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Hey guys, this is Andriy Snip. Thank you for watching Snip Reviews. Today I am here with
Russy from YourCharismaCoach. Russy has lots of experience of teaching daygame. I met him
first time when I was trying to get daygame lessons in Sydney.
How are you Russy? I am good, Andriy. Thank you very much for
having me. How are you today, mate? Very good, thanks.
When we were talking about this interview previously, we came up to this idea, and you
mentioned the idea of Eureka Moment, that your students experience when they are doing
training with you. That's right. It is like a tipping point.
I've been teaching for a long time, I've been doing a lot of daygame, I've helped guys with
dating, and at the moment I've moved to teaching charisma, charm, self esteem, social intelligence.
And what I found, having been doing this for a long time, there is a tipping point, there
is a point in any student growth, where they start having these realizations that all the
negative assumptions they had, or the worries that they had, everything seems a bit clearer,
and they actually see that they are worthy, and they are able to do this. And they have
positive outlook on life and the world, and what they are trying to achieve.
And I guess it is at that point when the students begin to realize that they are the agent for
change for themselves, where all those assumptions they've made in the past about themselves,
whether it's "Girls don't want to talk to me" or "I am really nervous in a networking
event because everyone is very clicky and I can't break into their circles" or "Everyone
I speak to someone people don't want to talk to me", all those negative assumptions they've
had, through techniques, the activities, the exercises that we've done during the period
of working with them, they start to prove those assumptions wrong.
And when they prove those assumptions wrong, what I've found is that they are starting
to realize that they are making a difference, and they start getting positive reinforcements
from the people they are talking to, positive reactions.
The girls are talking about smiling, or enjoying their conversations, or if it is a group of
people, everyone is really engaged in what they have to say.
And that tipping point, it is a little bit like Eureka Moment, they think "Wow! Actually,
this is working for me! And it is working because I am changing my behaviour, and breaking
the social norm. I am trying something different". By taking that scary step and pushing themselves
out of their comfort zone, and trying something a little bit different, something a little
bit out of the social norm, getting that positive reinforcement, they have a Eureka Moment.
And it is one of the most amazing things to see sometimes.
So, what you are saying is that although right now I am working really hard to get girls,
but if I do certain things, and if I put a due amount of effort, I will reach a stage
when it is going to be fun, it is going to be easy, and I will be having a lot of fun,
right? I always wonder to myself, whether it gets
easier or you just get better. And I think that's something that every student has to
go through. Because it is a journey. It is a journey from being really, really scared,
and worried about talking to girls or talking for anyone for that matter, or being socially
intelligent, to being very charismatic, and very charming, and very good with women, or
very good in social settings. And someone once said that definition of insanity
was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. So I guess
what I am saying, for people that are on this journey, try a different new thing that scares
you a little bit. Push yourself out of your comfort zone. You will have a different response
from different people. And they are the things that will help you grow, and then you'll start
getting a lot better at this. Because the more positive reinforcements you
get, the more positive feedback you get from different people you speak to, the more confident
you are in yourself. And the more confident you are in yourself, the more fun you are
going to have with this. Sounds good.
So, once again, to reach this moment, where you actually believe in yourself, what do
we do? Do we take action, or we take action AND we try different things?
A bit of both. You should always be taking action, because you've got to take that first
step to doing something. You can't just sit there and hope for the best. And doing different
things, if you are getting a lot of good resources, you are reading some books, you are getting
some coaching, or you are getting some direction. It is not doing different things, but doing
something different to what you usually do. And you will get a different outcome.
I so totally agree. I am really persistent person, and this is a good thing, and a bad
thing. Because sometimes I start doing something, and although I realize that it is not working,
I keep persisting. It is not a bad thing, it is a good thing
as well. Yes. And also what I hear from you, is that
if I want to reach that point (Eureka Moment), I would be better experimenting with different
things. Absolutely. I think a really good thing to
remember, or rather, two really good questions to ask yourself, after every interaction,
is this: 1. What did I do well? -- It forces you to
think really positively. What went really well? Did I open really easily, did I break
the ice with a group of people really easily, was my body language really good, what did
I do well? That's question one. And answer it to yourself,
whether it is writing it down, or thinking about it in your head.
And the second question is "What would I do differently?"
Because once again, it forces you to think positively, and not focus on negatives, like
"What did I do bad?" "What would I do differently?" forces you
to think about what would you change next time I am going to have an interaction.
And it will give you a really good point to grow from. Because you will say "I did that
really well, and next time to do even better may be I will do something a bit differently,
may be it is a conversation, what you say, how you say it, how you deliver it. And then
you can test it in the next interaction you are having, saying "Hey, this went really
well" or "That did not work for me". And that is a good way to evaluate yourself.
I still remember that training session that I was doing with you. And I think I was talking
to a girl, and it was a fantastic interaction. But because I did not take it to the next
level, and the next level -- at certain point the interaction ended -- I went back and I
was beating myself up, and Russy said "Why are you beating yourself up? You've just done
something you've never done before". It is amazing, is not it? And I think when
we started working together, if I remember correctly, and it was few years back, you
were really nervous, and you were worried, you were concerned what reaction you might
be getting from a girl you were starting speaking to.
But what is really important to understand, and you did this really well, and a lot of
students take this on board, is that if you can understand, that it is not their reaction
that is important. Every time you approach a girl, or a group of people, regardless of
the environment. It's not their reaction that's important, it's how you handle that reaction.
And by learning social intelligence, daygame sometimes, or how to be charming, or lots
of different body language, conversation skills, you learn to handle that reaction.
Once you learn to handle that reaction, everything becomes fun. Everything becomes really good.
I think this ties up with the next topic I wanted to ask you. You mentioned previously
that you are making a transition from teaching daygame to teaching charisma. Let's talk for
a couple of minutes about what charisma is, and how to become good at charisma.
Charisma -- there are so many definitions of someone who is charismatic -- but to me,
charisma is your ability to evoke emotion in someone in an interaction. And the ability
to build a connection with them through several things that you learn from pickup, or from
daygame. Such as your body language, or your conversation skills, how to break the ice,
how to not be socially awkward, how to communicate, how to show your intent. All these things
I learned when I was learning pickup. All these different avenues that I explored
can translate really well into making you are charismatic person. And by being charismatic
you can have an influence on people. And you can build really good long lasting relationships.
Whether it is friendships, or whether it is romantic interest or dating.
So to me, charisma is the ability to evoke an emotion in someone and the ability to connect
with them, and also influence them in a very positive way. Because, and it sounds really
fluffy, but someone once said to me, one of my mentors, when I was in London learning
pickup, he said to me: "Russ, you are a gift. Give a girl the gift of you".
And it sounds fluffy, but it is very true. You can have an influence on any person that
you meet by being extremely charismatic or charming.
Yohoo! As usually, I am trying to keep the interviews
short, and I think we discussed two really good topics. And I like to finish up with
an inspirational message, or may be a kick in the butt message.
You know what, so far we've been ending with inspirational messages, how about we get a
kick in the *** message, taking action message from Russy.
I'll tell you what. For everyone out there listening to this, for every moment you get
nervous, do something that scares you. So, get out there, and talk to at least one girl
every day. And it does not matter if it goes wrong and it does not matter if it goes right,
because the important thing is not their reaction but how you handle that reaction.
Give yourself five days, five girls, go talk to them. And handle the reaction well, because
nothing bad is going to come out of it. I will do it.
I really hope you do it. It's funny because you'll prove your assumptions wrong, and may
be you'll have that Eureka Moment. Thank you very much Russy for the interview.
No problems, mate. Take care.