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(John H.) ALL RIGHT, AMERICA. LET'S PLAY BIG BALLS.
LOVE TO THE WORLD!
AAH!
(John A.) THAT'S RIGHT, 24 COMPETITORS
ARE ABOUT TO HIT THE FIELD AND FALL HEADLONG
AAH! OH!
ON THE WORLD'S MOST EXTRAORDINARY OBSTACLE COURSE.
ARE YOU READY?
WE'LL SEE MAGNIFICENT FALLS...
AAH!
ASTONISHING SPILLS...
(grunts)
AND SENSATIONAL TUMBLES.
UHH!
ONLY OUR MIGHTIEST THREE WILL ADVANCE
TO THE MOST CHALLENGING OBSTACLE OF ALL--
THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
THE EPIC COMPETITION BEGINS NOW.
ONE WILL BECOME A CHAMPION, BUT ALL WILL...
WIPEOUT.
(man) ♪ I'M GONNA ROCK OUT ON "WIPEOUT" ♪
HELLO, AMERICA, AND WELCOME TO "WIPEOUT."
I'M JOHN ANDERSON ALONGSIDE JOHN HENSON.
MM.
IT REMINDS ME OF MY DAYS AS A LIFEGUARD--
HOT SUN ON MY SKIN, COOL BREEZE IN MY FACE,
DISTANT SCREAMS FOR HELP... BEST NAPS OF MY LIFE.
DO YOU KNOW I INVENTED
THE WORLD'S FIRST FULLY RECLINING LIFEGUARD CHAIR?
SEE, NOW THAT SOUNDS LIKE A REALLY BAD IDEA.
(chuckles) NOW YOU SOUND LIKE MY BOSS.
NEXT YOU'LL TELL ME I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO SWIM.
NO. JUST GLAD YOU'RE HERE NOW, FOR EVERYBODY'S SAKE.
YOU KNOW, JOHNNY, IT IS ALSO GONNA BE SINK OR SWIM
FOR OUR 24 NEW CONTESTANTS
AS THEY COMPETE FOR $50,000
ON THE GNARLIEST OBSTACLE COURSE EVER DESIGNED--
THE WIPEOUT QUALIFIER.
FIRST UP TODAY, OUR FAN FAVORITE,
WHOO-HOO!
WHERE OUR WELL-TRAINED ATTENDANTS
CAN BUFF OUT YOUR SCRATCHES, BUT MAY LEAVE SOME DENTS.
FROM THERE, IT'S ON TO DRIVER'S ED.
DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT PARKING HERE.
NO AUTOGRAPHS, PLEASE.
AND THEN IT'S ON TO THE JIGGLE-ATOR,
RIGGED TODAY WITH A SAIL.
IT'LL HOIST YOU RIGHT ON YOUR AFT.
AND FINALLY, WE HAVE THE DOUBLE BARREL,
OOH!
YUM! YUM!
OF OUR 24 STARTERS, ONLY THOSE WITH THE 12 BEST TIMES
WILL CONQUER THE QUALIFIER AND MOVE ON TO OUR SECOND ROUND.
THAT SAID, LET'S DIVE INTO THE FUN AND THE FUNNY.
THE THIRD MEMBER OF OUR TEAM IS JILL WAGNER,
AND SHE'S WITH OUR FIRST CONTESTANT.
MARIE GERLACH IS DOWN HERE WITH ME--
MARIE AND ALL OF HER HAIR.
(John H.) HOLY CRYSTAL GAYLE!
I WONDER WHAT ALL HER CATS' NAMES ARE.
MARIE, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN GROWING THAT?
18 YEARS.
DOES IT EVER GET CAUGHT IN THINGS?
UH, SEAT BELTS ARE BAD. DOORWAYS ARE BAD.
MY CAT WILL PLAY WITH IT IF IT'S HANGING OFF THE END OF THE SOFA.
(John H.) DID I CALL THAT OR WHAT?
(John A.) THERE'S THE HORN.
WHOA!
SHE WENT RIGHT FOR THE PRE-RINSE
ON HER WAY TO THE WIPEOUT CAR WASH, JOHNNY.
OUR ATTENDANTS GEARING UP FOR THEIR FIRST CUSTOMER.
I HOPE HE'S PACKING EXTRA CHAMOIS
BECAUSE MARIA'S COMING IN FULLY LOADED.
AAH! HERE I COME!
AAH!
OH, HO HO! THERE YOU GO!
OH, HO!
ALL THE WEIGHT OF HER HAIR PULLING HER INTO THE MUD,
WHERE SHE HAS A GIANT EEL ON HER BACK!
NO, JOHNNY, THAT'S HER HAIR.
ARE YOU SURE?
I REQUESTED EELS WHEN THE BARRACUDAS WERE DENIED.
OOH! HEADS-UP!
I DON'T THINK SHE CAN LIFT HER HEAD
WITH THAT GIANT EEL ON HER BACK,
BUT OUR ATTENDANT DOING HIS BEST TO REMOVE IT FOR HER.
OH, HO HO!
THAT TOWEL RIGHT TO THE HEAD & SHOULDERS.
AAH!
OH! I'D SAY SHE'S SUFFERING FROM BRAID DAMAGE.
OOH!
OH, HO HO! TALK ABOUT HAVING A BAD HAIR DAY.
AAH!
JOHN, MARIE'S STILL CONDITIONING.
I THINK SHE JUST SWALLOWED A 6-FOOT HAIR.
IT'S GONNA TAKE DAYS FOR HER HAIR TO DRY. (chuckles)
NO, JILL, THAT'S WHY I BROUGHT IN THE E.X. 6000...
(whirs)
GUARANTEED TO DRY CONTESTANTS IN UNDER FIVE SECONDS.
REALLY? 'CAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE
THAT'S JUST SORT OF BLOWING THE MUD AROUND,
WELL, I ADAPTED IT FROM MY PROTOTYPE
FOR A NUCLEAR-POWERED CHICKEN CRISPER.
COLD FUSION, JOHN-- NOT AS EASY AS IT SOUNDS.
INTERESTING THEORY.
MARIE WALKING TO THE D.M.V. FOR DRIVER'S ED NOW.
AAH! HER SPINAL COLUMN IS STICKING OUT!
SHE'S REPTILIAN!
COME ON, ANDERSON.
HOW MANY REPTILES DO YOU KNOW WHO CAN FRENCH BRAID?
THEY DON'T HAVE THE THUMBS FOR IT.
WELL, AT LEAST MARIE DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT GETTING HER HAIR STUCK IN A SEAT BELT, JOHN.
OH!
OH, HO HO! WAIT, JOHN. I THINK HER HAIR IS STUCK
BETWEEN THE WHEEL AND THE AIR BAG.
(whooshing, smack)
FROM THESE HAIRY SITUATIONS, JOHNNY. OH!
OH! AIR BAGS--
MORE EFFECTIVE AT HAIR REMOVAL THAN HOT WAX
AND MORE PAINFUL.
AAH!
MARIE NOW WORKING HER WAY UP TO THE BIG BALLS
AFTER THAT BLUNT-FORCE TRAUMA TO THE HAIR.
NOT SURE OF THE UPSIDE OF THIS COMPETITION, JOHNNY.
HER WINNINGS WON'T EVEN COVER HER SHAMPOO COST.
QUICKLY WIPING THE HAIR OUT OF HER MOUTH AND EYES.
AAH!
OH, HO HO!
THE MOTIVATOR GIVING HER A SERIOUS CASE OF SPLIT ENDS.
GET A LOAD OF OUR HAIR CLUB.
SHOW-OFF.
(slo-mo voice) AAH!
MARIE NOW UP TO THE JIGGLE-ATOR.
JOHNNY, PERHAPS THOSE LONG LOCKS WILL HELP HER ON THIS OBSTACLE.
I DON'T KNOW HOW. I'M JUST SAYING.
ADJUST THAT MONSTER BRAID.
WOW!
A SUCCESSFUL HAIR TRANSPLANT. SHE'S ACROSS.
OH!
OH! (speaks indistinctly)
OH, GREAT RECOVERY, MARIE! TAKE A MOMENT NOW.
REGAIN YOUR COMPOSURE.
AAH!
HO HO HO!
HEY, JILL, LET'S MAKE SURE SHE'S OKAY BEFORE WE LAUGH.
SORRY.
ALL RIGHT, SHE'S GREAT. GO TO THE REPLAY.
CHECK IT OUT. HER HAIR GETS FLATTENED.
AAH!
OH!
OH!
ONE MORE OBSTACLE LEFT FOR OUR LONG-HAIRED FRIEND--
THE DOUBLE BARREL.
AND, JOHN, TO GO WITH ALL THAT FROSTING,
I BROUGHT IN DOUGHNUTS FOR THE CREW.
HOPE THEY DON'T MIND THAT THEY'RE FROM MARCH... OF 2008.
OH!
AAH! INGRATES! WHO KNEW THEY HAD SUCH DISCERNING PALATES?
EXCUSE ME, WAITER?
THIS DOUGHNUT HAS A HAIR ON IT.
LOOKS LIKE THIS RAPUNZEL'S ABOUT TO--MM!
LETS HERSELF DOWN.
JOHN, HOW MUCH MORE CAN SHE TAKE?
ALMOST MADE IT! OH!
(laughs)
AH HA! APPARENTLY, NO MORE.
WELL, JOHN, WE MIGHT HAVE A RIOT ON OUR HANDS.
THEY WANT THEIR WIPEOUTS. QUICK! GIVE 'EM A REPLAY!
(crowd cheering and whistling)
WHEW. THAT WAS CLOSE.
MARIE BANGS OUT A TIME OF MORE THAN 8 MINUTES.
I MEAN, THAT'S OKAY, BUT SHE'S PROBABLY NOT GONNA MAKE THE CUT.
(coughs)
UH-OH. HAIRBALL.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S HEAD BACK TO THE TOP OF THE COURSE
FOR 18 YEAR OLD DANIEL RAMOS.
ARE YOU READY FOR ME TO PLAY SOME MUSIC, MAN?!
DUDE, I'M ALWAYS READY FOR A MIND-BLOWING TUNE AND--
ROCK OUT, MAN. JILL?
THANK YOU.
GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
I'M GOOD. WHAT IS THIS, DANIEL?
THIS IS CALLED A MELODICA.
I BLOW IN IT AND THEN I PLAY NOTES.
OKAY. ARE YOU GOOD.?
YOU COULD SAY THAT. YEAH. WANT ME TO PLAY SOMETHING?
WELL, OF COURSE I DO. OF COURSE I DO.
(playing various notes)
MM. I THINK THIS THING'S BROKEN.
(John H.) WOW! THAT DIDN'T SUCK.
IT BLEW. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
(John A.) LET'S PICK UP RHYTHM & BLOWS
YEAH, I'M NOT SO SURE ABOUT THAT, DANIEL.
I'M HOPING HE CAN PLAY THE COURSE
ABOUT AS WELL AS HE CAN PLAY THAT PIANO FLUTE.
AAH!
OHH!
OH!
EE! NOW THE PISTON TICKLING HIS IVORIES.
AAH!
OH, HO HO! THAT HIT A MAJOR CHORD.
LOOKS LIKE THE AIR BAG'S
DROPPING A LITTLE SYNCOPATION ON DANIEL.
JOHNNY, LET'S KEEP THE JAMS PUMPIN'
AS WE MOVE FROM AN ASPIRING MUSICIAN
TO AN EXPIRING MUSICIAN--
53 YEAR OLD TOD HOWARTH.
♪ I'M GONNA ROCK OUT ON "WIPEOUT" ♪
♪ I'M GONNA ROCK OUT ♪
♪ I'M GONNA ROCK OUT ♪
WHOO!
I LOVE THIS GUY! (amplified voice) WHOO!
WHOO!
WHOO!
WHOO!
WHOO!
OH! YOU GOT DISSED.
(air horn blows)
DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY, JOHNNY.
LOOKS LIKE TOD'S ROCKIN' ON FUMES.
BUT LOOK AT THAT STAGE PRESENCE.
HE MOVES LIKE A MAN ONE-THIRD HIS AGE.
YEAH. MOST ROCKERS COULD USE
A THOROUGH SCRUBBING FROM THE CAR WASH.
OOH, HOO HOO!
OH! I DON'T THINK THAT'S THE FIRST TIME
HE'S BEEN WASHED UP EITHER.
YEAH, HE'S GOT THE LOOK OF BRET MICHAELS...
AND THE COORDINATION OF OZZY OSBOURNE.
TRUE, BUT THERE'S A COST TO BEING A LEGEND, JOHNNY,
AS JILL FOUND OUT EARLIER.
WHAT'S THE WILDEST THING YOU'VE EVER SEEN, BEING A ROCK STAR?
UH...
UH...
YOU'VE GOTTA HAVE SOME SORT OF A STORY.
YEAH. WELL... UH...
(John A.) IT'S OKAY, JILL. THE ROAD CAN TAKE ITS TOLL,
AND SOUNDS LIKE TOD HAS PAID A LOT OF TOLLS.
TOD GONNA ROCK OUT WITH HIS LOCKS OUT ON THE DOUBLE BARREL.
OH!
(laughs) THAT'S LOOKING LIKE A KEITH RICHARDS STAGE DIVE.
(laughs) ROCK ON, TOD.
(chanting) TOD! TOD! TOD! TOD!
TOD GOES STAGE-DIVING,
BUT DOESN'T QUITE REACH THE CROWD.
AW.
OLD MAN ROCKER MAY BE UNPLUGGED,
BUT THIS NONSTOP ROCK BLOCK KEEPS ROLLING.
WE GOT PLENTY MORE ACTS IN THE WIPEOUT-PALOOZA LINEUP....
OH! OPENING WITH GOOEY LEWIS...
EESH!
AAH! THEN FLING AGAINST THE MACHINE...
AAH!
OH, HO HO! FOLLOWED BY ERIC SLAPTON...
AHA!
AND TOAD THE WET CONTESTANT.
EVEN MOTHER-OF-FOUR CARRIE SPARKS
IS ROCKING SOME CRAZY TATTOOS.
SHE MUST BE A ROADIE.
OH!
OH, HO! THAT WAS LILITH UNFAIR.
TOURING LIFE'S A GRIND, JOHNNY.
CARRIE'S LUXURY BUS NOW AT DRIVER'S ED. OH!
OH, HO HO! WELCOME TO OWS-FEST.
YEAH, WITH ALL THIS CRAZINESS, IT'S A GOOD THING
WE HAVE A MOTIVATOR HERE FOR CROWD CONTROL.
AH!
PLEASE STEP AWAY FROM THE BIG BALLS.
AH!
OH! THE CONTESTANT HAS LEFT THE BUILDING.
OH, HO HO!
NEVER SEEN SUCH A HARD-CORE GROUP OF HEADBANGERS.
I KNOW. I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET THE NEXT DARK LORD OF METAL.
(chanting) "WIPEOUT" IS AWESOME!
GREAT BIG FALLS! GREAT BIG FALLS! GO, "WIPEOUT"!
THAT'S NOT ROCK. THAT'S NOT EVEN A PEBBLE.
(air horn blows)
OH!
IT FIGURES A MOM WOULD BUST UP MY AWESOME ROCK PARTY.
TIME TO LET THAT GO, JOHNNY.
OUR CHEERING MOM--SHE'S GOT SOME PEP IN HER STEP
AS SHE RUSHES INTO THE CAR WASH.
FOUR KIDS, HUH? SO SHE'S A CHEERLEADER
AAH!
OH, HO!
WHOA, HO HO! AND IT LOOKS LIKE SHE SOILED HER UNIFORM.
THAT'S OKAY. MOMS ARE GREAT AT LAUNDRY.
BUT SHE'S GONNA NEED SOME EXTRA CHEER FOR THIS LOAD.
BACK UP, NOW DOING A HERKIE UP THE STAIRS,
DODGING TOWELS.
YEAH, NOT LOVING THAT LOCKER ROOM ATMOSPHERE.
THAT TASTES DISGUSTING!
WELL, NOW YOU KNOW HOW YOUR KIDS FEEL ABOUT YOUR MEAT LOAF.
I CAN'T SEE! AAH!
OOH! I THINK SHE NEEDS A SPOTTER, JOHN.
NEVER SAW THAT COMING.
FORTUNATELY, WE DID.
CHEER MOM JUST GOT GROUNDED.
CHEER MOM LOOKING AS TIRED AS A MOTHER OF FOUR.
SHE MOVES ON TO DRIVER'S ED.
THIS ISN'T LIKE GETTING BEHIND THE WHEEL
OF THE OLD CAR POOL FOR TRAVEL SOCCER.
MM!
(chants) DRIVE DEFENSIVE! DRIVE, DRIVE DEFENSIVE!
WHOO-HOO!
AND THAT'S 34 YEAR OLD VINNY DONADIO.
YEAH! GREAT SCOTT! I'M GONNA BE ON "WIPEOUT."
IF MY CALCULATIONS ARE CORRECT,
YOU'RE GONNA SEE SOME SERIOUS STUFF.
UH, JILL?
WHAT'S WITH THIS OUTFIT?
I'M SORT OF, UH, OBSESSED WITH "BACK TO THE FUTURE."
I LOVE THAT MOVIE!
EXCELLENT. YEAH, I'M, UH, DOC BROWN,
TIME TRAVEL ENTHUSIAST.
ALL RIGHT. CAN YOU SOUND LIKE HIM?
(imitates Christopher Lloyd as Doc Brown) WELL, GREAT SCOTT!
IT WAS VERY NICE TO MEET YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
(John H.) OKAY, BUT CAN YOU SOUND LIKE HIM?
I THINK HE JUST WENT BACK TO A FUTURE
(grunts)
WELL, HE'S MAKING TIME ON THE JIGGLE-ATOR, JOHNNY,
ALSO KNOWN AS OUR FLUX INCAPACITATOR.
OH, HO!
OH! LOOK AT HIM MOVE!
THIS IS NOT YOUR FATHER'S SOCK HOP.
IS HE GONNA MAKE IT OVER OR JUST FADE OUT OF THE PICTURE?
WHAT IS HE DOING?
COME ON. HELLO!
McFLY? ANYBODY HOME?
OH!
OH! HE BIFFED THAT ONE.
OUR JIGGLE-ATOR SENDS HIM OFF
TO THE ENCHANTMENT UNDER THE SEA DANCE.
OH! OH! AAH!
VINNY OUT OF THE WATER, BACK TO HIS FEET.
HEADING TOWARDS OUR DOUBLE BARREL, RUNNING.
HE'S GAINING SPEED TO 88.8 MILES AN HOUR.
HOLY COW!
WHERE'D HE GO?
I THINK YOU MEAN WHEN DID HE GO?
OKAY, FINE. WHEN DID HE GO?
I HAVE NO IDEA,
BUT WHERE HE'S GOING, HE DOESN'T NEED WIPEOUTS.
YOU STAY TUNED. WE WILL RETURN A FEW MINUTES IN THE FUTURE
WITH A LOT MORE INCREDIBLE WIPEOUTS.
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
WELCOME BACK TO "WIPEOUT." I AM JOHN ANDERSON,
SHOULDER-TO-SHOULDER HERE WITH JOHN HENSON.
THE COHOST WITH THE CO-MOST. AND WE CAN'T WAIT
TO CO-MMENCE CO-MMENTATING ON OUR CO-MPETITORS.
CO-RRECT.
WHAT ARE YOU, A CO-MEDIAN?
DON'T PATRONIZE ME.
I'M NOT. I'M CO-NDESCENDING.
I THOUGHT YOU UNDERSTOOD THIS GAME.
MM. YEAH, SO THE ONLY WAY TO WIN IS NOT TO PLAY...
WHICH IS THE OPPOSITE OF "WIPEOUT."
SO LET'S GET RIGHT BACK TO THE GAME
AND SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING AT THE TOP OF THE CO-URSE.
AH! I DON'T CARE.
AMERICA!
COULD YOU BE MORE SPECIFIC?
DO YOU...
GOT...
100 BUCKS HE SAYS "RAMBOW."
RAMBOW!
UH-OH. LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOT RAMBOW.
MAYBE JILL CAN FIND OUT WHY
(Ballsy laughing)
I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE THAT'S HIS LAST... NAME.
SO IS THAT REALLY YOUR NAME? TIM RAMBOW?
YES, IT IS, JILL. YES, IT IS.
ALL RIGHT. BACK TO YOU GUYS.
(air horn blows)
THE HEADBAND, THE SKILLS.
PFFT!
OH. WELL, HE'S GOT THE NAME AND THE HEADBAND.
(imitating Sylvester Stallone as John Rambo) I'M RAMBO.
I'M HERE TO SAVE THE P.O.W.s.
HAS ANYBODY SEEN THE P.O.W.s?
WELL, JOHN, THE ENTRY RAMP DEFINITELY DREW FIRST BLOOD,
BUT RAMBOW'S HERE LOOKING FOR P.O.W.s,
AND HE'S DEFINITELY GONNA...
(normal voice) OOH.
PFFT! WIMP OUT AND DIVE FOR COVER AGAIN.
OH, YEAH! DEEP IN THE MUD!
NO, IT'S RAMBOW, JOHNNY. HE BLENDS IN WITH THE ELEMENTS.
IT WAS A GREAT MOVE. NOW NOBODY CAN SEE HIM.
OH!
YEAH!
DON'T GIVE UP ON HIM, JOHNNY. HE CAN FIND THE P.O.W.s
IF HE JUST FINDS THE TRAPDOOR.
(grunts)
OH, HO HO! FOUND I!
(imitating Rambo) OVER HERE, P.O.W.s.
(speaks indistinctly)
(normal voice) WELL, THIS IS RAMBOW, JOHN.
HE CAN TAKE THE SETBACK. HE CAN TAKE THE TORTURE.
HE'LL NEVER CRACK NO MATTER--
AHH!
OH! SO WHO'S GOT RAMBOW NOW?
PROBABLY THE BIG BALLS, JOHN.
DO YOU GOT RAMBOW, BIG BALLS?
IT'S A RED, RUBBER JUNGLE OUT THERE, JOHNNY.
'CAUSE I DO!
BUT WHAT YOU CALL BIG BALLS, HE CALLS HOME.
BIG BALLS! AAH!
OOH!
OH! DA NANG, MAN!
HE LANDED WITH QUITE A P.O.W.
(slo-mo voice) OH!
YEAH, THAT'S "POW," JOHN.
I KNOW, BUT THAT'S NOT FUNNY.
TIM NOW READY TO SET SAIL ON THE JIGGLE-ATOR.
EASILY ONTO THAT FIRST PLATFORM.
CAREFUL HERE, JOHN.
SHAKING RAMBOW ONLY MAKES HIM ANGRY,
AND YOU WOULDN'T LIKE HIM WHEN HE'S ANGRY.
YEAH, THAT'S THE HULK. ANGRY OR NOT,
HE'S ON TO THE SECOND PLATFORM. GETTING TO HIS FEET.
MAKES THE LEAP.
OH!
OH! RAMBOW BACK IN THE WATER.
YEAH, OUR JIGGLE-ATOR IS
SHAKING EVERYTHING BUT RAMBOW'S RESOLVE.
I'M COMING FOR YA!
HEY, I THOUGHT HE WAS DOING THIS FOR HIS COUNTRY.
OH, NO! NOT THE CHINESE DOUGHNUT TORTURE!
WOW!
OOH, HOO HOO! RAMB-OWNED.
RAMBOW'S TOUR OF DUTY WAS PRETTY BRUTAL,
AND BOUND TO CAUSE SOME SERIOUS FLASHBACKS.
YEAH! WHOO!
IT'S LIKELY WE WILL SEE RAMBOW PART 2 IN THE NEXT ROUND.
WHOO.
LET'S HEAD BACK UP TO THE CAR WASH
WHERE ANDREW BARTON IS PULLING IN.
HE IS AN ONLINE POKER PLAYER.
BIG DEAL. I USED TO BE AN ONLINE M.M.A. FIGHTER.
SEE HOW FAR THAT GROUND AND POUND GOT ME.
OH, HO HO!
(speaks indistinctly)
SO SHOW ME YOUR ONLINE FACE WHEN YOU'RE BLUFFING.
(John H.) OH, MAN.
WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOU HAVE A FULL HOUSE?
(John H.) THESES ARE THE WORST ONLINE POKER FACES EVER!
WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOU'RE CHEATING?
(John H.) THIS GUY COULDN'T BE EASIER TO READ
IF HE CAME WITH FLASH CARDS.
OH, MY GOD. ALL RIGHT.
WELL, WE'RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT IF ANDREW'S A JACK-OF-ALL-TRADES...
OR A JOKER HERE ON THE BIG BALLS.
BIG BALLS.
AH!
JOKER!
THE BIG BALLS JUST WIPED THAT NON-EXPRESSION
RIGHT OFF HIS P-P-POKER FACE.
I GUESS ANDREW FORGOT THAT NOTHING BEATS
FOUR BALLS OF A KIND, JOHNNY.
LET'S HEAD BACK UP TO THE TOP.
THERE'S 21 YEAR OLD JESSICA BRAVO.
HELLO?
"WIPEOUT," ARE YOU READY?
EASY THERE, JESSICA.
(air horn blows)
THERE'S THE HORN. HA!
JESSICA SLIDING DOWN THE RAMP.
THE CAR WASH CREW EAGERLY AWAITING MRS. BRAVO'S BUSINESS.
LOOK AT HER MOVE, JOHNNY! SHE IS RUNNING UP HER PHONE BILL.
NICE!
CALL FAILED!
"SORRY, I'M SUBMERGED IN MUD RIGHT NOW
AND CAN'T TAKE YOUR CALL."
FOOT PHONE NOW OUT OF THAT MUD AND GETTING A SIGNAL BACK.
YEAH, A SIGNAL THAT SHE SHOULD QUIT WHILE SHE'S AHEAD.
OH, HO HO! MAKE THAT IN THE HEAD!
AAH! AAH!
FOOT PHONE ENROLLING IN DRIVER'S ED.
NOW SHE'LL NEED A HANDS-FREE DEVICE.
GOOD NEWS ABOUT FOOT PHONES IS THERE'S NO RADIATION.
AH!
BAD NEWS? THE CONSTANT FALLING.
NIPPED IN THE EARBUDS. HEY, FOOT PHONE, HANG UP AND DRIVE!
RETURNING TO THE HEAD OF THE COURSE, JOHN,
ONE OF OUR YOUNGEST COMPETITORS--
SHOULD I DO A SOMERSAULT?
(amplified voice) IT'S YOUR CHOICE, CHRISTINA.
OH, OKAY.
SHOULD I STAND BACK THERE?
AGAIN, THIS IS YOUR TIME, BUT YOU'RE TAKING A LOT OF IT,
SO HURRY UP AND SAY SOMETHING INTERESTING.
I'M GONNA DO A SOMERSAULT AND THEN SAY IT.
OH, MY GOD.
CHRISTINA NOT SO GOOD
WITH THE WHOLE MAKING DECISIONS THING,
OH.
ALL RIGHT, UH, CHRISTINA, WHAT DO YOU DO?
UH, RIGHT NOW, I AM A STUDENT...
BUT I CAN'T QUITE DECIDE ON MY MAJOR.
MY MAJOR CHANGES ABOUT EVERY WEEK OR SO.
ALL RIGHT YOU GONNA BE INDECISIVE ON OUR COURSE?
I'M GONNA MAKE UP MY MIND.
ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE GONNA MAKE UP YOUR MIND?
200%.
100%.
100%. OH, SEE, IT WAS 200%. NOW IT'S 100%.
(John A.) HOW'S THAT?
WELL, I HAD A MINOR IN PSYCHOLOGY
AND MAJOR PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS.
CHRISTINA GETTING THE FULL SERVICE TREATMENT
FROM OUR CAR WASH.
YEAH, I HOPE IT COMES WITH A RAINY DAY GUARANTEE.
OH, HO HO!
OH, HA HA! CHRISTINA MAY BE UNDECLARED,
BUT WE'VE MADE OUR DECISION ON THE BEST OBSTACLE OF THE DAY.
EVERYBODY'S GETTING WORKED OVER AT THE WIPEOUT CAR WASH.
OHH!
OH, HO HO!
(grunts)
GETTING HOSED...
OHH! WAXED...
OOH!
OOH! POLISHED...
AAH!
DEGREASED AND REGREASED.
OHH!
'CAUSE HERE AT "WIPEOUT,"
WE ARE DETAIL-ORIENTED,
AND THE DEVIL'S IN THE DETAILS,
WHICH OUR FINAL CONTESTANT OF THE QUALIFIER, MARK HOLWICK,
IS ABOUT TO LEARN FROM THE BIG BALLS.
UH, COME AGAIN?
THE MAN'S OCCUPATION IS BODYGUARD, JOHN.
AAH!
OHH! HEY, WHO BODYGUARDS THE BODYGUARD?
GOOD ONE, BUT YOU KNOW,
I THINK JILL'S ACTUALLY BEEN LOOKING FOR A BODYGUARD.
HOW ARE YOU GONNA PROTECT ME? WE'RE OUT. WE'RE AT A CLUB.
UH, LIKE, A MILLION FANS ARE TRYING TO GET TO ME.
SO, OKAY, LET'S-- LET'S DO A LITTLE MOCK.
OKAY, SO...
OH, MY GOSH.
LIKE, THERE'S TONS OF
PEOPLE THAT LOVE ME.
AND--
OH, MY GOD. (laughs)
(John H.) YEAH, THERE'S A FINE LINE BETWEEN BODYGUARD
(high-pitched voice) JILL! JILL, TURN THIS WAY!
LOOK THIS WAY!
AW, I JUST WANTED ONE OF HER TEETH FOR A NECKLACE.
(John A.) MARK THE BODYGUARD--
HE'S PACKING AND STEPPING INTO THE DOUBLE BARREL.
THIS THING HAS MORE HIGHS AND LOWS THAN WHITNEY HOUSTON.
MARK AT THE END OF THE ROTATION.
OHH!
THAT'S MY BODYGUARD.
THE BODYGUARD ELBOWING THROUGH THE COMPETITION,
AND HE WILL MOVE ON...
WITH A TIME OF 3:31.
ALSO ADVANCING-- RHYTHM & BLOWS DANIEL RAMOS,
CHEER MOM SUSANNAH HARPER,
AND VINCENT "DOC BROWN" DONADIO.
(Vincent) GREAT SCOTT! I'M GONNA BE ON "WIPEOUT"!
AND THEN THERE'S TIM RAMBOW
AND FOOT PHONE JESSICA BRAVO.
(Jessica) HELLO?
DON'T GO ANYWHERE, AMERICA.
OHH!
OUR CONTESTANTS ARE GONNA BE EXPOSED
TO SOME "WIPEOUT" CARNAGE.
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
HELLO, AMERICA, AND WELCOME BACK TO "WIPEOUT"...
WHERE WELL-BEHAVED SMACK WALLS SELDOM MAKE HISTORY.
I'M GLAD YOU ASKED, JOHN.
MM.
A BUMPER STICKER BUSINESS ON THE SIDE, SO...
I PRINTED OUT SOME DEMOS AT GREAT PERSONAL EXPENSE.
TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK. "MY OTHER RIDE IS A BIG BALL."
YEAH.
"CAUTION-- I BRAKE FOR JOHN ANDERSON."
OOH, GIVE ME THAT FOR MY MOM.
"BALLSY IS MY COPILOT."
TESTIFY.
AND, UH, BY THE WAY, THE BEST PART--
I'VE ALREADY PUT THEM ALL OVER YOUR CAR.
DON'T WORRY.
YOU CAN STILL TOTALLY SEE OUT THE FRONT WINDSHIELD.
I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH... SO I WON'T.
BUT HERE'S SOMETHING THAT'S GONNA THROW YOU, AMERICA.
WE ARE ABOUT TO SEE A WHOLE LOT OF BUMPING,
AS THE 12 SURVIVORS OF THE QUALIFIER FACE
THE NEXT DAUNTING CHALLENGE.
WE CALL THIS ONE TOTAL CARNAGE.
HERE'S HOW IT WORKS. OUR 12 CONTESTANTS
(thuds)
ELEVATED 10 FEET ABOVE THE WATER.
THE GOAL IS SIMPLE--
TO MAKE IT AROUND TO THE FINISH PLATFORM.
(high-pitched voice) WHOO-HOO!
CONTESTANTS--THEY HAVE TO LEAP FROM PLATFORM TO PLATFORM
WHILE NAVIGATING OVER OUR WHIRLING CRANKSHAFT...
AAH!
WHOO-HOO!
THE FIRST SIX TO MAKE IT TO THE FINISH
MOVE ON TO THE NEXT ROUND.
12 STILL IN THE HUNT. AMONG THEM,
RHYTHM & BLOWS DANIEL RAMOS,
CHEER MOM SUSANNAH HARPER,
AND VINCENT "DOC BROWN" DONADIO.
(Vincent) YOU'RE GONNA SEE SOME SERIOUS STUFF!
ALSO POKER FACE ANDREW BARTON,
UNDECLARED CHRISTINA WILSON...
(Christina) 200%.
AND BODYGUARD MARK HOLWICK.
BEFORE WE BEGIN, ANY FINAL THOUGHTS?
UH...
"YOU TOUCHA MY CAR, I BREAKA YOUR BIG BALLS"?
PLEASE KEEP YOUR DAY JOB.
IN THE MEANTIME, LET THE CARNAGE BEGIN.
(cheering)
YEAH, THIS IS SO INTIMIDATING.
DON'T BE INTIMIDATED.
JUST THINK OF IT AS A BIG JUNGLE GYM...
FOR NAVY SEALs.
OHH!
YOU WANT IT, RAMBOW?
YOU GOT IT.
WELCOME TO HECK.
ARE YOU READY FOR SOME MASS CARNAGE?
(air horn blows)
(woman) OH, WHAT THE HELL?
(man) OHH!
AAH!
LOOK AT DOC BROWN... (chuckles)
TAKING A TRIP BACK IN TIME.
OHH.
RAMBOW OUT IN FRONT, FACING THE CRANKSHAFT.
OHH!
OH!
WHOA!
GET TAKEN OUT AS HE GOES.
YEAH, THE RINGS GOT THIS PARTY STARTED...
OHH!
BUT THE CRANKSHAFT SHUT THE PARTY DOWN.
OHH!
RHYTHM & BLOWS DANIEL RAMOS.
I WONDER IF MUSIC WILL SOOTHE THE SAVAGE CRANKSHAFT.
OHH!
OHH! HE GETS PLAYED, AS DOES FOOT PHONE
AND THE HAVOC JUST CONTINUES...
BACK AT THE STARTING LINE.
CHEER MOM GOT A TASTE OF THIS ONE,
WHICH CHEERS UP THE COMPETITION. WHAT A GIVING SOUL.
POKER FACE ANDREW BARTON OUT IN FRONT.
OHH!
WHILE THE REST OF THE STARTING PLATFORM...
GETS CLEANED OFF.
NOW OUR BODYGUARD MARK HOLWICK BRUTE FORCING
HIS WAY OVER THE CRANKSHAFT.
MOVING QUICKLY, TRYING TO GET OUT AS FAR AS HE CAN
AAH! NO!
OH, HE'S DENIED!
AAH!
OH! SHE GETS NOSE-RINGED.
POKER FACE OUT TO A BIG CHIP LEAD,
CLOSING IN ON THE FINISH.
HE GOES HEADS-UP WITH THE CRANKSHAFT...
MM, YA HA HA!
OHH, NO! HE TAKES A BAD BEAT. AT LEAST HE GOT A FREE DRINK.
STILL NOBODY THROUGH TO THE FINISH.
ALL SIX SPOTS REMAIN OPEN.
AND I'M SURE THE BODYGUARD WOULD LOVE TO TAKE ONE OF THOSE.
GETS PAST THE RINGS, MOVING SWIFTLY.
THE CRANKSHAFT THREATENING HIS RUN.
AND HE'S CLEARED THAT. ONE STEP TO GO.
YEAH!
IT HAS A BODYGUARD.
THERE ARE STILL FIVE SPOTS
AND A SLEW OF FOLKS PURSUING 'EM...
LED BY RAMBOW, WHO IS CAPTURED BY THE LETTER "O."
OH!
POKER FACE RAISING THE STAKES AT THE CRANKSHAFT.
AAH! BLUFF THIS!
ROADIE AND CHEER MOM ARE DOWN.
AH, RHYTHM & BLOWS AND UNDECLARED CHRISTINA WILSON
NOW, TOO.
AND FOOT PHONE OUT!
WOW! IT ALL STARTED WITH OUR POKER FACE, JOHN.
I'M SURE HE CAN APPRECIATE
THE CRANKSHAFT'S UNIQUE AND RARE SIX OF A KIND.
THAT IS THE MOST ELUSIVE HAND IN GO FISH.
DOC BROWN NOW SANS JACKET.
OH, NO!
OH, HO HO! (imitates Doc Brown) JUMPIN' JIGAWATTS!
HERE COMES RAMBOW OUT OF THE JUNGLE, TAKING THE LEAD.
(normal voice) HE'S GROWN BEYOND OUR CONTROL, JOHN.
HE LOOKS UNSTOPPABLE.
THE RINGS BUMPING OFF HIM THIS TIME.
I THINK HE IS HOME FREE.
OH!
OHH!
A BLAST OF WATER SENDS HIM BACK TO THE START.
RAMBOW MADE A HEROIC LEAP AT THE VERY END,
BUT THE EFFORT JUST NOT REWARDING.
WELL, ADVERSITY IS ALL HE'S EVER KNOWN.
FOOT PHONE NOW OUT IN FRONT,
TRYING TO MAKE THAT CONNECTION WITH THE NEXT ROUND.
OH! PLEASE! I LOVE YOU!
PLEADING HER CASE, BUT I DON'T THINK
AAH!
AH!
RHYTHM & BLOWS STILL JAMMING ALONG.
AH, HA HA!
HE HOLDS ON TO PLAY US ANOTHER TUNE.
HE MAY WANT TO PICK UP THE TEMPO.
HE'S GOT THE REST OF THE PACK RIGHT BEHIND HIM.
RHYTHM & BLOWS 6/8 TEMPO THROUGH THE RINGS.
GO! GO!
LEAPING FOR THE FINISH...
YEAH!
RHYTHM & BLOWS IS TAKING A MUSICAL CHAIR
TO THE NEXT ROUND.
SO THAT'S TWO THROUGH, FOUR SPOTS TO GO.
CHEER MOM TRYING TO TAKE ONE OF 'EM.
NO!
OH, HO!
BRICKA BRACKA FIRECRACKA, SIS BOOM BAH!
PLEASE DON'T SHOOT ME!
CHEER MOM, CHEER MOM, RAH RAH RAH!
AND SHE IS THROUGH, JOHNNY!
AND UNDECLARED CHRISTINA WILSON
CAN ALSO COMMIT TO THE NEXT ROUND.
DOWN TO JUST TWO SPOTS NOW. WHO WANTS THEM?
NO!
CRANKSHAFT! HA HA!
WOW! I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WORSE, JOHNNY--
BEING ON NATIONAL TELEVISION AND HAVING THIS HAPPEN,
OR US FORGETTING WHO YOU ARE.
DOC BROWN AND RAMBOW HAVING AN '80s MOVIE STANDOFF.
BUT CRANKSHAFT MORE OF A BREAKFAST CLUB" GUY.
BRING IT, RINGS!
RAMBOW ATTEMPTING TO STRIKE FEAR INTO THE HEART OF THE RINGS,
BUT LITTLE DOES HE KNOW...
(imitates Sylvester Stallone) THEY HAVE NO HEART.
NOW HE'S CLEAR TO THE FINISH.
(normal voice) AND WITH GUNS BLAZIN',
HE IS ON TO THE NEXT ROUND.
(gunfire)
(imitates Sylvester Stallone) "WIPEOUT"!
I JUST WANT THE CRANKSHAFT TO LOVE ME AS MUCH AS I LOVE IT.
AND WITH THAT, ONLY THE SIXTH SPOT REMAINS.
SEVERAL COMPETITORS TRYING TO CHASE DOWN POKER FACE.
(normal voice) IS HE GONNA GO ALL-IN OR FOLD?
THEY'RE CLOSING IN ON HIM FROM BEHIND.
(cheering)
POKER FACE IS SHAKING HIS MONEYMAKER IN THE NEXT ROUND,
AND IT LOOKS LIKE TOTAL CARNAGE HAS DONE ITS JOB.
(Jill) YOU'RE MOVING ON! CONGRATULATIONS!
YES, THEY ARE, AND A LOOK AT THE FINAL SIX, JILL--
THE BODYGUARD MARK HOLWICK, RHYTHM & BLOWS DANIEL RAMOS...
(Daniel plays notes)
AND CHEER MOM SUSANNAH HARPER.
AS WELL AS UNDECLARED CHRISTINA WILSON,
(gunfire)
AND POKER FACE ANDREW BARTON.
DON'T GO ANYWHERE, AMERICA. WHEN WE COME BACK,
WE ARE TAKING A LITTLE DETOUR THAT YOU WON'T WANNA MISS.
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
WELCOME BACK TO "WIPEOUT."
IT IS ABOUT TIME FOR OUR CONTESTANTS TO HIT THE ROAD.
(gasps) OOH, EXCITING! I LOVE TRAVELING!
YEAH, ACTUALLY, THEY'LL BE HITTING
A HAZARDOUS HYDRAULIC SPEEDWAY
WHILE IT'S STILL UNDER CONSTRUCTION.
WE CALL IT DETOUR.
OH, EXCITING! I LOVENOT BEING A CONTESTANT!
HERE'S HOW IT WORKS. THREE ROUNDS OF DETOUR.
FIRST, ALL SIX CONTESTANTS WILL DRIVE INTO THE CONSTRUCTION ZONE
AND MANEUVER PAST NOT ONE BUT TWO STREET SWEEPERS.
AFTER THAT, THEY MUST SAFELY CROSS
OH!
AND FINALLY IT'S A TRIP ACROSS BOTH ROCKING ROADBLOCKS
OH, YEAH!
FIRST CONTESTANT THROUGH IN EACH ROUND
ADVANCES THROUGH TO THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
SIX CONTESTANTS REMAIN,
AND THEY ARE THE BODYGUARD MARK HOLWICK,
RHYTHM & BLOWS DANIEL RAMOS...
(Daniel) MUSIC MAN!
AND CHEER MOM SUSANNAH HARPER.
ALSO, UNDECLARED CHRISTINA WILSON,
RAMBOW-- YOU KNOW, TIM RAMBOW--
AND LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST,
POKER FACE ANDREW BARTON.
WOW. TODAY I'M ACTUALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO POTHOLES.
GOTTA LOVE THAT CRUMBLING INFRASTRUCTURE.
YEAH, ALL THE DANGER OFF-ROADING
AND YOU NEVER ACTUALLY HAVE TO LEAVE THE PAVEMENT.
LET'S PUT IT IN GEAR, JOHNNY, AND GET GOING.
THIS GROUNDBREAKING NEW COURSE IS SPONSORED BY BALLSY & SONS.
(jackhammer pounding)
HE SHOULD REALLY BE WEARING SOME GOGGLES, I THINK.
THE HORN SOUNDS, AND ROUND ONE IS UNDERWAY.
UHH!
OH!
OHH!
RHYTHM & BLOWS ON THE MOVE.
AH!
RAMBOW... OHH! NOT SLY.
POKER FACE--HA! NOTHIN'.
UNDECLARED DELIBERATES, HESITATES,
OH!
OHH! ATES NOT HAPPENIN'.
CAN THE CHEER MOM GET FIRED UP?
GIVE ME A "NO"!
BODYGUARD BACK ON THE ATTACK,
TRYING TO FIND A LEAD THAT HE CAN PROTECT.
GOOD ON THE TURNTABLE THIS TIME.
TO HIS FEET, HUSTLING TO THE SECOND STREET SWEEPER...
MAKES IT!
NEXT UP FOR THE BODYGUARD THEN
THE RAPIDLY ROTATING SPINNER-CHANGE.
OH!
IF THERE IS ONE MAN IN THIS WORLD WHO CAN STOP HIM,
(record needle scratches)
AH! NOT RAMBOW.
AAH!
JUST BARELY SAVING HIS ACE.
AND NOW CAN HE MAKE HIS LEAP?
OH, HO!
WAY UP FRONT,
THE CONSTRUCTION CREW RAINS DESTRUCTION
DOWN ON OUR BODYGUARD WHILE HE SURVEYS THE NEXT OBSTACLE.
UHH!
AH!
HE MAY BE BEHIND, BUT POKER FACE REFUSES TO BE DEALT OUT.
UGH.
(ding)
ENJOYING HIS WORK.
TAKES IT ONTO THE ROCKING ROADBLOCKS--
UHH!
AAH!
YUCK!
AND CEMENT AND TAR JUST FLYING IN.
THE BODYGUARD CONTINUING TO STICK AND MOVE,
TRYING TO TRUMP POKER FACE.
THE ROCKING ROADBLOCKS,-- THEY'RE ROCKIN'.
THE BODYGUARD IS KNOCKIN' ON THE DOOR TO THE NEXT ROUND!
YEAH, BABY!
WHOO!
POKER FACE NEEDS TO RESHUFFLE HIS DECK
AND GET READY FOR ROUND TWO.
OH, YOU ARE DEFINITELY GONNA BE MY BODYGUARD.
WELL, A SPOT IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE AND A SPOT IN JILL'S ENTOURAGE.
(Tim) AAH!
RAMBOW'S READY FOR ROUND TWO NOW,
AND POKER FACE... UH, I'M NOT REALLY SURE WHAT HE'S READY FOR.
THE HORN SOUNDS AND ROUND TWO BEGINS.
RHYTHM & BLOWS TAKES IT FROM THE TOP.
EW! RAMBOW NEXT TO GIVE IT A--
WOW!
HE IS SAIGON.
MM.
STILL CAN'T GET A LEG UP.
POKER FACE JUST KEEPS PLAYING HANDS, WAITIN' FOR A WINNER.
HE'S DOWN. OH, STILL GOOD. BACK TO HIS FEET AND THROUGH.
STILL BACK AT THE START,
CHEER MOM READY FOR ANOTHER GO AT THE STREET SWEEPER.
TRYING TO CATCH POKER FACE.
OH, HO HO! SLOPPY DISMOUNT.
NOW ON THE SPINNER-CHANGE,
POKER FACE LOOKING TO EXTEND HIS LEAD.
D'OH!
POKER FACE LAYING HIS CARDS AND HIS FOREHEAD ON THE TABLE.
YOU KIDDIN' ME?
NO JOKING IN THE CONSTRUCTION ZONE, RAMBOW. KEEP IT MOVIN'.
YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S FEELING A LITTLE TOO GOOD FOR MY TASTE.
HE MAY WANNA WAIT
UNTIL THE FINISH LINE TO CELEBRATE JOHNNY,
BECAUSE CHEER MOM IS NOT TOO FAR BEHIND HIM.
RAMBOW ON THE SPINNER-CHANGE.
OH, HO! CEMENT RIGHT DOWN THE CRACK OF HIS PANTS.
OH!
OHH! COMES UP JUST SHORT.
CHEER MOM STILL VERY MUCH IN THE RACE.
UHH!
OH, HO!
OH! IN THE LINE OF FIRE!
WON'T HURT A BIT. IT'S JUST CEMENT...
AND HARD HATS...
AND BRICKS.
COME ON! I GOT KIDS!
I KNOW. I'M SURE THEY'RE LOVING THIS.
CHEER MOM FINALLY ON THE ROAD TO THE ROCKING ROADBLOCKS,
BUT THE PACK IS FORMING ON HER TAIL, JOHNNY,
INCLUDING UNDECLARED AND RHYTHM & BLOWS.
POKER FACE AND CHEER MOM BOTH RIDING ON THE HIGHWAY,
BUT NEITHER ONE OF 'EM
CAN SEEM TO REACH THE MINIMUM SPEED LIMIT.
UNDECLARED...
AH, THAT'S AN INCOMPLETE.
POKER FACE...
OHH!
YEAH, WELL, THE RIVER GETS YOU EVERY TIME.
OW!
RAMBOW IS REALLY MAD THIS TIME, JOHNNY.
WHOEVER OR WHATEVER IS IN HIS WAY BETTER WATCH OUT.
CHEER MOM'S IN HIS WAY,
BUT SHE IS TRYING TO POM-POM HER WAY OUT.
A BIG DIVE ONTO THE FINAL ROCKING ROADBLOCK.
OH, MY GOD.
SLIM LEAD DOWN THE FINAL STRAIGHTAWAY.
NOW THEY'RE BOTH ON, NECK AND NECK.
WHO'S IT GONNA BE?
CHEER MOM'S ON! RAMBOW, TOO! THEY GOTTA STAND UP!
OHH!
(tape rewinds)
CHEER MOM HITS THE PLATFORM FIRST,
BUT IT IS WHOEVER SECURES TWO FEET ON THE PLATFORM
THAT COUNTS,
AND BY A HAIR, IT'S SUSANNAH.
THE CHEER MOM GETS TO HER FEET FIRST.
SUSANNAH, YOU WON THE ROUND!
WHOO!
AND LOOK AT RAMBOW CONGRATULATE CHEER MOM.
HE'S A RUTHLESS KILLER WITH A HEART OF GOLD, JOHN.
OR HE'S ABOUT TO SNAP HER NECK.
NOPE. HEART OF GOLD.
WHOO!
GONNA BE TOUGH TO TOP THAT IN OUR FINAL ROUND, JOHNNY.
WHO'S TAKING THAT THIRD SPOT IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE--
UNDECLARED, RAMBOW, RHYTHM & BLOWS, OR POKER FACE?
WE'RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT.
THERE'S THE HORN.
OFF THEY GO, HEADING RIGHT INTO THE STREET SWEEPERS.
RHYTHM & BLOWS TAKING A STAB AT THE COURSE.
OH! AND WHAT A SWEET SOLO TO START.
HOPING FOR AN ENCORE, REGAINS HIS COMPOSER
OH, YEAH!
POKER FACE TRYING TO FOLLOW SUIT.
OH! AND HE IS KICKED OUT OF THE CASINO.
RHYTHM & BLOWS ONTO THE SPINNER-CHANGE NOW.
OH! AND FORGETS THAT THERE'S NO BRIDGE.
RAMBOW THROUGH THE STREET SWEEPERS,
LOOKING SHELL-SHOCKED, APPROACHING THE SPINNER-CHANGE.
AH, HA HA!
WRONG WAY!
THERE'S ONLY ONE RIGHT WAY, JILL, AND THAT IS FORWARD.
RHYTHM & BLOWS GETTING A LITTLE COMPANY ON THE SPINNER-CHANGE.
(Andrew) UHH!
POKER FACE MOVING AHEAD. ALL-IN ON THE ROCKING ROADBLOCKS.
BUT FROM THE LOOKS OF THINGS, JOHNNY,
THIS IS ONE GAMBLE HE'S GONNA REGRET.
UNDECLARED...
UNDERWHELMS.
THE ROAD NOW CLEARED FOR RAMBOW. HE'S ON BUT LANDED LIKE A TANK.
YEAH, BRING IT. YEAH.
OH, YEAH! OH, YEAH! I LOVED THAT!
I LIKE THE WAY THIS GUY CAN TAKE A BEATING.
BACK AND FOCUSED ON THE PRIZE.
RAMBOW ON THE WARPATH.
NOW HE'S ON TO THE FINAL ROADBLOCK,
LOOKING TO UP THE BODY COUNT IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE BY ONE.
AND HE HAS DONE IT!
WHOO!
AN AMAZING PERFORMANCE, JOHNNY.
I WONDER IF THIS GUY EVER RUNS OUT OF...
STEAM.
OUR FIELD IS SET.
THE THREE MOVING ON TO THE WIPEOUT ZONE
ARE TIM RAMBOW, CHEER MOM SUSANNAH HARPER,
AND OUR BODYGUARD MARK HOLWICK.
WHEN WE RETURN, THESE THREE WILL BE BRINGING THEIR "A" GAME
TO THE FINAL OBSTACLE-- THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
STAY TUNED.
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
WELCOME BACK TO WIPEOUT,"
AND AS YOU CAN SEE BEHIND ME, IT IS THAT TIME AGAIN, JOHNNY.
GET OUT THE CHECKBOOK.
WE'RE ABOUT TO WRITE ONE OUT FOR 50 GRAND.
THAT'S RIGHT.
THREE COMPETITORS STILL IN THE HUNT FOR THAT CHECK...
AND ONE GIGANTIC OBSTACLE STANDING IN THEIR WAY--
THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
IT'S MADE UP OF THE FOLLOWING STAGES.
FIRST, THE TOWERING FLUME OF DOOM.
A STEEP 7-STORY PLUMMET
THAT LAUNCHES DEEP INTO THE WATERS OF THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
FROM THERE, THE DAUNTING AND DEMANDING IRON MAZEN.
ENTER ON THE YELLOW SIDE, NAVIGATE THE TREACHEROUS MAZE,
AND THEN EXIT OUT THE RED SIDE.
AFTER THAT, IT'S THE AXLE OF EVIL.
CONTESTANTS MUST HANG ON TO THE WHIRLING PEGS
AT THE END OF THE ROTATING ARM TO MAKE IT TO THE OTHER SIDE.
AND TO FINISH IT UP, THE LAST OBSTACLE--
THE GREAT WALL OF FALL.
MAKE IT ACROSS WITHOUT GETTING CLOBBERED BY THE PISTONS.
THREE COMPETITORS REMAIN--
TIM RAMBOW, CHEER MOM SUSANNAH HARPER,
AND BODYGUARD MARK HOLWICK.
FIRST UP, TIM RAMBOW. BUT BEFORE HE DROPS IN,
LET'S DO THIS!
TIM RAMBOW WAS A ONE-MAN ARMY TODAY ON THE QUALIFIER,
WHERE HE POSTED AN IMPRESSIVE TIME...
ADVISED SPECIAL FORCES TO ADVANCE IN TOTAL CARNAGE.
THEN IN DETOUR,
HE SAVED HIS OWN DAY BY SNAGGING THE FINAL SPOT
UHH! OHH! AAH!
FLAMES AND LIGHT SETTING THE MOOD
OUT THERE IN THE ZONE TONIGHT.
RAMBOW LOOKING CRAZY-EYED AS EVER
AS WE SEE THAT SPINE-TINGLING 7-STORY DROP--
THE TOWERING FLUME OF DOOM.
BRILLIANTLY ILLUMINATED. THE COUNTDOWN BEGINS.
BE PREPARED FOR THIS, JOHNNY.
THE FLOOR DROPS OUT. IT IS THE RIDE OF A LIFETIME.
INCOMING!
RAMBOW SAVORING EVERY LAST MOMENT
OF THAT 70-FOOT GUT-WRENCHING FALL,
SHOOTING LIKE A BULLET INTO THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
YES, BUT THAT WAS THE FUN PART, JOHNNY.
NOW COMES THE REAL WORK, STARTING WITH IRON MAZEN.
COME HERE, BIG WHEEL. GOT YOU RIGHT NOW.
THE TASK HERE AGAIN--
TO CROSS THE GAP BY USING A GIANT ROTATING MAZE.
HE HAS TO ENTER FROM THE YELLOW SIDE, EXIT FROM THE RED.
OW~
FACE-PLANTS INTO THAT NOOK.
ALL RIGHT. I'LL FIGURE THIS THING OUT.
EASY TO LOSE YOUR BEARINGS IN HERE.
WHERE THE HECK IS THE RED?
CAPTIVITY MAKING RAMBOW DELIRIOUS, JOHN.
THE RED IS RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF HIS FACE.
IRON MAZEN--IT CAN BE VERY CONFUSING FROM THE INSIDE.
AND RIGHT NOW, IT LOOKS LIKE RAMBOW IS COMPLETELY BAFFLED.
YEAH, THE MAZE WILL NOT ONLY DESTROY YOUR SENSE OF DIRECTION
BUT IT'LL DESTROY YOUR TIME.
WELL PUT, JOHNNY.
ONE MOMENT, RAMBOW SEEMS TO BE MAKING PROGRESS,
AND THE NEXT, HE'S ALL OUT OF SORTS.
SOMEHOW, THOUGH, HE'S MANAGED TO FUMBLE HIMSELF NEAR THE EXIT.
HIS OPENING COMING AROUND.
RUNS FOR IT!
OHH! POOR RAMBOW.
AAH!
THAT HE HAS TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN.
LANDED SHORT OF THE FINISH PLATFORM,
NOW A LONG SWIM TO THE STARTING PLATFORM.
RAMBOW 6 MINUTES IN.
NOW WITH THAT FIRST ATTEMPT BEHIND HIM,
RAMBOW SEEMS TO HAVE A BETTER GRASP
ON THE INNER WORKINGS OF THE IRON MAZEN THIS TIME AROUND.
AND WORKING QUICKLY. MUCH MORE EFFICIENT THIS TIME.
FOUND THE RED ALREADY
AND A POSITION THAT SEEMS PERFECT FOR THE EXIT.
JUMPS...
YEAH.
HE PUTS IRON MAZEN BEHIND HIM.
UNFORTUNATELY, RAMBOW IS STILL FACING THE AXLE OF EVIL.
HE HAS TO RIDE A 3-PRONGED ARM AROUND TO THE PLATFORM
ON THE OTHER SIDE.
WASTING NO TIME. GRABS A PEG AND OFF HE GOES.
OH! AND OFF HE GOES!
NO CHANCE!
COME ON!
OH, IT LOOKS LIKE SHEER FORCE
WAS THE PLAN OF ATTACK FOR RAMBOW,
BUT HE ENDS UP BEING THE ONE WHO GETS MANHANDLED THERE, JOHN.
COME ON!
THE MAN HASN'T LOST HIS INTENSITY AT ANY POINT, JOHNNY.
NOTHING COMING EASY FOR RAMBOW HERE IN THE ZONE SO FAR.
YEAH, HE IS NOT DOING HIMSELF ANY FAVORS RIGHT NOW.
LOOKS LIKE HE'S STILL GOING FOR
THAT "HOLD ON FOR DEAR LIFE" STRATEGY.
JUST BRUTE STRENGTH ON DISPLAY HERE.
WOW.
RAMBOW CONQUERED THE AXLE OF EVIL.
IT SOUNDS LIKE THE TITLE OF A SEQUEL,
BUT RAMBOW HAS TO FACE THE GREAT WALL OF FALL
TO COMPLETE THE SERIES.
THE CLOCK PAST 11 MINUTES.
AND RAMBOW RIGHT IN THE FRAY ON THOSE PEGS.
SOME MOVE IN AND OUT. OTHERS DON'T MOVE AT ALL.
RAMBOW MAKING HIS WAY ALONG, GETTING A LITTLE HUNG UP HERE.
OH!
OHH!
OH, JOHNNY, THERE'S A REASON WE CALL IT THE GREAT WALL OF FALL
AND NOT THE GREAT WALL OF INSTANT SUCCESS.
RAMBOW AGAIN NEEDING A SECOND CHANCE,
SAME AS THE FIRST TWO OBSTACLES.
THE CLOCK--LOWER LEFT OF YOUR SCREEN THERE--16 MINUTES.
RAMBOW FIRST OUT, SO HE WILL SET THE STANDARD TO BEAT,
BUT STILL THE GREAT WALL TO GO.
MAN, I CAN'T GET IN THERE!
AND IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S TAKING THAT SAME PATH
THAT GOT HIM IN TROUBLE LAST TIME.
HIS FRUSTRATION VERY MUCH ON THE SURFACE.
NOW ON HIS BELLY AND WORMING ACROSS.
YEAH, VERY PECULIAR STRATEGY BUT IT'S WORKING FOR HIM.
SORT OF SERPENTINING THROUGH THE PEGS ONE BY ONE.
AND IF HE CAN STEADY HIMSELF HERE, JOHNNY,
HE CAN REACH THE FINISH PLATFORM FROM THIS--HUGE JUMP!
STAGGERING TO HIS FEET, BUT YOU CAN STOP THE CLOCK.
DAMN!
A BIT OF A CHUNKY TIME-- 16:37.
LET'S SEE IF IT HOLDS UP AS THE CHEER MOM GETS
LOADED AND READY FOR HER CHANCE IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
CHEER MOM SUSANNAH HARPER
GOT HER PEP RALLY GOING EARLY IN THE MORNING
WITH A SOLID ROUTINE ON THE QUALIFIER.
SHE REALLY KICKED INTO MOTION ON TOTAL CARNAGE,
WHERE SHE FINISHED THIRD.
AND WITH AN INCREDIBLE PHOTO FINISH AT THE DETOUR,
SHE IS READY! OKAY! IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
(Jill) SUSANNAH! YES!
CHEER MOM ON TOP OF A 7-STORY PYRAMID
WHILE THE MAN TO BEAT, TIM RAMBOW,
DOES RECONNAISSANCE FROM THE SIDELINE.
(beeping)
THE TOWERING FLUME OF DOOM IS SET. CHEER MOM GONE!
1,000 GALLONS OF WATER CHASING AND PUSHING HER DOWN THE PIPE.
OH, HO HO!
HUH? THAT IS A THRILL RIDE.
THE CHEER MOM MUST'VE BEEN A HIGH FLYER
BACK IN HER DAYS ON THE SQUAD
BECAUSE SHE LOOKS VERY COMFORTABLE IN THE AIR.
SUSANNAH UP THE RAMP TO THE IRON MAZEN.
16 MINUTES, 37 SECONDS THE TIME TO BEAT.
VERY ACHIEVABLE. HERE, IT'S IN THE YELLOW, OUT THE RED.
OHH!
OH, HO! BIG MISTAKE BY CHEER MOM IMMEDIATELY.
WIPES OUT AT THE START OF IRON MAZEN.
YEAH, JOHNNY,
SHE WAS TRYING TO G-E-T I-T GET IT,
PERHAPS A LITTLE TOO MUCH.
ATTEMPT NUMBER TWO COMING.
OOH, HOO! NEARLY THE SAME BLUNDER BUT SUSANNAH FINALLY IN.
OH, HO! AND WHAT A FALL!
OHH! YEAH, CHEER MOM TAKING QUITE A TUMBLE,
BUT AT LEAST SHE MANAGED TO STAY DRY.
NOW INTO THE RED PORTION OF THE MAZE.
SUSANNAH FIGHTING HER WAY THROUGH THE RED TOWARD THE EXIT.
CLOCK STILL TICKING AS SHE SEARCHES FOR A WAY OUT.
EXIT COMING AROUND.
LEAPS...
OHH!
WHOO! (laughs)
OH, SUSANNAH SO CLOSE TO MAKING THE PLATFORM.
BUT COMES UP SHORT AND CATCHES IT WITH HER CHEST.
TIM MAYBE ENJOYED THAT TOO MUCH.
ATTEMPT NUMBER THREE FOR CHEER MOM,
AND MAYBE THE OBSTACLE IS JUST TOO BIG FOR HER.
OUR LEADER, YOU SEE THERE, SETTLED DOWN SOME.
EXIT POSITION COMING AROUND.
SHE NEEDS TO MAKE THIS ONE COUNT.
WATER BLAST BUT SUSANNAH MAKES IT.
NO TIME TO CELEBRATE, THOUGH.
SHE'S BEHIND RAMBOW'S PACE AND NEEDS TO GET A MOVE ON.
AXLE OF EVIL TIME FOR OUR CHEER MOM.
SHE NEEDS TO CATCH A BREAK NOW. MAYBE A COUPLE OF 'EM, JOHNNY.
AND ATTACKING THE OBSTACLE AS IT WHEELS AROUND.
OHH! AND THE AXLE CATCHES HER INSTEAD.
YEAH, SHE HAD NO STRATEGY AT ALL.
I DON'T EVEN THINK SHE GOT A GRIP ON IT.
FATIGUE, MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY, SETTING IN NOW.
NO MORE MARGIN FOR ERROR.
OH, HO HO!
YEAH.
CHEER MOM JUST DOESN'T HAVE HER HEAD IN THE GAME TONIGHT, JOHN.
AND THOSE MISTAKES ARE GONNA COST HER A CHANCE AT $50,000.
(air horn blows)
THIS ONE IS OVER, AND THE HORN ENDS IT.
AND HER DAY ENDS HANGING LIKE WET LAUNDRY ON A CLOTHESLINE.
SO WITH THAT, IT'S GONNA COME DOWN TO
A BATTLE BY THE WAY TIM RAMBOW AND OUR BODYGUARD, MARK HOLWICK.
ONE IS A TRAINED SPECIAL FORCES,
THE OTHER, INSANE SPECIAL FORCES--
WHEN WE RETURN.
♪♪♪
WE ARE BACK ON "WIPEOUT." AND HANG ON TIGHT, FOLKS.
WE ARE ONE RUN AWAY FROM CROWNING TODAY'S CHAMPION
THAT'S RIGHT.
OUR CURRENT LEADER, TIM RAMBOW,
POSTED A TIME OF 16 MINUTES, 37 SECONDS.
AND THE CHEER MOM, SUSANNAH HARPER,
COULD DO NO BETTER.
AND NOW LET'S GET BACK TO THE ACTION, JOHNNY.
UH-OH. WAIT A MINUTE, JOHN. WE NEED TO CLEAR THE COURSE.
APPARENTLY, SUSANNAH REALLY WANTED TO FINISH.
SHE IS JUST 100% PURE HEART.
MM.
EYE OF THE TIGER WITH A-- YOU KNOW WHAT?
CAN SOMEBODY HELP HER DOWN, PLEASE?
WE REALLY GOTTA KEEP THINGS MOVING.
NOW UP AT THE TOP OF THE COURSE, OUR FINAL COMPETITOR--
THE BODYGUARD MARK HOLWICK IS GETTING LOADED.
LET'S SEE HOW HE GOT TO THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
MARK HOLWICK THE BODYGUARD STARTED THIS MORNING
WITH A JOB OFFER FROM JILL...
THAT'S MY BODYGUARD.
NO!
YES!
AND THE DETOUR, AND NOW MARK'S READY FOR HIS TOUGHEST TEST...
THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
IT'S ALL OR NOTHING HERE, JOHN.
THERE'S NO SECOND PLACE. ONE MAN'S LEAVING EMPTY-HANDED,
THE OTHER WITH 50 GRAND.
AND IT'S UP TO MARK THE BODYGUARD
TO DECIDE WHO'S WHO.
LIGHTS INDICATE WE'RE READY.
AAH!
WHOA!
CARVES A SPECTACULAR ARC
THROUGH THAT WATER SPRAY IN THE DARKNESS.
HE'S IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
YEAH, I'D BE WILLING TO SAY THE BODYGUARD HAS BEEN
IN SOME HAIRY SITUATIONS IN HIS LINE OF WORK,
BUT I GUARANTEE YA THIS WAS NEVER ONE OF 'EM.
(speaks indistinctly)
HERE WE GO.
AND TONIGHT, THE IRON MAZEN HAS BEEN A REAL CLOCK KILLER, JOHN.
YELLOW ENTRANCE COMING AROUND.
AND THE BODYGUARD IS INTO THE MAZE.
HOPSCOTCHING DOWN AND THROUGH.
WOW.
OHH!
NOW IT'S HUMAN PLINKO!
WHAT A BEATING!
RAMBOW SHOWING HIS BLOODLUST ON THE SIDELINES.
BUT THE BODYGUARD MANAGES TO STAY DRY.
WHERE'S THE EXIT?
THAT'S AN EXCELLENT QUESTION, MARK.
AFTER RATTLING AROUND IN THE IRON MAZEN,
I'D BE IMPRESSED IF YOU COULD FIND YOUR SHOELACES.
NO, MARK'S PUZZLEMENT DIDN'T LAST LONG.
RIGHTING HIMSELF AND RIGHT WHERE HE NEEDS TO BE.
PERFECT POSITION FOR THE EXIT.
WHOO!
YEAH, BABY!
THE BODYGUARD IRON AMAZEN ON HIS FIRST ATTEMPT.
UNBELIEVABLE. MARK NOW WITH A COMMANDING LEAD
OVER THE PACE SET BY RAMBOW.
HIS TIME NOT EVEN AT THE 2-MINUTE MARK THUS FAR.
CAUTION, THOUGH. STILL PLENTY OF COURSE LEFT.
OHH!
HE'S GOT A TENUOUS HOLD.
OH!
LOOK AT THAT! HE STAYED ON!
JOHN, RAMBOW BETTER START HOPING
FOR SOME SORT OF A MIRACLE HERE.
I'M NOT SURE FROGS OR FIERY HAIL ARE GONNA MATTER.
THIS GUY CRAZY GOOD. THE LEAD'S MORE THAN 10 MINUTES.
HE'S WIPEOUT-FREE.
WORKING HIS WAY ACROSS THE WALL. AT THE HALFWAY POINT SO FAR.
OH!
AND HE FINALLY PUTS A WIPEOUT IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
YEAH, THE FIRST BLEMISH ON WHAT HAS BEEN A NEARLY PERFECT RUN
FOR BODYGUARD AS THE PISTONS SEND HIM PACKING.
SECOND ATTEMPT ON THE WALL FOR THE BODYGUARD,
AND HE STILL HAS A REALLY BIG CUSHION
IN HIS RACE WITH RAMBOW.
JOHNNY, HE'S GOT OVER 10 MINUTES TO SPARE.
THAT'S NOT A CUSHION. THAT'S A FEATHER BED.
MARK'S TOTAL TIME JUST OVER 5 MINUTES.
JOHNNY, I MEAN, WE ARE WATCHING A BLOWOUT HERE
AND MAYBE ONE OF THE ALL-TIME BEST IN THE ZONE.
OOH, LITTLE SPOT OF BOTHER,
BUT EVEN THEN HE MANAGES TO RECOVER.
JUST A COUPLE OF PEGS LEFT NOW TO CROSS, EACH ONE DANGEROUS.
WATER BLASTS COMING IN.
THE BODYGUARD CLIMBS HIS WAY TO THE TOP.
ONE LEAP LEFT. THERE YA GO!
WHOO!
YOU JUST WON "WIPEOUT"! YOU WON 50 GRAND!
(shouts indistinctly) YEAH!
MM-HMM.
THE BODYGUARD MARK HOLWICK IS OUR CHAMPION.
VERY DESERVING, JOHNNY.
AND WITH THAT, WE ARE GONNA CLOSE UP SHOP FOR THE NIGHT.
BE SURE TO JOIN US NEXT TIME AS 24 NEW COMPETITORS
BATTLE IT OUT FOR $50,000.
UNTIL THEN, I'M JOHN ANDERSON.
AND FOR OUR COLLEAGUE JILL WAGNER,
I'M JOHN HENSON SAYING, GOOD NIGHT AND BIG BALLS.
♪♪♪
OH!
WHOA!
(smack)
AAH!
OH!
AAH! AAH!
AAH!
UHH! NO!
(speaks indistinctly)
CAN YOU--YEAH! (shouts indistinctly)