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[mysterious music]
We're here in Columbia, South Carolina,
in search of the Lizard Man.
Oh, I see someone over there we can ask.
Come on, y'all.
[snoring]
Hey...hey, Santa.
Ho-ho, ho-ho-ho!
Wait a minute; I'm on vacation.
What can I do for you, young lady?
We're in search of the Lizard Man. Have you seen him?
No, young lady, I haven't.
But I believe if you go down
and see those Carolina fans down there,
I hear their coach has been in The Swamp a lot.
Oh, good idea, Santa! Thanks!
Irritating pollster, good or bad?
Bad.
One bag of coal.
Woke me while I was tryin' to take a nap.
[whistling "Jingle Bells"]
[snoring]
Excuse me, I'm in search of the Lizard Man.
Have you ever heard of him?
The Lizard Man?
I know nothing about the Lizard Man.
I've never heard of the Lizard Man.
Hey, what were y'all just talking about?
(both) The Lizard Man.
Oh, what was the deal?
Somebody looking for him, or what?
We don't know.
I guess.
Well, they might want to go downtown and look for him.
Somebody down there should know.
Hey, I heard you were looking
for information on the Lizard Man.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I work at CompuScripts Captioning,
and our staff has worked on a variety of genres,
and you might find some information there.
Okay, cool. Thank you.
Well, to get there, you're gonna take this road, which is Huger,
and you're gonna go across Gervais.
We're right behind the Governor's Mansion on Gadsden.
Okay, cool. Thank you so much!
[knocking] rap, rap, rap
Hello.
Hi, I'm in search of the Lizard Man.
Have you seen him?
Now, when you say "Lizard Man," are you talking
about the man suffering from herpetransmogrification?
Um...I guess so.
Well, come on in; we'll ask around.
Okay.
[knocking] tap, tap, tap
Hey, Kim, do you know anything about the Lizard Man?
Lizard Man... Lizard Man.
Well, he definitely wasn't
in that après-ski scene in the Swiss Alps
or eating currywurst in Berlin
in that travel series that we captioned.
Let me think about that.
Hey, Bruce, do you know anything about the Lizard Man?
LZRD ["lizard"], man?
[impatiently] Look, we do AVI,
we do MOV, we do WMV,
we do MPEG-1, we do MPEG-2,
we do DivX, we do almost anything,
but we don't do LZRD...man!
Hey, Caroll Anne, I have someone here who wants to know
if you've seen the Lizard Man.
You know, in all the media that has run through this lab,
I don't recall seeing the Lizard Man.
Hey, Stacey?
Yes?
Have you seen the Lizard Man?
He might have been in this film
we captioned a few years ago with zombie marionettes,
or maybe he was in the short we did with dancing Twinkies.
Would you like me to search our database?
Have you thought of anything else?
Well, he didn't star with Gene Autry
in that Singing Cowboy film series that we captioned.
And I know I've never seen the Lizard Man
doing the downward dog
in any of those yoga series that we worked on.
But that would be interesting!
(reporter) Research reveals that the Lizard Man
may just be a hoax.
Still, the CompuScripts Captioning folks
can neither confirm nor deny the existence
of a 7-foot monster with green skin and three toes
seen near Scape Ore Swamp.
You just never know.
[mysterious music]
[footfalls sloshing]
[footfalls sloshing]