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Every Song Needs An Introduction
Because A Song Without An Introduction Is Like The Girls School Without Production
Dovid Nachman Just Looked At Me and Nodded I Think He Wants Me To Get Started
Testing Testing Eins Zwei Drei I Eat Cholov Yishmael With Every Bite
I Make Sure To Wear Shoes That Have On Them White
You think I don't break the rules You think I play it safe
Every single day I make the microwave treif
On my davening jacket I won't use the sleeves And I make 'em say "nu, get dressed pleased"
I fall asleep every single schmooze That's why it's called the erev Shabbos snooze
Davening is the time to be chillin' It doesn't even matter if we're wearing our tefillen
The Yeshiva will build us boys are own gym If the basketball team gets its first win
Instead of having oil that's called pizza I starve
And after every Mishmar I ditch mandatory Ma'ariv
I spoke to my good friend let's call him kvitel He helped me write this little schtickel
I should've got some help from a yenta named Meir
To make this song stick out just like his hair
I don't know why they make such a big fuss When I throw every feivel under the bus
I always make sure to wear super loud socks And I never put my real phone in the box
It's an embarrassing fact that sefira here is weird
Because not a single boy walks around with a beard
I don't talk to girls, not one bit If Rabbi Katzenstein knew his beard would
split
I come on time every single day But I keep getting tons of points anyway
I cruise around in my '05 Corolla Making fun of Yatarola
I feel like I rocking up the whole joint And now we're way past the halfway point
I know a guy who thinks he's better Because he doesn't wear a shirt underneath
The other guy I know is such a boss He has the most awesome barbeque sauce
Then there's Tina he's the definition of tall He's also terrified when it comes to holy
walls
Parah Adumah is for a Sotah What's that got to do with Red Bull being
kosher
We don't respect Kavod HaTorah We call him Mr. P. not Rebbe Morah
If Chumash shiur starts getting boring Don't fall asleep you might start snoring
Just because it's hefker doesn't mean you can't be rude
'Cause you can never forget "It's just food"
Therefore therefore for example You have to be very very careful
'Cause if you're not careful bad things will hap'm
Then you have to deal with the very angry Kap'm
I spoke to my heimeshe friend name Moshe He said I shoudn't pound so hard my Yetzer
Hora
Don't sit during leining, don't even touch your chair
It's not up for discussion 'till we get a flight of stairs
It's too bad that you just wanna blitz It's very hard to do unless you're Chaiby
or Yitz
When we go to weddings we take over We do the whole thing while we're sober
If Rabbi Hes finds out you broke the rules You'll get a lot more than a mussar schmooze
He'll stroke his beard and call you to talk It will shaf so much og sauce it will nisht
be geschmak
A viffle this off azoy fil that's Schtel tzu halt kup and get it down pat
I like using nicknames I don't even mind Ones like TJ and Mister are one of a kind
My number one frequent kasha Is asking everyone what's your Parsha
Tiferes Gedaliah bochurim are so finer You don't say original but algameiner
Too much of your time I'm already spending Now I'm gonna take you to the ending
I hope you like and I hope you enjoyed A song about a stam Yeshiva boy