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[MUSIC]
MY WIFE AND I DID A
TEACHING TOGETHER CALLED "LOVE
YOUR WOMAN, RESPECT YOUR MAN."
AND SHE AND I SORT OF TAG
TEAMED BACK AND FORTH AND JUST
SHARED SOME PRACTICAL THINGS
THAT WIVES NEED TO KNOW, AND
THAT HUSBANDS NEED TO KNOW IN
ORDER TO HAVE A FRUITFUL
RELATIONSHIP.
AND WE'RE GOING TO BEGIN TODAY
WITH JANET, AND I TELL YOU
WHAT: I AM JUST MARRIED TO THE
MOST BRILLIANT WOMAN.
SHE IS DOWN TO EARTH.
SHE'S GOT SOME JUST SAVVY
WISDOM THAT IS GOING TO HELP
YOU, AND MEN ESPECIALLY YOU
NEED TO LISTEN TO WHAT MY WIFE
HAS TO SAY.
WOMEN WANT TO BE LOVED; MEN
WANT TO BE RESPECTED.
AND WE JUST TALK ABOUT WHAT
THAT MEANS IN PRACTICAL TERMS,
AND SHE JUST SHARES SOME
BRILLIANT THOUGHTS...
ABOUT HOW TO PUT THAT TRUTH IN
WORK CLOTHES.
SO HEY, LET'S GET INTO THE
WORD; I WANT YOU TO HEAR IT
FROM MY PRECIOUS WIFE, JANET.
[MUSIC]
OKAY.
ARE YOU READY?
ALL RIGHT.
WELL, THE TITLE OF OUR MESSAGE
IS CALLED "LOVE YOUR WOMAN,
RESPECT YOUR MAN".
AND I WANT TO JUST GIVE AN
HONOR TO DR. EMERSON EGGERICH
BECAUSE OF THIS BOOK HE WROTE
CALLED "LOVE AND RESPECT"
BECAUSE SOME OF THE THOUGHTS
ARE FROM THERE.
AND IT'S JUST AN AWESOME BOOK
IF YOU WANT TO GET MORE IDEAS
AND THOUGHTS, TOO.
BUT I DO WANT TO HONOR HIM.
AND I'LL BE TALKING TO THE
MEN, AND BAYLESS WILL BE
TALKING TO THE WOMEN TODAY
BECAUSE I'M A WOMAN, AND I'LL
TELL YOU WHAT THE WOMEN LIKE.
OKAY, ARE YOU READY?
ARE YOU READY?
YES, YOU ARE.
OKAY.
LET'S START IN EPHESIANS, THE
FIFTH CHAPTER.
EPHESIANS 5:33, AND THIS IS
FROM THE NEW LIVING.
SO YOU CAN READ ON THE SCREEN
OR IN YOUR BIBLES.
EPHESIANS 5:33, IT SAYS, "SO
AGAIN I SAY, EACH MAN MUST
LOVE HIS WIFE AS HE LOVES
HIMSELF, AND THE WIFE MUST
RESPECT HER HUSBAND." SO IT'S
REAL SIMPLE THERE OF WHAT A
MAN NEEDS AND WHAT A WOMAN
NEEDS.
A WOMAN NEEDS TO BE LOVED, AND
THE HUSBAND NEEDS RESPECT.
MEN NEED RESPECT BECAUSE
THAT'S THE WAY GOD MADE THEM;
WOMEN NEED LOVE BECAUSE THAT'S
THE WAY GOD DESIGNED US.
HE WIRED US UP THAT WAY.
WE NEED LOVE.
AND, REALLY, IF WE'RE TALKING
ABOUT TRUE AND LASTING LOVE IN
OUR MARRIAGES OR EVEN LOVING
PEOPLE, IN GENERAL, TRUE AND
LASTING LOVE PUTS THE NEEDS OF
THE OTHER PERSON BEFORE US.
PUTS THEIR NEEDS FIRST AND
DESIRES FOR THEM TO GROW AND
FLOURISH IN LIFE, ISN'T THAT
RIGHT?
AND HOW MANY KNOW THAT TAKES
HARD WORK, AND THAT TAKES
SACRIFICE.
ABSOLUTELY.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT IS WORTH IT, ISN'T IT?
AND THE OPPOSITE OF THAT WOULD
BE LIKE, "WELL, SHE DOESN'T
RESPECT ME, SO I'M NOT GOING
TO GIVE HER LOVE." OR, "HE
DOESN'T REALLY LOVE ME, IT
SEEMS LIKE, SO I'M NOT GOING
TO RESPECT HIM." AND IF YOU
JUST KIND OF GO IN A CYCLE
LIKE THAT, "WELL, HE DOESN'T
DO THIS, SO I'M NOT GOING TO
DO THAT, SHE DOESN'T DO THAT,"
AND IT JUST KIND OF GOES IN A
CYCLE AND KEEPS ON GOING
AROUND AND JUST KEEPS GETTING
LOWER AND LOWER.
LIKE, YOU KNOW, TWO HAMSTERS
ON THIS LITTLE SPINNING WHEEL;
THEY ARE GETTING NOWHERE.
BUT WHEN YOU PUT, WHEN WE PUT
THE NEEDS OF THE OTHER PERSON
FIRST, THEN THE HUSBAND'S LOVE
ENCOURAGES THE WIFE TO RESPECT
HIM AND THEN HER RESPECT
CAUSES HIM TO LOVE HERE, AND
IT JUST KEEPS GOING AROUND AND
AROUND IN A GREAT ENERGIZING
CYCLE, AND IT'S HEALTHY IF WE
PUT THE OTHER PERSON'S NEEDS
FIRST.
IT'S A GOOD THING, HUH?
SO FOR THE MAN: YOU MIGHT HAVE
ASKED, "WELL, I TRY TO SHOW
LOVE TO MY WIFE, BUT I JUST
CAN'T SEEM TO PLEASE HER.
IT JUST DOESN'T SEEM TO BE
WORKING.
WHAT CAN I DO THAT WILL
EFFECTIVELY COMMUNICATE MY
LOVE TO HER?" AND SO WE'LL TRY
TO ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS THIS
MORNING.
SO THREE WAYS I WANTED TO
SHARE, THREE WAYS TO SHOW LOVE
TO YOUR BRIDE, AND IT'S C-U-P,
CUP, SO THAT HER CUP WILL BE
OVERFLOWING, OKAY?
ALL RIGHT, SO SHE CRAVES
(C-U-P) CLOSENESS,
UNDERSTANDING, AND SHE LONGS
TO BE PRIZED.
LET'S JUST SAY THOSE:
CLOSENESS, UNDERSTANDING; SHE
LONGS TO BE PRIZED.
PRIZED.
THAT SPELLS LOVE TO HER.
SO THE FIRST ONE: A WOMAN
WANTS TO BE CLOSE.
SHE DESIRES CLOSENESS.
SHE WANTS TO BE CLOSE TO YOU.
GENESIS 2:24, IT SAYS, "A MAN
SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND
MOTHER AND CLEAVE UNTO HIS
WIFE," OR BE JOINED TO HIS
WIFE.
THAT WORD "CLEAVE" THERE, IT
MEANS ADHERE CLOSELY, CLING
TO, STRONGLY INVOLVED,
EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED, JOINED.
SO A MAN LEAVES HIS FATHER AND
MOTHER, AND HE ADHERES
CLOSELY, HE CLINGS TO, HE'S
STRONGLY INVOLVED, HE'S
EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED, AND HE
IS JOINED TO HIS WIFE.
AND GOD SAID THAT BECAUSE HE
KNEW HOW HE WIRED THE WOMAN,
AND HE KNEW WHAT SHE NEEDED.
SHE NEEDED THAT CLOSENESS.
SHE NEEDS TO FEEL CLOSE AND
CONNECTED IN A WAY THAT A
HUSBAND DOESN'T.
THE SONG OF SOLOMON, THE
SHULAMITE WOMAN IS TALKING TO
HER BELOVED.
IN CHAPTER 8, VERSE 6, IT SAYS
THIS, "KEEP ME CLOSE TO YOU
LIKE THE RING ON MY FINGER."
THAT'S PRETTY CLOSE.
"KEEP ME CLOSE TO YOU LIKE A
RING ON MY FINGER." NOW MOST
OF YOU, MANY OF YOU HAVE BEEN
AT STARBUCKS, AND YOU NOTICE
THEY HAVE THESE LITTLE ROUND
TABLES NO HIGHER THAN THIS AND
TWO CHAIRS, ONE ON EACH SIDE.
AND A LOT OF TIMES YOU WILL
SEE PEOPLE IN THERE TALKING,
AND THEY ARE TALKING
FACE-TO-FACE ACROSS THE TABLE
THERE.
AND USUALLY ARE THEY MEN OR
ARE THEY WOMEN TALKING
FACE-TO-FACE?
USUALLY, IT'S WOMEN, AND WOMEN
LIKE THAT CONNECTION.
FACE-TO-FACE.
PERHAPS YOU'VE HEARD THE STORY
OF THIS DADDY PUTTING HIS
FOUR-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER TO BED.
HE IS LAYING THERE WITH HER
JUST TO HELP HER GET TO SLEEP,
LAYING THERE FOR A FEW
MINUTES.
IT'S DARK IN THERE.
AND SHE'S JUST TALKING A MILE
A MINUTE.
SHE JUST KEEPS ON TALKING.
AND THEY'RE JUST LAYING THERE
FOR A LITTLE BIT, AND SUDDENLY
SHE GOES, "DADDY, LOOK AT ME."
SHE REALIZES, SHE CAN SENSE
THAT HE IS NOT LOOKING AT HER.
AND SINCE HE'S NOT LOOKING AT
HER, THEN HE IS PROBABLY NOT
LISTENING TO HER, AND SHE
GRABS HIS FACE, AND SHE TURNS
HIS FACE TO LOOK AT HER FACE.
EVEN AT THAT YOUNG AGE, SHE
SENSES AND DESIRES THAT
CLOSENESS, THAT FACE-TO-FACE
CONNECTION.
CLOSENESS IS WHAT WOMEN LOOK
FOR IN ANY RELATIONSHIP AND
ESPECIALLY MARRIAGE.
YOU CAN PICTURE A MARRIAGE
KIND OF LIKE THIS ON A
SPECTRUM, CONTINUUM KIND OF
THING, AND ON ONE SIDE IS THE
CLOSENESS AND THE CONNECTION,
AND ON THE OTHER SIDE IS THIS
INDEPENDENCE.
AND IN A MARRIAGE THE WOMAN
USUALLY IS KIND OF LEANING
OVER THIS WAY TO THE CLOSENESS
AND THE CONNECTION, AND THE
MAN IS JUST MAYBE OVER THIS
WAY ON THE INDEPENDENT SIDE.
AND WHEN THE HUSBAND GETS TOO
INDEPENDENT OVER HERE... MAYBE
HE'S NOT TALKING MUCH OR
WHATEVER... HE IS OVER ON THIS
SIDE, SHE DOESN'T FEEL CLOSE
TO HIM, AND SHE STARTS TO FEEL
THAT HE REALLY DOESN'T LOVE
HER.
AND, CERTAINLY, NO MAN CAN
MEET ALL OF A WOMAN'S
EMOTIONAL NEEDS.
THAT'S WHY WE HAVE GIRLFRIENDS
AND GOD.
BUT... AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT
YOU SHOULD BECOME A WOMAN AND
SIT AT THE TABLE AND TALK
FACE-TO-FACE LIKE THAT ALL THE
TIME, BUT... BECAUSE SHE WANTS
YOU TO BE A MAN.
SHE REALLY DOES WANT YOU TO BE
A MAN.
BUT WHEN YOU MOVE TOWARD HER,
EVEN IN LITTLE SMALL WAYS,
IT'S AMAZING HOW IT AFFECTS
HER HEART AND HOW IT AFFECTS
HER WHOLE BEING.
IT'S AMAZING WHAT HAPPENS WHEN
YOU MOVE TOWARD HER.
AND, OF COURSE, YOU KNOW, YOU
WORK HARD ALL WEEK, AND YOU
CAN INSIST ON HAVING YOUR
SPACE; YOU KNOW, YOU DESERVE
SOME GOLF, SOME FISHING,
WHATEVER, SPORTS ON THE TV.
BUT YOU WON'T MOTIVATE HER TO
GIVE YOU WHAT YOU NEED BY
WITHHOLDING WHAT SHE REALLY
NEEDS.
AND, OBVIOUSLY, BOTH OF US
NEED SOME SPACE NOW AND THEN,
BUT THAT'S PART OF BEING
MATURE ADULTS AND
COMMUNICATING AND WORKING THAT
OUT AND FINDING WHAT WORKS AND
WHAT MEETS EACH OTHER'S NEEDS,
JUST GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE
NOW AND THEN, BUT MAKING SURE
TO STAY CLOSE.
AND JUST A FEW WAYS, GUYS,
THAT YOU CAN HELP HER FEEL
CLOSE: EVEN JUST HOLDING HER
HAND.
IT JUST SPEAKS SO MUCH TO A
WOMAN.
HUG HER.
I MEAN, LIKE, SOMETIMES THERE
ARE SO MANY EMOTIONS WE HAVE,
AND WE JUST DON'T REALLY EVEN
KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.
AND MAYBE WE JUST HAD A HARD
DAY OR SOMETHING AND,
HUSBANDS, YOU JUST TAKE AND
HUG.
I KNOW SOMETIMES HE JUST TAKES
AND HUGS ME; I JUST MELT
BECAUSE IT JUST MAKES YOU FEEL
CLOSE AND THAT HE REALLY
CARES.
SO HUG.
ANOTHER THING: BEING
AFFECTIONATE WITHOUT WANTING
SEX.
HUGS.
EVERYBODY SAID... HUG, HOLDING
HANDS, KISSING, TELL HER HOW
PRETTY SHE IS BECAUSE YOU KNOW
WHAT?
IF THE ONLY TIME YOU APPROACH
HER WITH THE HUGS AND THE
KISSES AND THE AFFECTION LIKE
THAT IS WHEN YOU WANT SEX, A
WOMAN WILL BEGIN TO FEEL USED.
AND SO IT NEEDS TO BE ALL
DURING THE DAY.
AND, REALLY, EVERY DAY SHE
WILL LOVE IT.
BE AFFECTIONATE EVERY DAY.
ANOTHER THING THAT SPEAKS
REALLY VOLUMES TO HER IS JUST
TAKING HER OUT.
MAYBE SET UP A DATE NIGHT OR
JUST SOMETHING.
AND A LOT OF TIMES YOU MIGHT
SAY, "DO YOU WANT TO GO FOR A
WALK?
AND WE'LL JUST GO WALK AROUND
THE BLOCK, KIND OF CATCH UP
WITH EACH OTHER?" HE INITIATES
IT.
"YES!" AND SO THAT HELPS TO BE
CLOSE.
ANYTHING THAT'S TOGETHERNESS
THAT YOU MIGHT WANT TO
INITIATE.
ANOTHER THING, YOU CAN HAVE
PILLOW TALK AFTER MAKING LOVE
RATHER THAN JUST PLUNKING OFF
TO SLEEP OR WATCHING SPORTS OR
SOMETHING.
SO PILLOW TALK.
IT MAKES HER FEEL CLOSE.
SHE WANTS TO STAY UP-TO-DATE.
AND WHEN A WOMAN MOVES TOWARDS
YOU AND ASKING YOU QUESTIONS
AND DIFFERENT THINGS, IT'S NOT
TO RATTLE YOUR CAGE OR
ANYTHING LIKE THAT... OR JUST
PROBE SO MUCH.
SHE WANTS TO BE CLOSE TO YOU
BECAUSE YOU MATTER TO HER.
YOU MATTER TO HER.
SHE WANTS TO BE CLOSE; SHE
WANTS TO BE CONNECTED AND BE
CLEAVING.
THAT'S THE FIRST C.
I JUST WANT TO READ EPHESIANS
5:33 ONCE AGAIN: NEVERTHELESS
LET EACH ONE OF YOU IN
PARTICULAR SO LOVE HIS OWN
WIFE AS HIMSELF, AND LET THE
WIFE SEE THAT SHE RESPECTS HER
HUSBAND.
GENERALLY, WOMEN DON'T NEED
TOO MUCH COACHING WHEN IT
COMES TO LOVING.
IT COMES TO THEM FAIRLY
NATURALLY.
BUT THEY DO NEED ENCOURAGEMENT
WHEN IT COMES TO RESPECTING.
RESPECT COMES NATURAL TO A MAN
JUST LIKE LOVING COMES NATURAL
TO A WOMAN.
WHAT MEN WANT MOST IS TO BE
RESPECTED.
WHAT WOMEN WANT MOST IS TO BE
LOVED.
AND IT IS WHAT THEY NEED MOST.
AND TO THE WIVES IN HERE: IF
YOU WANT YOUR HUSBAND TO BE
MORE AFFECTIONATE AND TO LOVE
YOU MORE, THE KEY TO GETTING
HIM TO DO THAT IS NOT LOVING
HIM MORE.
THE KEY TO GETTING HIM TO DO
THAT IS RESPECTING HIM MORE.
WHEN YOU GIVE HIM WHAT HE
NEEDS, HE WILL UNCONSCIOUSLY
GIVE YOU WHAT YOU NEED.
I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT THIS
VERSE.
IT SAYS, "HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR
WIVES." I THINK MOST OF US
KNOW AND WOULD AGREE THAT THAT
NEEDS TO BE UNCONDITIONAL.
IN FACT, ELSEWHERE IN
SCRIPTURE, YOU KNOW, WE ARE TO
LOVE EVEN AS WE HAVE BEEN
LOVED BY GOD THROUGH CHRIST
JESUS.
AND SO, LADIES, HOW MANY THINK
THAT YOUR HUSBAND JUST NEEDS
TO LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY?
EVEN WHEN YOU ARE MAYBE NOT
ACTING SUPER LOVABLE, HE STILL
NEEDS TO LOVE YOU.
I THINK THAT'S TRUE.
THIS IS A COMMAND TO BE
OBEYED: HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR
WIVES.
IT DOESN'T QUALIFY IF SHE ACTS
NICE AND DOES THE RIGHT
THINGS, THEN LOVE HER.
NO, JUST LOVE HER.
AND IF THAT'S TRUE, THEN IT IS
ALSO TRUE OF RESPECT.
IT NEEDS TO BE UNCONDITIONAL
IN THE SAME WAY THAT THE LOVE
IS UNCONDITIONAL.
IT'S NOT A SUGGESTION.
IT'S A COMMAND OF GOD TO BE
OBEYED.
AND I KNOW SOME WOMEN WILL
THINK, "I DON'T RESPECT
ANYTHING ABOUT HIM!" WELL,
GENERALLY, WHEN A WOMAN SAYS
THAT, SHE'S EITHER TOO ANGRY
OR TOO DISCOURAGED TO REALLY
LOOK AT THE THINGS IN HIM THAT
ARE WORTHY OF RESPECT.
NOW LET'S JUST START WITH THIS
BASIC PREMISE.
YOUR HUSBAND IS PROBABLY NOT
EVIL.
HE IS PROBABLY NOT OUT TO
DESTROY YOU.
HE PROBABLY IS BASICALLY A
GOOD GUY, WHICH IS WHY YOU
MARRIED HIM.
AND, GUYS, YOUR WIFE, SHE IS
NOT EVIL.
YOU KNOW?
SHE'S NOT THERE JUST TO CUT
YOU DOWN AND TO TEAR YOU
APART.
AND SO LET'S START FROM THAT
BASIC PREMISE, THAT OUR SPOUSE
BASICALLY WANTS TO DO RIGHT
AND WANTS TO BE RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, MOST MEN ARE NOT
FULL OF EVIL INTENT.
IN FACT, LADIES, THEY ARE
PROBABLY JUST AS FRUSTRATED
WITH YOU AS YOU MIGHT BE WITH
THEM.
AND I WANT YOU TO THINK OF IT:
YOUR MAN IS MADE IN GOD'S
IMAGE WITH GOD-GIVEN
ATTRIBUTES THAT ARE WORTHY OF
RESPECT.
AND YOU NEED TO TRY AND SEE IN
HIM WHAT GOD SEES IN HIM.
LOOK AT HIS GOOD HEART AND
BEGIN SHOWING RESPECT,
REGARDLESS OF HIS RESPONSE
BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS, MOST MEN
ARE STARVING FOR HONOR AND
ADMIRATION AND RESPECT JUST
LIKE THE GIRLS ARE STARVING TO
BE LOVED AND TO BE CHERISHED.
SO, LADIES, START VOCALIZING,
START DEMONSTRATING RESPECT.
YOU KNOW, THE BOOK THAT JANET
MENTIONED ABOUT LOVE AND
RESPECT, THE AUTHOR SAID YOU
NEED TO TRY THIS LITTLE TEST.
THINK ABOUT SOME THINGS THAT
YOU RESPECT YOUR HUSBAND FOR,
EVEN IF IT'S A SHORT LIST, AND
THEN WHEN HE'S NOT DISTRACTED
OR BUSY, GO INTO THE ROOM AND
SAY, "YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN
THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND THERE
ARE SOME THINGS I REALLY
RESPECT ABOUT YOU.
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW I
RESPECT YOU." AND THEN WITHOUT
WAITING FOR A RESPONSE, SAY,
"LOOK, I'VE GOT TO ATTEND TO
SOME THINGS," AND QUIETLY
LEAVE THE ROOM, AND SEE WHAT
HE DOES.
LIKELY, IT WILL BE,
"WWWWWW-WAIT A MINUTE!
WHAT THINGS?" YOU WILL BE
SURPRISED AT HOW STARVED MEN
ARE FOR RESPECT.
AND I HAVE THREE THINGS I WANT
TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT, THREE
THINGS TO CONSIDER, THAT ALL
HAVE TO DO WITH THE WAY GOD
HAS CREATED AND WIRED US UP AS
MEN.
THREE AREAS THAT MEN CRAVE TO
BE RESPECTED IN.
AND IF YOU WILL RESPECT THEM
THROUGH YOUR WORDS, THROUGH
YOUR ACTIONS... HONOR AND ADMIRE
HIM IN THESE THREE AREAS, I
PREDICT THAT HE WILL
UNCONSCIOUSLY BEGIN TO GIVE
YOU WHAT YOU NEED.
IF YOU WILL RESPECT HIM, HE'LL
LOVE YOU.
THE THREE AREAS YOU NEED TO
RESPECT HIM: IN HIS WORK, IN
HIS WISDOM, AND IN HIS WANTS.
HIS WORK, HIS WISDOM, HIS
WANTS.
AND I WILL TALK ABOUT THOSE AS
WE GO.
THE FIRST ONE IS WORK.
IT'S THE MAN'S GOD-GIVEN
NATURE TO PROVIDE AND TO
PROTECT.
GENESIS 2:15 SAYS, "THEN THE
LORD GOD TOOK THE MAN AND PUT
HIM IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN TO
TEND IT AND TO KEEP IT." TO
TEND MEANS TO WORK; TO KEEP
MEANS TO GUARD.
GOD PUT IT IN THE MAN TO
PROVIDE AND TO PROTECT, TO
WORK AND TO GUARD.
AND I THINK MOST WOMEN HAVE NO
IDEA THE IMPORTANCE THAT MEN
PLACE UPON THEIR WORK.
OUR IDENTITY IS TIED INTO IT.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE SAY WHEN
WE MEET ANOTHER GUY AND WHEN
WE ENGAGE ANOTHER GUY IN
CONVERSATION?
LIKE THE FIRST THING WE SAY,
"WHAT DO YOU DO?" IT'S BECAUSE
OUR IDENTITY IS TIED INTO
THAT.
IT'S JUST WHAT WE SAY.
NOW HAVE YOU TOLD YOUR MAN
THANK YOU FOR THE WORK YOU DO?
"I APPRECIATE YOU GETTING OUT
THERE AND DOING YOUR BEST TO
SUPPORT THIS FAMILY." SUPPORT
HIS EFFORTS AND DON'T EVER,
EVER PUT HIM DOWN.
AND IT'S ALL THE MORE
IMPORTANT... MAYBE YOUR HUSBAND
IS OUT OF WORK RIGHT NOW,
BETWEEN JOBS... THAT YOU
ENCOURAGE HIM IN THOSE AREAS.
SO IMPORTANT!
THERE WAS A LADY AND HER
HUSBAND WHO WERE INVITED BY
SOME FRIENDS TO COME OVER TO
THIS NEW HOUSE.
THIS COUPLE, VERY WELL OFF,
THEY HAD BUILT THEIR DREAM
HOME.
AND SO THEY BRING THEIR
FRIENDS OVER; THEY ARE GIVING
THIS HUSBAND AND WIFE THE
TOUR, AND THEY JUST LEAVE THIS
ENORMOUS MASTER BEDROOM WITH A
GIANT WALK-IN CLOSET, ORNATE
BATHTUB; AND, YOU KNOW, JUST
GIANT TILED-IN SHOWER WITH A
COUPLE OF SHOWER HEADS IN IT.
AND AS THEY ARE WALKING DOWN
THE STAIRS, THE WIFE SAYS TO
HER HUSBAND, THE ONES THAT ARE
BEING GIVEN THE TOUR, SAYS, "I
GUESS YOU'RE GOING TO NEED TO
GET A SECOND JOB." SHE JUST
SORT OF SAYS IT OFFHAND AND
DOESN'T THINK ANYTHING ABOUT
IT.
LET ME TELL YOU HOW THE MALE
PSYCHE INTERPRETS THAT:
"LOSER.
I DON'T RESPECT YOU.
WHAT YOU DO IS NOT ENOUGH, AND
I DON'T APPRECIATE YOU." SO HE
BEGINS TO SHUT DOWN.
AND TEN MINUTES LATER SHE
REALIZES SOMETHING IS UP, AND
SHE SAYS, "WHAT'S WRONG?"
"NOTHING." "WHAT'S GOING ON?"
"NOTHING." YOU SEE, SHE
DISRESPECTED HIM IN THAT AREA
OF HIS WORK.
THERE WAS ANOTHER LADY.
HER HUSBAND WAS GOING TO GO
AND ASK FOR A RAISE.
HE HAD BEEN WORKING HARD; HE'D
BEEN A BIG PRODUCER IN THE
COMPANY.
AND SO HE GOES IN TO WORK,
ASKS FOR THE RAISE, CALLS HIS
WIFE, SAYS, "LOOK, THE BOSS
SAID YES!" SHE GOES, "WAY TO
GO, HONEY!" COMES HOME,
CANDLELIGHT DINNER, AND
THERE'S A LITTLE CARD, YOU
KNOW, JUST SORT OF BEAUTIFULLY
INSCRIBED NEXT TO HIS PLATE,
SAID, "CONGRATULATIONS ON
GETTING THE RAISE.
I KNEW YOU WOULD DO IT.
THIS DINNER IS JUST TO TELL
YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU." THEY
HAD A GREAT TIME!
AFTERWARDS, THEY ARE IN THE
KITCHEN, AND SHE DOESN'T KNOW
IT, BUT ANOTHER NOTE IS
DROPPED OUT OF HER POCKET.
HE PICKS IT UP, OPENS IT, AND
IT SAYS, "DON'T WORRY ABOUT
NOT GETTING THE RAISE.
YOU DESERVE IT, ANYWAY.
THIS DINNER IS JUST TO TELL
YOU HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE
YOU." VERY, VERY SMART WOMAN
SHOWING RESPECT TO HER
HUSBAND.
AND, AS WELL, IT'S IN US TO
PROTECT YOU.
AND I KNOW, LADIES, A LOT OF
TIMES INTERPRET US WHEN WE
FALL INTO PROTECTION MODE AS
CONTROL MODE.
WE DON'T WANT TO CONTROL YOU.
BUT IT IS IN US TO PROTECT
YOU.
SOME LADIES TAKE IT AS BEING
CRITICAL.
IT'S NOT.
I REMEMBER WHEN JANET AND I
GOT MARRIED.
YOU KNOW, SHE'S A SMART GAL.
PUT HERSELF IN A UNIVERSITY.
SHE'S A REGISTERED NURSE.
AND ONE NIGHT SHE'S GETTING
READY TO GO OUT SOMEWHERE.
IT'S ABOUT 8:30.
I SAID, "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"
SHE SAID, "I'M GOING TO THE
MALL." I SAID, "NO, YOU'RE
NOT." SHE SAID, "YES, I AM." I
SAID, "NO, YOU'RE NOT." NOW WE
LIVED IN AN OKAY AREA AT THE
TIME, BUT THE MALL WAS IN A
REALLY BAD AREA, AND THERE HAD
BEEN A *** IN THE MALL
PARKING LOT THE PREVIOUS WEEK.
I STOOD IN FRONT OF THE DOOR.
SHE SAID, "GET OUT OF MY WAY."
I SAID, "I'M NOT MOVING.
YOU ARE NOT GOING TO THE
MALL." SHE SAID, "YES, I AM!"
SHE TRIED TO PUSH PAST ME, AND
I WOULDN'T LET HER PASS.
I SAID, "OVER MY DEAD BODY
YOU'RE GOING TO THE MALL." AND
SHE GOT SO UPSET WITH ME.
SHE THOUGHT I WAS TRYING TO
CONTROL HER!
BUT I WASN'T.
IT'S IN ME TO PROTECT HER.
AND, LADIES, WE WOULD DIE FOR
YOU.
UNDERSTAND THAT.
IT'S NOT ABOUT CONTROLLING
YOU.
YOU KNOW, THE HUSBAND THAT
KEEPS ON HIS WIFE, SAID,
"LOOK, BABY, YOU NEED TO SLOW
DOWN.
YOU DRIVE TOO FAST THROUGH THE
NEIGHBORHOOD." HE'S NOT
CRITICIZING YOUR DRIVING; HE'S
NOT TRYING TO CONTROL YOU.
HE IS THINKING, "OKAY, IF A
KID COMES CHASING A BALL OUT
BETWEEN TWO CARS IN THE
STREET, AND YOU HIT HIM, YOU
ARE GOING TO DEVASTATE ANOTHER
FAMILY, AND YOU ARE NOT GOING
TO BE ABLE TO LIVE WITH
YOURSELF." AND HE'S TRYING TO
PROTECT YOU FROM THAT.
AND HE'S THINKING ABOUT YOUR
FUTURE.
YOU KNOW, "ALL RIGHT, THERE'S
GOING TO BE LAWSUITS.
IF THINGS LIKE THAT HAPPEN, WE
COULD LOSE OUR HOME AND
EVERYTHING WE'VE WORKED FOR."
HE'S IN PROTECTION MODE.
IT'S NOT CONTROL MODE.
SO, LISTEN, VERBALIZE YOUR
ADMIRATION FOR HIS EFFORTS AND
YOUR RESPECT FOR HIS
ENDEAVORS.
AND WHY NOT SEND HIM A NOTE
THAT SAYS, "I LOVE THE WAY YOU
PROTECT ME.
I SO RESPECT THAT ABOUT YOU."
WATCH AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU FOR WORKING SO HARD,
AND I LOVE THE WAY YOU PROTECT
ME.
OKAY, FOR THE WOMEN, THE
SECOND THING: SHE WANTS TO BE
UNDERSTOOD.
SHE WANTS TO BE UNDERSTOOD.
FIRST PETER 3:7 IN THE NEW
LIVING, IT SAYS, "IN THE SAME
WAY YOU HUSBANDS MUST GIVE
HONOR TO YOUR WIVES.
TREAT YOUR WIFE WITH
UNDERSTANDING AS YOU LIVE
TOGETHER.
SHE MAY BE WEAKER THAN YOU
ARE, BUT SHE IS YOUR EQUAL
PARTNER IN GOD'S GIFT OF NEW
LIFE.
TREAT HER AS YOU SHOULD SO
YOUR PRAYERS WILL NOT BE
HINDERED." ANOTHER TRANSLATION
SAYS, "LIVE WITH YOUR WIVES IN
AN UNDERSTANDING WAY." SO IT'S
NOT LIKE YOU HAVE TO TOTALLY
UNDERSTAND YOUR WIFE.
I DON'T THINK YOU CAN TOTALLY
UNDERSTAND ANOTHER HUMAN
BEING.
BUT THE KEY IS FOR YOU GUYS TO
COME ACROSS TO HER LIKE YOU
WANT TO UNDERSTAND HER.
YOU WANT TO LIVE WITH HER IN
AN UNDERSTANDING WAY AND THAT
SHE KNOWS THAT YOU TRUST HER
HEART, THAT BASICALLY YOU KNOW
SHE'S A GOOD PERSON.
SHE IS VERY VULNERABLE WHEN
YOU DON'T SEEK TO UNDERSTAND
HER.
SHE WANTS TO BE HEARD AND
UNDERSTOOD.
WHEN YOU COMMUNICATE NOBODY
CAN UNDERSTAND WOMEN,
ESPECIALLY YOU, OR WHEN YOU
DISHONOR HER BY TREATING HER
LESS THAN AN EQUAL PARTNER IN
LIFE, YOU SHOOT YOURSELF IN
THE FOOT.
BECAUSE OF THE WAY THAT GOD
MADE US, WE CAN'T FUNCTION
WITH THAT KIND OF AN ATTITUDE.
GOD IS SAYING IN THIS VERSE,
"YOUR WIFE NEEDS TO BE HANDLED
WITH CARE.
SHE'S DELICATE, AND SHE'S
WORTHY OF HONOR." SHE WANTS TO
BE UNDERSTOOD.
AND TO BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND
HER, YOU HAVE TWO VERY
POWERFUL TOOLS AT YOUR
DISPOSAL, WHICH ARE YOUR EARS.
THESE ARE THE MOST POWERFUL
TOOLS YOU HAVE FOR HER.
JUST LISTEN TO YOUR WIFE, AND
SHE'S MOST LIKELY TO FEEL
UNDERSTOOD.
HOW MANY KNOW THAT?
YOU JUST LISTEN TO HER.
IT CAN BE... SOMETIMES, FOR
HUSBANDS, THAT CAN BE A MAJOR
HURDLE, A MAJOR DIFFICULTY TO
DO BECAUSE YOU ARE WIRED TO
FIX A SITUATION.
WHEN SHE STARTS TELLING YOU
SOMETHING, YOU ARE GOING
ANALYZING FIGURING OUT A
SOLUTION.
THINK ABOUT THIS: A COUPLE
DATING.
THEY ARE GOING TO COLLEGE,
THEY'RE DATING, AND SHE'S
HAVING A LITTLE BIT OF TROUBLE
IN HER SPANISH CLASS.
AND SO THEY'RE AT THE LIBRARY,
AND SHE STARTS TELLING HIM
ABOUT SOME OF THIS TROUBLE AND
WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THE
SPANISH CLASS.
AND SO HIS MIND IS GOING AND
THINKING, "OKAY.
I KNOW WHAT WE CAN DO.
WE CAN MAKE A PLAN TO STUDY SO
THAT YOU JUST STUDY LITTLE
PIECES AT A TIME.
WE'LL MAKE A SCHEDULE OUT." SO
HE STARTS MAKING A SCHEDULE
OUT, AND HE'S WORKING AT IT,
AND PRETTY SOON HE FINISHES
IT, AND HE LOOKS UP, AND SHE'S
GONE.
"WHERE DID SHE GO?" HE'S KIND
OF BEWILDERED.
AND THEN HE SEES HER OVER
TALKING TO HER GIRLFRIENDS,
AND THEY'RE KIND OF LAUGHING
AND JOKING.
AND HE'S LIKE, "WHAT IS GOING
ON?" HE'S KIND OF BEWILDERED.
AND HE MOTIONS FOR HER TO COME
OVER.
AND HE SAYS, "WELL, DID I
SOLVE YOUR PROBLEM OKAY?" AND
SHE SAID, "NO, NOT REALLY." HE
SAID, "WELL, WHY ARE YOU
HAPPY?" SHE SAID, "WELL, YOU
LISTENED TO ME, AND I JUST
FELT BETTER." THAT'S WHAT
HAPPENS.
WHEN YOU GET LISTENED TO... AS
WOMEN, WHEN WE GET LISTENED
TO, WE FEEL UNDERSTOOD, AND WE
FEEL BETTER ABOUT THE WHOLE
SITUATION.
SHE JUST WANTED A LISTENING
EAR.
TRYING TO FIX INSTEAD OF
LISTEN IS OFTEN A BIG POINT OF
CONFLICT IN MARRIAGES.
SO GUYS, YOU CAN JUST ASK.
JUST SAY, "DO YOU WANT A
SOLUTION?
OR DO YOU JUST WANT ME TO
LISTEN?" AND SHE'LL LET YOU
KNOW.
ANOTHER THING THAT GOES ALONG
WITH THIS UNDERSTANDING IS SHE
WANTS TO HAVE PEACE BETWEEN
YOU AND HER.
IT'S A REALLY, REALLY, REALLY
POWERFUL THING FOR ME TO KNOW
THAT WE ARE AT PEACE, THAT
THERE IS NOT SOMETHING BETWEEN
US, IN EVERY WAY.
AND YOU CAN KIND OF THINK
ABOUT IT LIKE THIS, OF TWO
DIFFERENT ELECTRICAL CIRCUITS.
AND IN THE ONE CIRCUIT WHEN
ONE LIGHT GOES OUT, EVERY
LIGHT GOES OUT.
SAY THERE IS 3,000 LIGHTS.
ONE LIGHT GOES OUT, ALL THE
REST GO OUT.
ANOTHER CIRCUIT, 1,000 LIGHTS
GO OUT, BUT THE 2,000 STILL
REMAIN ON.
AND THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN.
THE WOMAN IS THE ONE WHERE ONE
GOES OUT, THE WHOLE LIGHTS GO
OUT BECAUSE ANYTHING... BECAUSE
SHE IS SO INTEGRATED, YOU
KNOW, EVERYTHING WORKS
TOGETHER IN HER BEING... KIND OF
LIKE IT SAYS MEN ARE LIKE
WAFFLES, COMPARTMENTS, AND
WOMEN ARE LIKE SPAGHETTI WHERE
ALL THE DIFFERENT THINGS ARE
TIED TOGETHER.
SO IF ONE THING GOES OUT OR IF
SOMETHING GOES A LITTLE AWRY,
IT AFFECTS HER WHOLE ENTIRE
BEING.
AND THAT'S WHY SHE WANTS TO
ALWAYS BE AT PEACE WITH YOU.
AND, YOU KNOW, REALLY,
CONFLICT IN A MARRIAGE, IT'S
NOT REALLY THE SIGN OF A BAD
MARRIAGE BECAUSE FIRST
CORINTHIANS 7:28, IT SAYS
THIS: "THOSE WHO MARRY WILL
HAVE TROUBLE." I MEAN, WHEN
YOU GET TWO PEOPLE TOGETHER,
TWO INDIVIDUALS TO BECOME ONE,
IT TAKES A LITTLE BIT OF
WORKING AND SOME... THERE'S
GOING TO BE SOME CONFLICT TO
WORK IT ALL OUT.
BUT IT'S SO WORTH IT!
SO WORTH IT.
AND I WOULD SAY THIS: MARRIAGE
IS PROBABLY THE HARDEST THING
I'VE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE,
PROBABLY THE HARDEST THING
WE'VE EVER DONE IN OUR LIVES,
EVEN OF A MINISTER OR ANYTHING
ELSE.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S ALSO THE MOST REWARDING,
THE MOST REWARDING.
AND EVERYTHING IN YOUR LIFE
FLOWS OUT OF YOUR MARRIAGE
RELATIONSHIP, IF YOU'RE
MARRIED.
[MUSIC]
I WISH WE WOULD HAVE
HAD TIME TO FINISH THAT.
BOTH JANET AND MYSELF HAD SO
MUCH MORE TO SHARE, SO MUCH
MORE TO SAY.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU'RE JUST
GOING TO HAVE TO TUNE IN NEXT
WEEK FOR PART 2 BECAUSE WE
WANT TO BRING YOU THE ENTIRETY
OF "WOMEN RESPECT YOUR MAN,
AND MEN LOVE YOUR WOMEN" YOU
NEED TO JUST GET THE SECOND
PART OF IT NEXT WEEK.
AND UNTIL THEN, I JUST PRAY
THAT GOD WOULD BLESS YOU, AND
THAT YOU WOULD PUT INTO
PRACTICE THE THINGS THAT
YOU'VE HEARD.
AND I'M SURE THERE'S SOMEBODY
WATCHING RIGHT NOW, AND YOU
FEEL LIKE YOUR MARRIAGE IS
OVER, AND IT CAN'T BE
REPAIRED.
GOD CAN EVEN RESURRECT A DEAD
LOVE, AND YOU JUST NEED TO PUT
IT IN HIS HANDS AND SEE WHAT
HE WILL DO.
I JUST WANT TO CHALLENGE YOU,
WHATEVER IT IS THAT GOD WANTS
YOU TO DO, YOU BE OBEDIENT TO
HIM.
I DARE YOU TO PRAY, "GOD, HERE
I AM.
I WANT TO DO YOUR WILL.
YOU SHOW ME THE NEXT STEP I
NEED TO TAKE IN MY
RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU AND IN
THIS MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP."
FRIEND, GOD WILL GUIDE YOU.
HEY, AGAIN, JOIN US NEXT WEEK.
HOPE TO SEE YOU THEN.
BLESS YOU.