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The following program is a production
of Truth For The World.
íMU "Day by day and with each passing moment,
strength I find to meet my trials here.
Trusting in my Father's wise bestowment,
I've no cause for worry or for fear." íMU
"Wives, love your husbands."
Hello and welcome to the program Words To Live By.
In this series of programs,
we are examining the home and the family.
And while this topic is too broad and vast for us to be able
to cover every scenario or potential idea for discussion,
we do hope to give you God's instructions for the home
and family and thus give you Words To Live By.
You can then take these words and use them as your rules
and guidelines to follow when making decisions
about your own situations regarding the home and family.
We are examining the roles and responsibilities of people
within the home and family.
And in our last program,
Cliff Goodwin began a study called Wives,
Love Your Husbands.
In that program, he pointed out that the older,
faithful women were to teach the younger woman
to regard their husbands and keep their families.
He also said that wives complete the husbands.
When we look at the book of Genesis,
we see that God said it was not good for man to be alone,
so he created woman as a help meet, or appropriate, for him.
In this program, Cliff Goodwin returns to look
at the three ways that husbands need the wives.
First, he will talk about how the husband needs the
wife domestically.
Then he will cover how husbands need wives sexually.
Finally, he will talk about how husbands need wives both
spiritually and emotionally.
Most of our Bible text today will come from the book
of Proverbs, so if you'd like to open your Bible and go ahead
and turn over there now.
Cliff Goodwin is going to finish up this lesson called Wives,
Love Your Husbands, as we continue to look at the roles
and responsibilities of how individuals are to act
and fulfill their responsibilities
within the home and family.
Open your Bibles with us now
as Cliff Goodwin will finish off this particular lesson.
But now, number two, as we proceed to the second area
in which your husband needs you to love him,
he depends on you sexually.
I don't know if you've ever looked at it this way,
but each of you in the audience, husbands and wives,
try to go back briefly now in your minds to your wedding day.
Try to go back visually in your minds to that day
that you stood, probably facing one another,
holding each other's hands and on the day
that you therein vowed yourselves to each other
until death do you part.
Go back to your wedding day.
Now, sisters, and for that matter, also brothers,
I don't know if you have ever looked at it this way,
but on that day when you vowed yourselves to each other,
let me tell you something you were saying, in essence.
You were saying, whether it came out explicitly
or not, you were saying this.
You were agreeing to be the only acceptable and proper source
of *** fulfillment for your spouse
for the rest of his or her life.
The way Brother Allen Webster put it, I think,
not in this Power Volume but in another one,
the one dealing with Proverbs.
When we agreed, when I agreed to become Beth's husband
and Beth agreed to become my wife,
we were agreeing implicitly that I was going
to be her only source, her only hope for *** fulfillment
and she was agreeing to that for me.
And thereby is implied that we're not only
to be sexually available
but also sexually responsive to our spouses.
Now the day that you vowed yourselves to each other,
that is what you were agreeing to.
And friends, those of us who are trying
to live the Christian life,
those of us who understand fornication is a damnable sin,
adultery is a damnable sin - we have tied ourselves
and have limited ourselves, as God would have us,
only to use our spouse.
I think sometimes over the years of a marriage that is less
than what it should be, I think even wives who are members
of the Lord's church lose sight of that fact.
They lose sight of the fact that the rest of the world,
regarding *** expression and *** fulfillment, is a dry,
arid desert so far as their husbands should be concerned.
That she only as his wife, is his only oasis
in this desert wasteland of sexuality.
That is a weighty responsibility,
a weighty responsibility, not only for wives
but also for husbands.
I want you to turn over with me
to First Corinthians chapter seven.
Brother Robert R. Taylor dealt with this, but of course,
the nature of his lecture yesterday had to cover
so much material in a limited amount of time, he was not able
to deal with it very long or very much in depth.
I am not going to try to do that either but I am going to touch
on it again this morning.
In First Corinthians chapter seven,
we see here the Bible's teaching that not only are wives
but husbands also, spouses, are to provide
for each other sexually.
Notice in First Corinthians 7 and verse 2, "Nevertheless,"
Paul writes, "to avoid fornication,
let every man have his own wife," - singular,
and it's not only monogamous there but it's exclusive,
she is my own wife, I am her own husband.
Notice the conclusion in verse two, not only monogamy
but also exclusiveness.
Verse three, "Let the husband render unto the wife due
benevolence:" - let him be sexually available,
sexually responsive to his wife and likewise,
also the wife be sexually available
and sexually responsive to the husband.
Verse four, "The wife hath not power of her own body,
but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power
of his own body, but the wife."
See, many times we lose sight of that.
The day that I committed myself to Beth Williams, on that day,
my body was no longer mine and it hasn't been since.
And on that day, from that day forward,
her body is no longer hers, that body belongs to me now.
We belong to each other mutually.
Then verse five, and I like the way Brother Taylor dealt
with this yesterday, a statement that stuck in my mind -
he called it, I think, *** blackmail.
There is no place in the Christian home,
there is no place in any home
as God would have it, for *** blackmail.
Paul says "defraud," that word means cheat,
cheat ye not one the other.
In other words, don't withhold yourself
from your spouse sexually, "except it be
with mutual consent, for a time," a temporary period,
"that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer."
Then Paul says, "Come together again, that Satan tempt you not
for your incontinency," your lack of control, perhaps.
Friends, here, the Bible makes it crystal clear that we are
to be available to each other sexually.
But let me tell you something I've found
in my studies along these lines.
You read First Corinthians 7 and you hear preachers preach
on First Corinthians 7, and you know, if we are not careful,
I fear, sometimes, audiences may come away
with the wrong impression of this text.
If you are not careful, I feel like sometimes,
the impression you leave with after hearing a preacher deal
with these verses is, "Well, I've got to do it.
You know, I am married now, and I am a wife or I am a husband
and so, you know, it's just my duty
to be sexually available to my spouse."
Let me tell you something I have found: regarding sexuality,
I think, in the New Testament the aspect
of its holiness is stressed in the New Testament more.
It is very holy as God would have it to be.
In the Old Testament, at least my impression, human sexuality,
the holiness likewise is stressed of it,
but even more brought out in the Old Testament is the happiness
of it.
Friends, for husbands and wives, our attitude toward this aspect
of our relationship should not be one, simply of duty.
"You know, I've got to do this," I am going
to begrudgingly comply.
That's not the Biblical attitude.
One book I read, this was a number of years ago
when I was studying for a particular series or something,
the way the authors put it just astounded me
because I had never heard it put so plainly
and yet so accurately.
They said - it was a husband and wife writing together -
they said, "We cannot overestimate the importance
of people understanding the Bible's pro-*** message."
You don't think in those terms, do you?
Often times you may not.
See, we hear many sermons about the improper place of sexuality,
fornication, adultery, homosexuality,
that if weren't careful, sometimes we forget
that God has glorified this in the home
between husband and wife.
It is a very beautiful thing.
I want to show you one passage from the Old Testament
that substantiates what I said about the Old Testament seeming
to emphasize the happiness,
whereas the New Testament often seems to emphasize the holiness.
And both are involved.
I want you to turn over to Proverbs chapter 5
with me, Proverbs chapter 5.
Here the wise man - he's not writing to women.
But he is writing to his son or his pupil regarding things
that are going to be beneficial to both males and females,
so we can make the application.
Notice in Proverbs 5 and verse 15, Solomon councils his pupil.
He says, "Drink waters out of thine own cistern,
and running waters out of thine own well.
Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad,
and rivers of waters in the streets."
I prefer the American Standard there in verse 16, which puts it
in the form of a question.
In other words, should your fountains be dispersed abroad
or should your rivers of waters be in the streets?
Now, what he is dealing with here, using the figure of water,
is the *** relationship.
He is dealing with, in verses 15 and 16,
with the idea of faithfulness.
I am going to give you three "F's."
The first one is faithfulness from these first two verses.
He says, "Look, you need to be faithful to your wife,
young man," and by contrast - not by contrast,
but on the other side of the coin, "you need to be faithful
to your husband, young lady."
Be faithful.
Drink water only from your own cistern, your private well
and running waters out of your own well.
Instead, verse 16, if you go to other sources
for this fulfillment, it is like drinking the polluted water
that runs in gutters, the waters in the streets, verse 16.
Too many men and women alike do not realize that.
Faithfulness.
Now let's notice verse 17 and 18.
He says, "Let them be only thine own,
and not strangers' with thee."
Keep your spouse to yourself, keep yourself to your spouse
so as to keep each other mutually satisfied.
Verse 18, "Let thy fountain be blessed:
and rejoice with the wife of thy youth."
Verse 19, "Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe;
et her *** satisfy thee at all times;
and be thou ravished always with her love."
Solomon here uses a word - the word translated
"ravished" is also a Hebrew word,
which translated also means "intoxicated."
And so he's counseling his young son, perhaps a young husband,
he says, "Look, now that you are married or if not,
when you get married," he says,
"you need to always be intoxicated with the love
of your wife, you don't need to go after these other women."
But wives, the plain and simple fact remains
if you are not available that's going
to be an impediment to this in verse 19.
Your husbands need you to love them sexually.
Here in verses 17 and 18 and 19,
these three really, this is fascination.
We see the faithfulness of that marital relationship
but we also see the fascination that husbands and wives are
to work at keeping for each other down through verse 19.
And then notice in verse 20, "And why wilt thou, my son,
be ravished with a strange woman,
and embrace the *** of a stranger?"
The final "F" here is foolishness.
It is foolish for men and women, husbands and wives,
not to cherish, not to revel in that *** aspect
of the relationship,
appreciating what they have and protecting it.
It is foolish not to do that
and to go outside the marriage relationship to seek
that *** fulfillment.
So, remember the faithfulness, the fascination
and the foolishness that Solomon deals with there.
Now, as our time's about gone, we need to move
to the third area in which, wives,
your husbands need you to love them.
They need you to love them domestically, they need you
to love them sexually, but they also need you
to love them spiritually.
And, yes, even men need to be loved emotionally.
I know the stereotype is
that women are the more emotional gender, right?
That is the stereotype.
Women are emotional, we men, we're logical and there is a lot
of truth in that, a lot of truth.
But be that as it may, still, we as men, logical men,
we still need to be loved emotionally.
Now, what do we mean by that?
I want you to turn over first of all,
let's go to Ephesians chapter 5.
Now I am lumping these two together, I am lumping spiritual
and emotional love together,
even though they are not the same.
Ok? They are different.
But I'm lumping them together, because for the intent
of our discussion today, there are some things
that maybe go hand in hand.
First of all, let's deal with the spiritual emphasis.
Wives, your husbands need you to love them spiritually.
Now the way that you best love your husband spiritually is
by urging him, encouraging him and allowing him
to fulfill his spiritual role.
His spiritual role is to be the head of your household,
the head of you, the wife, the head of your children.
He is to be the spiritual head of that household
and you can love him best by urging him to do that,
encouraging him, building him up to do that and, perhaps,
most importantly, allowing him to do that.
Read in Ephesians 5: 25 beginning.
Paul said, "Husbands, love your wives,
even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing
of the water by the word.
That he might present it to himself a glorious church,
not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing;
but that it should be holy and without blemish."
What was, or what is the final end, or the final objective
of Christ's love for the church?
His final objective was to take the church to heaven.
Now, wives, the final objective of your love
for your husband should be to help your husband go to heaven
and to go to heaven with him and to go
to heaven with your children.
But if you do not encourage him and allow him
to be the spiritual head of your home,
then you are not doing that.
What does it mean to be the spiritual head of the home?
Let me tell you some of what it means.
Men, it means that when it gets right down to brass tacks,
as we say, when the rubber meets the road,
you have to make the hard decisions.
Now he is a fool who makes those hard decisions alone.
He is a fool who does not seek the council and input
of his wife, but when all things are said and done,
you cannot let the hard decisions fall on her shoulders.
They are not her responsibility, they are yours.
What hard decisions are you talking about, preacher?
Well, what about job decisions?
Decisions in your job, decisions that are going
to affect how much time you're away from them,
how much time you are away from the assemblies of the church,
what part of the country you're going
to relocate your family to, what kind of influence are you going
to be exposed to on a daily basis.
That is a hard decision.
You see why husbands and wives have to talk
about those things together, absolutely.
But the final decision has to be the man's.
Men, you have to make the right decision.
And wives, he needs you to be supportive.
If he makes the right spiritual decision, which is going
to prove to be best for your family best
for your congregational life as a family in the church
and that means that he is going
to be losing twenty thousand dollars a year, wives,
he needs your support in that.
He does not need you throwing it up in his face,
"Well you could be making a whole lot more money right now."
All the time having to defend, "Yeah,
but we probably wouldn't be faithful ten years
from now either."
Tell you what, there's some hard decisions that husbands have
to be make, and wives, you love your husbands spiritually
by encouraging him and allowing him
to make those proper decisions and supporting him
in the decisions that he makes.
Also, love him emotionally in many respects in that vein.
I had intended to say much more about this,
but time is not going to permit me to.
But one final thing about loving your husbands emotionally.
I want you to turn over to the book of Proverbs with me.
This is how we are going to begin our conclusion.
I know it is a stereotype and I know it is not all together fair
but you are familiar with the stereotype of the, quote,
"nagging wife," right?
Brother Mosher touched on this briefly last hour.
Friends, sometimes we get all up in arms about stereotypes,
but what baffles me and what I don't understand people won't
realize, things become stereotypes for a reason.
Have you ever thought about that?
Does that say that men cannot be nagging and just despiteful?
No. Some husbands don't deserve the women
to whom they are married.
But in the makeup of a woman,
the way that you are put together as a woman
and in the makeup of your husband, as a man,
in the way that he is put together as a man,
there can especially be problems
in a marriage from a nagging wife.
Now, if that were not the case, then you tell me, pray tell,
why, does Solomon deal so often with it in the book of Proverbs?
Turn over with me to Proverbs chapter 19
and we will briefly go through these.
Look at verse 9, "It is better to dwell on the corner
of a housetop," you've heard this proverb,
"than with a brawling woman," - a contentious woman,
a quarrelsome woman, some modern translations read,
"in a wide house."
Have you ever known people who would rather fight than breath?
You have been around those people.
Some people are not happy unless they are stirring up strife.
Right? And what's bad, what's really bad, is when we as wives
or when we as husbands, when we somehow adopt
that mentality in the home.
I think some couples would rather fight than they had
to live in peace and harmony.
That is wrong whether the woman is contributing
to that or the man.
Move down to verse 19, he says it likewise, "It is better
to dwell in the wilderness
than with a contentious and an angry woman."
Sisters, if you have a hard time forgiving and forgetting,
then the end result of that is going to be anger.
It is going to be latent anger, that you're going to hold,
perhaps, over years, if not over decades.
And it's going to be your downfall spiritually,
and likely the downfall of your home.
It applies to men as well.
We need to forgive and forebear, Ephesians 4 and verse 32.
Now, move over to chapter 27,
these are not the only times Solomon deals with this.
Proverbs chapter 27 and verse 15, he says,
"A continual dropping," this is like a leak on a rainy day,
"a continual dropping in a very rainy day
and a contentious woman are alike."
You know how they are alike?
They both get old pretty quickly.
They really do.
They both get old pretty quickly.
Now, move over now to chapter 30.
Chapter 30 and verse 21,
"For three things the earth is disquieted," -
the earth cannot hold these things - "and for four
which it cannot bear:" then he gives four of them.
Number one, it's not befitting
when the servant is the one who reigns.
Number two, it's not befitting for a fool
to be filled with food.
Number three, now notice this, it's not befitting
that an odious woman be married.
Now, what does odious mean?
I had to look that up.
That word means hateful.
Now, ladies, if we allow the things of our lives
to so sour our dispositions, that we grow to be hateful,
unforgiving, quarrelsome, nagging persons,
how are we going to square that with what the Bible teaches?
There is no way.
Now it applies to the men as well.
In many aspects, it seems to be more of a problem, sometime,
for the feminine gender.
Not always, but there seems to be a propensity there,
if we are not careful.
Well, now, that I have made everybody mad,
I guess we can close, right?
Let's close our Bibles and let's be taking our song books out,
be opening to the song that was given a few moments ago.
Sisters, you can be the greatest gift that God has ever given
to your husband during your lifetime.
And I say this both to husbands and wives - we as spouses need
to know that we hold the happiness, we hold the happiness
of our spouse in the palm of our hand,
much like it were a little chick, a little chick.
You can cradle, you can caress, and you can protect
that happiness of your spouse or you can crush it.
You can help serve to make your spouse's life miserable.
That applies to both men and women.
Wives, please love your husbands.
Love them domestically, love them sexually
and love them emotionally and spiritually.
Friends, if you are here this morning
and you are not a Christian,
we want you to leave here a New Testament Christian.
We want you to place your faith in Jesus Christ, John 8:24.
We want you to repent, turn away
from sinful practice, Acts 17:30.
We want you to confess the sweet name of Jesus, Matthew 10:32
and 33, and we want to immerse you into Christ, buried with him
in the watery grave of baptism, for the remission
of your past sins, Acts 22:16.
We want you to leave here this morning saved,
and in a right relationship with God.
Brother or sister, if you have done those things
but you've not been living faithfully,
we want you to come home this morning, repent in your heart,
confess, "I have sinned," those three words.
We then can pray with you and pray for you and God assures us
that He will forgive you, 1 John 1 and verse 9.
There is so much work to do as a husband and wife,
work to keep yourself pure and growing
in the Christian virtues, work to get through the daily duties
of life, and providing for each other's needs.
But the love that can be shared
in the marriage relationship is a deep one,
and with the right partner, the husband
and wife can help each other get to Heaven.
The last few programs have been focusing on the husband and wife
in the home and family.
But our next lesson will begin to bring children
into the picture of the family, as we continue to look
at the roles and responsibilities of the members
within the home and family.
And then after we discuss roles and responsibilities, later,
we will have a series of lessons that deal
with threats to the family.
For continued growth, study the Bible, God's word.
You can also take advantage of our materials to aid you
in the study of God's word.
Feel free to use the materials
on our website www.truthfortheworld.org.
There you can find tracts, articles,
sign up for a free Bible Correspondence Course,
as well as radio and TV programs that you can hear and watch.
Be sure to be with us next time as we continue our study
on the home and family.
Garland Elkins will be leading us
in a lesson called Children's Responsibilities to Parents
and Parents' Responsibilities to Children, again,
as we continue looking at the roles and responsibilities
that all of us are to fulfill within our home and family.
But until that next lesson,
we hope that you will continue reading the Bible,
hope that you will continue taking advantage
of the resources that are on our website:
www.truthfortheworld.org, and follow God's commandments
as God has given us Words To Live By.
Truth For The World is a work of the Duluth Church of Christ
in cooperation with Churches of Christ throughout the world.
íMU "Day by day and with each passing moment,
strength I find to meet my trials here.
Trusting in my Father's wise bestowment,
I've no cause for worry or for fear." íMU