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- OH, GOD.
IF MARISA HAD A SUPERPOWER, IT WOULD BE TAKING SELFIES.
- I CAN HEAR YOU GUYS. - [laughs]
- WHAT THE [bleep] IS SHE DOING?
- TAKING SELFIES, LIKE SHE ALWAYS DOES.
- ARE YOU KIDDING? - OH, YEAH.
- [gasps] I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE A GOOD SELFIE.
TEACH ME ME HOW TO DO THAT. - OH, MY GOD.
- WE'VE LOST THIS. - SERIOUSLY.
- OKAY, SO-- - WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
THERE'S GOT TO BE, LIKE, A TRICK TO IT.
WHY ARE YOU DOING IT STRAIGHT AND NOT THIS WAY?
- WELL, BECAUSE THEN YOU CAN GET MORE OF YOUR BODY IN.
- OKAY. - AND THEN HOLD IT.
HOLD YOUR ARM, LIKE, UNCOMFORTABLY LONG.
- WAIT, UNCOMFORTABLY LONG?
- YEAH, THIS ISN'T UNCOMFORTABLE.
SEE THIS? LONGER. RIGHT.
- OOH. - YEAH.
SEE HOW IT MAKES YOU LOOK SLIMMER?
- [gasps] THAT WAS A GOOD ONE.
- THAT WAS A GOOD ONE?
OOH. - IT'S GOOD, RIGHT?
VERY KHLOE KARDASHIAN. I LIKE THAT.
LOVE--EVERYONE WANTS IT, BUT NOT EVERYONE FINDS IT.
THAT'S MY JOB.
MEET MY MILLIONAIRES!
WITH A LITTLE TOUGH LOVE...
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
A LOT OF PATIENCE...
YAWN.
AND AN EYE FOR THE RIGHT CHEMISTRY...
I MAKE THE PERFECT MATCH.
- MY FANTASY TEAM IS ON FIRE.
WINNING AGAIN, WINNING, WINNING, WINNING.
- YOUR FANTASY TEAM? - OKAY, WHAT'S YOUR TEAM NAME?
- SLUMPBUSTERS.
- DO YOU KNOW WHAT A SLUMPBUSTER IS?
- I DO-- THAT'S WHEN YOU'RE IN A SLUMP,
YOU HAVE SEX WITH A FAT GIRL AND GET OUT OF THE SLUMP.
ENOUGH ABOUT MY SLUMPBUSTERS.
LET'S TALK ABOUT A REAL TEAM-- MIAMI DOLPHINS.
OUR MILLIONAIRE PLAYED TWO YEARS FOR THEM.
- OOH. - OOH.
- JEFF OGDEN.
- HOW LONG AGO DID HE QUIT THE NFL?
- 2002 WAS HIS LAST YEAR, I BELIEVE.
- OKAY. I LOVE THE NFL.
WHENEVER I GET AN NFL PLAYER, I AM ALL EXCITED THAT WEEK.
IT'S MY LITTLE STOMPING GROUND, YOU KNOW?
I MIGHT NOT KNOW MY SPORTS, BUT I KNOW MY NFL.
AND WHAT DO YOU GOT?
- HIS NAME'S IAN BERNARDO. - OKAY.
- HE'S 32, AND HE'S FROM NEW YORK.
AND HE'S A TRUST FUND BABY.
- OH. - SAY NO MORE.
THIS SOUNDS LIKE A MESS.
I LIKE TO SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST.
SO LET'S SEE THE HOT MESS TO GET HIM OUT OF THE WAY.
- LET'S START WITH IAN THEN.
- IAN BERNARDO. 33 YEARS OLD.
- AHH. - AY-YI--
- I'M A TRUST FUND BABY, AND I'M ALSO AN ART DEALER,
AND I HAVE--MY PARENTS HAVE A NET WORTH OF $80 MILLION.
- OH, HE'S SO OBNOXIOUS. - GOD.
- MY PARENTS ARE EXTREMELY INTELLIGENT,
AND THEY ENDED UP HAVING A LOT OF REAL ESTATE,
AND I LUCKILY CAME OUT OF THE RIGHT UTERUS.
IT'S DIFFICULT FOR ME TO BE
AROUND A LOT OF OTHER GAY MEN BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE
THEY'RE VERY JUDGMENTAL.
AND I'M RIGHT-- THEY ARE.
I HAVE A VERY ECCENTRIC PERSONALITY,
SO I ALWAYS THINK THAT PEOPLE ARE HAVING A TOUGH TIME WITH ME.
BUT THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS,
IT'S JUST I'M UNIQUE, AND OTHER PEOPLE CAN'T HANDLE THAT
BECAUSE WE LIVE IN SUCH A BORING WORLD.
- HE'S A RIOT.
- MY CELEBRITY CRUSH IS GEORGE MICHAEL.
HE WAS AN AMAZING, AMAZING, TALENT,
AND I WOULD LOVE TO WHAM!
- HE'S NOT CUTE ENOUGH FOR GEORGE MICHAEL.
GEORGE MICHAEL SHOULD HAVE A HOT GUY.
- I DON'T KNOW. GEORGE MICHAEL NOW--
- PATTI, I KNOW I'M A BASKET CASE.
I'M AWARE OF THAT.
PEOPLE HAVE TOLD ME MY WHOLE FREAKIN' LIFE.
BUT I'M SURE YOU CAN DEAL WITH ME
BECAUSE I'M PAYING YOU ENOUGH.
- THE ONE THING ABOUT IAN--
HE IS TOTALLY, TOTALLY OBNOXIOUS
AND INSECURE.
I'M HOPING THAT EVEN IAN BERNARDO, COULD, YOU KNOW,
IF HE PUTS IN THE WORK, GET A RELATIONSHIP.
AND WHEN I BASICALLY KICK HIS *** INTO GEAR,
THERE'S GONNA BE HOPE FOR HIM.
- READY FOR JEFF OGDEN? - YEAH, I WANNA SEE JEFF OGDEN.
BRING ME MY LITTLE DOLPHIN PLAYER.
- COMING IN HOT.
- MY NAME IS JEFF OGDEN.
I'M 38 YEARS OLD.
[all gasp]
- I KNEW IT. - HE'S HOT!
- I LIVE IN AUSTIN, TEXAS, AND I OWN A FITNESS CLUB.
- HAS HE BEEN MARRIED? - TWICE, ACTUALLY.
BUT ONE WAS JUST FOR A DAY.
- WE'LL HEAR HIS STORY WHEN I TALK TO HIM.
- MY NET WORTH IS AROUND $1 1/2 MILLION.
I WAS AN UNDRAFTED FREE AGENT WITH THE DALLAS COWBOYS,
ENDED UP MAKING THAT TEAM, PLAYED THERE FOR TWO YEARS,
WENT ON TO MIAMI FOR TWO YEARS,
ONE YEAR WITH BALTIMORE.
- HOW TALL IS HE? - 6'2".
- OH, OH, OH.
- I PREFER WOMEN WHO ARE WELL MAINTAINED, WELL GROOMED.
NOT A WHOLE LOT OF...
EXTRA HAIR ANYWHERE. [chuckles]
- [gasps] - OH, MY GOD!
- I JUST GOT WAXED YESTERDAY. I GOT NO HAIR DOWN THERE.
- WHY IS HE TALKING ABOUT VAJAYS?
- CLOSE THE JAW. - PATTI...
ONE THING THAT'S ELUDED ME FOR THE PAST 38 YEARS
IS, UH, THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.
I'M BEGGING YOU FOR YOUR HELP. - OKAY, SO...
WHERE AM I GOING FIRST?
- WELL, IAN'S ALREADY HERE TO MEET YOU.
- YEP. - OKAY.
I'M ABOUT TO MEET TRUST FUND OBNOXIOUS BABY
IAN BERNARDO.
AFTER SEEING HIS VIDEO, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO THINK.
I DON'T KNOW IF IAN'S REALLY A SPOILED ROTTEN BRAT,
LIKE THE DVD SHOWED, OR IS THAT A DEFENSE MECHANISM?
- SO CAN I GET A HUG?
I JUST WANT TO GIVE A HUG BEFORE--
- OKAY, I DON'T KNOW YOU WELL ENOUGH TO HUG YOU YET.
LET'S FIRST FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE.
- WHAT THE HELL IS-- - OKAY.
- TA-DA. MY NAME IS IAN BERNARDO.
I'M BORN AND RAISED IN NEW YORK.
MY PARENTS ARE REALLY, REALLY RICH.
I HAVE AN INCOMING NET WORTH WHEN I KILL THEM OFF
OF $80 MILLION. [laughs]
I'M A TRUST FUND BABY, SO SUE ME.
DON'T.
TWO WORDS TO DESCRIBE ME--
INTELLIGENT.
I'VE HAD THIS SINCE 1842.
I ALSO LOVE TO TRAVEL
BECAUSE I LIVED IN COLOMBIA FOR MANY YEARS.
I LIVED IN ISRAEL FOR TEN YEARS.
I DON'T LIKE VERY MASCULINE MEN.
I LIKE FEMININE MEN 'CAUSE I DON'T LIKE BODY HAIR.
AND FOR SOME REASON, GAY PEOPLE SEEM TO THINK
THAT BODY HAIR EQUALS MASCULINE,
EVEN THOUGH THAT'S NOT TRUE.
IT JUST MEANS YOU'RE DIRTY AND GROSS.
ONE THING I MUST HAVE IN A MAN IS ME.
I'M SOMEONE THAT WANTS TO PROVE
THAT I AM CAPABLE OF DOING SOMETHING IN MY LIFE,
AND THAT'S POSSIBLY FINDING LOVE.
THAT'S SO CLICHE, I KNOW.
I WASN'T EXPECTING TO WALK IN HERE AND YOU BE SO MEAN.
- OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, WHY ARE YOU WEARING SWEATS
TO COME TO MY OFFICE LIKE THIS?
- BECAUSE THIS IS HOW I DRESS, LIKE--
- IF YOU WANT TO COME TO ME TO FIX YOU UP,
I WOULD EXPECT YOU TO BE YOUR SUNDAY'S BEST,
AND YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR SUNDAY'S BEST ON.
- HONEY, IT'S TUESDAY.
- IAN IS, YES, OBNOXIOUS, BUT HE'S NOT A STUPID GUY.
HE'S A TRUST FUND BABY. HE'S FROM NEW YORK CITY.
HE KNOWS THAT IF HE WANTS TRUE LOVE,
HE'S GONNA SEE ME IN L.A.
BECAUSE BASICALLY, EVERYBODY KNOWS HIM IN NEW YORK,
NOBODY WANTS TO DATE HIM, AND HE NEEDS
A NEW POND TO STEP INTO.
WHEN DID YOU COME OUT?
- I CAME OUT WHEN I CAME OUT OF MY MOTHER'S STOMACH.
I DIDN'T EVEN COME OUT OF HER ***.
I DON'T EVEN LIKE ***. I WAS A C-SECTION.
- OKAY, WHO WAS THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE TO DATE?
SINCE YOU'RE 33, YOU MUST HAVE HAD ONE GUY--
- NO, I NEVER REALLY HAD A LOVE--A PERSON--
I DID LOVE SOMEONE,
BUT I WAS IN THE ISRAELI ARMY AT THE TIME.
AND I ENDED UP LATCHING ON TO THE FIRST PERSON.
- IS THERE ANYONE SINCE THEN? - YEAH, I DATED A POLE DANCER.
THIS WAS IN COLOMBIA. I LIVE IN SOUTH AMERICA A LOT.
- YOU'RE GOING ALL OVER THE WORLD.
YOU'RE IN SEARCH OF YOUR GEORGE MICHAEL. I READ--
YOU KNOW, I WATCHED THE DVD. - I LOVE GEORGE MICHAEL.
- YOU WERE VERY OBSESSED WITH GEORGE MICHAEL.
OLDER OR YOUNGER GEORGE MICHAEL?
- YOUNGER! - YOU'RE 30--SO YOU WANT SOMEONE
IN THEIR 20s. - YEAH.
- WELL, THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN TODAY.
WE'RE GONNA GET YOU OLDER GUYS AS WELL AS YOUNGER GUYS.
YOU'RE NOT GETTING JUST ONE AGE.
- OH, HONEY, YOU CAN GET ME OLDER GUYS.
I'M JUST NOT GONNA CHOOSE THEM. - SHUT THE [bleep] UP, OKAY?
- THAT'S WHAT I LIKE. - ALL RIGHT?
SO NOW, DO YOU THINK SPOILED HAS BLOCKED YOU FROM TRUE LOVE?
- LISTEN, LET ME EXPLAIN HOW I SPELL LOVE.
- L-U-B-E.
- I DO RELATIONSHIPS. - OKAY, SO I WANT TO TRY IT.
- I FIX YOU UP WITH RELATIONSHIPS.
- AND I'M TELLING YOU-- - I DO NOT DO FUN.
ONE OF THE THINGS THAT IAN'S DOING
IS PUTTING UP WALLS TO PROTECT HIMSELF FROM HURT.
SO WHAT I NEED TO DO IS BREAK DOWN
HIS DEFENSE MECHANISM AND REALLY
RELEASE THE TRUST FUND BABY THING THAT HE'S BEEN FALLING ON.
IAN IS A BIG ENOUGH BOY
THAT IF HE'S NOT WILLING TO TAKE DOWN HIS WALLS,
I CAN'T HELP HIM.
- I BELIEVE IN LOVE. LET ME TELL YOU WHY.
- OKAY, THEN TELL ME WHY YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE.
- I BELIEVE IN LOVE BECAUSE I SEE MY PARENTS IN LOVE,
AND I BELIEVE IT'S POSSIBLE.
AND I THINK AND I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU
THAT YOU CAN POSSIBLY FIX SOMEBODY LIKE ME.
- OKAY, GOOD, NAME A COUPLE OTHER THAN YOUR PARENTS
THAT YOU WANT TO BE LIKE.
- BERNIE MADOFF AND RUTH MADOFF,
AND I'LL TELL YOU WHY. - OH, MY GOD.
- I KNOW RUTH MADOFF. NO, CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING?
SHE'S THE NICEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD.
- LIKE, AND YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME SHE DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT HER HUSBAND WAS DOING. - SHE DIDN'T KNOW.
SHE DIDN'T KNOW. I KNOW HER.
- YOUR ROLE MODELS ARE ALL [bleep] UP.
YOU HAVE A HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT.
WHAT I NEED YOU TO GIVE ME
IS A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.
AND TELL ME WHY YOU WANT TO BE IN THAT RELATIONSHIP.
YOU'RE ON AN ISLAND RIGHT NOW, AND NO ONE IS SWIMMING TO YOU.
- STATEN ISLAND?
- NO, IT'S PROBABLY STATEN ISLAND--THAT'S HOW BAD IT IS.
- OH, MY GOD. THEN I'LL JUST KILL MYSELF.
- AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE, NOBODY WANTS TO VISIT YOU
BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO MUCH TO HANDLE.
WHY LOVE NOW? WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO COME TO ME NOW?
- I'M JUST REALLY AT A POINT IN MY LIFE
WHERE I WANT SOMEONE LIKE YOU.
AND I KNOW THAT SOUNDS WEIRD 'CAUSE I'M GAY,
BUT I'M ACTUALLY VERY ATTRACTED TO YOU.
- I GET ATTRACTED TO WOMEN ALL THE TIME.
- I LIKE FEMININE MEN. - OKAY.
- I LIKE NAIVE, I LIKE PEOPLE I CAN EASILY MANIPULATE.
- WHY?
ARE YOU AFRAID THEY WON'T LOVE YOU IF YOU DON'T HAVE MONEY?
- BUT I DO HAVE MONEY. - IF YOU JUST TONED IT
10%, 20% BACK, YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY GET SOMEONE
WHO LOVES YOU FOR YOU.
I THINK YOU'RE AFRAID
THAT NOBODY COULD LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU DON'T LOVE YOURSELF.
- THAT WAS PROFOUND.
- SO IF I'M GONNA GIVE YOU A MIXER TOMORROW,
ARE YOU GOING TO PROMISE ME 100%
YOU ARE GOING TO FOLLOW MY RULES?
- IF YOU PROMISE ME 100% YOU GET GOOD-LOOKING GUYS.
- I'M GONNA GET GOOD-LOOKING GUYS.
CAN YOU KEEP MY RULE? NO SEX BEFORE MONOGAMY?
CAN YOU DO THAT? - ABSOLUTELY.
- THE SECOND THING IS CAN YOU KEEP DRINKING DOWN?
WE HAVE A TWO-DRINK MAXIMUM MIXER.
- HERE'S THE DEAL WITH THAT.
CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT THAT?
I DON'T DRINK ALCOHOL,
SO YOU CAN GIVE HIM FOUR DRINKS.
- THANK YOU, GOD. IAN DOES NOT DRINK.
IF HE DRANK, HE'D BE
CRAY-CRAY-CRAY GAY-GAY-GAY.
I DON'T THINK I COULD'VE WRANGLED HIM.
SO WE'RE GONNA BRING IN AN EXPERT FOR YOU.
HE'S GONNA ASSESS YOU AND GIVE YOU
WHAT TO DO AND WHAT NOT TO DO.
- I FEEL LIKE THERE'S NOBODY THAT'S BETTER
AT WHAT YOU DO THAN YOU. - OKAY. DAVID!
- AND I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER THAT.
PATTI AND I DISCUSSED
ALL THE THINGS I NEED TO DO.
I DISAGREE WITH ALL OF THEM, BUT I'M WILLING
TO GIVE THEM A SHOT.
- OKAY, DAVID, WILL YOU DO ME A FAVOR?
ROLL HIM HOME. OKAY?
I HAVE WORK TO DO. - OKAY. BYE, PATTI.
- I HAVE WORK TO DO. BYE.
- NICE ***. - THANK YOU.
COMING UP...
- IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER,
AND YOU HAVE TO OWN THE GOOD THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF.
- OH, I AGREE WITH YOU.
I OWN ALL OF THE GOOD THINGS ABOUT ME,
BECAUSE I BOUGHT THEM.
- YOU WERE A CHEERLEADER.
OKAY, GIVE US YOUR BEST CHEER. WHOO!
- I'M ON MY WAY TO MEET FORMER NFL PLAYER
HOTTIE PATOTTIE JEFF OGDEN, AND I CANNOT UNDERSTAND
WHY A GUY LIKE HIM CAN'T FIND LOVE.
SO I'M GONNA GET UNDER THE HOOD OF THE CAR
AND FIND OUT WHAT THE SITUATION IS.
HI. - HEY.
- HOW ARE YOU? - WONDERFUL. HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. HOW'S IT GOING?
- GOOD TO MEET YOU.
THERE WE GO.
MY NAME IS JEFF OGDEN.
I PLAYED IN THE NFL FOR FIVE YEARS.
RIGHT NOW I OWN A FITNESS CLUB
AND RUN A FITNESS COMPANY IN AUSTIN, TEXAS.
I'M WORTH ABOUT $1 1/2 MILLION.
THAT LOOKS GOOD, GUYS. THAT LOOKS GOOD.
MY CELEBRITY CRUSH WOULD HAVE TO BE JESSICA BIEL.
SHE'S GOT A BEAUTIFUL BODY.
AND IT'S NOT YOUR, YOU KNOW, STICK-FIGURE-TYPE BODY.
I THINK A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE CURVES.
A WOMAN SHOULD LOOK LIKE A WOMAN.
I ATTEMPTED TO GO DOWN THE ROAD OF MARRIAGE
A COUPLE DIFFERENT TIMES.
I AM READY FOR A FAMILY.
IT'S THE ONE THING THAT'S ELUDED ME.
I'VE BEEN ABLE TO ACCOMPLISH A LOT OF THINGS IN MY LIFE,
EVERYTHING I'VE EVER WANTED.
NOW I JUST NEED A WOMAN TO SHARE THAT WITH.
- OKAY, I HEARD YOU GOT MARRIED FOR A DAY.
WHAT'S THAT STORY?
- AT THAT TIME, I WAS GOING THROUGH A LOT
OF MIXED EMOTIONS, FEELINGS,
AND YOU START TO REFLECT AND REEVALUATE YOUR LIFE
AND DECISIONS, AND I WASN'T THINKING REAL CLEARLY.
- HOW LONG DID YOU DATE HER? - ABOUT A YEAR AND A HALF.
- WHO'S THE OTHER WIFE? WAS THERE ANOTHER WIFE?
- YES, THAT CAME SEVERAL YEARS LATER.
- OKAY, THAT'S WHERE I WANT TO GO.
- THAT ONE WAS A GIRL I DATED FOR JUST A COUPLE MONTHS.
- AND THAT CRASHES AND BURNS, AND HOW LONG WAS THAT FOR?
- ONE MONTH.
- [gasps] OH, MY GOD. WE WENT FROM A DAY TO A MONTH.
VERY PROUD OF YOU. - IT'S GETTING BETTER.
GETTING BETTER. - YEAH, IT'S GETTING BETTER.
HAS THERE ANYBODY BEEN A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP?
TWO, THREE YEARS, YOU LIVED TOGETHER?
- I THINK I PRETTY MUCH GAVE UP AFTER THAT.
- OH, THIS IS NOT GOOD, JEFF IS A CLIFF DIVER--
THE HOPELESS ROMANTIC WHO JUMPS OFF THE CLIFF
AND DOESN'T LOOK WHERE IT'S GOING.
AND SOMETIMES THEY HIT THE ROCKS,
AND OTHER TIMES THEY HIT THE WATER.
AND JEFF NEEDS A NEW APPROACH WITH WOMEN.
I WANT YOU TO BE MORE OF A SURFER,
WHICH, LIKE, EXAMINES HOW THE WATER IS.
THEY READ THE WEATHER REPORT, THEY EXAMINE IT.
YOU'RE GONNA READ THE WEATHER REPORT OF THE GIRLS.
- OKAY. - BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T,
YOU'LL BE CLIFF DIVING FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE,
AND YOU'LL CRASH AND BURN UNTIL YOU'RE 90.
I WANT YOU TO THINK BEFORE YOU FEEL.
SO WHEN I DO THE MIXER WITH YOU
WHEN YOU MEET ALL THE GIRLS,
YOU'RE GONNA TALK TO THEM AND GET TO KNOW THEM,
SEE WHAT YOU HAVE IN COMMON,
AND SEE, WHERE IS THIS PERSON'S HEAD AT?
IF I CAN MAKE JEFF TURN FROM A CLIFF DIVER
INTO A SURFER, THERE'S HOPE FOR HIM.
HE'LL FIND A MATCH.
OKAY, NOW BEING THAT YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED TWICE,
AND ONE DOESN'T EVEN COUNT...
- MM-HMM.
- HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT MARRIAGE FOR THE THIRD TIME AROUND?
- IT'S SOMETHING THAT I'M OBVIOUSLY NERVOUS
AND HESITANT ABOUT, BUT I'M OPEN TO IT FOR SURE.
- OKAY, YOUR CRUSH WAS JESSICA BIEL.
- YES.
- I CAN'T GO OVER TO JUSTIN AND ASK HIM
TO GIVE ME BACK JESSICA BIEL.
SORRY, BUT I CAN FIND A SIMILAR LOOK.
WHY LOVE NOW? WHY'D YOU PICK ME?
- I'VE HAD EVERYTHING I'VE EVER WANTED IN MY LIFE.
THE ONE THING THAT'S ELUDED ME, EVADED ME FOR ALL THESE YEARS
IS THAT LOVE OF MY LIFE.
I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I'M DOING OBVIOUSLY IN THIS ARENA.
- WELL, I'M GONNA HELP YOU. IT'S GONNA BE A PROCESS.
IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN IN A DAY.
I GOTTA BREAK YOU OF THE WORST HABIT
IN THE WORLD, WHICH IS CLIFF DIVING.
- PATTI BROKE ME DOWN IN A MATTER OF A HALF HOUR,
BROUGHT OUT A LOT THAT I WISHED I WOULD'VE KNOWN ABOUT
20 YEARS AGO.
- OKAY, I GOTTA GET OFF TO THE OFFICE
'CAUSE I GOT TO START GETTING
ALL THE GIRLS ROUNDED UP FOR YOU.
JESSICA BIEL AIN'T EASY TO GET IN L.A., OKAY?
- ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU SO MUCH. - BUT WE'RE GONNA DO THE BEST.
- I APPRECIATE IT. - OKAY?
- HELLO, LOVER.
- HI. - HI.
- I'VE KNOWN CARSON KRESSLEY FOREVER,
AND I'VE TOLD HIM EVERYTHING ABOUT IAN.
CARSON HAS A STRONG, FAST-WITTED PERSONALITY,
AND I KNOW HE WON'T FALL FOR IAN'S [bleep].
IF THERE'S ANYONE THAT IAN'S GONNA LISTEN TO,
IT'S CARSON.
- YOU GO DO YOUR THING. - COME ON, DAVID.
- I'M GONNA CHAT WITH IAN. - YOU BEHAVE.
- BUT I WANT YOU TO GIVE ME ONE HUG.
I JUST WANT-- I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET--
- NO, I'M NOT READY YET. MAYBE AT THE MIXER.
- OKAY, IAN.
SO YOU'RE TRYING TO MEET A MAN.
YOU PROBABLY HAVE A LOT MORE TO OFFER,
AND YOU'RE SOMEHOW, LIKE, COVERING IT ALL UP
WITH THIS ATTENTION-GETTING THING.
PEOPLE WANT SOMEONE THAT'S AUTHENTIC.
- I'M AUTHENTIC.
- YOU HAVE A LOT GOING FOR YOU,
AND THERE'S... - I DON'T.
- SOME KIND OF, LIKE, SELF-DEPRECATING THING THAT'S--
- I'VE BEEN PUT DOWN A LOT ALL THROUGH MY LIFE,
AND YOU START TO EMBRACE THAT.
- BUT THERE COMES A POINT WHERE YOU HAVE TO SAY
IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER,
AND YOU HAVE TO OWN THE GOOD THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF.
- OH, I AGREE WITH YOU.
I OWN ALL OF THE GOOD THINGS ABOUT ME BECAUSE I BOUGHT THEM.
- I JUST THINK YOUR PROBLEM IS
YOU PUT UP A LOT OF WALLS TO NOT BE YOURSELF.
IF YOU DON'T THINK YOU DESERVE SOMEONE GOOD,
THEN YOU'RE NEVER GONNA HAVE SOMEBODY GOOD.
- I AGREE WITH YOU.
- YOU'RE GOOD-LOOKING. YOU HAVE A LOT GOING ON.
- I HAVE TROUBLE TAKING COMPLIMENTS.
I DON'T BELIEVE THEM. - RIGHT, RIGHT.
- I KNOW, AND THAT'S WHY TO MAKE JOKES.
- YEAH, IT'S A GREAT WAY TO DEFLECT.
- YES. - I'M GUILTY AS WELL.
THAT TAKES A LONG TIME TO GET OVER.
IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN OVER A CHEESE PLATE.
LITERALLY, LIKE, IT SOUNDS CHEESY AND AFTER-SCHOOL SPECIAL,
BUT I THINK IT IS A CRY FOR HELP.
HE'S LIKE, "COME ON, SOMEBODY.
"GIVE ME A HUG. BELIEVE IN ME.
TELL ME I'M GONNA BE OKAY."
SO REVIEW.
AT THE MIXER, YOU'RE GONNA DRESS UP A LITTLE BETTER,
DON'T DO ALL THAT STUFF TO, LIKE, DEFLECT.
- SO DON'T TALK TOO MUCH. LISTEN.
- AND BE YOU.
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH WHO YOU ARE.
ALL RIGHT, COME HERE. - I'M GLAD WE HAD THIS.
- I'M GLAD WE DID TOO. OKAY?
OOH, YOU'RE A GOOD HUGGER. - THANK YOU.
THAT'S THE ONLY THING THAT'S GOOD ABOUT ME.
SEE, I DID IT! - SEE, THAT WAS A TEST!
- I KNOW, I KNOW, AND I FAILED ALREADY.
- NO, YOU DID GOOD.
- I'M GONNA GO INTO THE MIXER WITH AN OPEN MIND
BECAUSE WHO KNOWS--YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT'S IN THE FUTURE,
AND HOPEFULLY I'LL FIND SOMEBODY OR SOMEBODIES.
- ALL RIGHT, MAYBE-- I DON'T KNOW IF I LIKE THE HAT.
- YOU DON'T LIKE THIS?
I'M NOT GONNA WEAR THE HAT. - YOU'RE CUTER WITHOUT THE HAT.
- NO. - I KIND OF LIKE IT.
- NO, I LIKE THE HAT! - OKAY, GOOD LUCK.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- OKAY, GUYS, LET'S FIX UP JEFF OGDEN,
MY FAVORITE NFL PLAYER. - LET'S DO IT.
- WE NEED A GIRL THAT'S DOWN TO EARTH...
- OKAY. - LOOKS LIKE JESSICA BIEL.
SHE JUST WANTS TO BE A COUNTRY BUMPKIN,
BACK IN AUSTIN, LIVING A VERY HEALTHY LIFESTYLE
AND PERHAPS HAVING CHILDREN AND GETTING MARRIED.
- OKAY. - OKAY?
THAT WHAT WE'RE LOOKING FOR. - PERFECT.
- REBECCA, YOU'RE A TV HOST FOR WHO?
WHAT SHOW ARE YOU ON? - I WORK FOR HOLLYSCOOP.
- BUT I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ONE THING.
THE GUY THAT WE HAVE THIS WEEK LIVES IN AUSTIN.
CAN YOU LIVE IN AUSTIN, BE A COUNTRY BUMPKIN?
- MY CAREER IS IMPORTANT TO ME, BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY,
I WANT TO HAVE A FAMILY, I HAVE TO HAVE BABIES.
- RIGHT, SO IN OTHER WORDS, IF YOU HAD TO CHOOSE,
YOU'D CHOOSE FAMILY OVER FAME?
- YEAH. - CORRECT?
- ABSOLUTE--I MEAN-- - LOVE WINS.
- DO YOU BELIEVE HER? - I DO.
- OKAY, GOOD. I SAY YES.
- THAT WAS EASY. - YES?
- YES. - OKAY.
KATYA, YOU'RE A PARALEGAL.
YOU WANT TO TAKE OVER YOUR DAD'S LAW PRACTICE?
THAT'S PRETTY ASPIRATIONAL.
- MY DAD HAS A LAW FIRM, AND HE'D LIKE ME TO TAKE OVER,
AND I'M FOLLOWING HIS STEPS TO DO THAT.
- SHE'S GOT A JESSICA BIEL VIBE TO HER.
- OH, REALLY? - SHE DOES. YEAH, YEAH.
- JESSICA BIEL WOULD WEAR THAT DRESS.
- I LIKE THAT. - THAT'S A JESSICA BIEL DRESS,
I HAVE TO SAY, SHE LIKES TO SHOW HER CLEAVAGE, YOU KNOW?
- IT SAYS HERE THAT FAMILY'S REALLY IMPORTANT TO YOU.
LIKE, HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU THINK YOU WANT TO HAVE?
- THREE.
THREE'S A GOOD NUMBER. - YOU'RE IN.
KELLY. - HI.
- YOU WERE A CHEERLEADER. - I WAS.
- YOU USED TO BE A PROFESSIONAL CHEERLEADER
IN AUSTRALIA.
OKAY, GIVE US YOUR BEST CHEER.
GIVE US YOUR BEST CHEER. COME ON.
- YOU WANT ME TO DO A LEG KICK IN A SKIRT?
- YES, I WANT YOU TO DO A LEG KICK AND ALL THAT.
THIS ONE IS GOING TO JUMP AND SCOOP YOU UP.
- I ALMOST FELL OFF MY CHAIR. - OKAY.
I SAY THEY'RE ALL IN.
SO FAR, WE'RE OFF TO A GOOD START
FOR FINDING GIRLS FOR JEFF.
WE'VE GOT SOME BEAUTIFUL, ATHLETIC GIRLS
WHO HAVE NO PROBLEM LEAVING L.A.
FOR A TEXAS LIFESTYLE.
HOPEFULLY, WE'LL SEE SURFER JEFF
IN ACTION AT THE MIXER WHEN HE MEETS THESE GIRLS.
OKAY. HI. - HI.
- MELANIE, YOU WENT ON-- OH, MY GOD.
I REMEMBER YOU NOW. - HI, PATTI.
[laughs] - OKAY.
SO MELANIE WENT ON A DATE WITH BRETT JACOBSON,
WHO IS ONE OF THE FIRST MIXERS WE HAVE EVER DONE
IN THE HISTORY OF THE CLUB.
- IT SEEMS THAT YOU LIKE THE EXCITEMENT
OF NEW THINGS. - I DO, BUT I ALSO--
- ARE YOU ABLE TO COMMIT?
- I TEND TO DO THINGS IMPULSIVELY.
- YEAH, I'M GETTING THAT.
- THE MILLIONAIRE WE HAVE THIS WEEK--
HE LIVES IN AUSTIN, SO WOULD YOU MOVE?
IF HE SAID, "HEY." - THE RIGHT PERSON, ABSOLUTELY.
- AND DO YOU LIKE SPORTS?
- I WAS A GYMNAST. I LOVE SPORTS.
- OKAY, I SAY YES
'CAUSE SHE ALREADY KNOWS THE MIXER EXPERIENCE, SO I'M--
I FEEL BAD ABOUT THAT DATE, SO I'M GONNA LET YOU BACK IN.
- THANK YOU.
- OKAY, SO FIRST, LET'S START WITH ANGELA.
SEXY SECRETARY, TAKE THE GLASSES OFF.
I'LL TAKE MINE OFF WITH YOU.
LOOK AT THAT FACE.
WHAT ARE YOU COVERING IT UP WITH GLASSES?
I HAVE TO WEAR THEM. - I CAN'T SEE.
- IS THAT FOR LOOKS? OH, YOU REALLY CAN'T SEE?
- NO, I REALLY CAN'T SEE, YEAH.
- YOU'RE INTERESTED IN FORENSIC SCIENCE,
AND YOU LIKE SNOWBOARDING.
- YES. - THAT'S AN INTERESTING MIX.
- YES. - OKAY, LET ME SEE YOUR HAIR.
GO AROUND.
I THINK IF WE BLEW IT OUT,
IT WOULD LOOK A LITTLE BIT MORE UPSCALE.
- ALL RIGHT. - OKAY.
AND THEN YOU CAN COME. OKAY. - DONE.
- COMING UP...
IF YOU ALL TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF-- WILL YOU TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF?
- TAKE THEM ALL THE WAY OFF? - I'LL TAKE MY PANTS OFF.
- WHERE'S THE COOLEST PLACE YOU'VE BEEN?
- MACHU PICCHU. - THAT'S IN CANADA, RIGHT?
I'M JUST KIDDING. [laughter]
- IT'S TIME TO START RECRUITING FOR MY TRUST FUND MESS,
IAN BERNARDO.
I INVITED CARSON TO COME TO RECRUITING
BECAUSE I THINK HE AND IAN REALLY CONNECTED.
WE'RE LOOKING FOR MEN WITH STRONG,
INDIVIDUAL PERSONALITIES,
WHO WILL HOPEFULLY SEE THROUGH THE WALLS
THAT IAN PUTS UP.
GOT CARSON KRESSLEY IN THE HOUSE.
THIS IS A VERY PROFESSIONAL GUY.
- OH, STOP IT. KEEP TALKING. - I'M TELLING YOU THE TRUTH.
IAN IS THE MOST DIFFICULT GAY CLIENT WE'VE EVER HAD.
- RIGHT. - ARE WE READY?
OKAY, HERE THEY COME.
OKAY, NOW, LAWRENCE,
YOU HAVE A NONPROFIT... - YES.
- CALLED KIDS. - YES.
- TELL US A LITTLE BIT ABOUT IT.
- SO I USE ART TO RAISE MONEY FOR NONPROFITS
THAT BENEFIT CHILDREN. - THERE YOU GO.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT JEWISH MEN?
- I LOVE ETHNIC, SO JEWISH, I KIND OF THROW
IN THE SAME CATEGORY. - DO YOU LIKE BALD, JEWISH MEN?
- UM, YOU KNOW WHAT... - [laughs]
- IF HE'S HOT, THEN YES, I LIKE BALD, JEWISH MEN.
- AND HE LIVES IN NEW YORK, SO WOULD YOU LIVE IN NEW YORK?
- YES.
- I LIKE YOU. WHAT DO YOU THINK?
- I LIKE LAWRENCE TOO.
- DAVID? - I AGREE.
- SETH, YOU'RE 26. - RIGHT.
- AND YOU CLAIMED YOU'RE GREAT IN BED.
HOW DO WE KNOW YOU'RE GOOD IN BED?
- YOU KNOW, YOU JUST GOTTA LET GO,
AND I'VE HAD A LOT OF COMPLIMENTS AFTERWARD.
- LET GO, LET GOD.
- I LIKE YOUR ENERGY, AND I LIKE YOUR ATTITUDE,
AND I LIKE YOUR BIEBER HAIRCUT THE BEST.
- YES. - SO I SAY YES.
- I SAY YES TOO.
- I DO TOO. - OKAY, GREAT.
ERIC, YOU'RE AN ARMY OFFICER.
- IAN WAS IN THE ARMY TOO. JUST SAYING.
- OKAY.
YOU CAME OUT AT 19 TO YOUR FRAT BROTHERS.
DID THEY HAZE YOU?
- THEY GAVE ME A STANDING OVATION
WHEN I CAME OUT, SO... - WOW.
- I THINK I SAW THAT MOVIE. - YEAH.
- [laughs] - OKAY, I SAY YES.
PEJMAN.
- IT ACTUALLY SAYS HERE THAT YOU'RE BISEXUAL,
BUT YOU PREFER MEN.
- YES. - I'M BISEXUAL TOO.
- YOU ARE? - YOU ARE?
- BUY ME SOMETHING, I'LL GET REALLY ***.
- [laughs]
- I GOT INTO GO-GO DANCING, BUT THEN I QUIT THAT
FOUR MONTHS AGO, AND NOW-- - WAIT.
WHAT'S YOUR SIGNATURE MOVE?
COME ON, PEOPLE, GET BACK. GET BACK.
- YOU SHOULD PROBABLY TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF FOR THIS.
- WELL, MY SIGNATURE MOVE IS DOING THIS,
THIS, AND THEN THIS.
- OOH. - AH.
- THAT'S LIKE THE ROBOT.
- LIKE, MICHAEL JACKSON WANTS HIS LITTLE MOVE BACK.
I SAY YES.
SO WE'VE GOT POWDER ON THE END.
PHILLIP NELSON. 27.
HAVE YOU SEEN THE SUN?
- YES. - HE'S GONNA HAVE--
HE HAS GOOD, PORCELAIN SKIN FROM STAYING OUT OF THE SUN.
- YOU AND MADONNA HAVE BEEN HANGING OUT WAY TOO MUCH.
- WE HAVE.
- YOUR AUNT AND UNCLE DISOWNED YOU WHEN YOU CAME OUT.
SO WHAT HAPPENED THERE? - THEY'RE FROM TEXAS.
THEY'RE VERY, LIKE, BIBLE BELT.
- MM-HMM. - AND THEY LOOKED AT ME,
AND THEY'RE JUST LIKE, "YOU'RE SATAN'S CHILD," PRACTICALLY.
- [gasps] AWFUL. - AWFUL.
- WELL, YOU'RE NOT SATAN'S CHILD.
- YOU'RE NOT. YOU'RE SO CUTE.
- AND YOU'RE ADORABLE. - HOW COULD THEY THROW YOU OUT?
- AND THERE ARE LOTS OF CHRISTIANS THAT LOVE YOU.
- YEAH.
- AND SOME JEWS THAT MIGHT LOVE YOU TOO.
I KIND OF LIKE THIS WHOLE AMISH-CHIC THING
THAT'S GOING ON. - YEAH, IT'S VERY AMISH.
- BEYOND THIS WHOLE WILLIAMSBURG GRUNGE THING,
I THINK PEOPLE ARE GOING TO BE DOING AMISH,
SO I THINK YOU'RE A TRENDSETTER.
- I SAY YES TO HIM. WHAT DO YOU SAY?
- I SAY YES TOO. - OKAY.
- WE LIKE YOU. - OKAY, MATT.
TELL ME IN JAPANESE, OKAY,
YOUR MOST *** DESIRE. GO!
- [speaking Japanese]
- KON'NICHIWA! [laughter]
THAT WAS SO HOT.
OH, DO YOU GUYS NOT SPEAK JAPANESE?
- I DO NOW.
- NOW TELL ME WHAT YOU JUST SAID.
- I JUST SAID, WITH A VERY BEAUTIFUL PERSON,
I WOULD LIKE TO DO NAUGHTY THINGS.
both: AW. - HE'S FOR YOU.
- YOU KNOW WHAT, JUST GET-- PUT HIM OUT IN MY CAR.
- SEE YA. - I'LL BE DOWN IN 15 MINUTES.
- ROGER'S 27. HE'S A MODEL/SERVER.
SO YOU HAVE YOUTUBE VIDEOS OF YOU
DANCING IN YOUR UNDERWEAR AND SINGING?
SHOULD I MAKE YOU GET IN YOUR UNDERWEAR AND DANCE?
- YES.
- IF YOU ALL TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF,
WILL YOU TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF?
- TAKE THEM ALL THE WAY OFF?
- I'LL TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF AND LET HIM--
- I'LL TAKE MY PANTS OFF.
- I WANT TO SEE RISKY BUSINESS HERE.
- IF HE TAKES HIS PANTS OFF.
- OKAY, NOW, EVERYBODY, DO-- EVERYBODY, TWERK.
- THAT'S PERFECT. - TURN AROUND.
ONE, TWO, THREE. - THAT'S A VERY GOOD ***.
- AND SHAKE IT.
COME ON, AMISH. LET'S GO, AMISH.
SHAKE IT. VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD. - YEAH.
- OKAY, YOU ALL CAN COME TO THE MIXER.
THAT WAS A LOT OF HUMILIATION.
- MAY I SAY ONE THING? - YEAH.
- THANK YOU. [laughter]
- SO CARSON'S GOT TO GET BACK TO THE EAST COAST.
HE'S GOT HIS NIECE'S SWEET 16.
- SORRY, GUYS. - UNFORTUNATELY, HE CAN'T STAY.
ALL RIGHT, BYE. GIVE ME KISSES--HUGS AND KISSES.
- BYE.
both: MWAH. - BYE.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING. - OF COURSE.
- I REALLY APPRECIATE IT. both: BYE.
MWAH. both: BYE.
- BYE. WE'VE GOTTA GO. - TAKE CARE.
- BYE, GUYS. - SEE YOU LATER.
- DAVID AND JUSTIN, TAKE THE LEAD.
LET'S SHOW ME WHAT GIRLS WE'RE BRINGING AND WHAT GUYS--
- WE'RE GOING WITH GIRLS FIRST? - GONNA DO GIRLS FIRST.
FOR JEFF, WE FOUND SOME REALLY GREAT GIRLS.
THEY'RE SPORTY, AND THEY WOULD HAVE NO PROBLEM
RELOCATING TO AUSTIN.
NOW ALL I HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT
WITH JEFF IS THAT HE DOESN'T CLIFF DIVE
AT THE MIXER.
IF HE THINKS FIRST AND FEELS SECOND,
HE'LL BE FINE. LET'S GO TO THE GUYS.
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO TO THE GUYS.
- AS FOR IAN, I'VE FOUND HOT, SEXY, GEORGE MICHAEL TYPES
THAT ARE PERFECT FOR HIM.
I JUST HOPE IAN WILL BE
HIS TRUE SELF AND NOT PUT UP HIS OBNOXIOUS DEFENSES.
COME ON, WE GOT WORK TO DO. - ALL RIGHT.
- WE'RE-- NO MORE CLIFF DIVING.
ASSESS THE WATERS AND KIND OF FIGURE OUT THE FEEL, ALL RIGHT?
YOU KNOW, JUST LIKE YOU LOOK AT THE FEEL
WHEN YOU DO YOUR STRATEGY FOOTBALL.
- HI, PATTI. - OH, HI. THIS IS IAN.
YOU'LL BE GETTING GUYS, AND YOU'LL BE GETTING GIRLS.
- WONDERFUL. - ISN'T THIS GREAT?
SO YOU HAD A HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT.
IAN'S RELATIONSHIP ROLE MODELS ARE OFF,
SO I GAVE HIM A HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT TO PICK A GREAT ONE.
HE NEEDS TO FOLLOW THE RIGHT EXAMPLE,
SO HE CAN HAVE A HEALTHY, HAPPY RELATIONSHIP.
WHAT WAS THE HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT?
- TO FIND A GOOD COUPLE, SO I THOUGHT
THE MANSON FAMILY, AND I'LL TELL YOU WHY.
- OKAY. - THERE WAS SO MUCH LOVE.
AND THEY LIVED ON A RANCH TOGETHER.
- I'M BEGINNING TO THINK WE SHOULDN'T GIVE YOU A MIXER.
WE SHOULD GIVE YOU ELECTROSHOCK THERAPY.
THIS IS GOING NOWHERE WITH IAN.
THE ONLY THING I'LL HOPE FOR NOW IS THAT
THE GUYS DON'T WALK OUT OF THE MIXER WHEN I INTRODUCE HIM.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
OKAY, EVERYBODY HAVING A REALLY GOOD TIME?
[all cheer] OKAY, GUESS WHAT.
WE ARE IN A HOUSE CALLED "THE TWO-DRINK MAXIMUM HOUSE."
GOT IT? ALL RIGHT.
SO ARE YOU READY TO MEET MY MILLIONAIRES?
[all cheering] OKAY!
ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
MEET MY MILLIONAIRES!
HERE THEY COME!
[cheers and applause]
OKAY, GIRLS, I'M GONNA START WITH THE LADIES FIRST.
JEFF OGDEN-- HE OWNS TWO GYMS--
ONE IN AUSTIN, ONE'S IN PENNSYLVANIA.
HE PLAYED FOR THE COWBOYS.
WE REALLY WANT HIM TO FIND TRUE LOVE
'CAUSE HE WANTS TO GET MARRIED.
HE'S DIVORCED, SO PLEASE,
PLEASE BE YOUR SINCERE SELF TODAY.
MOVING ON, IAN.
IAN IS REALLY INTO THE ART SCENE.
HE'S GOT A GREAT PERSONALITY.
HE IS FUN, FRIENDLY, AND GENEROUS.
THAT BEING SAID, ARE YOU READY
TO MEET MY MILLIONAIRES?
[cheers and applause] OKAY, LET'S GO, GUYS.
- WHERE ARE YOU GUYS FROM?
- I ORIGINATE FROM OKLAHOMA, AND THEN I MOVED TO NEW YORK
FOR COLLEGE AND THEN CAME HERE TO LOS ANGELES THREE YEARS AGO.
- WHERE DID YOU GO TO COLLEGE IN NEW YORK?
- NEW YORK PERFORMING ARTS CENTER.
- OH, WOW, YOUR DIPLOMA'S ABOUT AS PRESTIGIOUS
AS MY METROCARD.
[laughter] KIDDING.
- GOD, NOTHING WORKS WITH IAN.
EVERYTHING THAT CARSON AND I HAVE TOLD HIM IS GOING
IN ONE EAR AND OUT THE OTHER.
HE'S ONLY HURTING HIMSELF BY PUTTING UP THESE WALLS.
- I DO NOT HAVE A BIG FAMILY
BECAUSE MY FAMILY DOESN'T SPEAK TO EACH OTHER.
BUT THEY HATE ME SO MUCH,
THEY END UP, LIKE, HIRING AN ACTOR
TO PORTRAY ME IN HOME VIDEOS-- IT'S [bleep] SAD.
- WHAT? - ARE YOU SERIOUS?
- NO, I'M JOKING.
- OKAY. - MY PARENTS LIKE ME.
- WHERE IS THE COOLEST PLACE YOU'VE BEEN?
- MACHU PICCHU.
- MACHU PICCHU-- THAT'S IN CANADA, RIGHT?
I'M JUST KIDDING. - OH, MY GOD.
- I WAS LIKE, UH-OH. - LOT OF CONCUSSIONS.
IT WAS HARD FOR ME TO ACTUALLY--
I DIDN'T WANT TO FOCUS IN ON ANY ONE WOMAN.
I WANTED TO KIND OF TAKE IT ALL IN,
BUT THE MORE I DID THAT, THE MORE NERVOUS I BECAME,
KNOWING THAT ALL EYES WERE ON ME.
KELLY, YOU HAVE A LOT OF ENERGY.
- I'M AUSTRALIAN. - AUSTRALIAN?
- WHICH IS NICE. I LIKE TO SURF.
- OH. - AND I LOVE THE BEACH.
- WHAT ELSE DO YOU DO IN AUSTRALIA
IF YOU'RE NOT AT THE BEACH? - I WAS A CHEERLEADER
FOR FOOTBALL AND BASKETBALL.
- AUSTRALIAN RULES FOOTBALL? - YEAH.
- THAT'S COOL.
WE HAVE WAY TOO MUCH PROTECTION, RIGHT?
CAN NEVER WEAR ENOUGH PROTECTION.
UM... [laughter]
WEIRD. UH...
- AND OF COURSE, JEFF, MY FORMER NFL HOTTIE,
IS DOING FANTASTIC.
THE GIRLS LOVE HIM. HE'S ENGAGED.
HE'S ASKING QUESTIONS.
HE'S GETTING UNDER THE HOOD OF THE CAR, AND HE'S SURFING.
- WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO NEXT?
- WELL, NEXT, I WANT TO GO TO THAILAND.
THAILAND HAS A LOT OF REALLY COOL TEMPLES AND--
- DO YOU LIKE THAI FOOD?
- I LOVE IT, YEAH. - YEAH, I DO TOO.
- HOLD UP--SO I'M LOOKING AT ALL FOUR OF YOU,
AND I SEE THE UNITED BOTTOMS OF BENETTON RIGHT NOW, SO--
- ACTUALLY, YOU'D BE SURPRISED. - OH, WAIT, WAIT.
- THIS REACTION, COME ON. - ALL RIGHT.
- YOU'RE A TOP, RIGHT?
- I'M EVERYTHING THAT NEEDS TO BE DONE.
- OH! - HEY!
- YOU GUYS ARE ALL VERY BEAUTIFUL, VERY INTELLIGENT.
- THANK YOU. - THANK YOU. YOU'RE VERY CUTE.
- YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT
'CAUSE YOU'VE HAD THE LONGEST TIME TO DRINK.
- OH, NO. - SO--
IF THERE WAS A FEW MORE TABLES, I'D LOOK AMAZING.
- SO YOU HAD A GOOD TIME? - I HAD A GREAT TIME.
- ALL RIGHT, SO IT'S THE MOMENT OF TRUTH.
YOU GOTTA PICK YOUR TWO MINI DATES.
WHOM DO YOU CHOOSE TO GO ON YOUR MINI DATES?
WHO DO YOU LIKE FOR NUMBER ONE? - [sighs] KATYA.
- KATYA HAS THE MOST JESSICA BIEL,
I WOULD SAY, OUT OF ALL OF THEM. SO GO ON, WHO'S--
- THE NEXT ONE WOULD PROBABLY BE MELANIE.
- YEAH, OKAY.
IT'S TIME TO PICK YOUR MINI DATES.
WHOM DO YOU CHOOSE FOR YOUR MINI DATES?
AND YOU ONLY GET TWO, SO PICK WISELY.
- PHIL AND MATT.
- GREAT, BOTH OF THEM-- PHIL AND MATT--
YOU HAVE SEX ON YOUR BRAIN
AS WELL AS GETTING TO KNOW THEM PERSONALLY?
- OH, I TOTALLY WANT TO GET TO KNOW THEM.
- IAN HAS A CHANCE HERE TO REDEEM HIMSELF,
AND I HOPE TO GOD HE DOESN'T BLOW IT.
GREAT. LET'S GO TELL THE GUYS.
- REMIND ME, WERE YOU INVOLVED IN ATHLETICS OR--
- WHEN I WAS GROWING UP, I WAS A GYMNAST.
GYMNASTICS IS MY PASSION. - WOW.
- AND YOU HAVE TO EXCUSE ME, BUT I HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT EVEN TEAM YOU PLAYED FOR, SO...
- THAT'S OKAY. I PREFER IT THAT WAY.
- TELL ME ABOUT YOUR CAREER, I GUESS, I DON'T KNOW.
- SO YOU DON'T FOLLOW FOOTBALL AT ALL?
- I HAVE NO IDEA. - REALLY?
- NO, BUT I CAN THROW ONE.
- ARE YOU SURE? - YEAH.
BUT I HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT TEAMS OR--
- WELL, YOU KNOW NO MATTER WHAT WE DO FROM THIS POINT ON,
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO SEE IF YOU CAN THROW A FOOTBALL.
- THROW A BALL. I CAN DO IT.
- WHAT'S SOMETHING ON YOUR BUCKET LIST?
- WELL, HOPEFULLY I DIE BY 40, SO I DON'T--
- WHAT? THAT'S SOON, THOUGH. - I DON'T HAVE THAT MUCH TIME.
- ISN'T IT? - OH, [bleep] ***.
- [laughs] THAT'S SOON FOR EVERYONE.
- NO. - WE'RE THE SAME AGE, I THINK.
- HOW OLD ARE YOU?
- WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK ABOUT THAT, SO--
- OH, OKAY.
WHAT IS YOUR IDEAL MATE?
- SOMEONE WHO IS NICE...
- YOU KNOW WHAT, LET ME SAY SOMETHING ABOUT NICE.
- OKAY.
- ICE CREAM IS NICE. DO YOU [bleep] DATE ICE CREAM?
- SO YOU'RE FROM THE UKRAINE?
- YEAH, I CAME HERE WHEN I WAS TEN.
- IS THERE ANY UKRAINIAN FOODS THAT YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE?
- UM... [laughs]
WELL, THERE'S PELMENI, WHICH IS...[laughs]
- NO IDEA. - YEAH.
IT'S LIKE A PASTA-TYPE DISH BUT HAS MEAT INSIDE.
- OKAY.
YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY VERY BEAUTIFUL, VERY DONE UP.
YOU LOOK WONDERFUL.
- I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT FOR A GIRL TO DRESS UP NICE.
- SURE.
- I'M HAVING A GOOD TIME. ARE YOU?
- I'M HAVING A GOOD TIME.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ACTIVITY TO DO?
- WELL, I LOVE TO SWIM, AND I LOVE ANIMALS.
- WHAT KIND OF ANIMALS?
- ELEPHANTS. THAT'S MY FAVORITE.
- ARE YOU LIKE AN ELEPHANT? - YES.
- WHERE? [laughter]
SO I LOVE YOUR HAIR. - THANK YOU.
- IT'S VERY GEORGE MICHAEL. DO YOU LIKE GEORGE MICHAEL?
- I LOVE GEORGE MICHAEL. - WHAT ERA?
- I LOVE HIS FAITH.
- OH, POST-WHAM!
IT WAS A DIFFICULT DECISION-- THE MINI DATE--
BECAUSE ONE OF THEM WAS VERY, VERY CUTE,
AND THE OTHER ONE WAS CUTE WITH A BRAIN.
- WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE BOOK, LIKE, WHAT TYPE OF BOOK--
- I'M A FAN OF DR. SEUSS... - ME TOO.
- BECAUSE IT'S EASY AND IT RHYMES.
- I LIKE DR. SEUSS.
I ALSO LOVE PRIDE AND PREJUDICE BY JANE AUSTEN.
- YEAH. - HAVE YOU READ THAT?
- I MEAN, IN HIGH SCHOOL, THEY MADE US,
BUT I CHEATED OFF OF THIS GIRL IN CLASS.
- [laughs] - WHATEVER.
I MEAN, WHAT'S THE POINT OF HAVING A FAT GIRL IN SCHOOL?
YOU CHEAT OFF OF HER.
- OH! - YOU KNOW?
- OH, SOME FAT GIRLS ARE BEAUTIFUL.
- OH, THAT'S WHY YOU'RE CUTE AND SWEET.
YOU BELIEVE THIS.
- I DO, I DO. - I KNOW.
- YOU HAD A GOOD TIME TODAY AT THE EVENT?
- YES, YES. - OKAY.
AND YOU'VE PICKED TWO GUYS... - RIGHT.
- WHO ARE VERY DIFFERENT.
WHOM DO YOU CHOOSE FOR YOUR MASTER DATE?
- I WOULD HAVE TO SAY...
- SO NOW IT'S THAT MOMENT OF REAL TRUTH,
WHERE WE HAVE TO PICK ONE PERSON FOR THE MASTER DATE.
- OKAY. - OKAY?
WHOM DO YOU CHOOSE FOR YOUR MASTER DATE?
- I'M GOING WITH...
- LADIES!
AFTER YOU'VE HAD TWO DATES--
ONE WITH MELANIE AND ONE WITH KATYA,
WHOM DID YOU CHOOSE FOR YOUR MASTER DATE?
- I EVENTUALLY CHOSE MELANIE. - YAY!
[cheers and applause] OKAY, OKAY.
LADIES. ALL RIGHT.
SO NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE BOYS, AND THIS WASN'T EASY EITHER.
IAN HAD A REALLY HARD DECISION
BETWEEN MATT AND PHILLIP.
WHOM DID YOU CHOOSE AS YOUR MASTER DATE, IAN?
- FILL ME UP!
[laughter]
- I THINK IAN DID GREAT CHOOSING MY AMISH BOY PHIL.
PHIL IS SUPER SWEET AND CUTE.
MAYBE THERE IS HOPE FOR IAN YET.
AND MELANIE, WHO'S BEEN A DATER BEFORE AT SOME OF THE MIXERS,
IS A GREAT OPTION FOR JEFF.
I AM SO EXCITED THAT HE GETS TO TRY OUT
HIS SURFER MOVES AND STEPS AWAY FROM THE CLIFF.
COMING UP...
- SO WE'RE GONNA JUMP ON THE BALLS
AND BUILD SOME HEAT IN THE BODY. - OKAY, ALREADY.
- I KNOW, THAT'S HOW WE HAVE TO START.
- NO SEX BEFORE MONOGAMY.
- DO SOMETHING WITH THIS?
- SAY WE, YOU KNOW, DID A LITTLE MOCK DATE RIGHT NOW.
WOW, YOU HAVE GREAT EYES. ARE THEY BLUE?
- THEY'RE GREEN. - THEY'RE GREEN, FANTASTIC.
NOW YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SAYING--
- OH, YOUR EYES ARE VERY NICE AS WELL.
DID YOU BUY THEM?
- RIGHT, WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT TO SOMEBODY, "DID YOU BUY THEM?"
- 'CAUSE THEY DON'T LOOK NATURAL.
- WELL, THEY'RE DEFINITELY NATURAL.
- OH. - AND THAT WOULD BE
REALLY OFF-PUTTING TO YOUR DATE.
- YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT.
OKAY, SO LET'S START AGAIN. - OKAY.
SO LET'S KEEP IT POSITIVE. - BEAUTIFUL EYES.
BEAUTIFUL EYES AND-- - YOU HAVE BEAUTIFUL EYES.
- THANK YOU SO MUCH,
AND I REALLY LIKE YOUR CHEEKBONE STRUCTURE.
- WELL, THANK YOU. THESE ARE ACTUALLY PUT IN.
- OH, SH--
- OH, LOOK, I CAN MOVE THE FILLER.
WORST MOCK DATE EVER.
- SO THIS IS CIRQUE SCHOOL,
WHERE I'M GONNA GET YOU HIGH. - [laughs]
- I'M HERE AT CIRQUE SCHOOL, AND I'M TRYING TO CONTORT
MY BODY INTO DIFFERENT WAYS TO SHOW TO PHIL
THAT I'M MORE THAN JUST A PRETTY FACE,
BEAUTIFUL GREEN EYES, AND AN AMAZING ***.
- HI! IAN, HOW ARE YOU? - HI.
- GOOD. THANK YOU SO MUCH. - HOW DO YOU FEEL?
- GOOD. - HI, WELCOME TO CIRQUE SCHOOL.
SO WE'RE GONNA JUMP ON THE BALLS
AND BUILD SOME HEAT IN THE BODY. - OKAY, ALREADY.
- I KNOW, THAT'S HOW WE HAVE TO START.
- NO SEX BEFORE MONOGAMY.
I CHOSE PHILLIP BECAUSE, "A," HE WAS THE BEST-LOOKING,
AND, "B," OOH.
IS THERE A "B"? I DON'T KNOW.
- WHY DON'T YOU SET YOUR BAGS DOWN?
COME BACK HERE, AND WE'LL START THE BALL WARM-UP, OKAY?
- OKAY, I ALREADY WARMED UP THIS MORNING, THOSE BALLS.
- I'M MOST EXCITED ABOUT GETTING TO KNOW IAN'S CHARACTER
AND HIS PERSONALITY AND, LIKE, HIS INNER DEMEANOR
BECAUSE EVERYBODY PUTS UP A FRONT A LITTLE BIT.
BUT I WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S INSIDE.
- HANDS ON THE KNEES.
WE'RE GONNA DO A LITTLE BIT OF HULA HIPS.
JUST ROCK THE HIPS
FROM SIDE TO SIDE, HANDS ON YOUR KNEES.
- IT'S LIKE I'M TWERKING. - HIPS.
GONNA GO TO JUMPING JACKS,
SO KNEES CLOSED. - YOU'RE DOING A GOOD JOB.
- KNEES CLOSED.
PHILLIP, YOU TOO, KNEES CLOSED.
BETTER. - OH, THIS IS HARD.
- WHOA! - OH!
- GOOD, YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GLAD.
BECAUSE I'M NOT THE ONLY [bleep]HOLE HERE NOW.
- YOU FEEL THE BLOOD GOING, YES? - YEAH, I FEEL MORE THAN BLOOD.
I FEEL MY [bleep] PUKING ABOUT TO HAPPEN.
- HEY, HOW ARE YOU? - HI, I'M GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. GOOD TO SEE YOU. - NICE TO SEE YOU.
- WELL, I GOT THESE FOR YOU BEFORE WE GET STARTED.
MY INTERPRETATION OF PATTI'S ADVICE
FOR ME TO GET OUT THERE, TRY SOMETHING NEW,
AVOID THE CLIFF JUMPING,
SAYS A LOT ABOUT WHAT WE'RE DOING TODAY.
WE HIRED THE BEST--REED'S HERE TO KIND OF TAKE US THROUGH
THE MOTIONS AND COACH US UP. - COOL.
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET STARTED. - THANK YOU.
- MELANIE IS A VERY, VERY ATTRACTIVE WOMAN.
I PLANNED THIS TYPE OF DATE,
TAKING THE SURFING LESSON WITH MELANIE,
'CAUSE I JUST WANTED TO SEE AND GET TO KNOW SOMEBODY GENUINELY,
JUST WANTED TO KEEP IT SIMPLE, KIND OF KEEP IT BASIC,
AND REALLY KEEP THE FOCUS ON GETTING TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER.
ALL RIGHT, SO YOU READY FOR THIS?
- [sighs] I HOPE SO. - WHAT MAKES YOU SO NERVOUS?
- I'M SCARED. - WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?
SCARED OF WHAT? - UM...
FALLING AND HURTING MYSELF, FALLING AND HURTING YOU.
- INTO THE WATER?
[laughter] YOU WON'T HURT ME.
- IF I WERE TO COMPARE JEFF TO THE NORMAL GUYS IN L.A.,
UM, THERE IS A HUGE CONTRAST. [laughs]
CAN YOU DO THIS FOR ME? - YEAH, I GOT YOU, GIRL.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK THERE?
- HAVE AN EASIER TIME GETTING THIS OFF.
- WHAT GIRL WOULDN'T BE EXCITED TO SEE JEFF WITHOUT A SHIRT ON?
ALL RIGHT, SO WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT SURFING'S A METAPHOR
FOR WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR?
- UH... - SOMETHING WET AND WAVY?
- [laughs]
SOME OF THE ADVICE PATTI GAVE ME WAS JUST TO REALLY THINK
AND NOT THINK ABOUT TONIGHT BUT THINK DOWN THE ROAD.
THOSE ARE FOREMOST IN MY MIND RIGHT NOW
AS OPPOSED TO HOW GOOD SHE LOOKS IN A BIKINI.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- I HAVE NEVER SURFED BEFORE IN MY LIFE.
I WAS A GYMNAST, SO MY BALANCE IS GOOD
AND TURNED OUT OKAY.
I'M PRETTY HAPPY WITH IT.
AT LEAST I DIDN'T MAKE AN *** OUT OF MYSELF.
♪ ♪
- I DID AWFUL.
IT WAS SLIGHTLY EMBARRASSING,
BUT SHE KIND OF ROLLED WITH IT, AND SHE NAILED IT.
SHE KILLED IT OUT THERE.
SHE GOT UP, LIKE, PRETTY MUCH EVERY TIME.
- SO DEPENDING ON HOW YOUR DATE GOES,
THERE'S A LOT OF GREAT PARTNER STRETCHING THAT YOU CAN DO.
OBVIOUSLY HE NEEDS THIS. THESE LEGS NEED TO FLATTEN OUT.
- SO I HAVE-- - [belches]
- WHOA! - [laughs]
IT'S OKAY, YOU'RE A GUY. YOU'RE ALLOWED TO BURP.
HERE AND HERE? - UH-HUH.
- OKAY, SO HOW HARD?
- IT'S PRETTY HARD. - [laughs]
- HANDS ON THE KNEES, GOOD. - OKAY.
OH, I KEEP THEM ON THE KNEES?
- YES, HANDS INTO YOUR SHOULDERS.
GREAT. - OKAY.
- YOU'RE GONNA JUMP UP, PHIL. - RIGHT NOW?
- THREE, TWO, ONE, JUMP!
- I WAS WORRIED, AM I GONNA JUST LET ALL OF MY BODY WEIGHT
JUST FALL RIGHT ONTO HIS FACE? [laughs]
- GOD, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME, WOMAN?
- PHIL. - I'M SO SERIOUS!
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?
I PAID FOR THIS NOSE. I CAN'T DO IT AGAIN.
- OH, YOUR NOSE IS FINE. - YOU DID IT.
- I DID IT? - YOU DID IT.
- YES, IT'S DONE. - I DID IT.
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET UP ON THE TRAPEZE, OKAY?
- OKAY.
PHILLIP'S ATTITUDE TOWARDS EVERYTHING
IS, "OH, GOSH DARN IT, YOU CAN DO IT!"
- UH-HUH, SEND THOSE LEGS UP AND AROUND THE ROPES.
YES, LOVEY, THERE YOU GO. - OKAY.
- VERY IMPRESSIVE, OKAY, SLOWLY.
- I NEED YOUR HELP, OKAY. - MM-HMM, GRAB.
- WHAT THE [bleep] AM I DOING? - HERE.
- OKAY. - YOU JUST HOLD THERE.
- WHAT THE HELL IS THIS-- - JUST HOLD.
SLOWLY LIFT YOURSELF INTO-- - OH, MY GOD!
YOU'RE KILLING ME. - SLOW, SLOW, IN CONTROL.
- HOLY [bleep], I'M GONNA-- - OPEN INTO YOUR SPLITS.
- I CAN'T FEEL! - PHIL.
YES, BEAUTIFUL! - OH, OKAY!
- SLOWLY DOWN.
YES! - ARE YOU OKAY?
ARE YOU OKAY? - SO GOOD.
- IT DIDN'T HURT, DID IT? - GORGEOUS.
- WHAT DO YOU CARE? - [laughs]
OKAY. [laughs]
- [groans]
SO FAR, I'M HAVING A GREAT TIME WITH PHILLIP.
HE'S JUST SO POSITIVE!
I'M AN EVIL, HORRIBLE PERSON, AND HE'S LIKE THIS ANGEL,
AND IT'S KILLING ME.
- I LOVE IT. I WANT TO COME BACK FOR CLASSES.
- EXCELLENT. I HOPE THAT-- - HE LIKES EVERYTHING.
- I DO. - [sighs]
- CHEERS. - CHEERS TO YOUR FIRST TIME
SURFING. - THANK YOU, AND TO YOURS.
WAS IT YOURS? - SECOND.
- OH! - EMBARRASSINGLY ENOUGH.
- WAY TO THROW ME UNDER THE BUS. - NO, I SHOULD NOT SAY THAT.
IT SAYS A LOT TO ME THAT MELANIE COULD COME OUT HERE,
DO SOMETHING SHE'S NEVER DONE BEFORE,
HAVE A GOOD TIME WITH IT, AND THEN COME BACK
AND REALLY GET TO HAVE A GOOD CONVERSATION WITH HER.
- SO HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN SINGLE FOR?
- LIKE, FOUR OR FIVE MONTHS. - SO RECENTLY SINGLE.
- HOW ABOUT YOU? - 2 1/2 YEARS SINGLE.
- YOU HAVEN'T HAD A BOYFRIEND IN 2 1/2 YEARS?
- I'VE DATED.
- WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR THEN?
- I WANT TO MEET SOMEONE WHO'S, LIKE, THAT BALANCE
OF, LIKE, THE FRIENDSHIP AND THE BOND AND RESPECT
AND THEN THE PASSION AND THE LOVE AND THE...
ATTRACTION.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
- I THINK PASSION'S GREAT, AND THAT'S WHAT I HAVE TO HAVE.
I THINK I FOLLOW THAT FIRST,
AND THEN THERE'S NOT WHAT YOU SAID YOU WERE LOOKING FOR.
WASTED A COUPLE MONTHS--
- YOU'RE LIKE, "I JUMPED OFF THAT CLIFF AGAIN."
- OR--YEAH, I JUMPED OFF THE CLIFF FIRST
INSTEAD OF CHECKING IT OUT, SO--
- I THINK JEFF TOOK HIS TIME TO GET TO KNOW ME TODAY,
AND I FEEL LIKE HE WAS VERY MASCULINE,
ESPECIALLY UP THERE ON THAT SURFBOARD.
DO SOMETHING WITH THIS?
- EXACTLY.
- WELL, I'M NOT GONNA THROW IT JUST THIS FAR.
[shouts]
- I WAS DEFINITELY NOT EXPECTING MELANIE
TO HAVE THE ARM STRENGTH THAT SHE HAS.
LITTLE EMBARRASSING WHEN I CANNOT CATCH UP TO IT.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO TRAIN
BEFORE THE NEXT TIME WE THROW THE FOOTBALL AROUND.
[rock music]
♪ ♪
- HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD. HOW ARE YOU DOING? - I'M DOING GOOD.
THANK YOU FOR ASKING.
- SO WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO WITH THESE ELEPHANTS?
- [laughs]
- WHY DO YOU LIKE ELEPHANTS SO MUCH?
- ELEPHANTS ARE KIND OF LIKE-- I DON'T KNOW.
THEY'RE CUTE, BUT THEY'RE ALSO, LIKE, VERY LOYAL.
- SO YOU'RE LIKE AN ELEPHANT? - RIGHT.
- I WANT TO HEAR MORE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE.
- THERE'S NOT VERY MANY THINGS THAT I DON'T LIKE.
- WHY?
- 'CAUSE I TRY TO SEE THE GOOD IN EVERYONE.
LIKE, THE GOOD ASPECTS. - WHAT DO YOU SEE GOOD IN ME?
- I SEE THAT YOU ARE A CARING, SINCERE PERSON,
YET YOU PUT UP THIS LITTLE GUARD.
BUT THEN AGAIN, ONCE IT'S SLOWLY DOWN,
YOU'RE WHO YOU ARE.
- I DON'T LIKE THAT YOU KNOW ME SO WELL ALREADY.
IT'S A LITTLE BIT FREAKING ME OUT.
- [laughs]
I'M ATTRACTED TO THE MOMENTS OF SINCERITY.
WHEN HE WAS ABLE TO PUT HIS GUARD DOWN
AND HAVE MOMENTS OF SINCERITY, IT ACTUALLY--I COULD BREATHE.
IT MADE ME LIKE, "OH, OKAY, HE IS A HUMAN.
HE'S NOT A SUPERFICIAL ROBOT."
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT PATTI? - PATTI--
I THINK PATTI IS REALLY TRYING TO HELP ME OUT HERE
BECAUSE SHE SEES A LOT OF ISSUES THAT I HAVE.
I THINK SHE MATCHED US UP WELL, DON'T YOU THINK?
- Y--
- YOU'RE TAKING WAY TOO LONG TO ANSWER THAT.
- [laughs] YOU'RE VERY NICE, YES.
YES.
BUT YOU ALSO HAVE THIS, LIKE-- THIS FRONT THAT YOU KEEP DOING.
- WHAT'S THIS FRONT ABOUT?
- YOU SHOULD REALLY LISTEN TO PATTI
'CAUSE SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT.
- DID SHE PAY YOU TO SAY THAT? - NO, SHE DID NOT.
WHO I AM AS A PERSON
IS THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF IAN, WHICH IS A GOOD THING,
BECAUSE IT'S KIND OF LIKE WE'RE A BATTERY.
LIKE, I'M THE PLUS. HE'S THE MINUS.
AND IT KIND OF JUST GOES.
I KNOW HE WANTS TO BE POSITIVE. HE'S JUST SCARED.
- I'M BEING SINCERE NOW. - MM-HMM.
- I THINK THAT IT WOULD BE NICE IF WE GET TOGETHER AGAIN
AND CONTINUE OUR DEBATES ABOUT ANIMALS.
- OKAY, I WOULD LIKE THAT. - YEAH, ME TOO.
THE THING THAT WAS GOING THROUGH MY MIND
DURING THIS ENTIRE DATE IS,
"PATTI'S A ***, BUT SHE'S RIGHT."
SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO JUST SIT DOWN
AND TALK AND LEARN ABOUT ONE ANOTHER
BECAUSE THAT'S HOW YOU GROW.
SO GIVE ME A HUG 'CAUSE I HAD A GOOD TIME.
- [laughs] THANK YOU. - OKAY.
SO YOU GO FIRST. - OH, OKAY. [laughs]
- COMING UP...
YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT AFTER THIS DATE,
YOU DON'T WANT TO DATE THIS GUY AGAIN?
- JUSTIN, LET'S CALL JEFF OGDEN'S DATE MELANIE.
- YEAH, LET'S DO IT. - HELLO?
- HI, MELANIE. IT'S PATTI AND JUSTIN.
WE'RE CALLING ABOUT YOUR DATE WITH JEFF OGDEN.
- OH, IT WENT SO GOOD. WE WENT TO--
WE MET AT THE BEACH. WE WENT SURFING.
- SURFING. - AND THAT WAS--
WELL, IT WAS MY FIRST TIME, SO I WAS PRETTY NERVOUS.
THE WAVES WERE PRETTY BIG,
BUT I THINK WE BOTH DID PRETTY GOOD.
- SO DO YOU WANT TO GO OUT WITH HIM AGAIN?
- YEAH, I WOULD DEFINITELY SEE HIM AGAIN.
- OKAY, GREAT.
IT SOUNDS LIKE IT WENT WELL. I'M REALLY EXCITED FOR YOU.
- IT DID. THANKS, PATTI. YOU'RE AMAZING.
- OKAY, BYE, MEL.
BYE-BYE. - SEE YA, MEL.
- OKAY, GO GET-- - THAT'S GOOD STUFF.
GO GET MR. NFL. - I'M GONNA GO GRAB HIM.
- YEAH, GO GET HIM.
SO YOU WENT ON A DATE WITH MELANIE--TELL ME EVERYTHING.
- YES, IT WAS GREAT. WE HAD A GREAT, BEAUTIFUL DAY.
- WHAT'D YOU TALK ABOUT?
- TRIED TO DO WHAT YOU WERE SAYING TO DO, YOU KNOW,
ASK ABOUT FUTURE PLANS AND ASK ABOUT WHERE--
WHAT HER VISION WAS AND-- - DID YOU FEEL LIKE,
YOU KNOW, SHE WAS GOING WHERE YOU WERE GOING?
- I THINK WE'RE IN SIMILAR PLACES IN OUR LIVES AND--
- OH, REALLY? - YEAH.
- SO THERE'S A LITTLE BIT OF CHEMISTRY CONNECTION THERE, HUH?
- THERE DEFINITELY WAS. - THAT'S GOOD.
- DID SHE LOOK HOT?
- SHE'S A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN,
BUT I WAS TRYING TO LOOK PAST THAT, PATTI.
- OH, YOU WERE THINKING. - I WAS TRYING TO THINK FIRST.
I WANTED TO, YOU KNOW, EXPLORE--
- YOU WERE ASSESSING THE SITUATION.
YOU DIDN'T WANT TO CLIFF DIVE UNDERNEATH THE WET SUIT.
BUT SHE HAD A REALLY GOOD TIME,
AND SHE CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
- OH, GOOD. THANK YOU. - ALL RIGHT, GIVE ME A HUG.
COME ON. - ALL RIGHT.
- IT SOUNDS LIKE JEFF RODE THE WAVE WITH MELANIE
INSTEAD OF DIVING OFF THE CLIFF.
THIS IS GREAT NEWS.
SO WE'RE GONNA CALL PHILLIP, RIGHT?
- YES, WE HAVE PHIL.
- OKAY, AND WE'RE GONNA SEE
HOW IAN DID ON HIS DATE. [line rings]
- YES. - PHILLIP?
- YES?
- HOW WAS YOUR DATE WITH IAN?
HE WASN'T A SPOILED BRAT?
HE WAS NICE AND SWEET AND CARING ABOUT YOU?
CALLED HIM ON HIS [bleep].
- YEAH. - ALL RIGHT.
ARE YOU GONNA SEE HIM AGAIN?
IF WE MADE HIM A MATCH, HE OWES ME SO MUCH.
WELL, GOOD JOB, PHILLIP. - YAY!
- WE'RE GONNA TALK TO IAN NOW. - OKAY.
- THANKS. - BYE, THANK YOU.
- BYE, PHIL. I JUST--
- GO GET THE MOTHER[bleep]. - I KNOW.
- I KNOW I'M THE BEST, BUT EVEN I HAD MY DOUBTS
THAT I COULD FIND SOMEONE THAT LIKED IAN.
I HAVE TO HEAR WHAT HE SAYS ABOUT HOW THE DATE WENT.
DO YOU NEED A PATCH? - IT'S THE DATING NINJA.
- OKAY. - CHH-CHH, CHH-CHH!
- DID YOU BEHAVE YOURSELF, OR WERE YOU A SPOILED BRAT?
- WELL, I'M MYSELF. I'M VERY--
BUT I HAVE, LIKE, WALLS. I'M GUARDED.
- DID PHILLIP SAY TO YOU, "HEY, LISTEN--
I LIKE YOU, BUT YOU GOTTA GET RID OF THOSE WALLS"?
'CAUSE HE TOLD ME ON THE PHONE HE DID.
- HE DID SAY THAT, BUT I'M GONNA BE HONEST WITH YOU,
IT'S HARD TO PAY ATTENTION TO HIM
BECAUSE HIS VOICE IS SO-- EH.
- YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT AFTER THIS DATE,
YOU DON'T WANT TO DATE THIS GUY AGAIN?
- NO, I DEFINITELY DO. - SO--
- IT WAS A MATCH.
- I'M GETTING A HEADACHE HERE.
DID YOU LIKE YOUR DATE? - I LOVED IT.
I HAD THE BEST TIME EVER.
- DO YOU WANT TO GO OUT WITH HIM AGAIN?
- YES! - DO YOU? ALL RIGHT.
I'LL GIVE YOU ONE HUG, ONE HUG. - YAY!
- YAY!
THE SPOILED BRAT IS DEAD. I'M SO EXCITED.
HOPEFULLY PHIL CAN GET THE KIND AND SINCERE IAN
TO STICK AROUND FOR A LONG TIME.
THINGS COULDN'T BE BETTER THIS WEEK,
EXCEPT I AGREED TO GIVE IAN A HUG.
NEXT ON THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER...
WHAT DO YOU GOT FOR ME THIS WEEK?
- DR. EMIL CHYNN. - OH, MY GOD.
DR. CHYNN IS OUT OF HIS MIND.
- THE DREAM FOR BEAUTY IS VERY CLOSE TO THE DREAM FOR CRAZY.
[laughs]
- I HAVE DANIEL PASSOV.
- WHO'D YOU PICK FOR YOUR MASTER DATE?
- I REALLY LIKE BOTH OF THEM.
- THE *** HAS TO PICK A HOME.
- ARE YOU GUYS ALL FROM L.A.?
- WE'RE ACTUALLY BOTH FROM TEXAS.
- YEAH, IF TEXAS DOESN'T LIKE YOU, THEY SHOOT YOU.
[laughs] SO--
- [gasps] [laughter]
- FOR MORE INFORMATION ON THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER,
GO TO BRAVOTV.COM.