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YOU COULD DROP DEAD OF A HEART
ATTACK ANY SECOND.
WHAT'S UP, EVERYBODY?
SO GOOD TO BE HERE AT THE ROAST
OF DEE SNIDER.
OR AS I LOOK TO CALL IT, NINE
GUYS I WOULD NEVER
[ EXPLETIVE ]
MAYBE ONE GIRL.
SUZETTE.
MAYBE.
SO, GET READY
[ EXPLETIVE ]
YOU HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT
MY -- THIS WHOLE
[ EXPLETIVE ]
SHOW.
TALKING ABOUT -- SCOTT
ANDERSON -- SCOTT IAN.
WHAT IS THAT HANGING OFF THE END
OF YOUR CHIN?
SORRY, I DENT MEAN THAT, I AM
JUST KIDDING.
I'M JUST KIDDING.
I WILL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK FOR
ANOTHER GUITAR LESSON.
AND, YOU TOO, ZAKK.
I WILL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK FOR
ANOTHER GUITAR LESSON.
ZAKK USED TO BE A PRETTY BOY,
BUT NOW HE IS REALLY GROSS.
REALLY GROSS.
I'M JUST KIDDING I LOVE YOU, OH,
MY GOD, I CAN'T DO THIS, THIS IS
SO HARD.
IT'S HARD.
IT'S AWFUL.
I HEARD THAT THEY TRIED TO SEND
ZAKK TO REHAB.
AND HE SAID, BRO, BRO, BRO.
OH, GOD, SPEAKING OF PEOPLE THAT
REALLY NEED HELP.
EDDIE TRUNK IS HERE.
EDDIE, I LOVE YOU, BUT WHEN YOU
GET THAT HAIRCUT, DO YOU ASK FOR
THE COMPLETE *** BAG?
THE ONLY THING THAT FAR
SURPASSED EDDIE'S KNOWLEDGE OF
HEAVY METAL TRIVIA IS THE HEAVY
METAL TRIVIA OF THE MENU OF THE
CHEESECAKE FACTORY.
GOD.
DEE WROTE AND STARRED IN THE
MOVIE STRANGELAND WHERE
TEENAGERS, STRIPPED NAKED BOUND
IN HIS DUNGEON AND TORTURED.
OH, MY GOD YOU, DID THAT.
JIM NORTON LIKES TO CALL IT LAST
SATURDAY NIGHT.
JIM?
OH, MY GOD.
CAN I SAY WHATEVER I WANT?
I KNOW JIM LOVES IT.
YOU KNOW, I COULD PROBABLY, PUT
YOU OVER A SHEET OF SIRAN WRAP,
AND YOU KNOW?
I AM NOT GOING TO SAY IT.
OH, GOD.
LYING UNDER A SHEET OF SIRAN
WRAP, YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW, I WILL
TELL YOU LATER.
I BET YOU WOULD LOVE IT, YOU
SICK
[ EXPLETIVE ]
YOU WOULD LOVE IT.
AND YOU, FLORENTINE, GOD, I
HEARD YOU HAD A ONE-MAN SHOW.
YOU HAD A ONE-MAN SHOW?
WHO WAS THE MAN?
WELL, LOOK AT THIS STAGE.
WE HAVE DEE SNIDER, ZAKK WYLDE,
JIM NORTON, JIM FLORENTINE,
ENJOY THE MOMENT, CRAIG GASS.
THIS IS THE ONLY TIME YOU WILL
BE THE BEST LOOKING MAN IN A
ROOM.
AND MARK METCALF, THANK YOU FOR
BEING HERE.
I KNOW YOU'RE EXTREMELY BUSY,
EXTREMELY BUSY, AND WE REALLY
APPRECIATE YOU SQEZING THIS
INTO YOUR RELENTLESSLY TIGHT
SCHEDULE REALLY APPRECIATE IT.
AND SHANE, EVERYONE KNOWS IT'S
TOUGH BEING THE CHILD OF A
CELEBRITY.
BUT EVEN THOUGH, BEING A FORMER,
BEING THE CHILD OF A FORMER
CELEBRITY, OH, MY GOD.
I DIDN'T JUST SAY THAT.
GOOD LUCK TONIGHT, KIDDO.
I
[ EXPLETIVE ]
IT UP.
ENOUGH ABOUT THESE NOBODIES,
LET'S FOCUS ON OUR GUEST OF
HONOR, DEE SNIDER.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
DEE AND I FIRST WORKED TOGETHER
IN 1984.
BACK IN THOSE DAYS WE HAD TO
SHARE A DRESSING ROOM.
DEE WOULD BAR REMY MAKEUP.
ANDORROW MY SHARE SPRAY.
AND STEAL ALL MY TAMPONS, WHAT
WERE YOU DOING WITH THEM,
STEALING MY TAMPONS.
DEE IS SO OLD THE ONLY THING
GIRLIE HE WEARS IS A NICE
PUSH-UP BRA AND A PARE OF SPANX.
JUST KIDDING.
I HOPE THE MENOPAUSE HASN'T
AFFECTED YOUR VOICE IN ANY WAY.
STILL SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD.
OH, GOD.
I'M SORRY, DEE, I LOVE YOU.
FIRST MAKEUP HE WORE WAR PAINT.
WHERE IS THE WAR TAKING PLACE,
FIRE ISLAND, MAYBE.
WEST HOLLYWOOD?
PAUL STANSTANLEY'S DRESSING ROO.
YEAH.
OH, MY GOD, DEE IF YOU WERE A
DRAG QUEEN, YOUR DRAG QUEEN NAME
WOULD BE DEE-GUSTING.
YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, I AM JUST
KIDDING.
>> COME ON, LITA GO FOR IT.
>> MY GOD.
BEFORE I GO.
SINCERELY, THANK YOU TO PENN FOR
TRYING TO BE THE ROAST MASTER.
ACTUALLY, PENN, YOU ARE AWESOME.
PENN JILLETTE ACTUALLY INVENTED
A JACUZZI SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED
TO MAKE A WOMAN ***.
IS THAT TRUE?
>>■ç YES.
>> I THINK I WAS AT THAT PARTY.
AND LET ME TELL YOU IT WAS
WORKING.
IT WAS WORKING REALLY GOOD.
TILL PENN WALKED IN.
SPEAKING OF MAJOR TURNOFFS, DEE,
I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU SO
MUCH FOR LETTING ME BE HERE
TONIGHT AND ROAST YOU.
I LOVE YOU.
AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT
NIGHT.
AND PLEASE, FOR THE LAST TIME,
GET YOUR OWN.
[ EXPLETIVE ]
TAMPONS.
I'M SO TIRED OF HANGING THESE
AROUND.
DEE SNIDER.
>> THANKS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> THAT WAS PAINFUL.
THAT WAS REALLY PAINFUL.
THAT WAS VERY PAINFUL.
>> I NOTICE YOU DON'T KNOW HOW
TO USE THIS?
>> NOT ANYMORE, I DON'T.
>> ONE OF MY EARLY TEST FONDEST
MEMORIES WAS SITTING ON MY
GRANDFATHER'S LAP AND LISTENING
TO HIS TWISTED SISTER RECORD
ALBUM COLLECTION.
OH, THOSE LOVELY OLD DAYS.
YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND FOLKS I
AM MUCH YOUNGER THAN DEE SNIDER,
LIKE, WAY YOUNGER, LIKE, DECADE
YOUNGER.
OH, MY FAVORITE NUMBER ONE
ALL-TIME FAVORITE TWISTED SISTER
SONG.
IT IS A GREAT QUESTION.
ONE THAT HAS BEEN ASKED AND
PONDERED FOR AGES.
BUT WHO CAN REALLY TOP --
♪♪ HERE I GO AGAIN ON MY OWN
LIKE A GYPSY I WAS BORN TO WALK
ALONE ♪♪
OH, MY DAD.
SORRY, MY BAD.
THE NUMBER ONE OF ALL TIME E
♪♪ LIKE A GASOLINE YOU WANT TO
PUMP ME
♪♪ ♪♪
WHY DON'T YOU SIT STILL ♪♪
>> WHO CAN REALLY TALK --
♪♪ I'M ON MY WAY
I'M ON MY WAY
HOME SWEET HOME ♪♪
>> CUT.
COME ON.
COME ON.
>> DO I LOOK.
[ EXPLETIVE ]
HIGH.
>> HOLY.
[ EXPLETIVE ]
.
>> YOU CAN DO THIS BACH.
GET THE TOGETHER.
♪♪ SHE'S MY CHERRY PIE ♪♪
>> YOU WANT TO KNOW MY FAVORITE
TWISTED SISTER SONG?
YOU WANT TO KNOW?
DO YOU?
DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW?
IT
[ EXPLETIVE ]
STARTS AND
[ EXPLETIVE ]
END WITH
♪♪ THEY CALL US PROBLEM CHILD
OUR LOVE IS ON TRIAL
WE WALK AN ENDLESS MILE
WE ARE THE YOU GONE WILD ♪♪
>> CUT, CUT, THAT IS ABSOLUTELY
RIDICULOUS THAT.
-- THAT'S YOUR SONG.
>> YOUR SONG IS.
♪♪ I'M A LITTLE BIT FUNNY ♪♪
>> I DON'T THINK I CAN.
[ EXPLETIVE ]
DO THIS, WHAT IS IT
[ EXPLETIVE ]
TWISTED SISTER.
WHAT'S UP NEXT, QUIET RIOT AND
TRICKSTER.
I HAVE A
[ EXPLETIVE ]
REPUTATION IN THIS INDUSTRY THE
I DON'T THINK I CAN DO IT.
I'M OUT.
THIS IS SEBASTIAN BACH, OUT.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> SEBASTIAN BACH.
CRAIG GASS, OUR NEXT PRESENTER,
MAY KNOW HIM FROM "SEX AND THE
CITY" WHERE HE RODE SARAH
JESSICA PARKER TO VICTORY IN THE
KENTUCKY DERBY EPISODE.
GIVE IT UP FOR CRAIG GASS.
♪♪♪♪
♪♪♪♪
♪♪ DON'T YOU SEE NO EVIL ♪♪
>> THANK YOU, MEAT LOAF.
I'M A BIG FAN.
AND I LOVED YOU IN -- THE MOVIE
"MISERY."
LOOK AT THIS DAIS.
IT'S A VIRTUAL WHO GIVES A
[ EXPLETIVE ]
ABOUT ENTERTAINMENT.
THERE IS MORE OLD SAGGY BALLS ON
THIS DAIS THAN THERE ARE ON ROB
HALFORD'S CHIN RIGHT NOW.
THAT'S RIGHT.
ASK YOUR METAL HEAD FRIENDS.
BUT I AM GOING TO TILL YOU
SOMETHING, YOU CAN MAKE FUN OF
MUSIC THAT CAME FROM THE '80s.
BUT FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW
THERE WAS A LOT OF GREAT
[ EXPLETIVE ]
MUSIC THAT CAME OUT OF THE 80s.
RIGHT?
THAT'S RIGHT.
WITH A LOT OF GREAT BAND.
AND THAT EVERYBODY LOVED.
AND NONE OF THEM ARE HERE ON
THIS DAIS HERE TONIGHT.
SOME WHERE IN AMERICA THERE IS A
COUNTY FAIR WITH AN EMPTY STAGE.
SORRY.
SORRY.
SORRY.
I HAD TO SAY IT.
HOW DARE ANY YOU MAKE FUN OF
THIS GREAT MAN.
MY FRIEND.
DEE SNIDER.
ONE OF MOST POWERFUL VOICESEN
-- IN ALL OF ROCK 'N' ROLL.
GRANTED HE PUT OUT AN ALBUM,
STAY HUNGRY AND THE BAND GOT
[ EXPLETIVE ]
BLOATED AFTERWARD.
HOW DARE ANY OF YOU MAKE FUN OF
THIS GREAT MAN.
SCOTT IAN, YOU
[ EXPLETIVE ]
MIDGET.
ANTHRAX.
WHAT A GREAT NAME FOR A BAND
THAT MAKES PEOPLE
[ EXPLETIVE ]
SICK.
WHEN SOME ONE COMES TO YOUR
HOUSE, SAYS HEY, MAN I BROUGHT
SOME ANTHRAX WITH ME.
YOU HOPE THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT
THE
[ EXPLETIVE ]
DISEASE.
MICK FOLEY WAS SUPPOSED TO BE
HERE TONIGHT.
HE -- OUT.
[ EXPLETIVE ]
HIM.
I DON'T CARE.
I DON'T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH A
GUY THAT WRESTLES DUDE FOR A
LIVING.
I WOULD RATHER HANG OUT WITH JIM
NORTON WHO WRESTLING DUDE FOR
FUN.
THERE ARE SOME DANGEROUS PEOPLE
ON THIS DAIS.
I CAN GUARANTEE YOU THAT MOSTLY
EVERYBODY HERE HAS DROPPED ACID
OR IN THE CASE OF JIM NORTON
LOOKS LIKE HE POURED SPLIT ON
HIS HEAD.
OR EDDIE TRUNK HAS BEEN DROPPING
ANTACID FOR 20 YEARS.
JIM FLORENTINE,
[ EXPLETIVE ]
YOU.
JIM DOES IMPRESSIONS TOO.
I DON'TF YOU ARE AWARE OF
THAT.
ON THAT METAL SHOW, HE GIVES AN
IMPRESSION OF A GUY WHO GIVES A
[ EXPLETIVE ]
OF WHAT EDDIE TRUNK HAS TO SAY.
>> VERY GOOD.
>> EDDIE, I'M GOING TO GO EASY
ON YOU TONIGHT.
I KNOW YOU ARE, YOU ARE GOING
THROUGH A TOUGH TIME.
FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW, THEY
STOPPED MAKING TWINKIES.
PENN JIMMETTE, YOU.
[ EXPLETIVE ]
CREEP.
>> I AM.
>> PENN, I, I -- I KNOW YOU ARE
A MAGICIAN.
AND I GUESS -- IT IS A MAGIC
TRICK TO GET ON "CELEBRITY
APPRENTICE" WHEN YOU ARE'A
CELEBRITY.
I KNOW YOU ARE A MASTER