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And then came the Third Day
of Christmas
and still no one had
made a present for Santa.
Whom shall l ask to
help me, boys and girls?
l know.
Ask the reindeer on your left hand.
l'd love to help
but l have my hooves full as it is.
l get it.
His hooves are full.
He don't have no hands, l get it.
Hey, G, l did not see that coming.
This is dope, right, Ash?
-Ashley!
-l'm awake.
l don't know why l bother.
lt's impossible to compete
with *** entertainment
like MTV, Nintendo
the new children on the block.
Thanks a lot, Ash.
Now l'll never
know how the story ends.
l really wanted to know
what Santa got for Christmas.
He doesn't get an actual gift, Will.
He gets the love of all the little children
in the world.
Really? What a gyp.
Come on, Will.
Everyone knows there's no Santa Claus.
Wait a minute, there is no Milli Vanilli
but there definitely is a Santa Claus.
Okay, Ash, let's write our letters
to Santa Claus.
Here, you can help me with my list.
How do you spell ''Vanessa Williams''?
Don't you have anything better to do
with Christmas vacation
than writing a silly letter?
What are you gonna do with your
vacation? Play with your friends?
l wish l had someone to play with
but every year my friends
all go out of town
and l'm stuck here all alone.
You can still have fun while you're here.
l'm going to.
l've decided to learn
a new word every day.
Ashley, that's boring.
Really? l think it's very autodidactic.
Christmas vacation is finally here.
God help me, l do love it so.
l thought you liked school, Carlton.
Ash, l think Bel-Air Academy
is one of the best schools in the country.
lts academics and sports program
are excellent, and the faculty is first-rate
but around December 10, it starts to get
a little old.
Know what l mean?
Carlton, we got a problem.
Your sister, 10 years old
and doesn't know
the meaning of Christmas.
l know the meaning of ''undulate.
''
l don't know where this Christmas thing's
going, but l've got bigger fish to fry.
l've got to raise $600 more
for my Glee Club ski trip.
Give you $1 if you shave your head.
l've booked the Alligaroos
to sing at a bunch of Christmas parties.
lf we make enough money,
on December 26 we'll all be.
lmitating Jerry Lewis?
l've got to rehearse now.
Guys, let's use this room.
Let's start with our opening number.
Five, six, five, six, seven, and.
Hold it!
What the bloody hell kind of song is that?
What do you mean?
A little kid sees his mom
tongue-wrestling with Santa Claus?
Will, it's his father
dressed up like Santa Claus.
Why'd he dress up like.
l get it.
l dress up like Santa Claus.
You dress up like the Easter Bunny.
That makes me sick.
We're putting together a program
for Jonathan's parents' party tonight.
Jonathan's stepfather
is a record producer
and he asked us not to do
tired old Christmas carols.
Here's our program.
Wait a minute.
You Don't Bring Me FIowers
PeopIe Who Need PeopIe,
The Way We Were.
Who's coming down the chimney,
Barbra Streisand?
You've been to my parents' parties?
That would be fantastic.
All right.
Also, l want to send a box
of the fancy chocolate-covered pretzels
to Mr.
Patrick Swayze.
Right.
The card should read:
''Pat, saw these and immediately
thought of you.
Love, Hilary.
***.
''
Send the same thing to Kevin Costner,
Michelle Pfeiffer and Sting.
Great, thanks.
That takes care of the A-list.
Now, should l send the box of pears
or the meat thermometer
to Steve Guttenberg?
Hilary, l hate to inject some reality
into these proceedings
but who you trying to fool, baby?
What do you mean?
You always walk around fronting
like you know all these famous people.
You don't know nobody.
Will, you are so jaded and skeptical.
You remind me so much of Judd Nelson.
Philip, we'll spend an hour
at your office party, then we'll come home.
-l have papers to grade.
-Okay, but first things first.
Do you remember the names
of all my partners' wives?
Yes.
-Who is George Meyer's wife?
-Eunice.
That was last year.
The new wife's name is Kelly.
Kelly? Walter's secretary?
-Now, who is Jack Fitzgerald's wife?
-Doris.
The correct answer is Heather,
formerly the muffin-cart girl.
Wait a minute.
How many new wives
are going to be at this party?
Let's put it this way, Vivian.
You're the only repeat.
Hold up.
You guys going to a Christmas party?
-lt's just an office Christmas party.
-l remember ours back in Philly.
The building would be filled
with the sounds of Christmas.
Jingle bells and singing and laughing.
Then at the end of the evening,
the traditional police sirens.
Those were the days.
l'll just go bring the car around.
Aunt Viv, does this neighborhood
do anything special for Christmas?
Not really.
Last year, President Reagan's
Secret Service agents
dressed up as Santa and warned
everyone to keep their distance.
That was kind of festive.
Aunt Viv, this is terrible.
People in Bel-Air don't know
how to celebrate Christmas.
-l'm worried about Ashley.
-What do you mean?
Growing up in Bel-Air,
she never had a real Christmas.
There's no sledding, there's no caroling
there's no winos making
snow angels on the front lawn.
You don't even decorate the living room.
Yes, we do.
We've already started.
The poinsettias, the red candles
and here's the beautiful crystal nativity
your uncle gave me
for Christmas years ago.
Where's little baby Jesus?
-Right there.
-That little disk?
There are more decorations coming.
A wonderful shop in Beverly Hills
comes to the house, sets up the tree
and decorates it for us.
Do they open your presents
and wear your sweaters, too?
lf you want to show Ashley
a little more of the Christmas spirit
why don't you go to the shop,
pick up the decorations
and you and Ashley
can decorate it yourself, okay?
All right, then.
This is going to be hype.
Have fun at the office Christmas party.
Thanks, l'm looking forward
to meeting all the new wives.
l hope they bring their Barbie dolls.
Will, were you vociferating for me?
l got to get back to you on that.
You want to go to Beverly Hills with me
and get the decorations?
-Okay.
-We can sing Christmas songs all the way.
Great.
Here's one Carlton taught me.
Hi.
Merry Christmas.
Aren't these figures outstanding?
They're beyond outstanding,
they're deeply beyond.
They're hand-carved.
We import them from Poland.
We're looking for
some Christmas decorations.
Let me show you something
we're doing now that's deeply happening.
lt's a Caribbean Christmas tree.
lt's very big in London, it's beyond big.
lt's all about very hot oranges
and very intense yellows.
l feel it's a very vibrant tree,
and l feel it's a very important tree.
We're just picking up the decorations
for my mother, Mrs.
Banks.
Yeah, she phoned and told me
you'd be putting them up
yourselves this year, which is fine.
You'll save yourself a little money,
which is a good thing
because the '90s
are going to be all about restraint.
ls this the wreath for the door?
Yeah.
Let's talk about
that wreath for a moment, if you will.
Last year, l was so deeply into
the distant salmons and the sandy beiges.
But this year l went
more with the muted roses
with these little arrogant touches
of celadon and periwinkle.
l think it worked out quite nice.
Let's try something wild here, you know?
Do you have anything red or green
or, l don't know,
maybe something like a Santa Claus?
lt's been done.
Excuse us.
These decorations are wack.
We'll save Aunt Viv a lot of money
and buy them somewhere else.
Let's go.
Excuse me.
You forgot your box of decorations.
No, you see, we're going to do
our own decorations this year.
lt's going to be about arrogant little elves
and rambunctious reindeer
and little men in red suits.
l think it will be deeply, deeply dope.
We should've left
that stupid office party an hour earlier.
l still have 30 papers to grade.
We're both busy, but we
can't work in the car
so why don't we take this time
to relax a bit?
You're right.
Look how nicely they decorated
the house on the corner.
Those white lights on the tree outside.
Just the right touch of lights.
A little goes a long way, you know.
God, l used to love
Christmas when l was little.
Now it just rushes by in one big blur.
Christmas is more for kids.
You know, even though we're busy
l think we should do
something nice for Will.
Must be hard for him spending
Christmas in a strange place.
Yeah, you're right, sweetheart.
We'll do something nice for him.
Surprise!
-Ashley, sweetie.
-Where's Will?
-Aren't you surprised, Mommy?
-Where is Will?
l had so much fun today with Will,
you can't believe it.
Surprise!
Look, it's Will.
Will, what happened
at the Christmas shop?
Aunt Viv, they were trying to rip you off.
So me and Ashley went down
to the Pick 'n' Grab.
Hello.
Yes, this is Philip Banks.
You saw our lights.
The blinking Frosty the Snowman
is riling your attack dogs.
That's wonderful.
Our neighbors are furious.
We must take down the lights.
Uncle Phil, l bet there's a lot of neighbors
that love those decorations.
l mean, certainly anyone
who possesses good taste.
Banks residence.
Have a holly, jolly Christmas.
Brother, you got a problem
with my lights?
Why don't you come tell me
that to my face, then?
You can do whatever you want to do.
lt's your world, squirrel.
l'm just trying to get a nut.
What? We can do this.
That was clever, Trevor.
Ain't no thing but a chicken wing.
Yeah, all right.
Madam, sir.
A group of your neighbors
have assembled on the front lawn.
They're looking at your Christmas
decorations and growing enraged.
They are threatening
to burn Frosty in effigy.
We'd better get out there.
Geoffrey, thanks for helping us
put up those Christmas decorations.
l'd have never had the guts
to climb up on that roof
with that reindeer strapped on my back.
Anything in the name of Christmas,
Master William.
Your aunt and uncle
didn't suspect anything, did they?
No.
Still, l think it's best we avoid eye contact
for the rest of the evening.
-Should l talk to them? Or do you want to?
-No, l'll give it a try.
-Dad, can l offer a suggestion?
-Sure.
They're our neighbors and they're upset.
lt's up to us to make sure
that this doesn't ruin their Christmas.
There's only one way to do that.
l think we should write a few checks.
Sit down, Carlton.
As you wish, Father.
l'll have to tell them we'll take
the decorations down as soon as we can.
Can't we leave some of them up?
l don't know, maybe we can reach
a compromise.
Everybody, in keeping
with the spirit of the season
l think we can discuss this rationally.
Property values in this neighborhood
must be vigorously protected.
lsn't that right, Mr.
Uesato?
l'm afraid potential buyers
aren't too crazy about the Kmart look.
You know dear, there are wonderful
services that will come
and decorate your house for you.
But this year our daughter
and nephew decided
to do the decorating themselves.
l see.
Are they very angry with you
over something?
No, why?
This reminds me of the summer
my daughter Amanda turned 15
and tried to burn our house down.
Master William.
There is a gentleman
in the foyer who claims
you had some harsh words
with him on the phone.
Oh, yeah? That chump is here?
Send him in.
Fighting doesn't solve anything.
Aunt Viv, ain't gonna be no fight.
l can tell by the sound of this guy's voice
on the phone, l could take him in a minute.
Mr.
Evander Holyfield.
The undisputed
Heavyweight Champion of the World.
Nice champion.
l recognize your voice.
You're the chump l talked
to on the telephone.
Phone? l ain't talked to you on no phone.
-Evander.
-Hilary.
You know her?
Where were you last night
at Bruce Willis' party?
l'm not speaking to Bruce.
l'll tell you about it later.
-What are you doing here?
-l didn't know you lived here.
Frankly, l saw the lights
and l thought they were
a little tacky.
Look!
l didn't mean for everybody
to get so upset.
You might as well just
take all the lights down.
-Ashley.
-lt's okay, Dad.
Now, come on.
The house looks dope.
Who cares what they think?
Bet you Santa thinks it's nice.
l know you're trying to get me
into the Christmas spirit
but l'm just not into it.
All those people are in a bad mood
none of my friends
are around to play with.
l'm going to go up to my room
learn some new word
and wait until New Year's.
That was great.
Who are you guys?
-Hi, l'm Mark Driscoll.
-How you doing?
Every year, l take
the neighborhood kids around
to look at the Christmas lights.
They choose one house
as the best-decorated
then sing carols
for the people who live there.
-This year, you guys won.
-We drove all over.
Yeah, and usually this neighborhood
is a complete dud.
We weren't even going to come here
until Jimmy saw the house
from the freeway.
l tell you what, we've got cookies
and hot chocolate inside.
Come on in.
All right, let's go.
-Thanks.
Merry Christmas.
-Merry Christmas.
Ashley, l seem to remember you saying
you wanted some friends
and there they are.
Still don't believe
that there's a Santa Claus?
l'm glad we cleared up this little matter.
l assume the lights will
be down by tomorrow.
Wait.
l've changed my mind.
-l want the lights to stay up.
-Fight the power, Ashley.
l love them.
They're beautiful.
l'm not the only one who thinks so.
Will thinks so, too,
and so do all these kids.
And besides, it's Christmas.
When l look at the lights and the reindeer
and the decorations
it makes me feel very ebullient.
Yeah, me, too.
Ashley's right.
What are we arguing about here?
When we were kids,
we used to all love Christmas.
And now we take things too seriously.
Personally, l think the lights
are kind of neat.
l guess they're really not hurting anybody.
And the kids really like them.
We shouldn't be fighting.
lt's so barbaric.
Then we're all agreed?
l think those decorations are totally
inappropriate for a home in Bel-Air.
Madam, another of your neighbors
has arrived.
Great, that's all we need.
Excuse me.
Hello, everybody.
Hi, there, Hilary.
Thanks for the pretzels.
l'm sorry to bother you, neighbor.
l just want to say that
l greatly admire your wonderful
Christmas decorations
and l just wanted to say that
because Nancy won't let me
do anything fun to our house.
-Thank you, Mr.
President.
-lt's a pleasure.
A few of our neighbors came to tell us
about our lights, too.
What were you saying, Mr.
Grey?
l was just saying they were
absolutely magnificent, Mr.
President.
-That's what l think.
-This is what Christmas is all about.
Now comes the magic moment.
Everybody gather around the TV.
Will, what are you doing?
This is one of our Christmas traditions.
l like to watch out for
this certain commercial.
A commercial?
You know the one where it's all snowy
and the little jolly Santa is
riding on a Norelco shaver?
l love that commercial.
And that Christmas beer commercial
with the horses with the furry feet
are pulling the sleigh through the snow.
l loved that commercial where
the little covered wagon
is being chased by the dog
across the kitchen floor.
He's on the shaver!