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[Phone rings]
[SADIE] Crap...
Linda! Sup?
[LINDA] Sadie?
Where are you?
Mom says unless you show up right now
your allowance's going down the drain.
[SADIE] Seriously?
Tell her Scott kept us late again.
I sent her a message!
[LINDA] Ugh. You know she doesn’t use WhatsApp that often, baby sis!
[SADIE] Yeah but it’s not like that’s any of my business!
Oh, hang on, hang on, I’ll call you back.
[WRITER 1] Man that’s just ***. Too much random talk,
that just weakens the whole thing.
[WRITER 2] Dude chill, we’re doing this for young girls too!
[WRITER 1] Yeah but the main target is young men and young men could not care less about little girl family drama.
[WRITER 3] Okay fine then how about we just move on to something more dynamic, but keep the talking?
[WRITER 1] Let’s give this a go.
[SADIE] Hey, Linda.
Yes I'm on my way home.
Yes, you can tell mom.
Bye now.
[LINDA] Ugh. Bye baby sis.
[SADIE] (mouthing) Bye bye baby sis.
[WRITER 1] So she passes the grass garden, goes into the forest, and the wolf grabs her, is that the way of it?
[WRITER 3] I thought you of all people knew me better.
[WRITER 2] I would hate to burst your bubble, guys,
but the whole thing doesn’t make sense.
If this really is a Little Red Riding Hood sorta thing,
shouldn’t she be in one?
[WRITER 3] Guys, whoever said it was a retelling of Little Red Riding Hood?
[WRITER 1] I don’t know, I don’t know, I’m running out.
[WRITER 2] I can see Sadie walking in her poncho,
her purse pounding at her thigh as she rushes past the grass...
She walks slowly, but with purpose.
She’s on her way out. It’s almost in her reach.
Shadows dancing in the moon’s half-light...
[WRITER 1] What the hell are you saying? Why is it that it just has to be cliché?
[WRITER 3] I don’t see why it shouldn’t taste like Twilight.
[WRITER 1] Man no, I don’t want it to be fanservice!
[WRITER 2] So did I say, so do I want it to be.
[WRITER 1] I brought us together. I ought to get what I want!
[WRITER 3] I really don’t care.
[WRITER 2] I really want it to be in the flickering moonlight
and I’ve invested just as much as either one of you two in this project.
[WRITER 3] Again, I really don’t care.
[WRITER 1] Well then let’s sort it out, shall we?
[WRITER 3] I’m gonna order us some food.
[WRITER 2] Okay, let’s try it this way then.
Forget about the magic of the moonlight,
we’ll keep the lights.
Moon so bright, night so fine...
[WRITER 3] Okay, so, one cheeseburger please.
[WRITER 1] Are you kidding me!?
[WRITER 3] No tomatoes and no cheese please.
[WRITER 1] Are you *** kidding me?!
[WRITER 2] Man no! No burgers. I say, how about we make it a guy?
[WRITER 1] In a purple poncho?
[WRITER 2] It could be a gay guy? Say, a Richard, maybe?
[WRITER 3] No, no, no, no, NO!
What the hell?
Why would there be mozzarella sticks in there since I hate cheese?
[RICHARD] Ooh, mozarella sticks.
[WRITER 1] Dude you could at least pretend to care a little, yeah?
[WRITER 3] Oh yeah, sorry, what have I missed?
[WRITER 1] So it’s a gay guy now. Richard or something.
[WRITER 3] Oh god. Hell no.
He’s gonna be the buff, manly man.
[WRITER 2] Men men men men-men-me-men men men
Men men men men-men-me-men men men
Men men men men manly men...
[WRITER 3] Stop!
[WRITER 2] Sorry...
[WRITER 1] Man how is the strong jocky stereotypical
straight guy gonna die at the hand of
some glorified blown-out-of-proportion big bad wolf?
[WRITER 2] OK no you're right.
[WRITER 1] Thank you.
I rather liked Sadie.
We could bring Richard back later after we’re done with her.
[WRITER 3] Yeah, we could totally pull a George Martin on our audience.
For now, let’s bring Sadie back.
[WRITER 2] But but but no! She’s racing!
Why- she's racing to her doom!
[WRITER 1] Unless she races to her doom, our audience races to the door.
And if our audience races to the door, our ratings race down the drain.
And if our ratings go there...
Let’s just say you don’t want them to go there.
[WRITER 2] Ooooh.
Tu-tu-doo-tu-doo, and to her doom she went.
[WRITER 3] Yeah, I can absolutely see it.
[SADIE] You guys, I’m frickin’ tired already!
Could you make up your minds?
[WRITER 2] We should kill ‘er quick.
As my favorite witch once said:
Kill her once, kill her good, kill her dead.
[WRITER 3] Well...
that escalated quickly.
[WRITER 2] Wait.
So how does she die?
[WRITER 1] Haha!
That, my dear friend, is one thing we shall never reveal.
[WRITER 3] What? Why?
[WRITER 2] That doesn't even make sense!
[WRITER 1] ... for the night is dark...
...and full of terrors.
[CREEP] Mine!
[evil snicker]
[end credits]
[evil laughter]