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Hello my followers. It is I Jesus Christ.
Last we spoke (crunch, crunch, crunch) I was planning for the apocalypse.
And I needed money to make the apocalypse come upon you.
I did not receive the appropriate funds required to get an apartment and some food.
So what do I do to bring the apocalypse upon you? I need a new plan. The new plan to raise
money...
...I thought about it over time and as I walked upon the streets of this great
town I realized many people have really puffed
up quite a bit haven't they?
Hmmm. And I thought well isn't the amazing? Look at all these people with all this extra
pudge, pudge, pudge upon them.
I could help get this off if they learned to walk with Jesus.
In my day we did not have anybody with excess weight.
Now, quite possibly that was due to, in large part, an amazing amount of slavery.
In slavery you do not get much to eat.
mmmmm..oh my god these are so delicious Really!
What, what are they again Samuel? Sour Cream and Onion.
Zero trans fat. Does that? That means they're healthy then?
Zero trans fat, right? I could eat these all day long and not even
think anything about it? Right. Good.
bllahahllaha...oh..ya..mmmm..aaaaa. (noises -- noises -- noises).
Mmm. DE-LIC-IOUS.
hmmmmhmmm. There we go. Got it.
So my new plan is to make an exercise video. What I want you to do now is get on your shorts.
Get on your t-shirts. And something comfy upon your feet.
And..come on! Let's walk with Jesus shall we?
(dance music starts)
There we go. Footprints in the sand. There you go. Why just one set? Because I'm carrying
you!
Up! Up!
Up!
Maybe it's Satan. Away Satan! Maybe you don't like cats. Away cats.
Run faster! Run faster!
Get away from Satan. Nnnnnyess!
Back away.
Now that's when you cool down. Like this. Whoooo! I'm feeling a little dizzy.
I'm feeling even a little a bit
(sound)
my belly is not right.
Hold on.
(Blah!)
(Blah!)
(Throws up)
I probably shouldn't have eaten as much as I did before I worked out. This is maybe a
good tip.
So my video is called 'Walk With Jesus'. So take my hand and I will show you the way to
an enlightened body.