Funny Signs - Accidents will happen

[CRASH!] Ouch. Most accidents happen when the operator is not paying attention. Now that's a wake-up call. Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl ro--- [BONK!] Ouch. Civilization Seller. If he's selling civilizations, I'll sell him the Brooklyn Bridge. Hey, Mr. Civilization Seller, do you have any pygmies? Don't push it, Sam. *** *** *** *** ***! New oven baked sand, starting at $4.99. I should pay that much for sand? Why can't I go to Malibu Beach and have sand for free? Can I get sea shells with your oven baked sand? Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! Don't even think about it, Sam. *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***! Beware of Fake Imitation. Tscha! I'll settle for the real imitation, thank you very much. There's no such thing as a real imitation. It's just a figment of your imagination. Fowl is prohibited in this motel. You will be charged for damages if such an incident occurs. Tell the house detective there's pigeon poop all over Suite 222. Looks like another case of fowl play. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Notice: Dogs Must Be On LFASH. What the hell is LFASH? Some kind of drug dogs get high on? Sam must be a dog. He gets high on LFASH all the time. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Mike, I found out what LFASH stands for. Let a *** *** *** Himself. It's what I should let you do. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Tantrum coming on now. Aaaaaaaaaggghhhh! Goddammit Sam! You call me a *** *** one more time and I'll jam a pogo stick up your ***! You hear me? You sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabi--- [BOOM!] Feel safe tonight. Sleep with a cop. That's what Mary does every time she feels threatened. She sleeps with a cop. Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Letch letch letch letch letch letch letch letch! Microsoft Sam, you're under arrest. Sheesh. What? $9.99 for a gallon of gas? That's outrageous! Where can we get cheaper gas these days? I know where you can. [PLOP! PLOP! PLOP! PLOP!] Clean yourself up, Sam. You're making me sick! [BOOSH!] Well, that shut me up. No motorcycles, no picking flowers, no sitting on fences, no cars, no littering, no horn playing, no skating, no kicking balls, no hunting, no dogs, no bombs, no campfires. They don't allow anything here. Let's get out before the cops get us. Human sale. You know of any humans we can buy? I don't know. Isn't selling humans illegal? We'd sell Microsoft Sam. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Microsoft Mary You are a B-I-T-C-H Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeotch! Double Shot Liquor & Guns. Archery items now in stock. Let's get drunk and shoot Microsoft Sam. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I'm out of season. Hahahahahahahahahahaha! [***! ***!] Double ouch. Beware of your valuable possessions. They may be stolen at any time. Help! Police! Somebody stole my life and I want it back! Hey Microsoft Sam, you want your life back? Come right in here and get it! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Get thee behind me, Satan! Go torment Casey Anthony! Are you kidding? I've got a million people demanding I take her soul. Her kind are a dime a dozen. I'd rather torment you. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Not so fast there, Satan! Leave Microsoft Sam alone! He'll never be yours unless you show conclusive proof against him. Not while he lives, I won't! Take that! [KAPOW!] Oh ***! Beat again! One of these days I'll really torment Sam's soul and no one will dare stop me. Not even that child-killing *** Casey Anthony, whom I hate more than God does. Colon fluid. Colon fluid? That's gross! Eeewwww! Eeeeewwwwwww! Eeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww! [Mary barfing] Danger! Explosive dog training in progress! Keep out! W T F is an explosive dog? He's probably a siss-boom-bark. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Look out everybody, here comes an explosive dog! [Dog barking] [BOOM!] Oh ***! I'm stuck in the ground again! Hang on, Mary, I'll get you loose. Oh Mike. That's the way. I'm coming out. Ah. I feel much better. Thank you, Mike. You're welcome, Mary. Religion Gym. Temple of Pain. What kind of religion teaches that you go through a painful workout before going to church? Must be the Cathedral of Our Lady of Perpetual Wrestling. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Quit stealing my jokes, you ***! Watch it, me bucko! I know Hulk Hogan's cell phone number. No overnight parking 2:30 AM to 7:30 AM. What about the part of the night before 2:30 AM? They allow for drunks to dry out while the bars are open. Yeah. I saw Mary out drinking the night she slept with that cop. Hahahahahahahahahahah! Stay calm, Mary. Don't blow your stack. Keep your cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum coming on. Eeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaggghh! Microsoft Sam, why the hell do you do this to me? You *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ba--- [BOOM!] Please don't throw cigarette butts in the shrubbery. The squirrels come out at night to smoke them and we are trying to get them to quit. Thanks, Roma Development Company. First, an exploding dog. Next, smoking squirrels. Stay tuned. You may hear about flaming kangaroos. Witches keep left. I'll get you, Dorothy, my pretty, and your little dog Toto too! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! My name's not Dorothy, it's Sam. And I no longer have a dog because he exploded earlier in this video. Wood found in forest. That's stating the obvious. Wood found in forest? Well, duh! Where else can you find trees? No exit. No turn-around. Probably no swimming either. Looks like we can't go anywhere but straight ahead. Is there any place we can go from here? Why not Satan's Kingdom? You're going there anyway, Sam! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh no you don't, Satan! Go back where you came from! [KAPOW!] It's all right, sam. I've chased the Devil back to his lair. You can go now. All right! Hey gang, the angel says we're free to go! Let's all board Sam's RoflCopter. You took the words right out of my mouth, Mary. Let's go, Sam. Hang on everybody, here we go! Soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi [CRASH!] Judas Priest! The RoflCopter's fallen to pieces! You're right, Sam. This RoflCopter is ka-put. And there's no way we can ka-put it back together again. We're stuck here forever. Why, Sam! You don't even need your RoflCopter. You've always had the power to go home all along. Wow! Just like Dorothy in "The Wizard of Oz?" Exactly. Now, if all of your will grasp hands and hold Sam's, I'll help Sam get you all home by magic. We're all ready. Now, Sam, close your eyes and think out loud to yourself: "There's no place like home. There's no place like home." There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home. He's coming to, Mary. It's all right, Sam. We're back home again. Really? Oh wow! That was such a trip we took. It was all weird. There were all these funny signs and funny characters and a devil which looked like you, Mike, and an angel which looked like you, Mary, and... The angel was right. There really is no place like home.