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>THANKS FOR JOINING US FOR ANOTHER EDITION OF TIME FOR HOPE
A FAITH BASED MENTAL HEALTH PROGRAM, I'M DR. FREDA CREWS
YOUR HOST AND AS PROMISED LAST WEEK WE ARE JOINED AGAIN TODAY
BY REV. GORDON DALBEY AND WE WILL BE CONTINUING TO DISCUSS
HIS BOOK TITLED SONS OF THE FATHER HEALING THE FATHER WOUND
IN MEN TODAY. GORDON IS A GIFTED AND BEST-SELLING AUTHOR OF
SEVERAL BOOKS AND AN INTERNATIONAL RETREAT AND
CONFERENCE SPEAKER AND WE REALLY APPRECIATE HIM TAKING THE TIME
OUT OF HIS BUSY SCHEDULE TO APPEAR ON TIME FOR HOPE. SO I
SUGGEST THAT YOU CHECK OUT HIS OTHER BOOKS SINCE HE IS A VERY
GIFTED AUTHOR. GORDON COMPASSIONATELY EXHORTS MEN IN
THE BOOK THAT WE'RE DISCUSSING WHO BEAR FATHER WOUNDS FROM
BEING ABANDONED OR NEGLECTED AND SOME FROM ABUSE TO SEEK THE
REDEMPTION AND FREEDOM THAT CAN BE THEIRS. FOR MORE STAY WITH
US.
>AND AGAIN GORDON IT'S GREAT HAVING YOU ON TIME FOR HOPE.
THANKS SO MUCH FOR COMING.
>OH IT'S MY PLEASURE.
>SO WE WANT TO PICK UP, YOU'VE DEFINED A FATHER WOUND OR FATHER
WOUNDS THAT MEN CARRY AROUND. YOU ACTUALLY SAY THEY CAN BECOME
INFECTIOUS AND DESTRUCTIVE BUT WE WANT TO PUT IT OUT RIGHT OFF
WITH THIS SHOW THEY CAN BE HEALED. IT'S NOT SOMETHING THAT
THEY HAVE TO CARRY AROUND FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES NO
MATTER WHAT AGE BECAUSE YOU BRING OUT IN YOUR BOOK THAT MEN
NEED MEN AND I LIKED THAT TOO. AND THEY NEED TO LISTEN TO OLD
MEN. YOU KNOW I DID LEARN AND YOU'VE LEARNED THAT TOO I'M SURE
AS OUR PARENTS GET OLDER THEY GET WISER. AND I KNOW THAT WAS
TRUE OF MY DAD. HE BECAME WISER, HE BECAME MORE LOVING, HE WAS
WARMER, JUST THE WAY IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THAT'S THE WAY IT
HAPPENED. BUT MY FATHER WAS A GOOD FATHER TO ME. HE RAISED
THREE DAUGHTERS AND A SON AND SO I AS YOU SAID ON THE OTHER SHOW,
I'M REALLY PRIVILEGED. I HAD A GREAT EXTENDED FAMILY, YOU KNOW
MY GRANDPARENTS, THIS IS ALL ON MY MOTHER'S SIDE THAT I'M
TALKING ABOUT. AND MY DAD ACTUALLY, AND I'VE SEEN THIS
HAPPEN OFTEN AND YOU PROBABLY HAVE, HE MARRIED A FAMILY. HE
DIDN'T HAVE A FAMILY OKAY, SO HE MET MY MOM AND THEY TOOK HIM IN
LIKE A SON AND IT WORKED. SO THERE WAS HEALING TOOK PLACE
WITH MY GRANDFATHER BECAUSE MY DAD WAS WOUNDED BY HIS OWN
FATHER.
>WELL I THINK I HAVE FOR EXAMPLE I HAD 107 MEN LAST WEEK AT A
MEN'S BREAKFAST. I ASKED THEM I SAID HOW MANY OF YOU WHEN YOU
WERE 12, 11 YEARS OLD DID YOUR DAD PULL YOU ASIDE TO TALK TO
YOU ABOUT GIRLS? TO SAY ANYTHING LIKE I SEE YOU'RE CHECKING OUT
THE GIRLS NOW THAT'S FINE. GOD MADE US THAT WAY. BUT I WANT TO
TALK TO YOU NOW ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON IN YOUR BODY AND IN
YOUR SPIRIT BECAUSE SON THIS IS GOING TO TAKE A LITTLE BIT OF
YOUR LIFE ENERGY OKAY AND I WANT YOU TO HEAR ABOUT IT FROM THE
MAN WHO LOVES YOU NOT THE DUDES OUT ON THE STREET. HOW MANY DO
YOU THINK OUT OF 107 MEN SAID YES MY DAD APPROACHED ME ABOUT
THIS SUBJECT?
>VERY FEW I'M SURE.
>TWO. ONE MAN SAID HE GAVE ME A BOOK, THAT WAS IT, FINISHED. THE
OTHER GUY HAD A PRETTY GOOD STORY BUT THE REST OF US NONE. I
ONCE HAD 350 CHRISTIAN FATHERS. I SAID TO THEM HOW MANY OF YOU
WHEN YOU BECAME A DAD FOR THE FIRST TIME DID YOUR OWN FATHER
COME TO GIVE YOU SOME HELP, ENCOURAGEMENT, SUPPORT AND
ADVICE? MAYBE HE CAME TO VISIT YOU, CALLED YOU ON THE PHONE,
E-MAILED AND SAID SON I WANT TO GIVE YOU SOME IDEAS ABOUT HOW TO
BE A GOOD DAD AND WHAT I'VE LEARNED BECAUSE I KNOW IT'S HARD
TO KNOW SOMETIMES. OUT OF 350 CHRISTIAN MEN ONLY FIVE OUT OF
350 SAID MY DAD WAS THERE FOR ME AT THIS CRITICAL POINT IN MY
MASCULINE JOURNEY. WE'RE LOOKING AT A WOUND OF ABSENCE WHERE WE
HAVE, ABANDONED IS THE WORD REALLY. NOT NECESSARILY THAT
THEY WEREN'T THERE PHYSICALLY BUT THE EMOTION IT WAS VERY HARD
FOR SO MANY OF OUR FATHERS TO STAY IN THAT PLACE BECAUSE YOU
LEARN HOW TO BE A DAD BY WATCHING YOUR DAD AND HIS DAD
AND HIS DAD AND IT GOES BACK AND SO WE CARRY THIS KIND OF LIKE IN
OUR HARD DRIVE BUT SO OFTEN THE WOUND OF ABSENCE CATCHES UP WITH
US BECAUSE THE MAN WILL SAY WE'LL WAIT A MINUTE I DIDN'T
HAVE A FATHER. HE MAYBE DIED OR HE LEFT OR WE DIVORCED AND SO
HOW CAN YOU SAY I HAVE A FATHER WOUND? HOW COULD HE HURT ME WHEN
HE WASN'T THERE? I SAID I'LL TELL YOU, THERE ARE TWO WAYS TO
DESTROY A LIVING ORGANISM, TWO WAYS TO KILL A PLANT. ONE WAY
YOU BEAT IT, SMASH IT, CUT IT DOWN, IT'S DEAD, THERE YOU CAN
SEE IT. BUT THERE'S ANOTHER WAY TO KILL A PLANT, DON'T WATER IT.
JUST LEAVE IT ALONE, ABANDONED IT, ABANDONMENT KILLS AND
MANHOOD REQUIRES FATHERING. NOW THAT KIND OF SHAKES A LOT OF MEN
BECAUSE WELL I DIDN'T HAVE A FATHER SO WHERE DO I GO. WELL
HELLO THIS IS WHERE WE BEGIN TO A NUMBER ONE BEGIN TO SAY I'VE
GOT A WOUND. NOW JESUS SAID, HE SAID I DIDN'T COME FOR THOSE WHO
ARE HEALTHY. HE SAID I DIDN'T COME FOR THE GUYS WHO'VE GOT IT
ALL TOGETHER. SO I TELL THE GUYS AT MY CONFERENCES WHEN I DO
CONFERENCES YOU KNOW YOU'RE HEALTHY YOU'VE GOT IT ALL
TOGETHER YOU CAME TO THE WRONG PLACE BECAUSE I'M SORRY THIS IS
FOR MEN WHO ARE BROKEN BECAUSE WE HAVE A SAVIOR WHO HAS COME
FOR MEN WHO ARE BROKEN AND YOU HAVE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU
HAVE A WOUND. HERE'S YOU'VE BEEN ASKING ME HOW DO WE SEE THIS
WOUND TAKE PLACE? IT'S LIKE WE HAVE A FATHERLESS GENERATION OUT
THERE AND THERE'S ANOTHER FATHER CLEARLY DESCRIBED IN THE
SCRIPTURES, THE FATHER OF LIES WHO CALLS OUT FROM THE PRINCE OF
THE AIR AS THE APOSTLE WOULD PUT IT LIKE, SON. AND TO A
GENERATION OF FATHERLESS MEN, YES SOMEBODY'S CALLING ME SON
AND MY DAD NEVER CALLED ME SO YES. HE SAYS I KNOW YOU DON'T
FEEL LIKE A REAL MAN. HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? WELL LET'S JUST SAY
I'VE GOT SOME INSIDE INFORMATION BUT DON'T YOU WORRY SON I'VE GOT
YOU COVERED. I'VE GOT A COUPLE OF THINGS YOU CAN DRINK RIGHT
HERE YOU KNOW AND IT'S JUST LIGHT YOU KNOW AND YOU KNOW MEN
WILL NEVER ASK. YOU CAN SMOKE THIS OR DO THIS AND ALL THE GUYS
THEY'LL NEVER WANT TO KNOW ANYTHING MORE ABOUT YOUR WOUND
AND YOU'LL BE OKAY. NOW I ALSO KNOW THAT YOU DON'T REALLY GET
ALONG WELL WITH LADIES DO YOU? IT'S KIND OF SCARY, BUT DON'T
WORRY, I'VE GOT YOU COVERED. I'VE GOT THIS YOU KNOW THIS
STORE DOWNTOWN, IT'S A LITTLE OFF THE THING, IT'S GOT A COUPLE
OF XS ON TOP OF IT. WHAT'S THAT? YOU SAY YOU GO TO CHURCH; WELL
WE DON'T WANT ANYBODY TO SEE YOU. I KNOW A COUPLE OF TAPS ON
THE INTERNET, SHE'LL COME RIGHT TO YOU, DON'T LET THEM CATCH US
NOW AND SHE WILL GIVE YOU WHATEVER YOU WANT. AND YOU DON'T
HAVE TO BE PERFECT, YOU DON'T HAVE TO SMELL GOOD OR PICK UP
YOUR DIRTY SOCKS OFF THE FLOOR. SHE JUST SAYS; SEE SHE DOESN'T
DEMAND ANYTHING OF HIM. ALL YOUR SHAME DOESN'T MATTER TO HER. SHE
ACCEPTS YOU JUST AS YOU ARE WITHOUT ONE PLEA. BUT THIS IS
WHERE THE DRAW IS, WE HAVE THIS SHAME BECAUSE WE DIDN'T GET WHAT
WE NEEDED FROM OUR DADS TO THE MEN SO WE FEEL THIS GREAT SHAME
AND THE WOMAN EVERY MAN KNOWS, THE WOMAN HAS RADAR. SHE'S GOING
TO LOOK RIGHT INTO YOUR SOUL AND SHE'LL KNOW WHETHER YOU'VE GOT
HER OR YOU DON'T. AND MOST OF US DON'T HAVE IT. SO WHAT ARE WE
GOING TO DO WHEN A WOMAN GETS CLOSE ENOUGH TO FIND OUT THAT WE
HAVE NOT GOT IT? WELL WE'RE GOING TO PUSH HER AWAY AND WE'LL
GET REAL CLOSE PHYSICALLY THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW WE'RE
PUSHING AWAY. AND THE FATHER OF LIES IS SAYING I'LL GET YOU A
WOMAN, NO NO NOT ONE WOMAN BECAUSE ONE WOMAN WILL GET CLOSE
ENOUGH TO YOU TO FIND OUT YOU HAVEN'T GOT IT. WE DON'T WANT
THAT. WE'LL GET LOTS OF WOMEN AND THIS IS WHERE A MAN'S EYES
STARTS (INAUDIBLE) BECAUSE THAT'S THE SAFE WOMAN AND THE
FATHER GOD (INAUDIBLE) WELL WHAT I CAN DO WE'LL GET YOU A JOB,
YOU WORK 50 OR 60 HOURS A WEEK AND THE GUYS AT THE SHOP, THE
GUYS AT THE OFFICE THEY SAY OH WHAT A GREAT MAN HE WORKS SO
HARD. NEVER MIND THAT YOUR KIDS DON'T SEE YOU AND THEY'RE GOING
TO DESPISE YOU FOR NOT BEING THERE FOR THEM. AND THE
LAST-DITCH THING THE ENEMY SAYS IS I'LL COVER YOUR SHAME I'VE
GOT RELIGION. I'VE GOT ALL THESE 10 PRINCIPLES OF GODLY MANHOOD,
THE FOUR MARKS OF THE BIBLICAL CHAMPION, ALL THESE THINGS
YOU'VE GOT TO DO TO MEASURE UP TO THIS GOD WHO'S GOING TO WHIP
YOU OF COURSE IF YOU DON'T. AND THAT'S THE FATHER OF LIES AND
THAT'S WHAT MOST OF US LIVE UNDER IF A MAN CAN FEEL SECURE
IN HIS MANHOOD AND THAT'S SUCH A HUGE STATEMENT RIGHT THERE
BECAUSE VERY FEW OF US DO BECAUSE WE HAVEN'T HAD THAT ARM
AROUND THE SHOULDER FROM A DAD THAT SAYS I KNOW IT'S HARD ISN'T
IT SON. YOU KNOW WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE I BLEW IT A COUPLE OF TIMES
TOO. JUST TO BE REAL WITH US LIKE THAT. WHEW I DON'T HAVE TO
MEASURE UP TO THESE STANDARDS. SADLY MOST CHURCHES JUST GIVE
THE GUY MORE STANDARDS YOU NEED TO DO TO MEASURE UP.
>THEY ACTUALLY LOOK FOR RULES AND STRUCTURE DON'T THEY?
>THAT'S WHAT YOU GOT AS A LITTLE BOY WITH DADDY BECAUSE NOBODY IS
GOING TO SAY GUESS WHAT I CAN'T DO IT. WHO WILL SAVE ME FROM
THIS BODY TAKING ME TO DEATH? THAT'S THE APOSTLE IN ROMANS 7
SO. BUT TO DO THAT THIS WOUND STIRS SUCH SHAME AND FOR GUYS
SHAME IS THE KEY WORD. SHAME IS THAT BOWLING BALL IN YOUR GUT
THAT SAYS YOU DON'T MEASURE UP AND GUESS WHAT.
>I'VE HAD MEN TELL ME THAT THEIR FATHERS HAVE ACTUALLY TOLD THEM
THAT IN THIS WAY, YOU'LL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING.
>THAT'S A CURSE, THAT'S A CURSE. WE CAN BREAK THAT.
>YOU'LL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING. BUT I'VE HAD WOMEN
WHO'VE HAD THEIR FATHERS, AND WE NEED TO TALK A LITTLE BIT ABOUT
THAT. I REMEMBER HAVING ONE THAT SAID SHE WAS CONSTANTLY REMINDED
BY HER FATHER THAT SHE WAS THE UGLIEST GIRL HE HAD EVER SEEN.
THOSE ARE.
>I HAVE A STORY I THINK IT'S IN THIS BOOK OF A YOUNG WOMAN WHO
ON HER BIG BIG DATE YOU KNOW AND THE FATHER WAS THERE BEHIND THE
NEWSPAPER SHE WAS WAITING FOR THE BOY TO COME AND HE'S HERE
DADDY, HE'S HERE. HAVE A GOOD TIME AND BEHIND THE NEWSPAPER
SHE NEEDED HER DADDY TO SAY SOMETHING. SHE WAS ABOUT 28
YEARS OLD BY THE TIME SHE CAME TO ME IN CHURCH. SHE WAS SO
INSECURE AND I SAID LOOK JESUS IS THE SAME YESTERDAY TODAY AND
TOMORROW. YOU'RE STILL LIVING IN THAT LIVING ROOM AND THINKING
YOU'RE NO GOOD BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T GET YOUR DAD'S BLESSING.
I WANT YOU TO GO BACK INTO THAT AND JUST REMEMBER, WE'RE NOT
GOING TO CONJURE UP ANYTHING FALSE AND JUST SAY JESUS I WANT
YOU TO COME INTO THAT PLACE IN MY HEART WHERE I DON'T THINK I'M
PRETTY, I DON'T THINK I'M WORTHWHILE AS A WOMAN. SHE
QUOTED YES JESUS PLEASE COME, OH PLEASE JESUS. SHE JUST POURED
OUT HER HEART TO JESUS AND DADDY WHY DON'T YOU LOOK AT ME. WOULD
YOU PUT THAT NEWSPAPER DOWN, WHY CAN'T YOU LOOK AT ME? AM I SO
UGLY THAT YOU WON'T EVEN LOOK AT ME? AND SHE WAS A VERY
ATTRACTIVE YOUNG WOMAN AND I SAID JESUS HELP, THIS IS YOUR
DAUGHTER COME ON YOU'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING HERE NOW. AND SHE
SAID OH IT'S LIKE DADDY, IT'S LIKE I'M HEARING HIM HE SAYS
IT'S NOT THAT YOU'RE SO UGLY IT'S THAT YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL
YOU SCARE ME. HER FACE JUST LIT UP LIKE IS THAT TRUE? AND I SAID
WE'LL LET ME TALK TO SOME MEN I DON'T HAVE A DAUGHTER. I TALKED
TO THE NEXT CONFERENCE OF MEN AND I SAID IS THAT TRUE AMONG
GUYS? AND ONE GUY GOT UP AND SAYS WHEN MY DAUGHTER WAS FIVE
OR SIX YEARS OLD WE COULD TUMBLE AROUND LIKE THIS, SHE WALKED IN
THE LIVING ROOM ONE DAY 13 OR 14, EARRINGS ON, NYLONS, I
DIDN'T KNOW WHO IT WAS.
>THEY'RE SCARED.
>I'M SCARED I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I MEAN YOU'RE EXPOSED TO
THINK, I DIDN'T THINK, I JUST DIDN'T KNOW. ALL I DID I
(INAUDIBLE) AND AT THE TIME SHE NEEDED MOST TO HEAR HER DAD SAY
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG WOMAN YOU ARE, TO SPEAK THAT INTO HER
HEART. HE WITHDREW BECAUSE OF HIS OWN FEAR. AND THAT'S WHAT MY
JOB IS TO TELL GUYS LOOK WE CAN GET REAL, WE CAN GET REAL. WE
CAN GO TO JESUS AND WE CAN SAY TO OUR DAUGHTERS THINGS THAT
THEY NEVER HEARD FROM, MOM NEVER HEARD. WE CAN START THIS OVER,
WE CAN DO IT DIFFERENTLY NOW BECAUSE WE HAVE JESUS ALONGSIDE
OF US.
>YES I LIKE THAT TO GO OUT ON FOR A BREAK AND WE WILL BE RIGHT
BACK.
HE WAS 40 YEARS OLD, OVER SIX FEET TALL AND A STATE TROOPER. I
AM REFERRING TO A CLIENT OF MINE WHO WAS DEPRESSED. SESSION AFTER
SESSION WE EXPLORED AND SEARCHED FOR THE MISSING PIECES IN HIS
LIFE. AS I LISTENED, A LITTLE BOY BEGAN TO EMERGE WHO WAS
LONELY AND GRIEVING OVER THE LOSS OF A FATHER WHO HAD
ABANDONED HIM AND HIS MOTHER. AS A YOUNG CHILD HE REASONED THAT
SOMETHING HAD TO BE WRONG WITH HIM IF HIS OWN FATHER WOULD
LEAVE HIM AND NEVER RETURN. ABANDONMENT BY A FATHER STRIKES
AT THE VERY CORE OF ANY CHILD'S SELF ESTEEM, BUT ESPECIALLY A
SON'S. THE WOUNDS OF FATHER DESERTION WERE STILL RAW AND
BLEEDING FOR THIS MAN. HE WAS SUCCESSFUL, BUT FELT LIKE A
FAILURE BECAUSE HE DID NOT HAVE THE AFFIRMATION OF HIS ABSENT
FATHER. I HAVE SEEN MALE CLIENTS WELL INTO THEIR 50'S STILL
WANTING TO SHOW THEIR PRESENT OR ABSENT DADS THAT THEY COULD
AMOUNT TO SOMETHING. ABANDONMENT IS NOT THE ONLY WAY FATHERS
NEGATIVELY IMPACT THEIR CHILDREN'S LIVES. FATHERS CAN BE
PRESENT BODILY AND YET ABSENT EMOTIONALLY WHEN THEY FAIL TO
EXPRESS THEIR LOVE AND APPROVAL VERBALLY, ARE TOO BUSY REACHING
THE TOP OF THE CAREER LADDER, OR ABSORBED WITH THEIR OWN
SELF-CENTERED PURSUITS. VERBALLY, PHYSICALLY OR SEXUALLY
ABUSIVE FATHERS CAN LOCK THEIR CHILDREN IN CAGES OF PAIN AND
DISTRUST THAT HAUNT THEM ALL OF THEIR LIVES. IT IS NOT A SISSY
THING FOR FATHERS TO HUG THEIR SONS AND TELL THEM THEY ARE
LOVED. AND IT MEANS A LOT TO SONS TO HEAR THEIR DADS SAY:
"GOOD JOB SON." AND SONS EXPERIENCING FATHER WOUNDS STAND
TO GAIN BY FORGIVING THEIR FATHERS AND MAKING A CONCERTED
EFFORT TO FORM A LOVING RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR FATHERS
WHEN POSSIBLE. ALL CHILDREN NEED THE PRESENCE, LOVE, PATIENCE AND
APPROVAL OF THEIR FATHERS. DAUGHTERS NEED AN APPROPRIATE
CLOSE AND AFFECTIONATE RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR FATHERS
SO THAT THEY DON'T SEEK LOVE AND AFFECTION FROM OTHER MEN IN
INAPPROPRIATE WAYS. THE REALITY IS THERE IS A HOLE WITHIN ALL OF
US THAT ONLY A FATHER CAN FILL, AND I BELIEVE THIS IS DIRECTLY
RELATED TO THE PLACE WITHIN US THAT THE CREATOR GOD DESIGNED
FOR HIMSELF - OUR HEAVENLY FATHER. WE ARE TRULY BLESSED
WHEN WE HAVE PRESENT, FAITHFUL AND LOVING EARTHLY FATHERS, BUT
IT IS PROFOUNDLY MORE IMPORTANT TO HAVE A LOVING AND INTIMATE
RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD, THE HEAVENLY FATHER. EVEN OUR
EARTHLY FATHERS CANNOT FILL THE ACHE IN OUR HEARTS FOR HIM.
MAYBE THAT IS WHAT YOUR SEARCH IS ALL ABOUT (ROMANS 8:15).
>THANKS FOR STAYING WITH US ON TIME FOR HOPE AS WE CONTINUE
DISCUSSING WITH OUR GUEST REV. GORDON DALBEY HIS BOOK TITLED
SONS OF THE FATHER. AND GORDON WE COULD HAVE DONE PROBABLY SIX
SHOWS OUT OF THIS BOOK. WELL WE CAN AT LEAST GET THEM INTRODUCED
TO YOUR BOOK AND I CERTAINLY ENCOURAGE MY VIEWERS TO MAKE
SURE THAT THEY GET A COPY FOR THEMSELVES OR FOR A SON OR A
FATHER OR A FRIEND. I MEAN IF THEY DON'T FEEL LIKE IT'S
SOMETHING THEY FIT OR THAT FITS THEM THEY'LL KNOW OF SOMEONE
THAT DOES. THEN WE'LL GIVE OUT YOUR WEBSITE ALSO FOR YOUR OTHER
BOOKS. BUT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT MEN AND WOMEN AND REMEMBER I
READ ON THE LAST SHOW LAST WEEK ABOUT THE WOMAN THAT HER HUSBAND
WAS ANGRY AND YOU TAKE UP A WHOLE CHAPTER I THINK ON IT,
ANGER. AND WITH THIS WOUND THEY VERY OFTEN ARE VERY ANGRY WITH
THEIR FATHERS AREN'T THEY? AND AS WE'VE SAID THEY CARRY IT OVER
EVEN INTO THEIR MARRIAGES. BUT ANOTHER THING WE HAVE NOT
MENTIONED THAT COMES OUT OF THIS FATHER WOUND IS AND YOU BROUGHT
IT OUT AND IT WAS REALLY ALMOST A NEW THOUGHT FOR ME BECAUSE
MOTHERS USED TO BE BLAMED FOR EVERYTHING. AND THEY WERE BLAMED
IF A CHILD BECAME A GAY OR BECAME A HOMOSEXUAL, IT WAS THE
MOTHER'S FAULT AND YOU'RE SAYING IT'S THIS FATHER WOUND THAT CAN
LEAD TO HOMOSEXUALITY.
>YES EVERY MAN I'VE EVER MINISTERED TO THAT IS HAVING
GENDER CONFUSION HAS A DEEP DEEP FATHER WOUND AND BECAUSE HE IS
WOUNDED BY HIS DAD HE DOESN'T WANT TO IDENTIFY WITH
MASCULINITY BECAUSE IT'S TOO WOUNDING TO HIM. AND WHEN THE
FATHER'S WOUNDING TO THE SON HE'S USUALLY WOUNDING TO
EVERYONE ELSE IN THE FAMILY AND SO THE MOTHER KIND OF LOOKS TO
GET FROM THE SON.
>SHE'S GOT TO PROTECT THE REST OF THE FAMILY FROM HIM. YES YOU
DO
>TO PROTECT HIM. I HAVE A STORY, I DON'T HAVE TIME TO DO ALL OF
THAT BUT I HAVE A STORY OF A MAN WHO FINDS THE LIGHTS WENT ON AND
HE BEGAN TO SEE HOW HE REALLY WANTED TO HOLD HIS DADDY. IT WAS
SO SIMPLE. AS A LITTLE BOY AND HIS DADDY WAS OUT OF CONTROL ONE
TIME AND HE JUST WANTED TO HOLD. HE WANTED TO HOLD ANOTHER MAN
YES AND THE ENEMY THE FATHER OF LIES SAID YOU NEED TO HOLD
ANOTHER MAN. AND HE DID, IT WAS HIS DADDY HE WANTED TO BE HELD
BY.
>AND THE MOTHER OF COURSE HE RETURNED TO THE MOTHER AND SHE
WOULD HOLD HIM. BUT YOU SAY VERY DISTINCTLY IN YOUR BOOK THAT A
MOTHER CAN NEVER HEAL A FATHER WOUND. NO MATTER HOW GOOD A
MOTHER SHE IS. WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT BAD MOTHERS HERE, WE'RE
TALKING ABOUT THOSE THAT WANT THEIR SONS TO TURN OUT TO BE
REAL MEN BUT THEY CAN'T MAKE REAL MEN OUT OF THEIR BOYS.
>SOMETIMES IF THE FATHER'S NOT PRESENT AND I HAVE STORIES OF
MANY MOTHERS WHO GOT THE BOY INVOLVED IN SPORTS WITH A GOOD
COACH THAT THEY LIKED OR GO TO AN UNCLE OR A GRANDFATHER. A
MOTHER CAN ARRANGE BEHIND-THE-SCENES TO HAVE SOME
MASCULINE AUTHORITY FIGURE COME IN.
>A SURROGATE FATHER.
>A STEP DAD CAN DO MARVELOUS THINGS FOR A YOUNG MAN.
>I'VE KNOWN MANY SITUATIONS WHERE A STEPFATHER STEPPED IN AS
IT WERE AND DID A GREAT JOB WITH THE SON.
>HERE'S AN INTERESTING SITUATION, MY MOM SHE'S A
MARVELOUS MOM AND A PSYCHOLOGIST AND EVERYTHING AND SHE'S A MOM
AND YOU KNOW OUR BOY I REMEMBER WHEN HE WAS ABOUT FOUR OR FIVE
YEARS OLD, IT WAS RAINING OUTSIDE AND I'D GOTTEN THESE
RUBBER BOOTS AND EVERYTHING LIKE THAT AND HE SAID DADDY LETS GO
OUTSIDE IN THE MUD. AND I SAID THAT SOUNDS GREAT AND WE'RE
GETTING READY AND MARY COMES UP, WHERE ARE YOU GOING? I SAID
WE'RE GOING OUTSIDE AND PLAY IN THE MUD. AND MOM SAYS NO YOU'RE
GOING TO CATCH COLD YOU CAN'T DO THAT. AND I SAID HOLD ON SON
JUST A MINUTE. I TOOK MARY INTO, I SAID LOOK HONEY I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO EXPRESS THIS BUT BOYS LIKE MUD. WE LOVE TO GET DIRTY
AND I PROMISE YOU WE WILL CLEAN OURSELF, WE WILL NOT TRACK A
SPECK OF MUD ON YOUR BEAUTIFUL CARPET BUT YOU HAVE TO BLESS HIM
IN THIS. THIS IS A MASCULINE THING HE'S DOING AND IT'S NOT
THAT YOU DON'T RELATE TO IT. THAT'S OKAY YOU'RE A WOMAN, HE
IS A BOY CHILD AND IF YOU COULD GO OUT THERE RIGHT NOW AND SAY
HAVE A GREAT TIME IN THE MUD WITH YOUR DADDY IT WOULD BLESS
HIM. AND WHAT IT WOULD MEAN YOU SEE WHEN HE GETS OLDER IF HE
DOESN'T HAVE A FATHER TO ADVOCATE FOR HIM, AND SAY HOLD
ON IN A POSITIVE WAY THAT YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD MOM, YOU'RE SUCH A
GOOD MOM THEN LET ME INTERPRET WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A BOY FOR
YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE A WOMAN. I DON'T EXPECT YOU TO UNDERSTAND
THIS KIND OF THING. IF HE DOESN'T HAVE THAT THOUGH, THE
MOTHER SAYS DON'T GO OUT IN THE MUD, YOU CAN'T DO IT BECAUSE
YOU'LL GET DIRTY AND THERE'S NO MAN TO INTERVENE FOR HIM THEN HE
DOES IT THEN LATER HE THINKS WHEN I WANT TO DO SOMETHING
MANLY THE WOMAN IS GOING TO CUT ME OFF AND SO HE'S GOING TO BE
ANGRY AT HIS WIFE WHO WILL PAY FOR THAT LATER.
>YES WHEN THEY WANT TO GO. I HAVE A GRANDSON THAT LOVES TO
DEER HUNT AND OF COURSE I'M CONCERNED WHILE HE'S DEER
HUNTING. BUT HE DOES IT AND HANDS OFF AND BACK OFF AND LET
HIM GO DEER HUNTING. BUT I THINK AS A MOTHER I HAVE SOMETHING TO
ADD HERE. I KNOW THAT MY HUSBAND, HE AND MY SON LOVED TO
WRESTLE. HE WAS WRESTLING HIM FROM THE TIME HE WAS JUST A
LITTLE THING AND HERE I AM JUST AFRAID HE'S GOING TO GET HURT,
AFRAID HE'S GOING TO GET HURT AS YOUR MARY WAS. BUT WE LET THEM
GO. THEN IT BECAME A FAMILY TRADITION ON THANKSGIVING, AFTER
THANKSGIVING THEY HAD A WRESTLING MATCH. AND MY HUSBAND
WOULD PUT HIM DOWN WHICH I THOUGHT HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN
ALLOWING THE SON TO WIN SOMETIMES, OKAY THAT WAS MY
OPINION. WE STOOD AROUND AND WATCHED THIS AND MY HUSBAND
COULD PUT HIM DOWN. I MEAN RIGHT ON UP UNTIL HE WAS IN COLLEGE
PLAYING FOOTBALL, BRING HIM DOWN. ONE DAY, ONE THANKSGIVING
DAY MY SON TOOK HIM DOWN AND WE WERE THERE (CLAPPING) YOU KNOW.
>SEE MY SON HE'S BEEN LIFTING WEIGHTS FOR FIVE YEARS, TAKING
BOXING CLASS THINGS LIKE THAT. THERE'S NO WAY, I LEARNED A
COUPLE OF YEARS AGO WE WERE JUST STARTING TO WRESTLE AND HE GAVE
ME A SHOVE AND I ALMOST WENT THROUGH THE DRYWALL. I SAID
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TOSS THINGS OUT.
>DON'T YOU AGREE WITH ME THAT AT SOME POINT THE FATHER NEEDS TO
GIVE? BUT HE DIDN'T. IT WAS GENUINE. NOW THE GRANDSONS COME
ALONG, THEY'RE WRESTLING THEIR GRANDFATHER AND HE'S PRETTY
STRONG. THEY SAID NANA HE'S PRETTY STRONG. AT A POINT THOUGH
THEY LET HIM WIN, THEY LET HIM WIN THE GRANDSONS DID BUT THEY
WOULD GIVE HIM A GOOD WORKOUT BEFORE THEY WOULD DO THAT.
>I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT THAT THE MOTHER UNDERSTAND THAT THE BOY
IS DIFFERENT AND SHE DOESN'T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES AND THAT'S
OKAY. THAT'S THE WAY GOD SET IT UP. BUT FROM A MAN'S POINT OF
VIEW WE SAY OKAY WELL NOW NONE OF US HAD FATHERS OKAY SO WHERE
DO WE GO TO GET FATHERING? WELL I HAVE A CHAPTER CALLED THE WOLF
LOVES THE LONE SHEEP AND YOU HAVE TO START GETTING REAL
TOGETHER WITH OTHER MEN AND EXPERIENCE WITH OTHER MEN FIRST
OF ALL TO FIND OUT YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY MAN WITH THIS PROBLEM.
THE SHAME GOES AWAY WHEN YOU REALIZE WE'RE ALL IN IT
TOGETHER. THEN WE GO TO FATHER GOD AND SAY FATHER GOD I DIDN'T
GET WHAT I NEEDED AS A MAN. YOU ARE THE FATHER EVEN OF MY
EARTHLY DAD. WE'RE GOING TO ASK YOU TO GIVE IT TO HIM. WE'RE
GOING TO GET REAL, WE'LL TALK THINGS OVER, WE'RE GOING TO GO
TO YOU, BRING THE WOUND TO YOU AND WE'RE GOING TO TRUST YOU TO
HEAL IT.
>AND SO WE'RE GOING TO GO OUT WITH THAT IDEA AND I TALKED TOO
LONG AND I DIDN'T LET YOU GET IN SOME THINGS THAT COULD HAVE BEEN
GOTTEN IN BUT WE CAN END WITH THIS WHICH I SO MUCH APPRECIATE.
THERE ARE NO PERFECT FATHERS. WE'RE NOT TRYING TO COME DOWN ON
FATHERS. BUT THEY NEED TO BE WILLING TO ADMIT TO THEIR SONS
WHERE THEY FAIL THEM. THE PAST SHOULD NOT BE CURSED YOU SAY BUT
REDEEMED AND I ADDED BY FORGIVING AND LOVING THEIR
FATHERS, THESE ARE MEN WITH FATHER WOUNDS, REALISTICALLY NOT
A FANTASY FATHER, A REAL FATHER AND FAITHFULLY AS AN ADULT AFTER
THEY HAVE FOUND THIS RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU'RE TALKING
ABOUT WITH FATHER GOD. IT HAS BEEN A TREAT GORDON HAVING YOU.
BUT WE'VE JUST, I SAY THIS VERY OFTEN ON MY SHOW, WE'VE JUST
TOUCHED THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE IN YOUR
BOOK. IT'S LIKE A CLASS. I TOLD SOME OF MY STAFF MEMBERS THAT. I
SAID IT'S LIKE TAKING A CLASS THIS BOOK IS. SO I AM REALLY
ENCOURAGING OUR VIEWERS TO GET A COPY OF THIS. I THINK IT COULD
BE USED IN A CLASSROOM BY THE WAY.
>I HAVE CHAPTER QUESTIONS.
>AND PASTORS COULD USE THIS YOU KNOW TO UNDERSTAND THE NEEDS OF
THE MEN IN THEIR CHURCHES AND SO FORTH SO I'M REALLY REALLY
GIVING YOUR BOOK A PUSH. A GREAT JOB, A GREAT JOB AND THANKS
AGAIN FOR COMING TO APPEAR ON TIME FOR HOPE AND I HAVE
SOMETHING TO SHARE WITH YOU FROM A VIEWER.
>
>
>THIS WOMAN JUST HAS TO BE IN LOTS OF PAIN THERE AND WE HAVE
COVERED THIS PRAYER REQUEST. WE'VE GONE TO OUR HEAVENLY
FATHER WITH THIS PRAYER REQUEST. THEY ARE IN GREAT NEED SO YOU
MIGHT WANT TO JOIN US AS A TEAM MEMBER IN PRAYING FOR THIS
PERSON. BUT WE FAITHFULLY COVER THE PRAYER REQUESTS THAT COME
INTO TIME FOR HOPE. THEN I HAVE AN ENCOURAGING NOTE.
>
>
>WE HAVE PRAYED FOR THIS PERSON AND WE HONOR EACH AND EVERY
PRAYER REQUEST THAT COMES IN TO TIME FOR HOPE AND WE HOPE WE'RE
GOING TO HEAR THAT SHE FINDS THAT BETTER PLACE. IT MIGHT BE A
FATHER WOUND. IT CAN EVEN BE A MOTHER WOUND. WOMEN CAN BE
WOUNDED BY THEIR MOTHERS ALSO AND I'M GOING TO TALK TO GORDON
ABOUT WRITING THAT BOOK NEXT MAYBE. SO THANKS SO MUCH FOR
WATCHING US ON TIME FOR HOPE IN HEARING WHAT GORDON HAS HAD TO
SHARE AND I ENCOURAGE YOU TO GET A COPY OF GORDON'S BOOK. GO TO
HIS WEBSITE AND HE HAS OTHER BOOKS THERE AND OF COURSE JOIN
US AGAIN NEXT WEEK ON TIME FOR HOPE.
>TO ORDER OUR RESOURCES, FOLLOW THE CONTACT INFORMATION ON YOUR
SCREEN.