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When I was eleven... twelve years old, max, the teacher was bored.
didn't know what to do with the students so she said
Write down three wishes.
and the three wishes sent me to the principal's office.
They were...
Wisdom, intelligence and great artistic ability.
And they thought this was the weirdest kid they had ever encountered.
When I draw off the point, it seems to be more emotive.
It might be interesting to draw with my other hand too.
I like drawing. I like seeing how it turns out.
How is this going to turn out. Is it going to be any good?
Will I care about it? Will anybody else care about it?
I remember I was disappointed as a child.
I asked my mother if I had large eyes and she said No.
I wanted her to say I had large beautiful eyes.
I spent most of my life wishing somebody would actually believe it.
What I get is confirmation that I'm not the prettiest thing on the pike.
And no matter how sensible, intellectual I am, I'm also a woman.
I want to be pretty.
Nobody likes you for the way you actually look.
This is too pretty. I don't like it.
A real mess.
That's a really lousy drawing.
Lousy, lousy, lousy.
I'm ashamed to have it in the book so I'll come back and fiddle with that one.
Each step leads to the next step until you destroy the work, or you get something.
To be unwilling to destroy means you will never take the risks.
What the hell am I going to do with that?
That is not the proper shape of my eye.
Okay, there's some interesting stuff going on here that might bring another viewpoint.
Take me entirely off the initial plan and make it more exciting.
A mistake engages your interest.
Right now, it's something.
If I risk it, it may end up being another blobby mess.
Now this is a terrible picture. I am not happy with it.
So whatever I do to it, it may make it worse, but it doesn't matter.
An artist is about screwing up.
Getting yourself off balance and going in another direction.
I don't want an easy out. I don't want to not live my life.
And if I don't push the limits, who else will? For me.
The implicit chance of failure, means you're dealing with a real problem.
If there's no chance of failure, it ain't a problem.
In a lot of respects, this isn't going well.
It's not horrible, but it's not anything I want to sit around saying Gee this is great.
It's a very poor water color.
I like high wire acts. I like...
making it difficult for my self.
If you know what you're doing, you don't get into interesting areas.
Is there anything I can do to it to pull it together now?
Sorry...
Now I'm happy.
I'm interested in truth. Truth as I see it.
I don't want a falsity.
Oh god, now it's yelling at me for something else.
I can't bare to flatter myself.
I do, but I find it really objectionable.
That's better. Not great or anything, but better.
This is too glamorous.
Now it's getting a little more interesting.
There's nothing like a bad picture to drive you on.
you may drive it totally into the ground, but it's a hell of a lot more interesting in the process.
I think in a sense, I'm learning to accept myself
as I would any other human being on the face of the earth.
To have some compassion.
some humor, some irritation, and some hope.
TEXT: Finally better. Moves toward truth.
Because no matter what little my life has amounted to
I have a measure of wisdom.
I'm not unintelligent.
And it sure as hell isn't as good as I'd like it
but I do have a considerable stock of artistic ability.
Now how many people can say they get their three wishes?