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>> male narrator: WHEN STORAGE
UNITS ARE ABANDONED...
IN THE GREAT STATE OF TEXAS...
THE TREASURES WITHIN...
>> OOH, SO NEAT.
>> narrator: ARE PUT UP FOR
AUCTION.
>> HERE, WALT.
>> YEAH.
>> GIVE IT TO ME!
>> YEAH!
narrator: COMING UP...
>> TODAY, I'M GONNA MESS WITH
BUBBA.
WHOO!
YOU'RE JUST SO CUTE!
THIS'LL BE LIKE STEALING CANDY
FROM A PUDGY BABY.
>> HEY, GIRL, HOW YOU DOING?
NO SOCIALIZING TODAY?
>> TIME TO FLOAT LIKE A
BUTTERFLY AND STING LIKE
A QUEEN BEE.
>> I WANT SOME COMPETITION!
>> SHUT IT!
>> NO, I'M NOT GOING TO.
>> NO RICKY TODAY, SO HE CAN'T
HOLD ME BACK FROM ANYTHING.
AW, HELL, YES.
IT'S LIKE A BABY SEAL.
>> I'VE GOT SOME GOGGLES WE CAN
PUT ON AND YOU CAN WATCH 'EM.
>> [gurgles]
RICKY'S GONNA KILL ME.
[country western music]
>> NEVER KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE GONNA GET.
THAT'S WHY WE DO THIS, BUB.
CHA-CHING!
>> THAT'S A GRAND ALL DAY LONG.
>> THIS'LL LOOK GOOD AFTER
I PAINT IT.
>> I SEE TREASURES.
DOLLAR SIGNS!
>> THIS IS OUR TURF.
>> STEP ASIDE, BOYS.
>> WE'RE GONNA BUY EVERYTHING.
>> WOMEN POWER! OOPS!
>> ♪ MONEY OWNS THIS TOWN ♪
>> YEAH!
>> ♪ MONEY OWNS THIS TOWN ♪
>> HEY.
>> ♪ YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT ♪
♪ I'M TALKIN' ABOUT ♪
>> YES.
>> ♪ MONEY OWNS THIS TOWN ♪
>> AND IT'S SOLD!
TODAY, WE'RE IN DALLAS,
TEXAS, THE NINTH BIGGEST CITY IN
THE USA.
I'LL BET OUT OF ITS 1.2 MILLION
PEOPLE, I AM THE ONLY AUCTIONEER
WEARING A PINK SHIRT.
>> SO TODAY, I'M GONNA MESS
WITH BUBBA.
SINCE HE WEARS THE SAME GREEN
HAT TO EVERY AUCTION, I DECIDED
TO GO BUY MYSELF A GREEN U.T.
HAT SINCE I ACTUALLY WENT TO
U.T.
FIRST OF ALL.
RICKY AND BUBBA ARE HIGH
ROLLERS, SO IF I CAN STEAL
BUBBA'S MOJO, I CAN STEAL THEIR
LOCKERS.
>> YOU KNOW, THE GUYS ARE THE
BIGGEST PROBLEMS AT THESE
AUCTIONS.
THEY NEED A WAKEUP CALL, AND IT
GOES BY THE NAME OF
JENNY GRUMBLES.
I'M NOT GONNA TAKE ANY [bleep]
FROM ANYTHING WITH A ***.
AND THAT INCLUDES DOGS, CATS,
AND ANYTHING ELSE IN THE ANIMAL
KINGDOM.
BEING A *** HAS PAID OFF FOR
ME LATELY.
WHY STOP NOW?
[horn beeps]
>> HEY, JENNY!
>> HEY, GIRL, HOW YOU DOING?
>> WHAT'S UP?
>> WALK BY, NO SOCIALIZING
TODAY?
>> DID SOMEBODY SAY SOMETHING?
>> WHY COME UP HERE AND COMPETE
WITH ME WHEN YOU CAN COME TO
ATHENS AND BUY WHAT YOU WANT?
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.
>> WELL, I DON'T UNDERSTAND, WHY
YOU BUY SO MUCH CRAP.
>> I HAVE TO HAVE IT.
I HAVE 1,300 CUSTOMERS.
I BUY EVERYTHING SO I CAN HAVE
INVENTORY FOR MY WEEKLY AUCTION,
AND TODAY AIN'T GONNA BE ANY
DIFFERENT.
>> WELL, NO RICKY TODAY.
HE GOT BOGGED DOWN IN LAMPASAS.
BUT WE STILL GOT TO FILL UP
THE WAREHOUSE, SO...
RICKY'S NOT HERE TODAY, SO HE
CAN'T HOLD ME BACK FROM
ANYTHING.
>> OH, HEY, BUBBA!
>> MORNING, BUBBA.
>> I LIKE YOUR HAT.
>> I'M YOUR MINI ME TODAY.
>> IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE?
>> [laughs]
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> SO DON'T BE BOTHERED IF I
JUST FOLLOW YOU AROUND ALL DAY,
OKAY?
[laughs]
>> OH, MY GOD.
>> WHERE'S RICKY?
>> WHO?
>> RICKY.
>> WHO?
>> RICKY!
>> I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU'RE
TALKIN' ABOUT.
>> I ALREADY PSYCHED YOU OUT.
YOU ALREADY FORGOT YOUR PARTNER.
WHOO!
HE'S ALL ALONE.
THIS'LL BE LIKE STEALING CANDY
FROM A PUDGY BABY.
YOU'RE JUST SO CUTE!
[laughter]
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
[groans]
>> BUBBA, DON'T WALK AWAY.
BUBBA.
>> ALL RIGHT, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, HERE ARE THE RULES
FOR TODAY.
THE FIRST THING WE'RE GONNA DO,
WE'RE GONNA OPEN THE DOOR.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE FIVE MINUTES
TO LOOK AROUND.
NO STEPPING INSIDE, NO REACHING
INSIDE, NO TOUCHING ANY BOXES.
TODAY'S SALE IS A CASH ONLY
SALE.
>> BUBBA. HEY, BUBBA.
>> THERE'LL BE NO DASH FOR CASH.
PLEASE BID ONLY WITH THE MONEY
THAT YOU HAVE IN YOUR POCKETS.
>> WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
>> ARE YOU READY TO GO?
all: YEAH!
>> HAMMER UP, LET'S GO!
>> COME ON, BUBBA.
LET'S GO RUN IN THE FIELDS.
[laughs]
>> HEY.
>> GOT SOME TOOLS, THE LADDERS.
IT LOOKS LIKE IT WAS MAYBE A
CARPENTER, WHICH IS GOOD 'CAUSE
I CAN USE A LOT OF THIS STUFF.
>> NOTHING MUCH OF VALUE OR THAT
I CAN PUT IN MY SHOP, BUT I
THINK BUBBA MIGHT BE ALL OVER
THIS, SO THAT MEANS I MUST BE
ALL OVER THIS.
>> SOMEBODY FIXED UP THEIR
HOUSE AND THIS IS ALL THE
REMNANTS LEFT OVER.
SO IF IT'S CHEAP, I'LL BUY IT,
BUT PROBABLY LEAVE IT FOR KENNY.
>> A GOOD LITTLE TOOL LOCKER.
I LIKE THE PORTHOLE, THOUGH.
AH, IT'S A GOOD UNIT.
I LIKE IT.
AND IF I LIKE IT, I BUY IT.
>> ALL RIGHT, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN. 25--
>> 100.
>> GOT 100, NOW 125.
125 ANYONE? 125? I'LL SELL IT.
125 GOING ONCE.
125 GOING TWICE.
NO, Y'ALL GONNA MAKE ME DO IT.
I SOLD IT RIGHT THERE, $100
BILL.
>> I WANT SOME COMPETITION!
SOMEBODY BID!
>> YOU WANT COMPETITION?
I'LL THROW DOWN.
>> OKAY, AUCTION FANS, GET
READY.
IT'S TIME FOR THE REAL DEAL.
A TEXAS SHOWDOWN.
IN ONE CORNER, WE HAVE THE NEW
BIG MAN ON THE BLOCK, THE EAST
TEXAS HELLCAT, KENNY "EXTREME"
STOWE.
IN THE OTHER CORNER, WE HAVE THE
REIGNING CHAMPION...
>> [belches]
>> THE BADASS FROM LAMPASAS,
CLINTON "BUBBA" SMITH.
THIS ONE SHOULD BE A DOOZY,
SPORTS FANS.
>> YEAH!
>> KENNY COMES OUT SWINGING
HARD.
>> YEAH!
>> BUT BUBBA LANDS A WICKED
COMBINATION.
>> YEAH.
>> YEAH!
>> NO!
>> BOOM, SOLD IT TO BUBBA.
$100 BILL.
BUBBA HAS A DISTINCT ADVANTAGE
IN BOTH WEIGHT AND BANKROLL.
>> WHOO!
>> YEAH.
>> BUBBA CONNECTS RIGHT OUT OF
THE GATE.
>> YEAH.
>> OUT.
>> KENNY'S GOT NO DEFENSE.
KENNY NEEDS TO REGROUP.
>> YEAH.
>> YEP.
>> OOH, THE CLASSIC ROPE-A-DOPE.
SOLD IT RIGHT HERE, $175.
THIS DOG'S GOT SOME BITE.
>> YEP!
>> NOW A ONE-TWO COMBO BY
KENNY...
>> YEAH.
>> IS RETURNED FROM BUBBA, BUT
THE EAST TEXAN TAKES IT.
SOLD IT IN THE BACK FOR $150.
MR. EXTREME IS RIGHT BACK IN IT.
>> YEAH!
>> NICE COMBO BY KENNY.
>> YEAH.
>> BUBBA CONNECTS.
>> YEAH!
>> KENNY'S ON HIS HEELS.
>> YEAH!
>> NO.
>> ONE, TWO, BOOM!
I SOLD IT RIGHT HERE, $400.
>> THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
>> IT WAS A FIGHT TO THE FINISH,
BUT IT'S SAFE TO SAY THE BIGGER
MAN WON.
BUBBA TAKES IT THREE ROUNDS TO
TWO.
>> YOU SEE THAT, BUDDY?
THAT'S THE WAY YOU DO IT!
THAT'S THE WAY YOU PLAY
THE GAME.
>> WHAT'S HE CROWING ABOUT?
I JUST GAVE HIM A BEAT DOWN.
***.
[cheering]
I LIKE ALL THE TOOLBOXES,
INDUSTRIAL RACKS.
THEY CARED ABOUT IT.
THEY PUT IT ALL NICE AND NEAT.
THEY WERE WORKING OUT OF HERE.
I WON THE BOXING MATCH, BUT I'M
GOING FOR ONE MORE.
>> THIS IS A FANTASTIC UNIT.
YOU'VE GOT A DRESSER, VINTAGE,
ALREADY PAINTED.
THE GUYS HAVE HAD ENOUGH FUN.
TIME TO FLOAT LIKE A BUTTERFLY
AND STING LIKE A QUEEN BEE.
>> EH, $25 LITTLE CART.
GOT A COUPLE LADDERS.
THEY'RE WORTH ABOUT 50 BUCKS
A PIECE.
THIS IS DEFINITELY A
CONTRACTOR'S UNIT OF SOME KIND.
>> THERE'S A LOT OF TOOLS, WHICH
IS ALWAYS GOOD.
I MEAN TOOLS ARE THE NUMBER ONE
SELLER ALWAYS.
THERE IS A LOT OF VALUE IN HERE.
IT'S JUST IN THE BOXES HIDDEN.
THIS IS THE BEST LOCKER OF THE
DAY, THIS IS GONNA BE
A SHOWDOWN.
>> BETWEEN WHO?
>> WELL, I KNOW ME AND SOMEONE
ELSE.
[laughs]
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> ALL RIGHT, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, $100 BILL.
>> YEAH.
>> 100 THERE.
>> 500!
>> 500.
>> SEE?
ANIMALS WITH PENISES GIVING ME
PROBLEMS.
600.
>> 600.
>> YEAH.
>> 700. NOW 800.
NOW 900.
>> YEAH.
>> 1,000.
>> YEAH.
>> 1,100. NOW 1,200.
>> HALF.
>> 1,150.
NOW 1,200. NOW 1,250.
>> YEP.
>> 1,250. NOW 1,300.
>> YEP!
>> YEAH.
>> 1,350.
>> NOPE.
>> 1,400. I WANNA GET 1,400.
>> I KNEW I'D GET HIM BACK IN.
>> 1,400 GOING TWICE.
I SOLD IT RIGHT HERE, $1,350.
>> THREE OTHER LOCKERS I BOUGHT,
THEY'RE GOING TO CHARITY.
THIS ONE HERE HAS TO BE MY
MONEYMAKER.
WELL, RIGHT OFF THE BAT, ONE,
TWO, FOUR LADDERS.
PROBABLY 400 BUCKS RIGHT THERE.
I WASN'T GONNA LET KENNY GET
ANYTHING, BUT I MAY HAVE PAID
A LITTLE BIT TOO MUCH.
AND THERE'S NOTHING IN THERE.
THAT PIECE IS PROBABLY ABOUT
200 BUCKS.
ONE, TWO, THREE--THERE'S
PROBABLY ABOUT 50 BUCKS WORTH OF
BROOMS IN HERE.
OH YEAH.
THAT'S, LIKE, A BRAND NEW
RECIPROCATING SAW.
THERE'S 75 BUCKS RIGHT THERE.
THERE WE GO.
SILK FLOWERS.
NICKEL AND DIMING AGAIN,
25 BUCKS.
THE BOX IS ACTUALLY TEN BUCKS.
THREE MORE BINS OF SILK FLOWERS.
PROBABLY 20, 40, 60 BUCKS.
SILK FLOWERS, ANOTHER 20.
GOOD LORD.
SO THAT'S GONNA BE THE SAME
THING, 20 BUCKS.
I GUESS THEY CAN USE THESE
FLOWERS TO DECORATE MY GRAVE
'CAUSE RICKY'S GONNA KILL ME.
POLARIS ROBOTIC CLEANER.
THE ONLY THING I KNOW POLARIS IS
FOUR WHEELERS.
OH, HELL YES.
>> POLARIS ROBOTIC CLEANER.
THE ONLY THING I KNOW POLARIS IS
FOUR WHEELERS.
OH, HELL YES.
I FOUND THE OTHER PART.
THIS GOES TO THIS.
IT'S A POOL CLEANING KIT.
THIS IS THE CONTROL.
THAT'S LIKE THE CADILLAC OF POOL
CLEANING RIGHT THERE.
I'LL JUST HAVE TO GET IT CHECKED
OUT.
I HAVE A FEELING THE MORE THIS
THING SUCKS, THE MORE MONEY IT'S
WORTH.
AND ACTUALLY I'M MORE CURIOUS
ABOUT WHY IT'S FOUR-WHEEL DRIVE
THAN I AM HOW MUCH IT COSTS.
HOLY COW.
HEAT STROKE.
I NEED A POOL.
>> HEY.
>> WHOO!
>> YOU GOTTA BUY ONE.
>> YOU KNOW--
>> YOU GOT TO BUY ONE.
>> SHUT IT!
>> NO, I'M NOT GOING TO.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO LEARN TO
LISTEN.
>> [groans]
>> GOT UNDER YOUR SKIN YET?
IT'S LIKE A THORN RIGHT UNDER
YOUR FINGERNAIL.
>> I'M ABOUT TO SHOVE A THORN UP
YOUR ***.
>> FIND YOU SOMETHING AND SHOVE
IT UP THERE. GO ON.
>> I AUTOMATICALLY SEE SOME END
TABLES BACK THERE.
MID-CENTURY AND THEY HAVE A COOL
DESIGN ON 'EM, SO I LOVE THOSE.
THIS BED IS PRETTY COOL.
I'VE NEVER SEEN LEGS THAT BIG,
EXCEPT FOR KENNY.
[laughs]
>> THERE'S TWO GREAT DRESSERS,
A GOOD KITCHEN TABLE.
I MEAN THIS IS, LIKE, SOMEONE'S
WHOLE HOUSE IN HERE.
THIS IS FANTASTIC.
>> POOL TABLE, BIG AQUARIUM.
I THINK RICKY MIGHT GET A LITTLE
PISSED IF I DON'T BID ON THIS.
>> I LIKE THE CHEST AND THE
DRESSER THAT MATCHES.
LOOKS LIKE AN END TABLE IN THERE
THAT GOES WITH IT.
COULD BE A COMPLETE BEDROOM
SUITE WITH THE RAILS, THE
MATTRESS AND BOX SPRING, SO I'MA
HAVE TO GET ON MY GAME FACE ON
THIS ONE.
>> ALL RIGHT, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, 25.
>> YEAH.
>> 25, NOW 50.
>> YEAH.
>> $50 THERE, NOW 75.
>> YEAH.
>> 100 TO YOU.
NOW 125. 125. NOW 150.
NOW 175 BACK TO YOU.
NOW 200.
>> YEAH.
>> NOW 225, NOW 250.
>> YEAH.
>> 250. CAN I GET 250? NOW 275.
275, AND 300.
IS THAT A 500?
500, AND YOU'RE OUT, SIR.
NOW IT'S 600.
>> YEAH.
>> NOW 700.
>> YEP.
>> NOW 7--800.
800? 800 GOING ONCE!
GOING TWICE.
>> YEAH.
>> 800.
NOW 900, 900, 900.
>> DANG IT!
ISN'T HE OUT OF MONEY YET?
>> YEP.
>> 900.
>> NOW 1,000.
>> YEAH.
>> YOU GOT IT THERE.
NOW 1,100.
1,100 ANYBODY? 1,100?
>> YEAH.
>> 1,100, NOW 1,200. NOW 1,200.
Y'ALL NOT QUITTING ME NOW,
ARE YOU?
1,200 GOING ONCE.
1,200 GOING TWICE.
I SOLD IT RIGHT HERE, $1,100.
>> YEAH, IN YOUR FACE, BUBBA.
>> [laughs]
>> [whooshing]
[chuckles]
>> WELL, I'M GOING HOME
EMPTY-HANDED.
WHY?
BECAUSE KENNY AND BUBBA, TYPICAL
GUYS, JUST HAD TO FIGHT ALL DAY
TO SEE WHO HAS THE BIGGER UNIT.
>> I BOUGHT THREE LOCKERS FOR
$725.
IT'S TIME TO SEE HOW MUCH MONEY
I'LL MAKE.
SEE WHAT WE GOT.
EARLY AMERICAN PARTICLE BOARD.
LOOKS LIKE IT'S BROKE.
THIS STOVE'S ABOUT 100 BUCKS
TIME WE CLEAN IT UP.
'COURSE, THE REFRIGERATOR,
IF IT WORKS, YOU'RE LOOKING AT
$75 ON IT.
I REALLY LIKED THIS CABINET WHEN
I FIRST SEEN IT.
THAT'S 25 BUCKS.
THIS LOCKER BROUGHT ME A LITTLE
BIT OF MONEY.
I'M HOPING THE NEXT TWO WILL GET
ME UP IN PROFIT.
THIS THE ONE I GIVE $100
FOR, AND FIRST THING I NOTICED
WAS A COUPLE OF THESE LADDERS.
25 BUCKS FOR THESE.
THEN YOU GOT THE LITTLE BIT
BIGGER BOYS OF THE LADDERS.
THAT'S PROBABLY ABOUT A $40
BILL.
SEEN THIS HANGING UP THERE AND
IT'S A REAL GOOD MOUNTAIN BIKE.
IT'S ABOUT 75 BUCKS.
I'M GONNA PUT THIS STUFF BACK IN
THE LOCKER, AND WE GOT ONE MORE
TO GET TO TODAY.
OH, YEAH.
REMEMBER THIS ONE.
THIS IS PRETTY COOL.
IT'S KIND OF A SPORT BIKE.
WE'LL SELL IT FOR 25 BUCKS.
VCR AND TV, THAT'S 20 BUCKS.
KIND OF ENTERTAINMENT CENTER
THAT'LL PROBABLY BRING $15 JUST
FOR THE WOOD THAT'S IN IT.
THIS IS A SERVER, ABOUT 40
BUCKS.
THIS WASHER AND DRYER IS A
GOOD SET.
BOTH OF 'EM MATCH.
THIS IS $400.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO WORK A LITTLE
HARDER AT MY AUCTION THIS WEEK,
BUT HEY, NOBODY GOT THE BEST OF
ME.
FIND THE OTHER ONE OF THESE, YOU
KNOW, IT'LL GET REALLY WILD.
DEFINITELY LOOKS LIKE A JENNY
SHOE TO ME.
FIND THE OTHER ONE, MAY DONATE
THEM TO HER.
>> 252.
SO MY LUCKY HAT WORKED.
BUBBA WENT CRAZY AND I GOT A
GREAT LOCKER.
ALL RIGHT.
WELL, HERE'S A DICTIONARY.
I MEAN IT'S COOL.
PROBABLY 25 BUCKS.
HERE'S A FISH TANK.
[grunts]
SELL IT FOR 75 BUCKS.
THIS TABLE IS PRETTY [bleep], SO
SALVATION ARMY IF THEY TAKE IT.
OOH, THIS IS CUTE.
IS THAT MIRROR?
YEAH.
PROBABLY SELL THIS FOR $125 IN
THE SHOP.
LET'S SEE.
VAST ARRAIGNMENT OF PARTS.
THAT'S PROBABLY 75 BUCKS.
OH MY GOD.
I'VE HAD TIME WITH ONE OF THESE
BEFORE.
ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS READY TO SEE
IT?
>> I THINK IT'S ABOUT TIME.
UM, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
>> I'M NOT REALLY EXCITED ABOUT
HAVING ANOTHER ONE.
COME ON, LUCKY HAT.
REACTIVATE.
OH YES.
THERE'S A MATCHING END TABLE TO
THIS MIRRORED END TABLE, SO I'LL
SELL THE SET FOR 250 BUCKS
AT THE SHOP.
THESE END TABLES ARE A GREAT
SET, 200 BUCKS.
AND THEN MATCHING DRESSER, SELL
IT FOR 175.
I SEE ONE, TWO, FOUR MATTRESSES.
[scoffs]
THAT'S A TRIP TO THE DUMP.
WHAT THE HECK?
OOH!
>> WHAT THE HECK?
OOH!
SOLO WHEEL.
OH, MY GOD.
YOU JUST RIDE IT ON THE WHEEL,
ON THE ONE WHEEL.
MOST UNICYCLES, THEY HAVE SEATS.
THIS ONE HAS NO ATTACHMENT FOR
ANYTHING ELSE OTHER THAN JUST
THE POWER CORD, SO FOR SURE NEED
TO GET IT CHECKED OUT.
MY DREAM OF JOINING THE
CIRCUS...
[sighs]
MIGHT COME TRUE.
[gasps]
YEAH, SO I GUESS
IT'S LIKE THIS.
[laughs]
>> HEY, BUDDY, HOW ARE YOU?
I GOT YOU A SEAT SAVED HERE.
WE LOVE TO HAVE YOU HERE,
ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU GOT THAT
CREDIT CARD OR THAT CHECK BOOK.
HAND UP, MOUTH SHUT, LET ME DO
THE REST.
MY WEEKLY AUCTION IS JUST ABOUT
READY TO GET STARTED.
TODAY, I GOT MY THREE NEW
LOCKERS AND THE REST OF MY
WAREHOUSE UP FOR SALE.
I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA BUY
SOME JUNK.
>> [laughs]
>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NOT GONNA
BUY NOTHING?
LOOK AROUND HERE AND SEE WHAT I
GOT.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY.
LET'S GET STARTED.
FIRST ITEM UP, BOYS, WHAT HAVE
YOU GOT OVER HERE?
LET'S GO.
HEY, LOT B, BOYS, RIGHT YONDER
ON YOU, GOOD HANGING WALL
PLAQUE.
RIGHT THERE, $10.
12.50 [auctioneering]
NOW 17.50. 17.50
>> YEAH!
>> NOW 20, 20, 20, 20, 20.
[auctioneering] $20.
SOLD IT, 17.50, NUMBER 460.
SOLD, $15.
HOLD THAT UP.
SOLD 37.50.
AND I HAVE SOLD IT.
SOLD IT!
SOLD IT!
AND I SOLD IT!
EAT YOUR HEART OUT, WALT.
DON'T SIT ON THAT MONEY.
THE BANK DON'T PAY YOU ENOUGH.
>> I'LL BID ON SOMETHING WHEN
IT'S WORTH BIDDING ON.
>> EVERETT.
FOLKS, THAT COME OFF OF A TOP
OF ONE OF THEM BEACON TOWERS
WITH THE BIG THING ON IT THAT
GOES AROUND.
PUT IT ON TOP OF YOUR HOUSE.
EVERYBODY'LL KNOW WHAT'S GOING
ON IN THE HOUSE.
HERE WE GO, BOYS.
RIGHT YONDER, IT DON'T GET NO
BETTER THAN THAT.
RIGHT THERE, 20.
30.
30, 40, 40, 50, NOW 60
[auctioneering] $100 NOW, 110,
110, 110, 110.
I GOT 110, 120, 130, 140, 150,
160, 170, 180, 190, 190.
NOW 200, 225, 250, 275.
NOW 300, NOW 325.
>> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
>> NOW 350, NOW 375, NOW 400,
NOW 500, NOW 600.
NOW 600, NOW 700.
I GOT 600 IN, 700 TO BUY.
IT'LL BE 700.
THIS IS WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, BUT
SIT ON YOUR MONEY, AND DON'T
LISTEN TO ME.
600, 625, 625, 625, 625, 625,
625.
>> NAH.
>> SOLD IT, $600.
DID KENNY DO THAT?
STOLED IT, NOT SOLD IT.
ALL RIGHT, FOLKS.
THAT'S IT.
WE THANK Y'ALL FOR COMIN' OUT
TONIGHT.
WE APPRECIATE IT.
WE'LL SEE Y'ALL NEXT MONDAY
NIGHT.
GOD BLESS YOU.
HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.
NOW FOR THE MOMENT OF TRUTH.
WELL, BABE, HOW'D IT COME OUT
TONIGHT?
>> SOMEWHERE AROUND $6,500.
>> REALLY?
$6,500?
>> YOU DID GOOD TONIGHT.
>> I JUST DID WHAT I DO BEST.
I CAN SELL ICE CREAM TO ESKIMOS,
AND I ALWAYS MAKE MONEY.
I MIGHT HAVE TO BUY YOU
A STEAK SOMETIME.
>> I'M TAKING MY POOL CLEANER TO
A PROFESSIONAL POOL GUY TO SEE
IF I'M SWIMMING IN PROFIT OR
DROWNING IN DEBT.
[groans]
>> THIS IS ONE OF THE NEWEST
CLEANERS THAT'S OUT IN THE
MARKET.
THIS IS FOUR-WHEEL DRIVE.
>> WHY DO WE NEED A FOUR-WHEEL
DRIVE POOL CLEANER?
>> YOU GOT TO GO OVER BUMPS LIKE
THOSE JETS THERE.
SOME PEOPLE HAVE RAISED DRAINS.
THIS THING WILL GO UP THE WALLS.
>> SO HOW BIG OF STUFF WILL THIS
PICK UP?
>> ANYTHING THAT'LL FIT IN THAT
HOLE.
TAKES A 90-DEGREE TURN AND IT'S
IN THE BASKET.
>> WHAT'S THE CRAZIEST THING YOU
HAD TO TAKE OUT OF A POOL?
>> UH--
>> DEAD BODY?
>> NO.
>> NO?
>> BUT DEAD ANIMALS, OF COURSE.
>> DO YOU EVER FIND, LIKE,
SNICKER BARS OR--YOU KNOW KIDS.
THEY'RE TRYING TO BE FUNNY.
>> THEY'RE NOT SNICKER BARS.
>> OH! REALLY?
>> YEAH, SOME OF THE YOUNG'UNS
JUST CAN'T HOLD IT IN.
>> SEE, THAT'S WHY I'LL NEVER GO
TO A PUBLIC POOL IN MY LIFE.
I'LL EAT SNICKERS BARS, THOUGH.
ALL RIGHT.
I'M GONNA DROP IT IN.
>> NOT TOO GENTLE, NOT TOO
STRONG.
>> BILL, IT'S NOT WORKING.
>> WE GOT TO LET IT SINK.
>> IT LOOKS LIKE ME AT THE
FOURTH OF JULY.
>> IT'S ALIVE.
>> THIS GUY'S AWESOME.
>> I'VE GOT SOME GOGGLES WE CAN
PUT ON AND YOU CAN WATCH HIM.
THERE'S JUST SOMETIMES YOU HAVE
TO LOOK AT WHAT'S GOING ON UNDER
THE WATER.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S MAKE IT GET
HERE.
>> [gurgles]
IT'S LIKE A BABY SEAL.
>> WELL, IT'S WORKING.
IT'S TOP-OF-THE-LINE.
YOU COULD PROBABLY GET 1,500
FOR IT.
>> 1,500 BUCKS.
I MADE A PROFIT
AND STUCK IT TO KENNY.
THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL BEST OF
BOTH WORLDS.
IF I WASN'T TANNIN' MY CALVES
RIGHT NOW, I'D HUG YOU, BILL.
>> LETS JUST TAN OUR CALVES.
>> I'M TAKING MY SOLO WHEEL TO
THE TEXAS STATE FAIR AMUSEMENT
PARK TO A UNICYCLE "EXPERT."
ARE YOU THE BEANIE?
>> HEY, ARE YOU MARY?
>> YEAH.
>> HOW YOU DOING?
>> THIS IS WHAT I BROUGHT YOU.
>> GOOD SEEING YOU.
WOW.
WELL, WHAT YOU HAVE HERE IS A
SOLO WHEEL.
IT'S AN ELECTRIC UNICYCLE, IF
YOU WILL.
I MEAN IT DOESN'T HAVE A SEAT,
BUT IT DOES HAVE FOOT RESTS.
>> HOW DO YOU EVEN START?
>> OKAY, MARY, NOW LOOK.
YOU HAVE TO WEAR THE KNEEPADS.
YOU DON'T WANT TO SCRAPE YOUR
KNEE.
>> GOT IT.
>> NOW, I'D LIKE FOR YOU TO HOLD
ON TO MY LEFT HAND, AND I'M JUST
GONNA GO AHEAD AND PUSH OFF AND
LEAN FORWARD AND I'M SQUEEZING.
AND LOOK, MARY.
>> GOOD.
>> I'M GONNA LET GO, MARY.
>> YOU'RE PRETTY GOOD.
>> MEET UP.
AND I'M GONNA BACK UP AND GET
OFF IT.
>> OKAY, MY TURN.
>> I'M GONNA TRANSFER THE
EQUIPMENT.
>> [laughs]
>> RIGHT HERE.
PUT THAT ON, AND I WANT YOU TO
PUT YOUR RIGHT FOOT ON THE
PEDAL.
NOW, YOU JUST KIND OF GET YOUR
BALANCE AND LET ME HOLD YOU.
SCOOT OFF A LITTLE BIT.
AND LET'S JUST LEAN FORWARD.
>> [laughs]
>> STAND UP, STAND UP, STAND UP.
LEAN FORWARD.
LEAN FORWARD, MARY!
MARY!
MARY.
LEAN FORWARD.
>> [laughs]
>> THAT'S THE ONLY WAY YOU'RE
GONNA GO.
MARY.
MARY, LISTEN.
OKAY. MARY.
>> I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.
>> MARY.
>> STRINGBEANIE IS TRYING TO
KILL ME.
OR GROPE ME.
[laughs]
WELL, NOW THAT I'VE HAD THAT
NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE, TELL ME
WHAT IT'S WORTH.
>> I THINK THIS IS WORTH--
DRUM ROLL--$1,600.
>> ARE YOU KIDDING?
>> NO.
>> OH, MY.
BEANIE, I HAD NO IDEA.
>> ARE YOU HAPPY ABOUT THAT?
>> YEAH.
>> WELL, SHAKE HANDS.
HEY, MARY, WHY DON'T YOU GET UP
AND RIDE IT OUT OF HERE?
>> WHAT?
>> OH, JUST KIDDING.
TAKE IT EASY, KID.
>> HEY!
CLOWN!
FRICKIN' CLOWN.
narrator: THE BIG DOG IN DALLAS
WAS KENNY STOWE WHOSE LOCKERS
NETTED HIM A PROFIT OF OVER
5,700 BUCKS.
MARY BOUNCED OVER BUBBA FOR A
$1,300 PROFIT FROM HER UNICYCLE.
BUBBA SMITH SUCKED UP OVER 400
BUCKS WITH HIS POOL CLEANER.
WHILE JENNY GRUMBLES DIDN'T MAKE
ANY NEW FRIENDS OR MONEY.
>> WILL YOU TEACH ME HOW TO
JUGGLE?
>> YOU GONNA TRUST ME?
>> YEAH, I GOT TO SEE YOU DO IT
FIRST.
>> OKAY.
>> WE CAN'T JUST SIT HERE AND
WATCH IT.
>> ALL RIGHT.
HERE, LET ME HAVE YOUR HAND.
[whimpers]
>> [laughs]
>> LIKE THIS.
OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH.
COME HERE.
AHH, MARY.
>> CREEPIN' ME OUT A LITTLE BIT.