Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
Itís late Friday night. Your boss has called you back to fill out a few more forms.
*Viper armed.*
But someone else is there, too, and he intends to steal your carÖor your virginity.
Itís times like this that you call onÖTHE VIPER.
The Viper is the next step in car protection technologyÖ
Öa live viper snake that you release from its box whenever you want your car truly protected
from thieves.
We here at NAZ Corporation have taken this live snake and made it absolutely fearless.
We have starved the Viper.
We have beaten the Viper.
We have killed the Viperís parents in front of it.
We have made the Viper sleep in the back of a moving truck to ensure it does not sleep.
The result is a machine that serves only to kill what is in its way.
We have removed all pity, love, and warmth from its soul. And all that remains?
VENOM.
The Viper Security System. Use with extreme precaution.
Look at those young people todayóso active, so happy, so free.
It feels like there isnít a problem in the world for these kids today.
But do you want to know why that is?
Because there isnít a baby to spoil the fun.
Thatís where we come in. Iím June Henderson, and me and my husband Carl...
...will perform your abortion cheap, and without question.
Come down to the Henderson Abortion Emporium: ìWe arenít here to judge, dear!î
Call 1-800-555-9021.
Hello?...Uh-huh...Thatís nice...Well, whaddya know?
Santa Vista Retirement Home: If you really love your mother, let her keep her dignity.
Call 1-800-M-SENILE for more information.
Since our formation in 1932, Stallion Auto Manufacturers has survived from decade to
decadeÖ
Öwhile its contemporaries fade away.
Thatís not just because we manufacture a quality vehicleÖ
Öbut we also manufacture it in proportion with the average male ***.
So for 75 years, our customers have appreciated not just our variety...
...but our understanding of the male demographic.
Take the 1998 Stallion Serrano, with $750 down, $244 a month for 6 monthsÖ
Öand around 12 and a half feet in length.
Or there is the 1998 Stallion Sera: $725 down, $419 a month for 24 monthsÖ
Öand clocking in at around 15 feet long.
Now thatís one hell of a man.
So come down to your local Stallion dealership todayÖ
Öand celebrate our 75th birthday in style.
Stallion Automobiles: The heart of a man lies underneath.
>>Have you tried Crystal Cola yet? >>No, actually, I havenít.
>>Howís it taste? >>What do I do, just take a sip?
Itís hard to explain, itís justÖ
This ainít anything like California white wine.
>>Iím embarrassed here! >>Nice lemony zingy taste.
>>What do you think? >>Itís not as heavy. >>Less syrupy.
What if I told you that Crystal Cola is nothing more thanÖ
Öfiltered and carbonated pig urine mixed with sugar?
>>Mmm. >>Iím sweating. I love it. Itís refreshing.
>>Clear taste. >>Just different.
Would you want to take a bath in it?
You know you want to...***.
Crystal Cola, from the makers of Pepsi.
The one cola that tastes like urine thatís actually made from urine.