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>> I JUST GOhMT BACK FROM MY DAM
WITH PATRICK.
IT WAS FUN.
HE'S REALLY NICE.hM
hM
SOY DA MD'S PICK IS ABOUT TO GET
HERE.hM
I'M REALLY EhMXCITED, BECAUSE
I KNOW THAT MY DAD KNOWS MEhM
WELLhM, AND HE KNOWS THE TYPE OF
GUYS THAT I LIKE.hM
hM
SO I'M FEELING REALLY, REALLYhMM
CONFIDENT ABOUT IT.hMhM
>> DON'T THINK YOU'RE KISSING
THEM, DON'T THINK YOU'RE HOLDINM
THEIR HAND.hM
>> I'M NOT!
hM DON'T PUT YOUR ARM AROUND
'EM.hM
DON'T DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
>> WHAT IF THEY PUT THEIR ARM
ARhMOUND ME--WHAT DO I DO?hM
>> JUST SAY THIS--"LIKE,
SERIOUSLY, BRO, I HAVE A
hM
BOYFRIEND."hM
>> SERIOLY, USBRO?
>> SIOUSERLY, BRO.hMhM
THEY'RE JUST TRYING TO GET IN
YOUR PANTS.hM
hM>> WHY ARE THEY TRYING TO GET
INTO MY PANTS?
hM>> 'CAUSE THAT'S WHERE YOURhM
hMGINA IS--DUH.hM
[doorbell rings]
>> OH HO!hMhM
WHO'S HERE?
>> THIS SHOULD BE INTERESTING.hM
>> HEY, JARED.hMhM
>> HOW'S IT GOING?
>>
HOW'S IT GOING?hMhM
JARED, I THOUGHT, WAS THEhM
BEST-LOOKING GUY IN THE WHOLEhMM
BUNCH.
AND I THINK HEATHER'S GONNA GIVE
ME A BIG HUG FOR THAT ONE.hM
>> THIS IS HEATHER.hM
hM
>> HI.
>> HOW YOU DOING? JARED.
hM
>> NICE TO MEET YOU.hM
THE FIRST THING I NOTICED ABOUTM
JARED WAS HIhMS DARK HAIR AND HS
DARK FEATURES, WHICH I REALLYhM
hM
LIKE.
GOOD, DAD.hMhM
>> THAT'S MIKE.
hM I'M MIKE.hM
I HAVE ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE
JARED--TOTAL [bleep].hMhM
>> WE HAVE A BIG DAY AHEAD OF
US, SO IF YOU WANNA GO AHEhMAD D
GET GOING...hM
>> BEHhMAVE YOURSELVES.
>> HEY, YOU GUYS HAVE FUN.
SEE YA.hMhM
>> BE CAREFUL, BUDDY.
>> TODAY I'M ACTUALLY GONNA hMBE
TAKING HEATHER TO A NICEhMhM
RESTAURANT ON THE BEACH.hM
BUT WHAThM SHE DOESN'T KNOW IS
THAT I'M ACTUALLY GOING TO TAKE
hM
HER TO A SHOP AND ACTUALhMLY GET
HER A DRESS FOR TOhMNIGHT'S BIGM
ENGAGEMENT.hM
>> READY TO hMWATCH MY GUY?
>> AH, YEAH.
LET'S WATCH THIS GUY.hM
JEEZ.hMhM
>> SO YOU'RE PROBABLY ASKINGhMhM
YOURSELF WHY I AM NOT DRIVING.hM
>> YEAH. WHY?hMhM
>> [chuckles] UM, WELL, I JUST,
YOU KNhMOW, KINDA FIGUD--IT'ShM
hMTHING WHERE I RIDE MY BIKEhM
AND...
THE TOWN I LIVE IN IS REALLYhM
SMhMALL, SO EVERYTHING'S PRETTY
hMCH IN WALKING DISTANCE.hM
>> YEAH.
>> IT'S LIKE THIS GUY'S AMISH.
hM
>> SMART BOY.hM
PROBABLY SAVING SOME MONEY.
>> THAT EXPLAINS THEhM CAR, BUT
hM
WHERE'S HIS PERSONALITY?hM
hMhMhM
>> WHEN'S THE LAST TIME SOMEBODM
TOOK YOU OUT FOR A GREAT DINNERM
>> I DON'T REMEMhMBER.
>> WELL, HOW ABOUT TONIGHT?hMhM
>> [giggles] OKAY.
>> AND TO GO TO hMTHIS, YOU HAVM
A DRESS OF YOUR CHOICE.
>> WHAT?hMhM
WHEN DO YOU EVER GO DRESS
hMOPPING WITH HEATHER?hM
>> BRO, I HAVE A WIENER.
hMM A DUDE, WHICH MEANS I'M NOTM
GONNGO DA RESS SHOPPING.hM
hMhMhM
>> WHAT'S YOURhM FAVORITE STYLEM
FOOD?
>> SEAFOOD.hM
>> I THINK IT'S hMKINDA EERIE TT
WE HAVE SU A CCHOMMON INTEREST.
>> IT'S EERIE--AhMRE YOU KIDDINM
ME? WHO SAYS THAT?
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE AN IDIOT, BECAUSE HE hMHS
A GOOD VOCABULARY.hM
>> IhM DON'T NEED WORDS.
I GOT THESE...
hM
PLAIN AND SIMPLE, RAY.hMhMhM
>> TA-DA!
>> WOW!hM
YOU LOOK LIKE...hM
A hMFASHION MODEL.
>> OH, THANKS.
hM
>> THIS GUY HAS GAME.hM
>> HIS GAME IS LAME.hMhM
>> YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE ABOUT TO
CRY.hMhM
>> YOU READY TO GO TO DINNER?
hM>> [giggles] LET'S GO. BYE.hM
>> THANKS A LOT.hMhM
hMhM
>> I THINK HE'S SO CUTE.
HE'S BETTER-LOOKINhMG THAN YOUhM
ARE.
>> IF YOU LIKE HIM SO MUCH, WHY
hM
DON'T YOU [bleep] HIM?hM
>> [gasps]hMhM
>> GhMOOD?hM
>> YEAH.
>> SO--LIKE I SAID, YOU LOOK...M
hMST WOW IS--THE ONLY hMTHING
THAT KEEPS COMING TO MIND, YOU
KN.OWhM
hM
>> SO MANY COMPLIMENTS.
>> YEAH, ALL HE DOES IS
COMPLIMENT HER.hM
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
>> HEY, AT LEAST HE'S WOWING MYM
DAUGHTER, RIGHT?hM
>> SHE REALLY DOESN'T LOOK WOWED
TO ME.hM
>> SEE THAT? YOU NEVER KNEW WHAT
HER WOW FACE IS.hM
>> THIS IS HER WOWhM FACE--OHH!
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?hM
YOU JUST NEEhMD TO SHUT UP.
hMhM
>> WELL, HhMERE'S TO THE BEST FM
YOU AND HOPING THAT YOU'REhM
HAPPY.hM
>> OH, THANKS.
hM--AND A GREAT DAY.hM
>> AND A GREAT DAY.
hM SHE'S NOT EVEN FEELIN' THIS
GUY.hM
SHE'S LIKE, "GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I WISH I WAS HERhME WITH MIKE
AGAIN."
>> SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE'S HAVING
FUN.hMhM
>> ARE WE WATCHING THE SAME
THING RIGHT HERE?hMhM
>> I ACTUALLY HAVE A LITTLEhMhM
SURPRISE FOR YOU.
IF YOU...WOULD ALLOW MEhMhM
THE CHANCE TO BEE TO ABL MAKEhMM
YOUR PORTRAIT.
>> SERIOUShMLY?hM
>> SERIOUSLY.
>> SO I ACTUALLY, UM--I BROUGHTM
MY SKETCH PAD AND...hMhMhMhM
UTENSILS.
>> THIS GUY'S WATCHED TITANIChM
WAY TOO MANY TIMES.hM
>> AND WHOhM GOT THE GIRL?
[clears throat]hM
THhME GUY THAT DREW THE TITANIC
GIRL, RIGHT?hM
>> WHO DIES AT THE END?
>> AND GOThMTA GET YOUR BROWN EM
IN THERE.hMhM
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?hMhM
>> OH, THAT'S REALLY GOOD.hMhM
>> I DON'T KNOW WHO THE GIRL IN
THAT PTUREIC IS, BhMUT SHE'ShM
SMOKIN'.
I'D LIKE TO TAKE THAT HOME.hMhM
>> THAT'S MY DAUGHTER, IDIOT.hMM
>> YOU DID AhM GOOD JOB TODAY.
>> THANK YOU.hMhM
>> TOOK ME TO A NICE RESTAURANTM
YOU'RE NICE, HAVE A GOOD
hMRSONALITY.
>> THANK YOU.hM
>> YEAH. YOU HAVE A LOT GOIN'
hMR YOU.hM
>> WHOO-HOO!
hM THOSE ARE ALL THINGS YOU SAY
TO AN UGLY PERSON.hM
>> NO. HE'S NOT AN UGLY PERSON.
THAT'S SUPERMAN.hMhM
>> [snickers] OH, GOD.hMhM
WE SHOULD GET YOU BACK.
>> OKAY. OR I SHOULD GET YhMOU
hMBACK.
>> RIGHT.
[both laughing]hM
ALL RIGHTY.hMhM
>> YOU KW WHNOAT I JUSThM
REALIZED?hM
I'M JERSEY SHORE AND YOU GUYSM
hME "JON AND KhMATE PLUS ONE."
GET AT ME, BRO, SERIhMOUSLY.
>> DUDE.hMhMhMhM
>> SO I JUST GOT BACK FROM MY
DATE WITH JARED.hM
HE IS VERY, VERY GENTLEMANLIKE.
SO I'M JUST ABOUT TO MAKE MYhM
hMCISION ON WHO I'M GONNA PICK,M
AND...
I STILL hMDON'T KNOW WHAT I'MhM
GONNA DO.hMhM
THIS HAS BEEN A HARD DECISION,hM
hMBUT I MADE UP MY MIND.hM
THhME GUY THAT I CHOOSE IS...hMM
M
>> SO I HAVE TO MAKE MY DECISION
ON WHO I'M GONNA PICK.hMhM
PATRICK WAS PLAYFUL AND
ADVENTUROUS.hM
JARED WAS VERY GENEROUS AND
SWEET, AhMND THERE'S MIKE, WHO'M
hMFRIE BOYND.hM
I'M DEFINITELY TORN BETWEEN
EVERYBODY, AND...hMhM
I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M
GONNA DO.hMhMhMhM
hMhM
>> HEATHER HAS A GREAT FUTUREhM
AHEAD OF HER.
>> AND MIKE IS HOLDING HER BACKM
hM EVERYTHING SHE WANTS TO DO.
>> I WOULD REALLY LIKEhM TO SEE
HER FOLLOW HER DREAMS AND NOT
FOLLOW MIKE'S DREAMS.hM
>> MY WORShMT FEAR IS THAT SHE'M
NOT GONNA PICK ME AND THAT SHE'S
GONNA GO HOME WITH SOME RANDOMhM
hMTOOL.
AND, UH...hM
THAThM'S GONNA HURT.hMhM
>> HEY, GUYS, THIS REALLY SUCKSM
BUT I HAVE TO LET ONE OF YOUhMhM
GUYS GO RIGHT NOW.hM
[dramatic music]hM
hM ♪♪hMhM
JARED, I THINK YOU'RE SOhM SWEE,
hMAND YOU'RE DEFINITELY AhM
GENTLEMAN.
BUT ON OUR DATE, I FEEL LIKE YOM
GAVE ME SO MANY COMPLIMENTS THAT
hMI ALMOST FELT LIKE IT WAS TOOM
MUCH, SO...hM
hM
SORRY I HAVE TO LET YOU GO RIGHT
NOW.hMhM
hMhMhMhM
>> BYE.hMhM
SHE SAYS I COMPLIMENT HEhMR TOO
hM
MUCH?
I MEAN, WHAT DO WOMEN WANT,hMhM
[bleep]?hMhM
>> AND NOW FOR THE REALLY HARD
PART.hMhM
PATRICK, I LOVhME THAT YOU'REhM
REALLY OUTGOING, AND YOU'RE
hM
REALLY CUTE, BUT...hMhM
hM
I'M NOT REALLY THE OUTDOORSY
TYPE, AND I'M NOT SURE IF WEhM
hM
HAVE ENOUGH IN COMMON.hMhM
AND, MIKE...
I LOVE YOUR CONFIDENCE, ANDhM
I DEFINITELY LOVE YOUR BODY.hM
hM
BUT YOU DON'T GIVE ME THE
ATTENTION THAT I WANT ANhMD NEEM
AND I'M REALLY GETTING SICK OFhM
IT.hM
hM
SO I'VE MAhMDE UP MY MIND, ANDhM
THE GUY THAT I CHOOSE IS...hMhMM
[dramatic music]
♪♪ ♪♪hMhMhM
MIKE!hM
>> YES! YES!hM
YES!hM
>> YAY!hMhM
>> I KNEW YOU'D PICK ME.hM
HI, MOM.hM
hM, DAD.
>> I MEAN, SHE DOESNhM'T WANT TE
ALL-AMERICAN GUY.
hME WANTS THE CHEESE BhMALL WHO
WANTS TO BE ON JERSEY SHORE.
I MEAN, SHE CHOSE JERSEY SHOREM
OVER hM THE REAL WORLD, SO...
GET WHAThM YOU GET.hM
>> I HOPE THAT HE WORKS REALLYhM
HARD ThMO KEEP HER AROUND.hMhM
>> HEATHER PICKED MIKE NOW, BUT
IN THE LONG RUN, HhME COULD MESM
UP AGAIN REAL FAST.
SO THAT'S WHAT I'M WAITING FOR.M
>> AT THE END OF THE DAY, I GOTM
THE MUSCLES, I GOT THE TAN, ANDM
I GOT THE hMGIRL--HAPPY ENDING.M
>> TT SOUNDED DIRTY.
>> WHOOPS.hMhM