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Welcome to Let's Get Real. The show that tells the truth about love, sex
and relationships. This program is for mature adults only. Watch at your
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Now here's your hosts, David and Darlene Steele from Relationship Coaching
Institute.
Welcome to Let's Get Real!
Today we're going to talk about how romance is a two-way street.
Tom from Boise writes:
Dear Coaches,
Well, it's Valentine's Day again and my wife is a fanatic about me making Valentine's
a big, romantic event for her.
Every year I have to come up with something special.
I feel pressured because if it doesn't fit her fantasy she thinks I really
don't love her.
It feels like I'm taking a test.
Oh man,
Tom is feeling really pressured to deliver
a WOW experience to his wife for Valentine's Day.
It seems like
that's what she expects and he's actually agreed to give her that.
It sounds like he's agreed to give her that he doesn't really know exactly
what that looks like for her.
And I'm not quite sure Tom really wants to do this, but obviously he wants to
please his wife and make her happy,
and I'm a guy so I know, you know,
you do what it takes to make your wife happy, so really, I
relate to Tom. I sympathize.
But there's one thing I know, here's the truth, one truth about relationships,
which is relationships and romance
are a two-way street.
So, my question for Tom is, Tom
what do you really want?
Would you rather have a two-way street or is this okay with you where your
wife expects you to deliver a wow experience and you take that on as your job?
Well, it sounds like that's not what he wants because otherwise he wouldn't have
written in.
So, I think what he really wants is to make his wife happy.
And I think he does wants a romantic, wow experience on Valentine's Day.
However, he probably doesn't want to be
the one to deliver it. Right, or the one to have
to figure the whole thing out by himself..
Well, that's a burden, that is a lot of pressure.
So, if I were Tom
and this wasn't working for me,
here's what i might say:
"So honey,
I really want to make you happy on Valentine's Day.
I love you. You are the love of my life
and
in the past
I've taken it on
to create the experience for you to, to wow you and
it's starting to feel like a lot of pressure and I'm taking a test and, you know.
I would really just,
really appreciate it and I would love it if we could plan it together
and we can brainstorm and you tell me what make you happy and I would have my
own ideas and we would do it as a team.
And I can still surprise you, you know, I know you like surprises
but to have it all on my shoulders, it's starting to feel like it's too much."
So, what do you think Tom? Could you do that? Is that your truth, you know?
Maybe you feel little differently, but that can be an example of what you might
do.
So Tom, what do you think the risk would be if you told your truth to your
wife?
Your wife could be really mad at you.
She
might think you ruin her Valentine's Day. You don't love her.
Also,
if you tell your truth,
that could change a pattern in your relationship
that ends up
breaking up the relationship because
it's not okay if you would have your truth.
It's all about her.
But, I am hopeful
that if you tell your truth
that she'll listen to you, that she'll be responsive to you, that she'll loves you and cares
about you
and she wants you to be happy as well.
So,
the rewards if you tell your truth
is that you will get your wants and needs met in the relationship is well,
that you'll feel loved,
that Valentine's Day will be a shared experience rather than one in which you
have to perform.
So Tom, we wish you very well. Have a great Valentine's Day.
And if you're watching us and you have any ideas for Tom, any feedback,
please do put your comment in the comment box below.
Thanks for joining us. Bye. You've been watching Let's Get Real,
the show that tells the truth about love, sex and relationships. For more
information, more episodes and to join the FREE Getting Real Club, visit
www.gettingreal.tv
May you live the life you love with the love of your life.