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Sir, we have some bad news.
Widget Server performance has tanked since last night. Our servers in DUB and SEA seem to be down.
We just don't know what's going on. We've cut a sev-2 against the infrastructure team. I am very sorry.
That's ok. I know our widgets are cached so we'll just get the servers back up and no one will notice.
Scrum master, our cache ...
Our memcache cloud seems to be corrupt too. Our customers are seeing 10second TP99
Anybody who is not on arsenal-india@ can leave now. The scrum is over for you
I can't believe it's down. I can't believe this *** is down again!
This is the second time this month!
Didn't I just approve 10 mid-virts with 4GB RAM? Don't you care about TCO at all?
How am I supposed to create Carsousels to showcase bestselling Electronics now?
How am I supposed to get to the $100 payment threshold when I can't even create a My Favorites widget?
Scrum master, can you not create simple text links for the time being?
Text Links?! Do I look like a *** pansy to you? Why don't I just sign up for Commission Junction while I'm at it?
Scrum master, that might not be a bad idea.
What?! How dare you! Commission Junction has 10% networking fees. Commission Junction disgusts me!
Commission Junction!
What I expect is that when I add 6 products to my Carousel, they will dance on my screen. Not just see some flash garbage.
I'm going to Tweet this on the official Associates account. And I'm going to write about this on Facebook, godddamnit!
Now how am I supposed to monetize my blog?
My 80-year old grandma has better up-time.
All I want is 99.99% uptime.
All I want is someone to monitor the daily PMET graphs. Some self-respect. Is that too much to ask?
You know how embarrasing it is when I have to justify these sev2s at the weekly metrics meeting?
This has gone on for far too long. Patch this, today!
And make sure you run the regression test suite. I don't want anything else breaking because of this patch, understand?
Don't worry, QA should be fine. We use automated WATIR testing.
Don't contact legal about this. They'll want to know why we didn't add disclaimers to every damn widget.
And Vignesh...
No more mid-virts for you. You're like a kid in a candy store with these servers.
If this isn't fixed by the next weekly metrics meeting ...
... I'm just going to ***' shoot myself.