think it's only right ♫
♫ My diction will be muddy, I'll never find my light ♫
♫ Before the intermission, I'll be *** on a sprite ♫
♫ So, call the understudy ♫
-♫ I can't go on ♫ -♫ He can't go on ♫
-♫ I won't go on ♫ -♫ He shan't go on ♫
♫ I can't go on tonight ♫
♫ Damn right ♫