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WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, DAWN? DID
YOU HAVE A FACE-OFF WITH YOUR EX
ON JERRY SPRINGER?
>> I WAS ATTACKED BY A GIANT
WEDGE-TAILED EAGLE IN CALGARY.
SHE THOUGHT I WAS POACHING
HER MAN-EAGLE.
>> OK. SO YOU'VE BEEN DOING
*** FOR HOW LONG?
>> I WAS HANG GLIDING.
>> WE'RE A LONG WAY
FROM CALGARY, DAWN.
>> MONEY SHORTENS THE DISTANCE,
DOC. THEY MEDEVACED ME TO
A PRIVATE JET. THERE WAS
A DOCTOR ONBOARD WAITING WITH
AN I.V. FULL OF ANTIBIOTICS
AND PAINKILLERS, AND HERE I AM
SEVERAL HOURS LATER WITH
THE ONLY 2 SURGEONS IN THE WORLD
I WOULD TRUST WITH MY GORGEOUS
MUG. YOU ARE CHARMING, BY THE
WAY, ON HEARTS 'N SCALPELS.
WHO KNEW? THAT AIDAN STONE, OH,
YOU HAVE TO INTRODUCE ME TO HIM
WHEN I'M MORE PRESENTABLE.
>> OK, SO YOU'RE UP IN THE SKY
JUST SAILING ALONG,
SINGING A SONG.
>> I WAS AT 8,200 FEET,
ACTUALLY. I HAD JUST CAUGHT THIS
DELIGHTFUL UPDRAFT, YOU KNOW.
I WAS THINKIN', "HEY, LIFE DOES
NOT GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS."
SUDDENLY I HEARD THIS HORRIBLE
SCREECHING SOUND.
[EAGLE CRIES]
AAH!
[EAGLE CRIES]
AAH! AAH! AAH! WHAT THE HELL?!
JESUS CHRIST!
AFTER SHE BIT MY FACE OFF,
SHE WENT AFTER MY CANOPY LINES.
I WAS IN FREE FALL FOR 1,600
FEET BEFORE SHE FREED HERSELF.
>> YOU MUST HAVE BEEN TERRIFIED.
>> TERRIFI--TRY SCARED SHITLESS.
AND I'D DO IT AGAIN
IN A HEARTBEAT.
I NEVER FELT SO ALIVE IN MY
LIFE. IT WAS LIKE TIME STOOD
STILL. EVERYTHING WAS MORE REAL
AND LESS REAL AT THE SAME TIME.
COLORS WERE BRIGHTER.
AND FOR THAT MOMENT, I FORGOT
JUST HOW LONELY AND DEPRESSING
LIFE TRULY IS.
SO I'VE UPPED THE ANTE, BOYS.
YOU ARE LOOKING AT THE SECOND
FEMALE CIVILIAN LADY EVER TO GO
OFF IN SPACE. TAKEOFF'S IN 2 1/2
WEEKS FROM RUSSIA, SO YOU GOTTA
GET ME SEWN UP AND LOOKIN' GOOD
BEFORE ALL THE PHOTOGRAPHERS,
THE TV APPEARANCES, ALL THAT.
>> THE MAIN CONCERN IS YOUR
LOWER LIP. I IMAGINE WE'D DO
AN ABBE FLAP.
>> WHAT THE HELL'S AN ABBE FLAP?
>> WE CUT A FLAP FROM YOUR
UPPER LIP AND SEW IT ONTO
YOUR LOWER LIP DEFECT.
>> IN OTHER WORDS, DAWN,
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO SEW
YOUR MOUTH SHUT FOR 2 WEEKS.
>> LISTEN, WHATEVER IT TAKES,
BOYS. WHATEVER YOU NEED TO DO.
REALLY. YOU ARE THE REASON,
BOTH OF YOU, THAT I TRAVELED ALL
THIS WAY. WELL, YOU AND POSSIBLY
THE CHANCE TO MAYBE MEET AIDAN
STONE. HEH. AND, HEY, WHAT'S THE
DEAL WITH THAT FEMALE SURGEON ON
THAT SHOW? SHE'S GOIN' UP, LIKE,
A SIZE A WEEK. SOMEBODY'S GOTTA
TELL HER LAY OFF THE MALLOMARS.
GOD, THEY'RE GONNA START OINKIN'
AT HER. IT AIN'T EASY TO GET
A SWIMSUIT. TELL HER THAT.~
>> ♪ AHH,
MAKE ME
BEAUTIFUL ♪
♪ MAKE ME
THE PERFECT SOUL,
A PERFECT MIND,
A PERFECT FACE,
A PERFECT
LIE ♪
>> [MOANING IN PLEASURE]
[SEAN CHUCKLES]
>> I LOVE YOU, SEAN.
IT'S OK. YOU DON'T HAVE TO
SAY IT JUST BECAUSE I DID.
>> WELL, WE'RE DEFINITELY KINDA
HEADIN' IN THAT DIRECTION.
IS THIS A PEANUT M&M? WHY ARE
YOU EATING PEANUT M&M's IN BED?
>> UH, 'CAUSE I DON'T LIKE
THE PLAIN ONES.
>> WELL, I'M SERIOUS, KATE.
>> I WAS STARVING. I MEAN,
WE GOT HOME FROM WORK AT 3:00
IN THE MORNING. I DIDN'T HAVE
DINNER. I ATE A STUPID BAG
OF M&M's. SO WHAT?
>> 5 BAGS OF M&M's? I MEAN,
THAT'S--FOR SOMEONE WHO'S HAD
A GASTRIC BYPASS AND ALL
THE SURGERY WE JUST DID, AND NOW
YOU'RE GAINING WEIGHT? I-I'M
YOUR BOYFRIEND. I CARE ABOUT
YOU. I WORRY ABOUT YOUR HEALTH.
>> YEAH, AND WHO WANTS
A GIRLFRIEND WITH A FAT ***,
ESPECIALLY A THIN, HANDSOME
PLASTIC SURGEON, RIGHT?
>> MAYBE. I'M NOT PROUD OF IT,
BUT THERE'S SOME TRUTH THERE.
>> DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY HOURS
IN THE DAY I AM BASICALLY
SLEEPWALKING, ALIENATED FROM
EVERYONE? I MEAN, PEOPLE AROUND
ME ARE TALKING, BUT I--I CAN'T
HEAR THEM, BECAUSE MY MIND'S
BACK ON THE KRISPY KREMES
I PASSED ON THE SET.
I KNOW HOW SCREWED UP I AM.
I'M NOT AN IDIOT.
>> YOU'VE GOT A PROBLEM, KATE.
>> OH, NO ***, SHERLOCK.
>> NOBODY'S PERFECT. JUST TAKES
COMMITMENT AND FAITH
IN YOURSELF.
>> FAITH.
>> MAYBE I CAN HELP.
WHERE'S YOUR SECRET STASH?
AHA. MARSHMALLOW FLUFF?
>> IT'S EASILY DIGESTIBLE.
>> JESUS, SWEETIE.
THIS COULD KILL YOU.
>> YEAH.
>> ALL RIGHT. WE'LL GET RID
OF THAT, AND WE MOVE ON.
[FLUSHES TOILET]
PHASE 2. FIRST WE TAKE A SHOWER.
THEN WE GET IN THE CAR, AND WE
DRIVE TO WHOLE FOODS, AND WE
BUY YOU SOME EASILY DIGESTIBLE
HEALTH FOOD, OK? HMM?
>> YOU MUST LOVE ME.
>> [CHUCKLES]
Liz: COUNT BACK FROM 10 FOR ME.
>> HOLD IT, SISTER. I AM NOT
GOING UNDER UNTIL THE DOCTOR
PROMISES ME A VISIT TO THE SET.
>> DAWN, WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS.
I MAKE A POINT OF NOT MIXING
THE 2 WORLDS.
>> ARE YOU ASHAMED OF ME,
DR. McNAMARA?
>> FRANKLY, YES.
[BUZZ]
>> [HUMMING]
OKEY-DOKEY. WE READY TO
ROCK 'N' ROLL?
>> WE'VE BEEN READY
FOR 20 MINUTES.
>> OH, YEAH. SORRY ABOUT THAT.
WILBER AND I WERE OUT ON
THE BALCONY THIS MORNING JUST
MESMERIZED BY THESE 3 WHALES
THAT WERE SPOUTING RIGHT IN
FRONT OF THE HOUSE. IT WAS A...
IS THIS THE LIFE OR WHAT, HUH?
>> WHO IS THIS NEW AND IMPROVED
CHRISTIAN? ARE YOU DATIN'
THE LITTLE MERMAID?
>> I LIKE IT. I LIKE IT.
SO HOW'S OUR LITTLE EAGLE
TEMPTRESS DOING THIS MORNING?
>> PISSED OFF.
>> PISSED?
>> YOUR PARTNER OVER HERE
JUST GAVE ME A LINE OF BULL
ABOUT HOW I CAN'T GO TO THE SET
OF HEART 'N SCALPELS.
>> OH, WELL, HE'S JUST GRUMPY
BECAUSE THE ONLY WHALE HE SAW
THIS MORNING WAS BETWEEN
THE SHEETS. HEH.
15 BLADE.
Frank Sinatra:
♪ COME FLY WITH ME,
LET'S FLY, LET'S FLY AWAY,
COME FLY WITH ME,
LET'S FLY, LET'S FLY AWAY ♪
>> AND FOR SEVERAL DAYS,
AS DAWN BUDGE HEALS,
THE WORLD IS A PEACEFUL PLACE.
>> SORRY TO INTERRUPT, SEAN.
YOUR DAUGHTER'S HERE.
>> HONEY, THE SIMPLE ANSWER
IS NO, I CAN'T DO LIPOSUCTION
ON YOU. FIRST OF ALL,
YOU DON'T NEED IT. SECONDLY--
>> IF YOU LOVE ME, YOU'LL DO IT.
>> OH, IT'S GOT NOTHING TO DO
WITH LOVE, SWEETHEART.
THERE'S NOT AN OUNCE OF EXTRA
FAT ON YOU, AND EVEN IF THERE
WAS, YOU'RE STILL GROWING.
>> I'LL GO TO SOMEONE ELSE,
THEN.
>> [SIGHS] OK. ALL RIGHT.
COME BACK. SIT DOWN. TELL ME,
MISS McNAMARA, WHAT YOU DON'T
LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF.
>> THIS.
>> ANNIE, WHERE DID THIS IDEA
COME FROM? YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL
GIRL. HAVE YOU TALKED ABOUT THIS
WITH YOUR MOTHER? IS SHE HERE?
>> EDEN DROPPED ME OFF
WHILE SHE'S GETTING WAXED.
>> IS EDEN THE ONE PUTTING
THIS NEGATIVITY IN YOUR HEAD?
>> SHE TOLD ME YOU'D BLAME HER.
SHE'S MY SISTER, AND SHE'S
THE ONLY ONE IN THIS FAMILY
WHO REALLY CARES ABOUT ME.
GIVE ME THE SURGERY.
[PIANO PLAYING]
>> OH, SWEETIE.
>> YOU MUST BE CAMPBELL.
I'M MARCIA'S FRIEND, GWEN.
>> HI, GWEN. YOU'RE A VERY
ATTRACTIVE LADY.
>> MARCIA TELLS ME THAT YOU'RE
OPEN TO UNUSUAL SCENARIOS.
>> TELL ME WHAT YOU HAD IN MIND.
>> IT'S A FANTASY THAT I'VE HAD
FOR A LONG TIME, BUT I NEED
A PARTNER, SOMEONE WHO'S COOL,
CALM, AND TRUSTWORTHY. YOU HAVE
TO BE LIKE A--A SURGEON ALMOST.
>> I THINK I COULD DO THAT.
>> I'VE RESEARCHED IT DOWN TO
THE VERY SECOND, AND IT'LL TAKE
ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF. I'VE
ALREADY BOOKED A ROOM UPSTAIRS.
WE'LL START BY CALLING
ROOM SERVICE.
[PIANO PLAYING]
WHILE YOU'RE EMPTYING THE
BUCKETS OF ICE INTO THE BATHTUB,
I'LL BE INJECTING MYSELF
WITH KETAMINE IN ORDER TO DULL
THE SENSES OF MY PHYSICAL BODY.
AFTER THAT, YOU'LL HAVE TO
HELP ME INTO THE BATHTUB.
THE NEXT PART'S GOING TO BE
DIFFICULT FOR YOU, I'D IMAGINE
MORE DIFFICULT FOR YOU
THAN IT IS FOR ME.
WE'LL HAVE TO WAIT FOR
MY BODY TEMPERATURE TO DROP.
I'LL START TO SHIVER WHEN
MY BODY TRIES TO KEEP WARM.
THAT MEANS THAT I'LL BE
IN MODERATE HYPOTHERMIA.
ONCE MY BODY TEMPERATURE DROPS,
I'LL STOP SHIVERING, AND YOU'LL
HAVE A VERY LIMITED AMOUNT
OF TIME BEFORE I LOSE
CONSCIOUSNESS. AT THIS POINT,
DO NOT GIVE IN TO YOUR DESIRE
TO WRAP ME UP.
THAT'S VERY IMPORTANT.
MY TRUST IS COMPLETELY IN YOU
AT THAT POINT.
THE WARMTH OF YOUR BODY,
THE INTENSITY OF YOUR THRUSTING
WILL BRING ME BACK TO LIFE.
[GASPING]
[PIANO PLAYING]
>> I'LL NEED DOUBLE MY FEE.
>> THAT'S NOT A PROBLEM.
>> YOU'RE ONE *** ***,
AREN'T YOU?
>> MY MOTHER COMMITTED SUICIDE
WHEN MY LITTLE SISTER DIED.
MY SHRINK SEEMS TO THINK THAT MY
FANTASY IS TO BECOME MY SISTER
SO I CAN BRING HER BACK TO LIFE
IN ORDER TO SAVE MY MOTHER.
>> AND WHAT DO YOU THINK?
>> I THINK FOR $8,000,
YOU'LL BRING ME BACK TO LIFE.
>> TO LIFE.
>> EDEN NEEDS THERAPY,
SERIOUS THERAPY AND NOT
THE TOUCHY-FEELY KIND OF NEW AGE
*** OLIVIA FAVORS.
>> I DON'T DOUBT THAT ALL
OUR KIDS HAVE ISSUES, SEAN,
BUT LET'S NOT GET CARRIED AWAY
WITH THE FINGER-POINTING.
>> YOUR DAUGHTER IS SUFFERING
FROM BODY DYSMORPHIC DISORDER
BROUGHT ON BY A SOCIOPATH SHE
CONSIDERS HER ONLY REAL ALLY.
I DON'T CALL THAT ISSUES, JULIA.
I CALL IT A SERIOUS
*** CRISIS.
>> I CAN'T JUST SIT QUIETLY
IN THE OTHER ROOM AND LISTEN
TO A CHARACTER ASSASSINATION
OF MY DAUGHTER.
>> HONEY, LET'S NOT ESCALATE
THINGS. SEAN IS JUST WORRIED
ABOUT ANNIE--
>> BUT HOW IS IT THAT
MY DAUGHTER IS BEING BLAMED
FOR ANNIE'S LOW SELF-ESTEEM.
EDEN'S SELF-ESTEEM IS HER MOST
EXTRAORDINARY QUALITY. WHY WOULD
SHE TEACH ANNIE TO HATE HERSELF?
>> THESE GIRLS ARE
MY THINSPIRATION.
OK, GET ON THE SCALE.
OK, ACCORDING TO
FRIENDSOFANAANDMIA.COM, YOU ARE
6 POUNDS OVERWEIGHT. AND I CAN
SEE IT RIGHT THERE ON YOUR ***.
YOUR DAD NEEDS GLASSES.
>> WHO ARE ANA AND MIA?
>> ANOREXIA AND BULIMIA. DID YOU
LEARN ANYTHING IN MIAMI?
>> WHAT AM I GONNA DO? CHRIS'LL
NEVER LIKE ME. HE ALWAYS BAGS
ON EVAN 'CAUSE SHE'S FAT.
>> WELL, I COULDN'T LIVE WITH
MYSELF IF I LET YOU DO COKE,
MY OWN PERSONAL SAVIOR.
I GUESS WE'RE LOOKING AT MIA IF
YOUR SELFISH FATHER WON'T HELP.
>> LOOK, THE POINT IS IS THAT
ANNIE NEEDS HELP. NOW,
WE'RE ALL AGREED ON THAT.
>> OK, WELL, TO ME, IT'S LIKE
THERE'S A GIANT ELEPHANT IN THE
ROOM. IT'S OBVIOUS THAT ANNIE'S
PROBLEMS WERE INEVITABLE.
>> WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
>> THE WHOLE PLASTIC SURGERY
ETHOS IS UNDERMINING TO WOMEN.
YOU UNDERMINE HER JUST BY
GOING TO WORK EVERY DAY, SEAN.
YOU'VE ALIGNED YOURSELF
WITH THE--THE CULTURAL MISOGYNY
THAT IS POISONING YOUR DAUGHTER.
>> ARE YOU TRYING TO CREATE A
RIFT BETWEEN ME AND MY DAUGHTER?
>> SEAN, YOU CAN'T PRETEND
THIS IS A NEW IDEA. YOU KNOW,
YOU AND I HAVE TALKED ABOUT THIS
MANY, MANY TIMES.
>> WELL, YOU NEVER REALLY HAD
A PROBLEM WITH IT BEFORE, WITH
MY--MY POISONOUS, UNDERMINING
MISOGYNY. AFTER ALL,
IT FINANCED ALL YOUR
SPIRITUAL-SLASH-IDENTITY CRISES
YOU COULDN'T GET ENOUGH OF.
>> THIS IS NOT BETWEEN YOU AND
ME, SEAN. KEEP YOUR VOICES DOWN.
THE GIRLS ARE STUDYING
IN THE OTHER ROOM.
>> [COUGHS]
>> USE YOUR STOMACH MUSCLES
TO HELP.
>> [COUGHS]
>> YOU DON'T STOP WHEN YOU GAG.
YOU HAVE TO KEEP YOUR FINGERS
THERE, ANNIE. JESUS,
YOU'RE HOPELESS.
>> CAN'T DO IT. IT FEELS
HORRIBLE. WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
I HAVE TO MAKE HIM LIKE ME.
>> [SIGHS] YOU'RE A REAL
CHALLENGE, YOU KNOW THAT?
WE HAVE TO MOVE TO PLAN "C."
WIPE YOUR MOUTH.
[MONITOR BEEPING]
>> GOOD AFTERNOON, MS. BUDGE.
I'M DR. GEORGE.
>> OH, I'M NOT HERE FOR SEX AND
TREATS. I'M, UH, HERE TO COLLECT
A SAMPLE.
NO. IT'S A--A STOOL SAMPLE.
SINCE YOU HAD A--A RUN-IN
WITH A WILD BIRD, THE DOCS ARE
CONCERNED ABOUT AVIAN FLU.
LISTEN, THIS'LL JUST TAKE
A FEW SECONDS.
[MONITOR BEEPING QUICKENS]
ROLL OVER FOR ME.
KNEES UP FOR ME.
[BEEPING QUICKENS]
THAT'S IT.
AND BREATHE.
>> [MUFFLED YELL]
[RAPID BEEPING]
>> TELL ME WHAT YOU DON'T LIKE
ABOUT YOURSELF, SISTER.
>> MY OVERSIZED ***.
I'M HERE FOR A REDUCTION
MAMMOPLASTY.
>> YOU, UH--YOU EXPERIENCING
BACK PROBLEMS?
>> BE A WHOLE LOT EASIER IF I
COULD JUST SAY YES, BUT LYING'S
NOT AN OPTION ANYMORE. HEH. I
MEAN, SINCE TAKING MY VOWS, I'VE
BECOME AWARE THAT MY ***
ARE A SOURCE OF CONFUSION
FOR PEOPLE, JUST LIKE THEY WERE
FOR YOU JUST NOW. I WANNA REMOVE
THAT CONFUSION SO THAT I CAN
BE SEEN AS A VESSEL FOR GOD'S
LIGHT. I WANNA INSPIRE PEOPLE
WITH MY FAITH, NOT MY BUST LINE.
>> REDUCTION MAMMAPLASTY IS
DEFINITELY A, UH, MODERN WAY OF
DEEPENING YOUR SPIRITUAL LIFE.
>> WELL, I'M A MODERN GIRL,
SO I'M A MODERN NUN.
>> THEN WHY THE, UH, ANTIQUATED
LOOK? I THOUGHT MODERN NUNS
DIDN'T HAVE TO DRESS LIKE SALLY
FIELD IN THE FLYING NUN ANYMORE.
[BOTH LAUGH]
>> WELL, IT'S ACTUALLY A TREND
NOW. I MEAN, MANY OF THE YOUNGER
WOMEN GOING INTO THE CHURCH FEEL
THE NEED FOR SOMETHING MORE...
RADICAL. I MEAN, IF I'M GONNA
GIVE UP SEX, FREEDOM, AND MONEY,
I'M NOT GONNA PRETEND IT'S
NO BIG DEAL. AND I WANNA WEAR MY
WEDDING DRESS EVERY SINGLE DAY.
>> FEEL LIKE I NEED TO ASK
FOR HIGHER PERMISSION
TO EXAMINE YOUR ***.
>> HEH.
>> I THINK WE CAN GET YOU DOWN
TO A SMALL "C" OR A LARGE "B."
WE MAKE A SMALL INCISION IN
THE ***, CUT STRAIGHT DOWN
THROUGH THE MIDDLE OF THE
BREAST, ALONG THE BOTTOM.
AND I'M CURIOUS. WHY WOULD
A BEAUTIFUL WOMEN LIKE YOURSELF
GIVE UP ALL THE PLEASURES
IN LIFE? I MEAN, THAT IS WHAT
YOU'RE DOING, NO MATTER HOW
YOU SPIN IT.
>> WELL, IT'S HARD TO DESCRIBE
TO SOMEONE WHO HASN'T FELT IT.
>> FELT WHAT?
>> WELL, WHEN YOU'RE CALLED.
IT'S LIKE A REAL FALLING IN
LOVE. LONELINESS DISAPPEARS,
AND YOU HAVE AN OVERWHELMING
DESIRE TO BE WITH GOD, AND THAT
MAKES EVERYTHING ELSE PALE.
>> HAVE YOU GIVEN EVERYTHING
ELSE A CHANCE? HAS ANYBODY
EVER HELD THESE AND TOLD YOU
HOW EXQUISITE THEY ARE?
>> IS THAT WHAT IT TAKES
TO MAKE YOU FEEL ALIVE, DOCTOR,
BAGGING A NUN?
>> YOU THINK GOD SAW WHAT I JUST
SAW IN YOUR EYES RIGHT NOW?
IF IT'S GOD YOU WANT, THEN GO
FOR IT. WE'RE ALL JUST TRYING TO
GET THROUGH THE NIGHT, SISTER.
>> HMM.
I WAS A *** ADDICT. I LIVED
ON THE STREET FOR 2 YEARS.
I'M SURE YOUR IMAGINATION CAN
TELL YOU WHAT GOT ME THROUGH
THE NIGHT UNTIL GOD FOUND ME,
SAVED ME.
>> WHEN YOU, UH, HAVE A MINUTE,
THERE'S SOME KIND OF
MISUNDERSTANDING WITH MS. BUDGE.
>> DAWN, NOBODY ORDERED A STOOL
SAMPLE. IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.
YOU CAN'T GET THE BIRD FLU
FROM AN EAGLE IN CALGARY.
>> I ALREADY TOLD HER THAT
STOOL SAMPLES ARE NOT USED
IN A DIAGNOSIS AND CERTAINLY NOT
RETRIEVED WITH A RUBBER GLOVE.
THIS WHOLE EPISODE WAS
MOST LIKELY A HALLUCINATION
TRIGGERED BY THE ANESTHESIA.
>> EXACTLY.
>> EXCUSE ME. GUYS, MAY I SEE
YOU IN THE BREAK ROOM, PLEASE?
>> GIVE US A SEC.
>> [CLEARS THROAT]
>> AN ACTUAL *** BANDIT?
>> HOW DID YOU FIND OUT
ABOUT THIS?
>> I JUST HAD A CONVERSATION
WITH A SERGEANT MONTGOMERY
OVER AT THE BEVERLY HILLS P.D.
HE TOLD ME THAT THERE HAVE BEEN
3 IDENTICAL *** BANDIT EPISODES
AT THE RODEO DRIVE COSMETIC
INSTITUTE. AN UNKNOWN INTRUDER
ENTERS DURING OFF HOURS,
POLITELY SAYS HE'S THERE FOR
A STOOL SAMPLE, AT WHICH POINT,
HE DIGITALLY DIDDLES THE
PATIENT, AND THEN HE LEAVES.
>> WHY WOULD SOMEONE DO THAT?
>> FOR THE THRILL OF GETTING
AWAY WITH IT OR MAYBE BECAUSE
BROWN IS THE NEW BLACK. HOW THE
HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?
>> SO THIS PERVERT IS STILL
AT LARGE.
>> YEAH, AND GET THIS.
THE OWNERS OF THE RODEO DRIVE
CHOP SHOP MADE HUGE PAYOUTS
TO THE VICTIMS SO THAT
THEIR ALREADY ASTRONOMICAL
MALPRACTICE INSURANCE DOESN'T
GO SKY-HIGH. LOOKS LIKE
EVERYBODY'S GETTIN' ***
THANKS TO THIS FUDGE-FINDER.
>> DAWN COULD SUE US BECAUSE WE
DON'T HAVE ENOUGH SECURITY.
OUR CARRIER COULD DROP US.
NO INSURANCE, NO PRACTICE.
YOU THINK SHE'S LITIGIOUS?
>> YOU GUYS NEED TO MAKE NICE,
AND FAST.
>> SHE'S HITLER IN UGGS,
AND SHE'S SMELLY, AND I NEED YOU
TO PROTECT ME FROM HER, OK?
THAT'S ALL I'M ASKING.
>> THAT'S FREDDY PRUNE,
THE SHOW'S CREATOR. AND THIS IS
THE SET. THIS IS WHERE MR. STONE
AND, UH--OH, LOOK WHO IT IS.
>> HEY.
>> PLEASE, NOTHING ABOUT HER
WEIGHT. SHE'S VERY SENSITIVE.
>> HI, DAWN. KATE. NICE TO MEET
YOU. SEAN HAS TOLD ME SO MANY
NICE THINGS ABOUT YOU. HEY, YOU.
>> HEY. HI.
>> YOU LOOK SO HANDSOME.
OH, THANK YOU. DAWN, THAT'S
REALLY SWEET. I HEAR THAT YOU
ARE HOPING TO MEET MY HANDSOME
COSTAR. I HAPPEN TO KNOW WHERE
HE HANGS OUT, SO, YOU KNOW,
I'LL TAKE HER OVER
TO AIDAN'S TRAILER.
[CELLPHONE RINGS]
>> HMM.
>> YEAH.
>> HMM.
>> [MOUTHS WORDS]
>> YEAH. LET'S GO. I KNOW.
HE'S SO CUTE AND NICE.
>> HELLO.
>> ANNIE'S BEEN EXPELLED, SEAN,
AND WE'VE GOTTA DRIVE UP THERE.
>> SHE WHAT?
>> EVEN PRETTIER THAN ME.
>> HEY, HEY, HEY! HEADS UP!
>> DAWN!
>> HEY! HEADS UP!
>> COME ON.
>> WHAT HAPPENED? OH, MY GOD.
*** IT--ARE WE INSURED
FOR THIS? SOMEBODY CHECK THE
INSURANCE RIGHT NOW. HOW THE
HECK DID--WE JUST HAD A SAFETY
MEETING. *** IT. [SIGHS]
>> ♪ OOH, DREAM WEAVER,
I BELIEVE YOU CAN GET ME... ♪
>> HI.
>> ♪ THROUGH THE NIGHT ♪
>> I'M FREDDY. ARE YOU OK?
>> ♪ OOH, DREAM WEAVER ♪
>> THE WORLD WE'RE PASSING ALONG
TO THIS GENERATION CREATES
A CHALLENGE. THERE'S SO MUCH
DARKNESS AND CORRUPTION, AND
AS WE SEE HERE TODAY, THEY'RE
RESPONDING IN DISTURBING WAYS.
CLEARLY MANY OF THEM ARE
DESPERATE TO BREATHE LIFE
INTO THEIR BLEAK VISION
OF THE FUTURE.
>> LET ME ASK YOU THIS,
MR. BLUNT. WHAT IF A STUDENT'S
PROBLEMS AREN'T ABOUT THIS
DARK WORLD, BUT RATHER WERE
INSTIGATED BY A DISTURBED
PSYCHOPATH RIGHT HERE AT PRESTON
WHO SET HER SIGHTS
ON MY DAUGHTER?
>> SEAN, NOW ANNIE HAS GOT
PROBLEMS THAT WE CANNOT BLAME
ON SOMEONE WHO SHE'S ONLY KNOWN
FOR A FEW MONTHS.
>> A FEW MONTHS AGO, ANNIE WAS
A VERY SANE AND INNOCENT GIRL.
>> IT'S ALWAYS DIFFICULT TO FACE
THE SHORTCOMINGS OF OUR
CHILDREN. YOUR DAUGHTER WAS
CAUGHT IN A HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE
LIAISON. IT'S A ZERO-TOLERANCE
OFFENCE. BOTH ANNIE AND CHRIS
SOLOMON, THE YOUNG MAN WITH
WHOM SHE WAS FOUND IN THE NORTH
STABLE, ARE BEING ASKED TO
PACK UP AND VACATE IMMEDIATELY.
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
>> THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT. WHY
ARE YOU TRYING TO DESTROY US?
>> I DON'T WANNA DESTROY YOU,
SEAN. I JUST WANNA HAVE
A LITTLE BIT OF FUN.
>> PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON.
WE'RE GOING TO THE HEADMASTER'S
OFFICE, AND YOU'RE GONNA EXPLAIN
THAT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S
BEEN TEACHING MY DAUGHTER
ABOUT ORAL SEX.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT BLUNT LIKES?
BLUNT LIKES WHEN I SUCK HIS
BALLS. HE WOULDN'T WANNA HEAR
ANYTHING BAD ABOUT ME.
HE LIKES ME.
>> WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? I DON'T
UNDERSTAND. YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE.
YOU'RE SMART. YOUR MOTHER TRIES
TO BE A RESPONSIBLE PARENT.
>> YOU'VE GOT IT ALL BACKWARDS,
SEAN. I'M THE FAIRY GODMOTHER.
ANNIE NEEDS TO LEARN HOW TO
ATTRACT THE BOY SHE'S
BEEN FANTASIZING ABOUT.
I KNOW YOU FANTASIZE ABOUT ME
WHILE YOU'RE PUMPING AWAY
ON LITTLE MISS JENNY CRAIG.
>> JESUS CHRIST.
>> DOES FATTY DUMPSTER SWALLOW?
BET SHE'S TOO WORRIED ABOUT
THE CALORIES.
>> YOU LEAVE KATE OUT OF THIS.
>> ALL THAT ANGER. IT'S 'CAUSE
YOU'RE FIGHTING WHAT YOU WANT,
SEAN. I LOVE TO SWALLOW.
I TAUGHT MYSELF TO DEEP-THROAT
USING A NUMBING SPRAY.
>> YOU LISTEN TO ME. THE PEOPLE
WHO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU
ARE PREDATORS. THEY'RE PATHETIC
PREDATORS. I DO NOT *** AFTER
YOU. IN FACT, THE HARDER YOU
TRY, THE MORE YOU TURN ME OFF.
>> MMM.
>> JUST STAY AWAY FROM ME.
>> STAY AWAY FROM YOU OR FROM
ANNIE? WHAT'S YOUR REAL FEAR,
SEAN, THAT I'LL CORRUPT ANNIE
OR THAT I'LL CORRUPT YOU?
>> SAYING A FEW LAST-MINUTE
HAIL MARYS, SISTER? IT'S A WASTE
OF TIME. YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE
THANKS TO GOOD, OLD-FASHIONED
SURGICAL EXPERTISE. YOU'LL NEED
TO TAKE THAT OFF BEFORE SURGERY.
>> WILL YOU HELP ME, DOCTOR?
>> OF COURSE. [CLEARS THROAT]
[MONITOR BEEPING]
THERE YOU GO.
>> I WANT YOU TO TAKE IT.
PRAY WITH IT EVERY NOW AND THEN.
>> I GAVE UP PRAYING WHEN I WAS
10 YEARS OLD.
>> PRAYER IS VERY POWERFUL,
DR. TROY. DID YOU READ ABOUT
WHAT HAPPENED IN AUSTRALIA?
>> NO, I DIDN'T.
>> WELL, THEY'RE HAVING A
TERRIBLE DROUGHT, AND THE PRIME
MINISTER ASKED EVERYONE TO PRAY
FOR RAIN, AND THE NEXT DAY, IT
RAINED ALL ACROSS NORTHWESTERN
VICTORIA, THE VERY NEXT DAY.
>> WELL, THAT'S GOOD
TO KNOW THAT THE SOLUTION
TO GLOBAL WARMING IS JUST
A ROSARY BEAD AWAY.
>> WELL, EVEN A MAN OF SCIENCE
CAN RESPECT EMPIRICAL EVIDENCE.
>> HERE'S A PIECE OF EMPIRICAL
EVIDENCE FOR YOU. EVERY NIGHT
WHEN I WAS A KID, I USED TO
KNEEL IN FRONT OF MY BED AND
PRAY TO GOD THAT MY FOSTER
FATHER WOULDN'T COME BACK INTO
MY ROOM, AND EVERY NIGHT,
HE CAME BACK IN ANYWAY. SO GOD
LISTENS TO THE AUSTRALIAN
FARMERS, BUT HE DOESN'T LISTEN
TO AN INNOCENT BOY WHO'S BEING
SODOMIZED BY AN EVIL PSYCHOPATH.
>> I'M SO SORRY.
THERE'S NO WAY I CAN KNOW WHAT
GOD'S PLAN WAS, BUT I KNOW
HE HAD ONE, AND SOMETIMES
WE HAVE TO FOCUS OUR PRAYERS
ON HAVING THAT REVEALED TO US.
THAT'S HOW I WAS SAVED.
>> HEH. THE TRUTH IS I DON'T
WANNA BE SAVED, SISTER. MAYBE
YOU SHOULD'VE FOUND YOURSELF
A MORE PIOUS SURGEON.
>> NOPE. I'M GLAD IT'S YOU.
THERE'S A GLIMMER OF TRUE LIGHT
IN THOSE EYES, AND I CAN SEE IT
FIGHTING FOR A PLACE AT THE
TABLE. JUST TAKE IT. FOR ME.
>> WHATEVER MAKES THE PATIENT
MORE COMFORTABLE.
>> HOW ARE YOU FEELING, DAWN?
>> THEY SAY I'M LUCKY I DIDN'T
DIE, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M LUCKY I GOT HIT BY THAT
300-POUND LIGHT. HAD I BEEN
ANYWHERE ELSE IN THE WORLD,
I NEVER WOULD HAVE FOUND MY
RAISON D'ETRE. IT'S MY BLISS.
FREDERIC CHRISTOPHER PRUNE.
>> SHE SAW STARS, GENTLEMEN, AND
SO DID I. TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
I'D GIVEN UP ON LOVE. I MADE UP
MY MIND THAT ROMANCE WAS GONNA
HAVE TO BREAK DOWN MY DOOR AND
DRAG ME KICKING FROM MY PRATESI
SHEETS. I CERTAINLY WAS NOT
GONNA WASTE ANY MORE TIME ON THE
CALIBER OF WOMAN YOU NORMALLY
MEET IN THIS TOWN. AND THEN...
[DREAM WEAVER PLAYING]
I MET MY DAWN, A REAL WOMAN WITH
A REAL SOUL AND A HEART OF GOLD.
AND JESUS CHRIST, TAKE ONE LOOK
AT HER. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DO
TO ME, DARLING?
>> HMM. TELL ME.
>> YOU LOOK LIKE A BUTTERCUP,
AND YOU TURN MY FREAKING CRANK
AROUND AND AROUND AND AROUND
AND AROUND.
>> WELL, THAT CRAZY CUPID
IS JUST FULL OF SURPRISES,
ISN'T HE?
[CELLPHONE RINGS]
>> WHAT, ARE YOU 90?! JESUS.
IT'S A TEXT MESSAGE.
>> I GUESS I SHOULD READ
THE MANUAL. SORRY.
UH, FAMILY STUFF. ANYWAY,
CONGRATULATIONS.
>> YEAH, WE'RE THRILLED FOR YOU,
ENVIOUS, IN FACT. HEH.
>> BOY, FREDDY.
>> YOU KNOW, DOCTORS, I'M VERY
INTUITIVE, EXTREMELY INTUITIVE,
AND I DO HAPPEN TO KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.
>> WELL, FREDDY, YOU HAVE TO
ADMIT, YOU DO HAVE A CERTAIN...
>> WHAT? SENSE OF STYLE?
WAY WITH A BON MOT? PASSION FOR
THE GENIUS OF STEPHEN SONDHEIM?
COME ON. GIVE ME A BREAK.
LET'S GET IN THE 2007s, WILL YA?
I MEAN, FRANKLY I'M DISAPPOINTED
IN YOU, ESPECIALLY YOU. DON'T
KNOW WHY. FROM YOU, I EXPECT
THIS. I MEAN, WHAT DO I HAVE TO
DO, SHOW YOU MY FANTASY FOOTBALL
ROSTER? TERRELL OWENS IS
STINKIN' UP THE JOINT. YOU WANT
HIM? TAKE HIM OFF MY HANDS.
MAYBE I CAN JUMP OVER THAT
FAGGY TABLE OF YOURS AND BEAT
THE LIVING *** OUT OF YOU.
HOW ABOUT THAT? I'M SORRY.
IT'S JUST A LITTLE IGNORANT--
>> LISTEN, LET ME CUT TO THE
CHASE, OK, FELLAS? FREDDY PRUNE
IS PACKIN'. FREDDY PRUNE GIVES
WICKED HEAD. FREDDY PRUNE
RIDES ME LIKE HE IS THE KING
OF THE FREAKIN' RODEO.
>> ANY QUESTIONS?
>> OK. NOW THAT WE'VE CLEARED
THAT UP, FREDDY, WHY DON'T YOU
TELL US WHAT YOU DON'T LIKE
ABOUT YOURSELF.
>> HE NEEDS AS ***-LIFT. I CALL
HIM MR. WAFFLE BUTT. FLAT AS
A PANCAKE, CUTE LITTLE CRATERS.
SHOW HIM, SWEETHEART.
[CELLPHONE RINGS]
CHRIST, WHAT IS THIS,
HOMEROOM AT HOLLYWOOD HIGH?
ANSWER IT, ALREADY.
>> UH, LOOK, UH, MY PARTNER'LL
HAVE TO FINISH THE CONSULT.
I GOT NANNY PROBLEMS.
>> UH...
[CLOCK TICKING]
[DOOR CLOSES]
>> AHH!
>> 911. WHAT'S YOUR EMERGENCY?
>> I WANNA REPORT A WOMAN
IN SEVERE HYPOTHERMIA.
HER BODY'S BEEN IN ICE.
>> DOES THE PATIENT HAVE
A PULSE?
>> NO.
>> YOU NEED ME TO TALK YOU
THROUGH C.P.R.?
>> NO. I'M A DOCTOR. SHE NEEDS
WARMING FLUIDS. HOW SOON
WILL THEY BE HERE?
>> 5 TO 10 MINUTES.
>> [SIGHS]
PLEASE, GOD. PLEASE, GOD,
DON'T LET HER DIE. CHRIST,
I'LL NEVER--I'LL NEVER PLAY WITH
PEOPLE--PEOPLE'S LIVES AGAIN.
I PROMISE. I'LL...
[SIREN APPROACHING]
>> [GASPING]
[PIANO PLAYING]
[DISPATCH CHATTER]
[SIREN]
[DISPATCH CHATTER]
[SIRENS]
Splack Pack:
♪ JUST SHAKE THAT ***, ***,
AND LET ME SEE WHAT YOU GOT,
JUST SHAKE THAT ***, ***,
AND LET ME SEE WHAT YOU GOT,
JUST SHAKE THAT ***, ***,
AND LET ME SEE WHAT YOU GOT ♪
>> LOOK AT THAT GORGEOUS BUMPER.
FREDDY IS TASTY AND DELICIOUS
AS A CINNABON, BUT HALF
THE CALORIES. HA HA HA.
CINNA-BUN. YOU GET IT?
>> OH, JESUS, BELIEVE ME,
I GOT IT.
>> OK.
>> YEAH, NO SITTING FOR A WEEK,
AND I WANT YOU SLEEPING
ON YOUR SIDE, OK?
>> TELL ME ABOUT IT.
>> WHAT, SO NO HUMPY-HUMPY?
>> PRINCESS, FOR GOD SAKE,
MY *** FEELS LIKE IT JUST
GOT ATTACKED BY A SWARM
OF KILLER BEES. NO JOKE.
>> OH, BABY. BABY.
>> DAWN, COULD I, UM, TALK TO
YOU IN MY OFFICE? JUST TO GO
OVER SOME, UH, BILLING DETAILS.
>> BILLING? YOU SAID THIS
SURGERY WAS ON THE HOUSE
BECAUSE OF MY *** BANDIT TRAUMA.
I'M STILL HAVING FLASHBACKS,
AREN'T I? AREN'T I, FREDDY?
>> DAWN, LOOK AT ME. IT'S ALL
IN THE PAST. LOOK IN MY EYES
AND SAY, "IT'S ALL IN THE PAST."
>> IT'S ALL IN THE PAST.
>> JUST SOME MINOR DETAILS
WHILE FREDDY RESTS.
>> YOU GET 5 MINUTES, OK, HONEY?
CLOSE YOUR EYES.
>> COME BACK SOON.
>> COUNT TO 10.
>> COME BACK QUICK.
COME BACK QUICK.
>> IT'S ALL IN THE PAST.
>> I DON'T ACTUALLY NEED TO TALK
TO YOU ABOUT PAYMENT. I WANNA
TALK ABOUT YOU AND FREDDY.
>> STOP RIGHT THERE. I'M WAY
AHEAD OF YOU, DOC. I KNOW HE'S
OUT OF MY LEAGUE. HE'S TOO GOOD
FOR ME. HE'S TOO SMART. HE'S TOO
FAMOUS. HE'S TOO SEXY. YOU KNOW,
HE COULD BE BANGIN' JENNIFER
ANISTON RIGHT NOW, BUT HE'S NOT.
HE CHOSE ME FOR THE MOMENT.
>> I DON'T THINK IT'S
JENNIFER ANISTON YOU SHOULD
BE WORRIED ABOUT.
>> COULD BE RIGHT. HE'S ALWAYS
HAD A THING FOR *** BLONDES.
YOU KNOW, HE STILL CRIES
OVER ANNA NICOLE.
>> DAWN, PLEASE, LISTEN TO ME.
JUST LISTEN TO ME. OK, YOU'RE
A VERY LOVABLE PERSON, AND I
JUST WANNA MAKE SURE YOU'RE
WITH A MAN WHO LOVES YOU
FOR THE RIGHT REASONS.
>> I'M FINE, DR. TROY.
I'M WALKIN' ON AIR. IT'S A RUSH
YOU CAN'T IMAGINE, TRULY,
GIVING YOURSELF OVER TO ANOTHER
PERSON, SCHEMING TO MAKE
ALL THEIR DREAMS COME TRUE.
IT'S CALLED UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
YOU SHOULD TRY IT.
[DING]
[MONITOR BEEPING]
>> GOOD EVENING, MR. PRUNE.
>> [SIGHS] ARE YOU
THE NIGHT NURSEY?
>> I'M DR. GEORGE.
I'M HERE TO COLLECT
A STOOL SAMPLE.
[SQUIRT]
IF YOU'LL RAISE YOUR KNEES
FOR ME.
AND BREATHE.
[GROANS]
[WATER BUBBLING]
>> TELL ME WHAT YOU DON'T LIKE
ABOUT YOURSELF.
>> FIRST LET ME TELL YOU
WHAT I LIKE ABOUT HER.
HER ***. IT'S SOFT AND TIGHT
AND PINK.
>> I DON'T WANNA HEAR THIS.
NOTHING GOOD WILL COME FROM THIS
KIND OF TALK. NOW, WHAT CAN I DO
FOR YOU?
>> IT'S TOO LATE, DOC. THE
DAMAGE IS DONE. I SLEPT WITH
HER. I WAS WEAK. I COULDN'T--
I COULDN'T RESIST. I THOUGHT
I COULD TRUST HER. I THOUGHT
SHE'D KEEP THE SECRET,
BUT SHE TOLD EVERYONE. SHE TOLD
EVERYONE. I'M NOT EVEN A DOCTOR
ANYMORE. SHE LIED. SHE TOLD 'EM
THAT I *** HER, AND THEY TOOK
EVERYTHING AWAY FROM ME,
MY LICENSE TO PRACTICE. MY...
FAMILY, THEY DESPISE ME NOW FOR
WHAT I DID. AND MY PARTNER'S
DONE WITH ME, TOO. HE CALLED ME
A RANK PIECE OF ***.
CAN YOU HELP ME?
>> THERE'S NO CURE FOR YOUR KIND
OF WEAKNESS. I'M A SURGEON,
NOT A WITCH DOCTOR.
>> PLEASE, CUT THEM OFF.
>> I'M SORRY?
>> MY BALLS, YOU IDIOT. JUST CUT
'EM OFF. I MEAN, HAVE SOME
*** PITY AND CUT 'EM OFF
BEFORE THEY KILL ME.
>> LISTEN TO ME. GET AHOLD
OF YOURSELF. I'M NOT CUTTING
ANYTHING OFF.
>> IT'S MY ONLY HOPE. I HAVE NO
WILL, NO STRENGTH. IF YOU DON'T
CUT 'EM OFF, I'M A DEAD MAN.
FINE. YOU WON'T DO IT, I WILL.
ENH. YAH HAAH!
>> HEY, SEXY, I WAS OVER AT
THE FARMERS MARKET. I THOUGHT
I'D SURPRISE YOU. ARE YOU OK?
THE TOMATOES WERE SO GORGEOUS,
AND THEY HAD SOME REALLY FRESH
BASIL, SO I THOUGHT I WOULD
SURPRISE YOU AND MAKE US
A CAPRESE SALAD FOR LUNCH.
OH, AND I ALSO GOT THE MOST
AMAZING ORGANIC PEACHES.
[CHUCKLES]
THEY'RE THE LAST ONES OF THE
SEASON. AREN'T THEY AMAZING?
MM-HMM. YEAH.
>> YOU LOOK PRETTY TODAY.
>> MM. THANKS.
>> IT WAS A WEIRD DAY.
I DO LOVE YOU, KATE.
>> MM. 4 1/2 POUNDS DOWN,
AND I'M LOVABLE AGAIN.
>> YOU'RE ALWAYS LOVABLE.
YOU'RE A WONDERFUL GIRL. WOMAN.
I THINK WE SHOULD GET MARRIED.
>> DR. TROY.
>> HEY, SISTER. I, UH, BROUGHT
YOUR ST. CHRISTOPHER. WELL,
ACTUALLY, THE ONE YOU GAVE ME,
I FORGOT ABOUT AND LEFT IT IN
A PAIR OF PANTS THAT WENT TO
THE CLEANERS, AND SOMEBODY THERE
MUST HAVE NEEDED SOME KIND
OF SALVATION, BECAUSE, UH,
IT DIDN'T COME BACK.
>> HMM.
>> SO I GOT YOU THIS ONE.
IT'S, UH, 22-KARET GOLD.
I GOT IT FROM AN ESTATE JEWELER.
>> THAT WASN'T NECESSARY,
BUT THANK YOU.
>> HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
>> ITCHY, BUT, UH, SIGNS OF
HEALING. YOU MENTIONED THAT.
>> YEAH. YEAH, IT CAN DEFINITELY
BE UNCOMFORTABLE. SO LOOK,
I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY. I, UH--
I TREATED YOU DISRESPECTFULLY.
>> APOLOGY ACCEPTED, AND AGAIN,
IT'S NOT NECESSARY, BUT
APPRECIATED. SO I GUESS I'LL SEE
YOU FOR THE STITCHES REMOVAL.
>> YEAH. YEP. THAT YOU WILL.
WOULD YOU CONSIDER PRAYING
WITH ME?
>> I'M ALWAYS INTERESTED
IN PRAYING. WHAT ARE WE
PRAYING FOR?
>> I DON'T KNOW.