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Byron Katie: Yes.
Man: I had a big one for me: "Money gives conflict."
Byron Katie: What's an example?
Man: My parents struggled about money and. . .
Byron Katie: They argued about money.
Man: They argued about money, yes.
Byron Katie: OK. "Your parents were conflicted over their money issues." Is that true?
Man: Yes.
Byron Katie: "They were conflicted over money issues."
Can you absolutely know that it's true, that that's what they were conflicted over?
Man: No.
Byron Katie: And how do you react, as a little boy, growing up, when you think the thought,
"Money is the problem here. Money is the cause of this conflict."
Man: Unsafe.
Sad.
I cried. Tried to be not seen.
Tried to don't ask about anything.
Tried to not cost anything.
Tried to deal between my parents or be a mediator.
Byron Katie: Peace. The one that assures them it's all right by being very good.
Man: Yep.
Byron Katie: Making their lives simpler, without you in the way.
Man: I said this also in my relationship: "I don't want to be standing in your way."
Byron Katie: So, sweetheart, in that situation, that you were so close to. You see your parents arguing.
You see where you are. You see that little boy.
OK, so, little boy: Who would you be without the thought, "They're arguing over money."?
And look at them. Maybe they're shouting at each other. Maybe one of them is so hurt.
Just witness. Who would you be without the thought, "They're arguing over money."?
Now, notice. Are you are OK?
Man: Yeah.
Byron Katie: Are you sitting down or are you standing? Where are you?
Man: I am standing.
Byron Katie: OK. You're standing. And are you being supported?
Like, in other words, is the floor holding you?
Man: They are there and I am here, so. . .
Byron Katie: Yes, and you have; you're wearing clothes.
Man: Yep.
Byron Katie: The floor is holding you; it's supporting you. Your legs are OK. Your body is OK.
So, little boy, are you OK?
Man: Yeah.
Byron Katie: And who would you be, standing in that room, witnessing those two people, without the thought, "They're arguing over money."?
Man: I'm only seeing two people talking about, or arguing a little bit about, something and I'm only watching.
Byron Katie: Are you OK?
Man: Yeah.
Byron Katie: Without your story?
Man: Yeah.
Byron Katie: So, they have their story. And you have your story. Your story, the one you're believing, is the cause of your suffering.
The stories they're believing are the cause of their suffering.
One person in that room can be sane.
We go back and we look. It's like reality, as we believe it to be, will bring tears of sadness.
But when you go back with these questions and you're in that fourth question, you look at it.
Who would you be without that thought?
You see something very different, and you're OK.
Man: With myself.
Byron Katie: So, you're conflicted over them.
Man: Yeah.
Byron Katie: Not money. Not money at all.
You're conflicted over arguing.
So, now you have another worksheet.
(laughter)
Man: Thank you.
Byron Katie: So, did your parents have a problem over money, or did they have a problem over what they were thinking and believing?
Man: They had a problem with what they were thinking.
Byron Katie: So, let's turn it around. "My parents were conflicted over money." Another turnaround?
Man: My parents were not conflicted over money.
Byron Katie: Over money.
You know, this work is meditation. You can go back. You can hear their argument. You can hear their voices.
You were too frightened to when you were little, but it's still there.
"My parents were not conflicted over money." What else was going on?
You hear their words.
Man: Frustration. Or don't feel safe by themself. And not feel secure.
Byron Katie: Feel the compassion for these two people?
Man: Yeah.
Byron Katie: That's very different than sadness. You feel the love?
So, was money the problem or what they were believing about money? Was that the problem?
Man: What they were believing.
Byron Katie: Yeah. Money is absolutely innocent. Money never gave anyone one problem.
It just sits there. And you just project onto nothing. This. . . This. . . "I need more."
It's like the rest of the world; it's what we're believing about this innocent, innocent, innocent.
From parents to money, all innocent.
Thank you, precious.
Man: So you, ma'am.
Byron Katie: So, you know, out of this a lot comes. Like, you might; are your parents alive?
You might call them and say,
"I am so grateful for the way you cared about the family and our welfare and how difficult that may have been for you."
"I understand so much more."
I mean, when you really listen to them, there's nothing that you cannot resolve.