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All the Gameplay and cinematic scenes on this video, were played and recorded by Maka directly from a phisic console and with original games.
Hey Maka do you want to play some Star Wars: Shadows of the Empa...
Characters
In this game we have one main character
Just one
What a nice way to start...
Our main character is this guy called Dash Rendar
Where does he come from?
Out of a space hole of course [THE NEVER TELL]
What's his story?
He's a bounty hunter that comes from The Planet of the Apes
Or from Sector Z
Or from the Sun, I have no idea
Why is he helping the Rebels?
First he was hired for a job
And then because Chewbacca thretened him
With sabotaging his spaceship
Honestly I have no idea
Because they never explain
Even my theory might could be right
He's one of the flatest characters I've ever seen
I've seen characters who are this boring
But they are usually secondary characters
And here is just the main character of our story
The game first tells us that Dash
And a robot that helps him or kidnapped him, who knows
Are helping the rebels because they will recive money for that
But in the end
Suddenly they are all friends because I don't know why...
I hate characters that in movies
Series or games do things without a motive
The secondary characters
Or "Pseudo-main characters" as you prefer
Are so gray and boring that I'll just say a few things about them
We have the Rebels Group
Luke, Leia, Han Solo, Chewbacca and Lando Calrissian
Do we ever get to play as them?
No
All the game is played as Dash
Our game villain is called Scissor
No damn it, that's a Pokémon
This guy that is called Prince Xizor
He wants to kill the Rebels so the Emperor takes him in Darth Vader's place
Is Darth Vader in the game?
No
I sware to you, this pseudo-characters are the most boring thing I've seen in a while
I just hate all of those stories that George Lucas comes up with to supposedly fill up the Star Wars saga
That in the end just srew up it up more than what it really should be
Controls and Gameplay
Where do I begin this?...
The controls for this game are one of the most frustrating and horrible things
That I've ever used for a 3D game
Right from the Main Menu, the problems begin
You move using the D Pad
And you think you can go to this part below just moivng down, but no no no...
You have to press either L or R
Why can't I just go down and choose an option?
Oh and beware, because in this menus that come from a Horror Movie
A and B do the exact same thing
Why would they change something that is nailed in our minds as a basic command?
A is "Accept"
B is "Cancel"
How did they *** up something as simple as the Main Menu's control?
Oh but I've not even started to talk about the controls in the main game
This has just been the top of this horrible Iceberg
The game has 10 levels and it has two ways of playing
One is a shooting-platforms mixed game
And a Starship game that reminds us of Rogue Squadron and Star Fox 64
Yeah, sure thing
That's what the designer for this thing would want
It fails on all the styles it tries to emulate
Oh and it also has a level that tries to be like a racing game or just like a driving stage
Let's first talk about the stages with the starships
That are the most decent ones
If by "decent" we mean a piece of garbage
Right from the first scenario, Battle of Hoth
We find the first problem in the controls
This controls are more stiff than a steel bar used to build the Empire State building
And you have to force everything you do with the damn starship
I was complaining about pilots crashing with you in Star Fox 64
At least there you were able to control the Arwing in a fast and efficient way
Here you'll feel as if the ship was being carried by a very heavy steel bar
Yeah, good luck with that.
In the next mode of the starships
It just flies on it's own and you just shoot anything that moves on the screen
These scenarios last for ages
And you can't really tell where are the ennemy fighters
In the final level, you destroy a space station
Here you just don't know what the hell's going on
You only see the fighters flying all over the place
If you destroy things will just be luck
Your ship seems to be traveling at 2MPH
And I think the scenario just looks horrible...
Befoere we talk about the main shooting game
Let's talk about this level where you are trying to drive this thing
And i say "trying" because that what you do
You try to control this thing with the most horrible controls for a 3D diving stage that you'll ever see
It doesn't look that hard
But only if you've played it you will know how ridiculous is trying yo drive this thing
But let's get serious now
The main stages of the game are these that combine shooter and platforming
And I tell you, you've never played anything like this befoere
It's bad
Very very bad
If controling the starships was hard
Moving this guy as a pro is something I'd give you a meddal for
All I want to do is go on this rocks to reach the starship's roof and get that challenge point
And this idiot will just fall again, and again and again
The control is stiff
Everything you do feels too forced
And it just feels as if you were moving an action figure from Dragon Ball Z
When you jump
It jumps as if this guy was on the moon
Because he makes distances larger than 30 Miles that you just wonder about what drugs was he on to do that
In this stage is very obvious, because just by not doing a very good jump
And he just goes into air as if there was no gravity on the planet
In every good shooting game of this kind
You can manually aim to enemies if you just feel like doing it
But in this game, Dash just aims automatically
You might think that it makes things a lot easier
But it just makes the idea of a shooting game boring
All you have to do is go arround, mashing the B button
And he will just blast anything that walks in front of him
To me, that's no fun
By holding the Z button
You go into a mode that tries to serve as an aiming option
But was it so hard to add one of these to know where I'm shooting and not as if it was a Russian Roulette game?
This mode also feels stiff and it's not comfortable to aim with it
This game also makes enemies appear from nowhere, literally
Sometimes you go arround a corner
Suddenly something starts sthooting at this idiot
And you just turn arround blasting as a damn lunatic
Just to ralize that, because of the horrible control it was impossible for you to blast him befoere he blasted you
The game is just cheating!
You can change the camera angle with the use of the D Pad
But I really find this useless
Because in first person it's hard to do things as well as calculate acurate jumps
In other mode, the camera looks as a cheep attempt of a Resident Evil styled camera
And the third person mode has the problem I already mentioned
You cand get a few upgrades on your gun
But there are very few and won't really improve the overall gameplay
Dash can also use a rocket pack to fly
But good luck getting used to it's weird control scheme
To activate it, you first have to press the C Right button
Then to go up you must press A
And finally to turn it off you press the C Right button again
As a quick refference to the game Sonic Adventure 2
When you use Tails or Dr. Egman in their battle robots
The also have rockets to stand in the air
And how does it work?
Just press A to jump, A again to activate them, and when releasing the button the character falls
You don't have to do *** about turning it on and then off and then fly and then off and then on again and all that crap
Yes, Sonic Adventure 2 is a game that is on a more advanced system
But to make a flying system with a single button doesn't require 128 bits or anything that complex at all
In fact this flying system turns out to be a lot harder to get used to
Was it really that hard to make the system work with one single button?
Do you think that's all?
Many times I want Dash to activate a switch or place a bomb
And you know what button does that?
R
Yeah, R it's not even one of the main buttons
But if you told me, "This thing works"
But no
You have to be at a very specific place to make the command work
And in this part
Where I must place a bomb while using that horrible flying system
I must deal with leveling the idiot in the air
And pressing R as crasy just to have him place the bomb in that square over there
It's frustrating, riddiculous and a piece of garbage
What's the most important aspect on a game?
Well, being able to play it
But this game is at the limit of playable
It's not fun, it's frustrating and you just keep playing because you won't let the damn game beat you
There's no excuse by saying that "It was a Nintendo 64 game"
Because if we compare the amazing way in which we can control Mario in Super Mario 64
This game feels as an incomplete mess that somebody forgot to finish to program and refine
Super Mario 64 was a launch tittle for the Nintendo 64
So this game has no excuse
And let me tell you that I don't have the patience to be cheking the harder dificulties of the game
Since the Easy level is hard already
All because of horrible controls and graphics that come from a visual dumpster
Oh yes, let me tell you about them
But the review has become longer than what I expected
So I hope to see you in Part 2 to finish with some aspects that we are missing