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- HEY, KINGSTON, IT'S BOBB ANGEL FROM 99.3 FM.
GUESS WHAT? HOLLYWOOD'S IN TOWN.
YES, THAT HOLLYWOOD.
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED.
- LET'S GO. - COME ON.
- THEY'RE HAVING OPEN CALL AUDITIONS TODAY
AT THE COURTHOUSE THEATER.
THERE'S GONNA BE THIS TALENT SHOW
AND A $10,000 CASH PRIZE FOR THE WINNER.
- IF WE WON $10,000,
I WOULD MOVE OUT OF MY PARENT'S HOUSE.
[both laugh]
- SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
IF YOU CAN SING, DANCE, JUGGLE,
EVEN SHUCK AN OYSTER WHILE YOU WHISTLE...
- I HAVE AN INVISIBLE PIECE OF STRING
THAT I USE SOMETIMES.
- GET DOWN THERE.
LET'S SHOW THOSE HOLLYWOOD TYPES
HOW WE DO IT HERE IN RHODE ISLAND.
- I WANT TO SEE SOMETHING FUN. BRING ME SOMEONE FUN.
- ♪ ALL ACROSS AMERICA ♪
♪ THERE'S FOLKS THAT SHOULD BE FAMOUS ♪
♪ AND NOW THEY'RE GONNA GET THE CHANCE ♪
♪ TO SHOW US, ENTERTAIN US ♪
♪ EACH WEEK, A NEW TOWN WE GO TO ♪
♪ A DENTIST, FARMER, COULD BE YOU ♪
- ♪ WHOO-HO-HO ♪ - ♪ COME ON THROUGH ♪
♪ WELCOME TO SHOWVILLE ♪ - ♪ SHOWVILLE, SHOWVILLE ♪
- ♪ WHOO-HO-HO ♪
♪ YOU AND YOU, WELCOME TO SHOWVILLE ♪
♪ WELCOME TO SHOWVILLE ♪
- WE ARE IN KINGSTON, RHODE ISLAND, TODAY.
- WE'RE GONNA PICK FOUR FINALISTS
FOR OUR BIG TALENT SHOW.
- IS MY PUPPET NERVOUS?
WELL, I MEAN, THESE GUYS-- HE'S A LITTLE SHEEPISH.
- I'M AN ARTISTIC DIRECTOR AND CHOREOGRAPHER,
AND I'VE WORKED SIDE BY SIDE
WITH SOME OF THE BIGGEST NAMES IN THE INDUSTRY.
- I HAVE WORKED WITH ADAM SANDLER, VANESSA WILLIAMS,
EVA LONGORIA, NIA VARDALOS.
- PINK, J.LO, USHER, MADONNA, PRINCE.
- I'M EXCITED TO WORK WITH THE PEOPLE HERE TODAY
BECAUSE ALL THOSE PEOPLE IN L.A.
CAME FROM A PLACE JUST LIKE THIS.
- I'M A THERAPEUTIC HORSEBACK RIDING INSTRUCTOR.
- I WORK AT A SMOOTHIE BAR IN WAKEFIELD,
SO I MAKE SMOOTHIES.
- I'VE NEVER AUDITIONED BEFORE IN MY LIFE.
THIS WILL BE THE FIRST TIME.
- I'M LOOKING FOR PASSION, HEART, SOUL,
AND I JUST WANT TO BE ENTERTAINED TODAY.
- I'M A CELLIST, SINGER, SONGWRITER,
VERY FUNNY PERSON ON OCCASION IN BETWEEN.
- MY ACT CONSISTS OFKULELE,
HULA-HOOP, AND WHAT I LIKE TO CALL BOOBIE MAGIC.
- I'M LOOKING FOR PEOPLE WHO AREN'T AFRAID TO BE THEMSELVES.
- I JUST LEARNED HOW TO DANCE ABOUT A YEAR AGO,
AND I'M GONNA GIVE IT MY BEST.
THE SKY'S THE LIMIT!
- ♪ IT'S ONE FOR THE MONEY ♪
♪ TWO FOR THE SHOW ♪ - AH, YEP.
GO FOR IT, JUST IGNORE--IGNORE ME.
I'M VOCAL. - IGNORE US.
- YEAH. YEAH. - WE GET INTO IT.
- MY NAME'S CHARLIE COCKPIT, THE SINGING AIRLINE PILOT.
HOW ARE YOU?
- "CHARLIE COCKPIT." - YES, CHARLIE COCKPIT.
OKAY, SO SET UP AND WHENEVER YOU'RE READY.
- IS THERE ANYBODY THAT CAN HELP ME?
- WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY.
- I HAVE A BAD BACK, I'M SORRY.
I USED TO CALL IT BLOWER'S BACK.
[laughing]
- THAT'S A GOOD ONE.
YOU COULD USE THAT ONE, RIGHT THERE.
- OH, MY, GOD, I LOVE IT.
- THE ONLY THING THAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT NOW
IS THE FISCAL CLIFF.
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE FISCAL CLIFF.
I HAVE A PHYSICAL CLIFF
HANGING OVER MY BELT RIGHT NOW.
[both laugh]
- THEY ACTUALLY SAY THAT LAUGHTER
IS THE BEST MEDICINE.
- THIS IS TRUE. - YEAH.
WHICH EXPLAINS HOW MY GRANDMOTHER DIED.
both: YEAH.
- JAY-Z, FOR 30 YEARS, HAS BEEN RAPPING ABOUT HOW ILL HE IS.
HE'S, LIKE, "I'M SO ILL.
YOU CAN'T STOP MY ILLNESS. I'M ILL FOREVER."
I'M, LIKE, "JAY-Z, GO TO THE DOCTORS."
- IF YOU'RE SO ILL. - I KNOW.
[playing Krem Bop - The UFO Song]
- ♪ I'M DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD ♪
♪ MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS ♪
- WHAT?
- ♪ WHEN I SEE A UFO ♪
- OOH, I LIKE THE FOOTWORK.
- ♪ SLAM RIGHT INTO A TREE ♪
[playing rock music]
[music stops]
- WAS THAT IT?
- THAT WAS IT.
- ♪ LIKE A *** ♪
both: HEY.
- ♪ I WILL RE-- I WILL REMEMBER ♪
- ♪ JUST GOT MY HEART BROKEN ♪
[playing dramatic, staccato music]
- [groans]
- TO BE OR NOT TO BE?
WHETHER IT IS NOBLER IN THE MIND...
- THAT'S ONE WAY TO GO.
- THANK YOU.
- ♪ I DON'T CARE ♪
♪ ABOUT ANYTHING ♪
♪ AT ALL ♪
- THAT TOOK ME TO A NICE PLACE.
both: YEAH? - YEAH.
- NORMALLY, I WOULD BE BEHIND A SCREEN,
BUT LET ME JUST PUT A HOOD ON.
- SO THAT WE DON'T FOCUS ON YOUR FACE.
- YES, EXACTLY. - OKAY.
- DO YOU EVER DO THIS, LIKE, AT THE BANK?
- [laughs] - THAT WOULD BE A MISTAKE.
- TRY IT. - DON'T DO IT AT THE BANK.
DON'T DO IT AT THE AIRPORT.
- YEAH, WELL, THIS IS UM,
THE HOOD IS ACTUALLY IN THE STYLE OF THE BUNRAKU...
- YES, BUNRAKU PUPPET. - WHICH IS A JAPANESE--
- THAT'S AN ASIAN TERM. I KNOW THAT 'CAUSE--
- EXACTLY. [bleats] EXAA-CTLY.
- YOU ARE CULTURED. OKAY, HERE WE GO.
- [bleating] ♪ I COME HOME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ MY MAA-MMY SAYS ♪
♪ WHEN YOU GONNA LIVE YOUR LIFE RIGHT? ♪
♪ OH, DADDY DEAR, YOU KNOW YOU'RE STILL NUMBER ONE ♪
♪ AND GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FU-UN ♪
- I NEVER WANT THIS TO END.
- ♪ GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FU-UN ♪
- I'M ONE OF THE FEW, YOU KNOW,
PINK UKULELE-PLAYING VAUDEVILLE PERFORMERS,
BUT I'M ONE OF THE ONLY ONES THAT WILL ALSO HULA-HOOP.
- OKAY. - HOLD ON JUST ONE SECOND.
LET ME, UGH-- - ADJUST.
- I'VE GOT TO ADJUST REAL QUICK.
- ADJUSTING. - OH, OH.
- OH. - HEY.
- JUST KIDDING, JUST KIDDING.
- ♪ DON'T YOU STEP ON MY BLUE SUEDE SHOES ♪
♪ ♪
♪ YEAH, LET'S GO ♪
♪ ♪
WHOA! - WHAT?
- HE'S STRADDLING THAT KEYBOARD, HONEY.
- HE'S STRADDLING. HE'S STRADDLING.
[keyboard flourish]
- OH! - WOW!
- THANK YOU.
[rap music playing]
- OH. - OH.
- OH.
- ♪ WHEN I SAY RHODE, YOU SAY ISLAND ♪
♪ RHODE ♪ - ♪ ISLAND ♪
- ♪ RHODE ♪ - ♪ ISLAND ♪
- [exhales]
[breathing heavily]
- ARE YOU OKAY?
IN THROUGH YOUR NOSE, OUT THROUGH YOUR MOUTH.
- I GOTTA QUIT SMOKING.
- I GUESS. - AH.
- [exhales]
I'M FINE.
[exhales]
I KNOW, I SUCK. [exhales]
- YEAH, I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS,
UH, FINDING OUT IF I MADE IT TO THE FINALS.
- I THINK I DID PRETTY WELL.
- THAT'S EVERYBODY.
- I THINK WE'VE GOT OUR FOUR.
- I FEEL GREAT ABOUT THE ACTS WE PICKED OUT.
ALL HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY.
THEY'RE EACH UNIQUE AND AUTHENTIC,
BUT THEY COULDN'T BE MORE DIFFERENT FROM EACH OTHER.
OUR FIRST FINALIST IS...
CHARLIE COCKPIT.
[cheers and applause]
- [chuckles] I'M REALLY EXCITED.
AH! [laughs]
- OUR SECOND FINALIST IS NIKI LUPARELLI.
[cheers and applause]
- I WANT TO WIN SO BAD.
I'M GONNA TRY TO STAY REASONABLY SOBER,
AND WE'RE GONNA MAKE THIS HAPPEN.
- OUR THIRD FINALISTS ARE...
HANNAH AND CONNOR.
[cheers and applause]
- EXCITED. - UNBELIEVABLE.
I'M TRYING TO WRAP-- - SPEECHLESS.
- YEAH, TRYING TO WRAP MY HEAD AROUND IT RIGHT NOW.
[laughs] I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE THIS.
- OUR FOURTH FINALIST IS ELLIOT RICCI.
- IF I WIN THE $10,000,
I'LL PROBABLY GET AN INVISIBLE DOG FENCE FIRST.
- WE HAVE FOUR GREAT ACTS,
AND I CAN'T WAIT TO WORK WITH THEM.
WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.
- HI, MOM. [laughs]
I MADE IT ON THE TALENT SHOW HERE IN RHODE ISLAND.
THEY'LL NEVER KNOW SHE'S NOT ALIVE.
HELLO, EVERYONE. HOW ARE YOU?
I'M CHARLIE COCKPIT, THE SINGING AIRLINE PILOT.
- MY NAME IS GREGORY ROMAN.
I'M IN MY 37s.
♪ [scatting] ♪ [laughs]
I CREATED CHARLIE COCKPIT, THE SINGING AIRLINE PILOT,
ABOUT TWO YEARS AGO
BECAUSE I REALIZED THAT THE COUNTRY WAS DEPRESSED.
♪ KREM BOP-A-DOODLEY [scatting gibberish] ♪
AN AIRLINE PILOT. PEOPLE WOULD JUST BE HAPPY.
♪ [scatting] ♪
BECAUSE EVERYBODY LOVES AN AIRLINE PILOT.
♪ [scatting] ♪
- WE HAVE THEM ALREADY. - I KNOW.
THEY'RE DOING ANOTHER SHOT OF ME.
- OH, OKAY. - A WIDE SHOT.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE, EVERYONE.
I THINK I'M JUST LUCKY ENOUGH
THAT MY PARTNER SUPPORTS ME FINANCIALLY
AND CHARLIE COCKPIT.
- PERFECT.
- IT'S LIKE A PILGRIM DINNER.
- [laughs] IT'S NOT A PILGRIM DINNER.
- VERN IS MY PARTNER OF 26 YEARS.
EVERYTHING I'VE EVER DONE, HE'S REALLY--
HE'S VERY SUPPORTIVE.
- THIS LOOKS REALLY GOOD.
- HE'S A REALIST.
THAT'S WHAT I'LL SAY.
HE'S A REALIST, AND I'M A DREAMER.
[chuckles] I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A DREAMER.
YOU WANT VERN TO SIT IN THAT WHITE CHAIR?
- SIT--YEAH, SIT IN THIS CORNER, YES.
- THAT CLOSE? - YEAH, YOU HAVE TO SHOW--
YOU'RE LOVING EACH OTHER RIGHT NOW.
- OH, LIKE, THAT CLOSE LOVING?
- SIT DOWN. YOU LOVE ME.
- NOBODY LOVES EACH OTHER THAT MUCH.
I WANT TO WIN. OF COURSE I WANT TO WIN.
BUT WHY?
JUST BECAUSE IT WOULD BE NICE TO WIN.
[laughs]
- HE ORDERED THE PILOT UNIFORM, THE HAT.
BUT THEN ONCE I WRAPPED MY HEAD AROUND IT,
THEN I'M LIKE, "YOU NEED MORE."
SO I GOT HIM, LIKE, THE PIN, THE TIE.
- WELL, I HAD THE TIE. I MEAN, IT WASN'T LIKE--
BUT YOU DID ADD, YOU MEAN.
WHAT PILOT DOESN'T HAVE A TIE?
I'M JUST BEING REALISTIC.
- [laughs] YES.
- WE'RE AT MY HOUSE,
AND THIS IS MY LOVELY FIANCEE, MYRA.
PRIOR TO WORKING AS A DENTAL HYGIENIST,
I WORKED IN A PET SHOP,
AND THAT'S HOW I MET MYRA HERE.
AND MYRA CAME IN LOOKING FOR A TURTLE.
THE REST IS HISTORY. WE JUST FELL IN LOVE.
WE LOVE ANIMALS, EXOTIC PETS.
THIS IS CHARLOTTE, THE TARANTULA.
- KIRBY, WHAT DOES A KITTY-CAT SAY?
- [parrot meows] - MEOW.
- AH, WE HAVE A VARIETY OF SNAKES AND LIZARDS, FISH.
ALL HUMANS ARE ANIMALS,
BUT I CONSIDER MYSELF TO BE A--
I GUESS YOU COULD SAY A MUSICAL ANIMAL.
I HAVE 20 SNAKES, AND THIS IS BLONDIE.
- I NEVER IMAGINED THAT I WOULD EVER LIVE
IN A HOUSE WITH EVEN ONE SNAKE.
- THIS IS MY BIG GIRL, VEGAS.
- WHEN YOU LOVE ANOTHER PERSON
AND YOU SEE THAT THEY HAVE A PASSION FOR SOMETHING...
- AND SHE IS BIG, GORGEOUS. - YOU LEARN TO ADMIRE IT.
- I LOVE THIS SNAKE A LOT.
- ELLIOT IS THE SWEETEST AND KINDEST MAN.
A REALLY, REALLY GOOD PERSON.
- ALL RIGHT, AND STOP, AND ROMANTIC KISS.
- BUT WE'RE STILL WAITING FOR THE WEDDING.
- YOU KNOW, HOPEFULLY, IF I WIN THE 10 GRAND,
MAYBE WE CAN HAVE A WEDDING FOR OURSELVES,
AND THEN GET AN INVISIBLE DOG FENCE AFTER THAT.
[laughter]
- IT'S OUR FIRST REHEARSAL WITH THE FINALISTS,
AND ALEC AND I GET TO WORK WITH THEM FOR TWO DAYS.
♪ ♪
- ELLIOT'S BIGGEST STRENGTH
IS CLEARLY HIS TALENT AS A PIANO PLAYER,
AND I'M NOT HERE TO RADICALLY CHANGE ANYBODY'S ACT.
I'M HERE TO, LIKE, BUILD ON THE FOUNDATION
OF WHAT THEY'VE ALREADY SET.
[keyboard flourish] - FUN, FUN.
- HI. - HELLO.
- HOW ARE YOU? - CHARLIE COCKPIT.
WE PICKED CHARLIE COCKPIT
SIMPLY BECAUSE I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT BEFORE.
- OH, MY BACK.
- OH, WE'VE GOT TO BE CAREFUL. - I KNOW. IT'S OKAY.
- WE'VE GOT TO BE CAREFUL WITH THE BACK.
- TO BE HONEST WITH YOU,
I'M A LITTLE ANXIOUS BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW.
AM I GONNA GET A PIE IN THE FACE?
[laughs] I DON'T KNOW.
♪ ♪
- [laughs] - HOW YOU DOING?
- I'M GOOD. HOW ARE YOU? - YOU'RE ALL DRESSED UP.
- YEAH. - LOOK AT YOU.
YOU'RE IN A THREE-PIECE SUIT.
- [laughs] - I FEEL NAKED.
- I BELIEVE I HAVE THE WHOLE PACKAGE.
I HAVE THE DYNAMICS
AND THE DRAMA AND THE EXCITEMENT.
- TAKE OFF THE COAT FOR A SECOND.
- WE CAN TAKE THAT OFF. - TAKE OFF THE--
GIVE ME THAT COAT.
- WHAT I GOT FROM THE AUDITION WAS THAT YOU HAVE
AN INCREDIBLE CHARACTER TO WORK WITH.
I WANT TO PLAY WITH INTRODUCING YOUR CHARACTER
IN A DIFFERENT WAY,
ALMOST LIKE TAKING YOUR AUDIENCE ON FLIGHT.
WE'RE ONBOARD, AND THEN IT'S ALL MONEY FROM THERE.
- "THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING."
- "THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN"-- EXACTLY.
- HELLO, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING.
MY NAME IS CAPTAIN CHARLIE COCKPIT.
I'M GONNA SING A SONG I WROTE CALLED KREM BOP.
- "WON'T YOU SNAP ALONG WITH ME?"
- WON'T YOU SNAP ALONG WITH ME?
- LIKE, GET THAT PART-- YEAH, EXACTLY.
- AND FEEL FREE TO SNAP ALONG WITH ME.
- THERE YOU GO. THAT'S FROM CHARLIE'S WORDS.
- ROLL UP THESE SLEEVES, 'CAUSE I WANT TO GET ROAD HOUSE.
I FEEL LIKE ELLIOT'S AT WAR WITH HIMSELF.
THERE IS MILD-MANNERED ELLIOT,
AND THEN THERE'S, LIKE, THE ELLIOT
THAT WANTS TO BE JERRY LEE LEWIS.
I FEEL LIKE THAT SUIT IS, LIKE, UGH.
RIGHT?
- I CAN TAKE THE SUIT OFF WHILE I'M PLAYING TOO, YOU KNOW?
- YOU CAN? - ABSOLUTELY.
- SEE, 'CAUSE THAT WOULD TAKE US FROM
LIKE, "I'M CLARK KENT. NO, I'M ACTUALLY SUPERMAN."
- YEAH.
- I WOULD LOVE YOU TO WORK THE STAGE
A LITTLE BIT, JUST DOING YOUR MOVE.
I DON'T WANT TO CHANGE YOUR MOVE
'CAUSE I THINK IT'S BRILLIANT.
- I PURPOSELY KIND OF STAY IN ONE SPOT
BECAUSE IF YOU NOTICE, THAT'S WHAT, LIKE, FRANK
AND ALL THOSE OTHER GUYS DID. - YEAH.
DO THE WALK. LET'S TRY THE WALK.
FIVE, SIX, A FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT.
♪ KREM BOP-A-DOODLEY-DAY ♪
- ♪ KREM BOP-A-DOODLEY-DAY ♪
both: ♪ KREM BOP A-DOODLEY-DAY ♪
- LISETTE WAS INCREDIBLE FOR ME,
BECAUSE I WOULD SING MORE LIKE FRANK SINATRA,
WHO JUST KIND OF DOESN'T MOVE VERY MUCH, AND THAT'S FINE.
BUT FOR THIS SONG IN PARTICULAR,
I THINK SHE REALLY HELPED ME,
LIKE, BRING IT OUT TO WHERE IT SHOULD BE,
SO I'M THRILLED.
- HOMEWORK NUMBER ONE FOR YOU TONIGHT.
- [laughs] - OKAY.
SO REALLY GETTING EVERYTHING OUT THAT YOU WANT TO SAY
IN A VERY CONDENSED, POWERFUL--
- READER'S DIGEST. - READER'S DIGEST.
- WHEN I WAS A KID, I WAS A PROCRASTINATOR
WITH HOMEWORK, BUT NOT TONIGHT.
- OKAY, STOP FOR A SECOND. - OKAY.
- ALL RIGHT, ALL OF YOUR MUSIC IS FINE,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? - ALL RIGHT.
- WHAT I'M MISSING IS KIND OF THE STANK FROM THE BEGINNING.
- OKAY. - ALL RIGHT? SAY "STANK."
- STANK. - THIS STANKS!
- STANKS! - STANK! SAY "DIRTY."
- DIRTY. - DIRTY!
- DIRTY!
- GIVE ME A GROWL. GIVE ME A "ARRR."
- [growls] - YEAH, BIGGER.
WHAT'S GONNA WIN HIM THIS CONTEST IS THAT WILD GUY.
SO TOMORROW WHEN WE WORK, I WANT TO--
I WANT TO BREAK HIM OUT OF UPTIGHT ELLIOT,
AND I WANT TO LET LOOSE THE BEAST.
- [growls]
- WE ARE VERY EXCITED THAT THE TALENT SHOW IS IN TOWN.
WE LOVE HOLLYWOOD AND MOVIES, TV.
- I'M GONNA TRY TO COME TO THE TALENT SHOW.
WHAT'S THE TALENT SHOW?
- PUT THAT IN.
- PUT THAT IN. [both laugh]
- THIS IS THE BOOBIE MIC.
IS THERE SOUND ON THE BOOBIE MIC?
THERE'S AN ECHO IN HERE. I DON'T KNOW WHY.
THIS IS PRETTY MUCH MY LOOK 24/7,
AND IT IS A SMALL TOWN, AND I'VE NEVER REALLY--
I NEVER FIT IN.
FROM DAY ONE, I NEVER FIT IN HERE.
IT'S GONNA BE WEIRD PLAYING IN FRONT OF--
IN FRONT OF THE HOMETOWN FOLK
BECAUSE THEY PROBABLY ALREADY HAVE PRECONCEPTIONS.
I TRY NOT TO GET MY HOPES UP BECAUSE I CRY EASILY.
I DON'T LIKE TO BE DISAPPOINTED.
I DON'T WANT TO THROW AN EYELASH.
- TWO OF THOSE, AND YOU LOSE AN INCH.
- [laughs]
- BEING MARRIED TO NIKI IS VERY ENTERTAINING.
JUST A STAND-UP COMEDY STORE IN HERE.
- WON BEST JAZZ ACT LAST YEAR.
I'M NOT REALLY A JAZZ BAND.
I PLAY, LIKE, POP SONGS FROM THE '50s AND '60s.
BUT WHATEVER, THE KIDS THINK THAT'S JAZZ.
BLESS 'EM.
OKAY, THIS IS A LITTLE LOW CUT,
SO, THE BIG KAZOO, YOU MIGHT, YOU MIGHT SEE IT.
ONE OF THE DIFFICULTIES WITH CHOOSING A DRESS
IS FINDING ONE THAT WILL ALLOW
THE STORAGE SPACE THAT I NEED TO MAKE MY BRA INTO A PURSE.
YOU'LL BE ABLE TO SEE STUFF. THE MAGIC IS RUINED.
TOO PEG BUNDY?
- YEAH, A LITTLE. - ARR, I'M A TIGER.
ARR, RIGHT? GIVE ME $10,000.
BUT GENERALLY, I'M VINTAGE ALL THE TIME,
AND I THINK ASIDE FROM THE POLIO,
I WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH BETTER OFF LIVING IN THE '40s.
- YOU WEARING YOUR CORSET AS WELL?
- OF COURSE I'M GONNA WEAR MY CORSET.
WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M GONNA DO, DIET AND EXERCISE?
UGH.
[playing upbeat music]
- WE MET AT BERKLEE COLLEGE OF MUSIC IN BOSTON.
THAT LED TO PICKING UP THE GUITAR,
AND THAT LED TO NOT STUDYING AND WRITING MUSIC
FOR WAY TOO LONG INTO THE EARLY HOURS.
♪ ♪
RIGHT NOW, I'M CURRENTLY LIVING
BACK AT HOME WITH MY PARENTS.
GOOD OLD MOM AND DAD.
- I'M LIVING WITH MY MOM
AND MY LITTLE BROTHER AS WELL, SO--
- WE'RE FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO HAVE PARENTS
THAT OPENED THEIR DOORS...
- SUPPORT US. - BACK UP TO US.
- HERE WE GO.
all: ♪ PUSSYCAT, PUSSYCAT, I LOVE YOU ♪
- BOTH MY PARENTS HAVE EMBEDDED IN ME
SUCH A GREAT APPRECIATION AND LOVE FOR MUSIC.
MY DAD WILL CLAIM THAT HE GAVE ME THE SINGING VOICE--
- THAT'S RIGHT.
- I WAS A MUSICIAN.
THE FIRST BAND I WAS IN, THAT WAS DIRTY PHYLLIS.
- ♪ PUSSYCAT, PUSSYCAT, YOU'RE DELICIOUS ♪
- FRIDAY NIGHTS, MY LATE HUSBAND AND I
WOULD HAVE TOM JONES NIGHT.
WE PLAYED TOM JONES ALL NIGHT WITH ALL THE KIDS.
- SING-ALONGS. - SING-ALONGS, EVERYTHING.
- YOU KNOW THE LYRICS, STOP ACTING
LIKE THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE HEARD THIS SONG.
- TODAY'S OUR FIRST REHEARSAL WITH CONNOR AND HANNAH.
THEY HAVE TO TAKE THEIR PRESENCE TO ANOTHER LEVEL,
AND THEY HAVE TO GET THE AUDIENCE
INVOLVED IN THEIR ACT.
- GETTING ME ALL TAPED UP. - YEAH.
- THE FACT THAT YOU'RE HERE
AND YOU WANT TO FIND THIS SMALL-TOWN TALENT,
THAT'S WHAT I'VE DREAMED OF SINCE I WAS TWO.
- CONNOR? - YES.
- HANNAH. - YES.
- DONE.
- WE CAN SEND A MESSAGE
THROUGH MUSIC THAT WE WRITE, AND THAT--
- IF YOU'RE PASSIONATE ABOUT IT,
YOU CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN.
- I'M ABOUT TO WORK WITH ALEC FOR THE FIRST TIME.
I THINK THAT WE'RE GONNA BE FRIENDS AFTER,
OR I'M GONNA STALK HIM ON FACEBOOK.
WHATEVER.
WHATEVER HAS TO HAPPEN IS GONNA HAPPEN,
BUT I LOVE HIM.
- HELLO. HEY. - HOLD ME.
I LOVE HER 'CAUSE SHE IS A VAUDEVILLIAN.
AND I LOOKED AT HER AND I THOUGHT,
YOU KNOW, SHE'S ONE OF THE TRIBE.
TODAY, I'M GONNA TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY AS AN ARTIST.
- YOU ARE? - OKAY?
I THINK THAT SHE'S VERY GOOD AT WHAT SHE DOES,
BUT SHE DOESN'T TAKE HERSELF SERIOUSLY AS A PERFORMER.
I'D RATHER HAVE YOU DO A SMALL NUMBER OF THINGS REALLY WELL
THAN A BUNCH OF THINGS... - HODGEPODGE KIND OF--
YEAH. - AND A HOT MESS.
- ALL RIGHT, SO WE'LL DO ONE FLASK.
- OKAY. - AND THAT GOES IN LIKE THIS.
- OKAY.
- ALL RIGHT, THIS HAS TO GO UNDERNEATH.
THE FIRST TIME I DECIDED TO USE MY BRA AS A PURSE
WAS AROUND THE SENIOR PROM
BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE A PURSE THAT MATCHED MY DRESS.
- WHERE DOES THE BIRD GO? - THE BIRD SITS HERE.
THE BIG KAZOO, TWO HERE,
THE AMP THING THERE, THE FLASK THERE.
I THINK THAT'S ALL I'M GONNA
HAVE TIME TO DO REALLY. - RIGHT.
- BUT IF YOU'RE GONNA DO YOUR CELL PHONE...
- RIGHT. - WRAP IT IN PLASTIC.
- OKAY.
- AWESOME GUITAR. AND IT'S A BEAUTIFUL GUITAR.
- OH, THANK YOU. SAVED UP FOR THIS.
- THE THING THAT I THINK HANNAH AND CONNOR HAVE,
UH, IS FRESHNESS.
AND I THINK THEY CAN OFFER SOMETHING TOTALLY DIFFERENT
THAN ANY OTHER FINALIST IN THIS SHOW.
ONE THING FOR YOU, HANNAH, OPEN IT UP.
SO WHEN YOU'RE PLAYING,
I DEFINITELY WANT YOU TO PLAY INTO HER...
- YEP, BUT CONNECTING WITH THE CROWD AS WELL.
- BUT CONNECT WITH THE AUDIENCE.
- ♪ MY LOVE, YOUR LOVE IS ALL I NEED ♪
- AND THEN KIND OF GET THAT AUDIENCE.
- ♪ PLEASE BELIEVE ♪ - ♪ [scatting] ♪
JUST, LIKE, A LITTLE BREAKOUT MAYBE.
- AND IT CAN BE, LIKE, TWO BARS OR SOMETHING,
AND THEN YOU START PLAYING.
I DON'T KNOW. YOU GUYS LIKE THAT IDEA?
- YEAH. NO, I DO.
- OKAY, SO WHAT DOES KINGSTON EVEN MAKE OF YOU?
- I'M JUST-- I'M JUST TOO MUCH.
I'M TOO BLONDE, I'M TOO LOUD, TOO ***.
- SO SHOW DAY, WHAT'S GONNA BLOW THEM AWAY
IS IF YOU COME IN WITH COMPLETE CONFIDENCE
AND JUST OWN IT AND DON'T APOLOGIZE.
DON'T GIVE A [bleep] WHAT ANYBODY THINKS.
'CAUSE THAT'S--I THINK THAT'S WHO NIKI IS.
AM I ABLE TO HUG YOU WITHOUT BREAKING A WINE BOTTLE.
- OH, YEAH, NO--NO GLASS. - ALL RIGHT.
- ♪ MY LOVE, YOUR LOVE IS ALL I NEED ♪
- FIVE, SIX.
SO HOMEWORK, I WOULD LOVE FOR YOU GUYS
TO WORK OUT THAT PART
SO IT'S CLEAN. - DEFINITELY.
- MM-HMM. - THAT PART IS EVERYTHING.
- I LIKE THAT, YEAH. - RIGHT.
- I LIKE THAT A LOT. - IT JUST PUTS THE CHERRY.
- THAT'S A GAME CHANGER. - IT'S A GAME CHANGER.
- WE ALREADY CONNECT SO WELL WITH EACH OTHER,
IT'S MORE OF-- - BRINGING IT TO THE CROWD.
- SO SHE DEFINITELY-- WE TOOK A LOT
OUT OF WHAT LISETTE GAVE US TODAY.
- I'M IN A VARIETY TALENT SHOW,
AND IT WOULD BE REALLY COOL
IF I COULD GIVE YOU A FLYER FOR IT.
SO TODAY, I'VE DECIDED TO USE ONE OF MY EXTRA SKILLS
AS A MARILYN IMPERSONATOR TO TRY AND LURE PEOPLE
INTO THE SHOW, SO THAT I CAN WIN.
MAYBE I CAN, LIKE, LEAVE A COUPLE HERE.
- YEAH, OF COURSE. - REALLY?
- YEAH. - OH, THAT WOULD BE SO AWESOME.
I'M TRYING TO WIN $10,000.
I HAVE A REALLY OLD CAR. IT WOULD BE REALLY NICE.
- HI. HOW ARE YOU GUYS?
[giggles] WE'RE COMPETING IN A TALENT SHOW.
THE AUDIENCE VOTES.
- PASSING OUT THOSE FLYERS,
WE JUST WANT TO GET AS MANY PEOPLE IN THE AUDIENCE
AS WE CAN TO PERSONALLY COME SUPPORT US.
- I KNOW, IT NOT EVERY DAY SOMETHING LIKE THIS
COMES TO A SMALL TOWN.
- WE'RE AT AQUIDNECK DENTAL IN PORTSMOUTH, RHODE ISLAND,
AND I'M A DENTAL HYGIENIST.
I ALWAYS TRY TO WEAR UNIFORMS THAT ARE FUN.
- ERIN, HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. HOW YOU DOING? - GOOD. GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- I LOVE BEING A DENTAL HYGIENIST
BECAUSE I HAVE A CHANCE TO HELP IMPROVE PEOPLE'S HEALTHCARE.
ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA GO OVER A BRUSHING TECHNIQUE WITH YOU.
- ELLIOT, WHEN HE'S IN THE OFFICE,
YOU KNOW, HE'S VERY PROFESSIONAL.
HE DOESN'T GO AROUND SORT OF SINGING IN THE OFFICE.
- WHEN YOU BRUSH THE BACK TEETH, A LITTLE TRICK--
- AND WHEN YOU SEE HIM ON STAGE,
HE JUST BECOMES LIKE THIS DIFFERENT PERSON.
- GOOD TO KNOW.
- SO TWO TIMES A DAY WITH THE BRUSHING.
ONCE A DAY WITH THE FLOSS.
AND ANYTIME YOU EAT A SUGARY SNACK,
ALTHOUGH YOU SHOULD AVOID SUGARY SNACKS,
MAKE SURE YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH IMMEDIATELY AFTER EATING THEM.
- LISETTE HAS WORKED WITH MADONNA, BRITNEY SPEARS, J.LO.
- SHE'S GONNA ADD CONNOR AND HANNAH TO THE LIST.
[all laugh]
- THAT'D BE PRETTY COOL.
BUT NO, AND IT WAS REALLY AWESOME
'CAUSE SHE CONNECTED WITH US
ON A LEVEL OF BEING SONGWRITERS.
YOU KNOW, SHE DIDN'T TRY TO TAKE US AND MAKE US INTO
THIS CHOREOGRAPHED ACT.
SHE WAS JUST LIKE, "DO YOUR THING."
- LISTENING. - YEAH.
- BUT HERE'S A LITTLE EXTRA. - EXACTLY.
- [plays kazoo] AH, FUDGE.
NO, NO, I'M PROFESSIONAL. I'M PROFESSIONAL.
I BROUGHT BACKUP. I BROUGHT A BACKUP.
THIS IS NOT MY FIRST DAY AT THE RODEO. HERE WE GO.
[plays kazoo] THAT'S NOT RIGHT.
OH, MY GOD. DID YOU KNOW I DO MAGIC?
IS THIS YOUR BIRD?
CAWW! I HATE YOU, BIRD!
OKAY, JUST KIDDING. HERE WE GO.
- BUT THIS LISETTE, SHE WAS INCREDIBLE.
SHE'S WORKED WITH MADONNA, BRITTANY SPEARS, PRINCE.
- [gasps] ARE YOU GONNA DANCE?
- NO. I DON'T KNOW-- [both laugh]
NO, I'M NOT GONNA-- - 'CAUSE I KNOW HOW YOU DANCE.
- THEY'RE NOT GONNA TEACH ME--NO.
- THIS IS THE TOWER. CHARLIE COCKPIT.
YOU ARE CLEARED FOR LANDING. - [chuckles]
- BOOP!
I THINK CHARLIE'S ACT IS ORIGINAL,
BUT IT'S NOT ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT CAN BE SLOPPY.
HE HAS TO REALLY BE ON TOP OF HIS OPENING.
DID YOU DO YOUR HOMEWORK? - YES, I DID.
- DID YOU WORK ON YOUR PATTER?
- I WORKED ON THE OPENING, YES.
- ALL RIGHT. - WELCOME ABOARD.
MY NAME IS CHARLIE COCKPIT, THE SINGING AIRLINE PILOT.
I'VE BEEN TRAVELING THE COUNTRY SINGING ON CITY STREETS,
SINGING SONGS AND CHEERING UP AMERICA.
SO--AH--I'M SORRY. - KEEP GOING.
SHOULD WE-- OKAY, OKAY. CAN I JUST--CAN I JUST GO--
- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
- I'VE TRAVELED-- I JUST [bleeped] IT UP.
- NO, IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY.
THIS IS WHAT REHEARSAL IS FOR. - YEAH.
- CHARLIE NEEDS TO CLEAN THINGS UP.
HE HAS GREAT ENERGY.
HE'S KIND OF ALL OVER THE PLACE RIGHT NOW.
SO JUST TRY IT AGAIN AND JUST DON'T--DON'T STOP.
- I ABSOLUTELY LOVE WORKING WITH ALEC.
I'VE NEVER HAD ANYBODY CARE ABOUT ME SO MUCH.
I WISH HE LIVED IN TOWN. I'D BE HIS FRIEND.
- UP YOUR GAME FOR THIS, ALL RIGHT?
- YEP. - CLEAN UP THIS MESS.
- [laughs] - CLEAN UP ON AISLE THREE.
AND YOU CALL YOURSELF A CAPTAIN?
[both laugh] - YEAH.
- HEY, LISETTE. - HELLO, ELLIOT.
- HOW'S IT GOING? - GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- SO DAY TWO WITH ELLIOT--
HIS SHOW IS PRETTY PHYSICAL,
AND SO WE'RE GONNA TAKE HIM THROUGH SOME DRILLS,
GET THE BLOOD PUMPING, GET THE HEART MOVING.
HE'S GONNA HAVE TO SING AND MOVE AT THE SAME TIME
AND GET THAT STAMINA GOING.
- TOUCH MY HAND, TOUCH MY HAND. - NOT BAD, HUH?
- KEEP GOING. NOW LET'S DO SOME JUMPING JACKS.
- JUMPING JACKS.
COUNT THEM OUT. - TWO, THREE--
- COUNT IT OUT FOR ME.
COUNT IT OUT. - THREE.
- YOU'VE GOT TO USE YOUR BREATH.
GIVE ME A ♪ WHAP-BOP-A-LOO-BAH ♪
GIVE ME SOME TUNES HERE.
- ♪ WHOO ♪ - NO "WHOO."
YOU'VE GOT TO-- WHAT'S THE SONG?
- ♪ BEEN DOWN EVERY ROAD ♪
- BIGGER JOG, COME ON.
- ♪ EVERY CORNER OF THE WORLD ♪
- COME ON. - ♪ LOOKING FOR AN ANSWER ♪
- YEP. - ♪ OR A RIDDLE TO UNFOLD ♪
- KNEES UP.
WHAT HE NEEDS TO DO TO WIN IS JUST, LIKE,
RELEASE THE BEAST AND GO FOR IT.
IF YOU DO YOUR JOB AND WORK IT OUT TONIGHT
JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE, FINE-TUNE,
YOU'RE GONNA BE GOOD TO GO.
- I DON'T KNOW IF THE WORLD IS READY FOR ELLIOT RICCI,
BUT IT BETTER GET READY, 'CAUSE I'M COMING.
- ♪ MY LOVE, YOUR LOVE IS ALL I NEED ♪
♪ YOUR LOVE IS ALL I NEED ♪
- YESTERDAY, THAT WAS--
YOU WERE LIKE A COFFEEHOUSE ACT,
AND TODAY IT'S, LIKE, YOU TOOK IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL
AND YOU DID YOUR HOMEWORK, SO I'M REALLY PROUD OF YOU.
DO YOU GET NERVOUS BEFORE GOING ON STAGE?
- YEAH. - YEAH.
WHAT'S--WHAT'S YOUR WORST CASE SCENARIO?
- THAT I FORGET THE WORDS OR SOMETHING.
- BUT THAT'S THE THING ABOUT AN ORIGINAL SONG.
WE DON'T KNOW THE WORDS. - EXACTLY.
- THEY'RE NOT GONNA KNOW THE WORDS.
SO EVEN IF YOU FUDGE ANYTHING, AND YOU...
♪ [scatting] ♪
THEY'RE NOT GONNA KNOW.
SO A LITTLE BIT OF NERVES ARE GOOD.
KATHARINE HEPBURN SAID, "I STILL GET BUTTERFLIES,
BUT I'VE TAUGHT THEM HOW TO FLY IN FORMATION."
- [laughs] THERE YOU GO. - THAT'S AWESOME.
- DOES THAT MAKE SENSE? - YEAH.
- ALL RIGHT?
- OTHER SIDE.
- IS IT SUPPOSED TO CRACK LIKE THAT?
I FEEL LIKE THE ACT IS READY TO GO,
I JUST HAVE TO NAIL IT.
I HAVE TO BE THE BEST HOOPING, UKE-ING,
BOOBIE-ING PERFORMER EVER.
- YOU'RE GONNA STEP, BRING THE BABIES OUT.
NIKI HAS SO MUCH GOING ON, WHICH IS GREAT,
BUT THE THING WITH HER IS I WANT TO MAKE SURE
WE HEAR EVERY JOKE,
WE SEE EVERY HIP ROLL, AND THAT SHE NAILS IT.
WHOMP. TRY IT WITH ME.
- I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO THAT WHOMP THING.
- YOU CAN DO THE WHOMP THING.
CUTE! SO CUTE. - BETTER? THAT'S BETTER?
- YES, BETTER. - OH, OKAY.
- SO THING IS, YOU KNOW,
WHEN YOU WALK ONTO THE STAGE,
THAT'S WHEN THE SHOW STARTS.
EVEN MORE, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
LIKE--
OOH, YEAH.
- I NEVER EVEN THOUGHT TO WORK ON MY ENTRANCE.
FOR ME, YOU KNOW, THE SHOW DIDN'T START
UNTIL I PICKED UP THE MIC AND STARTING TALKING.
SO TO EVEN THINK ABOUT MAKING YOUR PERSONALITY KNOWN
AND BEFORE YOU EVEN SAID A WORD IS GREAT.
I'VE NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT,
AND I'M DEFINITELY GONNA DO THAT.
- FOCUS ON THE MATERIAL.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA WEAR. YOU LOOK HOT.
AND TAKE CARE OF THOSE, OKAY?
'CAUSE THOSE ARE YOUR-- - [laughs] I'LL ICE THEM.
- ♪ SHE WALKED INTO A PET SHOP ♪
♪ SAW A REAL CUTE GUY ♪
MYRA JUST STARTED TAKING UP THE UPRIGHT BASE.
SHE LIKES TO PLAY ALONG WHEN I'M PLAYING THE PIANO.
SHE'S GETTING GOOD AT IT. WE DO A LOT OF DUETS TOGETHER.
both: ♪ GONNA BOOGIE, BOOGIE, BOOGIE WITH THE FISH ♪
♪ BOOGIE, BOOGIE, BOOGIE WITH THE FISH ♪
[piano flourish]
- FOR YOU TO BE ABLE TO SHARE YOUR MUSIC
WITH SUCH A BIG AUDIENCE AT ONE TIME,
THIS WILL BE UNBELIEVABLE.
- ABSOLUTELY. - YOU NERVOUS?
- NAH, NOT REALLY. - NOT TOO MUCH?
- NAH, YOU KNOW ME,
I'M JUST KIND OF-- MOST COMFORTABLE
WHEN I'M PERFORMING, SO.
- HONEY, BE CAREFUL.
WHEN YOU STRADDLE THAT PIANO, IT SCARES ME.
- [laughs] - IT DOES. YOU KNOW THAT.
I TELL YOU EVERY TIME.
- HI. - HI.
- YOUR HAZELNUT COFFEE.
I WORK AT A COFFEE SHOP IN THE SOUTH COUNTY COMMONS
CALLED BREWED AWAKENINGS.
I WORK THE FRONT COUNTER,
YOU KNOW, PASSING COFFEES AND SMILES
TO PEOPLE BRIGHT AND EARLY.
I'M PERFORMING WITH A FRIEND OF MINE.
- COOL. - WE HAVE A SHOT TO WIN $10,000.
- WOW. - SO IT'S PRETTY--
PRETTY IMPORTANT TO US. - YEAH.
- I MEAN I WOULD LOVE TO GO BUY A NEW CAR
WITH THE MONEY, BUT I COULD NOT TAKE THIS MONEY
AND PUT IT TO ANYTHING ELSE OTHER THAN A RECORD AND A TOUR.
I WANT TO GO MEET AMERICA WITH OUR MUSIC.
- THERE'S HEINEKENS. WHO WANTS A HEINEKEN?
- AND THERE'S ***. I MEAN, THERE'S WINE.
- AND THERE'S WHISKEY.
SIT DOWN, WE'LL PUT A PLATE IN FRONT OF YOU.
- POOR CREW, YOU GOTTA GET SICK OF HOTEL FOOD.
- WHO ELSE IS LEFT? HOW ABOUT YOU?
- UH, SURE. - HOW ABOUT YOU?
- I WILL. I'LL TRY SOME.
- FOR ANOTHER-- SO THAT'S THREE MORE.
MY PARENTS WOULD COOK FOR EVERYBODY.
IT'S WHAT YOU DO.
THAT'S WHAT YOU DO AS A HUMAN BEING, I DON'T CARE.
FEED THEM. - FEEDING.
- AM I GONNA WIN? I DON'T KNOW.
I WOULD LOVE TO WIN,
BUT I AM UP AGAINST SOME REALLY STIFF COMPETITION,
SO I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S LIKE A SOUP KITCHEN BUT WITH MEAT.
[chuckles]
DOES ANYBODY WANT A GOLDEN MONKEY?
- TONIGHT, WE'RE HERE
BECAUSE I'M IN THE NARRAGANSETT BEER CALENDAR.
I'M A CALENDAR GIRL.
AND TONIGHT IS THE BIG RELEASE OF THE CALENDAR HERE,
AND I'M GONNA MAYBE SIGN SOME AUTOGRAPHS IF ANYBODY WANTS ONE.
I'M GETTING A LITTLE FREAKED OUT ABOUT THE SHOW TOMORROW.
MY BIGGEST WORRY IS THAT I'M GONNA START STUMBLING
OVER MY WORDS, AND THAT IS COMEDY DEATH.
IF YOU STUTTER ON A WORD OR ON A DELIVERY,
IT'S JUST NOT FUNNY, AND THERE'S NO SAVING IT.
YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST STOP.
PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE FOR ME TO SIGN THE CALENDAR,
AND I'M MISS DECEMBER IN THE CALENDAR,
AND NOBODY'S HERE.
STORY OF MY LIFE.
- I LOOK JUST LIKE GEORGE CLOONEY
IN PERFECT STORM.
- [laughs] - EXACTLY.
- NO AUTOGRAPHS, PLEASE.
WE HAVE A COUPLE HOURS BEFORE THE SHOW.
THEY TOLD ME LISETTE AND I WERE GONNA
GO OYSTER SHUCKING TODAY,
AND I PICTURED THE BAR WITH BLOODY MARYS
AND CHAMPAGNE AND LITTLE BELLINIS.
I DIDN'T KNOW WE WERE GOING INTO THE OCEAN.
ALL RIGHT, WHERE'S THE PATIENT?
- YOU'VE GOT A HINGE... - MM-HMM.
- AND YOU'VE GOT A LIP.
YOU GET YOUR KNIFE IN THERE
ABOUT AN 1/8 OF AN INCH.
- ALL THE OYSTER BARS I'VE EVER EATEN IN,
I'VE NEVER SEEN THE SHUCKER.
I'M JUST USUALLY BOMBED BY THE TIME
IT GETS TO THE TABLE. - EXACTLY.
- THERE YOU GO.
OOH, THAT'S A NICE SHUCK RIGHT THERE.
- OKAY. HERE WE GO.
- AH, IT'S SO GOOD! I WANT ANOTHER ONE.
- CHEERS TO THE SHOW TONIGHT.
WOW.
- THEY DID A GREAT JOB.
MAYBE AFTER ANOTHER THOUSAND OYSTERS,
THEY'LL BE REALLY, REALLY GOOD.
- I COULD DO THIS ALL DAY. - YEAH.
I'M NOT LEAVING.
WHEN THEY YELL "CUT," I'M STILL GONNA BE HERE.
- IT'S SHOW NIGHT IN KINGSTON.
- THAT'S RIGHT. THE AUDIENCE IS FILING IN.
THE PERFORMERS ARE BACKSTAGE, READY TO GO,
AND WE'RE ABOUT TO PUT ON A SHOW.
- PICK UP YOUR THING. HEY, TURN IT AROUND.
- MA, WOULD YOU BE QUIET?
I'M GONNA MOVE.
- I LOVE THE IDEA THAT THE TOWN VOTES.
IT'S NOT AMERICA VOTING,
IT'S NOT PEOPLE TEXTING ANYTHING.
I THINK IT'S GREAT.
I THINK THAT'S HOW IT SHOULD BE.
LET THE PEOPLE DECIDE. [laughing]
- ROCK AND ROLL.
ONE IN FOUR CHANCE OF WINNING $10,000
IS DEFINITELY GETTING MORE REAL.
YEAH, IT'S PRETTY TENSE.
- THE FLASK IS LEAKING RIGHT NOW.
I'VE THROWN IT A COUPLE TOO MANY TIMES.
I'M FEELING NERVOUS, BUT I'M ALSO FEELING PRETTY CONFIDENT
BECAUSE YOU KNOW, MY ACT IS SOMETHING
THAT I HAVE BEEN DOING FOR A REALLY LONG TIME.
I CAN EVEN DO IT REALLY DRUNK.
- THEY ALREADY DID A PRE-THING, AND I ALREADY WON.
SO YOU GUYS-- THEY SAID TO GO HOME.
[all laugh] THEY DID.
- KINGSTON, RHODE ISLAND!
WHAT!
[cheers and applause]
- WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
- I'M ALEC MAPA.
- AND I'M LISETTE BUSTAMANTE.
- AND NOW IT'S YOUR TURN TO WORK.
YOU GUYS GET TO PICK THE WINNER OF TONIGHT'S TALENT CONTEST.
[cheers and applause]
NOW THIS IS A LOCAL SHOW,
SO WHAT WE'VE DONE IS WE'VE HIRED A LOCAL MC.
SO WILL YOU PLEASE WELCOME TO THE STAGE
MR. CALVIN CAMPANY!
[cheers and applause]
- SO THANK YOU FOR COMING OUT TONIGHT.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW.
KINGSTON, YOU KNOW, OVER THE YEARS,
HAS BEEN DESCRIBED AS MILAN OR VENICE OR PARIS,
BUT TONIGHT, WE GET TO BE A LITTLE BIT HOLLYWOOD,
AND THAT'S KIND OF EXCITING.
SO GIVE IT UP FOR HOLLYWOOD.
[cheers and applause]
- THE WHOLE PROCESS
IS LIKE A REALLY LONG, SLOW,
DRAWN-OUT, ROLLER COASTER RIDE.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- ARE YOU READY? - YEAH, I AM.
- READY? - I'M READY.
- TONIGHT, OUR FIRST ONE IS CHARLIE COCKPIT.
[cheers and applause]
- GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING.
WELCOME ABOARD.
THE IN-FLIGHT ENTERTAINMENT THIS EVENING WILL BE
A SONG I WROTE CALLED KREM BOP,
A FINGER-SNAPPING MEMORABLE SONG ABOUT A UFO ENCOUNTER.
WHAT'S THAT?
OKAY, IF YOUR SEAT BACKS ARE UP IN THE UPRIGHT POSITION,
AND EVERYTHING IS STOWED IN FRONT OF YOU,
IT LOOKS LIKE WE'RE ABOUT TO TAKE OFF.
[playing Krem Bop - The UFO Song]
♪ ♪
♪ DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD ♪
♪ MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS ♪
♪ WHEN I SEE A UFO ♪
♪ SLAM RIGHT INTO A TREE ♪ [crash]
♪ SCARED THE PANTS OFF OF ME ♪
♪ THERE WAS SO MUCH DEBRIS ♪
♪ AND THE NEXT THING I SEE ♪
♪ IS A LITTLE GREEN MAN IN FRONT OF ME ♪
♪ AND HE SAYS, KREM BOP ♪
♪ A DOODLEY, KREM BOP A DOODLEY ♪
♪ I SAY, HEE-BOP-A-DOODLEY ♪
♪ HE SAYS, KREM BOP-A-DOODLEY ♪
♪ HEEBOP-A-BOOPLY MEE-MOP-A-MOOPELY ♪
♪ KREM BOP! ♪ - ♪ KREM BOP ♪
- ♪ A-DOODLEY-JANG ♪
OH, LOOKS LIKE WE JUST GOT CLEARANCE TO LAND,
LADIES AND GENTLEMAN. [chuckles]
I HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOUR FLIGHT. I KNOW I DID.
COME FLY WITH CHARLIE COCKPIT AGAIN SOMETIME.
THIS IS CHARLIE COCKPIT, SIGNING OFF.
[cheers and applause]
I THINK I DID REALLY WELL,
AND THE AUDIENCE REALLY LIKED CHARLIE,
AND THEY ALWAYS DO,
SO YOU KNOW, I HAVE THAT IN MY FAVOR.
- CONNOR'S PUKING IN THE BATHROOM.
THIS IS GREAT. THIS IS GREAT.
- SHE ALWAYS DOES IT BEFORE A SHOW.
- OH, SHE ALWAYS-- TWO--
- HEY, DON'T START ANY RUMORS ABOUT ME.
I HAVE MY FINGERS CROSSED THAT WE'RE GONNA WIN.
I DEFINITELY HAVE BUTTERFLIES IN MY STOMACH RIGHT NOW.
- DEFINITELY ANXIOUS.
- COMING UP NEXT, WE HAVE A SONGWRITING DUO.
THEY'RE BEST FRIENDS. THEY'RE CUTE AS BUTTONS.
HERE IS CONNOR AND HANNAH.
[cheers and applause]
- ♪ I LIKE TO SHUT MY EYES ♪
♪ TAKE A LOOK INSIDE ♪
♪ THIS LIFE OF MINE ♪
♪ BUT STILL I FEEL SO BLIND ♪
♪ I CAN'T GET A GRIP ♪
♪ CAN'T GET A HOLD ON THIS LIFE ♪
♪ ♪
♪ BUT I WON'T LET YOU DOWN ♪
♪ MY LOVE ♪
♪ YOUR LOVE IS ALL I NEED ♪
♪ PLEASE BELIEVE ♪
♪ I WON'T LET YOU DOWN ♪
♪ YOUR LOVE, MY LOVE ♪
♪ IS ALL I NEED ♪
♪ AND I WON'T LET YOU DOWN ♪
COME ON. ♪ MY LOVE ♪
[audience clapping] ♪ YOUR LOVE IS MY RELEASE ♪
COME ON, COME ON.
♪ PLEASE BELIEVE, I WON'T LET YOU DOWN ♪
♪ MY LOVE, YOUR LOVE IS MY RELEASE ♪
♪ YOUR LOVE IS ALL I NEED ♪
THANK YOU SO MUCH. THANK YOU.
[cheers and applause]
- I THINK WE KILLED IT. - YEAH, I THINK WE KILLED IT.
I MEAN, WE WENT OUT THERE AND JUST--
- DID OUR THING. - YEAH, WE WERE--
- THE AUDIENCE WAS DEFINITELY INVOLVED WITH US,
EVERYONE GETTING OUT OF THEIR SEATS,
CLAPPING THEIR HANDS, DEFINITELY WAS A GOOD TIME.
- I'M ABOUT TO GO ON, I'M KIND OF FREAKING OUT,
AND MY FACE JUST STARTED TO PEEL, AND--
AS WHAT ALWAYS HAPPENS WHEN I'M STRESSED OUT,
SO HOPEFULLY, YOU'RE NOT GETTING TOO CLOSE.
[laughs] BUT I'M REALLY NERVOUS.
[sighs] [applause]
- JUST VISUALIZE, IF YOU CAN,
THE LOVE CHILD OF MARILYN MONROE AND PEE-WEE HERMAN.
SHE IS NIKI LUPARELLI.
HERE SHE COMES.
[cheers and applause]
- ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, WHERE AM I GONNA PUT THIS?
HEY, DO YOU GUYS KNOW THAT I DO MAGIC TOO?
IS THIS YOUR CARD? OR THIS ONE?
IS THIS YOUR BOOBIE-SHAPED, 98.6-DEGREE CARD?
[laughter] NO?
IS THIS YOUR BIRD?
I HATE THAT BIRD.
GET IN THERE, UGH.
ALL RIGHT, THIS SONG I'M GONNA DO IS FROM THE 1920s.
♪ TAKE ON ME ♪
[under breath] ♪ TAKE ON ME ♪
♪ TAKE ME ON ♪
[under breath] ♪ TAKE ON ME ♪
♪ I'LL BE GONE ♪
♪ L-M-N-O-P ♪
AND NOW A QUICK SOLO.
[plays kazoo]
THIS ONE'S NOT REALLY THAT LOUD.
I BROUGHT AN AMP THOUGH. HOLD ON.
[playing A-ha's Take On Me]
♪ ♪
WAIT, STILL NOT LOUD ENOUGH.
STILL NOT LOUD ENOUGH.
ONE MORE.
TA-DA!
THANK YOU. I'M NIKI LUPARELLI.
VOTE FOR ME. [cheers and applause]
I THINK I DID REALLY WELL.
I THINK THEY SEEMED TO LIKE IT.
I SAW A FEW SHOCKED FACES,
AND IT'S REMINISCENT OF MY TIME SPENT IN KINGSTON.
"THE HELL IS THAT GIRL DOING?"
"ERMAHGERD!"
"I DON'T KNOW IF I LIKE THIS."
- I JUST WANT TO DO EVERYTHING RIGHT,
BUT I'M JUST GONNA LET THE MUSIC GUIDE ME,
AND MR. HYDE IS READY TO COME OUT, ABSOLUTELY.
WE'RE GONNA REALLY ROCK IT.
- HE IS A DENTAL HYGIENIST BY DAY,
BUT HE'S JERRY LEE LEWIS BY NIGHT.
HERE IS ELLIOT RICCI.
[cheers and applause]
- ALL RIGHT.
LET'S DO IT.
[playing energetic music]
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ WELL, I'VE BEEN DOWN EVERY ROAD ♪
♪ EVERY CORNER OF THE WORLD ♪
♪ LOOKING FOR AN ANSWER OR A RIDDLE TO UNFOLD ♪
♪ IT'S GOT A WALKING, TALKING FACE ♪
♪ AND IT JUMPS ALL OVER THE PLACE ♪
♪ THEN SHE STARTED DANCING ♪
♪ AND PUTS A SMILE UPON YOUR FACE ♪
♪ WELL, IS IT COUNTRY? ♪
♪ IS IT ROCK AND ROLL? ♪
♪ ROCKABILLY? ♪
♪ OR IT IS SOUL? ♪
WHOA!
♪ IS IT LOW-DOWN RHYTHM AND BLUES? ♪
♪ CAN YOU CALL IT SWING? ♪
♪ I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU CALL IT ♪
♪ I CALL IT BOOGIE-WOOGIE A LA KING ♪
LET'S GO, YEAH!
♪ ♪
♪ A LITTLE BOOGIE TONIGHT ♪
♪ A LITTLE BOOGIE TONIGHT ♪
♪ A LITTLE BOOGIE TONIGHT ♪
♪ LITTLE BOOGIE TONIGHT ♪
YEAH!
♪ THEN YOU START TO SING ♪
♪ PUT A QUARTER IN THE JUKEBOX ♪
♪ AND YOU CAN BOOGIE-WOOGIE A LA KING ♪
I'LL GIVE YOU THE REST OF ME, BABY!
[keyboard flourish]
[cheers and applause]
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU.
WHAT A TREMENDOUS FEELING.
THE ADRENALINE JUST TOOK OVER,
AND I JUST LET THAT MR. HYDE OUT OF THE BOX THERE,
AND I JUST GAVE IT ALL I HAD, AND--
[cheers and applause]
- OKAY, YOU GUYS GET TO PICK
THE WINNER OF TONIGHT'S TALENT CONTEST.
WE ARE GONNA PASS OUT BALLOTS.
VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE.
- AND HERE WE ARE, ALL WAITING, WAITING.
- REGARDLESS OF WHAT HAPPENS,
I'M JUST REALLY HAPPY THAT I'VE BEEN ABLE TO DO THIS
AND THAT I DIDN'T GET KICKED OUT
THE FIRST DAY WITH THE LITTLE SHEEP GUY.
- EVERYBODY WANTS TO WIN,
BUT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA WIN?
IT'S ALWAYS UP IN THE AIR. YOU NEVER KNOW.
- MY NAME IS LINDA MARINI.
I AM A BOOKKEEPER IN RHODE ISLAND AND A NOTARY.
TONIGHT, I HAVE THE HONOR
OF NOTARIZING THE WINNER OF TONIGHT'S TALENT CONTEST.
- UGH.
- HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR THING?
HOW DID IT GO? - GREAT.
YEAH, I FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT. - GOOD. GOOD FOR YOU.
- I HAD A LOT OF FUN.
- CONGRATULATIONS, EVERYBODY, AND--
- YEAH, SERIOUSLY. - BEST OF LUCK.
- I THINK THERE WAS A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF TALENT.
WE ARE VERY LUCKY HERE IN RHODE ISLAND
FOR SUCH A SMALL LITTLE STATE TO HAVE SO MUCH TALENT.
- I REALLY LIKED CHARLIE COCKPIT.
THAT PLANE RIDE WAS ONE I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER.
YEAH.
- I LOVED MARILYN MONROE
AND THE HULA-HOOP AND THE UKULELE AND THE...
BREAST IMPLANTS. [laughs]
[audience chanting] HANNAH, CONNOR, HANNAH, CONNOR.
- [laughs]
[audience chanting] HANNAH, CONNOR.
- HEAR THAT?
[audience chanting] ELLIOT, ELLIOT, ELLIOT.
[cheers and applause]
- ALL RIGHT.
WE'RE GONNA ANNOUNCE THE WINNER,
BUT BEFORE WE DO, WILL YOU PLEASE WELCOME BACK
TO THE STAGE, ALL OF TONIGHT'S CONTESTANTS.
[cheers and applause]
- OKAY, IT IS TIME TO ANNOUNCE THE WINNER.
AH, YOU GUYS HAVE VOTED
FOR YOUR FAVORITE PERFORMER OF THE NIGHT,
AND THE WINNER IS...
HANNAH AND CONNOR!
[cheers and applause]
- WE WON! - WE WON $10,000.
[cheers and applause]
- I'M HAPPY THAT THEY WON.
SEE, NOW I CAN START PREPARING
FOR MY CHARLIE COCKPIT COCKTAIL VARIETY HOUR.
- WE HAVE THE BEST FRIENDS AND FAMILY FOR COMING OUT
AND SHOWING THEIR LOVE TO US.
- I WOULD NEVER REPLACE THEM.
- YEAH, THIS FEELS AWESOME.
- WHAT A SHOW, HEY?
- WHAT AN AUDIENCE. THEY WERE SO ROWDY HERE.
I HAD NO IDEA.
- RHODE ISLAND KNOWS HOW TO GET DOWN.
[cheers and applause]
- WINNING THIS MEANS A WHOLE NEW ROAD.
- IT'S JUST THE BEGINNING.
- THIS IS-- THE ROAD IS PAVED,
AND WE JUST-- WE'VE TAKEN OUR STEP ON IT,
AND WE'RE READY TO GO FROM HERE.