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Hello? Hey man, you need to come over right now! Why? Are you ok? Yeah no, I'm fine, but
I have a friend over. Guess who it is? Uhhh... I don't know. Zack Kassian. What!?! Yeah!
Are you sure? Totally! 100%! Ok, I'm coming over. Ok, hurry up. Hey man, dude have you
seen him yet? Look! That's not Zack Kassian! Dude it totally is! What are you talking about?
He's not even close! What? No way! Dude, ok let's just ask him questions that only Zack
Kassian would know the answer to. Do you have any of those? Like what? Dude we'll make some
up or something! Ok fine! Ask him a question! Ask him a question! How many goals do you
have "Zack?" Uh.. Eight? Ok, ok, do you have a cat? Yes. What's its name? Zack Katssian?
It checks out! How does that check out? What's your moms name? Je... Jeborah. Jeborah. Jeborah
Kassian.Your mom's name is Jeborah... Ok! Do you like ice cream? Yes. Me too! Awesome!
Ok, um. How many moneys did you get from the tooth fairy when you lost your tooth, wait,
don't answer that I have to go to the bathroom! What's your angle, "friend?" What do you mean?
You and I both know you're not Zack Kassian. I know, it's just that he came up to me in
Safeway and he was so excited. Obviously he was new to this and I've been a new fan too,
and I know what it's like, I didn't want to disappoint him. I mean, we've got the playoffs
coming soon and you and I both know that we're just a hairsbreadth away from despair and
heartbreak. I couldn't let him down. I do not have a good feeling about this. He needs
this. He needs this. Fine. But don't you dare hurt him. Guys, I want to get punched in the
face by Zack Kassian! He needs this.