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(Clifton) WELCOME TO OSCAR'S BARBERSHOP,
NAMED AFTER MY DADDY, WHO PASSED IT ON TO ME.
IT'S BEEN A PART OF WASHINGTON D.C., A LONG TIME.
THIS IS ME, CLIFTON CURTIS.
.
AND THIS IS MY LITTLE SISTER, TRACY,
.
THIS IS MY BEST FRIEND, HAPPY-GO-LUCKY EARL.
AND THIS WONDERFUL PERSON,
WELL, THAT'S MY MAMA.
I'M SORRY, EARL.
OH, MAN, THAT'S GREAT. I MEAN, REALLY JUST GREAT.
I GET ALL CLEAN AND PUT ON A COAT AND A TIE,
AND YOU CAN'T GET ME NO DATE?
EARL, I TRIED, MAN. YOU HEARD ME ON THE PHONE.
YEAH, BUT I EVEN BROKE OPEN A BRAND NEW BOTTLE OF COLOGNE,
NOW WHAT DO I DO?
GO HOME AND SMELL YOURSELF.
WAIT A MINUTE. NOW
NOW YOU TOLD ME THAT WELINDA HAD SOMEBODY AT HER HOUSE,
THAT LOOKED JUST LIKE HER. SO WHY CAN'T YOU FIX ME UP?
HEY, I'D LOVE TO EARL, BUT IT'S HER TWIN BROTHER.
OH, MAN, LATER DIG YOU LATER.
LATER, EARL.
GOING OUT TONIGHT, CLIFTON?
(Clifton) YES, MAMA.
I GOT A DATE WITH WELINDA WALKER.
I'M TAKING HER TO THE DRIVE-IN.
S A NEW ONE. HER?
OH, I MET HER WHEN I REGISTERED FOR NIGHT SCHOOL.
MMM.
SHE STUDIES PSYCHOLOGY WHEN SHE'S NOT WORKIN'.
OH, SHE GOES TO SCHOOL AND WORKS, TOO?
YEAH.
SHE'S A COCKTAIL WAITRESS AT THE BOOM BOOM ROOM.
THE BOOM BOOM ROOM?
NOW, SHE'S A VERY NICE GIRL, MAMA.
BESIDES, IT'S ONLY A DATE.
WELL, CLIFTON, I THINK IT'S TIME YOU STARTED THINKING
ABOUT TRYING TO FIND SOMEONE TO MAKE YOU A GOOD WIFE.
A GOOD WIFE?
YEAH, SOMEONE TO MAKE YOU HAPPY.
OH, NOW WE'RE BACK TO WELINDA, HUH?
CLIFTON, BE SERIOUS.
BELIEVE ME, MAMA,
I'M AS SERIOUS ABOUT WOMEN AS ADAM WAS ABOUT EVE.
RD.
YEAH, BUT IS LEONARD HAPPY?
HAPPY? WHY, THAT MARRIAGE WAS MADE IN HEAVEN.
IF LEONARD WAS ANY NICER TO THAT GIRL,
YOU'D HAVE TO CUT A HOLE IN HIS JACKET
TO MAKE ROOM FOR HIS WINGS.
[laughing]
I'D LIKE TO CUT A HOLE IN HIS HAT
TO MAKE ROOM FOR HIS BIG SQUARE HEAD.
TRACY AND LEONARD, THE PERFECT COUPLE.
SHE'S SO HAPPY.
EVERY TIME I SEE THAT CHILD, SHE'S JUST GLOWING.
[laughing]
[sobbing]
[crying] OH.
WHAT'S THE MATTER, TRACY?
IT'S LEONARD.
LEONARD?
DON'T MENTION THAT NAME AGAIN, MAMA.
THAT MAN HAS SEEN THE LAST OF ME.
CHILD, WHAT ARE YOU SAYIN'?
KET.
NOW, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU AND LEONARD?
OH, EVERYTHING.
NOW, TRACY, SWEETHEART,
IF YOU DON'T TELL US WHAT THE PROBLEM IS,
HOW ARE WE GONNA HELP YOU SOLVE IT?
NOW, WHAT'S HE DONE?
CLIFTON, YOU DON'T CROSS-EXAMINE A GIRL AT A TIME LIKE THIS.
THESE THINGS ARE PERSONAL.
NOW, HONEY, WHAT DID HE DO?
OH, M
I WANT TO KNOW.
NOW, WHY DID YOU LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND?
WELL, THIS MAY NOT SOUND LIKE VERY MUCH TO YOU, MAMA,
BUT HE IS ALWAYS CORRECTING ME.
THAT DON'T SOUND LIKE MUCH TO ME, EITHER.
YOU MEAN TO TELL ME,
YOU LEFT YOUR HUSBAND TS YOU?
CONSTA YO
WHEN WE WERE HERE FOR DINNER, SUNDAY,
HE CORRECTED ME ON 5 THINGS I SAID.
AND HE WAS RIGHT EVERY TIME.
OH, CLIFTON, TH
NOW, I AM HIS WIFE AND I AM SICK
OF BEING HUMILIATED IN FRONT OF PEOPLE.
IF I SAY THERE'S A RIVER IN EUROPE,
HE SAYS IT'S IN ASIA.
IF I SAY IT'S A HURRICANE, THEN IT'S A CYCLONE.
OH,
A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP WILL CLEAR UP THAT HEAD.
NOW WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT IN THE MORNIN'.
OH, MAMA, I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS.
IT'S JUST THAT LEONARD GOES OUT OF TOWN EVERY OTHER WEEK,
AND IT SEEMS AS THOUGH HE ONLY COMES HOME TO CORRECT ME.
I DON'T KNOW IF I MARRIED A MAN OR AN ENCYCLOPEDIA.
WELL AFTE
SOMEBODY NEEDS CORRECTING.
MOTHER, WOULD YOU MAKE HIM LEAVE ME ALONE?
OH, IT'LL ALL WORK OUT. NOW, DON'T WORRY, HONEY.
OH, I DON'T KNOW, MAMA,
BUT IT MIGHT NOT BE SO BAD TO SLEEP IN MY OLD BEDROOM AGAIN.
IT'S STILL THE SAME WAY I LEFT IT, ISN'T IT?
NO, BUT IF IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL ANY BETTER,
WE COULD THROW SOME DIRTY CLOTHES AROUND.
[blowing nose]
[sighs]
[sobbing] OH.
TRACY, IS THAT YOU?
OH, MAMA, I WAKE YOU?
NO. ALWAYS GET UP LIKE THIS AT 2:00 IN THE MORNIN'.
COULDN'T SLEEP, HUH?
I MISS MY SWEETIE PIE.
OF COURSE YOU DO.
IT'S NOT EASY BEING AWAY FROM YOUR HUSBAND.
MAMA, SWEETIE PIE IS MY CANARY.
TRACY, ON A COLD NIGHT YOU DON'T WARM YOUR FEET
ON THE BACK OF A CANARY.
NOW, YOU'RE OUT HERE CRYIN' OVER YOUR HUSBAND.
OH, MAMA, I AM NOT.
NOW, PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER.
WE'LL SOLVE THIS PROBLEM.
YOU'RE RIGHT, MAMA,
BECAUSE I GOT ALONG WITHOUT LEONARD BEFORE
AND I CAN GET ALONG WITHOUT HIM AGAIN.
[sobbing] OH, MAMA.
HEY, WHAT'S ALL THIS CRYIN' ABOUT, HUH?
THE WALTONS COME ON THIS LATE?
CLIFTON, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' COMIN' FROM A DATE AT 2:00 IN THE MORNIN'?
ELINDA HAD RLY.
[laughing]
WHAT'S GOIN' ON HE
TRACY FEELS MISERABLE.
I'M NOT MISERABLE, MAMA, I'M HAPPY.
WELL, IF YOU'RE HAPPY, I'M SNOW WHITE.
TRACY, I KNOW YOU'RE ALL UPSET, BABY,
BUT, HEY, LISTEN, THESE MISUNDERSTANDINGS
ALWAYS WORK THEMSELVES OUT.
BELIEVE ME, I'VE GONE THROUGH THE SAME THINGS.
YOU HAVE?
OH, YEAH.
JUST LAST WEEK, I DROPPED A HOT PIZZA ON WELINDA'S LAP.
SHE WANTED TO KILL ME.
BUT AN HOUR LATER, SHE WAS FINE.
SMELLED LIKE PEPPERONIS, BUT SHE WAS FINE.
CLIFTON, WHAT DO PEPPERONIS ON WELINDA
HAVE TO DO WITH ME AND LEONARD?
WELL...
IT JUST SHOWS YOU THAT THINGS CAN BE HOT AT FIRST,
BUT WHEN THEY COOL OFF, EVERYTHING IS ALL RIGHT.
TRACY, THIS HAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH.
I AM SURE LEONARD'S AT HOME FEELIN' JUST AS BAD AS YOU DO.
BUT MAMA, IT'S 2:00 IN THE MORNING.
IF LEONARD WANTS TO TALK, THEN LET HIM CALL ME.
SOMEONE HAS TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE.
NOW, GO AND PICK UP THAT PHONE.
BUT MAMA, I DON'T WANNA TALK TO LEONARD.
WILL YOU PICK UP THAT PHONE?
NO.
I'M NOT TALKIN' TO HIM.
THEN I'LL TALK TO HIM.
HELLO.
IS THIS 555-2701?
WELL, WHAT DID HE SAY?
HE DIDN'T SAY NOTHIN', IT WAS A WOMAN.
TRACY, DID YOU HEAR ME?
COME DOWN AND GET YOUR BREAKFAST.
(Tracy) I'M NOT HUNGRY, MOTHER.
[doorbell rings]
[sighs]
(Clifton) I'M GOIN' TO WORK.
LEONARD.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?
WELL, I'M HERE BECAUSE MY ANSWERING SERVICE GIRL
SAID A WOMAN CALLED LAST NIGHT AND I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE TRACY.
UH-OH,
SO THAT WAS WHO ANSWERED THE PHONE.
TRACY THOUGHT YOU HAD A BROAD OVER THERE WITH YOU.
WELL, IF THAT'S ALL SHE THINKS OF ME, I'M LEAVIN'!
WELL, YOU COME RIGHT ON BACK HERE.
WE'RE GONNA SETTLE THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL.
NOW, YOU START TALKING.
WELL, I WASN'T EVEN HOME LAST NIGHT.
I STAYED AT MY BROTHER'S HOUSE BECAUSE, WELL...
I DON'T MIND TELLING YOU,
I WAS VERY UPSET OVER TRACY'S BEHAVIOR.
SHE WAS UPSET, TOO.
YEAH, SHE DOESN'T LIKE THE WAY YOU'RE ALWAYS CORRECTING HER.
CORRECTING HER?
I DON'T CORRECT HER. I NEVER CORRECT ANYONE.
SHE SAYS YOU DO. CORRECTIN' PEOPLE AIN'T RIGHT.
"ISN'T" RIGHT.
SEE.
YOU JUST DID.
THAT'S WHAT SHE'S TALKIN' ABOUT
AND IT GETS ON HER NERVES.
WELL, I MAY BE GUILTY OF THAT ON OCCASION,
BUT IT'S NOT AS BAD AS THE WAY SHE'S ALWAYS INTERRUPTING ME.
SHE INTERRUPTS YOU?
BETWEEN GOOD AND MORNING,
I CAN'T GET 5 WORDS IN A ROW--
I WONDER WHERE SHE GOT A BAD HABIT LIKE THAT FROM?
CLIFTON, YOU KEEP HIM HERE.
I'M GOIN' UP AND GET THAT TRACY SO WE CAN TALK THIS OUT.
TRACY, TRACY!
NOW, LOOK LENNY--
THAT'S LEONARD.
ALL RIGHT, LEONARD.
THE TROUBLE WITH YOU IS D WOMEN.
DO YOU?
WHY DO YOU THINK I'M NOT MARRIED?
NOW, FORGET THE ARGUIN', HUH? I KNOW MY SISTER.
JUST TAKE HER HOME AND SOCK IT TO HER.
GIVE HER PLENTY OF SWEET TALK
AND LOTS OF TENDER LOVIN' CARE.
I'M READY.
(Mama) GO ON, TRACY.
NOW, MAMA, WILL YOU LET THEM HANDLE THIS THEIR OWN WAY?
THERE ISN'T BUT ONE WAY AND THAT'S BY COMMUNICATIN'.
ALL RIGHT YOU TWO, START TALKIN'.
HI.
[sighs]
HI.
DON'T GIVE ME THAT "HI" STUFF.
WELL...
ALL RIGHT.
I, UH,
roat]
I GUESS I SHOULD HAVE REALIZED THAT
THAT WAS THE ANSWERING GIRL LAST NIGHT.
I MEAN, AFTER ALL, WE'VE HAD THE SERVICE FOR 5 DAYS.
UH, 6.
HE CORRECTED ME.
IT SLIPPED OUT.
WELL, SLIP IT BACK IN AND KEEP IT THERE.
MAMA, WILL YOU LET THEM GO HOME
AND GO ON WITH THEIR MARRIAGE?
MARRIAGE? WHAT MARRIAGE?
HE'S MARRIED MORE TO HIS JOB THAN HE IS TO ME.
NOW LOOK, TRACY,
I'M SURE WE CAN WORK THIS OUT IF WE JUST ACT LIKE MATURE--
OH, LEONARD.
YOU COULDN'T ACT GROWN UP IF YOU TRIED.
THAT'S NOT WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY,
LET ME FINISH A SENTENCE. ONE SENTENCE.
YEAH, TRACY, THE MAN'S TALKIN'.
OH, THE MAN'S TALKIN'.
SO WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? BOW DOWN?
THAT'S WHAT'S BOTHERING HER.
SHE THINKS LISTENING IS BEING SUBSERVIENT.
SHE'S FALLEN FOR TOO MUCH OF THAT WOMEN'S LIB STUFF.
LEONARD, THAT'S NOT MY TRACY.
SHE NOT ONLY BURNED HER BRA,
EVERY NIGHT SHE BURNS THE DINNER.
NOW IT COMES OUT.
YOU DON'T LIKE MY COOKING.
OH, I LOVE YOUR COOKING.
I'VE DEVELOPED A TASTE FOR ASHES.
THAT DOES IT, LEONARD.
I AM SICK OF LOOKING
SMIRKING, SELF-SATISFIED FACE OF YOURS!
SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST PACK IT UP
AND GET OUT OF TOWN AGAIN?
WELL, IF YOU DON'T LIKE LOOKING AT MY FACE,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
IF YOU CAN MOVE OUT, SO CAN I.
I'M MOVING TO THE Y.M.C.A.
[whines OH!
GOOD WORK, MAMA.
YOU GOT 'EM COMMUNICATIN'.
HEY, CLIFFORD, WHAT'S THIS I HEAR
ABOUT LEONARD AND TRACY SEPARATIN'?
[chuckling] OH, IT'S NOT THAT BAD.
LET'S JUST SAY THAT AFTER 3 MONTHS OF MARRIAGE,
THEY'RE TAKIN' A WELL-DESERVED REST.
WELL, THAT'S THE WAY THINGS ARE THESE DAYS.
YOU KNOW, MY BROTHER'S BEEN MARRIED FOR 50 YEARS,
AND THEY NEVER HAD AN ARGUMENT.
OH, YEAH, WHAT'S HIS SECRET?
WELL, HE LIVES IN NEW YORK AND SHE LIVES OUT THERE IN DENVER.
WELL, I CAN REMEMBER WHEN I WAS MARRIED.
MY FIRST WIFE USED TO GET MAD
AND RUN TO HER MOTHER 4, 5 TIMES A DAY.
OH, COME ON, WILDCAT. NOW, HOW COULD SHE DO THAT?
EASY, WE WERE LIVIN' IN HER MOTHER'S HOUSE.
OOH, HEY, EVERYBODY.
(both) HI, EARL.
(Clifton) WHAT IS IT, EARL?
MAN, YOU CAN AVE THIS DAY.
IT WAS A BUMMER FROM BEGINNIN' TO END.
FIRST, THE WIDOW WINSTON GETS ON ME
'CAUSE HER PENSION CHECK IS LATE.
THEN I GET BITTEN BY 3 DOGS.
AND TO THINK I TOOK THIS JOB BECAUSE I WANTED TO BE LOVED.
LOOK HERE, MAN, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
BROKE RIGHT ON THROUGH THE SKIN.
OH, SOME OF THOSE DOGS ARE VICIOUS.
NO, THIS IS THE WIDOW WINSTON.
WHAT A LIFE, HUH?
YOU KNOW, EARL, EVERYBODY'S GOT THEIR PROBLEMS.
YEAH, I HEARD.
IT'S KIND OF A SHAME ABOUT TRACY.
UH, SHE AND LEONARD STILL NOT TOGETHER?
NO, BUT DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT TRACY,
SHE'S A LEVEL-HEADED, INTELLIGENT GIRL.
INE.
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND TRACY.
NOW, YOU GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON
WHY SHE MARRIED THAT OLD FATHEAD LEONARD INSTEAD OF ME?
WELL,
LEONARD IS A GOOD-LOOKING, WELL-EDUCATED ENGINEER
WITH A GOOD JOB AND A GREAT FUTURE.
I ONLY ASKED FOR ONE.
I COULD THINK OF A WHOLE LOT MORE REASONS, EARL,
BUT WE GOT TO GO. COME ON, JOSH.
YEAH, WE'RE GIVIN' A PARTY AT OUR PLACE TONIGHT.
(Clifton) HEY, A PARTY?
(both) MMM-HMM
A PAJAMA PARTY.
YOU GUYS STILL GIVIN' PAJAMA PARTIES?
WELL, WE GAVE 4 LAST WEEK.
THAT'S RIGHT, AND WE'RE GONNA KEEP GIVING 'EM,
TILL SOME GIRLS SHOW UP.
SAY, OLD BUDDY, DO ME A FAVOR.
WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME A QUICK SHAVE
AND FORGET THOSE HOT TOWELS, ALL RIGHT?
OK, ONE QUICK SHAVE COMIN' UP MINUS THE HOT TOWELS.
HEY, YOU GOT A DATE ON TONIGHT?
WELL, IT DEPENDS.
DEPENDS ON WHAT?
ON WHETHER OR NOT YOU CAN LEND ME $10.
$10.
[snickering] I'M SORRY, EARL,
I NEED MY LITTLE $10.
YEAH, I GOT A DATE TONIGHT MYSELF
WITH THE WONDERFUL WELINDA WALKER.
AGAIN?
YEAH, I SEE A LOT OF HER.
YEAH, I CAN DIG IT, 'CAUSE THERE'S A LOT OF HER TO SEE.
EARL, IF I WAS YOU,
I WOULD NOT MAKE THOSE KIND OF WISECRACKS
WHILE I AM THE SHAVER AND YOU IS THE SHAVEE.
CLIFTON, COME HERE. I WANNA TALK TO YOU.
MAMA, I GOT A CUSTOMER.
HE'S NO CUSTOMER, THAT'S EARL.
[bells chiming]
[whooping]
IF IT WAS WHAT IT WAS,
THEN IT WAS AT THE "Y".
THE Y.M.C.A.?
YEAH, YM-CA. OW!
THEN YOU MUST HAVE SEEN TRACY'S HUSBAND.
I DID, I DID,
AND THAT WAS ONE UNHAPPY INDIVIDUAL.
I MEAN, SAD, SAD, SAD.
UH-HUH, SEE MAMA, I TOLD YOU SO.
NOW, HE WAS ALL UPSET ABOUT TRACY, WASN'T HE?
NO, MAN. I BEAT HIM AT HANDBALL.
HANDBALL?
YEAH, PLAYED HIM 5 GAMES, AND YOU KNOW SOMETHIN', MAMA?
THAT CAT DON'T SWEAT.
HE'LL SWEAT WHEN I GET THROUGH WITH HIM.
OH, COME ON, NOW, JUNIOR, TELL ME,
DIDN'T HE HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY AT ALL?
OH, HE DID. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. HE DID, MAN.
HE SAID, UM, TO SAY HELLO.
HELLO.
IS THAT ALL?
NO. HE ALSO SAID HE WAS VERY CONCERNED
ABOUT HIS SWEETIE PIE.
AH-HA, MAMA. WAS I RIGHT OR WRONG?
WRONG. HIS SWEETIE PIE IS A CANARY.
YEAH, AND LEONARD CAN'T KEEP HIS CANARY
AT THE "Y" ANY LONGER.
WHY NOT?
IT'S A GIRL.
I GOT TO SPLIT, BLOOD.
I'M GONNA CLIMB UP TO THE TOP OF THE WASHINGTON MONUMENT
AND BECOME FAMOUS.
JUNIOR, EVERY YEAR MILLIONS OF PEOPLE
GO UP TO THE TOP OF THE WASHINGTON MONUMENT.
E?
[bells chiming]
I'M SO MAD AT THAT LEONARD.
HE DOESN'T CARE A THING ABOUT HIS WIFE.
WHAT A MESS.
YOU TELLIN' ME,
THIS SHAVIN' CREAM TURNED TO CEMENT.
EARL, WE GOT A SERIOUS PROBLEM TO TALK ABOUT.
COME ON, CLIFTON.
H-HEY! WAIT, WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT HAPPEN
THE SAME THING THAT HAPPENED TO YOUR $10.
NOW, WHAT IS IT MAMA?
CLIFTON, I WANT YOU TO CALL LEONARD AT HIS OFFICE.
WE'VE GOT TO GET HIM AND TRACY TO TALK OVER THEIR PROBLEM.
WELL, MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
AND IF I DIDN'T HAVE THIS DATE WITH WELINDA TONIGHT,
I'D LIKE TO BE HERE TO HELP YOU PATCH IT UP MYSELF.
WELL, SET IT UP ANYWAY.
OK. MR. TAYLOR, PLEASE.
HELLO, LENNY.
UH, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, LEONARD.
ND I
TO COME OVER FOR DINNER TONIGHT AT 8:00.
SAYS HE CAN'T COME BECAUSE THE COMPANY'S SENDING HIM ON BUSINESS.
GIVE ME THAT PHONE.
LEONARD, THIS IS MAMA.
T,
OR AM I COMIN' UP TO THAT FANCY OFFICE OF YOURS
DRESSED IN MY BATHROBE AND HAIR-CURLERS AND SHOUTING:
O GOOD
WHO RAN OFF AND LEFT HIS WIFE?"
HE'LL BE HERE.
WELL,
DOES ANYONE WANT TO HEAR ME TALK ABOUT THE WEATHER AGAIN?
W
LEONARD, WHY DO YOU KEEP LOOKIN' AT YOUR WATCH?
WELL, I HAVE TO LEAVE SHORTLY FOR A BUSINESS TRIP TO BOSTON.
NATURALLY.
HI EVERYBODY. WE INTERRUPTIN' ANYTHING?
I WISH YOU WERE.
WELINDA, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY FAMILY.
THIS IS MY MAMA.
HELLO.
THIS IS MY SISTER, TRACY.
HELLO.
AND THIS IS LEONARD, HER OCCASIONAL HUSBAND.
HOW DO YOU DO?
HI, NICE TO MEET YOU.
AH, WELINDA, WOULD YOU LIKE SOME COFFEE AND DESSERT?
OH, NO, MRS. CURTIS,
I'M WATCHING MY FIGURE, THANK YOU.
SO AM I.
WELL, WHY DON'T WE ALL GO INTO THE LIVING ROOM?
WE'LL BE MORE COMFORTABLE THERE.
CLIFTON, I'M GLAD YOU CAME.
(Clifton) WELL, I GOT TO THINKIN', MAMA,
OULD
OH, RIGHT. I WAS TRYIN' TO HAVE A GOOD TIME
AND ALL HE COULD TALK ABOUT WAS SOME RIDICULOUS ARGUMENT
HIS SISTER WAS HAVIN' WITH HER HUSBAND.
[chuckling] IT'S NOT A RIDICULOUS ARGUMENT.
WHY, I DIDN'T THINK SO, BUT YOU SAID IT WAS.
YOU MUST HAVE SAID SO 5 TIMES.
[laughing]
WELL, MAYBE I SAID IT ONCE, BUT THAT'S ALL.
IT WAS 5 TIMES.
ONCE.
LISTEN, CLIFTON, DON'T CORRECT ME.
THAT'S ONE THING I DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOU.
YOU'RE ALWAYS CORRECTING--
(Clifton) NOW LOOK, WELINDA.
AND THAT'S ANOTHER BAD HABIT YOU HAVE.
YOU'RE ALWAYS INTERRUPTING ME.
WELL, WELINDA,
THERE'RE A FEW THINGS ABOUT YOU
THAT I DON'T LIKE EITHER.
OOH. WELL, AT THE DRIVE-IN THE OTHER NIGHT,
YOU SEEMED TO LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT ME.
AT THE DRIVE-IN THE OTHER NIGHT,
YOU WEREN'T TALKIN'.
CLIFTON, YOU MAY NOT REALIZE IT,
BUT I HAVE SOMETHING ABOVE MY NECK AS WELL AS BELOW IT.
TOO BAD THEY'RE NOT IN THE SAME STAGES OF DEVELOPMENT.
NOW LOOK, WELINDA--
OH, DON'T "WELINDA" ME.
AND THE NEXT TIME YOU WANNA GO TO THE DRIVE-IN,
YOU CAN TAKE MY TWIN BROTHER.
WELL, I HAVEN'T SEEN HER THAT MAD
SINCE I DROPPED A HOT PIZZA ON HER LAP.
WELL, IF YOU ASK ME,
I THOUGHT YOU WERE BOTH DISPLAYING A CHILDISH IMMATURITY.
F YOU THINK
HAVE YOU TWO LOOKED IN A MIRROR LATELY?
DO WE LOOK THAT BAD?
THAT'S "BADLY".
STOP IT, LEONARD!
LISTEN,
HAVE YOU TWO EVER STOPPED TO ANALYZE
WHY YOU'RE ALWAYS CORRECTING AND INTERRUPTING EACH OTHER?
IS BECAUSE, WELL, SHE'S OFTEN WRONG.
A LITTLE BI
TRACY, I R
WHICH I SHALL MAKE EVERY EFFORT TO CORRECT.
BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T LOVE YOU.
WELL, LEONARD,
I ONLY INTERRUPT YOU BECAUSE,
WELL, YOU'RE GONE A LOT
AND I'VE GOT SO MUCH TO TELL YOU.
I REALLY MISS YOU.
NOW YOU'RE GETTIN' TO THE
WELL,
ANOTHER CRISIS INTELLIGENTLY RESOLVED.
CY,
OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT, LEONARD. I'M USED TO IT.
AND WHEN I GET BACK,
YOU CAN INTERRUPT ME ALL YOU WANT.
AND YOU CAN CORRECT ME.
AND I KNOW MY TRAVELING IS A PROBLEM.
WE CAN DISCUSS THAT WHEN I GET BACK, TOO.
BYE.
BYE.
OH, MAMA, HE STILL DOESN'T UNDERSTAND.
TRACY, YOU MAY THINK THIS IS IMPULSIVE AND RECKLESS ON MY PART,
BUT WILL YOU CONSIDER COMING TO BOSTON WITH ME?
OH, LEONARD.
I'LL GET MY THINGS.
I'LL HELP.
WELL, CLIFTON, I'M GLAD THEY FINALLY MADE UP.
YEAH.
BUT IF THEY MAKE UP A LITTLE TOO MUCH,
THEY JUST MIGHT MISS THEIR TRAIN.
I GOT A CALL FROM TRACY EARLIER TODAY FROM BOSTON.
SHE SAYS SHE'LL BE THERE FOR 4 MORE DAYS.
4 MORE DAYS?
YEAH, SHE'S WAITIN' FOR LEONARD TO COME BACK FROM MONTREAL.
(Clifton) THAT'S MY MAMA WAS RECORDED ON TAPE
BEFORE A LIVE AUDIENCE.