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CODEX: I'm waiting for a star to fall so I can make a wish.
My wish will be that when I go to work tomorrow, all my
colleagues will be nice to me.
I will deal with whatever weird task Floyd
gives me with ease.
And he'll release the expansion.
Everybody will be happy.
Most of all, I wish that when I get there, my Guild leader
will not be protesting outside on a dragon.
In fact, of all the clauses of that wish, I wish
that one the most.
The stars are being sticky little *** tonight, huh?
[THEME SONG]
CLARA: Oh my god!
Crashing through ceilings, riding dragons?
Vork's like the old, bald Harry Potter.
ZABOO: And you lied about knowing him?
CODEX: Floyd is very sensitive.
This protesting could send him over the edge.
TINKERBALLA: Now you're rolling with the VIP spirit.
CODEX: Are you guys running on a dungeon or something?
CLARA: Tink and Zaboo are on the fancy new test server.
So I'm focusing on my new mom video friends.
We're going lady brunching.
Meh.
CODEX: Guys, go back to our regular server.
You can't abandon Clara.
ZABOO: But I'm doing game recon for you
SABINA: Player Zaboo, nice to see you again.
Interest you in a hot kelp beer?
On the house.
ZABOO: Yes.
And I baked you some bread.
These are my maxed-out cooking skills.
How'd I do it underwater?
Who cares?
SABINA: You are so thoughtful.
Mm.
Delicious.
TINKERBALLA: Zaboo will give you nothing, Codex.
He's fixated on a tarty NPC and won't
leave her spawn point.
ZABOO: It's not a spawn point, OK?
It's a bar.
The Flaccid Eel.
And her father left it to her in her back story.
So.
CODEX: You have a crush on an NPC?
ZABOO: Her name is Sabina, and she is the embodiment of
everything I could ever want in a woman.
TINKERBALLA: He was into you, Codex, and now he's into an
inanimate object.
Not much of a stretch.
CODEX: Hmm.
Maybe objects can solve strange men's problems.
I got to go to work
CLARA: I don't think the NPC thing is weird, Zaboo.
Yesterday, Gabby asked me if she could marry her stuffed
Pikachu, and I was like, sure, as long as he gets his shots
and learns English.
That way, if they have babies, they'll be able
to get health care.
Oh my god, that's such good parenting.
Bladezz!
I have my next video, and I didn't even have
to think about it!
BLADEZZ: Great.
Film it, upload it, then do another.
We need four by today to satisfy--
your loyal fans.
CLARA: Uh, honey.
Shouldn't you be at work?
MR. WIGGLY: Sign this piece of paper, and
I'll be sick all week.
Bladezz and I made up a gang for fun.
It's called F You Too Olds.
We're drawing wieners.
BLADEZZ: Not my idea.
MR. WIGGLY: It's so fun being irresponsible again.
CLARA: Oh, that's cute.
I'll be back later.
Going to meet one of my fav video fans in person.
So excited!
BLADEZZ: Hurry Clara!
Your face is my bacon.
MR. WIGGLY: Love you, bacon face.
Who would you rather?
Cheryl Tiegs or Raquel Welch?
BLADEZZ: I don't know who any of those people are.
MR. WIGGLY: Awesome.
FLOYD: Oh.
Are we cooking crystal *** in here now?
CODEX: No.
These are all fan messages.
I thought it would be a nice gesture.
Block out all the negativity.
FLOYD: That's a nice thought.
Oh, look.
This one didn't like the Spires of
Dragon War very much.
CODEX: Well, he also said the game got him through cancer.
FLOYD: Oh, wow.
Oh, no.
It's his mom's cancer, not his.
Just to be technical.
CODEX: OK.
Well, are you inspired to work or what?
FLOYD: Evil bald man!
CODEX: If you just ignore him, he'll go away.
FLOYD: It's just that feeling of baldness.
I'm bald, but I've got stubble.
He's just got that smooth, dead, manatee skin.
CODEX: OK.
If he leaves, will you be able to focus on the expansion?
FLOYD: Hmm.
If he leaves?
Yes.
CODEX: I will take care of this.
FLOYD: Really?
Thanks, right hand.
This looks like it was written by an eight-year-old.
Oh.
It was.
REPORTER: Hey guys.
We're here at Game HQ, where there's a
dude riding a dragon.
Crazy, right?
Hey, guy?
Why are you riding that thing?
That's what she said.
VORK: My character Vork was perma-banned But I'm here
until all injustices done to characters of
The Game are rectified!
REPORTER: Awesome.
Controller Girl out.
Oh, that is going to make a killer thumbnail image.
CODEX: Hi, hi.
Could I speak to the man on the dragon privately, please?
REPORTER: Whoa, don't try to scoop me.
I was the first vlogger--
VORK: Controller Girl.
A moment.
Then I'll give you the exclusive on my character's
early years.
[CHUCKLES]
He was a handful.
Acknowledging me?
That's a shift.
CODEX: Vork, it's not like I snubbed you
at a cocktail party.
You crashed through Floyd's ceiling.
VORK: My character, your Guild leader, is gone.
Erased!
CODEX: I will get your character restored somehow.
I'm getting way better at deceiving
people for some reason.
VORK: This is not only about me.
This is bigger than my character.
I am standing for every avatar, every crusader!
CODEX: But what about Madeline?
Shouldn't you be spending time with her?
She's pretty.
VORK: As a matter of fact, I do need her to see this.
[BUZZING]
VORK: Madeline?
Picnic?
TINKERBALLA: OK.
Let's get this character super stuck.
And message the manservant hotline.
DONOVAN: Hey, sorry.
I was at Cardio Bar.
It's a type of aerobics that mostly ladies do.
But I've got to work to keep the gluts.
Uh, you messaged?
TINKERBALLA: Sure did.
Soloing can be dangerous when everything's not debugged.
Let me out, cutie?
DONOVAN: Er, yeah.
Let's get your character out of there.
TINKERBALLA: Thanks.
Put your cursor a little close there, huh?
DONOVAN: Oops, sorry.
I--
TINKERBALLA: Can I return the favor somehow?
DONOVAN: Why are you so into me?
TINKERBALLA: What?
I mean, I don't--
I don't know.
You're hot?
DONOVAN: But I'm not.
Not really.
Last year, I went on a nerd reality show, and they trained
me to lift weights, gave me lasiks, put caps on my teeth.
I didn't win the date with Miley Cyrus, but I did get to
have breakfast burritos with her cousin Sheila.
Now girls hit on me when before they
wouldn't look at me twice.
This doesn't make me feel like anyone's being
honest with me anymore.
TINKERBALLA: Well, if you want honesty, I'm not into you for
your looks.
I'm into you because you can buy me things and
do things for me.
Ha ha!
Just kidding.
DONOVAN: Really?
Because if that's true, I'm cool with it.
TINKERBALLA: Huh?
DONOVAN: It's like a relief.
Let's just call it what it is.
I give you game stuff or whatever, and you
spend time with me.
TINKERBALLA: I get what I want, and you
get what you want.
I cant find the flaw.
DONOVAN: Cool!
Here!
Open trade.
[SHIMMERING NOISE]
TINKERBALLA: Whoa!
Awesome!
Thanks!
DONOVAN: I'm getting buzzed for a meeting.
But come over to HQ later, play from my cubicle area.
Wear a dress maybe, if you want.
TINKERBALLA: Rockin.
DONOVAN: OK, bye!
TINKERBALLA: Wow.
Someone finally gets me.
[SEAHORSES WHINNY]
[FUNKY HIP-HOP PLAYING]
CLARA: What's up, boys?
How was your play date?
MR. WIGGLY: Got tattoos.
8 bit anchors.
Whaaat.
CLARA: Oh, pretty.
Wait, what's 8 bit again?
BLADEZZ: Clara, I'm done.
I'd rather watch my mom bounce on Bruiser's lap than see
Wiggly try to be cool again.
If he was, ever.
CLARA: But you have to keep distracting him.
The videos are going so well.
I made one with the lady I met for brunch.
BLADEZZ: OK.
That's what I want to hear.
Something to monetize.
Which is a word for emotional healing.
LADY ON PHONE: --super cute--
CLARA: She was going to break up with her boyfriend because
of her kids, and I totally stopped her.
Watch her smile.
I did that for her!
[LAUGHS]
BLADEZZ: Clara.
That's my mom.
CLARA: Ohhhh.
Fluffy hair's inherited.
EVERYONE SPEAKING: So suck it., OK?
That's ridiculous If we stop working, I stop typing.
Mermaids--
SULA: I can't take this any more.
FLOYD: Oh, good.
Codex is here.
She's gotten rid of that bald menace.
Now we can talk about a release date.
CODEX: No, he actually wouldn't leave.
FLOYD: Sula, call 911.
CODEX: No!
No, because there's a dirty vlogger out there.
One upload and your hate spreadsheet is going to soar.
THEODORA: All the better reason to release the
expansion to distract.
SULA: It would boost activity in our lore
forum by 740% overnight.
DONOVAN: People will love the graphics,
the interactive NPCs.
You've got to release sometime, Floyd.
FLOYD: I don't have to do anything, Donovan.
DON"OVAN: Hey!
ROY: Nothing I ever do will ever be seen by anyone again.
You know why?
Because Floyd's got this face on all the time!
FLOYD: That is adorable, and very inflammatory, Roy!
Fine!
You think I'm a baby?
You want me to just make decisions?
Great.
We're done!
It's over!
Codex, come with!
We're starting from scratch.
[THEME SONG]
PAT: Hi, I'm Pat from Space Janitors.
I play one of the janitors.
BRENDAN: Hi, I'm Brendan from Space Janitors, and I play one
of the janitors.
GAVIN: Guys, just 30 seconds, and I'll be ready.
PAT: That's Gavin.
He's one of the creators.
It's fine.
We can do this.
BRENDAN: No idea why he's getting into costume.
GAVIN: I got it.
This goes on the back, though, so I'm going to
need your help to--
BRENDAN: We're here to announce that Space Janitors
is moving to Geek & Sundry this fall.
PAT: So check it out.
I think, honestly, we're good.
We're good.