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Hello, Internet people.
My name is Ryan and today we are playing
Obl- Oh wait, no! It's not Oblivion. It's Skyrim.
What?
Whaaat?
Never did think this game would come out.
Especially not on time.
Where are we going?
Hello?
>> Hey, you. You're finally awake.
>> Yes.
>> You were trying to cross the border, right?
Walked right into that Imperial ambush, same as us and that thief over there.
>> Damn you Stormcloaks. Skyrim was fine until you came along.
Empire was nice and lazy.
If they hadn't been looking for you I could have stolen that horse and been halfway to
Hammerfell.
You there. You and me, we shouldn't be here.
It's these Stormcloaks the Empire wants.
>> We're all brothers and sisters in binds now, thief.
>> Shut up back there.
>> What's wrong with him, huh?
>> Watch your tongue. You're speaking to Ulfric Stormcloak,
the true high king.
>> Ulfric? The Jarl of Windhelm?
You're the leader of the rebellion.
But if they've capured you... oh gods...
Where are they taking us?
>> I don't know where we're going
but Sovngarde awaits.
>> Oh, no no no no no. >> This can't be happening.
This isn't happening.
>> I...
>> Hey. What village are you from, horse thief?
>> Why do you care?
>> A Nord's last thoughts should be of home.
>> Rorickstead. I'm from Rorickstead.
>> General Tullius, sir, the henchmen is waiting.
>> Good, let's get this over with.
>> I'm... >> ...Mara, Dibella, Kynareth, Akatosh...
Divines, please help me.
>> I'm really not looking forward to dying right now.
>> General Tullius, the military governor, and it looks like the Thalmor are with him.
Damn elves, I bet they had something to do with this.
>> That's racist, you know.
>> This is Helgen. I used to be sweet on a girl from here.
Wonder if Vilad is still making that mead with juniper berries mixed in.
Funny, when I was a boy the Imperial walls and towers used to make me feel so safe.
>> We are going to die in the shittiest town ever.
>> ...Why? I want to watch the soldiers. >> Inside the house. Now.
>> Get these prisoners out of the cart. Move it!
>> Why do you think? End of the line.
>> But we're not rebels!
>> Face your death with some courage, thief.
>> You've got to tell them! We weren't with you! This is a mistake!
>> Step towards the block when we call your name. One at a time.
>> [sigh] Empire loves their damn lists.
>> Ulfric Stormcloak, Jarl of Windhelm.
>> It has been an honour, Jarl Ulfric.
>> Ralof of Riverwood.
>> Lokir or Rorickstead. >> No! I'm not a rebel! You can't do this!
>> Halt! >> You're not gonna kill me!
>> Archers!
Anyone else feel like running?
>> I'm good. >> You there. Step forward.
>> Hi. >> Who are you?
>> Um... I am...
possibly a dark elf that isn't a hilarious blue caricature of a dark elf?
... Ooh, that... She is f... My god.
Hm. Yes. I do believe...
this is...
who I will be.
My name is F'wah-brotten. Ehn.
>> Another refuge? Gods really have abandoned your people, dark elf.
Captain, what should we do? He's not on the list.
>> Forget the list. He goes to the block.
>> What? >> By your orders, captain.
>> Why!? >> I'm sorry. We'll make sure your remains
are returned to Morrowind.
>> I don't care what's done with my remains. I would much rather just live.
Why you got to be such a ***? Huh?
Why you got to be such a big ***?
Hate you.
>> Ulfric Stormcloak, some here in Helgen call you a hero, but a hero doesn't use a
power like The Voice to *** his king and usurp his throne.
You started this war; plunged Skyrim into chaos and now the Empire is going to put you
down...
>> Who are you? >> and restore the peace.
>> Why do I have to stand by the fat one? [distant shrieking]
>> What was that? >> It's nothing. Carry on.
>> Yes, General Tullius. Give them their last rites.
>> As we commend your souls to etherius, blessings of The Eight Divines upon you.
>> For the love of Talos, shut up and let's get this over with.
>> As you wish.
>> Come on! I haven't got all morning.
>> My ancestors are smiling at me, Imperials. Can you say the same?
>> Ugh.
>> You Imperial ***!
>> Justice! >> Death the Stormcloaks!
>> As fearless in death as he was in life.
>> Next, the dark elf. [distant shrieking]
>> There it is again. Did you hear that?
>> I said, next prisoner.
>> To the block, prisoner. Nice and easy.
>> Hey lady, I know you're kind of a giant *** but I mean like if you would like not
kill me that would just be really great.
Or something. It's like... I don't really want...
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Augh, oh.
[roar] This is... going really poorly for- Oh my
god.
>> What do you see? >> This is the coolest thing I could've possibly
seen before I died.
Wait...
Wait, what? Oh no.
Oh no!
[roar] >> Come on, the gods won't give us another
chance! This way!
>> Aah!
>> Jarl Ulfric, what is that thing? Could the legends be true?
>> Legends don't burn down villages.
We need to move, now!
>> Up through the tower. Let's go!
>> OK. I can do that.
>> This way, friend. Move!
[roars]
>> I'm going to have to jump! >> Jump through the roof and keep going.
>> You need to get over here, now.
Attaboy, you're doing great.
>> Oh. [roars]
>> You're still alive, prisoner? Keep close to me if you want to stay that way.
Gunner, take care of the boy. I have to join General Tullius and take care of the defence.
>> Gods guide you, Hadvar.
>> Can someone do something about these bindings on my hands?
I would really appreciate it.
>> Stay close to the wall!
>> Oh, oh god.
[roars] >> Quickly! Follow me!
>> Oh, I'm following.
[roars, yelling]
>> It's you and me, prisoner. Stay close.
>> Fall, damn you. Fall. How does it move so damn fast?
>> Damn traitor. Out of my way.
>> We're escaping, Hadvar. You're not stopping us this time.
You! Come on, into the keep!
>> Hell, I'm going with this guy. This guy that doesn't want me dead on a spike and by
spike I mean stone and by stone I mean...
That fat guy was going to chop my head off.
He was like seconds from chopping my head off.
>> Looks like we're the only ones who made it.
That thing was a dragon, no doubt. Just like the children's stories and the legends.
The harbingers of the end times.
>> I thought they were all gone. >> We'd better get moving. Come here.
Let me see if I can get those bindings off.
There you go. You may as well take Gunjar's gear. He won't be needing it anymore.
>> OK. Taking this lantern too.
>> Gunjar isn't coming back from the dead. Take his armour and anything else on him.
>> Oh my god, now he's all akwardly naked on the ground. That's weird.
>> Alright, get that armour on and give that axe a few swings.
I'm going to see if I can find some way out of here.
>> This axe is ***.
>> Ooh.
Yes, we will... put you there, put you there.
>> Oh, that's *** sweet.
>> No way to open this from our side.
It's the Imperials! Take cover.
>> Get this gate open.
>> Imperial dogs!
>> Maybe one of these Imperials has the key.
>> Oh, that is a key
and this armour is way better than my other armour.
I'm taking it all.
Oh, leaving naked people all over the place. This is weird.
>> That's it. Come on, let's get out of here before that dragon takes the whole tower down
over our heads.
>> Uh oh.
>> Damn, that dragon doesn't give up easy.
>> Grab everything important and let's move. Dragon's burning everything to the ground.
>> I just need to gather some more potions.
>> Imperial dogs!
>> Stormcloak, filthy traitors.
>> [amazing song] Just setting people on fire, setting people on fire.
>> A storeroom. See if you can find any potions. We'll need them.
>> I love potions and tankards! I love everything!
Taking that pot. Yeah.
Alrighty, Internet people, we're pretty safe right now.
I think we're going to make that an episode.
Next time, maybe we'll escape the dungeon and not get murdered by a dragon. Thanks for
watching.