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♪♪
>> Carson: THANK YOU, FELLAS.
WELCOME BACK.
IT'S A VERY EXCITED CROWD.
AND FOR GOOD REASON.
OUR GUEST TONIGHT IS ONE OF THE
MOST ACCLAIMED SINGERS AND
SONGWRITERS OF OUR TIME.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
HER LATEST ALBUM IS
"EXTRAORDINARY MACHINE."
PRETTY MUCH ON EVERYBODY'S LIST
AS ONE OF THE BEST OF '05.
HERE SHE IS, FIONA APPLE.
FIONA.
[ SCREAMS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪♪
>> Carson: PATIENCE, ALL RIGHT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
PLEASE, FIONA -- FIONA AND I
DON'T LIKE THAT KIND OF
ATTENTION.
[ CHEERS ]
WE JUST LIKE TO EAT OUR MEALS IN
PRIVATE, LIKE TWO NORMAL PEOPLE.
THIS IS INSIDE.
WE HAVE JUST EVERYBODY HERE,
OBVIOUSLY, HUGE FANS OF YOURS,
AS ARE WE.
[ SCREAMS AND APPLAUSE ]
BUT OUTSIDE, CAN WE GET A SHOT
OF OUTSIDE?
THERE'S LIKE 200 PEOPLE OUTSIDE
THAT COULDN'T EVEN GET IN.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
I HAD NOWHERE EVEN TO PUT THEM.
WE DIDN'T HAVE A BIG ENOUGH
STUDIO.
>> OH, MY GOODNESS.
>> Carson: THAT'S NEVER HAPPENED
BEFORE IN THE 22-YEAR HISTORY OF
THIS SHOW, THAT WE EVER HAD TO
LEAVE PEOPLE OUTSIDE.
>> DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUNNY?
IS THAT'S NOT GONNA HELP MY
SELF-ESTEEM AT ALL.
[ AUDIENCE AWS ]
>> Carson: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR
SELF-ESTEEM?
>> OH, OH, THAT'S A BAD SUBJECT.
LET'S GET ON TO --
[ AUDIENCE AWS ]
>> Carson: OH, IT'S ALL ABOUT
SELF-ESTEEM HERE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I'LL HOLD UP A PICTURE, YOU TELL
ME WHAT YOU SEE, FIONA.
[ LAUGHTER ]
CONGRATULATIONS ON THE RECORD.
AND HONESTLY, THANK YOU FOR
BEING HERE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
LET'S TALK ABOUT THE RECORD,
"EXTRAORDINARY MACHINE."
HOW MUCH TIME HAD ELAPSED
BETWEEN THIS AND THE LAST
RECORD?
SIX -- WAS IT SIX YEARS?
>> SIX YEARS.
>> Carson: WHAT WERE YOU DOING?
>> NOTHING.
>> Carson: JUST HANGING?
>> I REALLY WASN'T DOING MUCH AT
ALL.
I FEEL NOW, IN LOOKING BACK,
THAT I SHOULD HAVE BEEN DOING
SOMETHING INTERESTING SO THAT I
WOULD HAVE SOMETHING INTERESTING
TO TALK ABOUT WHEN THIS QUESTION
WAS ASKED OF ME.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND ALSO BECAUSE IT WOULD JUST
BE GOOD TO HAVE ACCOMPLISH
SOMETHING OVER SIX YEARS.
BUT I GUESS I WAS WRITING SOME,
AND THEN I ALSO, FOR A TIME, I
KINDA JUST DECIDED TO JUST FLY
EASY.
AND I GOT REALLY DEPENDENT ON
TELEVISION A LITTLE BIT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Carson: REALLY?
LIKE WHAT?
YOU WERE JUST SITTING AT HOME
WATCHING RERUNS?
>> WELL, JUST PRETTY MUCH JUST
"COLUMBO" RERUNS.
>> Carson: OH, I GOT THE
"COLUMBO" --
WHAT IS IT ABOUT "COLUMBO"?
YOU LOVE "COLUMBO."
>> I LOVE PETER FALK.
I -- HE MAKES ME HAPPY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Carson: IS THAT WHAT "RED RED
RED" IS ABOUT?
>> NO --
>> Carson: WHY DIDN'T YOU WRITE
ABOUT "COLUMBO" IN HERE?
>> I WAS ALREADY -- PROBABLY
'CAUSE I FINISHED AS MANY SONGS
AS YOU NEED TO PUT ON AN ALBUM,
AND I'M LAZY, AND I WANTED TO
WATCH TV.
>> Carson: WOW, I KNOW THAT YOU
HAVE A THING -- YOU KNOW, I GREW
UP HERE IN LOS ANGELES, AND I
USED TO CARRY PETER FALK'S GOLF
BAG WHEN I WAS, LIKE, 16.
THAT'S HOW I EARNED --
HE'D GIVE ME, LIKE, 50 BUCKS AND
SAY, "HERE KID, HERE YOU GO."
HE'D HAVE THE CIGAR, THE
FULL-BLOWN "COLUMBO."
>> THAT'S WHY YOU'RE SUCCESSFUL,
HE TOUCHED YOU.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Carson: YOU REALLY HAVE A
THING FOR HIM.
>> YEAH.
>> Carson: I HEARD THAT, AND I
THOUGHT, "THAT CAN'T BE TRUE."
SO YOU KNOW, HE'S AN ARTIST AS
WELL.
>> I KNOW HE'S AN ARTIST!
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Carson: WELL, WE GOT YOU -- I
CALLED HIS OFFICE AND --
HE SKETCHES HIMSELF.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
HE SIGNED IT FOR YOU THERE, TOO.
>> NO!
>> Carson: YEAH.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
LITTLE WORDS OF INSPIRATION,
TOO.
HERE.
>> ARE YOU KIDDING?
>> Carson: YEAH, ISN'T THAT
COOL?
>> I SWEAR --
>> Carson: HEY, HE'S NO SPRING
CHICKEN EITHER, THE DUDE, YOU
KNOW?
BUT HE'S LIKE, HE'S SO SHARP,
AND HE'S GOT GOOD PENMANSHIP.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT SAYS "FIONA" --
HERE, READ THAT OUT LOUD.
>> "FIONA, KEEP THOSE SOUNDS
COMING.
LOVE 'EM, PETER."
[ AUDIENCE AWS ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Caron: I GOT A BAD FEELING.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH!
>> Carson: JUST KIND OF A WEIRD,
CREEPY THOUGHT OF, LIKE,
PETER FALK WATCHING THIS SHOW AT
1:45 A.M., AND YOU'RE JUST,
LIKE, LOVING HIM.
AND LIKE WHAT HE'S DOING.
HE'S LIKE, "I'M OLD!
WHY COULDN'T IT BE '62?"
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YOU'RE NOT TOO OLD, PETER.
>> Carson: YEAH.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
SLOW DOWN, THAT'S ENOUGH OF
THAT.
ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH OF THAT.
ENOUGH OF THOSE CREEPY IMAGES.
THE -- WHEN WE WERE IN NEW YORK,
I REMEMBER AT SONY THEY --
EVERYBODY WAS PROTESTING THIS
WHOLE, LIKE, FREE FIONA THING
THAT WAS GOING ON.
WHAT DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THAT,
AND WHAT WAS YOUR TAKE ON IT?
BECAUSE, TO THOSE OF US WHO
DIDN'T QUITE KNOW WHAT WAS GOING
ON WITH YOU TURNING IN THIS
RECORD TO THE RECORD COMPANY, IT
GOT BACK THAT THEY WEREN'T HAPPY
WITH THE TRACKS.
AND THEN YOUR FANS JUST CAME AND
WERE LIKE -- YOU KNOW, TRIED TO
HELP YOU OUT.
>> WELL, THE FUNNY THING ABOUT
THIS IS THAT I WAS ACTUALLY
WATCHING "COLUMBO" WHEN I HEARD
ABOUT FREE FIONA.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND I WAS --
>> Carson: YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.
NOT ABOUT SELF-ESTEEM, ABOUT
WATCHING TOO MUCH TV LAND.
>> NO, NO, THIS WAS ON BRAVO,
AND IT WAS 1:30 EVERY DAY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THEY STOPPED DOING IT NOW.
THEY STOPPED DOING IT.
>> Carson: WELL, FREE COLUMBO.
MAYBE THAT'S THE WHOLE THING WE
SHOULD HAVE BEEN ON.
>> YEAH.
YEAH, BUT I HEARD -- I GOT A
CALL, A PHONE CALL, AND IT WAS,
LIKE, SO OUT OF PLACE AND JUST,
"WHY NOW, IN THE MIDDLE OF
'COLUMBO' TO GET A BUSINESS
PHONE CALL ABOUT MAKING THE
RECORD?"
[ LAUGHTER ]
BECAUSE IT WAS LIKE, I ALREADY
GOT OVER ALL MY SADNESS.
IT WASN'T GONNA TO HAPPEN.
I RESIGNED MYSELF TO LYING ON
THE COUCH, AND YOU KNOW --
>> Carson: -- AND WATCHING
"COLUMBO."
>> I WAS ALL READY TO DO THAT.
AND I THEN I HEARD ABOUT -- YOU
KNOW, IT WAS MY MANAGER, STEVE.
AND HE SAID, "SO THERE'S, LIKE,
A PROTEST GOING ON WITH THOSE
FREE FIONA PEOPLE."
AND I SAID, "WHAT FREE FIONA
PEOPLE?"
AND I MEAN, APPARENTLY, THESE
KIDS -- LIKE THEY, I THINK IT
WAS --
FIRST OF ALL I THINK THAT IT HAD
A LOT MORE TO DO WITH JUST THE
STATE OF THE MUSIC BUSINESS THAN
JUST ME.
I THINK THAT I WAS A REALLY GOOD
CASE TO FOCUS ON, BUT THEY
LIKE --
THEY SET A GOAL, AND THEY WENT,
AND THEY DID IT.
AND I SWEAR -- I DON'T THINK THE
RECORD COMPANY'S GONNA SAY THIS
AT ALL, BUT I BELIEVE, AND I
KNOW THE TRUTH, THAT I THINK
THAT WHAT THEY DID REALLY GOT MY
RECORD OUT THE WAY THAT IT DID.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
SO I THANK THEM VERY MUCH.
>> Carson: WELL, IT'S KIND OF A
LOVE/HATE THING.
I MEAN, YOU LOVE THEM, BECAUSE
THEY INSPIRED AN ENTITY AT A
TIME WHEN ALL OF THAT WAS DYING.
THE RECORD BUSINESS TO ARRIVE --
>> IT'S JUST SO AMAZING THAT ANY
GROUP OF PEOPLE CAN HAVE A GOAL
SET IN MIND AND TAKE ON LIKE
A -- YOU KNOW, AND THINK, "WE'LL
GET THAT RECORD OUT.
WE'LL GET IT DONE."
AND THEY DID.
I WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE, "I
PROBABLY CAN'T DO IT."
>> Carson: RIGHT.
>> AND THEY TAUGHT ME A LESSON
THAT WAY, SO --
>> Carson: YEAH.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
INTERESTING.
INSPIRING STORY.
WELL, NOW YOU'RE JUST SORT OF --
NOW YOU'RE BACK AT WORK.
IT'S LIKE THE MASSES, LIKE, THE
MUMMIES WERE JUST LIKE, "WE NEED
YOU."
AND NOW YOU'RE BACK, AND YOU'VE
MADE THIS GREAT RECORD THAT WAS
JUST LIKE ABOUT THE BEST RECORD
THAT CAME OUT IN '05.
YOU'RE ON TOUR WITH DAMIEN RICE
RIGHT NOW.
AND YOU'RE BACK IN FULL-SWING.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
NO MORE COUCH, NO MORE
"COLUMBO."
WAS THERE A TIME WHEN YOU WERE
JUST, YOU WERE DONE DONE?
YOU'RE LIKE, "THAT'S IT.
I'M NOT MAKING ANOTHER RECORD.
I HAD MY THING.
I'M GONNA DO SOMETHING ELSE"?
AND IF SO, WHAT WOULD THAT HAVE
BEEN?
>> YES, THERE WAS A TIME WHEN I
JUST KIND OF FIGURED, LIKE,
"WELL, THIS IS THE WAY IT'S
SUPPOSED TO BE.
AND I'LL JUST GO AND DO
SOMETHING ELSE."
AND I DID -- I DID.
I APPLIED TO BE A FARM INTERN AT
THIS PLACE CALLED
GREEN CHIMNEYS, WHICH IS IN
BREWSTER, NEW YORK.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Carson: KNOW WHERE TO GO
AFTER 1:30.
WHAT'S IT, GREEN CHIMNEYS?
>> YEAH, IT'S A -- IT'S A SCHOOL
FOR --
IT'S A SCHOOL FOR EMOTIONALLY
TROUBLED KIDS.
AND THEY INCORPORATE THEIR FARM
ANIMALS IN THE THERAPY.
>> Carson: AND YOU WOULD HAVE
WORKED THERE.
>> AND IT'S A LOT OF --
YEAH, THEY HAVE REHABILITATED
ANIMALS.
AND IT'S LIKE UTOPIA.
YOU KNOW, I WANTED TO GO THERE.
AND YEAH, I WOULD HAVE WORKED
THERE.
>> Carson: IT'S A GOOD THING WE
MADE THE RECORD COME OUT.
>> THEN THOSE FREE FIONA PEOPLE
JUST CAME RIGHT IN AND SCOOPED
ME UP.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Carson: WOW, WELL, THAT'S A
VERY INTERESTING STORY.
AND FIONA'S GONNA SING HERE IN A
SECOND.
YOU'RE GONNA SING THE TITLE
TRACK TO
"EXTRAORDINARY MACHINE."
AND FOR THOSE OF US THAT ARE
MUSIC FANS --
[ SCREAMS AND APPLAUSE ]
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
>> YES.
>> Carson: ALL RIGHT, WE'LL TAKE
A BREAK WITH FIONA APPLE.
SHE'LL SING RIGHT AFTER THIS.
"EXTRAORDINARY MACHINE."
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪♪♪
♪♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Carson: THANK YOU.
RELAX.
HERE TO PERFORM THE TITLE TRACK
FROM HER INCREDIBLE ALBUM,
"EXTRAORDINARY MACHINE," HERE
SHE IS, OUR FRIEND FIONA APPLE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪♪♪
♪ I CERTAINLY HAVEN'T BEEN
SHOPPING FOR ANY NEW SHOES
AND I CERTAINLY HAVEN'T BEEN
SPREADING MYSELF AROUND ♪
♪ I STILL ONLY TRAVEL BY FOOT
AND BY FOOT IT'S A SLOW CLIMB ♪
♪ BUT I'M GOOD AT
BEING UNCOMFORTABLE
SO I CAN'T STOP
CHANGING ALL THE TIME ♪
♪ I NOTICED THAT MY OPPONENT
IS ALWAYS ON THE GO ♪
♪ AND WON'T GO SLOW
SO AS NOT TO FOCUS
AND I NOTICE ♪
♪ HE'LL HITCH A RIDE
WITH ANY GUIDE
AS LONG AS THEY GO FAST
FROM WHENCE HE CAME ♪
♪ BUT HE'S NO GOOD
AT BEING UNCOMFORTABLE
SO HE CAN'T STOP
STAYING EXACTLY THE SAME ♪
♪ IF THERE WAS A BETTER WAY
TO GO THEN IT WOULD FIND ME
♪ I CAN'T HELP IT
THE ROAD JUST ROLLS
OUT BEHIND ME ♪
♪ BE KIND TO ME
OR TREAT ME MEAN
I'LL MAKE THE MOST OF IT
I'M AN EXTRAORDINARY MACHINE ♪
♪ I SEEM TO YOU TO SEEK
A NEW DISASTER EVERY DAY ♪
♪♪ YOU DEEM ME DUE
TO CLEAN MY VIEW
AND BE AT PEACE AND LAY ♪
♪ I MEAN TO PROVE
I MEAN TO MOVE
IN MY OWN WAY AND SAY ♪
♪ I'VE BEEN GETTING ALONG
FOR LONG BEFORE YOU CAME
INTO THE PLAY
♪ I AM THE BABY OF THE FAMILY
IT HAPPENS SO EVERYBODY CARES
AND WEARS THE SHEEP'S CLOTHES
WHILE THEY CHAPERONE ♪
♪ CURIOUS YOU'RE LOOKING
DOWN YOUR NOSE
AT ME WHILE YOU APPEASE ♪♪
♪♪ COURTEOUS TO TRY AND HELP
BUT LET ME SET
YOUR MIND AT EASE ♪
♪ IF THERE WAS A BETTER
WAY TO GO
THEN IT WOULD FIND ME ♪
♪ I CAN'T HELP IT
THE ROAD JUST ROLLS
OUT BEHIND ME ♪
♪ BE KIND TO ME
OR TREAT ME MEAN
I'LL MAKE THE MOST OF IT
I'M AN EXTRAORDINARY MACHINE ♪
♪ DO I SO WORRY YOU
YOU NEED TO HURRY TO MY SIDE
IT'S VERY KIND ♪
♪ BUT IT'S TO NO AVAIL
AND I DON'T WANT THE BAIL
I PROMISE YOU EVERYTHING
WILL BE JUST FINE ♪
♪ IF THERE WAS A BETTER WAY
TO GO THEN IT WOULD FIND ME ♪
♪ I CAN'T HELP IT
THE ROAD JUST ROLLS
OUT BEHIND ME ♪♪
♪ SO BE KIND TO ME
OR TREAT ME MEAN
I'LL MAKE THE MOST OF IT
I'M AN EXTRAORDINARY MACHINE ♪
♪ IF THERE WAS A BETTER WAY
TO GO THEN IT WOULD FIND ME ♪
♪ I CAN'T HELP IT
THE ROAD JUST ROLLS
OUT BEHIND ME ♪
♪ BE KIND TO ME
OR TREAT ME MEAN
I'LL MAKE THE MOST OF IT
I'M AN EXTRAORDINARY MACHINE ♪♪
[ SCREAMS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Carson: WE ARE OUT OF TIME.
I WANT TO THANK FIONA APPLE.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
HERE'S THE RECORD,
"EXTRAORDINARY MACHINE."
IT'S FANTASTIC.
ALSO, THANKS TO JOE FIRSTMAN.
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.